A Tale of Two Diaries

A Tale of Two Diaries

Dear Diary,

I can't believe I'm writing in this bloody thing. I mean seriously, I really don't. It's completely jeopardizing my 'evil bastard' status. But you know, there I was, looking for my Potions homework in a stack of paper and what do I find? A five year-old birthday present. A diary, an actual diary with a little lock and all that crap. I've seen tougher looking dandelions! But yet, here I am writing in this thing. I'm not even sure why! I don't need an outlet! Terrorizing first-years, bothering Potter, sucking up to Snape...that's all I need! People think I suck up to Snape too much. Well excuse me but look who got 100% on his last potions exam!!!!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Okay, it's time to recover myself, Malfoy's do not feel! Malfoy's have absolutely no emotion. Except...pride. God it's so fucking boring being a Malfoy. Oh dear. Thank god this thing has a lock. Not that that will be all I'll rely on of course. I mean, Crabbe and Goyle are as dumb as stumps but even they know the 'Aloha Mora' charm. I've put some different hexes on this thing. One of them is that real nifty one I saw on some ravenclaw last year; she had 'sneak' written across her face in pimples. I liked that one. It must have been done by a slytherin-it's too sneaky for any other house. But, come on, 'sneak'? It must have been a first-year because that's the lamest thing you could do to someone. I mean, you do anything, 'shit-

head' or 'wanker', but no, whoever did that chose 'sneak'. Oh well, it's still pretty good. I mean, that girl, she still has really bad acne. Madame Pomfrey managed to dispel it so it didn't say a word anymore but she didn't get rid of it completely. So what was I saying? Oh yeah. Well, I've got a hex that means that any girl who breaks in will have 'dyke' written on her face and any guy will have 'poof'. Ha! Also, I have a hex that will send a small jolt of pain through a person's fingers when they tamper with the lock. Some people might wonder why I go to such extreme measures. Well, I have a lot of enemies.

***

Dear Journal,

That looks so stupid. But it's better than 'dear diary'. I'm only using this because Hermione gave it to me; she said that she was worried; she said I was bottling things up. I suppose I am. I'm not sure if I want to open up though. I'm quite happy wallowing in my own self-pity at the moment. So I'm lying. I hate everything. And on top of it all...Ron and Hermione have been acting weird. I think they might be going out or something. Why wouldn't they tell me? Am I so fucking sensitive that they can't even tell me they're in love (which, by the way, I knew-who didn't?)? I just...I can't deal with this at the moment. Especially with the whole Cho thing. She's been looking her nose down on me since we got back to Hogwarts. I can at least take a small consolation in the fact that Marietta still has horrible acne.

Talking of horrible. Who should be the first person I run into? Malfoy. DracofuckingMalfoy. So today I was walking...I needed to clear my head or something. And I walked right into Malfoy. He looked at me and had that bloody sneer on his face and I just wanted to punch him! And then...something weird happened. He grabbed my arm and this little shiver went through my body. I don't even know what it was. And Malfoy didn't seem to notice. I mean, did he do it on purpose? Is it some weapon that he's using to get me? I'd like that, because, if it's not... I've only felt that shiver once before and it was when I first saw Cho. And...on top of all this...now that I think about it...I liked Cho, I mean I really really did. But I was never...attracted physically to her. I mean, she's really really beautiful but, I just...I don't know. I'm really confused.

***

Dear Diary,

I hate him. HATE HIM! Bloody Potter and his bloody...Potterness! The way he walks...talks...God I don't know what it is but I just can't leave him alone for five minutes! I see him and all the blood rushes to my head and I want to go and bug him. In any way possible. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Ah! HATE HIM! And if the fact that he EXISTS isn't bad enough...he comes back to school this year and he's gorgeous. I mean it. Bloody fucking gorgeous. He's got rid of his bloody round specs and got these sort of oval ones instead...and he's grown a bit too and...I don't know but he looks really good! So now, all the girls will want to shag him and not me! Why does Potter have everything I want???????????? And why is...no, no, I will not and refuse!!!!!! Oh dear God I am losing my ability to use good grammar. Arg. OK, I hate Potter but also, I mean, well (Grammar!)...Okay, so, I may not just have noticed that Potter got hot JUST because the girls like him. I might...have noticed because, he does look...well...I noticed because I think that he's good-looking. And not in a general sort of acknowledgement way. More in a fancying him kind of way. Oh God. Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod.Wow, that was really hard to write. It's much easier to write evil laughter. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha. Wow. I'm odd. Bloody Potter unnerving me like that...ARG! I DO NOT LIKE HARRY POTTER! But he has got really nice hair...