What It Takes

EPILOGUE: NEVER GOODBYE

"Where'd those come from?"

Remus couldn't hide the fear and mild anger in his voice as Sirius fastened the top button of his shirt. Something was wrong; he was putting on clothes. Not that they weren't beautiful--the pants were a soft black velvet, and the crimson shirt was made of silk. But that was totally beside the point. They were clothes, something neither of them had bothered to don in weeks.

Sirius turned his head slightly so that he was facing Remus. There were tears welling up in his wide blue eyes, Remus noted, tears like the one's Remus had cried the night they'd first come together again.

"Sirius," whispered Remus, his voice quavering slightly, "you're scaring me."

Sirius cast his eyes downward. "Moony, please don't make this any harder than it has to be. You have to--"

"No!" Remus shouted, shedding tears of his own now as he violently seized Sirius by his upper arms. "Don't, Sirius! Why are you doing this?"

Sirius growled as he tore himself out of Remus' grasp and trudged toward his motorbike. Still standing, he gripped the leather-padded handles firmly and let out an audible sigh. Remus remained fixed, his hands trembling at his sides. Sirius was going. Sirius was leaving....

"I need you," said Remus in a soft but adamant whisper.

"No," Sirius murmured, turning to look at him over his now leather jacket-clad shoulder. "You need to be rid of me, Remus. I'm no good to you dead."

"What are you talking about?" Remus cried out, moving swiftly toward him. He reached both arms around Sirius and embraced him, burying his face in his lover's dark, free-flowing mane. "I don't care if you're alive or dead. You're everything to me, Sirius! I won't let you go, not again!"

"Listen to me," Sirius whispered, turning in Remus' arms and forcing him back a few inches, only enough to properly gaze into his eyes. "I can't make you do anything. But listen...I want you to take off the Binding Band, Remus."

"No! I won't--"

"Listen, I said!" Sirius growled, shaking Remus' shoulders in a manner that seemed both a bit violent and frightening. "What have you done in the past month that has been of any benefit to the Order whatsoever?"

Remus opened his mouth to answer, but realized he had no answer to give. Sirius was right. He hadn't done much at all for the Order. In fact, the last time he'd done anything to help the Order had been giving Moody the vibratory Sneak-o-Scope the night he....

"You've got me there, Padfoot," he said, a hint of bitter laughter in his voice.

Sirius sighed, closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Remus'. "You've got a war to win, Moony. You've got people in the real world who need you now. You've got...you've got to take care of Harry, got to look after Harry."

"I can't," Remus whispered, shaking his head. "Not the way you did!"

Sirius chuckled. "What do I ever do for Harry? Gave him some false hopes, I guess, and got him into some real danger more than a couple times."

"You loved him," said Remus. He lifted one hand to stroke Sirius' soft hair.

"You can do that, too, Moony," Sirius whispered, smiling. "You're wonderful at that. I ought to know, right? You, the man who managed to keep loving me even when you thought I'd delivered three of your best friends into the hands of Death. You can love him. He's Harry! What is there not to love?"

Remus gave no answer but nodded and pulled Sirius closer, resting his chin comfortably on the man's shoulder. He could love Harry. He could do that. He loved Harry already, didn't he? He would have given anything, gone anywhere, fought anyone to protect Harry.

"I'll always be here for you," Remus heard Sirius whisper in his ear, causing the tears to flow more freely now. "Make it through this war, Remus. I know you can. Make it through this war on your own, and I'll be right here, waiting for you."

"And we'll be together forever," said Remus, struggling as hard as he could to keep himself from sobbing the words. "That was the old promise--together forever. You and me...Remus and Sirius...Moony and Padfoot...whoever the hell we are. And when I die, it'll only be to return to you."

"Yes!" Sirius sighed. He gripped Remus' face in his hands and fiercely pressed a kissed to his lips. "It's not the end, Moony. Don't look on it like that. You're strong. You have what it takes to let go. I know you do. You can do this."

Remus bit hard into his bottom lip. He knew Sirius' words were true. But the thought of not closing his eyes to find Sirius waiting for him in their dream world hurt. The thought of waiting indefinitely for the battling to end hurt. And every single moment he would spend without Sirius now, he knew, would hurt.

But pain was a part of life. If Remus didn't know that already, then he'd learned absolutely nothing from nearly forty years of experience. There were things he had to accept; responsibility was one of those. And Sirius.... In the end, Sirius would be with him again. Sirius would never leave him, not really. Whether or not he saw the man again, alive or dead, Remus would carry a piece of Sirius with him for the rest of his life.

"I can," he replied, lifting one hand to wipe the tears from his face.

Sirius smiled and sighed, then gently released Remus. Their gazes remained fixed as Sirius mounted his bike and kick-started the engine. Remus closed his still-trembling hands over the man's shoulders.

"I love you, Sirius Black," he whispered, bending low to meet Sirius' mouth.

"And I am so in love with you, Remus Lupin!" Sirius huffed before plunging into the kiss with enough passion and intensity to make Remus melt against him. His fingers dug harder into Sirius' shoulders as Sirius' hands clung tightly to Remus' waist. Remus didn't want to let go. He would have given anything to make this kiss last forever. But as the kiss softened, he knew such a thing could never be.

"Back to reality, Remus," said Sirius as he traced the delicate lines of Remus' face with his fingertips. "But it's never goodbye."

Remus nodded his head and took two very determined steps backward. "I know, love. I'll see you soon."

Sirius smiled softly and blew a final farewell kiss before turning away from Remus and guiding the Shadow high into the sky above the treetops. As he watched the bike and its beautiful rider disappear out of site, Remus wasn't thinking on the places he too had to go, nor was the prospect of a life without Sirius weighing any longer on his mind. There was now only one thing plaguing his thoughts--

What was there to be done with a ring he could not wear?

***

Harry paused just outside the door to Snape's bedroom. One hand rested on the knob; the other was clutching Hedwig's cage, inside which the beautiful snowy owl was peacefully sleeping. He breathed deeply, made a quick scan of the hall to make certain no one was around, then pressed the door open and stepped inside the room.

Snape was seated at his small writing desk, hovering over a scroll of parchment. His quill worked fast to finish whatever it was he had been writing, and then he lifted his eyes to meet Harry's and smiled.

"Still here?" he said pleasantly, rolling up the parchment and rising from his seat behind the desk. "I thought you lot would be gone by now."

"Just leaving," said Harry. "I just...I wanted to pop in before we headed out."

Snape moved toward Harry, closing the distance between them as Harry sat Hedwig's cage onto the floor. Harry felt arms enfolding him, and he happily yielded to the embrace. Snape's woolen robes felt nice against his cheek when he nuzzled his shoulder. He didn't want to leave this room, where so much had unfolded over the past month, much less go back to Hogwarts. This was enough. This was perfect.

"I wish I knew what to say to right now," Harry mumbled against Snape's shoulder.

Snape sighed, then gently lifted Harry's head until he was looking him in the eye. "Don't say anything at all."

Harry hurled himself into a kiss, startling Snape and nearly sending him onto the floor, which, Harry thought, wouldn't have been so terrible. His fingers stroked the coarse, sharp line of Snape's jaw, then slid over his neck and shoulders. He felt Snape's hands pressing roughly into the small of his back, kneading his hips as if releasing the sheer physical anguish that Harry hoped the man was feeling as acutely as he himself was.

Finally, he couldn't help himself. He snaked his hand between his body and Snape's and began to massage the region with which he'd recently become so well-acquainted.

"Don't do that, Harry," Snape whispered hoarsely. There was nothing angry in the tone of his voice, but Harry removed his hand, anyway.

"What's the matter?"

Snape closed his eyes. The stubble of his cheek grazed Harry's as he shook his head. "Nothing. It's just that...we don't have time for this. You've got to leave for Kings Cross."

Harry nuzzled Snape's neck. "Don't want to," he muttered. "I don't want to leave you."

Snape laughed; Harry could have killed him for it. "I wish you didn't have to, Harry, but--"

"Come, then!" Harry said suddenly. "Come to Kings Cross with us."

Snape sighed. His face turned remarkably sober. "You know I can't do that, Harry. Don't you think it'll look a bit suspicious to the Malfoys and the Crabbes and the Goyles and all the other Death Eater families if Severus Snape, who is supposed to be a Death Eater himself, turns up accompanying Harry Potter to the Hogwarts Express? It's too risky."

And then, as quickly as he had grown serious a second before, he beamed at Harry. "Besides, the chances of me being able to keep my hands...or mouth...off of you are quite slim. What's Draco going to do if he eyes me snogging his least favorite Gryffindor?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Draco Malfoy's face upon witnessing a scene like that. What would the little ferret say if he knew all that had passed between Harry and the Slytherin's esteemed Head of House? Harry could only imagine.

"Good point," said Harry. "And while the Gryffindors are generally a tolerant group of individuals, I don't know how well they would react to seeing me locked in some wild, passionate embrace with the only professor who takes more points from our house than he gives."

"Very true. And besides," said Snape, pressing a quick kiss to Harry's forehead, "you'll see me tonight at the Start-of-Term Feast. And...only if you want, I mean...you could always use that damned Invisibility Cloak of yours to sneak down to my chambers in the dungeons tonight."

Harry's eyes dulled slightly. "So, what, see you in Potions class and then sneaking off to shag you at night? Is that all it's going to be?"

Snape rolled his eyes, and immediately Harry couldn't help but feel a bit stupid. "You know that's not what I meant. Harry, I...."

"What?"

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Severus," Harry replied, smiling.

Snape kissed him quickly, then grinned and rolled his eyes again. "You're going to have to start calling me 'Sir' or 'Professor' again, you know."

Harry sniggered and thrust his hips against Snape's. "You sure?" he said coyly. "I'm almost positive I could think of some other things to call you."

"Don't you dare!" Snape chuckled, burying his face in Harry's hair as he embraced him a final time. "I don't even want to think what the Slytherins would say to you calling me--"

"HARRY! Mum says get down here NOW!" shouted Ron from the downstairs landing.

Harry gave out a low growl and bent to take up Hedwig's cage. "I guess I'd better be heading downstairs," he muttered.

"Just one second," said Snape, who hurried over to his desk and picked up the parchment on which he'd been writing when Harry had come in. "It's a letter," he explained as he opened the folds of Harry's school robes and tucked the parchment inside an inner pocket. "I meant to wait till you were on the Hogwarts Express to send this to you by owl, but since you stopped by...."

"What's it say?" asked Harry anxiously.

Snape opened his mouth as if to answer, then closed it suddenly. "It's.... Just read it when you get on the train," he said.

Harry nodded. "Alright, then. Well, I guess this is goodbye."

"No," Snape whispered, smiling as he drew closer to Harry. "This is 'See you later.'"

Harry's eyes drifted shut as Snape's fingers brushed against the palm of his free hand, then closed around it. They shared a last brief, gentle kiss, and moved apart slowly. Harry reached blindly for the knob of the door, while his eyes remained fixed on Snape.

"Tonight," Harry whispered.

"Is that a promise, Mr. Potter?"

He nodded and smiled. "Cross my heart and hope to die...Sir."

***

It hadn't been overly difficult for Harry to find an empty cart on the Hogwarts Express, and with Ron and Hermione off with the rest of the Prefects for a good hour or so, Harry had all the privacy he might possibly need.

He lounged sleepily on a long velvety bench, idly studying the ring Remus had given him. It was quite lovely, shining solid silver covered with intricate carvings. Were they Celtic? Perhaps he would ask Seamus later. "Hold onto it as good luck through the War," Remus had said. "Sirius would want you to." Had this ring, then, belonged to Sirius? He thought for a moment that it might have been a Black family heirloom. Then again, why would Sirius have cared about something symbolic of the Black family? All the same, it was nice to have something by which to remember Sirius, to feel that he was carrying a part of his godfather with him.

Quickly but carefully, Harry peeked out into the corridor of the train to make certain that no one he knew was approaching. The coast was clear; he pulled the letter from Snape out of his robes, unrolling the parchment with all the care and consideration one might apply to an ancient tome. He couldn't help but smile at the salutation....

My Beautiful Boy,

Words could not possibly express just how greatly I have come to value the closeness you and I have shared this past month. Caring for someone again was a possibility I hadn't considered at all, but you, with all your brashness and impudence and I-never-fail-to-get-my-way nature, changed all that. No matter how often I have chided you over the past five years, these are the very things that have, in fact, endeared you to me. I have grown to love you, Harry, more than I ever thought possible, either in spite of or because of those qualities.

That being said, I must also remind you that those qualities may serve to land you in a great deal of trouble this coming year if you are not careful.

Firstly, no matter how much you may trust your dear friends in Gryffindor, I pray that you will keep all that has happened between the two of us a complete secret. As loyal a young man as Ronald Weasley might be, the forgetfulness and frequent carelessness he has always exhibited in Potions troubles me. Your undeniably handsome tail end will not be the only one on the line if the Powers That Be ever get wind of this. Keep in mind that you will not be of age for another eleven months, and also mind the fact that I am a teacher and you are my student. I rather enjoy the security of employment, Harry.

Secondly, I know what great fun it must be to have free reign of the school under the protection of an Invisibility Cloak. However, now that the news of Voldemort's return is being generally accepted by the wizarding public, a set of rules similar to those set in place during your second year are likely to be taken up once again. I realize that, for us to be together, some of these rules may have to be broken. With that in mind, I must urge you to keep your nighttime wanderings to a minimum. If you are coming to see me, come straight to my chambers. Do not, I repeat, do not go marauding about as you have so often been apt to do. I say this because I do not want you to find yourself in detention (unless it's with me...) and, more importantly, because I want to know that you are safe. In the future, we may have to arrange some more cautionary sort of meeting plan. Until then, heed my advice: BE CAREFUL!

Alright, then, I am done with bossing you about, as I am certain you are relieved to know. This is going to be a challenge, but Merlin! I know it will be worth the effort. I love you, Harry, so very, very much. You have made me realize that it is possible to care and to trust and to love without knowing pain. And here I thought I was the teacher.... So thank you, Harry, for absolutely everything you've done for me, everything you've made me feel, every kiss, every touch, every whispered word of love, every moment you have allowed me to remain in your presence.

Ah, but isn't this something new and different? The dreadful git of a Potions Master has stripped away his abrasive demeanor and does, apparently, possess emotions! Don't laugh--even the fiercest of creatures have an instinctive urge to protect and nurture the ones they love. I'm no exception to that rule.

As a young man, I was indebted to your father after he saved my life, as you well know. It was a fact that I was never able to fully accept, something I resented, something that, if I'm being perfectly honest, frightened me. But now, a Potter has again saved me, albeit in an entirely different manner. Yes, Harry, whether you know it or not, you have saved my life. And do you know what? I am more than willing to accept that. I am not frightened at all. I am now indebted to you, and I do not resent the truth of that in the slightest. I am fully prepared to spend every day and every night for as long as fate will allow, making absolutely certain you know how grateful I am to you.

So, I suppose this is all for now. I hope it will suffice to show you just how much I want to continue this...whatever it is...and that I will do everything in my power to make this work and to make it last. You and I, we've got what it takes.

I hope very much to see you tonight, particularly to see you sneaking through my chamber door under your Invisibility Cloak. Until then, I send my love and greatest affection, hoping to receive yours in return.

Very much yours,

S

As if the man had to hope. Harry loved him; he was more certain of that than he'd ever been of anything.

Smiling to himself, he tucked the note back into the pockets of his robes as he heard Ron and Hermione's voices moving down the corridor toward him.

"I'd like to know just who the bloody hell Draco Malfoy thinks he is!" Ron growled, swinging into the compartment and throwing himself onto the bench beside Harry. His face was so flushed that it was nearly as red as the hair on his head. "That sodding prat took all his sodding family's sodding money and used it all to renovate the sodding Slytherin dungeons!"

"A desperate attempt at gaining Head Boy status for next year, I'd say," offered Hermione, who looked just as angry as Ron.

"Bloody git," muttered Ron. "I don't know what's going to be worse to have to deal with this year, Malfoy or bloody O.W.L. Potions class!"

"You got into O.W.L. Potions?" asked Hermione incredulously.

"Unfortunately," said Ron. "That class is going to be bloody impossible to pass!"

Harry smiled inwardly, and as he thought back over all that had happened in the past month, he couldn't help but disagree with his best friend.

Potions was going to be an absolutely cinch.

THE END