Will You Ever Return to Me?

Chapter 2.

December 1998, 12 Grimmauld Place.

Harry had apologized repeatedly to Ron for the failed curse that humiliated him at the wedding. No matter how much Ron and Hermione told him that it was okay (Hermione fund the countercurse in moments), he felt guilty. Wasn't he the one who impressed on Ginny not to make a scene?

But since the wedding, even if Ron and Hermione saw him at least once a week, they were no longer the inseparable trio. The newlyweds still planned to move. Harry could, of course, join them, but something held him back.

Something. Yeah, right, he thought. Someone, and know precisely who, too.

He considered taking an anti-love potion, but rejected the idea. His feelings for Ginny were not a minor infatuation, and they'd probably return with increased strength once he stopped taking it. He didn't want to have those feelings... he hated himself for having them... Ginny betrayed us... all of us... look how she treated Ron and Hermione... but he couldn't stop himself. He should hate Ginny... and he couldn't.

"Harry!" a voice interrupted his thoughts. "You there?"

Harry headed to the fireplace to greet his visitor. "Hi, Neville," he said wearily. "Something to drink?"
"No, thanks. So how're you?"

"As good as I can be," he answered. "How's Luna?"

"Running the Quibbler, now that her dad retired. She likes it," Neville said.

Harry nodded. Neville was careful not to flaunt his happiness in front of him. Harry wasn't sure if he was grateful or annoyed.

"When's the wedding?" he asked, half in jest. "You need a best man? 'Cause that's about all I'm good for. And not doing a very good job, either, if my last time is any indication."

"A few months before you have to worry about that," Neville replied. "And you've got to--"

"I know. Get over. Don't you think I wish I could?" Harry frowned. "I never thought I'd understand how Snape felt."

"What?" Neville exclaimed. "What does Snape have to do with anything?"

Harry sighed. He learned this from Snape himself, right before he was--surprisingly for everyone--killed by Wormtail. In school, Snape had loved Harry's mother, Lily Evans. His dislike for his father turned to loathing when James started pursuing Lily himself, and morphed into hatred when they started dating. Snape hated him--a constant reminder of the love he'd lost.

"At Hogwarts, Snape was in love with my mother," Harry said. "And I look just like my father--"

"Except for the eyes," Neville said, smiling.

Harry managed to look into his eyes. "Well, when Snape told me, I had plenty of my own reasons to hate him, so I snapped that he shouldn't have called my mother a Mudblood, and he might have had a chance. He didn't take that well. Now, though..."

"I never knew," Neville whispered. "I thought he just hated Gryffindors in general... he wouldn't have loved my mother, as well?" Neville said, frightened.

"As far as I know, no. But it was different with you. You were afraid of him, and so you bungled up potions--like all of us, except Hermione. And the way he would criticize you gave you more reasons to be afraid. You never had classes with Slughorn--I'm sure you'd be quite good with potions, with your knowledge of plants and all."

Neville nodded. "Speaking of which, they're reopening Hogwarts next year, and I got the Herbology Professor job, now that Sprout is Headmistress." He then looked at Harry carefully. "The Defense position is still open."

"No," Harry replied. "And this is precisely why I said I understand Snape. I understand why he did what he was doing to me. What if I become like him? What if I start bullying Ginny and Malfoy's kids?"

Neville didn't argue. Instead, he paced the room for a few minutes. "You shouldn't waste your life in here. You need to go out and do something. You wanted to be an Auror, didn't you? In your fifth year, you talked about that a lot. Well, they are recruiting... the force has to be rebuilt after the war killed so many."

Harry's first impulse was to reject this idea. He only wanted to join the Aurors so he could fight Voldemort. Since he would be doing that anyway, and since Voldemort was gone, there seemed no point. Now... now it would at least give him a goal to strive for. He doubted it'd help him get over Ginny, of course...

But then again, it might. That wouldn't happen if he sat her brooding day after day. "I'll think about it," he said finally. "Thanks, Neville."

"Hey, anytime," Neville patted him on the back before heading towards the fireplace. "I'll see you around."

Harry gave him a small smile. "Say hi to Luna for me," he said, as Neville vanished into flames.

An Auror. Since he couldn't have what he wanted most, this was the next best thing. And it'd give him a reason to stay in England, even if Ron and Hermione left. I'd better tell them, he thought.

He didn't even consider sharing his decision with Ginny.