I Believe In You

Ch. 1A: Easier To Run- Inspired by Linkin Park's "Easier to Run" from Meteora

It's easier to run/

Replacing this pain with something numb/

It's so much easier to go/

Than face all this pain here all alone/

Something has been taken/

From deep inside of me/

A secret I've kept locked away/

No one can ever see/

Wounds so deep they never show/

They never go away/

Like moving pictures in my head/

For years and years they've played/

If I could change I would /

Take back the pain I would/

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would/

If I could/

Stand up and take the blame I would/

If I could take all the shame to the grave I

Would/

It's easier to run/

Replacing this pain with something numb/

It's so much easier to go/

Than face all this pain here all alone/

Sometimes I remember/

The darkness of my past/

Bringing back these memories/

I wish I didn't have/

Sometimes I think of letting go/

And never looking back/

And never moving forward so/

There would never be a past/

If I could change I would /

Take back the pain I would/

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would/

If I could /

Stand up and take the blame I would/

If I could take all the shame to the grave I

Would/

Just washing it aside/

All of the emptiness inside/

Pretending I don't feel misplaced/

Is so much simpler than change/

It's easier to run/

Replacing this pain with something numb/

It's so much easier to go/

Than face all this pain here all alone/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within the vast walls of the secluded Malfoy Manor, in the private study of Lucius Malfoy, Draco was receiving a "stern talking to" for his recent and unsavory behavior.

"Draco," began Lucius Malfoy, "why do you continue to disobey me? It is bad enough that you were not top student for your year, but to be beaten by a fucking Gryffinfor mudblood!" Lucius was now yelling. "You've disgraced not only the Malfoy name, but purebloods the world over. You won't even have the chance to redeem yourself."

Draco had just completed his 7^th, and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Though he was Head Boy, and 2^nd overall, his performance could not match that of Hermione Granger.

"You know that Master will not be very pleased with you."

Draco turned to face the fireplace as his father continued to talk of the greatness of his master. It took all of Draco's self-restraint not to snigger as his father talked of on. Despite how powerful Voldemort was he was no master of Draco. Voldemort aroused no fear within him. His father might kiss Voldemort's ass, but he, Draco Malfoy, would never stoop so low. In fact, for all he cared, Voldemort could go fuck himself.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Lucius asked impatiently.

Draco just continued to stare into the fireplace on the opposite side of the room, lost in his own thoughts.

"Well," Lucius prompted his heir. As Draco lifted his head to look at his father, he realized that his father's anger was palpable and ready to explode.

"What can I say, the mudblood bitch is smart." Draco winced as the words escaped his mouth. Judging from the look on his father's face that had not been the answer his Lucius wanted to hear. Hell, Draco thought that despite any answer he gave, it would never appease the situation in his father's eyes.

Draco's piercing silver eyes suddenly widened in fear. Fear was an emotion that only his father could arouse in the young man.

Lucius pulled out his wand and muttered the ominous spell. Draco knew it was coming. This spell had been performed on him often enough; he knew all the signs. His father would sigh, almost contentedly, then a sinister and sadistic smile would grace his face, finally, he would whisper the spell that Draco dreaded.

"Crucio," Lucius muttered in a soft voice. He watched as his son, his heir, his property began to writhe in pain.

"I'm hurting just as much as you are," he yelled over his son's screams, "I don't gain any pleasure by causing you pain." Lucius laughed at his own joke. He knew very well that he loved bringing pain to all creatures, especially his son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Narcissa Malfoy sat in the formal living room and looked through a large window, concentrating on the view of the numerous acres of Malfoy land.

This was the one freedom she allowed herself. This was the only time she was truly ever at peace with herself.

-I've never been there for him.

Narcissa always tried to avoid thinking of the past and all of her mistakes. It was just easier to run away from everything, rather than face it.

-I don't even deserve to be called his mother. I'm quite sure he doesn't consider me as such.

Throughout all of the 17 years of Draco's life, she had always turned a blind eye to the abuse Lucius undoubtedly caused her son. It wasn't because of fear that she didn't stop Lucius, nor was it because she never felt something toward Draco; she just loved Lucius more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Narcissa sat in the Slytherin common room, reading over her charms essay. She had always had a knack for charms and took great pride in the fact that she was the top charms student within the fifth year class.

Suddenly, the portrait door swung open, and through the opening came Lucius Malfoy, seventh year prefect. He looked smug, haughty, and aristocratic. Everything, from his sharply pointed features down to the way he walked screamed to everyone who had ever seen him that he was a pureblood and was extremely proud of it.

Narcissa stopped to stare at the Slytherin prefect. He was handsome; there was no doubt about that. His face was all sharp angles, with high cheekbones and pale skin, but what stood out most were his eyes, piercing silver that held a certain dangerous and wild essence.

As her gaze lowered, she could imagine what kind of body must have been hiding underneath the layer of robes. Lucius was keeper and captain of the Slytherin quidditch team. All of their training obviously paid off, considering that one could tell, even through layers of clothing, that there lurked and almost god-like physique.

Narcissa knew she was hooked as he looked toward her, obviously feeling eyes upon him. The air of power that surrounded him was intoxicating. As he looked her in the eye and gave the infamous Malfoy smirk, she knew she now belonged to him, and so did he.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-I don't even know who I am anymore. Didn't I have ambitions other than being with Lucius. I think I used to be good at charms. How long has it been since I've actually picked up my wand.

She had once been a person with her own thoughts and feelings, but that all changed when she met Lucius. Of course she had suffered her fair share of abuse from the man, but Narcissa believed with all of her heart that he loved her as much as she loved him.

In order to stop feeling the pain that Lucius caused, she replaced her emotion with numbness; an indifference that protected her from pain, but also hindered her from being the mother she should have been. The only emotion that was allowed to spill through that uncaring cover she wore was the love she felt for her husband.

Narcissa Malfoy was no longer her own person. Her husband defined her. Without Lucius, she was nothing. No matter how many affairs he had, no matter how many times he had caused her pain, she need him in order to breathe; in order to live.

For a time, Narcissa had even gone as far as to convince herself that whatever torture Lucius bestowed upon she and her son was deserved. She told herself that they needed to be punished for their insolent behavior.

Then she'd heard it. A piercing, tortured scream broke through her thoughts.

-That's Draco. I've never heard him scream before. How could I not hear it?

She had known that Draco had experienced the cruciatus curse before, but nothing had prepared her for hearing his actual screams.

-And I've never been there for him. I never held him. I never comforted him. And now, he is a man.

Draco was all grown up. She had missed 17 years. She had missed every milestone. She'd missed his first word, his first crush, his first kiss.

-I don't even know who Draco is.

It was as if she had awakened from a long slumber. She knew she could never go back and change the past, but she to do something to make up for it all.

Draco sat propped up on his bed looking around his sparse bedroom. The décor was rather uninspired, even by Malfoy standards. Everything, of course, was green with dark mahogany wood used for all of the dressers and the large bed in the center of the room.

The Malfoy held his hands up to his face. They were still trembling from the curse that had been lifted only minutes ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flshback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco continued to scream through his father's little speech. All he could feel was an all-consuming pain. Though he had been through this before, he would never be used to the pain it caused, nor did he think he would ever be used to it.

"You don't deserve the name Malfoy. Malfoys are strong, and independent. They are number one at everything they do. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," Draco somehow managed to choke out through the throbbing pain that encompassed his body.

"Who are you Draco?" Draco could barely think through the pain.

"Who are you?" Lucius yelled, kicking Draco in the gut simultaneously.

"A Malfoy"

"Good boy. What are you Draco?"

"Pure," came Draco's strangled reply.

"Who do you serve Draco?"

"No One"

"What did you say?" Lucius roared.

"No One."

"I will ask you one more time, and if you don't answer accordingly, I will kill you right here and now. Who Do You Serve?" Lucius made sure to stress every syllable.

Draco thought about it, or thought as much about it as he could through all of the torture he was experiencing. Death seemed almost merciful at the moment.

"Lord Voldemort," Draco replied.

"I thought you'd say that."

Lucius suddenly ended the curse. Draco could barely move, the residual pain still resonating through his body.

"Twinkie!" Lucius yelled. Suddenly a very small, and, obviously, scared house elf appeared in the room. "Deposit this disgrace to his room. I can't stomach to look at him right now."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco could not remember how many times he had been beaten and put under foul curses because he was not enough of a Malfoy, because he was not cowardly enough to serve the great "Dark Lord."

Ever since he had been young enough to understand language, he had been drilled in the area of the dark arts. When he cried he was hit for being weak, when he wanted comfort he was pushed away. Anger was all that he was supposed to feel. Every other emotion, compassion, kindness, empathy, were all for the weak, which no Malfoy was.

Malfoys were the quintessence of neutrality. They had a self-restraint like no other people, wizard or muggle alike. They were so skilled in the art of masking their true emotions that even their eyes did not show what they, themselves, did not want others to see. The only emotion one could sense from any Malfoy was anger, for their anger was always palpable at best.

So Draco hid his emotions. Of course he felt the hurt of being beaten by his father, of course he felt the hurt of never being loved by his mother. But his emotions were his little secret, locked in a place that no one could find them. All he let surface was the indifference, the numbness, and the anger. All Malfoys had a cool and apathetic exterior, and that is what he, Draco Malfoy showed to the world.

Every Malfoy heir had to live up to the last. They had an image to uphold. Malfoys were the embodiment of the perfect Slytherin. They were the personification of what every pureblood family strived to be. The name Malfoy was synonymous with power, grace, intelligence, purity, and aristocracy.

Draco had once looked up to his father. To Draco, he was the embodiment of power and manliness, and Draco aspired to be just like him for most of his life. He believed that the Malfoys were a race apart, even among purebloods. He believed that Malfoys held power and bowed down to no one. Every beating and hex he had received, Draco had once believed he deserved, as long as it helped him become the Malfoy his father was. All of his images of his father changed when he accompanied his father to a death eater meeting. When Voldemort called Lucius to him, he, Lucius actually bowed down to the ugly ass monster, and if that weren't enough, he actually kissed the hem of his robes as if he were some fucking god.

The issue of his mother was another thing he kept secret from the rest of the world. How many other kids had a mother who was there, but did not love them. Narcissa had always been cold to him. Just as it was with his father, he could not remember one solitary moment in which he and his mother had ever said more than three words to each other at a time. Even when he was young, she was always indifferent toward him. After each beating he received from Lucius, he used to call out to his mother, expecting comfort, and instead, he received the cold shoulder. He used to cry when his mother pushed him away, but after several beatings, he had not cried, even when he was by himself, for any reason at all.

No, his mother was not a mother at all. Her actions had caused him to hate her almost as much as he hated Lucius.

Draco's anger grew as he remembered what had taken place within Lucius' study what seemed a mere moments before.

-I can't believe I said I served that bastard Voldemort.

Draco's anger only continued to grow as he remembered what his father had said about being a Malfoy. In Draco's opinion, he was more a Malfoy than his father ever was and ever would be.

-Malfoys don't serve anyone but themselves. Malfoys don't bow before ugly ass dark lords like mere servants. Malfoys are better than that. Lucius is the real disgrace to the Malfoy name, not me. I'll be a Hufflepuff before I ever serve that halfblooded motherfucker. I have to get the fuck out of here before Lucius tries to make me ruin my flawless skin with that dark mark.

As Draco began drafting a plan, he heard a soft knock on his door.

"You house elves leave me the fuck alone," Draco yelled, annoyed at being disturbed.

"Draco, it's me." Narcissa Malfoy entered his room.

"Hello 'mother'," Draco said sarcastically, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I came here to apologize for never being there."

Draco let a slightly surprised expression briefly grace his features. The surprise as his mother's apology soon turned to indifference.

"Why," Draco started, "you've never loved me. You've always been a sorry excuse of a mother. If this is one of those 'I always loved you-can we still have a relationship' speeches, then you should leave for it's far too late for that. If not, tell me what you want and leave."

"You're right, I never exactly loved you, but you are my son, and though I've never been a part of your life, I want to help you," Narcissa replied dispassionately.

"Help me? When have you ever wanted to help me? I can remember countless times that I had asked you for help, and do you know what you said? You said nothing. You just turned your back on me." If it weren't for the fact that he could use this chance confession of his mother to his advantage, he would've thrown her out already.

"I know exactly what I've done is the past, but I want to somehow rectify the situation before I die. It wouldn't due to die knowing that I had never done anything for my own son. Whatever you need of me, I will help you, but only this once."

"Guilt is a very powerful motivator isn't it?"

"Yes, Draco, it is."

"O.K. Let's cut the small shit. I need you to help me escape from here. All I need from you is some money, a safe house, and a plan to distract Lucius. I'll handle the rest."

"So you want to leave then?" Narcissa said apathetically. "I can't say I'm very surprised. Although I would've thought you'd do it sooner."

"And why would you think that?"

"Call it mother's intuition."

"I guess it's faulty then. Oh well, I suppose only real mothers are born with the gift of actually knowing their children. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I suppose."

"Why were you never there?" Draco asked suddenly. He'd always wanted to ask his "mother" this question.

"I never wanted children, but back then, I would've done anything Lucius wanted me to do. I still would in fact. He wanted an heir; I gave him one. I live for Lucius and no one else."

The two bodies within the room, mother and son, stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Within that time, an understanding had been reached. Neither mother nor son loved each other, but now, they knew each other's motivations. They knew why the other one did what they did.

"You can leave now," Draco said quietly.

"I will tell you when everything has been arranged," and with that, Narcissa left.