Desperado

Desperado

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now

Sirius Black stood at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, watching his best friend's son play Quidditch. *Harry,* he thought mournfully. *I'm part of the reason that you have no parents...* The swooping youth turned in the air effortlessly, looking more and more to Sirius like the friend who's life he'd been so careless with.

Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons

Sirius's mind, though free of Azkaban, still played those awful moments out in his mind. That night, so many years ago...

"I think we should use Peter," a younger Sirius said to James.

James frowned. "Why Peter?"

"Nobody would ever think that Peter would be your Secret Keeper."

"What about Remus? We can trust him."

Sirius's face became more serious. "What if Remus is the spy?"

James countered easily. "What if Peter is the spy?"

Sirius scoffed. "Peter? He'd be useless to Voldemort..."

Even after all these years, the pain was still sharp.

These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Harry Potter glanced about the Quidditch field. He often felt this way, like somebody was watching him. But the only thing out here besides the team was that big, black Grim that decidedly followed him everywhere. He sighed. *Maybe I should drop Divination. I'm beginning to see Death omens everywhere.*

Across the field, Sirius was letting his mind be pessimistic. *Moony's probably wandering where I'll strike next,* he thought sourly. *He won't listen to me now. He'll think I killed Peter.* Those happy memories of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs now stung at him with unhappiness. They'd never be together like that again.

Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Remus Lupin glanced out his office window. Harry was practicing Quidditch, even though it had begun to rain with a vengeance. *So like James,* he mused. *Quidditch before everything and everyone.* His old, but still sharp eyes traced the faint outlines of a black shape, sitting at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. *Stop it, Remus,* he chided himself. *Soon you'll be seeing Sirius Black in the mirror.* He sighed. *Someday,* he promised himself, *Harry will know the truth. About everything.*

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Sirius sighed, but in his dog form it sounded more like a sneeze. He slunk back into the forest, changing back to the gaunt man he was. *All I want,* he thought, closing his eyes, *is for Peter to pay twofold for all his sins.*

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home

Weeks flew by, leaving Sirius in the prisons of the past. "Here kitty," he called to the ginger cat who'd joined him. "Did you get them?"

The cat gestured to the parchment in his mouth. Sirius unfurled it, reading, "Lance, mace, joust...kitty, you're amazing." He petted the cat, then changed into a dog and stalked towards the castle. Outside Gryffindor Tower, he changed into a man. "Lance," he said to the portrait.

"I challenge you!" the portrait said, but swung forward to admit him. Sirius ran up the boys' stairs easily, remembering the path to his youth.

At the third landing he stopped, and eased the door open, knowing its tendency to creak. He approached the bed with the redhead and rat, and slowly drew his knife, just as the redhead woke up. "Aaaaagggghhhh!"

Sirius dropped the knife and ran, still hearing the redhead yelling, "Sirius Black!"

And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Once more, he paced the floor of the Shrieking Shack. He'd destroyed his chances again. At this rate, Peter would never die for his sins. He'd gladly live the remainder of his life in exile if Peter died. *What about Harry?* a little voice in the back of his head spoke. *Don't you owe him the truth?*

He batted at the back of his head. "You sound like Moony," he growled aloud, starting slightly at the sound of his own voice. So feral, so...animalistic. Once more, he renewed his vow to kill Peter, but not before he'd testified that Sirius was innocent.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

As he so often did after a long day, Remus watched the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice. Seeing Harry brought out Moony, the mischievous and cautious Marauder who had less detentions to his credit than Prongs or Padfoot. Seeing Harry made him think of James, and it had been James's idea to stay at Hogwarts the Christmas on which the full moon fell. Remus could still feel the comradeship that had always permeated from them.

Sighing, he watched Harry triumphantly catch the Snitch on the old Shooting Star. James was counting on him to protect Harry, even if Sirius was his godfather.

It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day.
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Sirius bit his chapped lips, trying to keep from groaning. It was cold, not really as cold as Azkaban, but close enough. He wished again that he could conjure up a blanket, but since his wand was lying in two pieces on the bottom of the sea, he couldn't really.

The windows of the Shack were boarded up, and Sirius had no idea how many days had passed. He thanked God again for the Wolfsbane Potion, so Moony hadn't discovered him yet. He thanked Filch for taking the Marauder's Map, so nobody knew where he was. He was caught in a constant, alternating states of apathy and determination, most of which resulted in running halfway to Hogwarts before realizing that he had no plan. That Peter and Voldemort had won the battle. He didn't mind the battle, but he could taste the victory of the war like butterbeer, and it kept him going.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate

Sirius saw everything.

The escaping rat, the redhead yelling, Harry struggling to keep the Invisibility Cloak around them. He saw the chance and took it.

Stealthily, he pounded across the earth, covering the distance in no time. He grabbed the boy and rat, thinking, *Please let Harry take after James. Please...* Crookshanks pressed the knot, leaving Sirius to drag them to the Shack. The last things Sirius saw above ground were Harry and the girl, running after them.

He dragged the boy to the Shack, allowing him to keep hold of his rat, all the while thinking, *I hope it turns out right.*

It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

Sirius grinned, for the first time in ages. He and Harry were on good terms, even though he was on the run again. Buckbeak was a better companion than the memories, something he was eternally grateful for. But Wormtail had gone back to Voldemort, and since they were around, Harry would never be able to live in peace. He wasn't James and Lily Potter's son for nothing, he had their special gift. Love, and a ton of people to share it with.