Through Darkness and Light

Through Darkness and Light

Chapter 14

Winter Wonderland

White powder covered the ground, adding to the snowfall from three nights ago. Hermione would have given anything to see a hint of green or red, even the stone walls that matched the season.

"Why did we come out here?" Hermione rubbed her hands together, but it did nothing to warm her.

"Why don't you tell me? It was your bloody idea." Ron wrapped his knitted scarf around his neck.

"My idea? You were the one who suggested it!"

"Yeah, and why did you listen?"

Hermione breathed in. Every conversation was like this. He just had to argue with her. "Look, as long as we're here let's look for Harry."

"You need to make up your mind." Ron mumbled. "Go in, stay out, pick one."

"Oh, forget it." She stormed towards the Quidditch field. Why did Ron insist on coming? She needed to talk with Harry, to explain.

Snow crunched as she walked and she shook her head. Why didn't she tell him the truth? It was only a stupid map.

Ron stomped behind her and kicked a mound of snow into the air, pelting her back. "Err, sorry about that."

"It's fine." Hermione brushed off the snow and continued on. For now she would ignore Ron. And Elessar's memory, would she ignore that as well? She had seen Elessar, but that wasn't the Professor she knew.

Hermione wanted to scream. Nothing made sense. Harry was her friend. She should have told him the truth.

"Hey, are you feeling alright?"

"Yes."

"Uh, right. If you say so."

No footprints, no sign of anyone passing this way. She was wasting time. If only Harry had let her explain instead of storming out the common room. He wouldn't even look at her.

Ron clutched the nape of his jacket closed. "We should probably go back. Harry's not out here."

"All right." The cold seeped through her boots and she shivered. This was her fault.

They followed their path back and Ron glanced at the Quidditch field. "I talked with Wood today. He said Harry missed the last three practices. I don't know what Harry's playing at, but he needs to be careful. Gryffindor needs their Seeker."

That's right, all life revolved around Quidditch. "So you agree? You're more concerned about winning than what Harry's going through?"

"No way, Harry will get through this dementor thing in no time."

Hermione sighed. "That wasn't what I meant."

"Why do you think Harry's been avoiding us?"

He wasn't avoiding you, Hermione wanted to say. Instead she shrugged. She hid the truth, had lied to him. Wonderful timing too. Why couldn't she have waited until after Sirius Black was captured?

Then again, she hadn't meant for Harry to see the map. That was the problem.

Ron sprinted ahead when they neared the school. "Let's get inside. Come on, Hermione!"

She followed Ron through the door and stomped her feet to loosen the snow. Torches fluttered back and forth, the dim light bringing Hermione no comfort. Their feet echoed in the deserted hall.

"Well, back to where we started," Ron said. "I wish Harry had the sense to stay inside near some nice warm fire."

Neville turned down the hallway and waved when he saw them. A book was pressed against his chest. "Hermione! I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Oh really?" Ron's eyebrows lifted.

The best way to handle Ron was to ignore him. Three years and she finally figured that out. "Is there something you need, Neville?"

"I know you're busy, but I was hoping you could spare a moment. I'm having a problem distinguishing the properties of mandrake skin solutions." Neville held his book to her, little vines grew from the spine and entwined with the pages.

"You've got to be kidding," moaned Ron.

"Don't worry about him." She waved at Ron. "He doesn't know either. In fact, I remember his face stuck to the paper from his drool."

"Say what you like, I was paying attention to your notes."

Neville scratched the back of his neck. "Err, I don't think that's what she meant."

Before Ron said anything, Hermione interjected. "I'd love to help but I'm busy now."

"Really? That's great." Neville smiled a bit lopsided. "I didn't think you'd have time with all the classes you're taking."

Hermione brushed the gold chain hidden under her shirt. Time, if only they knew. "It's not a problem."

Ron tapped her shoulder. "Excuse me, aren't you forgetting something Hermione?"

"What are you talking about?" One of the book's vines curled around her wrist and tightened as she turned to Ron. The vine snapped back, leaving a red welt where it had squeezed.

"I'm sorry!" Neville paled and pulled the book against his chest.

"It's my fault, I should have asked for permission first." Hermione rubbed her hand and focused on Ron. "I'm not forgetting anything."

Ron crossed his arms against his chest. "That figures, just like you huh? Forget it. I'll find Harry by myself."

"I didn't forget about Harry," Hermione snapped. Books were safe. She understood them, felt at home reading the cramped words.

"As soon as you saw that book nothing else mattered."

That wasn't true. She was only distracted, nothing more. "That's not it at all."

Neville glanced back and forth between them. "Uh guys?"

"Don't butt in," Ron said.

"Don't yell at him!" Hermione shot back. Neville had nothing to do with this.

Ron stepped closer, now only inches away. "You're more concerned with your classes than friends. Harry obviously doesn't mean anything to you! In fact this whole thing is probably your fault."

"Neville, I'll help you later," Hermione said in a controlled voice. She stormed out the door they had just entered.

Snowflakes clung to her eyelashes as she ran. Hot, everywhere was hot. Her feet pounded against the snow. No, she wasn't like that. Her friends meant more. Not like Ron and Quidditch.

Hogwarts towered over her, its century-old stones filled with knowledge. How many wizards and witches did it watch grow, changing from young children to mature adults? Cracks scattered along the walls, webs reaching out towards other untouched sections.

Hermione shivered. That wasn't her.

She passed through the arches of the courtyard and was now in the main entranceway. A gust snagged the fringes of her scarf and she grabbed it before it could fully unwrap from her neck.

Movement on the bridge caught her eye. A lone figure stood gazing out at the coming storm. Hermione ran over, kicking up heaps of snow. She was just about to call when he turned towards her and she stopped, unable to close the distance.

"Harry?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had taken awhile, but Harry finally managed to find peace. Winter raged around him, violent and then gentle. Snow beat against the woodwork and each gust had a different voice.

A storm was coming.

From the corner of his eye he saw someone heading towards him, brown hair he recognized instantly.

Harry breathed in and concentrated on the cold. He didn't want to see her.

Hermione stood several feet from him, wind tugging her hair in different directions. "Harry?"

"Go away."

"Not until we talk."

"Well I don't want to talk with you."

"Harry, at least come inside. Please." Hermione stepped closer, reaching out to him.

Nothing else mattered now, not Quidditch or his supposed best friends. He kept seeing the picture of his parents' wedding and the man holding a champagne glass. His godfather. Sirius Black. No longer just a name in the 'Dailey Prophet.'

"You knew," Harry said. "And you didn't tell me."

Hermione leaned against the wooden rail, brushing off snow clumps. "I know I'm not the person that should be saying this. But you're not alone."

"Is that so? What about the other day? You lied to me."

"I know and I'm sorry."

Harry fought the urge to grab something, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. "How could you lie to me? You of all people?"

"I, I don't really know. Even now I still don't understand."

"Just forget it." A part of him had hoped that she would explain, giving him a reason why she betrayed his trust. He turned to leave and she grabbed his arm.

"Harry, just listen to me." Hermione held on tighter. "When you found me in the library I was confused; I didn't even have a chance to sort what had happened."

"That's no excuse for lying to me."

"I'm not trying to make an excuse. I'm trying to tell you the truth!"

A gust shook the bridge and snow flung in Harry's face. "I'm not sure I care about the truth anymore. It won't matter if I don't trust you."

"You're going to hear it anyway," Hermione said. "Last year you were pulled into Tom Riddle's diary. Well, that happened to me except it was Elessar's map."

Harry had been prepared for her denial, but not this. That wasn't possible. Elves didn't have that kind of magic. Except Hermione had that look in her eyes. She was serious.

"I'm not sure how it happened," Hermione said in a rush. "I noticed some words on the map that escaped my attention before. So I read a few out loud, there was no harm. They were only words. And then I felt the magic. The next thing I knew I was in Elessar's memory."

His anger faded to a dull hum. Hermione gripped her scarf and she glanced behind them as if expecting someone to appear. After all their adventures, he knew that she didn't scare easy. What had she seen? "But how's that possible? You're the last person Elessar would want to share her memories with."

"I don't think she knew. There must have been some magic in the map. And if I remember right, the fëa current felt different, stronger more defined."

"So what happened?" Harry asked.

Hermione hesitated and he nodded for her to continue. "It was the day she learned her father was dying. Her two uncles, both elves, had come to tell her."

"I don't understand. Why didn't you tell me?"

"In the memory Elessar had seemed so, I don't know, human. I wasn't prepared for that. Honestly, I don't think anything would have prepared me."

This whole fight, her lying to him was all because she had been wrong. "You mean to say was that you related to her?"

Hermione flinched and after a moment, nodded. She finally saw what Harry knew for several weeks. Since Halloween. Elf or not, Elessar wasn't much different from them.

Snow stuck to Hermione's cheeks and she brushed it aside. "It's harder to hate someone when you believe they don't have feelings."

"She hides it well, but they are there."

"I see that now, which was part of the reason I didn't say anything when you found me in the library." Hermione shook her head. "She was someone else, not the teacher I knew. The one uncle clearly hated her, but the other tried to comfort her. But she couldn't accept his love."

"I think if the Dursleys were to change, even for a moment I'd most likely reject it too." He understood how Elessar felt. "I would just be too bitter to accept it."

They stood on the bridge, both lost to their thoughts. Too many surprises, unknowns that crept behind him. His parents, Sirius Black, now Hermione and Elessar.

Hermione's eyes were closed and her cheeks were red from the biting wind. Why couldn't she trust him?

"You were right, Harry." As if sensing his stare, Hermione opened her eyes. "I asked Elessar about Sirius Black. That's when she gave me the map. I thought if I questioned her the way I wanted too I would get some kind of answer or clue."

"But that didn't happen." A weight lifted off his chest. Yes, he knew. Hearing her say it though helped push aside the hurt.

"I wanted to yell and demand answers, but I didn't," Hermione said. "Elessar was upset something she felt from the Dark Forest and I just couldn't go through with it. But she wouldn't let me leave without asking about Black, so I did."

Harry remembered after Halloween when Elessar came in late. She had seemed so tired and distracted, but he hadn't paid it much mind. Hermione, however, had. He wasn't surprised. "And that's when she told you that the teachers knew something about Black?"

"That's right." Hermione let go of his hand. He had forgotten she held it. "I didn't mean to keep that from you, but it just didn't seem important. We knew the Ministry was keeping something from you, but it would have prepared you for what McGonagall said. Plus, I knew you'd be mad that I went to bother Elessar again."

"You always lose your temper around Elessar," Harry said. "And then you turned around and kept her secrets. I don't really understand it."

"I don't understand it either. By all logical accounts, I should adore her." Hermione shivered and tugged her gloves up higher. "I suppose it's her secrets I don't trust. But she doesn't matter."

Hermione faced him. "I'm sorry. You went to me for help and I didn't come through."

"It's all right." And he meant it. Now that she explained, he felt better. She was the only one he could talk to. Ron was dependable but there were some things he didn't understand. "I just don't know what to think right now about anything. My parents were betrayed by their best friend and for what? Power?"

"They should have told you."

"I mean Lupin out of everyone should have said something. We were talking on this very same bridge barely a month ago about my parents. I trusted him."

"You should still trust him." Hermione placed her hand over his and they stayed that way. "Everyone thought this was the best way to protect you."

"What about Elessar? You're saying I should trust her?"

"I'm not telling you anything Harry." Hermione shook her head. "You need to make up your mind about her, just like me."

"And have you?"

"No, not really but I'm going to wait and see what happens. There are things I don't understand and besides, she told me herself that she hadn't earned my trust. That seemed like good advice."

He smiled. "You're right, that is good advice."

"Harry!" Ron ran towards them, his scarf flapping in the air. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh really? I seem to have found him just fine," Hermione said.

"Don't you start with me! You probably got someone to tell you where to find Harry." Ron panted, his breath a white mist.

"I did not. How did you find him?"

"Neville," Ron answered smiling.

"And it took you this long to get here?"

"Well, he didn't know exactly where Harry was, just the general direction." Ron scratched where his hat came down on his forehead.

This teasing was normal for them, but something felt off. Had they gotten into another fight? "How long have you guys been looking for me?"

"Hours!" Ron waved his arms. "Never mind that. Harry, I ran into Wood and he said you haven't been going to practice. What are you trying to do? Get yourself kicked off the team?"

"How is that important?" Hermione asked. "Harry has enough to worry about."

That's right, practice. He had forgotten. Normally flying helped clear his mind, but feeling just felt wrong. Not after he found out about his parents.

"Look, Harry, just as long as you don't do it anymore." Ron jabbed a finger at him. "I promised Wood I'd talk some sense into you."

"I don't believe you!" Hermione snapped. "You're more worried about Quidditch than your friend."

"That's not true!"

A deep growl echoed off the enclosure of the bridge, vibrating the wood. Ron stopped yelling in mid-sentence. "What, what was that?"

"I don't know." Hermione pulled at her wand, all anger gone from her face.

Wind blasted through the opening nearest Harry spraying snow in his face. Ron yelped and jumped back, smacking into Hermione. Snow stung Harry's eyes. What was going on?

Feet pounded on the wooden floor and he squinted but saw nothing through the blowing snow. He scrambled for his wand, tucked in his jacket. The grim, it had to be the grim. His heart raced.

"Harry!" Ron shouted. "In front of you!"

Through the white sheet the grim materialized. Golden eyes pierced his. The grim crashed into Harry, sending him sprawling backwards. Snow sprang into the air.

"Harry!" Ron and Hermione both yelled.

"Shra that is enough!" That voice, was it Elessar's?

Harry felt the thick fur pinning his legs to the ground. He rubbed the snow away from his eyes so he could see again.

"Shra! Get off him now!" Hermione pulled at the wolf, trying to yank her off him.

Shra wined and with reluctance moved off his legs. Hands gripped his arms helping him up. Shra's pink tongue hung out of her mouth and waged her tail.

"Shra gave you quite a scare didn't she Harry?" Ron chuckled, or tried to. His voice died out from one look at Hermione.

"That's not funny."

Professor Elessar appeared before them, her light gray cloak catching the wind. No wonder they hadn't been seen her or Shra. They didn't need an invisibility cloak. They blended perfectly.

"Are you alright?" Elessar asked.

"Yeah, I just didn't expect to be plowed down by a wolf." Harry ruffled Shar's head causing snow to fall. "I thought you were a grim!"

Shra pulled her lips back in what looked like a smile and licked his face.

"Hey, don't do that! It's freezing!"

"Harry could have been seriously hurt." Hermione shook her finger at Shra, who shrank away. "Playing pranks on students is one thing, but this is beyond that!"

"I will speak to her of this." Elessar bowed her head. "Her actions of late are unacceptable."

Shra whimpered and gave Elessar a look that reminded Harry of the 'puppy-dog face.' However, it did have the encouraged effect because Ron pet her.

"Don't listen to them." Ron jerked his head towards Hermione and Elessar. "That was bloody brilliant. Fred and George are going to be thrilled!"

"Ron, don't encourage her," said Hermione.

"Are you going somewhere?" Harry asked. Why would they be heading away from Hogwarts in the middle of this storm?

"Yavieba," Elessar said. "Elves celebrate it as a day of reflection and to remember those who have left this world."

"I've haven't heard of that." The suspicious gleam in Hermione's eyes was back. Apparently, her trust only went so far.

"I have not spoken of it. It's a day when the barrier between the worlds is weakest allowing those who have left us to hear our prayers and love more clearly."

Harry's breath caught in his throat. Elven magic was beyond their understanding. Was it possible? If he opened himself to the fëa would his parents hear him?

He clung to those thoughts, the hope they brought. Hermione squeezed his hand. He didn't know when she even took it.

Snow stuck Hermione's clothes and hair. That must have happened when he fell and the snow went into the air. She saw his gaze and brushed off the snow. "You should see yourself."

She was right. When he left this morning, the coat he wore was gray, not white. Harry wiped the snow off, even while some snuck past the barrier of his scarf and slide down his back.

"Ah!" Harry yelled as he tried to get the snow off him. "Shra did you have to jump on me like that? Now I've got snow down my back!"

Deciding they had been in the cold long enough, they walked back towards Hogwarts. Elessar, Ron and Hermione were several feet ahead of him with Harry trailing behind. He was leaving the comfort of the storm. The cold that made him forget.

Shra nudged his arm.

"What is it?"

She tilted her head, golden eyes staring into his. Harry thought he heard a faint voice calling to him. He took a deep breath. There was no harm in trying.

"I'm thinking about my parents and Sirius Black." His elvish was off terribly, the sounds hoarse instead of beautiful. Didn't he even say 'parents' correctly?

"Use them."

Harry froze. It couldn't be. Elessar was several feet ahead, talking with Hermione and Ron. So, it wasn't her. Harry knelt beside Shra. "Shra? Was that you?"

The wolf nodded.

"How can you understand me? My elvish was dreadful."

"You've opened yourself to me. Words are a vehicle for the real magic. Every human could speak with animals if they opened their hearts to the fëa."

"Why me? Why hasn't Hermione figured this out yet?"

"The fëa is accessible to you because Voldemort's powers influenced you as a child. You can hear me while the others still cannot.

"Oh." Harry sneezed and wiped his nose with his glove which didn't help much. "What did you mean about me when you first spoke to me?"

"Call on them; those feelings will help you."

"My feelings?"

"They are powerful. Do not push them aside; call on them to aid you."

Harry shook his head. "I don't see how that's possible. I couldn't even concentrate in my classes because I couldn't stop thinking about my parents."

"You will learn, just as Elessar did."

Harry stopped and stared at Shra. "You mean, about her uncles?"

Shra's eyes narrowed. "You surprise me, Harry Potter. I doubt she has spoken of this to you."

"No, uh not exactly." The day in the library came to mind, the map in Hermione's hands. What had happened between Elessar and her uncles? And why didn't she know about her father's health?

"Harry, quit wasting time! I'm freezing!" Ron yelled.

Hermione, Ron and Elessar stood waiting for them. He wanted to ask more. This was his chance.

Shra headed toward the three. "Do not concern yourself with Black. There are many truths yet to be revealed, but never close off from feelings."

Harry's head whipped back to Shra. "What?"

Shra bounded towards Ron and Hermione, her tail whipping back and forth as she ran. He shivered and hurried after her. Truths?

"Come on, Harry!" shouted Ron. "I'm in the mood for some hot chocolate."

"Always thinking about food," said Hermione.

No longer was there a light dusting of snow falling from the sky, but came down in heavier clumps that stuck to their clothes. Elessar absently rubbed her shoulders. "I'll never get used to the cold."

Harry froze.

Ron threw a ball of snow at Hermione, pelting her in the back. She waved her wand at him threatening a hex he'd have no hope of breaking. Shra ran in circles between them and Elessar smiled.

She was wearing gloves. He hadn't noticed before. But that's not possible. Since when did elves feel the cold?