Accidentally In Love

Part VI- Eye of the Storm

There was nothing- absolutely nothing- better than this, Sirius decided. Not Quidditch, not shepherd's pie, not running through autumn leaves or full moon adventures or- oh who cared? Nothing was better than Remus's warm weight against his legs, his mouth moving slowly on him as awareness dawned with the cold winter morning. Sirius gave up thinking and surrendered to the slow lazy pleasure of the attentions, tangling his fingers in Remus's hair.

"Merry Christmas!" a familiar voice called from the living room.

They both froze, Remus's eyes comically wide as he looked up at Sirius in shock, his lips still halfway down Sirius's length "Shit!" Sirius whispered, and then they were both flying out of bed, dashing around the bedroom, pulling on t-shirts and shorts and pulling the covers up on the bed in haste.

"Padfoot, you lazy prat, are you still in bed?" James demanded. The bedroom door was flung open and James and Lily stood on the threshold.

"My goodness," Lily said, looking around the room and wrinkling her nose, "you're an absolute slob, Black."

"Yes. Yes I am," Sirius said proudly, leaning against the chest of drawers that he'd salvaged from a second-hand shop.

"Moony," James said, brow furrowed. "I didn't know you were here. Aren't you supposed to be at your parents' today?"

"I'm headed over there soon," Remus said, running a hand through his hair and trying to neaten it. He glanced at Sirius, and the look in his eyes was one Sirius knew well. We need to talk our way out of deep shit.

"We were drinking last night," Sirius offered, not technically lying. His heartbeat was slowing back down to normal and he thought he might be able to breathe properly now. "It was easier for Moony to stay here than try to Apparate back."

"You two are turning into drunks," James decided, and the crisis was averted. "We brought you Christmas breakfast before we go over to my parents' place. There should be enough for you, too, Remus."

"Thanks." Remus was gathering up rumpled clothing. "Sirius, do you mind if I use your shower before I go?" And just like that, Remus had slipped out of the room, clothes clutched in front of him, leaving Sirius to deal with James, Lily, and the dull ache of sexual frustration.

"I can't believe this place," Lily was saying. "I mean, I'm not the neatest person, but this is bloody unbelievable. Did you know you have two pairs of pants out in the living room?"

Oops. Sirius scowled at her, hoping that James wasn't well-versed enough in what Remus's pants looked like as opposed to Sirius's. "Prongs, can you shut your future wife up for a moment? I'm a man dealing with a hangover and kicked out of his own shower, so I would appreciate a little silence for a moment."

"A little whiny today, Sirius?" James taunted, but grabbed Lily by the arm and pulled her out. "We'll get breakfast on the table."

Sirius dressed hurriedly and organized his hair into something resembling neatness, and finally let out a sigh of relief. That had been close. Too close. And as much as a part of him longed to tell James about himself and Remus, he wasn't remotely delusional enough to think that the best way for James to find out would be to catch him in the middle of receiving a blow job. (And damn Prongs for interrupting that!)

"That smells good," he said as he wandered out to the kitchen, where James and Lily were unpacking a hot breakfast. "Really good."

"Thanks," James said, properly pleased. "I think I've finally got the hang of bacon."

Sirius picked up a piece and bit into it. "Almost as good as a house-elf's," he said, plopping himself down in a chair. "So Evans. Did he do this himself or did you have mercy on him?"

"He did it himself!" Lily insisted. "We left as soon as I came over."

"I still don't understand why you don't live there," Sirius muttered. "You're getting married and everything."

"It's a matter of principle," Lily said primly.

"And parents," James added.

The plumbing shuddered as Remus shut the shower off, and Sirius willed him to hurry because his stomach was now growling. Lily also brightened.

"I'll be back. I want to talk to Remus alone for a minute."

Sirius looked at James, eyebrows raised inquisitively as she hustled off. "What's that all about?"

"She's got something for him, I think. She says it's a joke gift. I told her we wouldn't see him today, but she brought it along anyway." James thumped down into the seat across from Sirius, and up close Sirius could see dark circles under his eyes.

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned. "You look like you haven't been sleeping much."

"Yeah. It's just... well, Benjy Fenwick sent out a distress signal last night."

"I didn't get it."

"No. I think you were out of range. He was down near the Evans's. Lily and I both responded."

"How'd it go?"

"By the time we got there it was almost over. He's in St. Mungo's for the holiday. I'm not sure what curse they used on him, but it was nasty." James's fingers tapped a complicated, nervous rhythm on the table. "And so's Alice."

A cold chill settled uncomfortably in the pit of Sirius's stomach. "Is she all right?"

"Yeah, she was in better shape than Benjy. Man, you should have seen her though. There were about ten of them, and I think she must have taken out about six of them herself. Two of them with her bare hands - you could see the bruises."

Sirius grinned. "Don't cross Alice," he said. "Where were they?"

"Down in Southampton. They were visiting some friends of their parents." James picked up a salt shaker, fiddling with it. "The friends were Muggles."

Sirius rubbed his temples. "Something tells me I don't want to hear this on Christmas morning."

"You don't," James said. "But I'm going to tell you anyway."

***

Lily had given Remus enough time to dress before she opened the door hesitantly.

"Remus?"

"I'm hurrying," Remus insisted, his voice muffled by the towel he was using to dry his hair. "Tell Sirius the shower's free."

"Sirius is talking to James."

"Oh." Remus pushed the towel back, leaving his hair sticking straight up. "What do you think? All I need is goggles and I could be Prongs."

Lily giggled. "The resemblance is striking," she agreed, even though they both knew it was anything but. Remus began combing his hair down, watching Lily who seemed a bit uncomfortable now that the giggles had faded.

"What is it?"

"I have something for you," she said, pulling a small box from her pocket. "A Christmas present."

"Oh." Remus put the comb down and rooted through his bag. "I have something for you, too." He came up with a box wrapped in red paper. "I wasn't sure if I'd see you today or not, so I brought it just in case."

Lily took the box and at his gesture opened it, then pulled out a pair of barrettes. They were silver, with flowers etched into them. "It's not much," Remus admitted. "But I kind of thought, well, with everything in November and you knowing about me and all... it kind of makes you..." he trailed off, completely unable to say what he wanted to say.

Lily smiled. "Thank you. Here." She handed him her own box and he took it, surprisingly nervous.

Inside was a small ring, just big enough to fit around his pinky. It was gold, and imbedded with a black stone he didn't recognize. It was nothing like he'd ever worn, but he put it on anyway.

"I wanted to say thank you, too," Lily said quietly. "For everything in November." She reached out and linked his pinky with hers.

"I didn't do anything," Remus said, the words forming a hard lump in his throat and choking him. "Lily...."

Lily shook her head, and Remus could see tears hanging in her green eyes. And he had absolutely no idea of what to say.

Lily stepped closer and put her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. Automatically his arms went up around her, his hand soothing her gently as his mind frantically cast around for some intelligent remark. Something deep, meaningful, and healing.

But there was no remark, and the feeling of that pulled his feet out from under him and dragged him away, swirling in a current he couldn't fight. He was aware that Lily was crying softly, looking to him for comfort and help and a million other things he hadn't the first idea of how to provide. And he'd had no idea they would be expected, not on Christmas morning when he was due to arrive at his parents' in an hour. It was as out of the blue and unexpected as the original attack, and a tiny unworthy but still present voice in his head cried that it was just as unfair.

"Come on, Lily," he murmured softly, patting her hair. "It's going to be all right. It's Christmas. Put your smile back on."

Lily's soft sobs ebbed to snuffles, and as she pulled away she wiped her cheeks on her hands and smiled. There was something about that smile... Remus couldn't put his finger on it, but he instinctively knew he'd said the wrong thing. But nothing else came to him and the opportunity was slipping through his grasp as Lily's smile became more genuine.

"Right," she said. "It is Christmas. And thank you so much for the barrettes. They're lovely. Shall we go make sure that James and Sirius haven't burnt the place down?"

He kissed her on the cheek and squeezed her shoulder, but he tucked the ring she had given him into his pocket.

***

Sirius's fingers were threaded through his own hair as he cradled his head in his hands. "That's horrible," he said, his voice hoarse. And yet, what was most horrible was that the reports of slaughtered Muggles and injured wizards were exactly what he was coming to expect.

"Are you all right?" James asked worriedly.

Sirius pulled himself together. "Yeah. Yeah, I am. It's just...."

"I know."

"But on the other hand, it happens so often these days, if you let it bother you every time you'd just fall apart, y'know?"

"I definitely know."

Sirius shook his head, and then brightened considerably as Remus and Lily emerged from the bedroom.

"Shower's all yours, Pads," Remus said casually, already poking his nose into a covered dish. "I'm not sure how much longer I should stay. My parents are expecting me."

A sudden coldness swept over Sirius as he realized that Remus was going home. Well, not home, as Remus now defined home as that poky little flat that he was so proud of, but to his parents' house. But the result was the same- he wouldn't be with Remus for Christmas Day. And for just a moment he hated James and his smug, perfect, perky, and ever-nauseating relationship with Evans.

"I'll be back," he muttered at the other three and stomped off to the shower.

Showers were wonderful things. As the warm water ran over his skin, he felt his anger washing away with it. Stupid to be so sentimental. He and Remus had never really spent a Christmas together before, and after Remus's disastrous Christmas last year... he wasn't sure how to finish that thought, but he decided it didn't matter. And with what James had told him about the Muggle friends of the Fenwicks'... he shivered and decided that Christmas at the Potters was not what complaints were made of these days.

Really, everything was a matter of perspective.

***

For all the worry Sirius felt that morning, Christmas Day was as wonderful as the two before it, with the warmth and happiness that enveloped the Potter household. Stockings, carols, presents, and a Christmas dinner with goose and sugared cranberries sent the shadows of the morning fleeing, and he was left with the peace of the season.

The glitter and tinsel of the Christmas holiday eventually faded, but one moment remained with Sirius for months afterwards. It wasn't James nearly catching them, or the terrible news about the Fenwick's friends. It wasn't the Potters' tree or Mrs. Potter's laughing hug or Mr. Potter ruffling his hair. It wasn't James and Lily's gift of pots and pans for his flat or Peter and Tina's of pint glasses (which he had to admit was a much more fun idea than pots and pans. Honestly. Who gave pots and pans?).

It was when he'd settled in for the night, alone in a warm, snug flat that felt lonely as the Potters and the Pettigrews and the Lupins all curled up together, and Remus appeared suddenly, spinning in the fireplace as it glowed green.

He didn't say anything emotional. No "I thought you might be lonely" or "I wanted to spend Christmas with you." He just smiled and looked at the piece of Christmas cake in Sirius's hand and said "That looks really good. Any chance you've got another piece?" And while Sirius didn't, he did have a second fork and a spot beside him under the blanket and before the fire.

It was enough. For both of them.

***

March was positively miserable. Remus had always thought so, but March in London put spring in Scotland to shame for sheer amounts of wind, rain, and gray skies. Despite the fact it was ten in the morning, the lab was dim and gloomy because of the lack of sunlight from the outside. Remus was perched on a high stool, carefully dissecting the foot of the quintaped when an owl flew in.

"Post's here," he called out.

Caradoc emerged from his office, taking the post and tipping the owl. "Junk," he sighed. "Just a lot of junk. Requests for money, a catalogue from Potent Potions company - like they're reputable - oh, no. Not another paper by that nutter Briggs to review." He sighed heavily. "And an official note from the Ministry. Why don't I ever get any mail saying I've won a thousand Galleons in the Daily Prophet drawing or that I'm being awarded the Order of Merlin for my breakthrough research?" he groused.

Remus grinned and half-tuned out Caradoc's monologue, turning his attention to the delicate work at hand. His ears only perked up when the prattle was cut off with silence.

"What is it?" he asked, pushing the tray away and turning to face Caradoc.

Caradoc was staring at the letter that had come from the Ministry; Remus could see the official seal on the edges that hung low.

"Caradoc?"

Caradoc shook his head and crumpled the paper. "Nothing. Nothing to worry about at all, lad. Just a little... nothing." He tossed the paper into the fire where it shriveled and flared. "How's that dissection coming?" He peered over Remus's shoulder, prodding the foot on the dissecting tray and then examining the sketch at Remus's elbow. "Good. Good. Now, listen. I want you to finish this this morning, and then this afternoon I want you to begin writing up what we've discovered."

Remus drew back, blinking in surprise. "This afternoon? Don't we still have more to do?"

"Yes, yes. But I think we have enough observations on the skeletal and muscular structure to publish a paper, and I think... yes, I think we should do that as soon as possible. Use the articles in Beasts Bimonthly as a guide, and take a look at their guidelines of submission that authors must follow. And don't worry too much, because I'll go over it all with you and make sure everything is accurate and formatted correctly. I think we should try to have this done by the end of the week."

"All right," Remus agreed, noting with annoyance that it would probably mean some extremely long days. "I'll get right on it."

"Good. Good," Caradoc repeated, clapping his hands together. "And now I'll... I have some business to attend to in my office. Let me know if you have any questions."

"All right."

Caradoc walked back to his office, and Remus's gaze deliberately avoided the fireplace, where the letter from the Ministry was now nothing more than a pile of ash.

***

"I can't believe you're dragging me here," Remus said, standing in front of the building that had just appeared between a dry cleaners and a shoe shop. "Wandwaver's. Really, Sirius, it's not very subtle."

"I know. But the Lobalugs are playing here tonight. Besides I needed to get out of the flat for a while."

Remus nodded, pulling his coat tighter around him to fend off the rain. "I still can't believe they're playing in a place like this."

"Who am I to complain?" Sirius asked. "You ready?"

"Yeah. I'm ready."

Together they walked into the club.

Remus's first impression was that they were in the wrong place. The club looked exactly like the one they'd been to the night the Death Eaters attacked, and the one near Diagon Alley that Peter and Tina had dragged them all to, and the one that the Wimborne Wasps frequented after a home victory. All the elements were there: a bar, small tables crowded together, smoke, and a band on the stage. There were couples dancing and people talking and laughing and just relaxing on a cold rainy March night. It wasn't a gay bar, it was just a bar populated mainly by men, Remus decided. The tension ebbed from his shoulders a little bit. Sirius seemed relaxed and at ease, although there was an edge to his laughter and his shoulders were thrown back defiantly, daring anyone to recognize him as the eldest son of the Black family and a current Ministry employee. Remus would have been perfectly happy to slink to a corner table and be an anonymous face, but Sirius managed to commander one right beside the dance floor.

"Better view of the stage," he shouted to Remus over the noise.

Perhaps, but it put them right in everyone's view as well. Wandwaver's did not attract as large a crowd as other places, and Remus hadn't really expected it to. But he kept his eyes fixed on the table and the beer bottle in his hands or on Sirius himself.

"This group is awful," Sirius opined suddenly as he gestured to the opening act that was performing. "The Weird Sisters. What kind of a name is that?"

"Better than the Lobalugs," Remus shot back, affecting a shudder.

"You only say that because you don't like Poky."

"Too right! That little bugger bit me again today!"

"Again? That's what? The twenty-first time?"

"Twenty-second. I swear, if Caradoc doesn't get rid of that thing soon, he's going to come in and find bagels with lobalug and cream cheese."

Sirius snorted. "A new delicacy, to be sure. Although I think I'd stick with lobalug and chips."

"Or maybe a nice cream sauce, although that's too good a fate for Poky," Remus laughed. "Needless to say, I had a trip to St. Mungo's. Lily says hello."

Sirius groaned. "She didn't say anything about the color of my robe for the wedding, did she?"

"No. Why would she?"

"Daft bloody woman is crazy," Sirius said, taking a deep sip from his beer bottle. "She changes her mind every four hours. If she keeps it up I'm just going to go starkers."

Remus considered this. "While I would appreciate that greatly, maybe you shouldn't traumatize the bridesmaids," he conceded glumly.

"Or McGonagall," Sirius agreed with a wicked grin. "Oh good. These bints are finishing."

Remus nodded and relaxed, leaning back in his chair. The truth was that no one particularly seemed to care about the two young men sitting together in the front, except a few glances that were undisguised in their sexual intent. No one was whispering behind their hands or pointing, and probably no one was speculating. It was all Remus's imagination. By the time the Lobalugs took the stage, he felt right at home.

The Lobalugs were a band Sirius had been fond of since his fourth year at Hogwarts, and James, Peter, and Remus were at least fluent in their music by default. They played forceful, exciting music that reminded Remus of Queen. He'd quite liked them before, but listening to them on the Wizarding Wireless Network was nothing like seeing them play live.

Or trying to see them live. As the band started playing, the crowd moved to the dance floor, blocking Sirius and Remus's view.

"Come on, Moony," Sirius insisted, standing up and holding out his hand. "Let's get closer."

Remus eyed the dance floor dubiously. "Sirius, I can't dance."

Sirius snorted. "Neither can I. But it can't be that hard. Come on. Grab your beer and let's go!"

With an unsure smile and a shrug, Remus put his hand in Sirius's and obeyed.

It was hot and sweaty on the dance floor, and Remus found it disorienting. The smoke in the air was starting to hang thick, and the smell of cigarettes, liquor, and human bodies was suffocating. Remus moved closer to Sirius, who was moving in time with the music. He looked around him nervously, but like before he noticed no one on the floor was watching him. Their attention was fixed on the band. He also now noticed that many of the other men weren't exactly the greatest dancers either, with stiff jerky motions and uncoordinated, silly-looking moves. Next to him Sirius smiled down at him, and this time Remus returned the smile fully.

Sirius had a natural knack for dancing, Remus decided as he watched his hips move as the band played. He wished he was as graceful, but when the music slowed and Sirius pulled him into his body, holding him flush against him, envy faded and everything felt right.

They didn't speak as they danced close to each other, but Remus could feel Sirius's heart beating against his, slow and strong. Wandwaver's suddenly seemed different than any place Remus had ever been to; the people around them had no expectations, and the pair of them dancing so closely didn't raise any eyebrows. He rested his head against Sirius's shoulder and closed his eyes.

***

The show was to last for over two hours, and with the amount of beer both of them were drinking trips to the bog were inevitable. Sirius watched Remus move away, blending into the crowd as an anonymous form before he turned back to the band on stage. The music was loud and pulsing and had a magic all its own.

Sirius was suddenly aware of a pair of blue eyes looking directly into his. The eyes belonged to a slender blond man with an amazing smile and a toned body that was clearly shown off by Muggle clothing, despite the wand in his back pocket. It took Sirius a moment to realize that the warmth he felt was attraction.

Something in Sirius's body language must have betrayed his thoughts, because before he knew it the blond was beside him, brushing against him as they danced. Conversation was unnecessary (and impossible given their proximity to the stage). He could see Remus over the blond's shoulder as they danced, looking admittedly plain and ordinary as he chatted rather animatedly with a bloke standing at the bar. Remus lifted his chin and smiled at him, laughing with his eyes. Sirius wasn't quite sure why.

He wasn't sure through four songs where he danced with the blond and laughed and flirted, and Remus did the same over by the bar. But when the music slowed again, his eyes were inexorably drawn from the gorgeous man in front of him to the plain one standing twenty feet away. Remus crooked one finger at him, and that was enough for Sirius to excuse himself to his disappointed partner. As he crossed the floor, he knew exactly why Remus was amused.

"You knew I'd come running, didn't you?" he said as he and Remus tangled together. "Honestly, Moony. You could have put a little effort into it."

"Didn't need to," Remus shot back, his eyes sparkling in the dim light. "Not after the fuss you put up over Frank Longbottom a few months back. Besides, at least I didn't slap my legs and whistle for Padfoot."

Sirius ducked his head into Remus's shoulder to hide the laughter. "It would have worked."

"I know it," Remus said, smug and assured now. It was the voice Sirius was only used to hearing Remus use after sex. He liked hearing it here and now, in his ear on a dance floor. He liked having that blond bloke watch them, confusion and jealousy and eventually resignation on his face. He liked being able to hold Remus like this, not caring about who was watching. He liked the way Remus fit neatly into his arms, his head nestled against his shoulder so Sirius could rest his cheek against his hair. He liked Remus's arms around him, holding him close so casually, as if them dancing together was an everyday experience. More than anything, he liked the feeling that the two of them were the only ones in the world that mattered.

Then it all shattered with the appearance of a holographic silver phoenix.

***

They had Apparated instantaneously, and yet it seemed like it was almost over when they got there. There could only have been minutes- seconds, really, Remus thought- of wands flashing and hexes flying, shouts and groans and blood. He couldn't remember it at all and he didn't want to, because those harsh voices and the scream of a woman and the scent of blood and charred hair in his nostrils sent him back to a November pavement and pain shooting down every nerve. So it was only when Moody and Gideon Prewett were shouting back and forth about needing to get people to St. Mungo's and pressure and tourniquets and healing spells that they were standing in an alley with char marks marring the buildings and it was March again, and real.

Four people attacked, all Order Members. Dedalus Diggle was panting and mopping his forehead with a handkerchief. Emmeline Vance was crumpled on the ground, her blonde hair covering her face and matted with blood; Dorcas Meadows was kneeling beside her, staunching the flow of blood from a wound and ignoring a freely bleeding cut on her own forehead. And George Hipworth, lying on his back with his eyes wide open, staring at nothing.

Remus turned away and vomited quietly into a corner.

When he became aware of his surroundings again, a warm, soothing hand was on his back, helping him stand, handing him a conjured glass of water. He leaned back into the solid warmth of the body, only to find it slighter than he expected.

"You okay?" James asked.

Remus wanted to nod, to laugh, to reassure him, to be casual and brisk and flip and confident like they had once been, but he could only shake his head.

"Come on." James led him away from the alley, and helped him to sit on the ground, settling down beside him.

"Where's Lily?" Remus finally managed to ask.

"On shift at St. Mungo's. Probably best that way, all things considered."

"Yes." Remus fumbled for the ring Lily had given him, which he wore on a chain around his neck. "How many were there?" he asked, as feeling came back into his limbs.

"Ten. They actually killed two of them."

"Really? I didn't see that."

"Your dad and Christine Kinns were here. They got the bodies out of here as quick as they could."

"Oh."

"They figure they should be able to identify the bodies, and if they're lucky there might be some indication of who they were with."

Remus nodded.

"Remus, I never said it, but thank you. Thank you for being there the night you and Lily were attacked." James's arm around his shoulders was steady. Too steady, Remus thought. James had no idea of the horror of that night, of... of.

"Can we not talk about it?" he asked, his voice strained and taut.

"All right." And the arm fell away as James realized he'd crossed a boundary Remus didn't want crossed. They sat in silence, listening to the low, urgent voices in the alley. "Lily won't talk about it either," James said finally, after so long a silence Remus had nearly forgotten.

"It's not something you talk about, I guess."

"Yeah. I just wish she would."

Here was where he was meant to say something reassuring. Perhaps he should tell James about his own experience, and how he couldn't even say anything to Sirius. How Peter's eyes looked when he'd seen them afterwards, how Tina hadn't known what to say. Maybe he should tell James about the all consuming guilt that he should have known better, should have listened more to Moody, should have been able to get them away quicker, should have been able to dodge the Crucio, should have been able to get to Lily first. Now was the time to tell James just how bad it had been, so James could be gentle and insistent and understanding when Lily finally broke down and told him. This was the opportunity, and he couldn't say a thing.

James sighed and stood up, and then offered a hand down to Remus. "Shall we go see what Padfoot is up to?"

Remus took the hand, letting James pull him to his feet. "He's probably charging them all down, roaring at the top of his lungs. Wormtail make it here?"

"I heard him right as you went off. I didn't hear why he was late." James put his hand between Remus's shoulder blades and guided him back. "I think he's scared."

Remus snorted. "Do you blame him?"

"Yes." Remus looked at James, startled. "Well, not how you think. Look, Moony. I know you won't say it, but I know you were terrified tonight."

"Prongs-" Remus interrupted, not convinced his stomach wasn't going to rebel again.

"And you should be," James rushed on. "But you came as soon as you were called and you fought. You did what you had to do, even though you were scared." Remus bowed his head. "Peter still needs to learn to do that."

"Come on," Remus chided. "Be nice."

"There's a difference between nice and truthful. I don't blame Peter. But..." James trailed off, shrugging. "That's the way it is."

"I guess." Remus looked up as Sirius and Peter both headed for them. "What's happening now?"

"Dumbledore said you and James can take off, but come round to the Dragon Rider tomorrow," Sirius said. "Wormtail and I are going to stick around and help out here. He's got some stuff he wants us to do."

"All right. Moony, do you need help getting home?" James asked.

Pride drew Remus's spine up straight. "Not at all. I'll be fine, Prongs." Both James and Sirius smiled at him with approval. He was able to grin as he Apparated home, changed out of his smoky clothes, and climb into the small bed that squeaked when he moved too much. And the next morning, he refused to remember Lily's screams.

***

"So where were you two last night, anyway?" James asked the next day. Seven of them- James and Lily, Frank and Alice, Peter, and Remus and Sirius- had decided to stay at the Dragon Rider Pub for lunch after the meeting. "We tried to owl you, but neither of you were home."

"We just went out," Sirius said with a wave of his hand.

"Drinking again?" Lily snorted.

"Yeah. Went to the Leaky Cauldron."

There was a silence over the table, and Frank subtly shook his head at Remus.

"No you weren't," James said. "That's where we all went. You weren't there."

"Oh." Sirius looked at Remus, panicking, and Remus sighed.

"Fine. We went to Wandwaver's."

James and Peter both exploded into laughter, and Lily and Alice giggled. Frank was watching them with concerned, wide eyes.

"Why," James sputtered, when he could speak, "would you ever go in there?"

"The Lobalugs were playing," Remus said defensively. "We wanted to hear them."

"Yeah, but at a hangout for queers?" James asked incredulously.

"I wish you'd told us," Lily groused. "I would have liked to have gone."

"Lily," Peter explained patiently. "It's a gay club. For gay wizards."

"So? Remus and Sirius went."

Sirius kicked Alice under the table before the others noticed her smirk. She schooled her features back into... well, it was still a smirk, but it wasn't an obvious one.

"Besides," Lily continued, "I'll bet there's no line for the ladies'."

Remus shrugged. "Didn't notice."

"So what was it like?" James asked. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and shrugged. "No, really. Tell me. Was everyone naked?"

"Um, no."

"I've heard that at clubs like that it's like an orgy," Peter contributed. "With all kinds of sex toys and whips and chains."

Sirius goggled at him. "Where did you hear that?"

Peter shrugged. "Everybody says it."

"Did a lot of guys try to hit on you?" James asked. "I mean, did they come up and start groping you?"

"One guy asked me if I wanted to go home with him," Remus said, and Sirius controlled his choke, "but I said I was there with a friend and he left the subject. He was sure a lot less annoying than you when you were stalking Evans here."

"It worked," James pointed out.

Remus's head thudded gently against the table.

"Would you two grow up?" Sirius finally snapped. "It was a club. There was a band playing and booze for sale and a lot of guys dancing and talking. Everyone was wearing clothing and maybe people were kissing-"

"Oh gross," Peter said.

"I'll bet they were doing more than kissing, but you just won't tell us," James taunted.

"No, we've been there," Alice finally spoke up. "You two must have a really distorted view of reality if you think people have orgies in a place where anyone could walk in."

"But people like that have different morals than we do," James insisted.

"Potter, shut up before I smack you in the head," Frank drawled. "You sound like an idiot."

James looked at Sirius and must have seen something of the anger in Sirius's eyes, because he subsided for a few minutes, focusing on the remains of his sandwich. But his silence didn't last for long.

"So are you two ever going to move in together or what?"

Remus choked on the chip he was chewing and Sirius snarfed beer out his nose as Lily pounded Remus on the back. "Oh, that HURT, you prat!" Sirius said. "What did you say?"

"You laugh at us for going to Wandwaver's, and then in the next breath ask us if we're going to shack up?" Remus demanded.

"Sheesh, no. I was trying to change the subject," James said, hands raised defensively. "I mean, you two go out all the time and when you get pissed Remus always spends the night and Padfoot's flat is big enough for the both of you... why not just be roommates and save money?"

Sirius's pulse slowed. For one heart-stopping, terrifying minute he'd thought....

"Sorry, Prongs," Remus said. "Just touchy. But I already have a place."

"It's a rathole," Peter muttered.

"And you should know," Remus retorted. "It's not that bad. Honestly, Mum says it's like what she had when she started school."

"It would be easy to get out of your lease," James said. "Just tell your landlord you're a werewolf."

"True," Remus grudgingly admitted.

"And Sirius wouldn't mind," Peter volunteered.

"I'd be annoyed, but you're right," Sirius grumbled.

"So why not?" James asked.

Neither of them had an answer to that.

***

"Hey Remus?" Sirius asked later that night as they lay on the floor of his flat and played a game of Scrabble.

"Mmm?" Remus's eyes were fixed on his tiles, as they had been for the past five minutes.

"What did you think of James's suggestion?"

"Which one? He had several, and most of them were stupid." He moved as if to actually take his turn, and then stopped.

"Would you go already?" Sirius demanded. Remus heaved a sigh and began to put his tiles down. "Absolve?" Sirius asked incredulously. "You made me wait ten-"

"Five."

"Minutes for a seven letter word? Why didn't you put it down earlier?"

"It only gets me sixteen points," Remus groused, drawing six new tiles. "So which suggestion?"

"That we move in together to save money."

"Oh. Hmmm. I don't know. What do you think?"

"I asked you first."

"It was typical James, I suppose," Remus said, evading the question in a manner that was typically Remus.

"It was better than some of his other ideas," Sirius admitted.

"Yeah. Are you going?"

"After all the time you spent last turn? Even if I had a word, I wouldn't put it down for another three minutes at least. Just out of principle." He fidgeted with a tile. "It would save money," he eventually said.

Remus looked up in surprise. "Do you need to?"

"Who doesn't? I mean, I have the inheritance Uncle Alphard left me, but it's not that much."

Remus chewed his bottom lip. "I am here three nights a week."

"At least." Sirius's eyes wandered to the carpet. "I wouldn't mind if you were here more." When he looked back up at Remus, Remus was also focused on the floor, but the tops of his ears and his cheeks were red, like always when he was extremely pleased and embarrassed. Sirius allowed himself a small smile and began putting down his own word.

A few turns passed in silence. Then Remus said, "You know, if we weren't..." he fumbled for the words that normally would come easily.

"Sleeping together," Sirius filled in.

"Yeah. Anyway, if we weren't, and the idea of being roommates came up, I'd jump at it in a second. I mean, you're my best friend and I've survived living with you for seven years before this. So why am I even debating it now?"

"Because we are sleeping together, and it feels like taking the next step and living together, I guess," Sirius said glumly. "I see what you mean. Domestic-y and picking out sheets and towels."

Remus wrinkled his nose. "Commitment and marriage talk and arguing over who takes out the trash and who left his socks on the floor again."

"We'd have to sit around in front of the fire and stare into each other's eyes," Sirius said, warming to the theme. Remus made a gagging noise. "And roses and calling if we're going to be late."

"I mean, I'm not shagging anyone else," Remus said, sitting up in his earnestness. "I don't want to."

"Me either."

"But I like the way things are now. I like that I have my own life and my own space and all that. I like us being friends. I like not being SiriusandRemus all in one word. I like being on my own."

"Exactly!" Sirius exclaimed, punching his fist in the air to emphasize the point. "I don't want to be accountable to you."

"I don't want to be dependent on you."

"I don't want to be tied down."

"I don't want to be propped up."

They grinned at each other. "So we'll keep going as we are?" Sirius asked.

"I think so. Don't you?"

"Yes. Now go again. Honestly, you take longer at this game than anyone I know."

They both settled back down to the Scrabble board, telling themselves they were relieved and congratulating each other on being clear headed and thinking the same way. It was wonderful how great minds thought alike.

Both of them ignored the nagging disappointment until it was buried under everything else.

***

Remus pried his eyes open, blinking as the late morning sun lit his face. For a morning after the full moon, he felt good. Remarkably good.

He eased out of bed, noting that there was only one bandage around his bicep and one around his calf. He was sore, tired, and had a headache, but compared to most mornings like this he was ready to get up and dance a jig.

All body parts and facilities accounted for, he slowly worked his way through a warm shower, a cup of tea, and three bowls of the potato soup that Lily had left for him. By the time he was fully dressed and had rinsed his bowl and put the leftovers into the ancient fridge, he had decided it might be nice to walk to work. Anything that required concentration would be out, but he could at least clean a few cages.

It was a beautiful day; the first warm day of spring. April showers were just about to give way to the fabled May flowers, and the trees were lightly laced with new green leaves. Remus pulled a jacket on only because he harbored the not-so-irrational fear that either Lily or his mother would somehow know he wasn't wearing it, and then he'd never hear the end of it. The thought entertained him until he arrived at Caradoc's lab. He let himself in quietly as he noted the two broomsticks propped in the doorway.

The visitors were in Caradoc's office. Remus could hear their voices- a baritone and a dry, nasally deep tenor- as he began to clean the moke's cage. They didn't sound happy.

"The Ministry's stance has been very clear on this, Dearborn," he heard the baritone say.

"You've received three warnings," the tenor agreed.

"I know, but it's absolutely ridiculous. I checked very early on and there's absolutely no legislation against the hiring of werewolves."

Remus froze.

"Not with private funds," the first visitor agreed. "However, your grant is through the Ministry of Magic."

"But the Ministry has given me free reign over who I hire!"

The tenor snorted. "Never would have taken you for a Dark Creatures advocate, Caradoc."

"I'm not!" Caradoc protested, and Remus winced even if he knew it was true. "Look, I hired him because Dumbledore suggested it, and Dumbledore usually knows best. And he wasn't wrong, either. The boy-"

"The boy, Caradoc?"

"Fine. The creature- oh, no, for crying out loud, just call him Lupin- that's his name anyway- Lupin has a real aptitude for this sort of research, and he has a way with creatures-"

"Hardly a surprise," the man with the baritone voice drawled.

"Well, no. It's not. But it's certainly invaluable to my work. HE is invaluable to my work. He's a bright, intelligent, observant young man, and I finally have him trained up the way I want him! He enjoys the work-"

"Although he can't be bothered to come in today."

"Well, no! I've seen him two days after the full moon and, Dark Creature or not, I usually just want to send him home and to bed. He looks wretched. I would never expect him in the day after the full moon. Apparently the transformation is exceedingly painful. In fact, from what he tells me-"

"Caradoc, the fact still stands that Remus Lupin is a werewolf being paid by Ministry funds, and we cannot allow that. You might be content to employ him, but the rest of the wizarding community-"

"Why should the rest of the wizarding community have a say in who I hire?"

"Because they are paying the bills! And the wizarding community does not want to contribute to the support of Dark Creatures such as your assistant!"

There was silence for a moment, and Remus tried to remind himself to breathe.

"Look," Caradoc finally said, his voice strained and impatient. "Do you have any idea what it takes to train an assistant? How hard it is to find a young wizard who has the mental capacity and the patience to be a good researcher, and is willing to accept the low salary that accompanies it? How many months of research must be sacrificed so you can hold their hand and teach them the ropes? Do you? I could have published three more papers if I hadn't had to take the time to train an assistant. And if I'd had an assistant less competent than the one I have, I'd still be training him. I do not want a new employee! I don't want the hassle! I am perfectly happy with this one and that is all that matters, damn it! If a werewolf can do the job I want him to do, then I will hire a werewolf if I so please!"

"Then you will lose your funding."

For a moment Remus considered storming into the office and hexing them all, and then just renouncing his job there on the spot. He could hear Caradoc sputtering in anger, and could imagine the two men (who he decided looked like an older version of Snivellus Snape and Macnair from the Ministry) staring Caradoc down.

"So, you'll be terminating the werewolf?" the tenor asked.

"I... wait! I've got it! What if I paid his salary from my own savings?"

The first man snorted. "You would do that?"

"I told you. You have no idea how hard it is to find a good assistant. But what if I did? If Remus was funded by -me-, he wouldn't be funded by the Ministry and it would be nice and legal!"

"Well, it is highly unorthodox, but...."

"I can always ask for Dumbledore's opinion."

There was a pause. "The accounting will be snarled."

"We can work it out," Caradoc insisted.

"You're insane."

"I'm desperate."

"It's your head."

"I know. Is this your hat?"

Remus jolted himself back to reality, hurriedly turned back to the moke's cage and looked busy with a skill perfected by seven years of maraudership. He looked up casually when he heard the three men come out into the lab.

"I don't know what you're complaining about, Caradoc," the tenor said. Remus looked up to see a weedy man with an oversized mustache. "You seem to have a perfectly competent helper right here."

"Remus!" Caradoc said, eyebrows arching in surprise. "You made it in today!"

"Yes. For some reason I felt all right this morning." Remus vanished the moke's bedding with a deft flick of his wand. "Spring, maybe."

"Wait. This is the werewolf?" The man with the mustache took an involuntary step back.

"Oh yes, how rude of me. Gentlemen, this is my assistant, Remus Lupin. Remus, this is Mr. Herring and Mr. Alleman from the Ministry."

"Nice to meet you," Remus said, extending his hand. Neither of them took it. Remus retracted it guiltily, squashing down the urge to turn tail and run or to hex them both (although both were looking pretty appealing right now).

"Oh come now," Caradoc said impatiently, dusting off a hat that didn't belong to him. "His name is right there on your sheet."

"Yes, but... well... I didn't expect..." The words might be edging towards surprise, but the revulsion on Mr. Herring's face was clear. "You just don't think a...."

"Monsters don't always advertise, Herring. Let's go," Alleman said gruffly. "Dearborn." He tipped his hat at Caradoc and ignored Remus entirely. Herring also passed, giving Remus a wide berth.

"Well, I suppose that went better than could be expected," Caradoc sighed. "Well, why don't you come into my office, Remus? You look like you could do with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Moody brought back some gingersnaps from an especially good bakery in Ireland- he knows I have a fondness for them- but I suppose I can spare a few. Come on, son," he said, placing his hand on Remus's shoulder. "We need to talk."

***

Remus was sitting on the floor, leaning against the door to the apartment and resting his forehead on updrawn knees when Sirius arrived home at eight on a night in late May, carrying take-out and tired from a long day spent over files and in training.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, surprised. "Remus? What are you doing here?"

"The thing is, Sirius," Remus said without looking up, hugging his knees tight, "we never bother with roses. We don't call each other when we're going out. And just because we're sleeping together doesn't mean we have to always report back or tell each other where we're going."

"Roses?" Sirius asked, confused. He unlocked the door.

"Who cares about sheets and towels?" Remus continued, and Sirius could hear his voice shaking. "Who says we have to be domestic? It doesn't have to be tying you down or propping me up-" his voice broke hard, and Sirius flung the door open.

"Come on in," he said, hauling Remus to his feet. "Why aren't you at home?"

It didn't seem to be a good question. Remus followed, but he refused to look at Sirius. There was something wrong, and with a sudden flash of insight Sirius knew it had nothing to do with him.

"What happened?" he asked, setting the curry down on the counter. "You look... well, not terrible, but...." He let his voice trail off, unable to find the words for the dark, haunted look in Remus's eyes.

Remus shook his head. "I'm just saying James might have been on to something. I mean, even Alice's brother Benjy has a roommate. And Davey Gudgeon- you remember him- I heard the other day he's sharing a flat with Tom Abernace. Nothing fishy about it. Tom's dating Bertha Jorkins of all people, and you know Dave fancied Annie Corre since we were third years. I mean, it probably seems stranger that we aren't sharing a flat."

"Moony, what is going on?"

Remus looked down at his shoes. "They're cutting Caradoc's funding," he said quietly. "Or more accurately, they're cutting mine."

"Huh?" Sirius took out two bowls and began dishing curry.

"The grant that Caradoc has from the Ministry includes a salary for an assistant," Remus explained. "But apparently I am not a Ministry approved assistant. So they refuse to pay that portion of the grant."

"You lost your job?"

"No. I still have it, but at a cut in pay."

"Oh. That sucks." Sirius set both bowls of curry down on the table. "I know chicken isn't your favorite, but have some anyway," he ordered. Remus sat down across from him and toyed with the spoon. "So can you still make your rent?"

Oops. Wrong question.

"The thing is," Remus eventually said into the strangled silence, "I like my job. It's interesting. I like Caradoc. He drives me insane some days, but he knows what I am and he still hires me. He asks all sorts of questions and sometimes they're invasive, but at least he talks to me like I'm human. Those two Ministry goons last month..." he clamped his mouth shut and Sirius realized he wasn't going to hear the whole story. "I like my job," Remus repeated stubbornly.

"Funny that," Sirius said around a mouthful of curry, feeling like he'd just wandered into a tap dance show where the stage was thin ice. "I never pegged you for a researcher. I mean, I know you're good at it, but..."

Remus shrugged. "Me either. But I like it."

"Is that what you want to do for your life?" Sirius asked, suddenly realizing he didn't know the answer.

"I don't know," Remus admitted, resting his chin on his hand. "It wasn't what I imagined."

"What do you want?"

Remus shrugged. "A lot of things. I like what I'm doing and I'll probably do it for a couple of years. But I'd like to do so many other things. I'd like to travel. I'd love to work in other countries. There's provisions that a werewolf can travel if it's work related. Your uncle traveled all the time."

"Yeah," Sirius said with surprise.

"I'd like to do something... I don't know. Something exciting. The research is good, but it's always in the lab and it's meticulous and some days it's boring. Although Caradoc's talking about arranging an expedition to the Isle of Drear. He's getting us the papers."

Sirius's eyes widened. "The Isle of Drear?" he asked incredulously, well aware of the danger.

"I know," Remus said, and his eyes were starting to take on life and light again. "But it would be so interesting. No one's ever examined quintapeds in their natural habitat like that- we'd be the first. That's what really excites me about the research. For a few minutes or a few months, I know something that no one else knows. No one else in the world, Sirius. And I'm torn between wanting to tell everyone and get them to see what I've found out, and keeping it to myself so I can say it's something that only I have. I'd love to be an explorer, although I guess that seems kind of silly when I say it out loud. But there are so many places outside of Britain, so many mysteries.... And then I turn around and I want to..." he trailed off, looking away.

"What? You want to what?"

"You're going to laugh," Remus said, blushing.

"No I won't."

"Promise?"

"On the remnants of James's virginity."

Remus snickered, and then sobered. "I would love to teach," he admitted.

Sirius began to smile.

"See! I told you you would laugh!"

"I'm not laughing!" Sirius protested, holding up his hands in defense. "I'm not... oh hell. Yes I am. Come on, Moony! It's not that I don't think you'd be good at it, but... after all the hell we gave every Hogwarts teacher in our time?"

Even Remus had to chuckle at that. "I suppose. What do you want to do, Sirius?"

Sirius shrugged. "Exactly what I am doing, or else I wouldn't be doing it."

"Yeah." Remus looked away wistfully.

"Anyway," Sirius said. "Back to the flat thing. Are you serious that you want to move in?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Remus said. "I wouldn't ask. I mean, I don't want to tie you down, but money is getting really tight and-"

"Wait. Getting really tight? When did this all happen?"

"Three weeks ago. I wanted to see if I could do it." Remus ducked his head, and Sirius tactfully looked away. "If I want to pay rent, I can't eat."

"Well then," Sirius said in a deceptively light voice. "We'll be roommates. Your dad and I are supposed to go to Spain tomorrow, but when we get back, we'll work it out."

"Thanks, Sirius." There was too much relief in Remus's voice, but when Sirius looked at him, Remus's eyes were dry and he had an unsure smile.

"Hey, it's no problem," he said. "I'm not going to say no to sex on tap." They both laughed, and Sirius pushed a plate of chicken curry at Remus. "Come on. Eat, and then stay the night. We'll worry about it all when I get back."

***

Knowing he could stay with Sirius took a huge burden off Remus's shoulders. And while the circumstances were embarrassing, he had to admit he was looking forward to it. The novelty of having his own place had worn off, and now he missed the camaraderie and comfort of their Hogwarts days, when it had always been the four of them. The truth of the matter was it was lonely when he came home to his tiny (and yes, admittedly rather ratty) bedsit. The place echoed with silence.

It was that silence that sent him to his parents' house the next night, looking for company as much as being willing to provide it. It was good to be home with his mother, letting her fuss over him and enjoying their favorites of take-out Chinese and cheap wine.

The living room of the Lupin house looked like it always had, although the slipcover on the sofa was new and there were flowers in the vase on the end table. Roses this time, Remus noted with an amused grin. And so they should be, as his parents had just had their anniversary. He leaned over and smelled them.

"It's taken twenty-four years, but your father has finally gotten the concept of flowers," Marilyn said, as she settled down on the floor next to Remus, handing him his carton of soup. "It's about time."

Remus chuckled. "I'd say so."

"If you were straight, I'd be giving you a lecture right now," Marilyn sighed, and Remus cringed. It was one thing to know he was gay, and another to hear it said by his mother, especially when she used her "everything's-normal-it's-all-right" voice.

"Yes, well," he said, crumbling fried noodles into his soup and stirring it like it was the most fascinating thing ever.

"Are you and Sirius still together?"

Remus shrugged. "It's not really together," he said. "Not like that. It's not love or anything."

"So you say. Do you go out with other people?"

"Sure," he said, deliberately misunderstanding her. "I go out with James and Lily, and Peter and Tina- although I don't much like Tina- and Frank and Alice, and two days ago Caradoc took me out to lunch."

"Remus," she said, fixing him with the motherly glare of doom.

"No," Remus sighed. "I don't go out with other people. But look, Mum, you know how things are. There's enough going on with Voldemort trying to rise to power and the Order and trying to keep my job without worrying about if my date knows I'm a werewolf. At least with Sirius I know he knows, and I'm comfortable. I can relax with him, and not worry about what he's thinking."

Marilyn gawked at him. "You don't have the faintest notion of what love is, do you Remus?"

"Sure I do. James and Lily are in love, Frank and Alice are in love. Peter loves Tina, although..." He chewed on his lip as he thought about that.

"Although what?"

He thought about trying to answer it and then shook his head, unable to articulate just what bothered him about Tina Lovegood.

"Has Peter told her about you?"

"No. At least, I don't think so."

"Hmmm."

"Anyway, Sirius and I aren't like them."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"Mum!" Remus exclaimed, turning bright red and slurping soup as if his life depended on it.

"Remus, are you sleeping with him?"

"No."

"Honest?"

He hesitated, and then before he could stop it his mouth blurted, "I'm moving in with him."

Silence. Stone cold silence.

"Mum?" Remus asked, risking a peek at her. Her lips were pressed together in a tight line.

"Yes?"

"Why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad."

"You are," he insisted. "This isn't fair. You know I'm gay. You said you...." And he had to pause, because he couldn't remember exactly what she'd said. She never said she understood and she never said she accepted it, she just.... "Mum?"

"You're too young," she said finally.

He relaxed considerably. "I'm nineteen."

"Exactly."

"It's old enough."

"Remus, you can't even figure out what love is. Sirius has you twisted around in so many knots you can't see what's right in front of you."

"That's not true!" he protested, slumping deeper against the couch.

"No? You're in love with him, and he's got it so you can't even admit that."

"No he doesn't. I'm just not in love with him, Mum. I keep telling you, it's not like that."

"Then you shouldn't have slept with him."

"Oh, come on!" Remus sputtered. "Don't tell me the only man you ever slept with was Dad!" She met his gaze evenly. "You're joking," he said in awe. "Are you serious?"

"Absolutely. I never slept with any man but your father."

"But you- I mean- I've seen pictures and you-"

"I burned my bra, I wrote editorials, I ironed my hair, I earned my degree... but equal rights and feminism doesn't have to be about sleeping with every man you meet. When you get down to it, feminism and sex are two different things. The point has always been it's MY choice, and I chose to wait."

"And I chose to sleep with Sirius," Remus riposted back quickly.

"Touché," his mother sighed. "One day you and I need to sit down and have a long talk about love, Baby." Remus shrugged. "But not tonight. So tell me about what's going on with your job."

Relieved to be off the subject, and comfortable discussing funding cuts with a scientist mother, Remus happily complied.

***

The moving-in process went more easily than either of them had expected. Remus didn't own much and his bedsit had been furnished, so it was a simple matter for the two of them to move his possessions into Sirius's flat. It only took an afternoon for them to unpack the boxes, and then Remus was settled.

It didn't really hit either of them that night, or the next. It hit on a Wednesday night, when Sirius came home at eleven (after owling Remus to say he'd be late) and the moon was two days from full. Sirius had wolfed down the take-out he'd picked up and slid into bed beside Remus, who was trying not to fall asleep before he finished the current chapter of the latest Harlequin romance novel he'd filched from Alice or Lily.

"It baffles me that you read that stuff," Sirius groaned. "I mean, it's heterosexual sex, and badly written at that. What possible interest could you have in it?"

Remus yawned widely. "It's entertaining," he said. "And what's really entertaining is you know what's in it."

"Funny," Sirius said, kissing him on the cheek. "Like a half naked woman swooning in the arms of some muscle-bound brain dead goon doesn't give away the more salient points of the plot."

"'Her bosom heaved'," Remus began to read, "'as he pulled her close to him. 'I shall have you now,' he said. 'Oh yes, take me! Take me please!' His hand slid down her side to her thigh, and he began to hike up her skirt.'"

"Stop before I vomit," Sirius begged. "Please."

"'His hand-'"

"You just read that sentence."

"No I didn't. It's that bad. 'His hand found her panties, moist with-'"

"Enough!" Sirius shouted, hitting Remus over the head with his pillow. "If you're going to read bad sex to me, at least have the courtesy to read something that doesn't contain bodily fluids or discharges!"

"Um, Pads? Semen is a bodily fluid and a discharge."

"Whatever! Put the bloody book away so we can go to sleep, will you?"

Remus smiled and put the book on his nightstand, face down, and then extinguished the light. They kissed each other good night, and that was all.

It was only as he was drifting off that Sirius realized that Remus had never spent the night without some sort of sex being involved. And although he certainly liked nights with sex, there was something to be said for nights just sleeping beside a friend.

***

"So Moony moved in with you, huh?" James asked as he and Sirius sat at a table in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Yeah," Sirius said, taking a sip of his beer. "Funding cuts and everything."

"That's great," James said, but his voice rang a bit false.

"What is it?" Sirius asked. James shook his head. "Come on," Sirius insisted. "You can tell me."

"It's stupid."

"So? When's that ever stopped you? Tell me."

James snorted, running his finger around the ring of condensation his beer had left on the table. "It's just that... at Hogwarts, it was always you and me and Remus and Peter. And a lot of times, it was just you and me, y'know?"

"Yeah, cause it's exactly how I felt when you started going off with Evans," Sirius said. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Prongs," he apologized as he saw James's stricken face. "I didn't mean it to sound that way."

James shook his head. "No, you're right. You are right, even if you're an ass about it. I mean, how often do we see Wormtail these days now that he's hooked up with Tina?"

"This is the one thing we shouldn't let this war stop," Sirius said, gesturing to himself and James. "This."

"War isn't stopping it," James said with a sad smile. "We are."

At the time, Sirius didn't have an answer to that.

The answer, however, was simple and delivered by Peter a week later after the full moon.

"We need a boys' night out," he groused as he pulled the quilt around Remus's shoulders. "Do you realize we haven't been together just the four of us since the last full moon? We ought to make it a once a week thing. No Tina, no Lily, no flavor of the week or whatever you and Remus do. Just the four of us."

"What would we do?" James asked.

"What does it matter?" Peter retorted. "It doesn't have to be some big production or stag night every time. We could even just go over to Sirius's and sit around getting drunk. Half the nights at Hogwarts we never did anything but goof off anyway."

"True," Sirius admitted. "So..."

"Wednesday nights," Peter decided. "None of us have to work. Wednesday nights, eight thirty, meet at your place," he pointed to Sirius, "and we'll figure it out from there."

James shrugged. "Works for me."

"Me too." Sirius looked down at Remus, who was still asleep. "I can't imagine it won't work for Moony."

"Good," Peter said, finally breaking into a grin. "See you Wednesday."

***

It was exactly what they needed.

Without Sirius saying anything, Remus seemed to understand that he needed time alone with James before the others arrived. So Wednesday nights, Remus never returned home from work until eight thirty. James Flooed over at seven, and Peter would always be five minutes early himself.

The evening was rarely anything exciting or exotic. Sometimes they went out, but they found that when they ventured out into the Wizarding World they inevitably ran into people they knew, and it was no longer just the four of them and the evening lost its charm. So for the most part they stayed at Sirius's flat, talking and, as Peter had so eloquently put it, goofing off.

The talk ran deeper than at Hogwarts. Instead of lessons and plans and mischief, they found themselves talking about the war and strategies and rumors of deaths and destruction. But there were lighter times. James entertained them with play-by-play recaps of the Wimborne Wasps games, particularly the Beating work of Ludo Bagman. (The other three were intensely jealous that James had even met Bagman, much less was on the same team.) Sirius told them about the exotic places he and Damien traveled, tracking Dark wizards. (And some not-so-exotic places, like Sheffield and Manchester.) Peter handed out samples of his newest creations, some of which were disasters (Raspberry Rodents) and some of which were declared to be pure genius (Ice Mice, which Remus developed a deadly weakness for the first time he tried them). And Remus always had a supply of stories about Caradoc Dearborn, especially the days that Alastor Moody came into the lab.

Of course women were a topic of conversation. James would roll his eyes about Lily's wedding madness, and Peter would complain about Tina's pressuring him for commitment. Sirius heckled them both and Remus offered a somewhat-sympathetic ear, and they both insisted that they steered clear from women for a reason. Remus didn't even have to expound, and Sirius claimed that any woman who looked at him would only love him for his name, his looks, and his bike. His boasts brought him the good-natured harassment that he deserved, but fortunately neither James nor Peter seemed to question it much. He had no idea that the pair of them had decided that Sirius feared all women based on his mother, and didn't blame him in the least.

But it always came back to war, as much as they didn't want it to. In fact, some nights were devoted entirely to planning whatever Dumbledore had asked them to do, be it recovering (stealing, Remus always muttered) some artifact or scroll or intercepting correspondence or being there to fight when it was suspected Death Eaters were attacked. Even if only one or two of them were involved in the assignment, all four of them planned, because that was how they worked and, even though they rarely admitted it, they were desperate to see the others come out alive.

And yet, as the spring days turned to summer and the war only destroyed the fringes of their lives, Wednesday nights seemed a bit like being young again.

***

Sirius was hunched over his desk, not writing so much as doodling runes as he thought. The office was empty; he had only stayed to translate his share of the runes from the scroll he and James had swiped from a small museum in Surrey on Dumbledore's orders. He didn't even hear the footsteps, although admittedly they weren't loud.

"Black," Moody said suddenly, making Sirius jump, "I want a word with you."

Sirius turned in his chair. "Yes, sir?" he drawled, gesturing for Moody to sit in his guest chair rather than standing to meet him. Moody regarded him with something that must have been amusement, because he sat instead of hexing Sirius into oblivion. The round won, Sirius leaned back in his chair, thumping his boots up on his desk. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about Lupin." Moody's eyes met his square on.

"Damien?" Sirius asked, arching his eyebrows in surprise.

"No. His kid."

Oh. Sirius knew exactly what this was about, and cursed himself for not anticipating it. He folded his hands behind his head and affected a deliberate air of casualness. "What about him?"

"Word has it he's living with you."

"Yeah. So what?"

"You're not supposed to be giving refuge to Dark Creatures."

Sirius shrugged.

Moody scratched his cheek. "Some people say that's exactly what you're doing. They say it's because he's short on Galleons. But me, I don't believe it."

"I had no idea that this was the subject of so much conversation," Sirius said lightly.

Moody ignored him. "I think it's personal, him living with you, Black. And I think it's more personal than either of you let on to anyone else."

He wasn't moving, but the way Sirius's muscles froze had to have been obvious nonetheless. "Yeah?" he repeated. "So what?"

"Well now, if it was just for the money, I'd be reminding you that keeping a werewolf as a roommate is against the rules for employees of the Ministry, especially the Aurors. And as a senior employee, I'd be warning you that if it doesn't end immediately, you'll be sacked. Lots to consider there with a Dark Creature, especially when money is involved. But if it was personal, that's no one's business and should be kept that way. So I'll ask you just once, Black. Is it personal, Remus Lupin living with you?"

Sirius's gaze never wavered. "Yes. It's personal."

"All right then. That's all I want to know. See you tomorrow, lad." Moody got up and began to walk away.

"Hey, Alastor?" Sirius called after him. Moody turned. "Has it ever been personal for you?"

Moody snorted. "Never saw the point in any of it, lad. Have a good night."

***

"What I want to know," Sirius said later that night as they ate takeaway fish and chips together, "is how Moody found out. James and Peter are the only ones that know you're living here, and they don't even know the rest of it."

"My dad knows I'm here," Remus pointed out around a mouthful of potato.

"He wouldn't have told Moody though," Sirius argued.

"No. The Registry knows. I had to tell them. But I just owled them yesterday. Finally."

"They must work fast."

Remus shook his head. "No. They're terribly disorganized most of the time. And I told them the address, but I didn't mention I was living with someone."

"Huh." Sirius picked at the batter on his fish as he puzzled it out. "Anyone else?"

Remus snapped his fingers suddenly. "Caradoc. I'll bet it was Caradoc. I told him because, well, he pays me and he had to know where to send anything, but also he was feeling so bad about the fact I had to move that I sort of admitted that we weren't just friends."

Sirius whistled through his teeth. "Such a risk, Moony! How'd he take it?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "In typical Caradoc form. I'll have you know I've been getting all sorts of entertaining and intrusive questions about our sex life, from how we do it to how lycanthropy affects my body and can you notice a difference closer to full moon, like how women have fuller breasts around their periods." Sirius shuddered. "I finally gave him the book."

Sirius sputtered with laughter. "Oh, that's priceless! His face must have been- what did he say?"

Remus bulged out his eyes and stared down at his plate. "Well, I must say!" he began in an excellent imitation. "I never knew you could- oh my goodness gracious yes, how do they do that? I've never... now, what do you use for lubricant? I imagine there must be some sort of lubricant, or you'd tear each other up every time and it would scar... does it scar? Or do you get calluses?"

"Calluses?" Sirius howled.

Remus just shook his head.

"Oh well," Sirius sighed, settling back. "I guess they both took it as well as could be expected."

"Better than, to be truthful."

"Yeah. Makes me wonder... I wonder if we're not having enough faith in James and Peter."

Remus's face was troubled. "I know. I think that too, sometimes. But..."

"Yeah. But."

"And Pads, what would we tell them?" This time Remus's eyes met his, and Sirius had the idea that the question went much deeper than it ever had before.

"I don't know," he said carefully, not breaking their gaze. "What do you think?"

"I don't know either. I just... don't know."

"Guess it's best to leave it then," Sirius sighed regretfully. He reached out and touched Remus's shoulder. Remus yielded into the touch and soon was sitting in Sirius's lap. Sirius ran greasy fingers through Remus's hair, and Remus dropped his head against Sirius's shoulder.

"One day," Remus promised. "One day the words will come."

Sirius just buried his face against Remus's neck.

***

Words weren't difficult for everyone. On a hot day in August, James finally said them, loudly enough for everyone to hear in a voice that didn't shake. And Lily said them right back, in a ceremony and ritual that Remus suspected was older than magic itself.

He sat with Peter in the second row of seats, right behind Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Sirius winked at them from his place behind James, and Remus flashed him a thumbs up while Peter pulled a hideous face at him. After seeing James choke on his laughter and flush an unbecoming shade of red, Remus decided that Peter had the right idea and joined in, until the bride began her walk down the aisle and James's attention wasn't on them anymore.

"You have to admit," he said to Peter when there ceremony was over and the throng of people was congratulating the newly married couple, "there's something to be said for all this 'death till you part' stuff."

Peter snorted. "Easy for you to say, Mr. Confirmed Bachelor. I still think Prongs is nuts."

"I thought you liked Lily."

Peter shrugged. "It's not Lily. It's the fact that they're nineteen and the world is in utter chaos. But..." he sighed, "at least they're not having kids."

Remus decided to tactfully not mention that Lily had confided she wanted a child as soon as possible. "Come on," he said, plucking at Peter's sleeve. "Let's go get pictures."

"I was thinking booze," Peter said.

"Pictures first. Booze after."

Peter actually ended up winning as Tina and his younger sisters joined them, dragging them both off to the celebration. Remus found it hard to complain, especially as his parents, Frank and Alice, the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and a gaggle of Lily's friends also joined them, bringing the volume up and making the happiness of the day almost tangible.

Pictures could wait, Remus decided. Friends first.

***

Sirius never wanted to see another camera in his life. "Honestly," he confided to James, "I can't even see."

"I don't know what you're complaining about," James complained. "You were only in half of them."

Sirius chuckled, and then backed away as the small band began to play. "Sounds like they're about to be playing your song, Prongs. Go get her."

James leered at him, and went over to find Lily. Sirius watched them dance; Lily graceful and sure, James clumsy but flushed with happiness.

"There you are, Pads," Remus said, handing him a drink as he sat down with him, Peter, Tina, and Peter's sisters. "We were wondering what happened to you."

"Attacked by an army of photographers," Sirius said. "This is much better."

Remus was swaying to the music. Sirius had to admit his dancing skills had improved dramatically since their first foray to Wandwaver's. "The band isn't half-bad, for a wedding band," he said.

"Not the Lobalugs though," Sirius sighed.

Remus shrugged, but Sirius saw the wistfulness on his face. But dancing together was out of the question, and they both knew it. Timing was everything, and coming out by dancing together at Prongs's wedding (before copious amounts of alcohol could be consumed to excuse it) was not at the top of the best ways to tell the others. Remus shrugged again, just slightly, and turned to Peter's younger sister Penny. "Fancy a dance, Pen?"

"No, thank you," Penny said firmly.

"I will!" Patricia volunteered. About to start her third year at Hogwarts, Peter's youngest sister was just beginning the worst throes of puberty, complete with acne, weight gain, and lank hair. But Remus bowed gallantly to her.

"Excellent. Well, come then, fair lady," he said, holding out his hand.

"It sounds like a good idea," Tina said, dragging Peter onto the dance floor. Penny giggled as her brother shot desperate eyes back at them.

"He's so whipped," she said. "And he hates dancing."

"I can see why," Sirius said after a moment of observation. "Sure you won't risk it, Penny?"

"Gladly." Penny jumped up immediately.

They danced companionably. Sirius had to admit that Penny, who was just finishing her fifth year, was shaping up to be a very, very pretty girl, and she danced very well. "Lily looks beautiful," Sirius said, more to break the silence.

"She does," Penny said, but there was something there. Something not as enthusiastic as Sirius would have expected. He looked around for another topic of conversation. "Your sister seems to be having fun dancing with Remus," he commented. Remus and Patricia were doing an extravagant tango out of time with the music, but they were both laughing.

Penny shrugged.

"So, can I ask you a question?" Sirius began, and without waiting for an answer plunged ahead. "Why wouldn't you dance with Remus?"

Penny gave him an "isn't it obvious?" sort of look. "He's not a suitable partner," she explained.

"What?"

"Well, I mean, he's a perfectly nice guy, but he's just not a suitable partner, and my mother is here. She won't mind him dancing with Patricia, because that's obviously just for fun, but she would be very upset if I danced with him."

"Why?" Sirius demanded, completely boggled. "Because he's a-" common sense clamped his mouth shut just in time.

"A halfblood?" Penny finished. "Exactly. Oh, don't look like that, Sirius. You know my family is pureblood."

"But... but... I thought your family LIKED Remus."

"We do," Penny said. "Very much. As a friend for Peter. He's very nice, Sirius, and I know he's an excellent wizard. We're not like your family. We don't think halfbloods should be bred out of existence or anything, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with Muggleborns. It's just we do have to guard the bloodlines. Mum has no problem at all with Peter being friends with Remus. Actually, she thinks he's quite good for him. But she would have a problem with me marrying him."

"I don't believe this."

"Hasn't Peter ever told you?" Penny asked, confused. "I mean, it's not that abnormal. If I did marry a halfblood, Mum would be furious, but she wouldn't disown me. And I don't have to marry someone from a family like the Blacks or the Malfoys. The Potters or the Weasleys or the Lovegoods or any of them would be perfectly acceptable." Penny shrugged. "Even someone from a proper wizarding family, you know, a family that might have a few Muggleborns or even Muggles generations back, but the last two generations have been pureblood, would be all right as long as Peter and Patricia made pureblood marriages."

Sirius had noticed it, now that he thought about it. He'd even remarked as much to Remus at one point. He made a face.

"Sirius, how do you think pureblood families stay pureblood?" Penny asked. "Think about it this way. The Weasleys encourage their kids to marry purebloods. Same with the Lovegoods. I even heard that the Potters weren't too happy when James brought Lily home."

Sirius hadn't known that.

"And Remus. His mother would be furious if he married a girl without a college education. Every family has expectations for what sort of mate their children will pick. As long as it's not forced, it's not a bad thing."

Fortunately, at that point the song ended. Sirius mumbled a hasty excuse and bowed away, Penny's words leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, flopping down beside him.

"It's just...." Sirius shrugged.

"What is this?" James demanded as he and Lily joined them. "Frowning on a wedding day? Padfoot, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Sirius laughed, but his heart wasn't really in it. "What's wrong, Sirius?" Lily asked, sitting next to him,

"Can I ask you guys a question?" Sirius began.

Lily and James exchanged glances. "Sure."

"Okay. Prongs, were your parents upset that Lily here is a Muggleborn?" The way James hesitated over his answer made Sirius's heart sink. "Prongs?"

"I wouldn't say upset," James said. "A little disappointed, I think, but they like Lily, so..." he shrugged. "They were okay with it. They talked to us about the possibility of having kids that were or weren't magic, or worse, one of each, and all that, but they weren't upset. Not like your parents would have been."

"Matter of degree doesn't make it right," Remus muttered next to Sirius, and Sirius felt an overwhelming surge of relief that someone understood.

"What makes you ask, Sirius?" Lily said.

"Oh, just something Penny said. Say, d'you think Peter is dating Tina Lovegood just because she's pureblood?"

"Padfoot." James put his hands on either side of Sirius's face and turned his head to look at Peter and Tina, who were still dancing. "Look at Wormtail. Now look at Tina. Look at the long blonde hair, the figure, and the knockers. Look at the grades and the... well, the rest of it. Now you tell me why he's dating Tina Lovegood."

"Because she puts out," Remus volunteered.

"Wormtail's full of shit." Both James and Sirius dismissed that.

"No, Remus is right," Lily said. "Last November, we, um..." she giggled. "We caught them with their pants down."

"My eyes were scarred for life," Remus said solemnly. "It's the only explanation, anyway."

"You don't like her, do you?" Sirius asked.

"She doesn't like me."

"Why not?" Sirius looked at Lily.

"She thinks he's creepy," Lily said, ruffling Remus's hair affectionately. "Tina took Divination, and she's got a little bit of talent at it, although not like Peter. I think she kind of figured out something is up with you, but didn't figure out what."

Remus shuddered, but didn't seem especially upset by it. "Like I said, he likes her because she puts out." Sirius laughed, and the darkness was driven away. "Look," Remus said. "This is no talk for a wedding. I've got my dad's camera here. Lily, are there any pictures you want?" Before Lily could answer, he picked up the camera and snapped a picture of James, Lily, and Sirius, Lily and James arm and arm, Sirius still laughing.

"Can you get one of my parents and James's parents, and maybe one of me with Cecile, and..." Lily was off. Sirius rolled his eyes at James, who just laughed.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Padfoot," James said as Remus and Lily went off on a wedding photgraph safari. "You're just over-sensitive to it because of your family."

"I guess," Sirius agreed. "So. Tonight's the night, huh?"

James turned beet red. "Yes it is. Any advice?"

"Gentle and slow," was about the only advice Sirius could think of, and then started to realize that was exactly how he'd been with Remus their first time. "Yeah. Gentle and slow works great."

***

Eventually the wedding ended and James and Lily were waved off on their honeymoon to Spain. Two weeks later they were home and laughing, tan and filled with stories of each other on the southern coast. They brought small gifts and souvenirs to the Order meeting, and everyone laughed as Dumbledore donned the flowered shirt they gave him.

It was the last meeting before Hogwarts would reconvene for another year, and although most of the Order members were neither teachers nor students, there was a celebratory air. (Of course, this might have to do with the fact that some of the Order members were parents.)

Remus was talking to Caradoc, gesturing enthusiastically as they explained their research to Sturgis Podmore. Sirius had been accosted by Dorcas Meadows, whom he had entirely forgotten had been his tutor when he was a very young child. (Dorcas hadn't, although with some of the stories she was telling James, Lily, and Peter, Sirius was really wishing she had.) Order members that they'd never met- or realized were in the Order- were there, including Hagrid, a squib, and Dumbledore's brother, who talked loudly about goats with Hagrid. The pub rang with laughter, as if the atmosphere from James and Lily's wedding still pervaded. Perhaps it did; the Death Eaters had been quiet this month, and there had been no deaths in the Order since the wedding.

"A toast!" Fabian Prewett had declared, climbing on his bar and holding up his pint. "To the newlyweds!"

"To the newlyweds!"

"To those who will soon be newlyweds, if they ever get to the Ministry Office!" Benjy Fenwick shouted, looking at his sister and Frank.

The ensuing toast was something like that, but it was too many words to be a unified shout.

"To friends!" Gideon Prewett added in. "Friends and family!"

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "To the success we have had so far," he said, raising his own glass. "And may we continue to have success as the war rages on!"

"Cheers!"

Dumbledore held up his hand. "I have one of those camera contraptions here," he said. "It would be nice if we could get a picture of everyone."

"Bad idea," Alastor Moody said. "If that picture fell into the wrong hands, Dumbledore-"

"Alastor, we are hardly a secret organization, just a very dedicated one. The Death Eaters know who we are, and in times of darkness, it is helpful for us to remember the same. Now, if you would all line up please...."

They shuffled into line. Hagrid in the back, with Aberforth Dumbledore and the Potters and Peter. ("The Potters," Lily was heard to squeal. "I just love saying that.") Sirius stood beside James, Dorcas Meadows talking his other ear off. Remus and Caradoc stood closer to the front, still talking about work even as Moody told them both to shut up for a few minutes. Dedalus Diggle and Elphias Doge both refused to remove their hats, even when Alice frankly (and probably a little drunkenly) told them that they made them both look ten years older. Benjy put his hand over her mouth and dragged her to the other side, Frank laughing at them both. Emmeline Vance was quibbling with Edgar Bones. Gideon and Fabian both affected ludicrous poses of heroic triumph, which made Marlene McKinnon laugh at the both of them.

"All right," Dumbledore said, standing on the table. "Everyone in place? Good. No fidgeting. Now, what's that Muggle expression? Everybody say 'cheese'!"

"Cheese!" the entire Order of the Phoenix said in unison.

The flash went off.