Accidentally In Love

Sirius hadn't meant to find the book. He wasn't even snooping. He'd been rummaging through Remus's nightstand- with Remus's express permission (okay, demand) looking for cough drops when he found the book. It was the jacket that caught his eye. Household Pests: How to Combat Them.

"Raising children in a dark home, Moony?" he chuckled, pulling the book out and flipping it open.

He'd known, of course, that the title was deceptive. No Hogwarts student- not even Moony with his interest in Dark Creatures- kept a book on household pests in their nightstand. If you'd asked him later, Sirius would have said he might have guessed it to be about werewolves, but the truth was he didn't even think about it. He'd just opened the book.

And there, in vivid color and moving pictures, were graphic depictions of people having sex.

He'd seen pornography, of course. But usually it was a woman sprawled naked, waiting and beckoning in the illicit copies of Playwitch that James and Peter smuggled in. Remus had never displayed a copy of his own, although he'd always looked with the rest of them and added his own smutty comments. Who knew that the rather prudish prefect had a book more explicit than anything James, Peter, or Sirius had ever come up with? Sirius shook his head.

And then it finally filtered from his widened eyes to his stunned brain. Those pictures?

They were all men.

Sirius choked and fumbled with the pages. Maybe it was just this section? But no, page after page were all pictures of men. Anatomical drawings, a lot of text, and images of men in situations and positions that-

Sirius slammed the book shut.

Regulus and the Slytherins had been right. Moony was a poof, and he had a handbook on gay sex in his nightstand. For a frantic few seconds Sirius tried to convince himself that the book had been planted by said Slytherins, but the argument fell flat far too quickly. A plant would have been left out, or least not covered like this and... and Remus had tried to tell them. Several times. As far back as fifth year, when he'd confided in Sirius that he didn't want "this" and he hated being "different." Sirius had simply misunderstood. This wasn't a trick- this was real.

He carefully replaced the book, found the cough drops he'd been sent up here to take, and headed downstairs.

It was his imagination. He knew it was. But when he sat down at the table, Remus looked [i]different[/i]. He hadn't changed. In fact, he was still sitting in the same position pondering his next move on the chessboard. But he looked different, of that Sirius was sure.

"Give it up, Moony," Peter groaned. "Prongs has you beat. You're not getting out of this."

Remus sighed and checked his watch. "Fine. I have to go anyway. I'm supposed to meet the Alexes at eight to work on that Arithmancy project." He sighed. "N.E.W.T. level is not fun. See you guys later."

"Chicken!" James called after his retreating back. Remus squawked right back at him as he disappeared through the portal. "Want to play, Padfoot?" James asked, pushing the board towards Sirius.

"Just to wipe that smirk off your face," Sirius agreed companionably, his light tone not revealing a hint of the shock that was still coursing through him. This was going to take time to get used to, but he'd do it later.

***

There were two Alexes in the seventh year, one a Slytherin prefect and the other the Hufflepuff Keeper. They had the misfortune of having very similar last names (Sommers and Sellers, respectively), and were both in N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy. Slytherin Prefect Alex was already in the library when Remus arrived. He looked up from the tome he'd been studying and smiled. "Hey. There you are."

"Sorry I'm late," Remus apologized. "I was kicking my roommate's arse at chess."

"You're not that late. Alex isn't here yet either," Alex pointed out, shrugging. "But I found some great stuff already. Check this out."

"Right." Remus threw his bag on the table and scooted his chair closer, until they were sitting side by side. He tried to focus on the words in front of him, but he was far more aware of Alex's shoulder against his, warm and solid. He noticed that Alex wasn't moving away from the contact either, and the thought pleased him.

"Hey, listen," Alex began, "I was wondering-"

"Hi gents, sorry I'm late." Hufflepuff Keeper Alex fling her bag unceremoniously to the ground. Her blond hair was messily escaping the braid it was in and she had a streak of dirt across her face. "Quidditch practice went long."

"That's all right. Remus was late too." Clean Alex moved away from Remus slightly.

Remus noticed that Dirty Alex gave Sitting-Next-to-Remus Alex a much wider smile than she gave him. She pulled a chair up in Alex's other side. "So. What have the pair of you found?"

Normally, Remus really liked Alex Sellers. She was a no-nonsense, no fuss girl with a dry sarcastic wit and a tomboy streak a kilometer wide. She was pretty in a sporty sort of way, and before pining after Lily Evans James had been heard to remark that he'd put his Quaffle through her goal any day. (And had, quite frequently give the 270-80 score of the last Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match.) It was also quite clear that she had a crush on Alex Sommers, which tonight annoyed Remus to no end.

He could certainly understand why, though. Next-To-Him Alex was tall- very tall- and slender, with sandy hair and a finely chiseled face. He was confident in his own way, although nowhere near as obnoxious about it as James and Sirius, and he was intelligent. In fact, Remus rather thought-

"Remus? Hello, Remus, are you with us?"

He jerked himself back to reality. "Sorry."

"Now I see why your friends call you Moony," Highly Attractive Alex teased him. "Talk about a daydreamer. Anyway, what have you got for us?"

"Right. I've got that paper Benue wrote on the correlations between hieroglyphs and southern Asian characters." Remus rummaged for it. "If you look here...."

They worked until late in the night. Remus was determined to outlast Crushing Alex, and judging from the increasing number of eye rolls, hints, and "go away, idiot" looks, she was doing the same. But Remus had six full years plus a few months of living with Sirius, James, and Peter. Annoying Alex didn't even begin to know the meaning of the word patience.

Finally, she grumbled something about needing to go to bed. All-Right-Totally-Gorgeous Alex nodded. "We can work on this more tomorrow," he suggested. "Same time, same place?"

"All right. Have a good night, gents." She gathered her things together and left. Finally.

"Are you still good for a while, Re?" Hot Ass Alex asked him.

"I've got another half hour in me, I'd say," Remus agreed, very much liking the way Alex had shortened his name. He couldn't be reading this wrong. There were just too many signals. Even Alphard had said... Remus closed the door on that line of thought firmly.

Their conversation was solely focused on the project, but Remus noticed they were now sitting shoulder to shoulder again. His stomach slowly revolved through the remainder of their study session, although his hand and voice remained steady.

"So, anyway," Alex said as they were packing to leave. "I was wondering, and you don't have to, but I was wondering if maybe you might want to go to The Three Broomsticks Friday night? Maybe get some dinner or something?"

"Like a date?" Remus asked before he could censor the words.

Alex ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Well, um, yeah. Like a date."

Remus smiled. "I'd like that. I'd like it a lot, actually."

***

"The Three Broomsticks," Peter declared, making a face. "Prongs, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Of course!" James insisted, sniffing his shirts as he searched for the cleanest one. "Sausage and chips! What girl wouldn't like that? Says I think of her as someone I can be comfortable with."

"Says you think of her as someone you don't have to impress," Sirius drawled from where he was sprawled on his bed.

"Wait a minute," Remus interrupted, mouth dry. "You're taking Lily Evans to The Three Broomsticks?"

"Oh, come on Moony, don't side with Wormtail! It's perfectly fine! We'll have dinner, play darts, maybe some snooker...."

While Remus agreed that this sounded like a perfectly acceptable date and was probably exactly how his own would go, the last thing he needed was James and Lily at the same place as him and Alex. "Darts and snooker," he said as dryly as he could manage.

"Prongs," Peter pressed, "it's your third date with Lily. Sausage and chips come later, when she's hooked. After you've managed to impress her!"

"Heh. Imagine. Wormtail knows more about romance than the great Chaser James Potter," Sirius smirked.

"And what are you doing tonight, loverboy?" James asked, annoyed.

"Forgoing love in order to wreak havoc on the Common Room with Wormtail and Moony," Sirius said cheerfully.

Peter cleared his throat. "Actually, Padfoot, I'll be in detention all night. Remember? The Shrinking Solution in Filch's... tea?"

"Oops. Yeah, that's right."

"And I have, erm, a date tonight," Remus muttered. "Sort of."

All three of them stared at him.

"With who?" James managed.

Here goes nothing... "Alex."

"Nice choice!" James approved. "She's quite fit. Y'know, if it weren't for Lily I'd-"

"We know, James," Sirius sighed, his eyes still fixed on Remus. "You've made that joke a thousand times already. Where are you guys going?"

"Three Broomsticks, actually. But it's not really a date." Remus slumped as the opportunity to tell the truth flitted by, easily caught again, if one were so inclined.

"Sure it is!" Peter argued. "And The Three Broomsticks is perfect."

"Hey, wait a minute!" James protested. "Why can Moony take Alex to The Three Broomsticks but I can't take Lily?"

"This is more casual," Remus insisted.

"And Alex is the right type," Peter backed him up.

"And for crying out loud, don't go to the same place as each other," Sirius added. "Your dates will never speak to you again."

"All right," James grumbled. "You two won't be putting in an appearance at the Budding Rose, will you?"

Remus shook his head.

"Much better," Sirius and Peter chorused. Remus heaved a sigh of relief.

Now, he just had to keep from running into James and Lily in Hogsmeade and he was home free.

***

Peter had set off for detention and Remus had headed out for his date as James checked his reflection one last time. Sirius watched him with amusement, but with a little concern as well.

"Hey Prongs," he finally said.

"What?"

"Stay away from Moony tonight."

"What?" James made a face. "Why? He won't mind if we say hello."

"He might not," Sirius said, "but Lily will. And Alex will too. You guys are supposed to be paying attention to them, not each other."

James rolled his eyes, but Sirius could see the speculative you-might-be-right gleam. "All right, all right. We won't go anywhere near Remus and Alex."

"Good call."

"Am I okay?"

"No. That shirt makes you look fat," Sirius shot back. "For crying out loud James, you're fine. Stop acting like the girl and go get her."

"Right." James gave Sirius a frantic hopeful smile. "Well, see you later."

"Have fun," Sirius called. "Don't do anything I'd do!"

The room was finally silent, and for once, he was alone. Sirius breathed a huge sigh of relief. The problem with rooming with your three best friends was that you were never on your own. And sometimes, you wanted to be. Like when you had some reading to do.

He padded over to Remus's nightstand and took out the book.

***

"So what do you think you'll do next year?" Remus asked, throwing a dart. It fluttered its wings and landed right on the three. "Yes!"

"Nice shot," Alex acknowledged. "I'm going to be a mediwizard."

"Really?"

"Definite. McGonagall, Flitwick, Collins and Dumbledore have written my letters of recommendation-"

"Already?"

"Yeah, it's a little early, but I don't want to lose a second."

Remus laughed. "I can see why you're in Slytherin! Your turn."

Alex stepped up to the line and stroked his bird into dart form. "It was a bit of a surprise," he admitted. "I'm a half-blood."

"Me too. My Mum's a uni prof, but Dad works for the Ministry."

"My Mom is also Ministry. She's an Unspeakable."

"Under Arden Black?"

"Yeah. Hey, is he Sirius's father?"

"Yes." Remus made a face and steered the conversation away. "What about your father? What's he do?"

"He died when I was ten. Cancer. But before that he was a steel worker."

"I'm sorry," Remus said softly.

"Thanks."

"Guess that explains the mediwizard thing, huh?"

"Yeah. So what about you?"

Remus stepped up for his next turn. "Don't know. Dad kind of wants me to be an Auror."

"Aren't you tops in Defense?"

"Yeah, but..." instinct told Remus this was not the time to reveal that he wasn't likely to be taken on as an Auror and his father was dreaming. "I like the creatures better than dealing with the wizards," he said, holding up a cooing dartbird that had snuggled into his hand as evidence. "They're more interesting to me. A lot will depend on what I can actually get."

"I know," Alex agreed gravely. "That's why I got my letters written early. With You-Know-Who holding so much sway, people like us can't be guaranteed anything."

Remus's heart stopped. "People like us?"

"Yeah. Half-bloods. Although soon it's not going to be safe to say that too loudly anymore."

Remus shivered and nodded as Alex threw his last dart. "Rats. You beat me again," Alex sighed. Then he turned and looked at Remus with intense brown eyes. "You want to get out of here?"

Eager to get off the topic of Voldemort and onto the very topic Alex had in mind, Remus nodded. They got their cloaks and headed out into the night.

***

Sirius hadn't been able to get those pictures out of his mind. For the past three days, every time he closed his eyes he saw that picture- the first one he'd opened to, of two men going at it. It was driving him insane.

Tonight he was able to sit and look through the book page by page without his roommates barging in. Sirius was quite sure that the pictures plaguing him were a result of surprise and ignorance. If he understood better, they'd go away. It seemed quite logical. In addition to the explicit pictures that hid nothing, the text was also highly detailed and very instructive.

Leave it to Remus to learn about sex from a book.

At least Remus wasn't totally hopeless. He hadn't taken the book on his date. Sirius stifled a laugh as he pictured his friend consulting with the book before each kiss. And he would need to. Sirius was pretty sure that Peter and James had gotten the wrong Alex, and with a guy's instinct he was also pretty sure that Alex Sommers moved fast.

A small part of him hoped Remus wasn't getting in over his head.

***

"It's a nice night, even if it's starting to rain," Alex said, his arm slung over Remus's shoulders companionably as they walked through Hogsmeade.

"It is," Remus agreed. "Surprising for late fall." The warm weight of the arm was nice enough, but much more interesting was the way Alex's fingers were playing with the folds of his robe. It sent a shiver of anticipation down his spine, especially as the fingers grew more caressing.

"Come on," Alex murmured huskily in his ear, guiding Remus off the path and behind a huge oak tree.

Remus was expecting it, but it was still a surprise when Alex's lips brushed over his, gently at first and then more demandingly when Remus didn't pull away. It was a heady, hot feeling that dragged him under and made him pull Alex closer, amazed and excited and scared, although he'd never admit the last. Alex's tongue probed at his lips and Remus responded, opening his mouth with the kiss.

Alex groaned and pulled Remus tighter against his body. Just the proximity was intoxicating; leg against leg, chest against chest. The kiss gentled, and as Alex pulled away Remus was smiling.

"I like you, Remus," Alex said, holding his cheek with one hand and caressing it with his thumb. "A lot."

"I like you too," Remus admitted. A roll of thunder punctuated his words. "But it sounds like we'd better get back."

"Probably." Alex's fingers twined through his. "I don't suppose you'd want to go out again sometime?"

"Are you kidding?" Remus said with a grin. "The only thing is..."

"Yeah," Alex agreed with the unspoken sentiment as they headed for the path, "I don't plan on telling my friends, either." And to emphasize his words, he dropped Remus's hand as they neared a place that could be vaguely construed as public. Remus was relieved.

***

The book was more than just interesting; it was fascinating. Academically so, Sirius assured himself. Remus was one of his best friends, and just as he was interested in the werewolf aspect of his life, it was totally natural that Sirius should be interested in his friend's sex life as well, given how different it was (or would be) from Sirius's.

Plus, some of the pictures were undeniably hot.

It didn't bother Sirius at all that he'd never noticed a specific girl, like James mooning over Lily Evans. Girls were quite nice and like most teenage boys he enjoyed the view upon occasion, but they weren't all that exciting compared to running around Hogwarts as a dog or sneaking out under James's invisibility cloak. There was an entire life for romance and all of the trouble that came with it, and only one more year of the fun of school.

However, he did wonder what attracted Remus to men as he looked at one incredibly vivid picture. He turned the book, studying it. Man, you'd really have to be flexible to do that. He lay down on the floor and pulled his legs up, trying to mimic one of the men in the photo, and then hoped that Remus was much more flexible than Sirius was if he ever hoped to pull that one off.

It was about then that he noticed he was aroused.

He'd known it, of course. It was kind of hard not to notice such things. But the knowledge hadn't really penetrated his brain until he was lying on his back on the floor and the reality made him sit up and slam the book shut. He frantically shoved it back into Remus's nightstand and then decided it was time for a shower.

A very cold one.

***

Sirius was not the only one who was thinking a cold shower might be a good idea. As they approached Hogwarts, Remus's worries were beginning to return. Alex had withdrawn as well, but neither of them had been able to resist slipping into a nook for a quick kiss that ended up being not so quick. Remus wasn't sure if he was annoyed or relieved when the sound of a pair of students made them break apart. With a smile, Alex planted one last good night kiss and then headed off for the Slytherin common room. And not a moment too soon as James and Lily came down the hall.

"Moony!"

"Hey Prongs. Lily." Their flushed, happy faces indicated that the Budding Rose had been a good idea.

"Where's your other half?" James asked, and Remus silently cursed him.

"Other half?" Lily asked, far too interested.

"Not other half," Remus scowled. "Date for the evening. We already said good night. I was just headed back to the tower."

"Alex Sellers," James informed Lily. "They went to The Three Broomsticks."

Lily wrinkled her nose and Remus made a mental note to rub it in later that they'd been right in the restaurant versus pub debate. "She's the Hufflepuff Keeper, right?" Lily asked. Fortunately for James, Remus stepped on his toe before James could make the Quaffle-goal joke. "She's in my Charms class," Lily continued. "She's pretty nice."

"She is," Remus evaded. "So. How was dinner?"

It had been the right question to ask. Lily had obviously been impressed by the restaurant, especially the dessert which had some chocolate-saturated name that no one with a Y-chromosome would ever remember. And as Lily raved on about the food, the ambience, and the waiters fawning over them, James was swelling with pride and pleasure... and forgetting all about Remus and Alex. And it made an escape very easy as James and Lily cozied up next to each other in front of the fire.

"Hey," Sirius greeted him, sitting up from where he'd been stretched on his bed. "How was the date?"

"Not bad," Remus admitted. "Are you doing homework on a Friday night?"

"Pathetic, isn't it?" Sirius admitted cheerfully. He flipped over on his back and studied Remus. "You do look like you had a good night."

"I did."

"Good. Are you and Alex going out again?"

"Probably. Looks like Prongs had some luck with Lily, tonight, too."

"Of course he did." Peter was finally coming in from detention, looking cold, wet, and thoroughly miserable. "The Budding Rose is exactly the kind of place he should have taken her."

"How do you know so much about women, Wormtail?" Remus asked.

"I live with three of them," Peter said, a little sourly. "I'm going to go get a shower. Filch needs to die, by the way. I don't care what we did, no one deserves to be cleaning up gutters in the rain." He grabbed his pajamas and headed for the bathroom.

"Think we can tear James from Lily tomorrow?" Remus asked, watching Peter's retreating back with concern. "I think a Hogsmeade visit is in order."

"There isn't one scheduled."

"So?"

Sirius grinned. "Just checking, Mr. Prefect. I think you're right."

Remus smiled back and picked up his own things. "Beats anything else I could plan." And with a cheerful wink at Sirius he followed Peter's footsteps.

Sirius watched them go, smiling. As long as they could pull James away from Lily (and he was pretty sure Lily'd be sick of him right now), a Hogsmeade visit would be exactly what was needed. For him even more so than Peter; especially if it was just the four of them. Distraction was a very good thing.

At least it seemed like Remus's date with Alex hadn't ended in disaster. Sirius knew that worrying about it had been stupid, but... well, that's what friends did. They worried. But still, he was glad to see that smile on Remus's face, and sincerely hoped Alex wouldn't screw Moony over.

***

The Hogsmeade weekend was a great success, especially without other students in Zonko's. But all too soon Sunday night approached, and neglected homework demanded attention. The others might grumble, but Remus didn't mind in the least as he had a particular Arithmancy project to work on.

Alex was waiting for him outside the library. Remus kissed him furtively, surprised at his own daring. Alex smiled as they broke apart.

"Hello to you too," he said. "I take it you're glad to see me."

"Is that a problem?" Remus asked as they walked into the library.

"Not at all. In fact- whoa. Alex is already here. 'Lo, Alex."

Usually Late Alex was indeed already there, waiting at a table with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. "Well, well, well," she said. "If it isn't my own personal harem."

Remus and Guilty Alex exchanged glances. "Huh?"

"Apparently," Smirking Alex said, "I had quite the social life Friday night, which was news to me."

"Oh no...."

"Oh yes. I spent Friday night in my room with a good romance novel and a cup of hot chocolate. Saturday, I see Sarah Wilkes to tutor her in Charms. She wants to know how my date with Alex Sommers went last night. I quietly resolve to kill Mr. Sommers and say that there's nothing to report, which she, in her typical fifth year fashion, interprets as I'm hiding something. 'Oh well,' I think, 'my dear Mr. Sommers will suffer for this one.' Then this afternoon I'm meeting with my Charms study group and Lily Evans wants to know how my date with Remus Lupin went on Friday night. Now, I'm not stupid so I caught on pretty quick, and I told her that I don't kiss and tell." She fixed them both with a glare. "There are hundreds of girls at Hogwarts. Couldn't you have worked out your stories a little better?"

Both Remus and Caught Red Handed Alex turned bright red. "Alex," Alex began, "you don't understand."

"Oh, I understand perfectly well," she said. "My Arithmancy partners are shagging each other, and telling everyone they're with me to cover it up. You're just lucky I find it immensely funny. And extremely interesting."

"Interesting?" Remus asked, annoyed that kissing had suddenly become shagging.

"Oh yes," Holding the Winning Hand Alex agreed. "Look, I'm willing to cover for the two of you, but you guys are going to owe me."

"What will we owe you?" Doomed Alex asked, wary.

"Nothing much. I like both of you and I'm not completely immoral. I get just as good of grades as either of you and actually want to pass my N.E.W.T.s, so homework is out. I'm not much for sweets. And I'd never ask you for money. So I think we'll agree that what I want is quite simple. It's just that the story is you're both after me, and I can't make up my mind."

Alex and Remus looked at each other and shrugged. "Okay."

Smug Alex smiled. "And in public, I expect you both to remember that."

"Hey!"

Remus burst out laughing. "All right," he agreed. Both Alexes looked at him suspiciously. "What?" he asked. "It seems fair to me. Shall we just get this done before she comes up with any more demands?"

"So you two can slip off to some deserted broom closet?" She-Witch Alex leered. "Fine. But remember gents, in public, you're both mine."

"We won't forget," Remus promised.

***

"I can't believe you agreed to that!" Alex hissed an hour and a half later, when Alex Sellers had left.

"Why not? Trust me Alex, she won't be getting the last word!"

"You'd better know what you're doing."

"I do."

Alex nodded and turned back to the rune chart for a moment. Remus was pretty sure what was coming, and he was right.

"Look, my roommates all take Care of Magical Creatures, and there's a study session tonight."

"I know. I'm supposed to be there in ten minutes."

"Oh."

"But I'm pulling an O in that class," Remus prompted.

Alex brightened. "Oh. So... do you want to come up to my room?"

A warning alarm went off in Remus's head, but he ignored it. "All right."

Alex smiled.

They gathered their things together and left the library. Remus's stomach was tight with nerves and anticipation. They didn't speak as they walked through the corridors together, for which Remus was grateful. His mouth was so dry he didn't think he'd be able to make a sound.

The Slytherin dungeon was set up so it wasn't necessary to walk through the common room to get to the dorm rooms, but Remus was still worried someone would notice them. But no one did (or no one said anything), and they were soon safe inside seventh years' bedroom.

The Slytherin room looked much like theirs, except the linens were green and there were eight beds instead of four. Alex set his bag down on one and sat, watching Remus as he looked around. Remus noticed a poster of Manchester United (Muggle) and a thick copy of Gray's Anatomy (also Muggle). Next to his bed Alex had a framed wizarding photo that Remus picked up.

"Is this your family?" he asked.

"Yeah. It was taken when I was nine. That's my Mum, and my sister Theresa- she works for Mr. Ollivander- and my brother Tom. Ravenclaw."

"And that's your Dad?"

"Yeah." Alex took the picture and set it down, and then put his hands on Remus's shoulders and turned him around. Remus opened his mouth to make a smart remark and Alex's lips closed over his eagerly.

"I've wanted to do that all evening," Alex murmured as they came up for air. "You have no idea..."

"I might have some id-" Remus's voice choked as Alex's lips moved to his neck and he was pulled down to the bed. Then they were kissing in earnest; hot, wet, messy kisses with roaming hands and clumsy clothed thrusts. It built until it exploded embarrassingly early, and Remus clung to Alex, his face in his shoulder as the intense pleasure coursed through him.

Alex backed away slightly, laughing. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," Remus managed. "Just... wow. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... y'know..."

"Come?" Alex prompted.

"Yeah... so early."

"It's flattering." Alex rolled them over so Remus was flat on his back, his hands drifting to remove the robes Remus wore, leaving him feeling oddly naked in the jeans and t-shirt he wore underneath. "I'm a top anyway," Alex was saying, "so it's probably just as well. You'll be more relaxed." He opened a drawer and pulled out a small jar of lube.

The sight of that jar made Remus squirm away and sit up. "Hey, wait a minute. Top? Relaxed? Lube? Alex, what do you think we're going to do?"

"We're going to have sex, aren't we?" Alex asked.

"Um, no. We're not." Remus pulled his robe back on.

"I thought you were into this, Remus. You sure seemed it a minute ago."

"I was into what we were doing, sure. I'm not ready for sex yet."

"Come on, Remus. You've done this before, haven't you?"

"No!"

"Bloody hell." Alex backed off immediately, his face contrite. "Remus, I'm sorry! I had no idea... I just assumed you had."

"No." Remus was now feeling extremely self-conscious. "I never have."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's all right."

"I should have-"

"Alex," Remus leaned in and kissed him. "Shut up."

Alex's arms snaked around Remus again, but this time he let Remus dictate the pace. And although no clothing was removed and it wasn't quite what Alex had in mind, the results were deemed quite satisfactory.

Was it normal to feel relieved that you'd done enough? Remus wasn't sure. He'd enjoyed the evening and even gotten a kick out of his furtive escape from the Slytherin common room. But as he made his way through the corridors of Hogwarts back to the safety of Gryffindor Tower, Remus finally listened to that warning alarm and admitted this was moving way too fast for him.

***

The public courtship of Alex Sellers began the very next morning. Remus had been unable to sleep, so he had ample time to design the most atrocious love note Hogwarts had ever seen. The card was hideous, bright with the most lurid colors Remus could think of, and when opened it sang loudly of love and devotion in the worst poetry he could manage. It left Alex Sellers horribly embarrassed, Alex Sommers quite thoughtful, James Potter in a fit of the giggles, Sirius Black confused, and Peter Pettigrew absolutely appalled.

"Are you trying to drive her away?" he demanded of Remus over the laughter roaring from the Hufflepuff table as the card was passed around. "James, back me up here!"

James took off his glasses and wiped his streaming eyes. "That was classic," he admitted. "But I don't think she's going for it."

The next day Alex received a box of candy. The candy was acceptable amused onlookers agreed, but the heart shaped messages that hung over the box were too pink and too sappy. And, the excited gossips noticed, they clearly stated that the candy was from Alex Sommers, not Remus Lupin. This was getting good.

A grumpy drawf bearing a bouquet of nearly-dead flowers interrupted the N.E.W.T. Arithmancy class. Alex serenaded her in the hallways (in what Remus admitted was actually a decent voice). Remus set off a giant firework announcing "RL + AS" in front of the Hufflepuff common room, where it hung for days. They both played footsie with her in the library.

"ENOUGH!" Alex finally shouted, earning her a sharp glare from the librarian. "You win, okay? I'll cover for you and both of you can stop pretending you're after me! I sincerely hope you aren't as tacky with each other!"

"I have to admit it, you're a genius," Alex said later that night as Remus skipped his second study session. They hadn't gone any further sexually, but Alex didn't seem to mind as they lay curled together on his bed. "Want to celebrate with a round of snooker Friday night?"

"Sounds great." It couldn't be normal that a man's first thought was Alex couldn't expect sex right there in the Three Broomsticks. Could it?

***

James was out with Lily. Remus was out with Alex. Even Peter was out with some Ravenclaw girl, admitting that Remus asking Alex out had given him the guts to attempt it. Sirius found himself at odds, lonely and bored and wandering the castle.

He was just debating going down to the kitchens when he spotted a pretty blonde girl. "Alex! Alex Sellers! What are you doing here?"

She turned around and groaned. "Oh no! Um, we haven't left yet," she tried to explain. "Remus forgot something. He should be back soon and then-"

"Alex, it's okay. I already know."

"You do? Remus never said-"

"Remus never told me. I just figured it out. Don't worry. I'm not going to say anything."

She smiled at him in relief, and Sirius realized that James was right- Alex Sellers was quite attractive indeed. "So how'd they get you to cover for them, anyway?" he asked.

"It was stupid, really. They both said they were out with me the same night."

"And are you supposedly on two dates tonight as well?"

'Can't you tell?" she asked with a rueful grin that made him smile too.

"Well, I was just on my way down to the kitchens to purloin dessert. Would the lady care to have a companion for real?" He offered his arm in a silly, extravagant gesture and Alex took it with a smile.

***

"We are not getting a room," Remus snapped, lining up his next shot.

"Why not?" Alex asked, leaning against his cue and watching Remus with smoldering eyes.

"One. I don't have the money for a room."

"I'll pay for it."

"Two. It's a month of detentions if we're out all night."

"So?"

"Three. I'm not ready to have sex with you." The cue ball struck the intended with a sharp crack that underlined Remus's words.

"I'll be gentle," Alex insisted. "We can take it slow. Come on, Remus, I'd really like to be your first."

"Alex, slow down, okay? We've had two dates. Give me some time."

Alex moved to stand right behind Remus, the heat of his body radiating through their clothes. "I thought you liked me."

"I do."

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what's stopping you?"

Remus sighed, the second wave of panic stirring in his stomach. It was a matter of timing, not desire, and he didn't want to lose Alex. "Look, the whole thing is really complicated, all right? I just always assumed I never would and now I sort of want to and it's not all that easy." That was the best he could manage.

It was enough. Alex reduced it down to a sexual identity crisis and nodded sympathetically, and his hand on Remus's shoulder was gentle and supportive. Remus closed his eyes. A part of him did want this, but the risk was just too great. But now there were other risks as well, as in if he didn't do something more adventurous than what he'd tried, he'd be losing Alex for sure.

The resultant compromise ended up being a room in the seedy Hogshead Inn for an hour. Robes came off but Remus insisted on leaving his jeans and t-shirt on, as the sight of his scars would raise questions he wasn't ready to answer. They ventured beyond hand jobs into the world of oral sex, where Remus felt he'd most certainly demonstrated his utter lack of experience. Afterwards he felt sick to his stomach as he lay against Alex's chest, and he told himself it was the lack of oxygen and the pull of the full moon in a week. Alex was pleased, so it couldn't be worry and guilt, because there was nothing to feel worried or guilty about, right? After all, a blow job. What unattached man- gay, straight, or anywhere in between- felt guilty over blow jobs? No one.

Right?

***

It ran with the name, Sirius decided. James would be begging for a kiss and Peter might be holding a hand, but he and Remus were probably both tripping down the lane of sexual exploration faster than either of them ever would have expected. Female Alex was perched in Sirius's lap, tongue halfway down his throat and obviously willing to do anything he asked. But he didn't ask, because an abandoned classroom where anyone could walk in and a notable lack of contraception did not make for the ideal situation for losing one's virginity. Alex thought he was insane and maybe he was, but both Uncle Alphard and Andromeda had been highly explicit about second subject, and that was one risk Sirius was not willing to take.

To tell the truth the whole thing was a disappointment, he mused as she kissed him fervently. It was nice enough, but not that desperate frantic passion he expected. Of course, it wasn't as if he fancied Alex; he'd never really given her a thought before tonight. But all that didn't stop him from arranging to see her again the next time Remus and Alex Sommers had a date.

But when they parted on the stairway, she was gone from his mind as well.

The common room was quiet and empty: Sirius hadn't realized how late it was. He sat down on one of the couches, stirring the embers with a poker so the fire flared back to life. He was debating going up to bed when the portal opened and another late-comer sneaked in.

"Remus?"

"Sirius? What are you still doing up?"

"What were you still doing out?"

Remus flushed red, and Sirius grinned, patting the seat next to him. Remus slipped off his school robe and sat, and Sirius noticed a dark bruise on his collarbone where the t-shirt sagged. "Have a good night?" he asked.

"Interesting night." Sirius leaned back. "Ran into Alex Sellers in the hallways."

"Oh shit."

"I've known that it wasn't Alex Sellers you were going out with."

Remus turned to face him, his eyes too large in his face. Sirius noted the dark smudges beneath them, sure signs of stress. "Have you told James?"

"No. It's your business, Moony. If you want to talk about it, you will. Anytime." The last word was an offer as opposed to an observation.

"Thanks."

"I suppose I should tell you," Sirius said after it became apparent that Remus wasn't going to say anything, "that, erm, Alex Sellers and I...." he wasn't sure how to finish the sentence.

It didn't matter. Remus burst out laughing. "You're kidding!" he said, his face completely transformed. "How was it?"

"Well, it wasn't everything," Sirius muttered. "And it was okay."

"Just okay?" Remus asked with an arched eyebrow.

"How was Alex Sommers?" Sirius shot back.

"Okay," Remus admitted, turning red again. "And we didn't do everything either." He stared into the fireplace. "But he sure wants to."

"Are you going to?"

"Don't know," Remus said with a heavy sigh. "I really don't know."

They sat in silence, and Sirius wished he had some idea of what to say. He was about to suggest going to their room when Remus lay down on the couch, his head resting on Sirius's knee. Automatically, Sirius reached down to stroke Remus's hair, like Remus always scratched his ears when he was in dog form. Remus's hair was soft and fine, and he sighed under Sirius's touch. Slowly, Remus's breathing evened out and deepened, and soon he was asleep.

"I'm worried about you," Sirius murmured. "You did a lot more tonight than you really wanted to, I can tell. You're having trouble sleeping again, too, I've noticed. Be careful, Moony. You're playing with fire."

***

"James, are you sure Lily is all right with this?"

"Moony, I've told you three times, she's fine. We're going out tomorrow night." James straightened his legs out in front of him as he sat on the floor of the shack. "You know I wouldn't miss for a girl- not even for Lily."

"Peter-"

"Remus, Emily and I have had one date."

"Alex giving you a hard time?" Sirius asked perceptively.

Remus nodded glumly. More than just a hard time, if he was truthful. Alex had been quite annoyed that Remus wouldn't spend tonight with him, and even more so when he'd been informed that even if they did spend tonight together, it would not involve sex anyway. "Alex doesn't really get it," Remus muttered.

"What did you tell her you were doing?" James asked.

"I just said I was spending tonight with you guys, and we had plans. That's all Alex really needs to know."

"You might have reassured her a little better than that."

"Oh yeah? What did you tell Lily?"

James shrugged. "I just told her that we had plans to hang out tonight, the four of us, and she was cool with it."

"See? That's no different than what I told Alex!" The moon was about to rise, and it wasn't helping Remus's temper at all.

"Are you going to tell her about the whole werewolf thing?" Peter asked.

Remus scowled in response.

"You know," Sirius said slowly, "maybe this isn't the best idea. You and Alex, I mean. You've been in a lousy mood for half the time that you guys have been going out. And Alex is going to find out sometime, won't h- she?"

"Not if I can help it." Remus's body started trembling and he hugged his legs tighter to him. "I never wanted anyone to know." It was the last coherent sentence he managed.

***

The sun had been up for an hour, but the moon had just set. Remus was stretched in the bed, a few open wounds gaping but nothing like Sirius had been anticipating. He sat on the bed as Peter looked out the window and James stretched.

"That," James said significantly, "was an incredible night."

"I can't believe we've never found that passage before," Peter agreed. "And I don't think Filch knows about it, either."

"Hey Prongs, don't you have early Quidditch practice today?" Sirius asked.

"Oh yeah. Shoot, I didn't want to leave before Moony woke up."

"Go ahead. He'll understand."

"You think?"

"You guys go. I'll stay here until he wakes up."

James looked at Remus again doubtfully. "He wasn't easy to control last night, was he? It seems like something's bothering him."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Brilliant deduction, Mr. Prongs. And I'm trying to be tactful about getting the pair of you to go away so I can talk to him about it."

"Oh!"

Sirius and Peter exchanged a glance and smirked. "We'll go, Padfoot," Peter said. "C'mon James. Breakfast." With a last worried, compassionate glance at Remus, James left.

"Moony?"

Remus groaned, turning away from the sunlight creeping in through the boarded windows. "Padfoot?"

"Yeah. You okay?"

There was a long pause as Remus took a mental inventory. "I think so. Not as bad as you're thinking anyway, Sirius."

"That's good." Like he had a few nights before, Sirius stroked Remus's hair gently. "I was worried."

"I know."

"I am worried."

"So am I."

"About Alex?"

Remus managed a smile. "Which one?" he asked.

Sirius snorted.

"You weren't in the best mood yourself last night."

"Alex found me," Sirius admitted. "When you and Alex were doing... whatever you were doing."

"Oh."

"Yeah. She wasn't too happy with me by the end of it."

"Why not?" Remus asked, edging closer to where Sirius was sitting and curling his body around him. Sirius's hand left Remus's hair and idly stroked his back.

"I'm not sure," he lied. Alex had been most eager to actually have sex, and once again Sirius had protested doing much of anything, due to a lack of protection. With an exasperated sigh Alex had produced a condom of her own. It was unnerving, and took away the one excuse that Sirius knew should be fail proof. Although a voice in his head sounding suspiciously like James kept telling him that this was an opportunity he should be jumping at, he managed to "accidentally" tear the condom when opening the package with his teeth, thus rendering it useless. Alex had not been pleased. "Part of it was me coming out with you guys."

"But it's not like you're together!" Remus protested.

"Exactly. She's a bit psychotic, if you want the truth."

Remus snickered. "We should fix her and Alex up."

"It's not a bad thought," Sirius admitted. "Then they can keep tabs on each other."

Remus grinned up at him, and Sirius ruffled his hair. "You'd better go," Remus prompted.

"Yeah. I'll see you later on." Sirius lingered for a moment, running his hand once more over Remus's hair. "Feel better, Moony."

"You know I will."

They smiled at each other, and then Sirius left the Shack.

***

Remus lay still in the bed for a long moment after Sirius left. He wanted to stay in that moment for the next twelve hours if he could, curled around Sirius as Sirius rubbed his back. It wasn't a sexual touch or a lover's caress or anything like that, just intimate and warm and safe. It was a feeling Alex had never inspired in him.

He stretched, the tattooed numbers on his forearm catching his eye and making him grimace. Right there, clear in the sunlight, was the exact reason that he'd never thought he'd feel safe with... well, anyone. Anyone else, anyway.

But Sirius wasn't interested. Remus had accepted that over a year ago, and he accepted it now. Sirius, Peter, and James were all off-limits. And like Alphard had warned him repeatedly, it took time to build up that sort of trust and intimacy.

Only problem was Remus was pretty sure he was running out of time.

***

Contrary to popular belief, Sirius didn't avoid the library. He just got in, got what he needed, and got out. It wasn't that he didn't like the place, but he couldn't stand the librarian. Madame Pince with her pinched, vulture-like face looked like she'd be perfectly at home in the House of Black, and was also the one person in Hogwarts Sirius was quite sure he'd never hoodwinked. But on the Tuesday night after the full moon he was thoroughly behaving himself, taking rapid, efficient notes from an advanced Transfiguration text in a back, private corner, and really didn't appreciate the whispered argument on the other side of the stacks cutting into his concentration. He tried to shut it out, but the voices were getting louder, and the name "Remus" caught his ear.

"I don't understand what the big deal is, Remus!"

"Neither do I! Why can't you wait a while?"

"What are you waiting for?"

Sirius heard Remus huff with irritation, and could imagine him running his hand through his hair to clear it from his eyes. "I don't really know. I'm just not comfortable with it, Alex."

"Are you waiting to be in love, or something?" Alex said, his voice deeply mocking.

"No."

"Then what are you saving it for?"

"Alex-"

"One of your friends?" There was silence from behind the stacks, and Sirius held his breath. "That's it, isn't it? One of those damnable friends of yours. That's who you're saving it for."

"I never said that," Remus protested weakly.

"It's not Pettigrew. You like the pretty boys, don't you, Remus? James? Is it James you're waiting for?"

"No!"

"Sirius then. You want Sirius."

"Look, I'm with you, aren't I?"

"That didn't answer my question."

"I wasn't aware there was a question."

"Would you sleep with Sirius?"

"Alex, this isn't really-"

"Would you sleep with Sirius?"

"Yes, all right? If Sirius asked me, which he wouldn't, and if I weren't with you, which I am, I would sleep with Sirius."

"You'd fuck Sirius Black."

"Yes Alex, I would fuck Sirius Black. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

There was angry silence from the other side of the stacks, and Sirius tried to convince his heart to stop pounding through his ears. He'd never considered the possibility that Remus might want one of them, although now that he was confronted with it he had to admit it was extremely logical.

"I should have known." Alex's voice was strained. "I should have known you were saving it for him."

"I'm not. I'm not saving it for anyone! I'm just not ready! Why can't you understand that?"

"You'd sleep with Sirius."

"I shouldn't have said that!" Remus sputtered.

"But you did!"

"Look, Alex. Sirius has been my friend since we were first years. He knows pretty much everything about me-"

"Not that you're queer."

"Actually, I think he's got that figured out too. And may I point out he isn't exactly begging me to come to bed with him. This, in case you've missed this, is fine with me. He's not queer, I am."

"So I'm second best."

There was a thunk that Sirius was pretty sure was Remus's head hitting the table. "You're not." Remus's voice was muffled.

"But right here, right this minute, you'd sleep with him and not me."

"Alex-"

"Forget this. I'm not waiting around until you get over him."

"Alex!" The anger and panic in Remus's voice was intense enough that Sirius had to grip the table to keep from getting up and punching the Slytherin in the face. "Look, maybe there's something I should tell you. About why-"

"Too late."

"No, there's something big that you don't know. It's important, and it's why-"

"Forget it, Lupin. I don't need to hear all the pretty details. Go have fun with your precious Sirius."

"Fuck you."

"Well, that's just why we're breaking up, isn't it? Because you won't." Alex left the room, an angry shout from the bookshelf announcing that he was being quite careless about his motions.

Behind the shelf, Sirius could hear Remus breathing heavily. He knew, even without going over, that Remus was staring at the book in front of him, pretending to see the words as he stewed in anger. He wondered if he should go over, but something kept him in his seat as he realized this might not be the best conversation to admit he'd overheard.

He deliberately didn't think about what exactly had been in that conversation. On some level, he understood... to an extent. Remus had enough issues and problems that intimacy would be hard, and a friend who already knew the whole story would be a natural bed partner. That Sirius grasped completely. Why neither James nor Peter had been deemed acceptable was something Sirius didn't allow himself to consider.

***

"Anyone up for some Quidditch?"

Sirius and Peter started as Remus suddenly stormed in, but James's head snapped up eagerly.
We don't have enough for a proper game," he said wistfully.

"Evans and Lovegood said they'd play. Three on three: two Chasers, one beater. Sirius, you, and Lily against me, Peter, and Tina."

"I'm game." James tossed aside his Transfiguration book.

"Are you beating, Moony?" Peter asked cautiously. Remus nodded. "Okay then."

"Is this fair?" Sirius asked James as they scampered up the stairs to get the brooms. "You, me, and Evans on the same team?"

"With as mad as Moony looks, you'd better be one heck of a beater today, Sirius. Think something happened with Alex? He was studying with her this afternoon."

"Yeah. Alex dumped him. I heard it."

"Ouch. Werewolf?"

"Nah. Didn't hear the details," Sirius lied. "C'mon. Let's go."

***

By the end of the game Sirius was exhausted. His arms and torso screamed in pain and he didn't think he'd be able to stand tomorrow.

"Remind me again," Lily said as they trudged back up to the castle. "Why aren't you on the Quidditch team, Remus?"

"Because Madame Pomfrey won't let him," James groaned, touching his bruising cheek with a moan of pain. "She'd spend all her time patching up Quidditch players."

"Seriously," Tina insisted. "Why aren't you on the team?"

Remus shrugged. "I like Quidditich well enough to watch it and play every now and then, but I don't want to go to practices or anything. Call me lazy."

"Hardly that," Sirius muttered. "Ouch. I'm not even going to be able to lift my arms after chasing your bludgers everywhere. Feeling better?"

"A bit."

"Good." Sirius draped a sweaty arm around Remus's shoulders. "Because I can't take another round like that."

***

"So things wend bad between you and Alex, huh?" Peter asked as he and Remus got ready for a shower.

"Is it that obvious?" Remus asked, sitting on the bench and stripping off his socks.

"Well, yeah, I think so. What happened?"

Remus shrugged. "Alex wanted sex. I didn't."

Peter paused with one foot in the shower. "You didn't? Are you sure you're not a poof, Moony?"

You should tell him, you should tell him, a voice in his head insisted. This is the right moment....

With Peter standing there naked? Oh yeah. Definitely the right moment, he told the voice sarcastically.

"It's not that," he said sadly. "It's this." Remus pulled his shirt off.

Peter studied him and nodded. "You know, we've lived together for so long I don't really notice it any more, but I can see where someone would be asking too many questions. It would be hard to explain. Between the scars and the tattoo..."

"Exactly." Remus stepped into the shower. "I can put that makeup Mum gave me over my number, but you can still feel the scars."

"Mmm. You know," Peter's voice echoed off the tiles over the spray, "Tina Lovegood was watching you today. You could probably have a go with her, and she's pretty likely to be good about it."

"Nah. I'm just going to avoid the whole love thing this year."

"Classic Moony," Peter snickered, the grin audible in his voice.

"Why don't you go for her? Or are you and Emily an item?"

"Shut up."

Remus chuckled.

"Would you mind if I did? If things fall through with Emily, I mean?" Peter asked as the shower shut off.

"Not at all, mate. I told you, I'm not going near any of it." Remus shut his own shower off with a determined push. "Not for a long time."

***

"I'm going to ask Lily if she'll go steady with me tonight," James confided in Sirius. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Sirius said, but the words sounded hollow in his ears. It had been him and James and Remus and Peter for so long that Sirius couldn't help but hate Lily a little bit. James was his best friend, not hers. It was all right when he was just going out with her, but steady implied a lot more. But Sirius certainly couldn't say any of that.

"What are you guys doing tonight?" James asked as he fiddled with his tie.

"Moony's ignoring the fairer sex entirely and hiding in our room with my crossword book. Emily's been seduced by that chocolate orgasm thing that Lily's been going on about and got Wormtail to take her to the Budding Rose. And I'm serving detention with McGonagall and being her boy toy for the evening."

James laughed. "Well, give her my love."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "I'll be giving her enough of my own, thanks."

James cuffed him on the shoulder and flashed a grin goodbye. Sirius let his breath out. He didn't have detention, but it was easier than explaining why he was meeting Remus's supposed ex-girlfriend for a date.

Alex was waiting for him in an empty Charms classroom. Despite his normal disregard for the rules something about that made Sirius uncomfortable, but she greeted him immediately with a kiss, and for a while he didn't think about anything.

"I brought three this time," Alex murmured as she pulled away slightly.

"Three what?"

"Condoms." She brandished the package at Sirius, who cringed. "Just in case you tear one again. I still don't know how you managed that."

"Look, Alex..." Sirius swallowed hard. "I'm not sure...."

Alex snorted. "You've got to be the only guy at Hogwarts who would be saying that. Come on, Sirius. I like you and you obviously like me. I'm willing. We're alone. What more do you need?"

He shrugged.

Alex chuckled. "Maybe you're gay as well. Perhaps I'm just a queer magnet? You'd probably be ready and raring to go if I was James Potter."

"Shut up," he growled and pulled her to him, kissing her roughly. Queer indeed. He wasn't Moony. He wasn't into James. How ridic-

But the image and idea took hold of his brain and for a moment she was James, and suddenly this was everything he expected and more.

The broke apart, both gasping and watching each other with wild eyes. Alex's lips curved into a smile. "Well now. That's more like it," she said.

"Alex," he began, flustered and confused and scared out of his wits. "Look, I- hey! Did you hear that Remus and Alex broke up?"

That stopped her for a moment. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." His breathing was slowing down but his heart was still pounding.

"Why?"

"Ask them. I'm not sure."

"Remus didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Well." Sirius got the impression that something completely unrelated to him was racing through her head. "I guess this means I don't have to cover for them anymore."

"Yeah."

"And that means we can be seen in public."

Everything screeched to a halt. "What? No we can't."

"Why not?"

"How am I supposed to explain to James and Peter that I'm going out with the girl that supposedly dumped Remus a few days ago?"

"They won't care, especially if Remus tells them he's fine with it."

"No. It's not a good idea."

She was moving towards him now, her hands sliding up and around his neck, holding him in place. "What, I'm good enough for you to shag, but not good enough to be seen with in public?"

"No! I just want... I don't want..."

"Are you always this coherent?" she asked, sliding her hands down his back. "Come on, Sirius. Don't you want a girlfriend?"

He pushed her away. "No. I don't!"

"Oh God. You ARE queer!"

"It's not that! It's just... Alex, last year was not a- oh, never mind. No, I don't want a girlfriend, okay? Not you, not James, not anyone at all!" Sirius straightened his robes and ran a hand through his hair to neaten it. "It's just not on. I'll see you around." He fled the room.

He was vaguely aware that he'd made a real hash out of the situation and he suspected he heard Alex crying, but he needed to get away and fast. This was not at all how any of this was supposed to go. Especially that image...

Was he queer? Sirius had never thought so but now he wasn't so sure. He cursed, kicked the wall, and cursed again. If it was true (and maybe it wasn't... one thought didn't mean a thing) this was the last thing he needed.

He honestly couldn't think of anyplace he wanted to go, so he headed back to the dorm room where at least he was safe from Alex. Remus was sitting on the window sill, leaning against the glass and working a puzzle. Sirius watched him for a moment.

Yes, Alex. I would fuck Sirius Black. Is that what you wanted to hear?

Sirius shook his head. Right now, those were not words he needed in his mind. Besides, Remus didn't look like a person with any sort of capacity for sexual desire. He sat in his jeans and t-shirt, robes crumpled on the floor, bare feet tucked under him and totally engrossed. He just looked like Remus. It was comforting and calming.

"Hey," he said, surprised that his own voice sounded so normal. "Need any help?"

Remus put the crossword book down and smiled at Sirius. "Nah. Got all of them. Hey, weren't you supposed to be with Alex tonight?"

"Yeah, well." Sirius sat down on the windowsill and Remus drew his feet up to accommodate him. "That's not on anymore."

"I'm sorry," Remus said softly.

"I'm not." Sirius leaned his head against the cool glass, watching the snow fall outside. "Hey Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you think I'm a complete nutter or a queer or something if I said I didn't want to sleep with her?"

Remus sighed. "Not at all. Would you think I'm a complete nutter or straight or something if I said I didn't want to sleep with Alex?"

Sirius smiled at him. "We're pathetic, aren't we? We've got to be the only seventh years at Hogwarts that don't want to lose our virginity."

"And that really should be no shock at all," Remus agreed.

"Right. A werewolf and a runaway. Both our lives are fucked up enough."

"Alex... do you think it runs with the name?"

Sirius chuckled. "I thought the same thing. How about we make a promise. From now on, no more Alexes."

"Sounds good to me." Remus reached out and they shook on it.

"Yeah. Sounds good to me too."