Through Darkness and Light

Through Darkness and Light

Chapter 3

Facing Yourself

Calrheane shut the door and leaned against it. The darkness was a welcome relief. Her eyes adjusted to the dim light and located the single piece of luggage in the center of room.

"You survived."

"That is a matter of opinion."

She sighed, enjoying the cool air brushing against her flush skin.

"A headache," she said more to herself than the wolf inspecting the room, "when was the last time I had one?"

"I would not know." Shra circled the small lounge and sniffed the air.

"No, I suppose not."

Her eyes narrowed and realization dawned on her. "Elves do not get headaches."

"You're not an elf."

Part of her was grateful for those words while another part was angered. She would not be in this situation if not for them.

"Nor am I human."

The wolf's gold eyes bore into her own and once again she sensed Shra's uncanny wisdom. "I am Shra, you are Calrheane. You just are."

She smirked. "Perhaps that is the simplest explanation."

"Simple? Hardly. You are not simple."

"And neither are you, my friend."

"There is a letter here." Shra reached onto a small table and grabbed the white envelope. She trotted over and Calrheane took it from her.

"What does it say? Have they already relieved you of your position?"

"That may not be far from the truth."

"Who's it from?"

Calrheane read the letter, her stomach churning. What was this feeling?

"Calrheane Elessar,

It is requested that you appear at the Ministry of Magic on September the 20^th for a full evaluation. In accordance with our laws, your case will be put forth to the Council questioning forth your rights within the wizarding world as a non-human..."

The letter went on, but she crumbled it and let it fall. Her ears picked heard the small thump when it hit the ground.

"That may have been important you know."

"I care not."

"I don't blame you either." Shra snorted. "Who do they think they are? A 'non-human?' It was my understanding that elves came before mortals anyway. And to think the laws of Men could apply to you or me."

"They fear me," she whispered. After all these years she should have grown accustomed to this; how naïve of her to believe differently.

"It is only natural to fear what one does not understand. You of all should know this."

"This is not unexpected," she said steering from the subject. "Dumbledore had been expecting as much."

"Then you will go?"

"I have little say in the matter. It is required."

"If you knew this would occur, then I leave you to it."

Calrheane's fingers trailed down the tip of her ear. Such a small thing; hardly noticeable if she let her hair down. It was the only evident difference between her and mortals.

Yet, it was not her ears that dictated this life, but her soul. To think that the Vala would allow the rules separating the two races to be broken, and for what?

"What am I doing here?"

"You know as well as I."

Yes, to slip away would be easy; to return those days when she wandered in silence. Was it worth the hurt to try again?

"I shall never belong."

"And yet here you are trying."

"Perhaps I am a fool."

"A fool is nothing more than one with foolish emotions after all."

"Human emotions," she said aloud without realizing she had.

"And if you were a fool then you would have died in your family's time, just as you wanted. The Dannen would have killed you."

Her jaw clenched and she pushed away from the door, refusing to acknowledge the shame she felt at Shra's words.

"Who are you to say such things to me? Is it wrong to wish to live with your family?"

"Why must you dwell on what cannot be changed? You were born different because you are needed. Just as you need me."

"I need no one."

"What about your friend, the one that traveled with you in Middle-Earth?"

Calrheane froze and her heart constricted, nails digging into her palms. The serene facade she developed living among elves never held around Shra.

"You have no right."

"Do not pretend. As few as they were, there were those who called you 'companion.' Why do push them aside and allow anger to rule you?"

Those words sought the place where her memories remained, hidden deep within her consciousness.

"You know not of what you speak."

"I know enough. Why do you fear this?"

"I choose not to remember. This does not mean I am afraid."

"I see no difference. If you don't fear, why desire to forget? Why must you forget him?"

"He is better left forgotten."

The sorrow in his blue eyes when she told him her decision, knowing that they would never meet again in this life or the next; even now she still ran.

"I understand that it's painful, but is it not more painful to be alone?"

"To be alone is all I know."

"Then he and I have failed."

"Why do you care? Why have you followed me? Everyone else was more than content to leave me be."

"You need me," Shra replied impassive to Calrheane's anger. "Why now of all times do you demand to know?"

"Because everything has changed."

Shra shook her head, the white hairs shining a golden color from the torch's light. "Nothing has changed except that you are no longer able to flee. Whether it was your desire or not, you cannot change the path set before you."

There was something different in Shra's words, an emotion that called to Calrheane and it was one that mirrored her own. Loneliness? Those eyes regarded her with an intensity that left her knees shaking.

Calrheane's shoulders slumped and she slid to the floor, her dress fanning out on the ground. Minutes passed by, the only sound coming from the flickering flame in the corner.

"After all these years I can still see the lords and ladies of my father's court glaring at me as," she whispered. "I was too young to understand the resentment and contempt in their eyes."

The truth escaped and it was too late to take them back. From the scullery boys to those of noble blood, all humans feared her. The elf who should have been born a human.

"I suppose I am a fool, the outcome will be the same."

She stroked Shra's head, her fingers running through the fur that was coarse and soft at the same time.

There were issues left unsaid between them, but it didn't matter. For in these moments they were kindred spirits. As much as Calrheane denied it otherwise, she was thankful for Shra.

The moon passed over the window, its white light gracing the small room before continuing on its nightly course.

Unbidden, thoughts of Remus surfaced. A nauro alive in this time; how had she missed their presence? Was she so blinded by her path that she hadn't seen what was before her?

"Do you think it's wise to go through with this?" Shra asked, pulling Calrheane from her thoughts.

"You mean Zirak?"

"Yes. They will be in danger now with you here. Is that what you want?"

"This school is a target whether or not I'm here. I still have to try."

"Try to protect them or try to remember what it means to be human?"

"How can I remember something that I've never been?" For once there was no anger in Calrheane's voice just weariness that seemed to settle around her like a blanket.

"Is that entirely true? You grew up among elves and humans. You are both."

"And both rejected me."

Shra nudged Calrheane in her stomach. "If you believed that then you would not be here."

She smiled. Tonight Shra was relentless and perhaps that was the correct approach.

"I can feel him. For all these years I have trained and now the moment is at hand and there's nothing I can. The more imminent threat is these human children."

"I do not envy you."

"No, of course not, you were the one cowering underneath the table the whole time."

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. I was tired."

"Of course."

The light from the torch burned low and the room darkened. Calrheane's eyes traveled to the large, rectangular box resting on a table, the ends of it hanging off the edge. Her smile fell.

As much as she desired her life to have turned out differently, she was here now with only a wolf to share her burdens. The thought was bittersweet, and yet she was hoping to fit into a world that had no place for her.

"It is easier to forget happiness knowing what I must face. But you are right; I will never forget, just as I will never be able to rid myself of you."

Shra snorted before pulling her lips back to reveal white canines. "It has taken you long enough to realize that."

* * * * * * * *

"Harold, dear, is that a dog reading a newspaper?"

Sirius jerked his head in the direction the female voice.

An old couple peered intently at him, mothball covered robes hanging off thin shoulders. The man adjusted his owl-eyed glasses.

"Martha, that's absurd. Dogs don't read newspapers, the poor fellar was probably lookin' for a nice dinner."

Instinct told Sirius to run while the logical part of him countered that if he acted the part he wouldn't look suspicious. He turned his body in hopes that they wouldn't see the crystal phial that stood out as clear as day against his black fur.

Act like a dog, he thought.

The woman shook her head and clutched the opening of her magenta cloak. "I could have sworn the dog turned the page with his paw."

"No, no you must have imagined it my dear." He patted her hand and glanced back at Sirius. "See, he's just curious is all."

The man rubbed his charcoal-colored whiskers thoughtfully. "Of course, he could he be magical. Though I don't remember any dogs in these parts that could read a newspaper, maybe we should see if he's lost?"

"You mean speak with him? I guess he might understand us if he can read a newspaper."

Well that was enough for Sirius. His whole mission was to stay out of sight not attracting any attention, so what did he go and do? Attract attention.

The couple continued to debate whether or not they should leave him alone, so Sirius made up the choice for them. He snatched the newspaper and dashed into the alley.

Without glancing back he crawled under a chain-link fence. Sections of the paper tore off.

Damn! This day was just not going well for him.

The apartments loomed above him on both sides, their sizes indicating that he was heading toward the city. Saliva dripped from his mouth and soaked the paper, knowing that the words were smudging.

He spat out the newspaper and flattened it with his paw, mindful of the wet spots.

On the front page in bright flashing letters the Daily Prophet read, "Half-Elf to teach at Hogwarts!"

He snorted. They were just myths, legends that parents told to their children for bedtime stories. At least they had been until she had shown up. And why the hell, out of her long immortal life, did she have to show up now?

He scanned the article and found where he'd left off when he was interrupted. 'Ministry officials have not yet made any official comments on the sudden appearance of the elf, one of the Eldar thought to have left this world thousands of years ago. Reporters have been owling Hogwarts ever since Headmaster Albus Dumbledore announced the new teaching curriculum, but as of this point no interview has been granted.

Mrs. Elba Flemming whose son is a 3^rd year at Hogwarts, commented, "This truly is marvelous. I don't really mind or care much why she's here; just imagine what she can tell us about the past. Perhaps she can finally give our history closure."

Not everyone agreed with this optimistic opinion as Mr. Alexander Wright explained, "The past is meant to stay in the past. No good will come of digging it up."

Either way you look at it, Professor Calrheane Elessar has caused quite an uproar with many demanding to know who she is and where she came from. Where did the elves go and why did they leave? And of course, the all important question, did Professor Elessar bring back with her the key to immortality?'

Yeah right, like she was about to offer insight into immortality. Absolutely ridiculous; then again he shouldn't be surprised that the Prophet was reporting that kind of nonsense.

As interesting as this new arrival was, it now complicated his situation even more.

How did one sneak by an elf? Rumor said she had the ability to walk through walls and talk to animals. Yet that was the problem; no one knew what she could do.

In the end, none of it mattered. Elf or not, he was going to Hogwarts.

Ever since that night in the alleyway, he hadn't been able to get the image of Harry out of his head.

James would still be around if it hadn't been for him. Everything he fought for had come crashing down when he saw their bodies. He couldn't even save the one good thing he had in his life, James.

Enough! This would get him no where.

Sirius scratched his stomach with his hind leg. Damn fleas. This was the one part he hated most, and for cryin' out loud it wasn't like he had much meat on him to begin with!

Sirius peered out from behind the dustbin, he didn't know why but that itch was back. Something felt off, as if suddenly the world had grown dim.

The alley grew darker, following the ascent of the sun. This reminded him of that night when Harry had runaway.

Sirius shivered remembering the cold that tightened around his heart, forcing him to watch as veins of ice traveled down the pavement towards him. All those years fighting against Voldemort, he knew what dark magic felt like. That mist was something else entirely.

Honestly, the wizard couple from earlier must have gotten to him. Now he was being paranoid about an evil fog sneaking up on him.

Sirius turned to the third page of the newspaper.

His humor didn't lighten the mood, and instead made it worse. He sighed; there was no sense worrying about things he had no control over.

No matter what happened, he would be ready. After all, everything he did, he did for Harry. Sirius lifted his head and caught side of a few dim stars in the darkening sky.

And of course, for you James.