Through the Looking Glass

Chapter 4

A Dark Place

Harry dragged himself into his room and quietly shut the door. He felt as if he was moving through a haze. So much had happened to him, he couldn't think properly. Thoughts were colliding in his head, leaving him dizzy and confused.

How could his aunt have tried to comfort him? She, who had never once shown an ounce of compassion toward Harry, tried to hold his hand! What was she thinking? Did she finally realize that Harry wasn't sick or twisted, but was her nephew and deserved kindness? Was she feeling guilty over how she had treated him, or was it guilt over how she had treated his Mum? He had never understood how she could show so much love and devotion to that lump Dudley, and so much contempt for him. How could a mother act like that? He had always assumed that once a woman had a child, she would show that same degree of compassion towards all kids, like Mrs. Weasley. He felt certain, that if the situations were reversed, his Mum would have treated Dudley as if he was her son. Aren't all mothers the same? Don't they all want a child to feel safe and loved?

Harry couldn't think about that any longer. It was a puzzle that he had neither the time, nor the energy, to solve. His mind could only grasp one disturbing fact, that he couldn't possibly handle any more loss. He felt so empty; yet, his heart was so full of pain. He wanted to run away - to escape the thoughts in his head, escape his life. The reality was pressing in so hard; Harry could feel himself starting to crack. The loss of Sirius. The frustration of having to live with the Dursleys. The knowledge that he would not be permitted to go to The Burrow this summer. Harry knew that he could break at any moment. He threw the letter on the table. He didn't want to touch it ever again. Harry was leaning on his chair, holding on as if it were a lifeline and if he let go - he would surely be lost forever.

Uncle Vernon proved his undoing. Harry heard him slowly puffing up the stairs. He willed him to continue down the hall, to leave him alone. However, he didn't. He was going to show himself to be the selfish pig that Harry had always known him to be. Furiously, Vernon pushed open the door and stomped into the room. Hedwig sensed that something was amiss. She protectively flew to Harry, landing on the desk next to him.

"So, after all the time, money, and effort we have given - you can't even see fit to pay us back!"

"Please-just-go." Harry was shaking, but he tried to hold back the anger that was blossoming deep in his stomach. He drew deep breaths, trying to keep the demons at bay.

"Is this how freaks like you show gratitude?"

"Please. Just. Go. Now." Harry knew he couldn't take much more. He closed his eyes, to block out his uncle. He sensed a cold gust blowing through his hair, wind whipping around him, billowing the curtains. He felt a storm coming, filling the room with a sharp sensation of an impending disaster.

"Is this all we can expect? Not even a thank you?"

Harry's head jerked up and he threw his hand out, as if to stop his uncle. Light was sparking off him. The wind was blowing fiercely now and he was having trouble standing. He screamed, "LEAVE!" Magic swelled in Harry. A stream of white light gushed forth from his hand, propelling Vernon from the room, slamming him against the wall, the door crashing shut in his face.

With the power emanating from Harry now trapped, the room started to vibrate. He heard the sound of glass shattering, curtains ripping from their window. The wind howled all around him, blowing his closet doors off their hinges. Power was still surging through Harry, making him shudder and wince in pain.

A powerful shockwave caught him and threw him to his knees. Ripples of light were rolling outward from Harry's trembling body. The walls throbbed from the power hurled at them. Hedwig flew out the window, hooting her concern and displeasure.

Harry's foundation was cracking; he was on the edge, ready to fall. With his world upside down, drowning in his grief, Harry screamed with a pain that was a thousand times worse then 'Crucio'. His lungs collapsed and violently refilled. He clung to the floor, gasping, trying to stop his fall, but it was futile. He was plunging into an abyss of his own making, lost to all. He begged the Fates to change his past. He cried out for release, but he knew no one would answer. No one could save him. His mind shut down as he realized his absolute isolation from the world. He had nothing to look forward to except complete loneliness.

He was losing the battle and he knew it was about to claim him. He was its prisoner - a victim of his own hell. Harry was falling into a pit, so deep and black, that he would never be able to escape. He finally understood that he had to accept his curse; he was a murderer. Grief was devouring him. He gave in to the suffocating pressure dragging him down. Light-headedness overtook him and his vision blurred, he saw nothing but bursts of black and white dancing before him. His body collapsed, his mind floating free. He heard nothing but a vague pounding and someone calling his name. It was too late; he was consumed by the shadows. His last clear thought was a hand reaching out to grasp his as he fell into the void.

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Since returning home from the station, Ginny hadn't felt well. She couldn't understand, she wasn't sick exactly - more sad. She didn't know why either. Nothing had happened to her since leaving Hogwarts.

Mum and Dad, along with her twin brothers, had meet her, Ron, Hermione, and Harry on the other side of the barrier to Platform 9 ¾. A few members of The Order were there as well, which surprised Ginny. Her Dad, along with Professor Lupin, Tonks, and Professor Moody had obviously wanted to talk with the Dursleys. Ginny didn't know what was said, her Mum saw to that, though she was fairly sure she could guess.

They wanted to make sure that Harry was being properly looked after, not being punished or ignored. Whom was she fooling; they wanted to make sure he was not being treated as their servant. It was horrible how pale and thin he looked when he finally was allowed to join the Weasleys each summer. What was worse was how beaten he always seemed. They always managed to knock any happiness out of him. His eyes would always appear hollow, void of joy.

This summer Ginny doubted they would allow Harry to visit. She hoped she was wrong, only the prospects didn't look good. She was sure Professor Dumbledore wouldn't allow Harry to come to The Burrow and she knew Harry wouldn't agree to come if they were at Grimmauld Place. Ginny understood. She wasn't sure that she ever wanted to return there, either. The place held too many memories, and she didn't want to see Kreacher or listen to Mrs. Black ever again.

In the time since returning home, Ginny had unpacked her trunk and helped Ron degnome the garden. While helping start dinner, an owl came and delivered a note addressed to her Mum and Dad. Her Mum didn't seem happy and quickly stuffed it in her apron pocket.

As the afternoon inched on, she felt off. Not only was she getting a headache, her body ached, and she was listless and restless. Her Mum didn't seem to notice, or if she had, she was not saying anything. Ginny's Mum had been watching her closely for several summers now. She realized her Mum dreaded the idea of her young daughter having a summer similar to the one at the end of her first year. Granted, Ginny was having some bad dreams about what happened in the Department of Mysteries, though nothing compared to her nightmares after what happened in The Chamber. She was doing remarkably well, however, she worried about Ron and Hermione. Ron seemed to be in constant pain and the dark circles under his eyes told of his sleepless nights. Hermione, well, she always had an arm to her chest, as if protecting herself from further attack. She was also having nightmares; Parvati had told her, that Hermione would wake up during the night screaming in pain and in a cold sweat.

At dinner, Ginny took her usual place next to Ron. She had been sitting next to him for as long as she could remember. Mum used to say they were as thick as thieves. Ginny liked that - being close to Ron. She would never admit it, but he was her favorite brother. She had missed him when he went to Hogwarts, jealous that he would make new friends and leave her behind. And he did just that. Time went on and he had come to include her again in his circle of friends. She hadn't realized how she missed it until it had happened.

Though dinner was delicious, Ginny ate very little. Her head was starting to pound and her stomach was doing flip-flops. Her Mum kept a close watch on her, noticing how Ginny had pushed her food around her plate and finally hid it under her napkin. Ginny was grateful that her Mum neither mentioned her lack of appetite nor her worries. She had decided to lie down in her room after cleaning up the kitchen, when Ron asked if she wanted to play chess. Ginny thought that this might help take her mind off her pain, so she agreed.

Ron set up the board and they sat in silence while each worked out their moves. The distraction was working. Ginny did feel slightly better. She had just made a move that was sure to trap Ron's knight when her hands started to shake. She didn't want Ron to notice, so she sat on them. Luckily, Ron took some time to plan his next attack and her hands relaxed and she pulled them out from under her legs. Ginny's head was really hurting now and she felt nauseous. She didn't want Ron to notice that she wasn't feeling well. The light in the room was hurting her eyes. She squeezed them shut, as tight as possible, so nothing could come through, when Ron's voice broke her concentration.

"Oiy! You going to move or do you give up?" He was always trying to pressure Ginny into forfeiting, but she had never backed down.

Ginny tried to grin. "Just thinking." She looked at the board; only it was getting foggy. She could feel herself start to shiver and break out in a sweat. Her heart was pounding and she was having hard time breathing. Suddenly the pain was so intense, she cried out as she grabbed her head. She looked at Ron with tears in her eyes. Ginny felt a blinding light surround her. What was happening to her?

Though Ginny couldn't see clearly, she was pretty sure Ron had moved to her side. She dreaded the look she knew would be on his face - panic and helplessness. Without warning, Ginny fell to the floor, curled up in a ball, and pulled at her hair. She was screaming, but no sound was coming out of her mouth.

Suddenly, her vision cleared and she saw Ron was on his knees, trying to hold her. He was speaking, but she couldn't hear the words. Distantly she felt the presence of some harm, she needed to defend herself, but she couldn't see her attacker. Ginny willed her arms and legs to move, to kick and scratch, to fight it off. They weren't obeying her. If she could only see what it was!

Ginny rolled onto her back, looked Ron in the eyes, and prayed she could get an intelligent sound out of her mouth. "It hurts Ron...help me...please help me!" A wrenching pain ripped through her body. Back arched, she tried to ride the waves, but they were grabbing hold and sucking her down. She reached for the hand in front of her as the black spots dancing before her eyes converged and she passed from consciousness.