Accidentally In Love

Part III- So This Is It

It was heat. Heat like he'd never known, and pressure bearing down against him. Suffocation, drowning, spinning out of control, caught in the undercurrent. And that was just with Remus straddled across his lap kissing him on the sofa in the Gryffindor common room at two in the morning.

We should stop. I know we should stop. James or Peter or anyone else could come in at any time and... oh shit who CARES?

Sirius's hands drifted, just a little, from the small of Remus's back to the strength of his thighs, glancing across more illicit territory along the way. Remus moaned, a soft sound that sent an electric jolt down Sirius's spine to pool in his stomach. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus again, breaking the kiss and nuzzling into Remus's shoulder, clinging to him desperately. Fingers brushed against his jaw, traced up to his cheekbones, caressed his face. The touch was so gentle it almost didn't register at first, but when Remus pulled his hand away Sirius captured it.

"Do that again," he whispered.

"What, this?" Remus asked, running his fingers over Sirius's skin again.

Sirius shivered under the touch, closing his eyes and holding Remus's hand to his face, rubbing his cheek against it. When he opened his eyes again Remus was looking down at him, the light from the fireplace flickering off his features, his hair falling into his eyes.

"You like that," Remus said softly.

"Yeah. I do." The lights of the common room seemed to dim as the world narrowed down to himself and Remus.

"But you're shaking," Remus observed.

"You're not." He pulled and Remus yielded to him, rearranging himself as he settled in Sirius's lap. The fire between them began to cool, and the constriction around Sirius's chest loosened and he could breathe again.

"Remus?"

"Mmm?"

"It's been a month since we said..."

"Yes. I know."

"It's the first time since then that you've been here."

"In the common room?"

"In my arms."

Remus ran a tentative finger down Sirius's cheek again. "I know."

"I still like it." Sirius cupped Remus's head, playing with the soft, fine hair and guiding Remus down to his shoulder.

"I do, too."

"I was afraid you'd think..."

Remus shrugged. "I don't," he said.

"I still want to," Sirius insisted. "Sleep with you, I mean." The words felt strange on his tongue.

Remus lifted his head and met his eyes. "I know," he said with a measured calmness.

Sirius blushed. "D'you still want to?"

"Sleep with you, you mean? Yes. Very much."

"I..."

"Sirius," Remus inserted firmly. "I'm not in any rush."

"I never said-"

"And besides," Remus continued, deliberately avoiding Sirius's eyes, "where would we do it? In the room when James or Peter could walk in at any time? Behind the broomshed, where anyone could walk in at any time? In a closet? Better to wait until after graduation, when one of us has our own flat and we can have privacy."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed on a gusty exhalation. He leaned back into the couch, cradling Remus to him. This felt right, this gentle intimate embrace with Remus comfortable and his warm breath against Sirius's neck. "I'd like to sit like this more often," he murmured softly.

"We can do that," Remus agreed. "As often as you want."

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"I was trying to tell you... I think I'm ready."

Against him, Remus smiled. "I am too."

***

The problem, however, was exactly what Remus had stated: privacy. As in, there was none to be had in the castle.

Remus and Sirius were not the only couple (um, wait a minute... couple?) to have trouble finding suitable snogging locations. Remus knew this. A half-hour in the dorm would surely include a round of such complaints from both Peter and James.

Peter and James. Remus sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and putting aside his Arithmancy text book he was supposed to be studying. Peter and James couldn't know. Did it have to be so complicated?

A choked hiccough invaded his consciousness, and despite himself he sighed irritably. A fifth-year or a seventh-year studying for tests was having the inevitable nervous breakdown at this time of night.

"They're still two weeks away," Remus muttered to himself, clutching his head in his hands. "Actually thirteen days. Okay, twelve, because it's after midnight. Two hundred and ninety six hours and seventeen minutes and-" he consulted his watch- "twenty six seconds. Twenty five. Twenty four. Twenty three. Twenty-"

"You know Moony, some of us ARE a little more desperate than you to study."

"Peter?"

"In the flesh." Peter had come around from the stacks where he was hidden, balancing a pile of books. "This place gives me the creeps."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Um, It's midnight, I have books, I'm a seventh year, and N.E.W.T.s are in- what did you say? Two hundred and ninety eight hours?"

"Two hundred and ninety six."

"Even worse. What do you think I'm doing in here?"

"Last minute panic?"

"Something like that." Peter dropped his load of books. "I'm going crazy. I am honestly going to lose it."

"You and me both. I thought you were studying with Tina tonight?"

Peter snorted. "How much studying do you really think we were getting accomplished, Moony?"

Remus snorted back. "Does that really need answering?" He turned his attention back to the Arithmancy book while Peter settled down with a Potions tome. But no matter how hard Remus tried to concentrate, the words just wouldn't make sense.

"Wormtail?"

"Yeah?" Peter's voice was indistinct around the quill he was chewing on.

"Have you... y'know...?" Remus blushed.

"What, finished my Potions essay?" Peter asked, a little too innocently.

"No. I mean, with Tina..."

"She and I wrote it together. You can copy it if you absolutely must, Remus, but I'm warning you...."

"Peter!"

"What?" Peter asked as he flipped an unread page. "You asked if I've dot dot dot... what are those things called again? Oh yeah. Ellipses."

"I wasn't asking about your Potions essay," Remus growled through clenched teeth.

"Well then, you have to fill in the blanks. I'm not the one studying Legilimency with Dumbledore."

Remus's mouth dropped open. "How did you...? I haven't even told...."

"What did I just say about ellipses?" Peter chastised.

"I've only been studying it for two weeks!" Remus exclaimed.

"I know all," Peter intoned in a spectral voice. He grinned. "Reasons I'm getting an O on my Divination N.E.W.T."

"Oh, you're not still on about that, are you?"

"Want me to tell your fortune? Here." Peter grabbed Remus's hand. "Long lifeline- you'll live longer than me or Padfoot or Prongs, Moony. Very shallow money line... it'll be me that makes the money, with my new chocolate rats."

"Ugh."

"I'm telling you they'll be a hit, Mr. I-Would-Have-Failed-Divination-Because-I-Can't-Leave-the-

Tea-Leaves-In-the-Cup."

"I like bitter things."

"You're very strange, my lycanthropic friend. You will get six O's on your N.E.W.T.s and five E's, plus one A on the Magical History paper because you spend the entire class devising ways to torture ghosts because Binns doesn't like you."

"Oh, there's a N.E.W.T. line on my hand now?"

"Yes. Right there. I predict no children, and how interesting, no wife. Maybe it's because you're still a virgin."

Remus snatched his hand back as if it was on fire. "You can't tell that from my hand!"

Peter chuckled. "No, I can't. I can just tell from you, Moony. You wanted to know if I've managed to get in Tina's knickers, right?"

"Well, not in so many words, but yes."

Peter grinned evilly. "So I'm right that you're still a virgin?"

"Do you have to shout it to the entire library?" Remus asked, glancing around and slumping in his seat.

"Is Sirius?"

"What?"

"I know James is. Lily won't let him get anywhere. Is Sirius?"

"Ask him!" Remus demanded, trying not to turn red and give away the fact that Sirius's virginity was exactly what was on his mind.

"He's got to be," Peter decided, "or I wouldn't have to ask. I can't believe it. I'm the first of us to get laid?"

"Are you? That's what I'm asking."

Peter gave a large grin that would have split a pumpkin.

"No way." Remus jerked back up to attention, leaning in. "Where?"

"There's this room on the fourth floor. We found it tonight. I've never seen it before, but I'm telling you, it was perfect."

"What do you mean, perfect?"

"Quiet and private, with a bed and everything. There was this chandelier lit with candles, and the spread was velvet and the sheets were satin."

"Hold on, you're telling me Hogwarts has a room set specially for seduction?"

"Yes!"

"Wormtail, do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?" Remus asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes again. "Satin sheets, velvet, candlelight..."

"What's so ridiculous about that?"

"We're in Hogwarts!"

"You don't believe me."

"No! I don't!"

Peter stood up in a huff. "Well fine then. Come on and I'll show you!"

Remus put his book down. "Show me," he agreed, following Peter out of the library.

Peter led the way, consulting the Marauder's Map. "Not too many professors trolling, and since you're a prefect anyway...."

"Can't you just use your considerable Divination skills to predict if we'll get caught?" Remus asked sarcastically.

"You're a pain in the ass when you've been studying too much, do you know that? You need to relax. Moony, you are never, ever going to get laid at this rate. You have no idea of what women want."

"And you do?"

"Tina Lovegood can't be wrong," Peter said gleefully. He looked at the Map again. "Hey, wait..."

"What?"

"There's nothing marked here."

Remus snorted in mock disbelief.

"No, Remus, I'm serious. It was here. I know it was. It's right across from that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy and the dancing trolls. I'm positive!" Peter turned in a circle. "I swear to you-"

"Peter, I'm not saying you didn't-"

"What, you think I'm making the whole thing up?"

"No!" Remus protested, although yes, the thought had crossed his mind at least once. "I'm not doubting you Peter! Just the room!"

"Remus, I KNOW it was here. It was! I would not lie about this!"

"I never said you lied!" Peter's face was flushing red as Remus rapidly backpaddled. "I just said that-"

"Well, what have we got here?" a dry, cackling voice demanded.

Peter froze. Remus had enough presence of mind to tap the Map with his wand. "Mischief managed," he whispered.

"Exactly what I expected." Filch loomed over them, his gray teeth bared in a grin that could only be described as evil. "Mischief indeed. What have you two nasty students been doing?"

"Nothing!" Remus protested. "I'm a prefect and-"

"Prefects stopped patrolling the halls an hour ago, and anyways he's not one of them," Filch pointed out, jabbing a finger in Peter's direction. "And what's this?" Filch snapped the blank Map from Peter's hands.

"Parchment, sir," Peter said. "For taking notes."

"There aren't any notes on it."

"We hadn't started yet."

"It's not parchment, is it? It's some sort of foul little joke." Filch peered at it. "What does it really say?"

"Nothing, sir?" Remus ventured.

"Invisible ink?"

"No, sir."

"A charm? A hex?"

"No sir," Peter said, irritated. "It's blank."

"It is not!" Filch shook the paper. "I don't trust you little twerps any further than I can throw you!"

"It's parchment, sir," Remus insisted. "Can we please have it back and we'll get back to our dormitory?"

But even as Remus spoke, smooth writing began to appear across the Map. Next to Remus, Peter groaned and quietly smacked his forehead.

"Mr. Prongs greets Mr. Filch, and would like to request that he return the parchment to its rightful owners and stop being such a sticky fingered git."

"Oh no," Peter breathed.

"Mr. Padfoot fully agrees with Mr. Prongs, and would like to point out that Mr. Filch takes joy in robbing innocent children of their playthings, and that a soul like that would find a stocking full of coal on Christmas morning, if he did not change his ways immediately."

"A stocking full of coal?" Peter muttered out of the side of his mouth. Remus rolled his eyes skyward.

"Mr. Moony insists that the proper term is kleptomaniac, and that parchment is not on the list of 492 forbidden devices that has been posted on Mr. Filch's door. He would like to demonstrate that he has read the list in order to prove that parchment is indeed not a contraband item. Forbidden items include: Aardvark whistles, Abble's Ape Antics products, Abracadabra sticks, Accidental Reversers-"

"Mr. Wormtail would like to point out that Mr. Moony is a complete nerd, and would also like to insist you return the parchment and return to your office so you and your cat-"

"Air horns (Muggle), Airplanes (paper, balsa wood, magical), Alvin's Floor Oil-"

"-Can do whatever you desire. Whatever that may be. I don't want to know."

Filch's face flushed with fury. "You don't think I know what this is?" he growled. "You don't think I know who Moony and Wormtail are?"

Remus and Peter looked at each other, frantic. "How would you know?" Remus asked calmly.

"I have ears!" Filch shouted. "I hear you call each other those stupid nicknames! I know exactly who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are! I'm keeping this," he said, clutching the paper to him, "and you'll both be in detention until the end of the term!"

"But sir! N.E.W.T.s!" Peter protested. "We need to study!"

"I don't care! I've got you now, you little maggotbags! You're not getting out of this!"

"Finite Incantum" Remus whispered, pointing his wand at the parchment.

"I heard that!" Filch reeled on him. "I heard that! I may not be able to show this to Dumbledore, but he'll agree! Detention for the next two weeks! Now get back to your tower!"

Unable to argue anymore, Remus and Peter turned on their heels and left, both completely despondent.

"I can't believe we lost the Map," Peter muttered as they approached Gryffindor Tower.

"We'll get it back. One of these detentions we'll filch it out of his cabinets. We know where he keeps everything he takes," Remus pointed out. "Queen of England."

The Fat Lady swung open. "You do believe me, don't you, Remus?" Peter asked as they climbed in the portal.

"Yeah," Remus half-lied, mainly because the night was bad enough. "I do, Pete."

***

"What were you two doing that you lost the Map?" Sirius demanded after James and Peter had retreated to the dorm room.

Remus sighed heavily. "Pads, we told you about eight times. We were looking for a room Peter said he'd found."

"I know," Sirius said, sitting back on the couch heavily. He draped one arm around Remus. "I guess the real question is why were you looking for the room?"

Remus chewed his lower lip. "You said.... Why? Does it bother you?"

Sirius didn't even have to think. "If you'd have found that room I would have dragged you to it faster than a niffler loose in Gringotts." He tightened the embrace, pulling Remus close to him and ducking his head to capture Remus's lips and stifling a moan as Remus responded fervently. It took every bit of self-control he had to pull away, reminding himself that they were in the common room. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah," Remus said dazedly. "I guess so." He started to move away, but Sirius kept his arm around him, firmly keeping him close. "Like a niffler in Gringotts, huh?"

"Believe it," Sirius assured him. "Although...."

"Although what?" Remus finally prompted when Sirius didn't finish the thought.

"I don't know... I'm almost glad you didn't find it. I liked the idea of it being in one of our flats."

"More privacy, certainly," Remus agreed. "I have to sit up; my back is killing me." He slipped out from under Sirius's arm and settled against the arm of the sofa, crossing his legs and drawing Sirius's head down into his lap. Sirius stretched out, content.

"It's not just the privacy though," Sirius said when they were settled.

"No?" Remus was combing gentle fingers through Sirius's hair. It felt unbelievably good. "What is it, then?"

"Don't know. Just like the thought of knowing for sure I'll see you again after school."

Remus's fingers stilled. "Sirius, you'll see me again."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? Git."

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up inquisitively.

"Stop being an idiot," Remus sighed. "Sirius, you're my best friend. You became a bloody Animagus for me, for crying out loud. Do you really think that we graduate and then I waltz off, only to return to screw you once?"

"When you put it that way...."

"Git," Remus repeated, and swatted him upside the head.

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Once?"

There was a pause. "I don't know. What do you think?"

"I asked you first."

"You did."

Something much like panic choked Sirius. "More than once?" The blood pounded in his ears.

Remus took his time in answering. The room was silent enough that Sirius could hear the crackle of the fire and the tick of Remus's watch.

"If you want," Remus finally said. There was something there in his face... something Sirius couldn't... oh yes, he could.

Fear.

"Cross that bridge and all that?" Sirius suggested.

"Yeah." Remus's fingers resumed their soft stroking of Sirius's hair. "Cross it then."

***

As interesting as the topic of sex was to both Sirius and Remus right now, some facts simply didn't change. In addition to the utter lack of privacy (Peter's mythical room was never actually found), studying for N.E.W.T.s took up every last minute of free time.

N.E.W.T.s were scary from months away, petrifying from weeks away, and the things of nightmares the nights before, if one could even sleep. But the actual week of N.E.W.T.s was something that Remus would never be able to remember clearly. It was a blur of cramped hands and parchment, late nights reciting complex charms and Arithmancy formulas, critical faces eyeing his work, and worry and ink and nerves and tension. The only thing he remembered clearly was the final day of N.E.W.T.s.

He was the only student in the room. Professor McGonagall, Headmaster Dumbledore, Rolf McKinnon, Andrew Diggory, and Alvin McNair all sat ranged at a table, Remus standing before them. And this final test was more terrifying than all of the previous exams combined.

"Nettles for nettle tea are gathered in...?" McNair said.

"Queerditch Marsh," Remus answered, hands clasped behind himself. His hands were sweating, and he wanted nothing more to sit and be done with this examination. A quick glance at the clock behind Dumbledore's head revealed he had been standing here for over four hours.

"How would you counteract the effects of eating Alihotsy leaves?"

"The fluid produced by the glumblebumble counteracts the hysteria that results from consumption of alihotsy leaves."

At the end of the table, Professor McGonagall gave a small nod. McKinnon yawned.

"Alvin, we've been at this long enough. The boy's answered almost every question correctly. It was obviously a success, and we'll have his N.E.W.T. scores soon enough. Can we please finish?"

Remus tried desperately not to shoot a grateful glance at McKinnon, and failed quite miserably.

"Just a few more questions," McNair insisted.

"Remus," Andrew Diggory leaned in. "Can you describe the theory behind the Incarcerous Charm?"

Remus began to recite, barely hearing his own voice. The room was beginning to spin, and he had to blink to focus on his examiners. He wasn't sure if the answer he gave was gibberish or made sense, but when he finished speaking the examiners did not press him to elaborate.

McNair consulted his notes. "Describe how to brew a Shrinking Solution."

"Alvin!" McKinnon protested. "That's not even O.W.L. level! Enough!"

"Rolf, it is absolutely imperative that we determine if the experiment was truly successful. This is a highly unusual case, and this creature can not be granted-"

"I would thank you," Dumbledore's smooth voice cut across McNair's angry tones, "if you would not refer to my students as creatures. I would also thank you if you would allow Mr. Lupin to sit, if you are not yet ready to allow him to celebrate the end of his examinations with his friends." If Remus could have kissed Dumbledore, he would have.

"We only have a few more questions, Headmaster," Diggory said. "But a chair would be in order." He sketched the shape in the air, and Remus found himself collapsing into the conjured chair. He just wanted out of here. The sun was bright over the grounds and right now Peter and James and Sirius would be sitting under the tree or thinking about dinner or..."

"Mr. Lupin?" Diggory's voice broke into his thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, dragging himself back to the present. "I didn't hear the question."

"Have any students become aware of your lycanthropy since you have started at Hogwarts?"

"Um..." Remus said slowly, surprised at the change in tactics. What was he supposed to say? Did he tell them about Sirius, James, and Peter? And even worse, did he tell them about Snape? Once again, Dumbledore came to his rescue.

"Alvin, I think it is best if we discuss those matters amongst ourselves. One more question for Mr. Lupin, I think, and then we shall let him go."

McNair's face twisted in fury, but Diggory and McKinnon were nodding. The question that followed was so predictable that Remus had started reciting the answer before McNair had even finished the words. "Recite the Werewolf Code of Conduct."

"You know," Remus said to Professor McGonagall as she escorted him out of the examination room, "sometimes it almost seems like brainwashing or something, the way they make us recite that over and over."

Professor McGonagall squeezed his shoulder. "It probably is. But you did well, Remus." She smiled a thin, hapless smile. "Alphard would be proud of you."

He smiled back at her. "Thanks."

Sirius was waiting for him, sitting in the window sill, the bright summer sun silhouetting him. Remus had never felt so glad to see him in his life.

"Four and a half hours, Moony?" he demanded. "What were they doing in there?"

"Seeing if Dumbledore's pet creature absorbed every last word said within these hallowed halls," Remus replied bitterly. "Padfoot, I know more about charms than McNair ever will, and he still gets some sort of say in what qualifications I get. You should have heard him." Sirius wrapped an arm around his waist and Remus rested his head against his shoulder. "I hate this," he muttered, "I really do."

"It'll get better, Moony," Sirius reassured him. "Now that you're done school."

"No, Sirius. That's what they were trying to tell me. It's going to get worse."

***

The day of graduation was bright and sun-drenched, filled with laughing parents and the colors of the Houses. Sirius watched the groups move about the grounds, the colors of their robes shifting in fluid masses.

The entire Pettigrew clan had turned out to see Peter graduate: his mother, Penny and Patricia, aunts and uncles and cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were there, fussing over James. So were the Lupins, sedately but obviously proud of Remus. Sirius fixed his eyes on the castle, consciously not thinking of his parents and Regulus, home in the gloom of the House of Black.

"Sirius." He was startled out of his non-thoughts and turned to face Mr. Lupin, standing next to one of the oddest men he'd ever seen. "Congratulations," Mr. Lupin said, extending his hand. Sirius took it gravely. "Sirius, I would like you to meet Alastor Moody. Alastor, Sirius Black."

The man beside Mr. Lupin wasn't overly tall. He had long gray hair streaked with hints of brown, and a face that the generous would call "interesting" and the honest would call "quite ugly." He wasn't a tall or well-built man, and he eyed Sirius with the most intrusive, scrutinizing gaze Sirius had ever experienced. "So you're Black, eh? Well, we'll see boy. We'll see. Dumbldore speaks highly of you."

"Thank you... sir?" he tried. Behind Moody, Mr. Lupin nodded slightly.

"Spoke with Marshbanks. Said you scored high on the Defense Against the Dark Arts exams and the Charms. Didn't know about your potions."

This was all news to Sirius. "Thank you."

"Dumbledore's not often wrong," Moody continued. "But we'll see. Maybe. Nice to have met you, lad."

"Yeah. Nice to meet you, too."

Moody clapped Mr. Lupin on the arm. "I think we'll be seeing you soon, Damien, from what Fudge tells me. Welcome back."

A smile spread over Damien Lupin's face. "Thanks, Alastor."

"I'll be saying my goodbyes, then. Can't linger here too long." Sirius and Damien watched him walk away.

"That was Alastor Moody," Mr. Lupin said awkwardly into the silence. "He's an excellent Auror."

"I've heard of him," Sirius ventured. "Are you going to become an Auror again, sir?"

"It sounds like it," Mr. Lupin said with a smile. "And it sounds like you might, as well."

"I've applied."

"I think you'll be accepted." Mr. Lupin handed him a small package. "This is for you. Congratulations on your graduation."

"Thank you," Sirius said, surprised. He was even more surprised when he opened it. "A book on motorcycle engines..."

Mr. Lupin cleared his throat. "Remus tells me you're interested in them."

"Yeah..." Sirius was flipping through the pages.

"I also thought that... Remus said you wanted to get one?" Sirius's head shot up. "If you want someone to go with you, help see you get a fair deal and look at it with an experienced eye... I'll go." Mr. Lupin fidgeted as he said the last two words.

"Really?" Sirius looked across the grounds, his eyes finding Remus very quickly. "I'd like that, sir."

Mr. Lupin followed Sirius's gaze. "Yeah. I'd like it too."

***

Remus watched his father talking to Sirius, a small smile playing on his lips. His father hadn't said much about Sirius in the past year and a half- at least not in Remus's hearing- but for some reason he was desperate to see the animosity fade. He was too realistic to think it would ever completely disappear, but optimistic enough to hope.

"Mr. Lupin. May I interrupt?"

Remus smiled in greeting. "Headmaster."

Dumbledore turned to the man standing beside him. He was a short, plump man with wild gray hair, glasses, and huge eyes that were even greener than Lily's. "Caradoc, this is Remus Lupin. Remus, this is Caradoc Dearborn."

"This is the werewolf, then?" Caradoc said. Remus winced, but Caradoc didn't notice. In fact, his eyes were fixed intensely on Remus as he walked around him, sizing him up. Remus had to bite down on the urge to swat at him. "He isn't at all what I would have expected," Caradoc told Dumbledore. "Skinny thing. Does he eat much?"

"I assure you that there is nothing wrong with Mr. Lupin's hearing or speech facilities," Dumbledore said, winking at Remus, who wasn't really overly reassured. "Ask him."

"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, it is terribly rude of me, I suppose!" He extended his hand and Remus took it tentatively. "Yes. Yes, you do feel like a normal person, don't you? Yes. This isn't quite as odd as I was expecting. Like Albus said, I'm Caradoc Dearborn. I'm a research wizard; I'm currently researching some fascinating magical creatures in Britain. Only the volume of work has gotten such that I desperately need an assistant. Albus tells me that you have an interest in magical creatures?"

"Yes sir," Remus said carefully, his stomach fluttering.

"Dark creatures as well?"

"All creatures, really."

"Well, that's certainly not a surprise, given your, shall we say, alter ego? Yes, I guess one would expect you to be interested in Dark Creatures."

"Um," was about the most intelligent comment Remus felt he could make.

"It's really quite fascinating," Caradoc continued. He began circling Remus again until Dumbledore stopped him with a discreet hand. "There are these creatures known as quintapeds. You've heard of them, surely. They live off the Isle of Drear and are very dangerous carnivores."

"They eat humans, don't they?" Remus asked.

"Yes! I knew you would know! Bright boy, Dumbledore. But that's not the most fascinating thing. What becomes truly fascinating is their resistance to study. The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures- I'm sure you know a lot of people there- has tried to study them for years, without success. But I've received a rather sizable grant to attempt it!"

"Caradoc was one of the principle investigators in studying the behavior of kappas," Dumbledore told Remus. "He also studies grindylows, mokes, and malaclaws."

"So you focus largely on reptilian or amphibious creatures?" Remus asked.

"Yes, yes. Oh, this will work out fine! You do seem very bright, and Albus does speak so highly of you, and you're not at all what I was expecting! I can't pay you very much, of course. Research is only profitable once you've discovered something that people can sell. Sad, very sad, but sadly true. But if you'd like to work for me, I would be delighted to have you."

"You're offering me a job?" Remus said incredulously.

"Well, yes!" Caradoc seemed taken aback. "Of course!"

Remus looked to the Headmaster, who was watching him with serious eyes.

"Caradoc is a very respected research wizard, and he is also a member of the Order," Dumbledore confirmed.

Remus bit his tongue in concentration, and then extended his hand again. "Mr. Dearborn, I'd be delighted to accept."

Caradoc shook his hand enthusiastically. "Excellent! Well then, I shall expect you in my office- Dumbledore can give you the directions, he's so much better at it than I- a week from Monday, shall we say? Excellent. It was wonderful to meet you, I look forward to working with you, and I must be off now. I saw Alastor Moody was here and I must speak with him. A week from Monday." He inclined his head to Dumbledore and hurried away.

"Should I expect that he'll be taking notes on me, too?" Remus asked. "He seems to have a bit of a liking for dangerous creatures as well."

"I think you will make an excellent laboratory bunny, as well as assistant," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. "Caradoc will keep you posted on the meetings for the Order, and additionally, I have asked that he allow you to be free on Tuesday nights, when you can return to Hogwarts to continue our lessons."

"Yes, sir."

"Caradoc is a good man, Remus. Everything is a curiosity to him, humans included. And I dare say he may be right about that. Congratulations." Dumbledore smiled and drifted away.

"What was that all about?" His mother had been watching them.

He smiled. "I have a job."

***

Sirius pounded up the stairs to the boys' dormitory. "It's just a pajama top," he called back down. "It won't take me long!"

"Well tell James to hurry up while you're up there!" Mrs. Potter shouted up.

James was up here? Sirius burst into the room to find James sitting on his bed. "Prongs?"

"I was sure I left it here," James said, his voice thick. He was staring at the covers crumpled in his lap. "My left shoe. And Wormtail's searching the bathroom for his toothbrush."

"I left my pajama top," Sirius admitted.

"I forgot my favorite pair of socks," Remus said from the doorway.

At the sound of voices, Peter had emerged from the bathroom. "Who'd have known we'd all be so forgetful?" He laughed, but the laughter was brittle and forced.

It hit Sirius with the force of a stunner, and judging from the stricken expressions, the others felt it too.

"There's no socks."

"No toothbrush."

"No pajama top."

"No left shoe."

"I just wanted to say goodbye one more time," Remus confessed.

"Me too. Stupid, isn't it? We'll see each other. All the time," Peter said hopefully.

"Order meetings," Sirius suggested.

"Nights out," James said. "And full moons." Sirius didn't miss Remus's look of gratitude.

"Come on, we're wizards. How hard is it for us to see each other?" Sirius said impatiently.

"Right."

"Right."

"So it's not the end," Peter said.

"And it's not goodbye," Remus confirmed.

"It's just a new beginning," James added.

"Right. Just a new beginning," Sirius insisted.

But each of them knew it was an ending, too.

***

"Well," Marilyn sighed, looking about, "I think that's everything."

"I told you it wouldn't take long," Remus said, looking around the bedsit.

His new place was furnished but tiny, just one room and a bathroom. There was a small kitchen are separated from the living area with a bar, an iron cot with a dilapidated mattress, a sofa, and a desk. They'd attempted to brighten the place up with cheerful curtains and a new rug on the bed, but the worn carpets, the stains on the furniture and the splotches on the walls were still obvious. From his window, Remus could see the alley below them, strewn with garbage and dotted with puddles of water. But it was his place- his first place- and that meant the world.

"Really," his mother continued, running her hand over the desk, "it's no worse than I had when I was at University as a graduate student. And I didn't have any magic to help make things more comfortable."

"Mum, I'll be fine." Remus was longing for her to leave, to let him enjoy his first night in His Flat. The words sounded so foreign, and so exciting at the same time. His Flat.

"You start work Monday?"

"Yes."

"Are the others coming over tonight?"

"Yeah. In time for dinner." He tried to infuse the words with the deeper meaning of I love you, Mum, but please... GO AWAY. It didn't work.

"Is Sirius coming?"

"Once he and Dad get back, yeah."

"Is he staying the night?"

Remus had the sudden funny feeling that he was tap-dancing on thin ice. "He might. It depends on how much we drink. He can't Apparate home if he's drunk, and I don't have a Floo here, and-"

"That's not what I'm asking Remus, and you know it."

He picked up a quill off his desk and fiddled with it, not looking at her. "Why else would he spend the night?" His mother didn't need words to answer the question; not with that particular expression. He sighed. "No. He's not spending the night." This was only true because Remus had yet to ask him.

"Good," his mother declared. "You're still too young for that."

"Mum, I'm almost eighteen."

"Exactly."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I am an adult, you know. I can make my own decisions."

"I never said you couldn't." Marilyn settled on his sofa. "I just want you to be very, very sure about those decisions." She patted the seat beside her. "So what exactly is going on with you two, anyway?"

He shrugged and sat down. "It's nothing serious... not like James and Lily or anything. We're just...." He had to let the sentence peter out because there was no way he could finish it in front of his mother. "Mum?"

"Yes?"

"Do you like Sirius?"

She thought about it. "I worry," she finally said, choosing her words carefully. "Sirius doesn't always think things through, and you've been hurt by that before."

"Yeah. But... do you like him?"

She softened and smiled. "Yes Remus. Very much."

"Does Dad?"

His mother laughed dryly. "Your father is slowly accepting Sirius again. But it might not be the best idea to let him know he's your... boyfriend?"

Remus scrunched his nose. "Don't call him that. It sounds so poncey."

She snorted. "Right, dear. There's one other thing, though."

"What's that?"

"Sirius wants to be an Auror. You know how the Aurors feel about associating with werewolves."

"Sirius doesn't care about that," Remus said, lifting his chin.

"He might not. The Aurors might, if they figure out what your relationship is. It could come down to you or the job."

Remus shook his head. "It's not going to go that far, Mum," he insisted. "It's not that serious. Really."

"If you say so."

"I say so." Remus looked down at his quill again. "After all- AH! Dad!"

Damien Lupin had appeared suddenly right in front of them with a loud crack. "You've got to come see it," he said, eyes shining with excitement.

"See what?" Marilyn asked.

"Come on. You've both got to see it. Come on!" Like a child, he grabbed his wife and son's hands and pulled them to their feet. "It's bloody brilliant is what it is. Come on!"

"All right, all right. We're coming!" Marilyn and Remus exchanged glances and rolled their eyes at each other in perfect understanding.

"It" was waiting outside: a huge, sleek, powerful black motorbike. Sirius was leaning against it, smiling slyly at them as they came out of the building. He was wearing his black leather jacket over his jeans and t-shirt, his boots, and the studded black dog collar Remus had given him. His black hair glinted in the dying light of day, and Remus wanted nothing more than to ravish him right then and there. He couldn't speak around his closed throat; he could only gape at the sight.

"Like it, Moony?" Sirius asked, his lips curving in a sensuous smile.

"Oh good God..." Remus breathed.

"Remus, dear, pull yourself together," his mother whispered in his ear.

"Your dad helped me get it," Sirius was saying, pretending to be oblivious to Remus's stupor but winking at the obvious. "It's used, but it's in great shape. A wizard owned it before hand and he put in a flying charm, and some anti-crash charms as well."

"Excellent," Remus croaked.

Sirius's smile deepened into a leer. "Want to go for a ride?"

There was no hesitation whatsoever. "Yes."

Sirius held out his hand, and in a dream Remus threw his leg over the bike. "I'll have him back in a little bit, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin."

"No," Marilyn said, her cheeks red with high color. "That's fine. You boys have a good night, and we'll see you another night."

"But-" Remus's father protested.

"Damien, you can see the bike another night. Let's go."

"All right. Be careful." He waved, and Sirius was on the bike, Remus's arms wrapped around his waist.

Remus had never felt less like being careful in his life.

***

"Stay the night?" Remus shouted over the rushing air and the hair that flew back against his face as they soared over London.

"I would," Sirius shouted back, "but James is going to want to know why I won't come home with him."

"Bugger James."

"I'd rather bugger you."

"Funny."

"Like you weren't thinking the exact same thing."

"Well, yes," Remus admitted.

"My flat," Sirius said. "Then."

Remus tightened his arms around Sirius's waist and smiled.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Given any more thought to the whole more than once thing?"

"Have you?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah you've given it more thought, or yeah more than once?"

"Both."

Remus's stomach rolled over. "I haven't thought much about it," he lied.

"Okay."

"You sure?" He wished he could see Sirius's face.

"Yeah. 'Sfine, Moony." Sirius turned just enough that Sirius could see his expression in profile. "I'll just have to make it worth considering."

His smile was wolfish, but Remus noticed that it wasn't reflected in his eyes.

"Guess we should be getting back. I need to get Prongs, and Wormtail will be over soon."

"Yeah. Sirius...?"

"Yeah?"

Remus felt the words whip away with the wind. "No. Nothing."

***

Summer had only been stretched for a week and a half, and already the time felt interminable. Sirius didn't think it ever could, but here in the Potters' house he felt imprisoned in limbo. Riding his new bike home from Remus's new flat (the tiny little rathole that it was) only emphasized that the Potters' place was as much a cage as a sanctuary. The restlessness made him prowl, searching for some sort of distraction that wasn't too obvious.

"What is this?" Sirius asked, pulling a dark red box from the closet.

Mr. Potter looked up from his paper. "Scrabble!" he said enthusiastically. "You boys will like that!"

"Scrabble?"

"It's a word game. It's not hard to learn. It's fantastic."

"Let me remind you that my father is a writer," James put in dryly. "His idea of a good time is a spelling bee."

"It's a Muggle game," Mr. Potter said, eyeing Sirius with a sly gaze.

Muggle, the magic word where Sirius was concerned these days. "Great. Mind if we borrow it?"

"Not at all!"

Sirius tucked the box under his arm. "Ready, James?"

"Yeah."

"Wait a minute," Mrs. Potter came out of the kitchen, catching them on the way out the door. "Where are you going?"

"We're going over to Remus's," James said.

"Who will be there?"

"The four of us."

"The four of us being...?"

James rolled his eyes. "Sirius, Peter, Remus, and I."

"What will you be doing?"

"Playing Scrabble," Sirius said, holding up the box.

"What time will you be home?"

"Mum! Enough with the Spanish Inquisition, okay?" James shot back. "We're eighteen-"

"And as long as you're living under this roof you'll both answer to our rules," Mrs. Potter reminded her son firmly. "What time will you be back?"

"No later than one," James sighed heavily.

"All right then. We'll see you later." She kissed both of them on the cheek and then shooed them out the door.

"No offense Prongs, but as soon as I know if they're taking me, I'm getting my own flat," Sirius growled. "Your mother is going to drive me insane."

"I'm surprised you've waited this long," James agreed as he climbed on the Sirius's bike.

Sirius shrugged. "It's not that bad," he said. "Once I know if I'm in... I have the tests in two days, so we'll find out then."

"Yeah," James said. They were flying now, James's arms around Sirius's waist. Funny how he could tell the difference between James's arms and Remus's, without even looking. He'd never tell anyone, but he liked James's arms around him, in a very different way. James was comfort and warmth, and although Sirius would never admit it he felt safe with James.

There was something of Hogwarts in the air as Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus sat around in Remus's flat. Scrabble failed to hold James and Peter's attention, and they amused themselves drinking beers and playing a game they invented that James dubbed Smoke Alarm. The game involved bouncing a ball as hard as they could and seeing who could make it hit the small Muggle smoke alarm on the ceiling, making it beep in warning. Sirius and Remus battled wits out on the floor, evading the bouncing ball and protecting the board from annihilation. The booze and the knowledge that this was Remus's place made them feel grown up, even if the games and the loose, casual atmosphere made it feel like nothing had changed.

"So how's your job going, Remus?" Peter asked.

"Not bad," Remus admitted. "Actually, I really like it, although Caradoc's a bit of a nutter. Have you guys met him yet?"

"No," James said, bouncing the ball and missing the smoke alarm by a good two feet. "But Dumbledore mentioned us all being at an Order meeting next month. We'll meet him then, right?"

"Yeah. Be prepared for him to- Sirius! Exene is not a word!"

"Yes it is."

"Oh yeah? Use it in a sentence."

"Your anger is exene, as I have done nothing to merit it."

"You're cheating!"

With a heavy sigh, Sirius removed the tiles from the board. "You should be nice to me," he said mournfully. "I'm going away in two days for two whole weeks."

"Auror stuff?" Peter asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, carefully watching Remus's eyes. "Gone for two weeks." Remus looked down at the Scrabble pieces, playing with them listlessly. "Will you guys miss me?"

James snorted and Peter muttered an affirmative, but Remus only looked at him with lost, sad eyes that he tried to hide. At first Sirius felt vindicated, but as the evening wore on Remus got quieter.

"What's wrong?" he asked Remus later.

"You know," Remus muttered. "You knew when you said you'd be gone two weeks."

"So you will miss me," Sirius teased, nudging Remus's shoulder with his own.

Remus flushed red. "Maybe. But there's more."

"What is it?"

"You haven't guessed?"

"No, I leave divination to Wormtail," Sirius laughed.

"Pads, my father was an Auror for ten years before he was demoted. And they're only now allowing him back in."

"You think the same thing is going to happen to me? They won't let me be an Auror because we're..."

"I think they're not going to let you be an Auror because we're friends. Never mind the rest of it."

"Listen," Sirius said, slipping his arm around Remus's shoulders and glancing over his shoulder to make sure James and Peter were occupied. "They already know we're friends, and they're testing me anyway. As for the rest of it, I don't exactly plan on announcing it to the Ministry of Magic when I finally end up buggering you."

Remus laughed, and relaxed slightly. "If you say so," he said. "Then in that case, yes. I will miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

***

It wasn't just Remus that Sirius missed. Two weeks of testing had sounded fun and exciting when the letter had arrived, but once he was actually at the Ministry of Magic they were intense and grueling. Long hours of questions and answers, both academic and personal. Extremely personal, about his habits, his friends, and his family. Questions about Remus, questions about his parents, questions about why he'd run away from home and why he'd run to the Potters... Sirius was ready to shout at them all to mind their own business. There were magical exercises and examinations that were harder than N.E.W.T.s had ever been. Names and faces thrown at him, lessons to be quickly memorized and recited, and a narrow iron bed that he collapsed into each night for a few hours' sleep. For the first time, Sirius wished he wasn't the only one from his group choosing this path.

Two other people were being tested at the same time as he was. One was a woman who was three years older than him named Alice Fenwick. She had a soft, round face and a gentle smile, but Sirius quickly learned that her appearance was deceptive and her hexes carried more power than his ever had. The other was a thin man his own age from Ravenclaw; Sirius never did learn his name, and he disappeared after two days.

He tried to write letters, but was too tired at the end of the day to put quill to paper. He did receive two: an excited blotched letter from James telling him he had been signed on by the Wimborne Wasps, and a meandering letter from Remus. The letter from Remus talked mainly about his work and Peter's job at Mr. Pettigrew's old place of employment. It said nothing in substance and everything between the lines, and the night he got those two letters was the closest Sirius came to just packing up and quitting.

It was worth it, he told himself, as he sat alone and nervous in a room at the end of the two weeks, waiting for what he knew was a decision. It was worth it, it would be worth it, and this was what he wanted to do. It would happen. It had to.

The door opened. Sirius, who had been lounging with his feet on the desk and dozing off, looked up sharply as Moody entered.

"Well?" he asked.

Moody cracked a grin. "You have two days before your training begins, laddie. Better get home and get some rest."

"Thank you, sir," Sirius said. He could barely contain the whoop threatening to escape him.

"Don't thank me, Black," Moody replied. "Are you scared?"

"What?" Sirius scoffed. "No."

"Well, you'd better be. You'd better be."

***

Sirius opened the door to the Potters' house, not at all surprised to see James sitting on the stairs.

"Well?" James asked, tense and excited.

"I'm in," Sirius announced.

James leapt off the stairs, letting out a whoop. "I knew it, Padfoot! I knew they'd take you. It's finally all happening. Wormtail's concocting his chocolates, Moony's actually got a job, Lily's been accepted by the healers, I'm signed on to the Wasps, and you're going to be an Auror. It's all going to happen!"

Sirius laughed with him. "It is," he declared. "Before you know it, we'll have taken over the world!"

"We should celebrate," James declared. "We should go out and have drinks, and do whatever. Get out of here."

"We should," Sirius agreed. "And tomorrow, I should find a flat."

James stilled, and behind the glasses Sirius could see the anxiety he felt when James looked at Lily and disappeared on Friday nights.

"Right," James said, his smile only slightly forced. "I'll help you look."

***

Sirius, James, and Peter were already there by the time Remus rushed in, sunburned and disheveled. "Sorry," he gasped as he sat down, taking a grateful gulp of the water Peter pushed at him. "We were down in Cornwall looking at malaclaws. It's pretty fascinating- they look so much like lobsters, but-"

"You weren't bitten by any chance, were you Moony?" Peter asked.

"No. Why?"

"So much for that poker idea."

"Like I'd play against a Divination expert like yourself," Remus shot back, rolling his eyes. "So? Sirius?"

Sirius grinned, a slow, lazy smile that set Remus's heart going at an odd pace. "What do you think, Moony? Do they have sense?"

"No," Remus sighed, settling next to Sirius. "If they did, they'd be running for the hills, and with that grin they had to have taken you."

"Too right," Sirius said, draping a casual arm around Remus and giving him a half-hug in greeting. Remus leaned in, just a little to say hello. He knew it had only been two weeks since they'd seen each other, but Sirius looked different some how. Something about the set of his jaw or the tilt of his smile... it was as if he'd aged a few years in two weeks, and the effect was good.

Very good.

And if the appreciation in Sirius's eyes was anything to go by, Remus looked good too.

"Did they ask you about me?" Remus asked.

"A bit. They asked me about all three of you. And despite knowing that I'm friends with three of the biggest troublemakers in the history of Hogwarts, they took me on with open arms. It's fine, Moony."

The look Sirius gave him was half reassurance, half undisguised lust. Remus was willing to bet galleons that Sirius would have his flat by the end of the week.

***

A place to live wasn't hard to find in London... not in theory. Thanks to his great-uncle Sirius had plenty of money, and distance from the Ministry wasn't an issue when you had an Apparation License. But Sirius was practical enough that he wanted to keep the cost down, and there were other things to consider. Like two bedrooms, and a place to park his motorcycle. And someplace that, if pressed, could be reinforced with silencing charms and other wards.

"Why such a big place, Sirius?" James exclaimed tiredly, after they left the eleventh flat.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced away. "Moony."

"Good call," James nodded appreciatively. "One of these days his landlord's going to cotton on to what he is."

That wasn't what Sirius meant, but it was close enough.

"So are you going to get a flat sometime soon?" he asked James.

"Nah. Not yet. Saving up a bit, y'know?"

"Wormtail is too."

"That's what Wormtail says he's doing," James said darkly. "I don't think it's the real reason."

"Mother and sisters again?"

"Yeah. Hey, listen. I've got to get over to training. See you at home tonight?"

"Sounds good." Sirius waved him off.

He wondered if he should have told James the truth about how he felt about Remus right then and there, but then the next logical question would have been did Remus feel the same way, and that was something he couldn't discuss without Remus's permission. At least, that was one reason for keeping his mouth shut.

He found a flat. It was the fourteenth one he looked at, and it was absolutely perfect. Two bedrooms, a small building with wizarding tenants, a storage shed for his bike... everything he wanted.

It was a load off his shoulders as he signed the lease and handed over his deposit. He felt free... at ease with the world. An Auror-in-training and a flat to come home to; now Sirius knew what Remus had meant when he'd looked at the tiny bedsit and said he felt like somebody.

It might not be much, but it was a start. And a start was all that Sirius needed.

***

"So this is it, huh?" James asked, looking around the flat. "Nice."

"Want the grand tour?" Sirius asked.

"The others should be here soon, shouldn't they?"

On cue, Peter stumbled out of the fireplace. "Am I the first?" he asked excitedly, brushing off his robes.

"Nope. Prongs is here."

"No, I meant the first to Floo in."

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, you are! My first Floo guest! Welcome, Mr. Wormtail, to my humble abode."

Peter looked around the empty room with the large windows and whistled appreciatively. "This must be costing you a packet."

"Not really. It's not in the best section of town and it's old. But..." Sirius shrugged, trying not to show how pleased he was with the place regardless.

"Better than the hole Moony's living in," Peter muttered.

Sirius and James exchanged glances. It wasn't that Peter was wrong, it was just they wished he wasn't right.

The doorbell rang and Sirius sprinted to answer it, smiling when the door opened to reveal a damp Remus.

"I should have known it would rain today," Remus said, running a hand through his shaggy hair and splattering water droplets. "You always have to make things difficult, don't you?"

"Hey, I don't control the weather!" Sirius protested good-naturedly. "C'mon in."

"Thanks." Remus stepped in and dropped a small duffle bag to the floor. Sirius's heart lurched into his throat as his eyes fixed on that inconspicuous bag.

"You're staying the night then?" he asked with fake casualness.

"If that's all right."

"Sure." He glanced back at the living room, decided that James and Peter were too near by, and settled for a quick smile in lieu of a kiss. "Sounds great."

Remus smiled back, and then turned his attention to the place. "So, let's see it."

"James and Peter are in the living room," Sirius explained, leading Remus. "I love saying that. The living room."

"Show off," Remus muttered, but Sirius was relieved to hear it was good natured.

The flat was perfect, all four of them agreed. As Sirius has advertised it was old, with unreliable fixtures and old-fashioned radiators, but the huge windows in the living room, the large kitchen, and the shelving built into the walls of the second bedroom made it worth it. The floors weren't carpeted but shone with a rich hardwood, and the cracks in the plaster could easily be covered by Quidditch posters or even a simple coat of paint.

"I'm not sure I want Lily to see this place," James said as they finished their tour. "She might expect something similar."

Remus, Sirius, and Peter all stared at him.

"James?" Peter began hesitantly. "Are you...?"

"Did you...?" Remus attempted.

"Are you going to...?" Sirius choked.

None of them could quite say the words.

James turned red and stuck his hands in his pockets. "No, not really. Not yet. We've sort of talked about the idea of maybe getting married one day, and I guess I'd kind of like to, but..."

Sirius found his voice again. "We've just graduated," he pointed out. "And you've just been signed with the Wasps. You don't want to get married right now, do you?"

"No! I guess it's just one of those things... I mean, we did talk about it a little at Hogwarts, because we wanted to stay in the same area..." James walked over and looked out the window. "I just kind of wanted the reassurance, you know? That she'd be there?"

Sirius knew exactly what he meant.

"So you're not getting married," Peter confirmed.

"Not right now, no. Look, aren't we supposed to be moving Padfoot in? Let's get back to my parents' and get his stuff, shall we?" James was flushed and annoyed.

Moving in the magic world might not be as much physical effort as it was for Muggles, but it was still an exhausting task. Sirius hadn't thought he'd had much, but with his schoolbooks, his clothing, and the furniture the Potters and the Lupins had helped him find second-hand, as well as his motorbike, there was a lot to move. Dishes and kitchen implements, books he'd acquired, towels and linens and chessboard and broomstick... when had he gathered so much stuff? And then shelves had to be covered with paper (at Mrs. Potter's and Mrs. Lupin's separate insistences), furniture had to be reassembled, and things had to be put away. By the time they were finished they were starving and ready for supper.

"Padfoot," James asked as he, James and Peter sat around with boxes of takeaway fish and chips while Remus took the last shower. "This might sound like a strange question, but why are you reading the dictionary?"

"Moony's going to stay after you guys go, Sirius said, taking a swallow of beer. "I'm planning on kicking his arse at Scrabble."

"Such an exciting social life you two have," James said dryly.

"Obviously, you've never played Scrabble with Remus."

"I've seen you two at it. It's terrifying," James said. "I stay out of it. Where are you and Tina going tonight, Wormtail?"

"Just out for a drink at the Leaky Cauldron. We're meeting some friends of hers." Peter glanced at his watch. "Actually, I should get going. Tell Remus I said goodbye."

"I should go too," James said as Sirius began to set up the Scrabble board. "I really don't want to be here for the bloodbath."

"Yeah. Hey James?"

"Yeah?"

Sirius studied the board. "You'll tell us, won't you? If you ask Lily..."

James clasped Sirius's shoulder. "Sirius, you'll know before she does. I promise you that."

Sirius grinned up at him, and James flashed a mock salute back. "Better get going," Sirius suggested, hearing the water shut off. "Bloodbath is scheduled to begin soon."

"Okay. I'll see you guys both later." James stepped into the fireplace and disappeared.

In the quiet of the apartment, Sirius could actually feel the air thicken with expectation. He set the board up in the middle of the floor, and on impulse he summoned a few candles. The lights dimmed and the candlelight made the flat look exotic as the rain beat down on against the dark panel of the windows. Just looking at the room made Sirius's stomach squirm pleasantly in anticipation.

"Hey," Remus said, coming up behind him. "Where are James and Peter?"

"They had to go," he answered, his voice sounding hoarse in his ears as he turned to face Remus. Right now, in the dim, unfamiliar light with the promise of the evening, Remus looked good. Beyond good. He was freshly showered and shaved, and wearing a pair of faded jeans and a red t-shirt. His hair was still slightly damp, the strands hanging down across his forehead in a disheveled manner that made him look more reckless than usual, emphasized by the intensity in his eyes and the flash of brown leather at his throat. Sirius swallowed hard. They'd been waiting for this moment for so long that it didn't quite seem real that it was here.

"What's all this, then?" Remus asked, looking at the living room.

"I thought you might like a game of Scrabble."

Remus arched one eyebrow and smiled. "Scrabble? I could be convinced." He sat on the floor, folding his legs beneath him as he drew his tiles and fiddled with them.

"Do you want something to drink?" Sirius asked awkwardly, tearing his eyes away. "Beer, water, firewhiskey?"

"Firewhiskey, please. A rather large one."

Sirius poured the drink, grabbed a beer for himself, and came over to settle by the board. He handed Remus the glass, and Remus's fingers lingered on his as he took it. A jolt shot through his arm and up his spine at the touch of Remus's hand, and a part of Sirius wondered why they were even bothering to play a game and not heading straight for bed. Nerves perhaps. Nerves... and this was a seduction, or the culmination of one. Sirius just wasn't sure who was being seduced.

Remus took a deep swallow of the firewhiskey, and then laid down his opening tiles to form the word "novel". "Scrabble as foreplay. How novel."

"Only you would use that definition of novel," Sirius grumbled as he consulted his tiles. "Want an O? Oh, wait... booze, off your E. As in 'You won't get too drunk drinking booze, will you?'"

Remus smiled, and immediately rearranged his tiles. "This will work. Bottom." He laid them down very deliberately. "I'll be fine. But it's best to be a little drunk if you bottom, so I've been told."

Ohgodohgodohgod...

Sirius took a deep breath. They were three words in and already the points didn't matter. "Top," he spelled carefully. "Are you sure you want me to top?"

"You really do have a lot of O's," Remus muttered, taking another deep sip from his glass. He put his tiles down on the V in novel to spell "vary." "Very sure."

"That's not the right spelling," Sirius pointed out.

"I don't have an E. Your turn."

Sirius looked at his tiles and then carefully began laying them down, starting with the last letter. First the S, then the I, then the N, and then the E, right off the P in "top."

Remus began to laugh. "That is so juvenile...."

"That's the letters I had," Sirius insisted.

"All right," Remus said, gesturing with his drink. "You know the rule. Use it in a sentence."

Sirius finished his beer before answering. "I've been thinking about you all day. I've been thinking about your lips, your hands, your arse, you eyes, and your penis."

Remus's eyes fastened on his. "Same here," he said in a hoarse voice that bypassed Sirius's ears and went straight to his groin. Sirius was about to reach out and touch Remus's face when Remus lowered his gaze and began laying out tiles.

"Tease," he admitted, placing the letters off the S Sirius had just placed on the board. "As in, being around you is a tease. Touching just your hand is a tease. Wanting to kiss you and having you right across the board is a tease. You are a tease."

Sirius grinned. "Yes I am. Tongue, off your T. I want your tongue on me, tracing circles against my hip."

"Rib, off the R in vary. I would do that. I would start at your throat, at that collar you're wearing, and then kiss down the breastbone and around your ribs. Then I would drag my tongue down to your hip, but I wouldn't stop there."

"Neck, of the N in novel. I love how your neck is sensitive, and the way you moan when I kiss there. I'm having a hard time not leaning over and doing it, just to hear you gasp and to have your body collapse against mine."

"Cheek, off the K. Your cheek against mine, or against my chest, or against my thigh, or against my back as you press into me from behind."

"Oh God. Um, light, of the G in tongue. You look good in the candlelight." Sirius said it with perfect and simple sincerity. "We should take the candles into the bedroom, so I can see you naked in that light and watch it play over your hair as I slowly fuck you until we're both trembling with it."

"Eerie, off the E in cheek. That's eerie. I was just thinking the same thing."

"Last, off the T in bottom. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last."

"Bed, off the E in eerie. Bed?"

"Yes." Sirius lay down the final tiles and stood up. "Let's go."

Remus knocked back the last of his whiskey and let Sirius pull him to his feet. He overbalanced and Sirius caught him, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his own body close. He ducked his head and found Remus's hungry, eager lips meeting his, sweeping him up in a passion that Sirius never wanted to run from again.

"This isn't helping us get to bed," he gasped when they broke the kiss. He took Remus's hand, gently but insistently leading him into the bedroom, where the bed stood neatly made with blue cotton sheets. One candle had followed them at a wave of Sirius's wand, and the soft, dim light left them in soft relief to the darkness behind them.

They looked at each other, hesitant now that the bed was there in plain sight. But there was no going back, Sirius thought. Not now that they were here- and not that he would, anyway. He lifted his hands to his throat and began undoing buttons.

"Let me," Remus whispered, laying his hands over Sirius's. His fingers were clumsy as they unfastened Sirius's shirt, but it didn't matter. Not with Remus standing so close, his shaky breath drifting over the skin that was slowly exposed, his eyes- amber and intense- staring at Sirius's chest. Sirius wormed his own hands under Remus's shirt, running his palms over the warm skin underneath. They tried to slip the shirts off at the same time and tangled in fabric, leaving Sirius snorting with laughter that died as Remus's hands moved to the flies of his jeans.

Sirius had of course undone jeans before, but it was different with Remus's hands eagerly undoing the button and sliding the zipper. Different with Remus's lips moving against his neck, Remus's hips under his hands, Remus's hands pushing denim and boxers down his legs. Sirius kicked out of his jeans, and then he was naked and Remus's eyes were fixed on him, devouring him.

It was strange to be naked in front of Remus like this, and for the first time Sirius knew what it felt like to be insecure about his body. He smiled shyly at Remus, who grinned back and reached up to caress Sirius's face with a soft, tender touch.

"You're amazing," he whispered, nuzzling Sirius's neck, his breath hot against Sirius's ear. "You have no idea how much I want you."

"I might," Sirius responded. "I've wanted you since Christmas." He undid Remus's jeans with shaking hands.

Remus's body was thinner than his own, wiry and lean and almost fragile. He let his hands run over thighs and calves as he guided the jeans downward, molding those legs with his palms. And when the fabric was gone and Remus stood in front of him, both of them staring at each other, it was as if all defenses were gone as well. They had barely touched each other, and yet Sirius felt as if he had never been more intimate with someone in his life.

He reached for Remus at the same time that Remus reached for him, pressing body to body and skin to skin, and it was all tongues and lips and hands running over limbs and backs. Hot, gasping breaths against his neck, Remus's body writhing against his, and sensation darting from nerve to nerve, like electricity along a spider-web of veins, controlled and dictated by Remus's touch.

He guided Remus to the bed, pushing him down on his back and kneeling beside him. Remus smiled, but the smile was lost in closed eyes and parted lips when Sirius's fingers gently began to trace him. His back arched under the gentle onslaught, responding to Sirius's touch enthusiastically. Sirius knelt over him, watching his own hand outline veins and ridges as he learned this new territory.

Remus's hand crept to Sirius's thigh, lingering there for a long moment, teasing. Sirius moaned, and the hand ran obediently down his length. Sirius had to stop everything, frozen in shock at the intensity of the sensation.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, his hand stilled.

"No. You stopped. Oh God, do that again."

"This is good?"

"Good is a ridicu- why do you keep stopping?"

"We still have unfinished business," Remus reminded him, eyes glinting in the dim light as his hand returned to Sirius's thigh. "You're not coming yet."

"No. I won't for a while- I had a wank in the shower just so I- what are you laughing at?"

Remus stifled his laughter. "It's just that great minds think alike," he confessed.

"You wanked in my shower?" Sirius said incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"Show me how?" Sirius asked, surprising himself.

"You were doing pretty well on your own," Remus said, thrusting up against him again. "You could continue."

"I could do that," Sirius agreed, wrapping his hand around Remus again and beginning to stroke. "Or I could do other things."

"Like...?" Remus whispered.

Sirius kept stroking and lay down, cradling Remus's body against his own as his lips sought Remus's neck. "You mentioned something else. Are you still up for it?"

Remus groaned. "I thought you'd never ask." He pressed against Sirius. "The only problem is you have to move, and-" he gasped as Sirius's fingers caressed a particularly sensitive area- "I don't want you to do that."

"I'll make it worth your while." Sirius backed himself up and rummaged through the night stand for the jar of lubricant he'd put there. He was nearly distracted from the task at hand by Remus turning over onto his stomach, revealing a view Sirius had yet to see. "Moony..."

"What?" Remus asked, laying his cheek on folded arms and looking at him.

It was the look in his eyes that undid Sirius. Complete and utter trust. No one- absolutely no one- had ever looked at him like that before. "You're beautiful."

Remus blushed, and twisted to sit up and kiss Sirius. Just a soft, gentle kiss of gratitude before he stretched back out again on his stomach, snaring a pillow and propping it under his hips then folding his arms under his head. "Are you ready?" he asked, a tremor evident in his voice.

Sirius crawled forward, his body slowly aligning with Remus's. "I should be asking you that," he whispered in Remus's ear.

Remus nodded. "I'm ready."

He had to back up again to guide himself in. He entered slowly, eyes closed against the pure pleasure that coursed through him until Remus made a noise. It wasn't a loud noise, just a little whimper. But he knew it. Pain.

"Remus?"

"It's supposed to hurt, Sirius. Keep going."

"Are you sure?"

Remus nodded. Sirius could only see his face in profile, but it was enough to tell that Remus was serious. He eased his body down, his chest against Remus's back, and kissed him on the cheek gently as he pushed in further. It was good- no, it was beyond good into unbelievable, but there was that whimper again.

"Keep going," Remus hissed through clenched teeth.

"All right." Sirius was in far enough that he could lay down now, the whole of his weight on Remus. Remus under him, slender and close, Remus around him, hot and tight and so absolutely.... Remus gasped with pain again, and Sirius covered his hand with his own. Remus's fingers fumbled and then interlaced with his, squeezing tightly. "Okay?"

"Yeah."

He began to thrust, very gently, very slowly, mindful that Remus was still gripping his hand tightly. Slowly Remus's hand began to relax and his breathing evened out a little. He loosened in more ways than one, and Sirius knew the worst of the pain was over. He thrust a little harder; a little deeper, gasps of desire escaping his lips and brushing past Remus's ear. Then Remus suddenly jerked against him, and this time the noise he made was of an entirely different nature.

"Oh God. Don't stop, Pads," he panted. "Whatever you do, don't you dare stop."

Sirius wanted to chuckle and say something witty, but words were useless luxuries right now when he could move freely and Remus was pushing back into him, breathless and sweating and lost in the pleasure that Sirius was giving him. He could only keep thrusting, the friction and heat building until he was convinced it would destroy him.

It took Remus first. His body tensed and then began to shake as he squeezed Sirius's hand so tightly the bones cracked. His breathing was torn and ragged and the knowledge that Remus was coming right there beneath him was enough to spur Sirius on. A little voice whispered he should stop, see if Remus was okay, but the voice was ignored as he lost any control and then gave himself over to the fire that swept through him as well, burning in the same flames that had consumed Remus.

He lay against Remus's back, panting and plying small kisses across his lover's shoulder blades. Remus began to release his hand, but Sirius wouldn't let it go.

"Are you all right?" he finally managed to ask.

"Yeah," Remus said, his voice shaking. "Sirius, I didn't know... oh good God, I didn't know it would be like that!"

"I take it that's a good thing." Sirius's voice rumbled with laughter as he kissed Remus's cheek.

"Very. Just... wow. I'm glad I told you to keep going."

"Me, too. I'm going to pull out now, okay?" He eased himself out and off Remus, slowly returning to a kneeling position and then froze.

"Sirius?"

"I hurt you," he choked out.

Remus turned on his side to look up at Sirius's face. "A little at the beginning, but that's normal from what I've been told. It's- Sirius?"

"You're bleeding."

"What?" Remus's eyes widened with alarm.

"You're bleeding. I hurt you."

"Badly?" Remus twisted to look. "It's not bad. I'm fine. More than fine." He flipped over onto his back and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. I might need a shower, but I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Sirius, I just lost my virginity and had the most intense and amazing orgasm of my life, and right now you are hovering over me completely naked. Trust me; I've never been this fine." He held out his hand and let Sirius pull him to a sitting position. "You could use a shower as well."

There was no debating that. Sirius might have argued when Remus stood and then stumbled, obviously sore, but he simply slipped an arm around Remus's waist and helped him to the bathroom.

He had never even thought about what to expect in the afterglow of sex, but if he had, it wouldn't have been playing. He and Remus were like two children in the shower, laughing and flicking water at each other, their play dipping into the erotic as the water beat down on their bare bodies.

This was how he wanted Remus, Sirius realized. If he could pick one memory of Remus to keep with him always, it wouldn't be lounging in the common room or playing snooker at the Three Broomsticks. It wouldn't be in the Shrieking Shack or in his bed. It would be right here, with the spray matting Remus's hair to his neck and his eyes so bright they glowed, and laughing as Sirius's hands teased down his sides.

Remus curled against him in bed, his body warm from the shower, a smile playing over his lips. Sirius knew Remus was still sore- he could see it in every movement- but there was nothing in his expression but happiness. His last conscious thought was that he could stay like this forever, hovered on the edge of sleep and Remus asleep in his arms.