My Pale Moon Rises

To everyone else who is still here, thank you for reading this and enjoy!


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He sits in the darkness.

The shadowy, secretive glances, small brushes of fingers or legs, and the longing desire hidden beneath their eyes give it away. Something is up between them, I'm sure of it.

It has been going on for some time now. Maybe a week, a month, two months...Did it really matter? I often hear then sneaking off at night, tip-toeing down to common room, perhaps, but I never follow them for fear of what I will see. I don't want to see it.

Was it really true? Are they really together? Did they leave me for each other, not even caring about how it makes me feel? It hurts me to think about it for very long.

Creak. A noise! It is coming from the opposite side of the room.

There. Again. And again.

I hear footsteps on the dormitory's cold stone floor. A click, and the door is shut, separating me from him.

James did not move.

Should I get up? Should I see what I do not want to? Do I dare to spoil my dreams, hopes, fantasies, everything, with only one look, a check. Should I risk it just to make sure there really is no love?

My Moony...Why are you doing this to me? Do you even know I exist? Do you know who I am?

It is my fault he doesn't know. I waited far too long.

Do you know how much pain you cause me every time I look at you and know I can't have you for myself? How many tears I've drawn for you? Do you realize how beautiful you are, Remus? I hope that, when you're with him, he tells you that, because you are.

But does he really love you, for you?

Now, as I creep down these stairs that lead me to you and him, do you know I am coming? Can you hear me? O, please say I am wrong! Say I have imagined it all and that I don't really love you, and you don't love me...or him, or anyone, really....

Let me look at you, with that golden brown hair that curls perfectly on your face.

Your face is beautiful. Your lips are so soft and pink. Your eyes... I could wade in them! Your skin...so pale, fragile, calm, collecting my mind in its beauty....

It is time.

I step around the corner. The anticipation in my mind takes over. It is too much, but I know that I must do it. Go, GO, GO, James!

I turn the corner.

There you are, beautiful as usual, I can't help but notice. My eyes see what I am dreading. MY mind tells me to hate, but my heart tells me to love. Can I still love you?

Yes, I can. How could I not? Yes, it hurts, but that's what I get from my obsession, isn't it? I love you, but you love him. You are there, on the darker side of the room. No, it is the light side. See how you are affecting my brain? Yes/ No. Good/ Evil. Light/ Dark. There is no difference when I look at you.

James loves him.

He loves you. I can tell from the way he is holding you now on the couch by the fire. O my Moony! I could protect you from anything, everything. I am so much better for you.... But now you sleep with him, my best friend in the world, Sirius Black. There is nothing in that name that means anything to me anymore, except... No! There is nothing!

I leave you with him, Remus, as I turn back up the stairs. They are in love. I am, but no one knows. You have risen from my grasp, Moony, you beautiful creature. I cannot fly to get you.