Let the Darkness Become You

Let the Darkness Become You

*~*

Chapter Six

Six parts lovelace, two petals of dripthorn, a dash of prueon and add a sprig of lavender.... recipe for my first perfume. ~Diary of Pansy Parkinson

~*~

It was with a significantly heavier trunk that I prepared for my return from Christmas holiday. Despite the fact that I had felt annihilated from even my own relatives there were a few who I was surprised to receive a sincere gift from. Georgina bought me a variety of small gifts in the form of jewelry and perfumes; things that I had never given much consideration but was thrilled to have. Charles had gruffly handed me a horribly wrapped game of Wizard's Duel, turning slightly red as I thanked him in barely concealed shock. Xavier had simply winked and handed me an envelope, making me promise not to open it until I returned to Hogwarts. And as was the usual with Grandmother my gifts came in a variety of new clothes with her undeniable "touch" to them.

When the Hogwarts Express finally deposited me and my friends at our snow laden school I was surprised at the feeling of morose that overcame me as I thought back to my time at Esteria. I had never truly expected to enjoy myself as I did and the thought left a pleasant pink glow under my cheeks as I rode up to the school in one of the horse drawn sleds. Surveying the school as I neared, I decided to take Xavier's words to heart. After all, when had I ever really gotten to act like my age?

If my friends noticed a change in me that spring they didn't comment, but I began to notice the subtle differences that overcame our housemates that year. With a sudden newborn sense of adventure I formed a tighter friendship with my three dorm mates that year. Forever having been labeled as the "proper" one I suddenly found myself immersed in the most daring of our wicked plots and could often enough be found leading our missions.

I never realized the little details that I seemed to have missed in life, such as the late night talks with Millicent, boy scouting with Daphne, or daring exploits with the shockingly adventurous Tracey. We spent more time with the boys and the Slytherin common room became one of our favorite haunts as the days of our third year flew by.

I excluded myself from the others one night in an attempt to work on a potion I had been speculating over. The others were crowded around the fire playing Boggart What as Daphne did a hilarious imitation of the Great Squid. I laughed softly in the corner I had hidden away in before returning to my problem. After Daphne had posed the question of whether you could create your own perfumes with a magical hint of whatever feeling or purpose went into the perfumes, I was determined to attempt to come up with a potion for something similar.

It was some time later when I found myself scribbling down my ideas absently; the theory for the potion still evading me. Having been seated near the entrance way I glanced up as Draco sauntered in with a smirk emblazoned across his face. It was the look that generally meant he had been with Turpin. Noticing me, he moved over to claim the seat next to me, seating crossways so that he was facing me.

I subtly covered up my work, embarrassed by the thought of being caught doing something so... girlish.

"Tell me, Pansy," he said, gray eyes dancing, "how does it happen that Lisa got green ink all over her books?"

I grinned wickedly at the perfect scheme Millicent and I had performed that afternoon. I could make a fortune on time bomb inkwells if I had the time for mass distribution. Batting my lashes innocently at Draco, I replied, "Well, maybe the sunlight reflecting off your head blinded her and she tripped and spilled her ink all over her books?"

He laughed softly, joining me in my amusement. "Or," he offered, "it's possible that a certain Slytherin sabotaged her things. Did you time it to where I was almost deaf from her screams, or did you just get lucky?"

Smirking, I retorted, "Lucky would have been if you'd gotten hit too."

Sighing, Draco asked, "Do you think you could resist from terrorizing my girlfriend? It complicates our," he winked, "time together."

"Pity," I declared dryly, laughter suddenly abated.

He frowned at my sudden shift in moods and instead focused on my papers. I pulled them out of his reach just as he moved to grab them. Smiling, he said, "What are you working on? More attempts to ruin my perfectly satisfactory relationship?"

I snorted. "If you can call what you have a relationship."

Draco reached out to play with one of my errant curls and I absently slapped his hand away too preoccupied to realize that he had masked the gesture to steal my papers. By the time I finally noticed he was guffawing over the papers in wicked glee.

"A potion for perfume, Pansy dear?" he taunted, smirking devilishly.

I glanced around to make sure no one else was paying attention before giving him a deadly glare. "So?" I demanded, bristling defensively. "I am a girl, Malfoy."

He tossed the papers onto the table as he rose and stretched languidly. "Relax," he said through a yawn, "I was only joking."

When I merely sniffed in reply, gathering what remained of my dignity he smirked and leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of me. "Besides," he added in a low voice, leaning down until his face was near my own as he drawled, "I like the perfume you're wearing much better."

Grinning, I placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer. "Really?" I whispered into his ear. "I'm surprised you can smell it through that suffocating stuff you call cologne."

He laughed; the sound seeming to vibrate through me at our nearness. When he pulled back slightly I met his eyes and was surprised at the foreign emotion I found in their silver depths. I looked down hastily and moved my hand as if burned, suddenly aware of just how close we were.

"Why Pansy," he teased, "you're blushing!"

"No," I snapped, angry at the warm fuzz I felt rush to my face, "I was just running out of air in that smelly haze."

Taking the hint he moved away with a scowl, frustrated. "Goodnight," he muttered and moved towards the boys' dormitory.

I watched after his stalking form with confusion. Unsure about what had just occurred.

*~*

Uneventful weeks passed by in a haze of classes and Hogsmeade visits. I was in the library one afternoon, finishing up on a project for Transfiguration, when Draco strode into the library. I swore when I realized that he was not alone.

Of course Turpin would tag along where ever Draco went. Despite our numerous attempts to humiliate her publicly the Ravenclaw wasn't stupid enough to be thwarted from the catch she had accumulated in Draco. Just the fact that she was dating him made her almost godly in the eyes of the other girls in our year who obviously thought Draco was the prime catch. The thought of a superior Turpin made me want to vomit.

Draco apparently didn't mind all the extra attention, or "worshipping" as Millicent and I had taken to calling it. After all, if you excluded their horribly clichéd and technically terrible tastes, Turpin was considered one of the most popular and prettiest girls of the third years. Whenever I had the opportunity I couldn't help but study them together. Turpin had some annoying habits that anyone in Slytherin wouldn't have been caught dead doing. We hated overly demonstrated public emotion and instead of using a well placed touch or glance she was practically draped over Draco's arm.

Finally noticing me he immediately altered his path. As soon as the Ravenclaw realized where they were headed she turned and whispered something furiously to Draco who just ignored her.

Joining me at the table he set his books down. "Have you finished your Potions essay yet?"

"Yes," I answered, locking eyes with Lisa Turpin.

I smirked as she tapped an impatient foot, refusing to sit.

He opened his book. "Excellent. Can I copy?"

"No!" I promptly told him, returning my attention to him as he shuffled among my papers. I snatched them out of his hand.

"Draco?" The Ravenclaw cooed. "I don't feel like studying here."

The blonde turned towards her. "Okay, so don't."

Looking affronted, she turned on her heel and strode away.

"Smooth," I said, eyes returning to my work. "Don't you know you have to be nice to your..." I gave a delicate pause, "girlfriends?"

He grinned. "She'll get over it. Lisa does anything I want."

"I knew she was lacking something," I commented sarcastically. "It must be her brain. What idiot is smart enough to listen to you?"

Grey eyes met my own at the challenge.

"On the contrary," he said, "she's very smart in other areas."

Glaring at him, I returned to my work rather than continue along the current vein of conversation.

Unperturbed, Draco opened another book. "So, have you done History of Magic yet?"

"No."

"Dark Arts?"

"Possibly. Why?"

"I need the answers to numbers two and three."

Familiar with his study habits I raised my brows in surprise. "Is that all?"

He grinned. "And everything else."

As always, I relented and shoved my labourous work at him. We studied silently for some time before I looked up to find him watching me thoughtfully, grey eyes shaded as the sunlight shined through the windows behind him.

"What?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably.

Draco shrugged. "You remember that agreement we made last summer?" At my nod he added, "I was thinking of starting to use it a little."

I settled back in my chair, watching his face carefully. "What did you have in mind?" I wondered, fiddling with a quill.

"I need some help," he admitted, scowling as I raised my brows in disbelief. "I'm not doing that well in Potions."

"I see," I replied slowly, "so you need... tutoring?"

He glared at me. "No," he retorted defiantly, "I need extensive studying."

A grin tugged determinedly at my lips, but sensing it would not be welcome I struggled with it. Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear I nodded. "Okay, when would you like to start?"

"I would prefer if this stayed between us," he insisted. "How about in the evenings sometime? We're always in the commons. I'll just let you know when I feel like it."

"When you feel like studying?" I repeatedly stupidly, wondering if he even knew how ridiculous he sounded.

He frowned at me. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah, we could just set a certain time to meet," I replied. "You know, like normal students."

Draco waved away the suggestion, already standing to gather his books. "I don't have time for that. Besides, I'm not that bloody stupid or desperate. I just need to polish up my skills."

Looking towards the pile of work I still had before me I wondered how he ever finished his assignments on time. "Okay, so how about tonight?"

He grinned. "I won't know until tonight. I'll get back to you on it."

"You mean after you decide whether or not you and Turpin are going to have you're annual snog," I retorted caustically, suddenly fed up with his assumption that I would be at his every beck and call.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Geez, Pansy. You really need to lighten up and live a little. Nobody likes a prude."

"Nobody likes a whore either!" I called after him as he strode away, weaving between the tables.

He merely waved without even pausing, his hair glinting in the dim light of the room as he left the library. Looking at the books around me with disgust I pushed them away and went in search of the other girls, determined to prove that I wasn't going to be waiting around for his damned summons. One of these days someone was going to have to prove to Draco that money and what vaguely bordered on good looks did not make him the god of Slytherin.

*~*

The following weeks were living hell to be truthful as Draco continued to preside over my thinning patience. It only stood to reason that we could work together for so long without fighting and the inevitable finally happened.

I sighed impatiently as the large crowd around Draco laughed at his seventeen thousandth description of Potter fainting. While I had to admit that it was pretty hilarious I was exhausted, cranky and tired of waiting for Draco to motion for me to head with him towards the library. For the past two weeks he had been waiting until absurdly late hours to finally begin the tedious work of "polishing" his potion skills.

"No wonder Turpin likes you so much, Malfoy," I snapped, feeling unusually angry. "If all you do is talk about the same things over and over again it must not be too difficult for the idea to sink into her pretty little head. You would think that you could at least get some new material."

Although our group was used to our usual bickering, my voice had the angry tone of malice to it that silenced them. Draco looked over at me boredly from his lounge across from me. While he looked nonchalant enough in the firelight I didn't miss the glint of warning in his eyes as they slipped into steely storm clouds. "Yeah, well it doesn't take much to satisfy the simple ones. Maybe there will be hope for you after all, Pans. I mean not everyone is going to expect too much from a stiff like you."

The insult hit home as Millicent gave Draco a dark scowl and I simply stared at him in astonishment. "Piss off, Malfoy!" I snapped irritably, standing abruptly to storm out of the commons.

The corridors were dark as I stalked down the hallway furiously, not even caring that I was out after curfew. Lately, Draco's carefully barbed insults had been steadily chipping at what remained of my resolve and my only thought at the moment was that I wanted to kill something; preferably Draco, but at the moment any lost Gryffie would do.

I had just made it to the end of the dungeon corridor when I heard the approach of footsteps behind me. "Pansy!" Draco called irritably.

When I ignored him he sped up and grabbed my arm. "You bloody well started it!" he snapped.

"Shut up!" I retorted, whirling around and shrugging off his hand. "It'd be better if you weren't in my line of sight."

"You were the one who felt the need to pick a fight in front of everyone else," he insisted, eyes narrowed as he studied me.

My hair, which had been confined throughout the day in a loose ponytail, was subtly escaping in lank strands that fell around my shoulders and before my eyes in a gnarled mass of curls. I was breathing heavily from my fast walk and in an attempt to control at least some of my anger. Pushing my hair away in frustration, I glared daggers at him. Meeting his gaze challengingly, I faltered in the sight of fading anger which was quickly replaced by amusement and something else that made me look away hastily.

I stiffened in surprise when Draco abruptly stepped forward to push my curls away from my face, his touch surprisingly soft and warm. A firm arm suddenly snaked about my waist and I stepped back hastily.

"Quite fighting this!" he growled, moving swiftly so that he had me pressed against the wall, the heat of his body soaking through our uniforms to my own. His hands rested on my hips as the sweetness of his lips sought my own. I had never truly been kissed and simply remained frozen in surprise until I began to respond hesitantly, arching into him instinctively as a feather light hand brushed my spine where the skin had been bared between my shirt and skirt. It wasn't until he shifted his attention to the line of my jaw that I realized what was happening and gasped with surprise.

My eyes flew open as I pushed him away violently, causing him to stumble at the unexpectedness. Turning, I ran into the darkness of the dungeons the sound of his voice echoing my name in pursuit.

*~*

If someone had told me two years ago that my first real kiss was going to be Draco Malfoy I would have laughed myself sick. However, the fact that my first real kiss was Draco Malfoy left me feeling sick. For the entire week following the incident I avoided Draco like the plague... waking up early to eat breakfast before he got up, walking into class as late as possible, and leaving the second the professor dismissed us. If my friends noticed that anything odd was going on they had the wisdom to not mention it.

Draco himself acted as if he could care less and mainly just ignored me. In any other situation I would have been annoyed to be so looked over, but in this case I made an exception.

It was in our last week of school that Millicent finally intervened after almost three weeks of avoidance. We had been eating an early breakfast when I immediately spotted Draco sauntering in with Crabbe. Taking a final gulp of juice I said, "I asked Professor Sinistra if I could meet with her early so I better get going before I'm late."

Millicent rolled her eyes and said, "For Merlin's sake could you calm down, Pansy?" When I stared at her incredulously she added, "The boy is not going to kill you."

"W-what are you talking about?" I replied, attempting to pretend innocence and failing miserably.

She shrugged. "I don't know what's up with you two lately. But it can't be all that bad. I know Malfoy is an insufferable git sometimes, but I'm tired of having to regulate my time between the two of you. For that matter, it's just exhausting!"

"What's exhausting?" Draco asked, having finally reached us and promptly seating himself across from me.

Well aware of Millicent's significant look, I sat back down and replied nonchalantly, "Nothing, just talking about classes."

I pretended to ignore Millicent's thankful sigh and instead focused on my bacon. Leave it to my friend to force me back into acceptable terms with Draco. I honestly wondered how she never lost her temper with that boy.

"Ready for summer?" Draco asked diplomatically, attempting to strike up a conversation.

I studied him silently for a moment as he watched me expectantly. As usual his face was unreadable as he shifted his eyebrows up slightly, waiting for my reply. Smiling, I finally gave in. "Yeah, I'm ready to be done with classes. Who knows what I'll be doing though. There's no telling with Grandmother."

The ice finally broken life settled back into how it was suppose to be. Draco never even once hinted that he wanted to revisit that night in the dungeons and I certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

The rest of the school year concluded without much significance, except for some confusion about the Ministry having caught and then lost Sirius Black again. Never a real firm believer in our Ministry, I was hardly surprised. Blaise didn't seem to agree with me and we had been debating about our Ministry for an hour or so after dinner that last night before we left.

"I thought Zabinis didn't have politics," I finally laughed, tired of arguing with him.

I was sprawled out on the couch closest to the fire, absently running a hand through my tangled curls still wet from my shower. Blaise sat across from me one leg propped up on a magazine filled table.

He shrugged. "We don't really. We believe in certain laws, we just aren't huge supporters of one cause. My grandfather always says its better to be seen as neutral and unthreatening than to have a voiced opinion."

I snorted. "If I ever believe in something I will always support it with all my might!"

This time Blaise laughed at me. I simply gave him a reproachful look before shifting to a more comfortable position. The common room was empty; everyone was prepared to leave the next morning. Most of the belongings had been claimed from various corners of the dungeons and notes had been posted by Prefects for departure times.

We watched the fire for some time in comfortable silence before Blaise stood and stretched. "It's going to be crazy tomorrow you should try and get to bed early," he advised.

"Yeeess," I drawled out teasingly, amused at his concern.

Returning my grin he waved a goodnight and headed down to the boys dormitory. I continued to watch the fire with a grin on my face. I was going to miss him this summer. Maybe we could meet at Diagon Alley sometime.

I yawned. For that matter I need to ask Grandmother about the girls coming to visit. Another yawn... too bad they can't just spend the summer...

"Pansy... Pansy..." someone was touching my hair softly as a warm hand on my upper back shook me gently.

I cracked open a lid. The commons was dark and had developed a chill in the absence of the fire. A dark shadow hovering above made me squeak in surprise as I jumped up.

"It's just me," the shadow said, moving so that the moonlight from our only window revealed Draco.

"You scared me," I said, searching for my wand to mask my nervousness.

He didn't reply. I heard the whisper of robes and a muttered "Lumos," as he came up beside me. In the light of his wand I surveyed him quickly, noting his disheveled robes with interest. Draco was never anything but immaculate. It looked as if he had dressed in a hurry.

Sudden realization dawned on me that he had found me asleep on the couch in the early hours of the morning. The only way he could have done that was if he was sneaking in himself. I gave him a speculative look. "Up a little late now, aren't we?"

He scowled at me. "You aren't exactly tucked away in bed either," he retorted.

"Well, I was asleep," I answered, "and then this housemate of mine woke me."

Yawning, I ran a hand through my hair and winced. I never fell asleep without braiding it because it always resulted in a horrible mess. Horrified, I realized that I probably looked like a frizzy mess. So this is how Hermione Granger feels all the time....

"Whatever is poor little Turpin going to do without you this summer," I taunted him as I moved to fetch my wand.

"She'll just have to latch on to someone else I imagine," he drawled, seemingly uninterested.

"Right," I snorted, giving his present appearance a thorough go-over. Noticing my shrewd appraisal, he smiled. "Well, thanks for waking me. Have a goodnight."

He shrugged. "What's your hurry?"

Halfway to the stairwell I looked back at him in surprise. "Excuse me?"

His wand was dimming, but I could see the glint of a grin in the dark. "I said, what's your hurry?"

I frowned at him. "Nothing, except that it's late. I need my beauty sleep," I teased.

He laughed and motioned for me to come closer. I hesitated, memories of a kiss in a dark dungeon cautioning me.

"Draco-" I began softy.

"Shhh," he interrupted, walking towards me when it was obvious that I wasn't going to come any nearer to him. He stopped a hairsbreadth in front of me, careful not to touch me. I have never been as aware of his presence as I was now.

I have also never felt so vulnerable, standing in the chill with only a shirt and boxers on. I crossed my arms defensively before meeting his eyes. They were hard to read in the dark as they assessed me quietly.

"Yes?" I finally whispered impatiently.

"I didn't know," he started hesitantly, clearing his throat gruffly, "that I was your first kiss."

I looked down. This was the conversation I had been attempting to avoid for the past month and one that I thought was forgotten. My friend seemed to have not forgotten, however.

"What makes you think you were?" I replied, trying to divert him away from the conversation.

I didn't need to look at him to know he was smiling. "You're a horrible liar," he insisted.

"So I've been told," I sighed. Looking up at him I said, "Draco, I just don't like where you are trying to push our friendship. I'm not interested in you like that."

He looked shocked for a brief moment and I almost choked with the effort it took to hold back my laughter. It had apparently never occurred to him that someone might not be attracted to him.

I pressed on quickly, "I'm not interested in anyone like that. I just see us as friends, and I even have trouble categorizing it as that!"

His shock quickly evaporated into smug superiority and I am fathomless as to why. "It'll happen, Pansy," he told me, moving up a hand to touch my arm tentatively. "Girls and boys can't just be friends forever," he insisted, "it doesn't work."

I took a slight step back and he dropped his hand. "Maybe for you it doesn't. But Blaise and I get along fine without any of the problems you and I have."

Draco shrugged in the darkness, seeming to discard my evidence without a second thought. "It'll be different for you and me."

"I don't want it to be different," I complained, watching him warily as he closed the distance between us.

I stiffened as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek. His breath was warm in my ear as he whispered, "You will."

I shivered and pulled away hastily. "Never," I insisted, turning to retreat to the security of my dormitory. Even behind the safety of stone walls, bed hangings, and my covers I could still feel his breath on my cheek.

The next morning I was double checking my trunk before I left for the Hogwarts Express, when an envelope fell out of one of my folded cloaks. Curious, I bent to pick it up and noticed that it had never been opened. Flipping it over I immediately recognized Xavier's handwriting and the Christmas present he had told me not to open until I got to Hogwarts. Excited, I opened it to see what lay within.

Pansy,

I enjoyed the chance to know you over Christmas break. You remind me a lot of Uncle Vic and why I miss him so much. I hope you will take to heart what we talked about that day over chess. It might not seem like much, but if you ever need anything you have only to contact me. Roseguard will always be there for you stubborn Parkinsons if you ever need us.

Your favorite cousin,

Xavier

I smiled at his signature, genuinely touched at his offer. There was a lot to be said to have an heir of a Superior House for support. The importance of such an ally was not lost on me and it made me like my cousin all the more. You might even dare to call him my favorite of the brood.