Hark the Herald Ron can't Sing

Hark The Herald Ron Can't Sing

Ten rings there are, and nine gold torcs

On the battlechiefs of old;

Eight princely virtues, and seven sins

For which a soul is sold;

Six is the sum of earth and sky,

Of all things meek and bold;

Five is the number of ships that sailed

From Atlantis lost and cold;

Four kings of the Westerlands were saved,

Three kingdoms now behold;

Two came together in love and fear,

In Llyonesse stronghold;

One world there is, one God, and one birth

The Druid stars foretold.

S.R.L.

Oxford, 1987

England's Greatest Bard...Merlin.

England's worst Bard...Ron Weasley.

It was a very nice day for all the students of Hogwarts - except for Hermione. To her dismay, classes were canceled due to the illness of several of the professors. It was highly unusual for so many of them to be ill at the same time, so naturally most students believed that Fred and George Weasley had something to with the situation.

Hermione decided to use the free time wisely, so she blocked out large areas of time in her daily planner for study in the library. However, Ron wanted to knock about outside, especially around the Quidditch field, and he wanted Hermione to be with him. He asked her if she would join him, but before answering him, she consulted her planner. She looked up at him with a smile on her face. Ron thought this was a good sign. Nevertheless, he obviously didn't know his sweetheart well enough, because she said no. However, with excitement in her voice, she did tell him that she would love it if he would join her in the library. Ron smiled at her. Hermione thought this was a good sign but she obviously didn't know him well enough, because he said no.

Hermione was mildly hurt at his reply. After the wind of hurt had blown by a cloud of anger settled over her. "Fine," she told him, in a loud voice. She closed her daily planner with a snap, hoping to catch his nose between the covers. Missing her target, she turned on her heel and walked away. Ron was having none of this, however, and went after her. When he caught up to her, he grabbed her and turned her round. Before she could even react he gave her a snog - with force.

Hermione was in shock that he had swapped spit with her in front of so many people. She began to protest when he placed his finger on her lips, risking a bite and told her that he had changed his mind and decided to spend time with her in the library instead of going out doors. This diffused her anger and she gave him an approving smile. From this reaction, Ron knew instantly that he had made the right choice. She removed his finger from her lips, and then held his hand as they made their way to the exciting world of the library.

When they arrived at the library they discovered that there were very few students there. Hermione thought that this was terrible, but was also delighted that she and Ron had several good places to sit and expand their minds. She chose a place and then they sat down. In the blink of an eye, Hermione grabbed one of her schoolbooks and was already studying.

Ron just sat and looked her. He did enjoy watching her. She was so cute with her nose in a book. As pretty as she was, though, he soon began to get bored. He began twitching in his chair. Hermione looked at him over her book and told him to be quiet. He began to twiddle his thumbs. He stopped this when Hermione gave him "The Look." He then had a delightful idea. He interrupted her study and asked her if he could kiss her flaming lips once more. She told him of course not, but then gave him a wink and told him maybe later. Ron was disappointed with her reply. He started to squiggle about again. Frustration was beginning to mount in Hermione and she put her book down. She took his hand and then reminded him that they were in a library and then asked him what one normally does in a library. Ron told her that he knew what was done in a library, but told her he was afraid that his snoring might annoy the few students that were there.

"Oh, Ron!" said Hermione with wide-open eyes.

Ron then put his finger in the air to indicate he had a great idea. He told her that he would go and get a book. Hermione's look of disbelief told him that this was a brilliant idea. She then brought the book back up to her face and began to read again. When Ron got up, Hermione watched him go. She slowly shook her head and giggled. Although she frequently lost her temper with him, she did love him very much.

When he came back to their table, he brought with him a good-sized book. He set it down and then he pulled out his chair. Hermione took a quick glance at the book to see what subject he was going to expand his mind on, and to her surprise it was not on his favorite subject, Quidditch, but instead on England's great Bards and Druids. The moment he opened the book the words seemed to capture his whole being. As time moved on Hermione noted that Ron had not twitched or twiddled. He was very quiet. Hmmm, she thought, maybe he is sleeping and just putting on a lark that he is interested in the subject of the book. She didn't mind him being quiet, but she did not like to have him put one over her.

She decided that she needed to put him to the test. She silently reached into her book bag and pulled out a container in which she kept an extra quill. She took the quill out and in one fluid motion pricked his hand. Ron yelped in pain. Well, she thought, isn't sleeping. Ron looked at her with total disbelief and then asked her why she stabbed his hand with her pointy quill, but she just shushed him and told him to continue reading. Although he loved her very much, she sometimes frightened him with her impulsive actions.

Time was moving on and a very nervous Ron kept raising his eyes toward her wondering if she might attack him again. Hermione realized that she had not only hurt him, but frightened him too. She put her book down and slowly reached for his hand. He saw what she was doing so he pulled it back with a quick motion. Hermione smiled at him, which made him even more nervous. With tenderness in her voice she apologized to him for her action and then took his hand and gently kissed it. This action brought Ron's nervousness levels down to normal. Now that all was well, he again focused on his book. This book is fantastic, he thought

He read:

"Do you believe because you see a floating stone?" I saw that they did not believe; though many were awed and amazed. Ron's mind raced through the words. I had only to clap my hands or shout...the stones would shake themselves from the ground to swing in whirling dance. The stones began to rise. One by one they pulled themselves from their sockets, like teeth. "Ron, Ron, Ronald Weasley!" Ron was so into this book that he barely heard Hermione calling him. It was like he was in another world and her calling his name brought him out of it, and back in to their world. Ron looked up at Hermione and asked her what she wanted. She told him it was dinnertime. He just looked at her in a kind of trance, like he didn't understand what she was saying. This reaction nearly blew her over, because Ron always heard the word food. She kept saying, "Ron, come back, food, Ron come back, food, food, food." Finally the words came through, and he smiled at her and told her they should go and get something to eat. She applauded him on his insightful idea. She also told him that if he wanted to go outdoors after dinner that she would love to join him for a walk. He surprised her by telling her that he wanted to return to the library and continue his reading on bards and druids. Hermione was in shock.

During dinner in the Great Hall, Ron told Hermione about what he had read in the book. He told her that a well-made harp sings of itself; in the wondering wind it hums. But let the hand of a bard touch those bright strings and it leaps into song. Hermione, always interested in new subjects, listened intensely. Ron continued to tell her that there was a saying among bards that all songs ever to be made lay sleeping in the heart of the harp and only await the Harper's touch to awaken them. After sharing this information with her, Ron belched.

This typical Ron Weasley reaction to food broke Hermione out of her concentration on what he was telling her. He apologized for the "Compliment to the Chef" and told her he wanted to go back to the library and read some more. Although she was delighted that he wanted to read she was somewhat concerned. Her Ron and books didn't often mix. She knew he was starting to read poetry, but she thought that either he was telling her one of the biggest stretchers of his life or he really was interested in bards and druids.

After they returned to the library, they both put their noses in their books and read. As time moved on Ron finally put his book down and gave Hermione a gleeful, exciting look. Hermione, thinking it was something he ate, asked him what was wrong. He told her nothing was wrong, but then told her to brace herself for earth shattering news. Hermione had an "Oh No" look on her face.

"Hermione, this is my calling. I am to be a bard!" Hermione just stared at him with a look of suspicion.

He went on to tell her that when he got his harp he would be a teller of tales, a singer of songs.

"Some of those songs would be Love Songs to you, my shining star."

Hermione tried to look overwhelmed with excitement. However, inside her heart was racing, because she wasn't sure if he could sing.

He went on to say, loudly that he would sing of the sun dancing in her hair...she touched her hair and thought that it was tangled enough. He then stood up, and, taking her hand told her that stories and songs was the language of the heart. Hermione was pink with embarrassment. At that point the librarian told him to keep his stories and songs to himself or she would gong him on the head. Ron stopped his London stage performance and sat down and remained quiet until they left to go back to the common room.

When they arrived at the common room, they both went to their dorms to put away their things. When this was accomplished, they would reunite in the common room and cuddle on either a big stuffy chair or their favorite spot, the couch. When they arrived they made the disappointing discovery that the couch was occupied. Nevertheless, they did find a big stuffy chair. It was big enough for the both of them to snuggle comfortably. Almost immediately after sitting down, Ron launched into the wonderful, exciting world of the bards and druids. As he began to blabber on, Hermione giggled and remembered a saying that her father would often say at their home. He could talk a donkey's hind leg off, she thought. Hmm, maybe he could be a bard.

As he continued his bibble-babble, Hermione just nodded, and said, "Yes, dear". She laid her head on his chest and slowly drifted off to sleep. As time passed Ron realized that his one and only listener was fast asleep. He slowly woke her up. When her eyes opened he told her it was time for them to move on to nether-nether land. She smiled at him. They gave each other a quick snog and then went off to their dorms for a good night's rest. When Ron finally laid his head down on his pillow, before drifting off, he told himself that he would go into Diagon Alley in the morning and get himself a bard's harp.

Morning couldn't come fast enough for Ron. Normally it was like pulling teeth with pliers to get him out of bed. However, he was so excited to go and get his harp and begin playing it that he just could not sleep. He was also excited to begin singing serious love songs to Hermione as well as reciting stories of old to all his listeners. In his excited state of mind he believed that many would come when they heard of his greatness. They would want him to sing and recite until the cows came home. He would be known as the greatest bard next to Merlin himself.

He quickly tossed his covers off and then got dressed. He went out, already hoping that a crowd might be assembled to hear his great words of wisdom. To his disappointment, there was no one about, with the exception of that old fleabag, Crookshanks. He would never tell Hermione what he thought of her pet, but secretly he disliked the cat a great deal. When she first got him he didn't care if he insulted the cat openly, but now that they were romantically involved he knew he had to change the course of his thoughts toward the old mug. If Hermione ever knew how he really felt about her creature he would pay dearly. He was going to say something to the cat, but Crookshanks just looked at him and left.

He decided to skip breakfast and left the common room. He needed to find someone who knew where to find a harp at Diagon Alley. Hagrid came to mind so he ran outdoors to Hagrid's home. Since there was still no school he had free time. When he arrived at Hagrid's home he knocked on the heavy door. The door opened slowly and there stood his massive friend. He greeted Ron with a hug that nearly crushed him and then invited him in. He was making breakfast and asked Ron to join him. Ron was very nervous about saying yes, for he knew that Hagrid's food could make a goat puke; however, he gave in and said okay. Hagrid brought him a plate of what looked like cakes. Ron politely took a small bite and said he was full. The cake thing didn't taste too bad, but he wasn't taking any chances. Hagrid shrugged his huge shoulders and consumed the rest of the cakes with little effort. He then told Ron that Dobby had brought him the cakes as a present for a favor Hagrid had done for him. Ron wanted to scream, because he knew those cakes, or any food made by Dobby, were very, very good.

After getting over his great food blunder, Ron told Hagrid all about his desire to become a bard. He told him that he wanted to go to Diagon Alley and get a harp. Hagrid told him he would be delighted to help him. Hagrid asked him how Hermione felt about his becoming a bard and Ron told him that Hermione was one hundred percent behind him and that she couldn't wait until he sang love songs to her. Ron knew he was telling a fib, but he justified it by telling himself that when Hermione did hear him sing, she would be so overwhelmed with joy that she really would be behind him one hundred percent.

In short time Ron and Hagrid were on their way to Diagon Alley. When they arrived, they walked about looking at the various shops. They came to a large shop that held many different kinds of musical instruments. When they entered, they noticed rooms were the workers tested horns. The owner was going to enter the room so he put on ear protectors and then opened the door and all Ron and Hagrid could hear was horns, horns, and more horns. Some of the workers came out and were shaking. They did not have ear protectors on. They reminded Ron of the first time he had heard the cry of the Mandrakes in Herbology. They quickly walked away from the noise and went to the strings department. Ron kept on thinking about how happy he was that his harp playing and singing would make beautiful sounds and not that awful horn noise. While Ron was dreaming about his being a musical genius, Hagrid looked for harps. He finally saw one and tapped Ron on the shoulder to get his attention. When Ron looked at him Hagrid pointed in the direction of the harp.

When Ron's eyes settled on it, great musical numbers began to play in his head. He went to it in a rush and gently took hold of it and then he cradled it in his arms. He looked at Hagrid with a sappy look on his face. He then took it, repositioned it in his arm and walked like a strutting peacock over to where he would have to pay for it. He was delighted to hear the price of the harp. It was far less then he had planned. He paid the clerk and began to leave, when he saw some violins. Hagrid looked at them as well. He asked Ron if he knew much about them. Now that Ron was an "Expert" in the stringed instruments he had better have an answer. Hagrid picked one up and read a name written on it. It took him some time, but he finally sounded out the words. Stradivarius. "ER...Ron, who is this guy." Ron thought about the question for a minute and then told Hagrid that Stradivarius was a guy whose name was Strada and he made various violins. Hagrid shook his head and was very impressed with Ron's knowledge of the instrument.

They made their way back to Hagrid's and then Ron went back to the castle. He couldn't wait to start singing and playing. When he entered the Gryffindor common room there were few students there. He decided to conceal his harp under his robe and go right to his room. When he got to his room he took out his prize and started to lightly strum it. Oh, it sounded so wonderful. This would be easy, he thought. He would be playing it in no time. However, he decided that even he needed practice, and he wanted to do it in private.

One day, while strumming his harp a thought came to his head. He felt his playing was coming along fine, but he wasn't sure about his singing. Oh, sniveling Snape, if those four Muggles from England, ER...the Bugs, no hang on they were the Beagles. Well, anyway, if they could sing all of their wonderful songs to their world then he could sing to the wizard world the same way. As for teller of tales and poetry, well he could write cheat notes on his hands. He then had a grand thought and decided that he would share his fame with no one; it would only be him and his harp and no one else to share the spotlight. Well, he would share it with Hermione. She could wait in the wings of the crowds to gather all of the galleons that would be thrown at him. After this thought of grandeur passed he placed his harp under his bed. He then went downstairs into the common room to relax and dream of his good fortune.

The next day he arose and went to breakfast. He decided to eat some grapefruit because he heard that the juice was good for the voice. When he took a bite he almost threw up. He decided against the grapefruit. Bloody hell, with his melodious voice he wouldn't need that sort of a thing. He then ran back to his room to get his harp. During the night he'd put in a few moments of intense thinking. He decided he needed to have a place to practice where no one could hear him. He wanted to prepare himself in secret before he launched himself to the wizard world. He decided to practice his art in the forbidden forest, although he wouldn't go too far in the forest because of those horrible spiders. He decided that he would stay close to Hagrid's.

He grabbed his harp and went to the forest, and after some effort located a comfortable place to sit. He then looked and noted that Hagrid's place was nearby. He then began to strum and sing. He made up songs as he strummed along. He thought he was doing very well. At this rate, he thought he might even outdo Merlin and be the number one chap for barding in England. These happy thoughts of future glory made him sing and play all the louder. All of a sudden he stopped and realized that something was accompanying him. It sounded like a dog howling. Uh oh, he thought, it was a dog howling, and that dog was Fang. He then noticed a giant running toward his direction and that was Hagrid. Ron arose from his position and quickly placed his harp out of sight. Hagrid and Fang finally reached him.

"Ron, Ron, what was that horrible noise?" He looked about the forest, but saw nothing. "Did you see where it went?"

Ron gave him a puzzled look. "Where did what go?"

"Oh Ron, don't do this! That poor creature is hurt and we need to help it! Now, where did it go?"

Slowly, the whole mystery of the wounded animal unfolded in Ron's mind; it wasn't a wounded animal at all, it was his strumming and singing. He then had an idea and told Hagrid that he had found the animal caught in a thicket of branches, and he set it free. Hagrid let out a sigh of relief. Not asking Ron what he was doing there in the first place, he commended Ron on being a hero and then left. Meanwhile Fang was sniffing at the hidden harp. He looked at it and then Ron, and then yelped and ran off to follow Hagrid. When he was out of sight, Ron picked up his harp and headed back to the castle. He was feeling a bit low, but he gripped his harp and told himself he would not give up. All he needed was a little more practice. After all, it wasn't just for him; it was for Hermione too.

He sat up for a long while trying to think where he could practice his trade in private. There were not many ideas plucking at his brain. However, he continued to push his brain to its outer limits. All of a sudden a brilliant thought came to him and this was good because pushing his brain to the outer limits was starting to hurt his head. He smiled as he thought of this great place; it was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. He thought of how she could sit on her toilet and listen to him sing and play in harmony hour after hour. To bad she was a ghost or he would make her pay for this concert in the thunder box. He slowly rubbed his head. All of this thinking gave him a headache. There was something else that was giving him a headache. The next day classes would begin. The holiday was over and he was not happy because now schoolwork would interfere with his practicing.

The next day went by very slowly. The classes gave him the reality check that he was indeed at school. Hermione was overjoyed because she loved school. The only thing that gave him even a trace of joy was the thought that someday he would be such a great bard that he wouldn't have to attend classes; in fact students might be coming to his classes to learn this wonderful art. Then he snickered as he thought that even Hermione might attend his classes. Hmmm, would he pile on the homework for her, oh heck no, she would love that. Then another thought came; it was getting crowded in his mind. The thought was whether it would be possible for a girl to be a bard? Oh this was so bloody thick, of course not. A girl being a bard... "Ha!" he yelled out loud. This outburst made the entire class look at him and he became very nervous. Nevertheless, he had better get used to it because when he became a full time bard all the attention would be on him and his wonderful voice.

After dinner in the Great Hall, he told Hermione he needed to be alone for awhile. He would catch up with her later in the common room. She didn't mind because she had assignments to work on and she was very excited about that. Ron ran to his room and got his harp. In a minute, he was off to the girl's bathroom and Moaning Myrtle. When he arrived at the entrance he slowly opened the door because he knew Myrtle to be rather sensitive and he didn't want to startle her. The door creaked as he went in. He stood for a moment trying to locate her, until suddenly, out of nowhere, a big swoosh came past him.

"What are you doing in here?" she bellowed with great force.

Wow Ron thought, she could really belt out some songs with that kind of vocal power and with a trained voice, she could go far. Er...wait, she was confined to the potty. No one, he thought, would come and listen to her strum a harp and sing in here. Hmmm, he thought, she was a ghost so maybe a harp would be good for her. She finally recognized him and asked again what he was doing there. He then told her everything and why he was there. She gave him a long, hard look. She then told him that if he played well and sang well then she would allow him to practice in her asset for as long as he needed. Ron grinned from ear to ear. Myrtle went and sat on her favorite throne and began to listen to his singing and playing.

It only took a few moments of Ron's singing and playing to make her ghostly face twist and distort. It was so awful that she nearly died. Oops, wait, she had that already accomplished. Now at this point, Hermione would have tried to be kind, but Moaning Myrtle was not Hermione. Myrtle began to moan and groan. She then quickly opened the toilet and began scooping water at Ron. While she was performing this action, she was screaming at him to get out. She even told him that if he didn't get out right now she would somehow find out how to get the basilisk back and have it chase him out. Ron ran away as fast as he could.

When he was back out in the hallway he stopped to collect himself and to catch his breath. After a few minutes he tried to come to grips with what had just happened. Instead of being disappointed, he was delighted. In his wildest dreams he couldn't have realized what an impact his singing and playing had on people, well Hagrid and a ghost. Fang didn't count. His singing and playing were not as bad as he had thought; they were wonderful. It had such an effect on people. However, he had one more test before he launched his lips to the wizard world; he had to sing to Hermione.

As he was walking back to the common room he decided that he would sing a love song to her on a chosen night when she was in bed slumbering. He would wait until the common room was empty and then he would come out of his room, stand in the middle of the common room with harp in hand, face her dorm room and sing his heart to her. While she lay in her bed, she would hear the sweet music and come running. He would use her name in his song so that she knew it would be for her and only her. His articulate voice and playing would maker her faint and she would be the envy of the other girls.

As time moved on he found several more places to practice. He was delighted in his progress and was very excited. Soon the night would arrive when he would sing to Hermione. He knew it would have to be a school night because a Friday or Saturday night most students would be up late. He needed to choose a night when all would probably go to bed early. Of course, most of the students would not be awakened anyway because his harp playing and singing would be so soothing that they would probably get a deeper rest. His singing and playing would make them float on air.

Now the problem was what to sing and play. When he practiced, he just sang any words that came to his head and just plucked the strings on his harp that sounded good. He thought that he should create four or five songs, but of course he should have more at the ready just in case the students didn't want to float on air, but came and asked him to play more. Well, he thought, he would just have to bow to their requests. He decided to carry extra parchment with him at all times so he could jot down words and phrases that would be good for songs. In regard to the accompanying music he decided that he would continue to pluck the strings that he thought would help the words come alive.

Finally the night had arrived. Hermione noticed that he was nervous and shaky most of the day, but when she asked him if he was okay, he assured her that he was. They spent some of the early evening together and although he loved being with her, he was hoping for the moment when she would start yawning. When she did start to yawn he knew the time would be near for her to go to bed. He did feel some sadness when she left him and would often try and convince her to stay up a while longer to cuddle with him. Many times she would say yes to his request, but tonight he wanted her to hit the hay early and he was hoping every one else would too.

To his gladness the room slowly emptied and after a bit it was just Hermione, Harry and himself. Harry finally bid them good night and went off to bed. Hermione decided it was time for her too. Ron snogged her and said that was okay. She gave him a puzzled look, because she was waiting for his normal request for her to stay up with him a while longer, however, the request never came so she shrugged her shoulders and said goodnight to him. As she was walking away, he told her in a soft voice that he hoped this would be a night she would remember. She turned round and gave him a look of bewilderment. He gave her a little wave and she just shook her head and went up the stairs to bed.

Hermione went to her room and got ready for bed. She checked her daily planner to make sure everything had been done that was planned for that day. When she was satisfied that all was well she crawled into her comfortable, warm bed and fell asleep. Meanwhile, Ron went to his room and began to wait until all was quiet. He was somewhat nervous, but he figured that all great bards went through this. Slowly the talk amongst his roommates ceased and then snoring commenced. Ron quietly took out his harp and made his way to the common room. He walked closer to the girl's dorm and then positioned himself. He took a deep breath and began to sing the songs he had thought of for this special occasion.

"Oh, Hermione, Oh, Hermione, the sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so is your hair that's so fair, fair oh baby doll,"

He strummed along with his harp.

"Oh, Hermione, Oh, Hermione, your face is ice cream and I want to lick it off. Oh, honey pie, do you want to know a secret, do you promise not to tell, oh closer, let me sing in your ear, I will say the words you want hear you squishy muffin of my heart. Oh how I love your toes, oh yea oh yea."

He plucked and plucked.

"Oh Hermione, Oh Hermione, my sweet tart, you are a sock and I want to put you on. Who knows how long I've loved you? You know I love you still. Will I wait a lonely lifetime If you want me to-I'll be here in the common room."

Meanwhile, Hermione kept thinking she was hearing her name and because it was so awful sounding she must be having a nightmare. Moments later most of the girls in the dorm began stirring and finally, Professor McGonagall flew past everyone, heading for the common room, muttering something about Voldemort attacking. When she arrived at the top of the dorm room stairs she was shocked at what she saw; it was Ron Weasley. When he saw her, he smiled and then launched into another song.

"Oh, Hermione, Oh, Hermione, roses are red, violets are blue, they are beautiful and so are your hands. Hermione, Hermione, Hermione, my sugar loaf let's grab a broom and fly to London for tea and crumpets, if you don't want to fly we can lumpit. Sippy, sippy, sippy, you and me and our tea. We will sail in a boat, jump in a moat, and just have fun all of the day long...Oh! Oh! Oh! HERMIONE!"

Professor McGonagall turned around and went back into the dorm. She went to Hermione and told her to take care of the situation. Hermione, with a confused look on her face, nervously went to the top of the stairs. She looked down and saw the source of all of this noise. It was Ron, her Ron. She nearly fainted. He was starting to sing another lyric when she begged him to stop. By now the boys were out of their beds and standing at the top of their stairs, all pointing their wands at Ron, ready to do anything to shut him up. Hermione kept saying to him, "Ron, Ron it's, it's, er...nice, but you must stop. Please stop!" He finally did and then stood with a wide grin on his face. He looked about him and decided that because of all of this commotion his singing was a success. What an audience, he thought. Most of all, his Hermione was there and that told him it had a great impact on her.

She went down the stairs to him. She gave a weak smile and thanked him for the concert, but he needed to end his um...singing. She pleaded with him to have no encores and he agreed. By then Harry had come to their side. Ron said hi to Harry and then turned toward his mates and waved. They all extended their fingers at him. Ron really smiled at this gesture, because he thought that they were telling him he was number one. However, he was a little curious because it was their middle finger. While he was focused on them and their gesture, Hermione whispered to Harry to not let the boys hurt Ron. Harry nodded. She gave Ron a light snog and then they all went to bed. When Hermione entered the girls' dorm she told Professor McGonagall that all would be quiet. Professor McGonagall gave her a stern stare, then turned round and went back to bed too. Hermione flopped onto her bed. She stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out how she was going to handle this situation.

In the boys' dorm Ron fell in his bed. He was delighted at his success as a bard, and with that in his mind he fell asleep and began to snore.

After a fitful night's sleep, Hermione woke up. Reality said good morning to her. What was she going to do? In a way, she felt like she was part of the problem. If only she had gone for a walk with him instead of insisting he come to the library with her. If he had not come to the library with her he would not have read about bards and druids. Instant anger came to her.

"Thanks a lot, Merlin!"

She thought for a moment. She then grabbed her daily planner, opened it and began to write. Since it was Merlin's fault too, perhaps he could help her find a solution to end this ginormous bardic problem. She quickly dressed, ran to breakfast and then to her ally, the library.

In the boys' dorm there was a snoring fest going on. Some had awoken and went to breakfast, but others, the diehards like Ron, slept in. As time moved on all of them eventually arrived back from their dream world. Some walked past Ron and said nothing; others gave him a slight sneer. Almost all of them had done their level best to forget about the night before and even the ones who had sneered at him had chalked it up to another Weasley Event - and without the regular Weasley Events Hogwarts would be a dull place indeed.

While eating his breakfast, Ron looked around for Hermione, but did not see her. He figured she was still sleeping, floating upstream thinking about the wonderful sounds she had heard in the night. My darling, he thought, she must be just overtaken by the fact she had a true singing bard as her man. When he was almost finished eating, he received a summons from Professor McGonagall to come to her office as soon as possible. More good news about his singing, he thought.

After breakfast, he went to her office. She looked very stiff and stony. Ron said hello to her and sat down. She cleared her throat.

"Mr. Weasley, should you EVER repeat last night's performance without my permission, I will have you HANGED! You may leave."

Ron was stunned and speechless and he got up and walked out. He mumbled to himself that some people just didn't appreciate good music. Thee old bard hater. She's probably jealous that no one sings to her. He then smiled. At least his Hermione appreciated it.

Later that day he found her. He took her hand and led her to the common room. Somewhat nervous, she asked him what was going on. He told her that he wanted to salute her with more singing. Hermione stiffened.

"Oh, Ron, don't kill me with such kindness."

He went to his room to get his harp. She had to think quickly. She couldn't let him sing to her in the common room because anyone within hearing would come and launch him into eternity. Think! Think! Finally a solution presented itself to her. She would insist that he take her out doors to a place far away and sing to her. When he came back with his instrument of pain, she told him her idea and he loved it. They went out of the castle to find a place. Hermione wished it could be another galaxy. Finally, they located a spot. Ron sat her down, took hold of her hand and told her that, "This is for you, my love". Hermione gave him a weak smile and then steeled herself for the oncoming rush of abnormal sounds coming from the guy she loved. She survived the concert.

As the days passed, he sang to her and to her only.

He sang!

He sang!

He sang!

And SANG!

One day, Hermione approached Harry. Poor Hermione he thought. He noticed that she began to shake all over and also noticed that one of her eyes was starting to flutter. She was a wreck. She stood before him, and then she made him an odd request. She asked if she could borrow his Firebolt. He normally didn't lend it out, but he felt so very sorry for her that he said okay. He raised his wand and shouted, "Accio Firebolt!" Moments later, his Firebolt came speeding through the air. He took hold of it and then placed it in her hands. She thanked him and told him that she would take care of it and that she would return it to him as soon as possible.

She took the broom out of the common room and then outside of the castle and then she launched herself. She flew with speed and enjoyed the wind going past her. She didn't really like to fly, but this was something she had to do. She finally came to a perfect place and then landed in a small thicket of trees. She laid his broom down, and with great energy, ran through the thicket. The small trees were swaying back and forth as she ran through them. She came to a halt on top of a small hill. She stood for a moment and then she took a deep breath and yelled and yelled. She stomped and stomped her feet and then she yelled and stomped her feet together.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she yelled.

Soon she fell to the ground exhausted. After that she arose and then she sat for awhile. Oh, she felt so much better. She then got up and walked back through the trees to where she had left the broom. She picked it up and flew back to the castle. She went to the common room and was happy to see that Harry was still there. As she approached him, Harry noticed that she looked very happy. She was not shaking and her eye was not fluttering. She gave him his broom and then thanked him again. She gave him a light kiss on his nose and turned round and left with a bounce in her step.

As the days went by, Ron would not let up on his singing and Hermione began to shake and her eye was twitching again. He sang and sang to her. His lyrics were awful and his plucking was worse. She needed to put an end to this madness or they would have to put her away where she could sit and tear paper all day and mumble to herself. She went back to her safe place, the library. It was so very wonderful there and so nice and quiet. She tried to come up with ideas and read books that she thought would help her find a solution. Nothing seem to present itself and then an idea came to her. It could be hurtful to Ron, but she was desperate. She needed help organizing it, so naturally Harry came to mind. She left the library and found him. Her plan was that she would convince Ron to give a concert for the Gryffindor students. She hoped that they would boo him so strongly that he would have to know that he wasn't a very good bard.

The next day, she found Ron sitting alone, strumming his harp. She approached him. She sat down next to him and with little effort convinced him to give a concert in the Gryffindor common room. It was decided that the next night he would bellow out his songs and whatever else he might do. The day's hours passed and then the night of the concert arrived. Ron was overwhelmed with joy. He said to himself, opportunity knocks, and he would seize the moment and take his desire to be a bard to new heights. Harry and Hermione spoke to the students and told them what was going to happen. Most of them had no problem attending the event and some thought it would be a good laugh. As the time for the concert came close the students sat in the various chairs and the big couch.

Ron finally came down the stairs. He had a nonsensical robe on. He carried his harp in the crook of his arm and had a pompous look on his face. Hermione sat with her fellow Gryffindor mates. When she saw Ron and his haughty look she almost became delighted that he was going to have the wind taken out of his sails. Ron stood on the top of the stairs. He bowed to his audience and then thanked them for coming this evening to hear him play and sing his selection of songs.

He cleared his throat and began to sing. Hermione cringed with each pluck of the strings; his singing was just bloody terrible. He did sing a song to her. It was a song about how she was a beautiful mug of grog and he wanted to drink her down. As he continued to sing, she started to feel slight tremors in her body and she noticed that her eye was twitching again. He was so very bad at his playing and singing that if Voldemort were around anywhere within hearing of this reign of terror that he would run and hide. However, what puzzled Hermione was that no one was hissing or booing. To her disbelief most seemed to be enjoying his presentation and some even cheered and clapped. The night progressed and finally it was over. Hermione was emotionally destroyed. The whole plan had backfired. She placed her forehead on her hands. She would just have to get used to it. With the reception he got tonight, there would be no shutting him up. Perhaps she just didn't have an ear for music and maybe he was really good. Ron came up to her and gave her a hug and kisses, and then told her he was going to bed. He was drained physically. She nodded and let him go.

She lowered her head again. When she lifted again she noticed that Harry was slowly making his way to her. He sat down with her and then told her he was sorry. Hermione thought it was nice of him to share in her blues. He then became nervous and ringed his hands. She asked him what was wrong. He put his head down and then raised it slowly.

"Harry, what is it?"

"Er...I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"Er...I did something behind your back and I want to confess it to you now."

Hermione gave him a very worried and intense look. She was instantly concerned.

"Harry, please tell me."

"Well, you see, I didn't want Ron to get hurt so I, I, I..."

"Harry, what did you do?"

"Okay, I gave everyone a Galleon so they would be nice to Ron and not boo him or do worse"

Hermione was stunned.

"You what? How could you do this? You know what his playing and singing are doing to me."

"I know, I just didn't want to see him hurt."

Hermione growled at him and then she got up and went to her dorm room. She was furious.

It took some time for Hermione to forgive Harry. She did remind herself that Harry did what he did to protect Ron, and after all she did love Ron, but still wanted to choke him. When at last she and Harry talked he promised her he would help her to put an end to this nonsense. If only they could get the harp from him, or better yet, convince him to give it up. After some brainstorming Hermione came up with a plan. She went to the library to read more on Merlin. When she had figured out the details of her plan, she went and told Harry. She also told him what he was expected to do. He wasn't crazy over his part of the plan, but when Hermione gave him the "Look" he quickly agreed.

One evening while Ron was killing her softly or better yet loudly with a very lengthy song, Hermione gave him a hand signal that she was tired. He was so loud that she couldn't talk over his singing and playing. When he stopped his performance, she thanked him again for his melody of strain and then she told him it was time for them to go to their dorm rooms. However, before they parted, Hermione presented Ron with a request. She asked him if she could take his harp with her for the night. Ron was very reluctant to give it up, even to her. She then gave him a look that she was sure would melt his heart. She also gave him one of the biggest cock-and-bull stories she could think of. She told him that she wanted to keep the harp with her for the night, because its closeness would remind her of all the beautiful playing and singing he had done for her. Ron couldn't say no to that and surrendered the harp to her. She promised to take care of it and went to bed.

When she entered her dorm room she placed the harp on her bed. It was tempting to destroy it right then and there, but she held back her desire. She took out a wood cutting instrument she had borrowed from Hagrid and began to carve a name onto to the harp. She chose a place where the name would be difficult to see. After some time she was finished. She thought to herself that it really looked good. She took out some powdered coal to rub into the name to make it look old. The name she wrote was "Hawk." While reading books on Merlin in the library, she had discovered that this was another name for Merlin.

Now that this part of her plan was finished, she had the more difficult task of convincing Ron that this harp had once belonged to Merlin, and that because it had such historical significance it belonged in a wizard museum. She got ready for bed; however, she didn't take the harp to bed with her, but put it in place where she couldn't see it. How could she possibly hold the thing close when it had caused her so much suffering? Nevertheless, she again reminded herself that although she hated the thing, she loved the player. She got into bed and fell asleep.

The next morning she gave the harp back to Ron. He hugged it as tightly as he hugged her. After some study of the situation she decided that she needed to endure one more bard session with Ron before she pretended to notice the fake name on the harp. She would stop him in mid form and draw his attention to the name. She had put it in such an out of sight place that only she would be able to point to it. While this was all happening, Harry was carrying out his part of the plan.

He went to ask Hagrid where Ron had bought his harp. After Hagrid told him, Harry went to the place in Diagon Alley. When he entered he asked for the owner of the shop. When the owner came to him, Harry explained the situation to him. The owner listened to Harry's tale with interest and because of his love of good music told Harry that he was willing to help. To enhance the owner's desire to help, Harry then presented the owner with a large sum of galleons and also a picture of Ron. He and the owner came to an agreement that the owner would never sell the person in the picture a harp again. The owner was delighted to take the large sum of galleons and he also took Ron's picture. Harry thanked him and left.

Days and nights moved on with no playing and singing from Ron. She knew Ron was also trying to be a teller of tales, which was another aspect of being a bard. He would strum his harp and try and tell tales, with most of his tales coming from the world of Quidditch. Some of the boys were okay with this, but the truth was that they would rather play it then hear about it. He tried poetry, which was as about as good as his song lyrics. He decided he needed to put more emphasis on his strengths then weaknesses. His playing and singing became his focus again.

One afternoon, during dinner in the Great Hall, Hermione and Harry were sitting together. They both noticed that Ron was not there. They were both happy and curious. Although they wanted him to be there, they didn't want his harp to be there.

Moments later Hermione turned pink and then a deeper shade of red. She heard her name being screeched across the Great Hall. She then plucked up the courage to look, and there he was Ron in all of his bard glory at the doorway of the hall. He walked slowly toward her, singing and playing. The whole hall was in stunned silence. They then looked at Hermione, who wished she had Harry's invisibility cloak right then and there. After getting over the shock some people began to laugh so hysterically that they were spitting up their food. Professor McGonagall stood up and looked as if she was going to get the rope she had prepared to carry out her threat about hanging Ron.

Hermione decided that this was the moment to take action. She got up and ran to Ron. She stopped his playing and singing, with most applauding her action. At the point he stopped playing his harp, Hermione pretended to stare at his harp and put on a face of astonishment. Ron noticed her focus on his harp and asked her what she was looking at. She then asked him if he had ever noticed the name carved on his harp. Of course Ron hadn't, and wondered what she was talking about. She gently took the harp from his hands and then showed him the name she was looking at. Ron took the harp back and then looked at the name. It looked very, very old to him. He then read the name. Hawk. He looked at Hermione, who opened her eyes in fake wonder.

"Holy Cricket, Ron, Hawk is another name for Merlin."

"What?"

"Yes, Ron, I read it in a book, it is another name for Merlin."

She had hoped that he would come to the conclusion that she wanted him to have, that this harp once belonged to Merlin himself. With some subliminal coaching from her he came to that conclusion. She ushered him out of the Great Hall and most clapped as they walked out of the hall, especially Professor McGonagall. He and Hermione went to the Gryffindor common room and after a long, intense conversation Hermione convinced a reluctant Ron to give up his beloved harp and give it to a Wizard Museum.

Epilogue

Professor McGonagall took the harp from Ron and told him she would put in a request to have it placed in a Wizard Museum. She told him it could be a lengthy process before this would happen. She also told him she would take care of it until that day arrived. Ron thought about asking her if he could keep it until then, but then he saw in his mind himself hanging from a rope and that ended that thought right away. Day's later Ron led Hermione and Harry to the shop at Diagon Alley where he bought the harp, in the hope that he might be able to buy another. When they entered the shop, the owner recognized Harry and then Ron from the picture he had on hand. When Ron inquired about another harp, the owner told him there were no more available. Hermione and Harry gave the owner a big smile. A crestfallen Ron turned round and began to walk out; it was then that his eyes fell upon one of the various violins made by strata. Hmmm, he thought, aloud, maybe I could play one of these. Both Hermione and Harry turned him about and pushed him out of the door.

This fic is dedicated to Emma Watson and to John. Paul. George. Ringo. The Beatles/Beagles. The greatest band in the universe.