Rebel Prince

"Lay low at Lupin's," Dumbledore had instructed Sirius, but this place wasn't mine. Not really, even though this had been my home for almost a year. It wasn't much, this shabby three-room apartment in what could have perhaps been the dumpiest lodgings in all of Scotland, the McMurtrey Inn. But Dumbledore had insisted I remain close; perhaps he'd known all along what was coming.

It had been only one week earlier that I had received the letter telling me all that had happened at Hogwarts. From the beginning of the Triwizard Tournament, Dumbledore had been kind enough to keep me updated on each strange and challenging task as well has how Harry had fared in each. His success did not come as a surprise to me. In fact, it was likely the least shocking aspect of the tournament. As for the more shocking aspects--the infiltration of Barty Crouch, Jr., Cedric Diggory's death, Voldemort's return and Harry's narrow escape--those were only a few of the worries plaguing my mind at present.

Certainly, I was concerned for Harry, but I knew in my heart that the boy was far too strong a wizard, even at the age of fourteen, to bother fearing for his life. Harry had escaped death at the hands of Voldemort no less than four times. I myself had taught him to ward off dementors with a Patronus charm, and extraordinary task for a teenage boy, and I had seen him show remarkable grace and courage in the presence of the very wizard who had delivered his mother and father into the hands of death. As much as I loved and cared for Harry, the truth of the matter was that, even without the support of those wizards and witches close to him, Harry Potter could undoubtedly hold his own.

It was another wizard I was fretting over now, one that, while trouble might not necessarily be coming for him, might no doubt go searching for it himself.

I read over the last paragraphs of Dumbledore's letter once more--

Sirius Black is a wizard I trust with my whole heart. I have faith that he will do all he can to round up those members of the Order who can be summoned. When I told him to lie low with you in Glasgow, I thought it a request to which you would not object. You do not, do you? As I understand it, you and Sirius have reconciled, correct? But if I am indeed mistaken, I apologize profusely and would have you send me word of your objections so that I might find lodgings for Sirius elsewhere immediately.

I hope for the Order of the Phoenix to meet again officially in the not-too-distant future. In the meantime, Sirius is in your charge. Do what you can to keep both him and yourself out of harm's way.

I laughed to myself and let the letter fall out of my fingers onto the dusty wooden floor. Keeping Sirius Black out of harm's way was like trying to keep a bird perched on your finger for all eternity. And Sirius, with an unfailing ability to get his way.... How was I ever going to keep that man chained up?

But like so many other important details that I knew I should have been worrying myself sick over, the good behavior that Dumbledore seemed to be insisting I demand of Sirius was nothing more than a passing thought in my mind. Any thought of Sirius brought me back to the quick, feral glints of hunger in his pale eyes, the roughness of his hands on my skin, and the way whispered promises that had gone unheard for thirteen years and made something so long forgotten stir within me.

I don't know how many hours I stood by the window, watching hundreds upon hundreds of muggles pass by on the crowded streets of Glasgow. The candles on the windowsill had melted down to waxy stubs, their tiny blue flames threatening to be snuffed out at any moment. Where was he, dammit? This waiting was becoming experience comparable to relentless torture at the mercy of some unseen Power.

I was angry with myself, but for what? Maybe it was for looking so damned terrible these days. My dim reflection in the windowpane was beginning to irritate me. I could see the heavy bags under my deep-set brown eyes, the streaks of gray in my tangled blonde hair, the layer of stubble covering my jaw. There was absolutely no excuse for this; the full moon was still weeks away. Sleep was what I needed, and maybe a scalding-hot shower as well.

No, Sirius was what I needed, and Sirius was most definitely the reason for my anger. It had been a mistake, letting him come to me here before setting out on the task that Dumbledore had assigned him, letting him tell me he loved me and telling him the same thing as if I hadn't gone an entire year with no word from him at all, letting him kiss and touch and make love to me as if we were still the carefree, battle-ready young lovers we'd been during the First War.

That had been just one week ago; did Dumbledore know about that? Certainly not. What would he have said if he knew that the wizard he trusted with his whole heart had postponed completion of the orders he'd been assigned for a shag that, in all likelihood, wasn't nearly as meaningful as either of us had implied?

I wanted to stay mad, but I couldn't. Especially not when I saw him at last, not as Sirius, but as the galloping, black-coated Padfoot, racing down the crowded sidewalk and then stopping just below my window to gaze up at me with his bright blue doggy-eyes. I sighed and didn't bother to hold back a smile.

"Sirius Black," I whispered to myself. "My Rebel Prince."

It was a nickname I gave him long ago, a name that seemed only too fitting in the days when Sirius, heir to the ungodly enormous Black family estate, flitted about as if he owned the world, as if nothing could hold him or control him. In all honesty, I'd always known that nothing could.

In a matter of seconds, I was bolting down the corridor, down the dusty staircase, and finally to the front door of the Inn. It took nearly all the strength inside me to force open the heavy wooden door, but behind it sat Padfoot, the grinning, bright-eyed, damnable canine I loved too damned much.

"Get in here," I muttered, hitching one thumb behind me to indicate that the dog should head on up the stairs. "You ought to know where the room is by now."

There was a bitterness in my tone I hadn't counted on. Of course, I was still slightly annoyed by Sirius' actions of the previous week, but I was just as much to blame for that as he, wasn't I? Perhaps I was too cowardly to admit that I too had betrayed Dumbledore's trust. At times like these, who could afford to break the rules?

By the time I once again reached my rooms, long gone was the black dog I'd seen bounding off ahead of me only moments before. Now, Sirius stood in his place, still grinning, still far too bright-eyed for his own good. But not even that smile or those baby blues could deter me from an angry rampage.

"Well," I huffed, planting both hands on my hips in a manner that seemed a bit theatrical, "I hope you've actually bothered to complete your mission this time. Or tell me, Sirius, were you expecting another quick shag-break?"

Sirius said nothing, just gawked at me with his mouth half opened and shook his head.

"That's all it was last week, wasn't it?" I continued, fearing that if I didn't keep talking I might lose my nerve. "Just a shag? Because Merlin forbid you actually try to contact the person you supposedly love when they've been worried sick about you for the past year!"

"I...I'm sorry, Remus," Sirius stammered, staggering back until his hands found the windowsill and he seated himself there. "Dumbledore...didn't he tell you anything? He told me not to contact anybody but Harry and himself while I was on the run, and he was reluctant even to let me write to Harry."

I scoffed. "Yes, and you were just so concerned with obeying Dumbledore's orders when you came here last week, weren't you?"

Sirius' face was now almost as angry as mine. His eyes were like lidded blue flames as he bolted upright off the windowsill and moved toward me. "Well, you didn't seem all that worried about me 'obeying Dumbledore's orders' while you were getting shagged, either, did you?"

I swallowed hard. Now I really was starting to lose my nerve. "So you admit it?" I growled, my gaze fixed to his as he continued to move closer. "It was just a shag? Just a meaningless fuck for old times' sake?"

"Stop it!" he hissed as he seized me by the arms. I struggled to break free, but his grip was far too tight. "Why are you doing this, Moony?"

I struggled for a moment longer, and then finally went limp, biting my lip hard to keep myself from sobbing.

"Listen to me," he whispered, lifting one hand to cradle my cheek. "I don't know what's gotten into you. Don't you know that I love you? I do, Remus, just as much as I ever did. More, even! I thought I'd made that clear."

I was crying now, stupid, senseless tears. Merlin, this was pathetic. Of course I knew. Why was I being so melodramatic, so maudlin and self-pitying?

I wrapped both arms firmly around Sirius' body. "I'm sorry," I wept. "I think I'm just afraid."

Sirius laughed. "Afraid of what?"

"Of losing you," I replied weakly. "I feel like Dumbledore wants me to keep you under lock and key, to keep you out of trouble, but I can't do that, Sirius. I never could! And I'm afraid that, if I try and fail, I might end up losing you forever."

"Hush," Sirius whispered in my ear, running the fingers of one hand through my hair. "Remus, you're the only one who ever could hold me! As long as you're around, Dumbledore's got nothing to worry about. You aren't going to lose me. I swear it!"

I wanted so badly to believe it. Why couldn't I? Why? Because Sirius was notorious for making promises he couldn't keep, promises to do with things he had no control over.

"Listen to me, Remus," he said, lifting my chin so that I was staring into his eyes. He kissed me swiftly before resuming speech. "I don't want there to be any mistake about this ever again. I didn't contact you after I left because Dumbledore told me not to do it. But after a year of being free again and not being able to see your face, I couldn't keep away any longer. I love you, Remus. I am in love with you. I have been in love with you for nearly twenty years, and I will remain in love with you for many, many more. And I don't ever want you thinking anything to the contrary. Got that?"

I nodded, unable to stop myself from smiling. My anger seemed so silly now. It wasn't like me to overreact this way. Only Sirius could ever have made me behave like an absolute fool, I mused. Only Sirius.

"And while we're on the subject of love," he continued on, his breath suddenly hot against my neck as he stepped in closer to me, "did I mention how I've been dying to make love to you, Mister Moony?"

I giggled. I, Remus Lupin, vicious werewolf, king of composure and practicality, giggled. "Be my guest, Mister Padfoot!"

I was waiting for the mouth hovering just above my throat to close over it, for the hands on my shoulders to tighten their grip, but nothing came.

Tease.

"Not right now," he muttered through what sounded like gritted teeth. Good, at least he was frustrated, too. "We...I'm supposed to help you get your things packed up. Dumbledore's moving everyone into Black Manor next week, and he wants you and I to start setting up camp right away."

"At Black Manor?" I said, startled slightly. So much for 'Lay low at Lupin's.' "Right away? Do we really have to?"

"Yes, you silly git!" he laughed. "It's important business. Weren't you the one going on a minute ago about following Dumbledore's orders promptly?"

Sirius was right. I sighed in defeat. "We're being selfish, aren't we, thinking we can just be happy and in love and have everything be right in the universe?"

"Yeah. We've got a world to save."

I smiled sadly. "As much as I hate to admit it, there are things more important than the two of us right now, aren't there?"

"Unfortunately," he said somberly, pulling me toward him. He rested his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around me. "That doesn't mean I'm not aching to spend every single minute of every single day with you." He pulled back far enough to look me in the eye and grin mischievously. "And that doesn't mean I don't have every intention of making love to you in every room of Black Manor before the rest of the Order arrive."

I couldn't help but chuckle outright as Sirius buried his face against my neck and delivered a veritable assault of kisses. "And how, may I ask, do you plan to keep Kreacher out of the way? He's still looming about, isn't he?"

"Fuck Kreacher...." he muttered, his mouth trailing up toward my face.

"Now there's a disgusting thought!"

Fortunately, the prospect of any revolting visualization involving Sirius and the Black family's house elf was wiped clean by the warmth of Sirius' mouth on mine. But the kiss ended much too quickly, and Sirius moved away from me so fast that I hadn't even time enough to prepare for the break in contact.

"Get packing," he huffed, a playful half-smile fixed on his face.

I nodded, winked, and summoned my luggage with a wave of my wand. Quickly, I administered the appropriate charms to send my belongings soaring across the room and neatly into the appropriate trunks. In the midst of all the packing hullabaloo, I couldn't help but feel the heat of Sirius' gaze on me. It wasn't anything painful or threatening or even uncomfortable, really, but the warmth of it and the feeling it generated within me were unrelenting.

Fortunately, the last of my belongings had found their way into a trunk, because finally my concentration crumbled away. I dropped my wand arm to my side and looked to Sirius, challenging him with an adamant glare of my own.

"I swear, Remus...." he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

I laughed outright. "You swear what?"

His blue eyes shifted tentatively toward the trunk at the foot of my bed, and without a word he moved toward it, lifted it by the handle, Muggle-style, and headed for the door. I followed suit, taking the second trunk in hand and making my move to exit. But before I could cross the barrier between the bedroom and the corridor, Sirius turned back to me and grinned.

"Just so you know," he whispered, almost growling the words, "the minute we get to London and get things settled, you and I are making up for lost time."

Now that was a promise I'd be holding him to.

FIN