Last Link

LAST LINK

Remus Lupin sat at the kitchen table of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Across from him was Harry Potter, a year older and much graver than he had been at fifteen. Remus's hair was liberally streaked with grey; frown lines had tattooed themselves across his face, like an inky spider web. He now wore glasses, his eyesight beyond repair. Both stared at the stained wood, refusing to speak about why they were sitting together.

"So," Remus said clumsily, hesitating. He fell back into contemplative silence.

"Did you ever..." Harry began, trailing off for a moment and tracing a circle with his finger. The worn wood felt like ribbon. "You and Sirius...you guys were a couple, right?"

"Yes," Remus said calmly. He glanced at Harry uncomfortably. Staring down at his lap again, he stated vigorously, "I loved Sirius more than anything."

Harry bristled. "I loved him, too, you know. I couldn't just let him go over the edge. You were there. Why didn't you stop him?"

"He was already gone," Remus replied stolidly, risking again to look at Harry.

"Why didn't you go with him? I wanted to," Harry murmured.

"I wanted to as well. But it wouldn't have helped."

Harry glanced up and looked Remus in the face for the first time since Sirius had left them. It seemed as if twenty years had passed, instead of a few months. There was something raw in Remus's appearance, like he was deprived of a primordial need. Harry ached to soothe Remus. Something burned inside of Harry, something he hadn't recognized for a long time. He didn't like it, but he didn't deny it existed.

"I want to show you something," Harry said. "Follow me."

Slowly, deliberately, the old man and the young man rose from the table and left the room. They climbed the stairs together. Harry paused as Remus stumbled on one of the stairs. They entered the room where Harry was staying. Harry rifled through his trunk until he found the smashed mirror he had wrapped in a cloth. He handed it to Remus.

"I could have just asked for Sirius though this," Harry breathed. His eyes reddened and his voice thickened. "I had to be noble and go through all that trouble...and Sirius died for it."

Remus stared at Harry. It was a gaze mixed of blame, pity, and deep sorrow. "I'm not going to pretend that you weren't partly responsible," said Remus, "but so I was. So was everyone else involved here at the Order. We knew how he felt, but we chose to ignore it."

"It isn't fair," Harry cried. "No, but that doesn't mean we can fix it, either," Remus answered sparely.

Harry sobbed into the old man's shoulder. Remus was all he had left; he was the last link to his parents' memory, the last link to Sirius. Harry couldn't lose Remus.

The old man shuddered. Harry was what was left of his life. Peter had betrayed him; Sirius and James had died. He clutched the boy to him. Harry tilted his face upwards and kissed Remus on the cheek. Lupin had expected it and the return kiss was compassionate. Harry's moist lips contrasted with Remus's chapped ones.

They became desperate for one another. Harry pushed Remus on the bed. Remus removed his wand from his pocket, using it to close and lock the door. Harry slowly undressed Remus. He spent a long time unravelling Remus's necktie. Harry's inexpert hands were guided by Remus's. Remus removed his glasses; with them gone, Harry looked like a young Sirius, flushed and eager.

Had it always been like this? Remus wondered. Sirius was gone; there was no place else to go. Remus felt that he should die. There was nothing left for him here on earth–nothing expect this young boy twining around his body. He gently disrobed Harry. The boy was pale as moonlight.

"Moony," Harry whispered.

"Don't call me that," Lupin said harshly.

They made something that they both called love for the next two nights before Remus left again on another mission for the Order. When Remus opened the door to leave Grimmauld Place, Harry clung to him briefly.

"Don't die," Harry said. "I couldn't stand it."

Without reply, Remus shut the door with a solid click.