Shards of Memories and Broken Dreams

Shards of Memories and Broken Dreams

"Oh come on, just admit it!" Sirius said, kneeling on the carpeted floor of the Common Room and leaning over the armrest of Remus' chair like an over-eager child.

"I frankly don't care whether or not you look like Danny," Remus snapped back, trying to focus on his book. Tonight was the full moon and he was always peevish and tense during the days leading up to it, and even more so the morning before. But Sirius didn't seem to mind, obviously dismissing Remus' mood and acting as if his friend wasn't about to jump on him to shut him up...and obviously not in the good way.

"Of course you do," Sirius said, grinning.

"I haven't even read the book!" Remus muttered, finally looking away from the written lines, right into a pair of bright, mischievous eyes.

"Well you should," Sirius stated, shrugging casually. "It's an awesome book. Made me realize who I really was."

Remus sighed. Ever since Sirius had come out, something like two months before, he had been insufferable. Of course, Sirius had always acted loud and flirty, sending devastating smiles to blushing girls (and boys, although in the past the grins had been meant to piss them off) and to female teachers and making silly speeches in the middle of dinner. But now...Remus couldn't really pinpoint it, but Sirius had changed. He had become worse, somehow. Like the way he kept bothering Remus about his stupid book, even though Remus never heard him ask James to read it, not even once. Wasn't James his best friend? Wasn't he the one Sirius was supposed to pester when he was bored?

Of course, Remus thought bitterly, with Lily finally "succumbing to [his] blinding charm" (James' words), James wasn't around much anymore. Or rather, he was around, but he was with Lily. And Sirius didn't seem to be overly fond of Lily, more than likely because she was stealing his best friend away from him. These days, Remus couldn't help but feel resentful about that, too.

"You should read it," Sirius said again, stealing the book from Remus' hands, "instead of wasting your time reading...Through the Looking Glass?" he questioned, eyebrows shooting up. "Isn't it a kiddies' book?" he asked, loud enough for a few heads to turn in their direction.

Remus blushed, then snatched the book away from Sirius' hands. "No, it's not. It's actually pretty nightmarish, if you read it the right way," he replied haughtily.

Sirius' laugh was halfway up his throat when he decided against it. It wouldn't do to piss Remus off. Instead, he shrugged. "If you say so."

"I do. ...look, Sirius," Remus said suddenly, slamming his book shut. He paused, then asked: "Why do you even want me to read that book so much?!"

"Because. Because it's good, and fun, and you'll love it, and Danny looks like me, and I'm cute!" Sirius shot his friend his best seducing grin, batting his eyelashes. Remus gaped.

"I'll go put it on your pillow," Sirius added, standing up.

Remus was reading his book upside down when Sirius came back down into the Common Room.

"You are such a killjoy!!" Sirius exclaimed, angrily stomping after Remus into their dormitory. He slammed the door shut behind them, glaring at the back of Remus' neck.

It was Party Time in Gryffindor tower. Sirius and James had started planning it back in October, and many students had stayed at Hogwarts instead of going back to their homes, because everybody knew that parties held by the Fab' Four couldn't be anything but exciting. And exciting it had been...until Remus started making an arse of himself. Despite all of Sirius' efforts, his friend had looked gloomy and resenting the whole evening, and he had just topped it all by dragging Sirius down from the table he had been standing on, saying that he had drank enough and that he should go to bed, pulling him to the stairway and mortifying him in front of thirty students.

"I'm not a killjoy!" Remus replied angrily, whipping around to stare at Sirius. "I've just saved you from eternal shame!!"

Sirius gaped at him, then laughed. "I think you mistook catcalls for booing, Moony."

"Oh just shut up!" Remus screamed, which, effectively, shut Sirius up. He had never seen Remus this angry. Especially not with him.

Remus felt his cheeks flushing and a strong urge to kick something. From Morris dancing (to Blondie's "Call Me", no less) to an improvised strip-tease (which had just been interrupted by Remus, despite everybody's protest), Sirius hadn't spared him anything. And Remus couldn't have said for the life of him why it made him so angry, it just did. And by then the anger was so strong that Remus couldn't see past it.

"And for Merlin's sake take those stupid glasses off!" he barked out of nowhere, making Sirius jump.

Sirius sheepishly slipped the pink, frilly spectacles from his nose and threw them on his bed. The whole situation became even less funny now that he wasn't looking out of rose coloured glasses. He had gotten them in a Christmas cracker and immediately decided they should be at the top of next season's fashion. Everybody had seemed to think it was hilarious...

"Why are you so angry with me?" he asked, rubbing his naked feet against his pants; Remus hadn't left him time to find back his old black combat boots before he dragged him upstairs. He was used to fighting with his friends. He got into petty fights with James all the time. But with James, he always knew why they were fighting. In this case, he didn't have a clue.

"I'm not angry with you," Remus snarled.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

"Just...just explain to me why you have to flaunt your gayness around!" Remus finally exclaimed, his cheeks flushed with emotions. There was a silence. He seemed to realize what he had said at the same time Sirius did, and to Sirius' wonder, he looked just as surprised.

"Is that what upsets you so much? Me being so gay?" Sirius softly asked, his lips forming an uncertain pout.

"I...don't know."

"I thought...I thought you were okay with that," Sirius prodded, nervously playing with the cargo pockets on his pants. One look from Remus made him stop the annoying zipping.

"I am!" Remus exclaimed. "It's just...you didn't act like this before you came out. Why now?"

"Well I..." Sirius begun, tone assured, but he suddenly faltered. "I...well because now I can. And it's, well it's fun."

"Fun?" Remus asked disdainfully. He looked Sirius up and down, shaking his head. "So it's also for fun that you dress like you came straight out of one of those Muggle nightclubs? You didn't feel the need to do all this before."

Sirius' eyes widened and he looked down at himself, frowning. "I think I look good," he said, hands on his hips.

"You look gay," Remus said, pointing at Sirius' small electric blue top, which was hugging his chest and looked as if he had borrowed it from Lily, then at his grey mosher pants, the legs of which were so wide they were covering his feet.

"Well I am gay," Sirius almost shouted, seeing red even without the glasses. "You have to get used to it!"

"Well I'm not!" Remus shot back, cheeks flushing; "Because you're doing nothing to help me to get used to it! I'd actually like to know why you're so intent on making me uneasy!"

"That's not what it was!" Sirius exclaimed, sounding genuinely shocked. He hesitated, then murmured sheepishly, "I didn't want to make you uneasy...I just thought...I thought if I kept flirting with you, maybe...well, you'd see...I thought...I've been trying to seduce you for weeks." He avoided Remus' look and gazed down at the floor with obvious disappointment.

Remus' stomach jumped in his throat in one smooth motion, his anger dissipating faster than Snape's sense of humour. "That's..." He coughed the squeak out of his voice. "That's what you've been trying to do?" he asked, feeling faint.

"Yeah," Sirius answered glumly, not looking up. "I guess I should revise my techniques, uh?"

There was a soft thump as Remus sat on the first bed he could reach, mouth open in disbelief.

"I'm not even that drunk," Sirius added with a small tentative smirk, before finally raising his eyes to meet Remus'.

"So why did you act like it?" Remus asked faintly, his eyes so big Sirius was sincerely afraid they'd fall out of their sockets.

"Well you know," he said, waving his hand dismissively. "Thought maybe I could kiss you, and then say it was because of the alcohol. Or just plain pretend I had no memory of it. Basic stuff."

"Oh." Remus seemed to ponder this new information for a minute or two, then said, not really looking into Sirius' eyes, "So you're like..."

"Madly in love with you?" Sirius interrupted before he could stop himself. He blushed (it must have been the very first time Remus saw him blush) and winced.

Remus' eyes grew even wider. "You are?" he squeaked.

"Yeah," Sirius sighed. "Sorry." Then he added, smiling slightly, "You're just very hard to resist, you know."

"Am I?" Still squeaking.

This time, Sirius beamed. "Oh, yes. Definitely."

Remus blinked several times, looking completely lost.

Sirius could sense a change of outlook when there was one, and he went to sit beside Remus, leaving a few inches between their bodies, just in case. He very much wanted to just jump his friend and kiss him madly, but he knew it wouldn't exactly help his case. When he had finally spilled his feelings to Remus, he had been dimly afraid the wolf would take the advantage and beat him up. Although he wasn't one to be afraid of a good fight, of course.

Remus' eyes suddenly turned to him, managing to be sharp and confused at the exact same time. "If you kiss me, and I don't feel...like you feel. Will you feel worse than you feel now?" he asked, thinking he should have asked a thesaurus for Christmas.

The question unsettled Sirius, to say the least. He looked at Remus' face, so close, with his cheeks faintly flushed from emotion, and his teeth gently nibbling on his bottom lip. Too tempting to resist, he had always known it. "I don't know," he replied sincerely. "But I'm sure it'd still have been worth it."

Remus once again looked lost in thoughts, then took a deep shaky breath. "Okay then."

Sirius was about to ask "Okay what?" when Remus' lips shyly landed on his.

There hadn't been any more talk that night. And James had had to sleep in Remus' bed. The eight limbed creature that was wriggling on his sheets wouldn't be moved.

*C*C*

"...a cactus. You think the perfect Christmas gift for Lily would have been...a cactus."

"Well yes, it seems ridiculously obvious!" Sirius said with a grin, ignoring James' appalled look. "Because she's small and stingy, as she showed you this morning when you gave her that atrocious dress. And if you were colour-blind, then you'd see her hair green, not red."

The scene froze for a second, Sirius' grin, James' gaping mouth, Remus' hand pressed on his own mouth to stop his giggles from coming out. Then James leaped forward and tackled Sirius to the ground, growling.

"Hey, growling's my thing! Shouldn't you be belling?" Sirius managed to ask between fits of laughter, trying to fend off James' playful hits. "Remus! You're supposed to be my boyfriend now, for Merlin's sake! Defend me!"

"He's your what?"

Remus had almost puked from laughing too hard.

*C*C*

"Mmm..." Sirius sighed, pulling his lover back against him and nuzzling his nose against the back of his neck.

"I completely agree," Remus replied with a lazy smile, resting his arm on top of Sirius', their fingers entwining. The dormitories were dark and silent, if you didn't count the little sounds Peter usually made when he was dreaming. Or the curious way the door opened in the middle of the night, even though nobody came in.

Sirius' leg slipped between Remus', teasingly pressing upwards. He didn't feel much like sleeping. At all.

Remus sighed, shivering when he felt Sirius' lips against his neck. He wasn't yet used to sleeping with his best...boy...friend. It felt weird and cosy at the same time, not to mention deliciously forbidden.

"Remus," Sirius finally whispered into Remus' hair.

"Yes?"

There was a thoughtful pose, then Sirius' hand untangled itself from Remus'. "...I want to take off your clothes," he declared, in case the slow undoing of the buttons on Remus' pyjama shirt wasn't clue enough.

"Oh." Remus' body tensed when the cold tip of Sirius' fingers brushed against the warm skin of his stomach.

"Can I?" Sirius asked. He pressed closer to Remus, uncaring if the other boy felt the growing hardness against his butt. His fingers crept down to play with the string holding Remus' pants together.

Remus didn't answer right away. Silence fell onto the dormitory once again, punctuated by the different rhythm of the four boys' breathing. Then Remus twisted around in Sirius' arms and said, looking straight into the dark blue eyes: "Only if you let me undress you."

*C*C*

Sweaty bodies untangled lazily, hands resting a little longer on uncovered skin, stroking heated flesh one last time. Lips met in a soft exhausted kiss, wet hair brushing against wet hair. Then an arm stretched out, fingers groping for thin wood, and a spell was murmured a couple of times.

Sirius sighed and stretched like a cat. Remus curled up on his side of the small bed and chuckled, shaking his head. "Now can I work?" he asked humorously, his voice still a bit hoarse from voicing his pleasure so loudly.

"Mmyes, I think you can..." Sirius said, stretching again.

Remus waited a bit, knowing perfectly well that right then he was in no condition to focus on anything but the dimple in Sirius' cheek, or the feel of his soaked hair against his fingertips.

"What are you waiting for?" Sirius asked, glancing at his lover with a smirk.

Remus flicked him on the cheek. "I'm waiting for you to stop being so gorgeous."

"Fat chance," Sirius replied, hiding his satisfaction quite poorly. Remus chuckled, then laboriously rolled on his stomach and reached down for his bag, which had been pushed to the floor earlier by a very playful Sirius. He rummaged through it for his quill and parchment and put everything on his pillow, placing the inkwell on the wooden bed frame.

"Mm...going to work in the nude?" Sirius purred, suddenly very close. His lips brushed against Remus' neck, startling the latter.

Remus blinked, chuckled again and sat up, slipping his pyjama pants from under his pillow.

"Hey, that wasn't a complaint!" Sirius pouted as Remus slipped the pants on excruciatingly slowly, standing precariously on the mattress. Fast as a cat (Remus smirked at the thought), Sirius kneeled up and pressed his mouth against Remus' toned stomach, fingers trying to pull the pants back down to where they belonged. He had managed to reach Remus' knees before his lover came back to his senses and yanked them back up, albeit without much enthusiasm. Sirius didn't seem to care though, his tongue tracing Remus' waistline back and forth with noisy delectation.

Remus closed his eyes and willed little Remus to stay calm, even though it was already starting to fidget. Sirius knew perfectly well that moans and whimpers always turned Remus on like nothing else could (apart, maybe, from one well-placed bite), and his body wasn't at all ready to turn a deaf ear.

"Sirius..." he pleaded, hoping it sounded more like a reproach than an invitation.

Sirius' tongue traced its path once more, then he softly kissed Remus' hipbone. "Okay," he said, leaning away.

Remus flopped down and quickly climbed under the bed sheets, blushing. He shivered when Sirius' finger trailed down his spine, and waved his hand behind him, trying to swat Sirius' arm away. Sirius laughed and got up to fetch his own pants, making a show of stretching again, gloriously naked in the middle of the room. Remus glanced his way and stared, licking his lips, at Sirius' muscled back, firm buttocks and slim legs, shifting slightly to appease his over-eager libido.

He was surprised that Sirius didn't once glance back at the bed, then resentful as it showed a confidence in his own sexiness that Remus could never display. Sirius put his stripped pants on and finally walked back to the bed, grinning at Remus' lustful eyes. "I thought you were working," he said casually, cocking his eyebrow sexily.

"I am," Remus rushed, turning away and staring at his parchment. He took a deep breath and emptied his brain of Sirius (he had had practice), raising his quill. His other quill was, unfortunately, still pretty much raised as well.

"What are you writing anyway?" Sirius asked a minute later, lying on his stomach and looking at Remus with a lazy interest.

"How pocket calculators made Muggles forget how to count," Remus mumbled, now gladly lost in scribbling.

"What are pocket calculators?"

"You would know if you had taken Muggle studies," Remus replied with a little smile.

Sirius let out a miffed grunt of protest, but didn't question Remus further. He wasn't sure he really cared, anyway. He watched his lover work for some time, yawning loudly every two seconds or so, just so Remus didn't forget he was there.

"Sirius..." Remus whispered reprovingly five minutes later, as the sheets suddenly vanished from his back, leaving it defenceless against the horrible attacks of Sirius' daring lips.

'Horrible' might have been a bit too strong a word.

"...Sirius..." he breathed again after two more minutes, feeling slightly faint. Sirius' tongue was now lazily sliding up his spine, pausing here and there to admire the view; Sirius himself was almost sitting on Remus' legs, his stomach pressing down on Remus' buttocks.

Sirius' tongue finally reached Remus' neck, then slid all the way back down in one fluid, tickling motion which made Remus unconsciously hump the mattress below. "What?" he asked, sounding the epitome of innocence.

It took Remus some time to string his thought pattern into coherency again. Then his eyes fell on his pillow and he laughed. "There, look what you did!" he said accusingly.

Sirius bent over him, making Remus shiver, and looked down at the parchment. "Suck is life?" he read, disbelieving, before barking with laughter.

"Not funny," Remus grumbled, trying not to smile. "Imagine if I hadn't seen it?"

"Then whoever teaches that dumb subject would have seriously wondered about you," Sirius said, smirking. "Although, you know, seeing what we just did... "suck" seems pretty accurate to me."

Remus felt himself flushing and willed his cheeks to cool down, unwilling to let Sirius see just how easily he could make him tingle.

Sirius suddenly moved again and lied down on his side, looking at Remus with sparkling eyes. "Why do you think people have associated Suck with Bad?" he asked, his fingers lightly skimming along Remus' arm. "Shouldn't it mean Good. Or..." He took a deep breath, then suddenly moaned, at the top of his lungs, "OhyesOhYESOHGODYES!!!"

This time the flush spread all the way to Remus' chest. He looked, eyes wide and mouth gaping, as Sirius let out a little sigh, smiling happily.

"Doesn't that sound more...fitting?"

Remus' lips were on his before he could add anything witty. Unfortunately, they were off him just as quickly.

"As right as we both are," Remus murmured, looking very sexy with his hair tousled and his lips swollen just the right way, "I don't think Professor Tugwell would really appreciate that." He turned back to his parchment and with a wave of his wand made the offending word disappear, ignoring Sirius' complaining growl.

Ten blissful minutes passed, and Remus was quite well into his argument when Sirius spoke again.

"You know, I think we need to make a statement."

"Huh?" Remus asked, looking up from his now PG parchment. "...what are you doing?" he asked again, as Sirius turned away and leaned towards the bedside table, fumbling through its drawer. Eventually, the temptation was too strong and Remus couldn't resist Sirius' buttocks, so teasingly raised in the air; he smacked them loudly, making Sirius jump and almost fall off the bed.

When Sirius turned to him, face flushed, Remus shot him an inquisitive smile, before pretending to go back to work.

"Smartass," Sirius growled, grinning. He kneeled on the bed, proudly presenting--

"A needle?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Exactly. But not just any needle. It's the one we all used to become blood brothers four years ago."

Remus' eyes widened. "Really?"

"Certainly."

"You kept it? That's so cute!" Remus exclaimed before he could think about it. Sirius pouted, and Remus laughed. "Okay, okay, not cute. Devastatingly handsome."

"Better," Sirius said.

"And just what do you intend to do with this needle?"

"I told you," Sirius said, and without further explanation turned to the headboard.

Sirius slowly started carving letters into the dark wood, wrinkling his nose in concentration. He did fancy S and Rs, engraving a star and a moon inside of them. At the second line, Remus burst out laughing, shifting a bit and feeling tickling butterflies stirring below his stomach. Sirius stopped a second, looked at what he had written in consideration, then proceeded to add a few words. He put the needle back in the drawer, and turned to a laughing Remus with a feral grin. "Now let's ensure I didn't lie..."

Sirius and Remus were here.

They shagged on this bed

...a lot.

The inscription magically faded after ten minutes, but by then the boys were far too occupied to notice.

*C*C*

A pair of chopsticks and a few half-emptied cartons fell to the floor with clinks and thuds as Sirius pushed Remus onto the kitchen table, kissing him as if his mouth delivered opium.

"...James..." Remus mumbled against Sirius' lips, trying without much enthusiasm to keep Sirius' deft fingers away from his belt.

"I'm Sirius," Sirius corrected before slipping his tongue in Remus' mouth again, cutting short his attempt at breathing. He felt Remus chuckling in his mouth and slipped his hands to his arse, pushing Remus against his hardening middle. His lips finally travelled down to Remus' neck and its owner moaned loudly, forgetting everything about best friends and invitations for tea.

That was, until the bell rang.

"Fuck!" was heard, even though it was impossible to tell if it had been coming from Sirius or from Remus. The bell rang a second time as the two men hastily tucked their shirts back in their pants, frantically passing their hands through their wild hair.

"I'm coming!" Remus shouted, trotting to the door and trying to ignore the enormous laugh coming from the kitchen, soon followed by chuckling coughs.

"We're a little late, sorry!" Lily apologized before even saying "Hi", dumping her heavy bag of baby-care products on the sofa. "It always takes so long by carriage! I can't wait for Harry to be old enough to floo..." Then she whipped around, beaming, and hugged Remus.

"I kinda like the carriages. Reminds me of Hogwarts," James said good-naturedly, stepping inside, his seven-months-old son in his arms.

"Don't worry," Remus said, kissing Lily on the cheek and Harry on the top of his head. "We...found ways to pass the time..."

"Yes, you could have been a bit later, as a matter of fact," Sirius said, appearing in the doorway to the kitchen, arms folded and a seducing smile stretching across his lips. "Harry!" he suddenly exclaimed, skipping from shag-mode to baby-mode with an ease that never ceased to impress Remus. The way Sirius clearly worshipped James' baby, on the other hand, never ceased to make him feel like an abominable little pile of goo.

"Hey there little fella," Sirius continued, almost ripping the delighted baby away from his father's arms as soon as James was done taking away the baby's coat. "How are you doing today? Mm-hm...mm-hm..." he said, frowning in concentration as he pretended to listen to the baby's secrets. "I see. Yes, well, enjoy it while you can, Harry. Someday you'll miss it."

Remus knew he was grinning like an idiot, but try as he might, he couldn't wipe the elated look off his face.

"I'm not too happy with what Harry just told me," Sirius said, looking at Lily and James with a grave face. He held the wriggling baby close to his chest, hand firmly placed under his diaper-enhanced bum. "I really think I'd be better classified as a parent," he added, before suddenly throwing Harry a few inches into the air and catching him back with a laugh. "Yes little fella, you'd be happier with me and Uncle Remus, wouldn't you? Yes you would, who wouldn't!" He threw Harry into the air again and the baby giggled in delight, squealing at the top of his little lungs.

Lily laughed. "Oh yes Sirius, we have no doubt you would make a spiffing father."

"For at least two hours," James added, nodding and hiding his smile with extreme difficulty. "Before you forgot him under a pile of dirty clothes."

Sirius threw an offended look at James, then turned his attention back to his godson. "You know you're cute? You know it? Ah Harry, I can feel you'll break hearts in your time, just like your godfather." He shot a sexy look at Remus, who blushed slightly before licking his lips teasingly.

James coughed.

Then Harry's eager little hand closed around Sirius' hair, just like every time he got close enough, and Sirius yelped. Everybody except Sirius laughed, Harry included. He tugged at Sirius' hair again, obviously on some sort of scientific experiment, but Sirius caught his hand and gently loosened the baby's miniature fingers. "Harry, if you continue doing that, I won't let you play with Padfoot."

"'A'foo!" Harry squealed, wriggling more than ever in Sirius' strong arms.

"I still can't believe he said that before saying Dad," James sighed, looking at Sirius with murderous eyes. Lily laughed. "Oh you can laugh! Mommy was his first word! Just because you give him milk!" he spat out with disdain. Lily gave him a tiny slap on the back of the head and he shot one of his dazzling smiles at her, making her beam.

"Jealous," Sirius snapped with a smile, carefully handing Harry to Remus. He kissed Remus on the nose, winking, and two seconds later there was a big black dog in the middle of the living-room.

Harry clapped as best he could, trying to get free of Remus' arms to reach the dog. Padfoot yelped twice, as a welcome, and lied down, tail beating against the carpet.

Remus kneeled beside it and sat Harry on the floor, keeping his hands around the baby's waist. Harry giggled delightedly and immediately pressed his cheek to Padfoot's soft fur, closing his eyes. His little hands gripped strands of hairs tightly, while he tapped his legs on the floor, in a weird touching mimic of Padfoot's tail.

The dog turned its head and gently licked Harry's cheek, careful not to go anywhere near the baby's mouth. Harry's eyes flashed open and he screamed, the tapping of his legs turning frantic with pleasure.

"Are you sure Sirius shouldn't stop transforming in front of Harry?" Remus asked after a while, the three adults smiling like idiots in front of the spectacle. James had the hardest time not rushing and grabbing a camera; his arms were folded as if to keep them in check. But as Lily had wisely informed him before ringing the bell, they already had three photo albums' worth of pictures of Harry and Padfoot.

"It's fine, Moony," James answered with a smile. "By the time Harry is old enough to brag and say that his godfather is a big black dog, he'll be clever enough to understand he mustn't. If he's anything like his father, he'll probably be doing it himself by then..." he finished with a proud look, ignoring the second slap on the head Lily gave him.

"I guess..." Remus said, not looking very convinced.

"Don't worry Moony," Lily gently said, beaming down at her baby. "Plus, he would probably start by bragging about his four hoofed father!" she added with a bright, crystalline laugh.

"Do you?" Remus asked, looking up at James with a smile.

"Transform? Not often. He's so small, I only do it when he really, really refuses to sleep. I think the deer's heartbeat and warmth soothes him."

Lily looked at her husband, eyes gleaming with love. "Next time I'll show you pictures," she said distractedly, her eyes fixed on James' blushing profile.

Remus chuckled, then returned his attention to Harry. He wasn't squealing anymore, too concentrated on pressing his chubby face against the back of his almost purring godfather. Getting one's fur pulled was much less painful than getting one's hair pulled, as an added bonus.

Then Harry pressed his palms firmly against Padfoot and hauled himself away, Remus' hands gently supporting his back as he sat straight, his little feet rubbing against Padfoot's stomach, making him giggle.

"...didn't we come in for tea?" James suddenly asked, louder than necessary. "I demand food!"

"You don't want your son to like Padfoot more than Prongs, rather!"

*C*C*

"And so you see you just have to press here and you'll get some. Fascinating, don't you think?" Arthur asked excitedly, his eyes twinkling.

Remus, Sirius and Molly exchanged looks, before turning their eyes back to an expecting Arthur.

"Arthur, darling...do you mean to tell us that Muggles put perfectly good cheese in a can...just for fun?"

"Yes!" Arthur declared, obviously quite proud of whoever invented aerosol cheese. "They seem to be on a constant quest for fun food, you see. I am so glad Tonks gave me this! I have to go thank her again!" he exclaimed, then quickly left the kitchen.

"Hopeless..." Molly murmured with a chuckle. "And with all that he forgot to bring back bread." She sighed good-humorously and exited the kitchen, leaving the two men alone.

Remus shifted in his seat and Sirius started tapping his fingers on the table. They hadn't been alone much since everybody had moved to Grimmauld Place. And being back there had made Sirius more moody, less outgoing, erasing all the meagre progresses he had accomplished during his stay at Remus' place...their place. The past year had been tense and awkward. During the first weeks Sirius had barely talked, and Remus hadn't tried to force him, because to be honest he didn't feel much like speaking either. Then, little by little, they had started rebuilding their friendship. But every time they tried to be carefree or even flirty, the way they were before, a tense silence always fell on them right afterwards, as if to remind them that they couldn't be that way ever again. Talk about injustice, Remus thought.

But well, you could still try, right?

"Cheese in a can..." Remus said once again, thoughtfully, looking at it with raised eyebrows. "Sirius, you're not really going to eat that, are you?"

"Of course I am!" Sirius said, grinning. "If Muggles can eat it, there's no reason I can't!"

"But...it's in a can!" Remus stammered, eyes wide and gesturing to the object in question.

Sirius laughed, grabbed the can and sprayed a bit of cheese on his finger. Then stuck said finger in his mouth.

Remus gulped.

Sirius saw it.

Before Remus could process what was happening, Sirius had gotten up, gone around the table, pushed Remus' chair, and straddled him, sitting on his lap. All of a sudden Sirius' mischievous eyes were inches away from his own and his lips, curled in a smile, were temptingly close. Sirius' body was warm on his thighs.

Remus gulped again, blinking like an owl in bright daylight. Sirius' smile turned into a smirk as he raised the can and pointed its tip towards Remus' face.

"Oh no," Remus said, amazed to be capable of speech under such circumstances. "You are not going to do this."

"Oh yes," Sirius purred. Then he pressed the button, and cheese piled up on Remus' nose. Sirius laughed, thoroughly pleased, and Remus scowled.

"Very funny."

"It is," Sirius agreed, nodding. Remus had expected his face to look like a cheesecake by the end of things but Sirius suddenly put the can back on the table, looking down at Remus with a thoughtful, almost nervous expression.

"What?" Remus pouted.

Sirius leaned down, and gently licked the cheese off the tip of Remus' nose, before pressing his lips against it. Remus' body went rigid, his palms moist and trembling. Sirius sensed him tensing and immediately looked remorseful, so Remus summoned whatever strength he still had and leaned up, brushing his lips against Sirius'. He closed his eyes tightly, praying for it to be the right answer, for Sirius' gesture to have been what he thought it'd been.

He remained immobile, lips millimetres away from Sirius', eyes closed, waiting for something to happen. He could feel Sirius' quickening breath fanning on his mouth and chin, his long hair caressing his cheeks. Then Sirius sighed, a strange sigh, and kissed Remus, shyly at first, then tenderly, taking his time. Remus kissed him back, feeling his heart beating in his throat, too stunned to even think about touching him.

Then screeches erupted from the corridor and they broke apart, windless even though they hadn't even deepened the kiss, eyes wide and more alive than they had been in years. Sirius slowly stood up and got away from Remus' lap, turning towards the door at the exact same time Kingsley Shacklebolt walked in.

"Hey there," he greeted, shaking Kingsley's hand. "I'll go shut her up, shall I?" he asked, then walked to the door, swinging his hips slightly, the same way he used to when he was seventeen and trying to get Remus into bed. Remus had to repress a laugh, feeling pretty much like he was seventeen again himself.

Yes, he thought as Sirius disappeared up the stairs. Trying was definitely worth it.

*C*C*

Remus closed his book and looked at the door with wonder, waiting for another knock, just to be sure he hadn't imagined the first one.

"Moony?" Sirius' voice was muffled by the wood, but the hesitation in his tone wasn't.

Remus jumped from his bed and hurried to the door, heart thumping. It was past midnight. What could have happened?

"What's wrong?" he asked as soon as the door was opened, scrutinizing Sirius' face for signs of tears, fear, anything bad.

"Couldn't sleep," Sirius said casually, shrugging. "Thought I'd come see if you were still up," he added. He was trying so bad not to look desperate that in the end he sounded like he didn't care at all whether Remus wanted to see him or not.

Remus gazed at him for some time, his feet frozen on the cold wooden floor.

"Can I come in?" Sirius finally asked, shifting on his long legs.

"Why?" Remus asked, then sighed, smiling, and stood away, beckoning Sirius inside. The door closed and trapped them together.

"I wanted to see you," Sirius said again, but now his voice was hoarse. He took a step forward, fingers hooked in his pyjama pants.

Remus raised his eyebrows in a silent question, nervously playing with the bottom of his shirt. Only it wasn't his shirt, it was Sirius'. He chuckled, embarrassed, but when he looked back up Sirius was looking at him with such intensity that it didn't leave any doubt to what Remus could, should, do.

He reached up and barely brushed Sirius' cheek with his fingertips, smiling softly. Sirius took a deep breath and leaned forward, eyes closing by themselves. Their lips grazed each other, then Remus' hand slipped into Sirius' hair and brought him further down, crashing their mouths together in a desperate kiss, hand fisting around silky strands of jet black hair.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and pushed him up against his chest, almost rough. "It's been...so long...needed you...so much..." he mumbled between kisses, eyes now staring at Remus' flushing face, greedily memorizing every wrinkle, every curve.

"Me too," Remus replied before invading Sirius' mouth in the sweetest way possible, looking for all the world as if he was trying to escalade his body.

They broke apart as suddenly as they had crashed into each other, panting.

"Can I stay tonight?" Sirius asked, almost grave.

"Yes," Remus replied. And to make sure there was no doubt as to the nature of their sleep-in, he took Sirius' hands in his and brought them to the top button of his shirt.

It fell to the floor without a noise, uncovering pale, scarred skin.

"Can I?" Sirius asked again in a whisper, and when Remus nodded, his lips twitching up, Sirius' fingers brushed against his skin with deference, like he was touching a statue in a museum, afraid of getting caught.

Remus shivered, for more than one reason, and caught Sirius' hand in his once more. "Let's get under the covers," he whispered, pulling Sirius with him until they were both lying in bed.

There was a pause, then Sirius pushed Remus on his back and his lips started back where his fingers had stopped. Remus gasped, lying still and staring at the ceiling as Sirius' tongue traced broken paths on his chest, lips claiming bits of skin, teeth marking flesh.

When Sirius laid his hand on Remus' heaving stomach, it was trembling. "I'm not really sure I know how to...anymore..." he admitted, looking up from his lover's chest and tittering.

Remus raised an eyebrow, smiling cockily, then pushed Sirius on his side and whispered against his mouth: "I believe it's like riding a broom...you can never really forget." He saw the doubt and nervousness into Sirius' eyes and added, his hand drifting down to stir Sirius' interest, "But I'll teach you anyway."

Very soon, Sirius decided to show his teacher that he was indeed making quick progresses.

The caresses were foreign and familiar, tracing the maps of bodies so different from before, and yet still the same. Remus' lips felt like charcoals against Sirius' skin, so unaccustomed to physical contacts, to any contact, from twelve years (fourteen, really) spent alone with his fears. Azkaban had made him forget that his body could give him pleasure, that it could feel other things than stings and cold. He had forgotten the inner warmth that could spread like ruby seaweed, just from the wet feel of Remus' tongue against his ribs. He remembered vaguely that once upon a time he had been slim and toned from Quidditch and youth, and felt ashamed of his gaunt, too sharp body, but Remus seemed to think it was just fine as it was, if the erection pressed insistently against Sirius' leg was to be trusted.

Their bodies felt like they were coming back to life under the touch of skin dearly missed, and their reactions seemed stronger than they had been in their youth, but maybe they didn't remember them well.

Then they were suddenly sitting up and Sirius was kissing his long-lost boyfriend with all the tenderness he could still muster, holding him close to keep him warm, hands spreading on his back and pressing him closer, always closer. And Remus' legs somehow managed to wrap around his waist and oh god how could you live without feeling this, all of this, for so long and oh yes just this way you know I've always loved it this way please please keep doing it never stop never stop again I love you I've never stopped.

When they finally got past the foreplay, dawn was already sipping through the window in golden dust.

*C*C*

"I made you some tea."

Remus blinked, then looked up from the book he had been reading, up into golden brown eyes and hair like burning ashes. Bill smiled slightly, a bit sadly perhaps, and gently put the hot mug on the coffee table in front of Remus.

"Oh. ...thanks," Remus said softly, his hands unconsciously covering the picture he used as a bookmark, even though by now Bill knew every picture, every story.

"Let me guess...Reading The Cycle of the Werewolf again?" Bill asked, amused.

Remus shrugged. "I like his views on things."

"Hey, talking about that, you know what I just found back while cleaning my desk?"

Remus managed to look mildly interested.

"An old copy of the Prophet, with one of Lockhart's exploits."

This time a soft smile stretched Remus' lips. "That's what those laughs coming from upstairs meant, then?"

Bill's smile stretched more, sending butterflies into Remus' stomach, no matter how remote from all this he felt just then. "How Lockhart defeated the Wagga Wagga werewolf. I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time, let me tell you." He sighed happily, then asked, "Remember that letter you sent him at the time? I'm so glad you kept a copy of it..."

Remus silently nodded. On any other day, he would have laughed and fetched the letter, but not today. Before Bill could add anything, Remus' eyes fell back on his lap, silently ending the conversation. He dimly saw Bill standing up, disappearing from his side; strong hands came to rest on his shoulders, massaging them.

"You're all tensed up," Bill said, his tone very different from the joking voice he had sported a few seconds before, as if his small unsuccessful attempt at making Remus brighten up had never existed. "...Just a few hours left." His voice was trying to be casual, but Remus heard the distance in it. He could almost feel Bill's eyes staring at the blanket peeking out from under the heavy volume, all tattered and dusty. Padfoot's blanket. The only thing, apart from Wolfsbane, that could appease the wolf.

"Yeah," Remus answered absently. He waited two seconds, then abruptly said: "I want to be alone."

Bill's hands stopped, then smoothly left his shoulders. "I understand," he said, his voice deep and comprehensive. "If you need me..." he added as an hesitating afterthought. He leaned down, aiming a kiss at Remus' cheek, but Remus sensed it and bent forward, away from his lover's mouth. Bill didn't say anything, just stood back up and quietly left the living-room. Soon there were noises of pans and jars coming from the kitchen, and the sound of Bill humming softly under his breath. Then, as if a sound was coming late, a door closing, muffling the noises.

THE END.