Arranged Marriages

Arranged Marriages

1.

When my parents sat me down at the age of eleven, before acne hit, and told me that my husband has already been chosen for me, any fairytales I had deluded myself with, were crushed.

"Pansy," My mother said in her best sugar-coated voice, "We've spoken to you before about the importance of blood for members of the Wizarding community......."

Yes, yes. I know all about the blood, I thought impatiently. Very important. All witches and wizards are supposed to marry those whose parents were witches and wizards. The whole family, in fact, need to be wizards. I know, you've been telling me since I was five. But, mum, can't I go outside and play on the last day before I go to Hogwarts? I thought, miserably.

"........And he comes from a highly respected Wizarding family! Really, Pansy, we couldn't have asked for a better match!" My mother beamed at me!

Her last few words brought me back into the conversation. Had I just heard her correctly? Match for what? For whom?

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-" The stuttering was back. Mum had tried nearly every spell she could find over the last six years to fix the problem with little success.

"Wh-wh-wh-" I continued to sputter.

"WHAT! Say it, Pansy!" She began to mouth the word at me as though I didn't understand English. " Wwwwwhhhhaaaatttt. I'd really hoped this would be cleared up before you started school!" She looked at me as though I were doing it on purpose, and glanced nervously at my father.

"Did" OK, I was able to speak again. Deep breaths now, "Di-id you just say something about a match? What match?"

My father got up from his seat and stood directly in front of me.

"Your match, Pansy. Your marriage has been arranged." He said this with great pride in his voice. Like I should've just got down on my knees, then, and thanked God for this wonderful gift.

"Yo-you can't do that!" I was angry now, but only for a second. My father stepped forward, abruptly, and grabbed me by the arms. He looked me directly in the eyes for a whole minute before speaking.

"We can. You are our daughter, and you won't disgrace this family, by bringing home some dirty little mud-blood to mix with! You should count your blessings that your parents had the decency to ensure your lineage!"

He stopped and looked at me then, with the look. The look that always made my heart stop with fear. Cold and inhuman. He'd never hit me, he did'nt have to. The look always made me turn to jelly, and obey.

"Really, Pansy! You're quite lucky! He's your age, and from the Malfoy family! You've known Draco your whole life! No need to spend awkward time getting to know each other!"

As though a consolation prize, I mused.

"And, it's not like this is going to happen tomorrow, you'll marry after your last year at Hogwarts! That's seven years to get used to the idea!" My mother was nodding her head while she spoke, apparently trying to convince me.

"Draco!" No, it couldn't be true! It just couldn't be!

"Yes, Draco!" My father barked at me. And then came the look, again.

"Fine, I'm going to my room to finish packing." I couldn't argue with him. I was too scared. A great sob rose in my chest. I had to get out of there.

"Pansy-" My mother started after me, but I just pushed past her and ran to my room dashing the tears out of my eyes.

I hadn't let them see me cry since I was eight. It always seemed to make them angrier; angry than the stuttering, actually. I locked my bedroom door behind me, and fell face first onto my bed, bawling my eyes out. My head ablaze with thoughts of running away, killing myself, killing them. It didn't matter.

I couldn't! I wouldn't!

Draco Malfoy was the nastiest, meanest, most horrible boy in England! On the whole planet, even! Just last summer, he and one of his despicable friends had locked me in the cellar while our parents were out to dinner. I'd begged and pleaded for two hours before they finally let me out. Afterward Draco threatened me.

"If you tell anyone, "Draco said, towering over me, "We'll carry you into the Dark Forest next year, and leave you there with were-wolves, and monsters!" They laughed at this, and ran off, very pleased with themselves.

I can't fight them, I thought miserably of my parents just then. I'll just have to go along with what they say, For now anyway.

2.

".....Hhmmm.....interesting....very interesting.....A little temperamental at times........"

The sorting hat droned on about my temper, my ambition, my talent, blah blah blah. I didn't know why it bothered; really, I knew where I was going. Slytherin; the house that every one of my relatives had been in, and my mum had the photos to prove it.

"Slytherin!"

I hopped down and went to join the table. A rather intimidating lot, they all just kind of stared at me, before going back to their own conversations. I looked around and noticed that all of the other tables' were greeting the first years' enthusiastically.

"Draco Malfoy!" Professor McGonagal shouted.

He hadn't changed much since the last time I saw him, he was a little taller, and his platinum hair was now slicked back. I suppressed a laugh, it looked quite ridiculous! Like he'd used a whole bottle of Miss Myra's Hair Tonic!

He sat down with his two oafish friends, Crabb and Goyle, and began chattering instantly. I sat a few feet away, and half-listened to their conversation.

"Father told me if I didn't get into Slytherin, I might as well not come home! I wouldn't have either, if I'd been sorted into, say, Hufflepuff," He snorted, and rolled his eyes in the direction of the Hufflepuff table. "With those cry-baby wimps!" He laughed at his own joke, and Crabb and Goyle took their cue from him and laughed heartily; Only ceasing when he did.

What a pair of idiots! Just like their own fathers' laughing at all of Lucius' jokes.

Amazing, he's already following in his father's footsteps! He's got his own pair of thugs to keep around to protect him, for when he's let his big mouth get him into trouble.

The thought that I was supposed to marry this disgustingly stupid boy then popped in my head, and I couldn't hold the laughter back this time.

"What are you laughing at Parkinson?" Draco sneered at me.

"Oh-oh-noth-noth-" Oh, please! Not now! The last thing I'd wanted was for him to know I stuttered! Not that I cared what he thought, I just didn't want to give him ammunition!

"Oh-oh?" Draco was laughing now, loudly.

"P-p-po-or st-st-stuttering P-p-p-an-ssy!" He laughed again, and Crabb and Goyle finally caught on, and began to laugh, too.

Breathe, slowly now; just like I'd read in the muggle books. Take a deep breath, and sound out the first syllable,

"Oh, nothing." I turned away from him, and saw out of the corner of my eye that he was making the pug face behind my back.

I ignored it. I always did. If I tried to fight back, he'd get really nasty. And, I had to admit it, he always kind of scared me. There were moments when, I swore, he was turning into his father right before my eyes. And, Lucius Malfoy didn't know the meaning of the word kindness.

I felt the tears begin to form, thinking about the future again. I ran from the table and out of the Great Hall. I suddenly realized I'd never been here before! I had no idea where I was going! I swung open the first door I saw, and heaved myself in, the tears streaming down my face now.

I waited there, whimpering, until I heard noises coming from the hall outside, and realized everyone was going to their common rooms. I wiped my face on my robes, and slipped out the door into the crowd, getting in line with the other Slytherin's, who were heading down to the dungeons.

3.

I was turning into my mother. I heard her coming out of my mouth for the first time at breakfast two months later.

"Really, I don't know what the big deal is!" I snorted into my Pumpkin juice. "That ugly scar would keep ME humble! Imagine thinking you're so great just because of a funny shaped scar right in the middle of your forehead!" I scoffed again. I looked around, pleased, when the other girl's bobbed their head up and down in agreement, and laughed. Really, I didn't know anything about Harry Potter, but the consensus for ALL Slytherins' was that he was just some little mud-blood, famous for depriving the world of a great wizard.

"Oh, I know, Pansy!"

"You're so funny!"

I couldn't stand them. Over the last two months, I'd begun to realize what my role was at Hogwarts. That of the snotty, priveleged, female version of Draco. And, there wasn't anything I could do about it. Mum sent me an owl the day after I got here; A box of my favorite sweets, and a note reminding me of what my responsibilities were to the family.

"Remember dear, (I hated it when she tried to be nice, it just wasn't like her) stick close to your own house, and please be kind to Draco. I saw his mother this morning...such a lovely woman!.."

I hated my mother. I hated the fact that I was beginning to sound like her, even though it was involuntary. And, yet, it came so damned naturally.

My "friends", the other first year girls in Slytherin House were, if anything, mildly amusing. The first night in the dorms, I realized that these were to be my only friends, and I'd better get used to them. At first, they all seemed so self-assured, but then I realized that they were all just spoiled brats, and I was a great deal smarter than any of them. My confidence boosted, if I was going to be forced to be friends with these babbling idiots, I was going to be in charge. The stuttering stopped almost immediately.

"Oh, I think Draco is so cute!" said the ugliest of the group, Millicent Bulstrode, a great fat stupid beast, whose only magical ability seemed to be melting cauldrons. She was twirling a lock of her course hair, or more accurately fur, around her chubby finger, her eyes cloudy.

"Oh, I know! He has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen! And, he's so smart, and so rich!" Chimed in Clara, another great fat stupid beast. She was slightly smarter than Millicent, but not by much. She still couldn't levitate a feather in Charms! I'd been able to do that since the first week!

And then it hit me. Millicent and Clara were my Crabb and Goyle. I realized, I'm petite and blond; and Millicent and Clara were large, hairy, and stupid! Female Crabb and Goyle's! I suddenly spit Pumpkin Juice out of my mouth as I tried to control the giggles.

"Pansy, are your alright?" They said in unison. My God, I thought, they must be sharing the same brain now!

I got up from the table, still sputtering with laughter, about to leave when suddenly my bag split open, the contents falling to the floor. Damn!

I began to pick everything up when I heard someone laughing a few feet away. Draco was sitting at the end of the table, smirking, and tapping his wand on the palm of his hand. Crabb and Goyle, eternally at his side, slapped him on the back in praise of his brilliant joke.

"Trouble, there Parkinson?" He laughed mercilessly, "Really, you should be more careful!" He said with mock concern. He strode toward me, and bent down to whisper in my ear.

"I'll not have some clumsy ox for a wife!" He said it so no one would hear it, but looked at me with disgust in his eyes, and walked out of the Great Hall.

4.

My heart was suddenly pumping so fast, I had to sit down; right on the floor, where all of my quills, books, and rolls of parchment were still lying. In the two months since we'd been at Hogwarts Malfoy had never said a word about our upcoming- I stopped. I couldn't even think the word consciously! Breathe, come on Pansy! -Engagement! There! I said it, well, thought it, anyway.

"Draco! You forgot this!" Millicent ran after him, waving a quill in her hand, panting like a big dog out of breath.

Moron, I thought, and picked up my things. No matter how confident I appeared in front of other students, my "friends", even teachers, there was something about Draco that always made me revert back into that pathetic crying girl, pleading for him to open the cellar door. I couldn't speak to him without stuttering. So, I just didn't speak to him at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, that's how it went for the next three years. Draco would tease me, mock me, try anything he could to get a rise out of me, and when I wouldn't respond, he'd get frustrated, and just hex me. The full body bind was especially bad, I always fell straight on my rump, and had bruises for weeks at a time.

But then, in our fourth year, things began to change.

"Pansy!" Millicent exclaimed when we'd got back to our dormitory after the beginning of term feast.

"Your hair is so much longer! And, I can't believe how much you've grown!" She was staring straight at my chest, when I snapped my fingers to get her attention.

"Stop staring at me, what's the matter with you?" I said, more abruptly then I'd intended to.

Over the last three years, I'd grown more severe with every hurtful remark that came out of Draco's mouth. Each summer I'd gone home, determined to be rational with my parents about their decision.

"He's really not that great, you know. In fact, I've scored higher than him on every exam we've had!" I was telling them, just that morning as we were pulling up to King's Cross Station.

"Pansy, we're not going through this again. You're only fourteen, you'll get used to the idea in time. " My father said, clearly trying to end the conversation. There were a lot of people around, and I could tell that he'd wanted to shout at me, but a Parkinson never raises their voice in public.

"I'm surprised the Malfoy's still want you for a daughter-in-law, after the spectacle you made when they invited us to the Quidditch World Cup this year!"

They'd invited us to go with them, and sit in the top box. I hated quidditch, and Draco, and had no intention of going. My father wouldn't hear of it, and told me if I wasn't gracious towards them, I'd regret it. And then, of course, came the look. I nodded, completely deflated.

But, when they came to the house to pick us up, Draco said, in a voice I'd never heard him use,

"Hello Pansy! How's your summer been?" He said it so politely, it was clear that he'd been warned by his parents as well.

What the hell? I thought, if he's willing to play at it, in front of our parents, I could too.

He couldn't hurt me here.

I didn't miss a beat. "Oh, it's been just wonderful! I'm terribly excited for school, though. I've been hoping you'd teach me that full body-bind spell! You're so good at it!" I purred. Why not play it to the hilt? I arched an eyebrow at him, a trick I'd mastered earlier in the summer, questioning the house elves about the location of the sweets my mother had hidden.

He, apparently, was ready to play too, "Oh, I'd love to teach you that spell, quite easy, really, after so many years of doing it, now, you'd think people would've started casting the counter curse, but I guess they're just not quick enough for me" He smirked, and I laughed, throatily.

"Speaking of counter curses, Draco," I said in my mother's best sugar-coated voice, "How did you do on your exams?" I knew he'd done terribly, I'd heard his father talking about it, earlier in the summer.

He stumbled, "Oh, fine." and looked at the floor, his face turning pink. Good, I thought! For the first time, I'd managed to get one up on him! It felt great!

Our parents beamed at us. Both, under the impression that we were getting along. I wasn't going to put up with this for one more minute.

"Oh-oh, I feel faint!" I said as dramatically as I could. I brushed the back of my hand onto my forehead, and pulled it away quickly, pretending it was too hot to hold my hand there any longer. I fell into the chair behind me, fanning myself.

My mother came to inspect me. "Well, you do feel awfully warm. Would you like me to put an anti-fever charm on you, so you'll be able to come with us to the World Cup? I don't think you should come in this condition."

I smiled mischievously at Draco. "No thank you, mother. I think I'll just go lie down, now. But, really you go, and have a good time. I'll be fine." I turned, and gave Draco the toothiest grin I could.

"So nice to see you, Draco. Enjoy the quidditch match!"

My father eyed me suspiciously, but didn't say anything in front of the Malfoys. And, without a second glance, I walked back to my room, smiling the whole way. If they were going to force me to marry him, they'd have three more years of this, I thought bitterly.

Now back in the dormitories, Millicent was gushing about how Draco and I would be the perfect couple, if only we could get along. I hadn't told a soul about the arranged marriage, and from what I could tell, he hadn't either.

"He's an arrogant, slimy git and I want nothing to do with him! If you think he's so great, you go out with him!" I laughed at this; Draco would sooner date a wild boar.

"Well, if you say so...." She said uncertainly, but then, "Don't you think it's odd, that you're the only girl he teases? Could be that he likes you!"

5.

I stared at her for what seemed like hours.

"Me? You think he likes me?" I was shaking my head back and forth, skepticism heavy on my face.

"Well, of course!" Millicent looked at me incredulously. "He doesn't jinx me or Clara or any other girl for that matter!" "He doesn't even talk to any other girls!"

Could she be right? Did Draco- like me? All of those years of torturing me, was his idea of flirting? I laughed resentfully at this, remembering, I didn't care if he liked me or not. I didn't care what he did. I was still planning to talk my parents out of the whole thing, anyway.

I didn't sleep well that night. I kept dreaming that Draco had me in the full body bind, and wouldn't let me up until I promised to marry him.

"Come on Pansy!" He was leaning over me, shouting as though I were very far away, "P-p-p-oo-r ss-ss-stt-tt-u-tt-er-ing p-p-p-an-sy, all you have to do is say, 'Yes'!"

I bolted out of bed, panting, feeling ill. My whole body felt on fire. I looked around and saw Millie and Clara still snoring loudly in their beds. The heat suddenly turned cold, and I was freezing. Shaking uncontrollably, I turned to lie back down in bed, obviously I had the flu or something. But, I didn't make it that far.

I woke up to Madam Pomfrey with one hand on my chin, trying to force my mouth open, and the other holding a bottle of some remedy.

"Come on dear, open up!" I was very dizzy, and her face seemed to be rotating slowly in front of me. Finally I was able to focus, and I gulped the potion down.

"Uuughh!" It tasted awful! Like Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, the vomit-bogey variety.

"Stay here, and try to get some rest! You gave your friends an awful fright. Said they'd woken up to find you face down on the floor, shaking and unconscious!" She hurried away.

I immediately fell back to sleep, and the next time I woke, it wasn't Madam Pomfrey in front of me. But, Draco Malfoy.

"Pansy, professor McGonagal wanted me to bring you your homework, as you've been gone the past three days." He said, but it wasn't a voice I recognized. He was almost, sincere.

I was trying to sit up, but realized I didn't have any strength, and fell heavily back onto the pillows.

"Three days? I only arrived this morning!" I was certain; I couldn't have been sleeping all that time, could I?

"Yes, three days. Madam Pomfrey said you woke on Monday morning, when she gave you the tonic, and you hadn't opened your eyes once, since then. She doesn't know what's wrong with you." He seemed apologetic with every word he uttered

He sat down on the end of the bed, and put my books on the bed side table. He looked at me for a long moment. And then,

"We probably need to talk about some things." He was blushing! He paused to brush a long strip of platinum hair out of his eyes, before looking back at me.

"Yeah..........we probably do." I was searching his face now, for anything that would tell me his true feelings. But, he didn't give anything away. I hadn't really looked at him for a long time. I tried never to make direct eye contact, afraid it would provoke some new hex. But, I looked now, my eyes focusing on his brilliant slate eyes, his strong chin, he must be six feet tall by now! I thought, and realized I was proud of the way he looked.

"N-not here. I mean, not now, while you're still sick. " Madam Pomfrey was coming back now, wagging her finger at him in disapproval.

"Mr. Malfoy!" She exclaimed, "I told you to put the books on her table, and leave! She needs rest! Out! Out!"

As he got up, he casually brushed his hand against mine, and I felt warm all over. What was happening to me, I thought, as Madam Pomfrey was again forcing my mouth open, and pouring the disgusting tonic down my throat.

What was that about? And, why did I get that feeling when he touched my hand? Nothing made sense, I laughed inwardly.

6.

"I can't believe I trusted you!" I spat at him. He was vile, evil, horrible! What had I been thinking?

"No-no, Pansy! I didn't mean it like that!" He was speaking to me like a parent trying to shush a raving a child in the middle of a grocery store.

We'd been having such a good time at the Yule Ball, until..........

I remember the night he'd asked me. Nearly four months after I'd left the hospital wing, and we still hadn't "talked". We were cautious and tentative around each other now, trying not to tread on the other's feelings. He didn't go out of his way to be nice to me, or to treat me like a friend, even, but he wasn't mean anymore. For a long time, I thought that our little meeting in the hospital wing, however brief it was, had scared him. Perhaps he was just trying to come to terms with his parents' decision, like I was.

"Pansy." He said my name, and I felt my heart flutter. I'd been trying not to like him, not to notice how handsome he'd suddenly become. I looked up from my book, the light from the fire in our common room illuminating his face.

"Pansy" he repeated, when I didn't answer. "Hey, would you like to go down to the kitchens with me, and get a snack?" Crabb and Goyle were behind him, and when they heard him mention food, they immediately went to the portrait hole, and waited like dogs anticipating a treat.

I gazed into his eyes. What was he up to now? Things had been going well, lately, and I still didn't trust him not to screw it up.

"Why?" I asked; the apprehension audible in my voice.

"I was just hungry, and thought you might be too, is all!" He said, hurt that I'd been so defensive.

"Alright, then, " I said slowly, rising out of my chair, and put my book back in my bag.

I smiled at him, "I always wondered where you got all that food after hours!"

Draco barked at Crabb and Goyle to stay put, he'd bring something back for them. They merely nodded, put out at not being invited to go with us.

We walked side by side, not speaking, until suddenly he said,

"I'm not really hungry. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to make a big deal about it, in front of everyone. " He nodded back in the direction of the common room.

My heart was suddenly pounding in my chest. I knew that, eventually, we'd have to discuss this. He guided me into a dark class room, and shut the door behind us.

"Lumos," he whispered, and suddenly he came into view. He was standing very close to me, and I was aware of his scent, clean like fresh laundry and soap.

He took a deep breath, and looked at me. "I have a lot to say, and I'll ask that you please not interrupt me until I'm finished. " His face was turning red and I felt sorry for him. This was obviously difficult.

"When my parents told me, about our- our-" He stopped again and then barely above a whisper, "Engagement, I was angry. I'm guessing from the way you've given me the silent treatment these last four years, that you were angry as well." I nodded at him, but didn't interrupt.

"I begged, pleaded, and cried to no avail, for them to take it back. I wanted to choose my own wife, and what were they doing telling this to an eleven year old, anyway?" He asked more to himself, than to me.

"Lucius was very clear." He shivered slightly, he was scared of his father, and it showed. "I stopped arguing with him, and just accepted it. But, I didn't feel like I should have to be, all-" He stopped, trying to find the appropriate word, "Nice, to you and everything." He said the last bit apologetically.

"I'm sorry for all of that. For everything I've ever done to you, every mean word, all of it. And, I hope that you'll forgive me. See, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. And, I think I was fighting my feelings for you-"

I couldn't keep silent now. "WHAT????!!! What feelings?" I asked breathlessly.

"Please, let me finish."

"I'm sorry, continue, sorry"

"I'd been fighting my feelings for you, because I didn't want my parents to be right. I didn't want to love someone, just because they said I had to. After four years in this school, though, I've noticed that you're the only girl who's even remotely like me. " He looked at me slyly, then, "You've got a mean streak, as well."

I laughed. I guess he knew me better than I thought he did. I was constantly tying to shove my mother back inside me. Deep down, so no one would know she was there, lurking just below the docile surface, ready to pounce. Good and evil. I was smarter than she was, though, and I could be both.

"Anyway, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, our parents are doing enough of that already, " He smiled sheepishly, "I just figured, that it's getting to the point, where we should probably spend some time together, you know, and I was thinking that a good opportunity would be to go to the Yule Ball." He was wringing his hands, nervous, "What do you think?"

"You're right. " I nodded solemnly. "And, if we're both being honest, I did feel the same way. I wanted nothing to do with you, because my parents gave me no choice in the matter. But, " I thought for a moment, "It seems silly to fight what we feel, just because our parents want it, too."

He looked awestruck. "You'll go then?"

I smiled, "Yeah, why not? Got to get used to you sometime, right?" I punched him playfully on the arm, and he grabbed my shoulder awkwardly, trying to push me back. We both starting laughing then, more from nervousness, than humor. We'd never been this close, physically, before then.

It felt so good to finally be talking like this. Honest, and breaking down the barriers we'd both set up.

It felt good dancing with him, at the Yule Ball, and feeling his breath in my ear as he whispered to me,

"Have I told you how incredible you look?" His eyes were roaming over my body, and I began to feel a tingling sensation spread all the way down my thighs. At one point, during a slow song we were so close, cheek to cheek, shoulder to shoulder, it seemed that every part of my body wanted to be touched by him. For the first time in my life I was intoxicated with happiness.

I'd gone to get drinks, and when I returned, I found him talking to Marcus Flynt, laughing hysterically. I was just about to approach them when I caught what Marcus was saying to make Draco laugh so hard.

"Still, at least she's a pure- blood! Doesn't seem to have much sense in her, but you know, " Marcus winked at Draco then, "Trying to TALK to them isn't nearly as fun, as say, a little snogging, 'course with a face like that, you might want to find somewhere exceptionally dark!"

"Don't you worry mate, the pug face she's got has made her so desperate for it, I'll only have to give her my most sincere smile-" He demonstrated a smile that would've won me over in a heartbeat, if I hadn't known right then that it wasn't done out of kindness, but cruelty.

I can't believe I trusted you!" I spat at him. He was vile, evil, horrible! What had I been thinking.

"No-no, Pansy! I didn't mean it like that!" He was speaking to me like a parent trying to shush a raving a child in the middle of a grocery store.

7.

I felt utterly helpless. I'd fought my better judgment and trusted him, and the moment I did, he made a fool out of me. How could he tell me all of those things,

"Have I told you how incredible you look?"

".....fighting my feelings for you......"

Aaauugghhhh! He only said them because he realized he had no choice in marrying me, and wanted his father off his back. Lucius probably ordered him to take me to the Yule Ball, too!

Pug Face! No sense! The words came tumbling back into my mind and hatred oozed out of every pore. Nearly another four months had passed since the ball, and my mother had completely taken over my body now. There was no escaping her. I saw the same resentment and bitterness in the mirror every morning that I had seen on her face for the last fourteen years; turned into a sour prickly woman by the same people who were supposed to lover her.

I was at the breaking point. Now that I knew I liked him, maybe even loved him, and that he thought I was a dumb pug-faced idiot, I couldn't stand to be around anyone. I was heart-broken, and horribly embarrassed. And even nastier then I thought possible.

I'd run straight out of the Great Hall that night, afraid I'd start crying in front of him, that would've really given him and Marcus something to laugh about.

"Poor Pansy! Can't even take a joke!" Marcus yelled after me, breaking up with laughter.

I was alone in the room now, packing the rest of my things for the trip home, when an eagle owl swooped in through the window. I'd seen that owl enough times to know whom he belonged to, and I promptly tried to shoo him out.

"Out! Out! I don't want anything from him!" But the owl flew around the room, hooting loudly, apparently not giving up.

"Fine. I know you won't leave until I've taken the note, so just give it to me already."

I untied the note attached to his leg, and he flew out the window again, hooting softly now.

I unfolded the note, and read:

Pansy,

We are to be having dinner with your family tomorrow night, I know that you're still angry with me, but for the sake of our own necks, we need to be friendly toward one another, at least in our parents' company. I'm afraid that if they think we're still not making an effort, there'll be trouble for both of us. Just behave, and I will too.

Draco

P.S. If you'd ever give me the opportunity to apologize for my behavior at the Yule Ball, we might be able to get along.

Oh, no! I thought angrily. I'll never give him the chance to make a fool out of me again! Never! I'll show him! He wants me to behave tomorrow night, does he? The wheels were turning in my head.

Alright, I'll show him how a stupid pug faced girl really behaves!

8.

"Pansy!" My mother bellowed from the foyer. " Go get dressed! They'll be here any second!"

"Coming Mother." I hurried out of the kitchen, and ran straight into my father.

"What were you doing in there?" He asked, suspiciously. He was looking towards the pantry that housed the cookies, and bottles of wine. "Not sneaking sweets before dinner, were you?"

"No-no, father, just helping with dinner!"

"Good, good," My father stroked his beard as he walked away from me, "You've already gained enough weight this year, I'm going to put a charm on that pantry tomorrow."

Well, father, I'm just glad you didn't put one on there tonight! I thought mischievously, as I ran upstairs to my room to get dressed.

I'd chosen simple, corn flower blue satin robes. The same color as my eyes. My hair, longer than ever, gracefully swept up on top of my head. I put a charm on it, to make it more golden than dirty blond. I chose my clothing carefully, because I was attempting a certain look; demur, submissive, docile, in Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy's eyes, the perfect wife.

They arrived ten minutes later, smug expressions plastered on their faces. Lucius, his platinum hair tied with a black satin ribbon, black robes with high collars, making him look like a vicar. I suppressed a giggle. Lucius Malfoy, a Vicar! Ha! Narcissa tall, and blond; She had the same pointy face as Draco. Her robes, a deep red silk. Draco followed behind them, his demeanor very much like his fathers'. Smirking with a sense of privilege since the day he came out of the womb.

My mother and father went through the pleasantries with them, and then my mother turned to me, still wearing the brittle mask of the perfect hostess,

"Pansy, do say hello to the Malfoy's!" She looked from me to them, silently apologizing for my rude behavior. I wasn't being rude, yet.

"Hello Mr. Malfoy, sir. Mrs. Malfoy, how do you do?" I smiled benignly, before fixing my gaze on Draco. "Draco, how are you?" I said so sweetly my stomach turned.

"Oh, fine, Pansy, thanks for asking!" He said, his voice mimicking mine in sweetness.

He thinks I'm his co-conspirator in this! I thought to myself, as we made our way into the dining room. The house elves had just placed the last dishes onto the table, before they saw us enter, and scurried out.

I eyed my mother now, who was pouring wine for everyone. "Lucius, Narcissa do you mind if Draco has a taste? I realize he isn't of age yet, but it's a special occasion!" Mother asked.

"Not at all! The boy will be of age, soon enough, and a small amount of wine never hurt anyone! Lucius replied.

That's what you think!

"Pansy, would you care for a small amount of wine?" I didn't want to look suspicious by refusing, after all, every one my age tried to get their parents to give them a little wine on every possible occasion.

"Yes, mother, thank you." I said dripping sugar.

"Well, a toast, then?" My father was looking at Draco and I, seated across from one another.

"Here's to our children, and their children!" My father swallowed the entire contents in his glass in one large gulp.

"Here here!" Chimed in Lucius. The women merely nodded at us, and drank. Draco's glass was empty before mine even touched my lips. I pretended to take a sip, and sat the glass back down on the table and watched them eagerly.

They'd all just taken a strong dose of Veritaserum, the most powerful truth serum in the wizarding world.

After I received Draco's owl the previous day, I ran straight to the dungeons, Snape nowhere to be found, and broke into his office. I found the Veritaserum, and ran back to my room, hiding the small bottle deep inside my trunk.

I looked around the table, my breath still, excited now at the prospect of what would soon be coming out of their mouths!

9.

"So, how were exams this year, Draco?" My father asked, now pouring his second glass of wine.

Draco looked torn for a moment, and then his face dropped, he stopped blinking, and started staring out into space, under a trance.

"I passed everything. Snape will always give me good marks because he and my father are both Death Eaters." Draco said, his voice monotone. I looked around expectantly, waiting for them to look aghast at what he just said, but no one did. They didn't seem to be listening, all of them in a trance now.

I suddenly remembered that people who take Veritaserum don't realize they're under the spell, even after it's worn off. Alright, then, I was chewing my lip now. I'll just have to run the show!

This was going to be so much fun! My eyes darted around the table, who would be my first victim?

"Father, why must I marry Draco?" I asked in a very commanding voice.

"Because we need to make sure that our blood is never mixed with muggle-borns. We would be disgraced."

"What if I said I would make sure to marry a pure-blood, if you called off the engagement?"

"We don't trust you to find a pure blood. We have to check family trees all the way back for one thousand years."

"Mother, what do you really think of Narcissa?"

"She's uptight, because she has to be. Lucius chases any witch who catches his fancy, and flaunts it in front of her. Same as your father."

So, my father was a cheater too, just like Lucius was, except he seemed to hide it better. Fine, good to know. I hated him anyway.

"Why would you want me to marry someone who will most likely follow in his father's footsteps?" I was going to get useful information, to be used later of course, if it killed me!

"It doesn't matter what the man does, or how you feel. It only matters that you behave, and be a good wife."

"Lucius, do you think Draco will be like you when he gets older?" I had put on my reporter hat now, and was tempted to grab a quill and parchment.

"No, he will never be the man that I am. He can't even beat that little sod Potter at Quidditch, even after I bought them all new Nimbus 2001's. He runs away like a crying little girl when he sees me beat his mother. No, " He repeated, "He will never be like me, he tries. But, he has too much of his mother in him to really be a great man."

I stared at him, astonished. He beats his wife, he bought Draco's way onto the house team, and he considers his son a great disappointment, because he won't join in beating his own mother! I was shooting daggers at the man, wishing some one from the ministry could hear all this. And, then the question popped in my head that made my heart start pumping, rapidly.

"Draco, how do you feel about me?"

"I love you. Always have, even when we were children. I didn't like the idea that my parents took the decision to marry you away from me, but I always knew we'd be together. We're the same; born to the same customs, both fighting our parents' ability to get inside of us. "

It was true! He did mean all of the things he said in that dark classroom, months ago! He did! He did! I felt that warm feeling spreading down my thighs that I'd felt at the Yule Ball, and then I remembered.....

"Why were you making fun of me at the Ball, then?"

"Because I'm not brave enough to argue with Marcus Flynt. I wanted him to think I was brilliant. I was showing off."

"Do you think I'm stupid and pug-faced?"

"I know that you're smarter than me, you always get better marks, and you used to have a pug face, but you've grown out of it now."

"Will you treat me like Lucius treats your mother?"

"My father will try to make me, and I will try to impress him, because I'm too weak to fight. But, hopefully the ministry will find out he's a Death Eater, and I won't have to put up with him for much longer."

The candles were burning down to the nub. I'd been in shock, and hadn't said anything for nearly an hour. They were still staring, not speaking. I knew I should be asking more questions. I racked my brain, but the only thing I was able to concentrate on was what Draco had said. He loved me, always had. He didn't want to treat me like Lucius, but knew he had no choice, while the old man was still around. My head was swimming, I knew they would be coming out of the trance soon. I had to ask something else.

"Draco, will you ever be unfaithful to me when we're married?"

"It's expected of me. Even thought I wouldn't-" His eyes suddenly focused, he looked confused and didn't seem to realize he'd just been speaking. He looked around the table. They were all coming out of it now. Their eyes were wild. Narcissa dropped the fork she'd been holding for the last hour. My mother looked at her plate, and began to eat, when suddenly she dropped the fork onto the floor.

"Dear, we'll need to talk to the house elves, this food is cold as ice."

10.

How many people in this world get to really KNOW that the person they love, loves them back? Not just believe they do, not just hope, but really, truly, KNOW? Not many. In fact most people spend their entire lives trying to obtain that knowledge.

He loved me. Always had. Knew we'd be together someday.........

After they left that night, I went back to my room, and just stared at my reflection for hours. The charm I'd put on my hair earlier in the evening was fading, and my hair now hung down my back, limp, dirty blond. There were dark shadows under my eyes, the tension I'd been feeling, apparent in my face.

I was so confused I didn't know what to do. I'd admitted to myself long ago that I loved him. I hated him most of the time, sure, but I also knew that if I was capable of hating him, I was capable of loving him, too. Love and Hate stem from the same place inside one's heart. They just get turned in two different directions. But, when you truly FEEL for someone love or hate, so strong, so consuming, it's there regardless, and hate can become love.

I was slowly beginning to accept certain things. I loved him, he loved me. We were being forced to marry after school. But, if we loved one another, were we, in fact, being forced? Would he have married me anyway, even without our parent's meddling? And, the thing I'd been dreading the most, he was weak. Said it twice. He couldn't stand up to his father, or a stupid git like Marcus Flynt, for that matter.

My mother suddenly popped in my head.

"It doesn't matter if he's weak. He'll provide you with so much luxury throughout your life, it'll make up for his lack of back-bone."

I may have been a bit of a chameleon, struggling between becoming my mother, and trying to be a decent human being, but there was one thing I knew, wholeheartedly, about my self: If you showed me any sign of weakness, I pounced faster than a mother lion protecting her cubs. I couldn't stand weak people. I had a sudden vision of Millicent, and Clara. So amiable, so content to do whatever I told them to, so weak. My mother, too, while she may have been a spiteful cat, she was too weak to leave my father, even though he was an unbearable bastard, just so she could live in a big house, and have servants.

I loved him, but he had shown me his worst flaw. And, really, when it came to weakness, I couldn't help myself from becoming the predator. He wasn't the strong boy who frightened me, anymore. He was now someone I knew I could control.

11.

"Oh My God!" He moaned as my hand snaked its way up his thigh. My other arm was around his neck, my fingers entangled in his hair. I licked my lips with lust and then ran my tongue over his earlobe.

He was massaging my lower back, and then he reached, for the third time that evening, into my robes and I felt his hand trembling, steadily working it's way toward my chest. I gently, but firmly, removed it and held it in my own. He went back to kissing me, roughly, and I realized that every time he and I sneaked into a classroom after hours, to "study" as far as everyone in the house was concerned, I never closed my eyes. In fact, I never even gave a thought as to what I was doing. I certainly didn't tingle with anticipation, or look forward to our meetings. I had no feelings for this boy, whatsoever. It was simply a way to spend my time. And to torture Draco.

Draco became suspicious of Blaize and me early into our "tutoring" arrangement. He'd accused me one night, after we came back from "studying." As soon as we walked in through the portrait hole he made a bee-line for me, and yanked me out of the common room.

"What were you doing with him?" He was searching my face, hoping to catch me in a lie.

"Well, I thought I told you, just before we left, that I am tutoring him in potions. Snape set it up, it's not like I want to, or anything. " I was impressed with my own coolness. I didn't stutter once, a natural response for me when I'm lying through my teeth. He seemed reluctant to believe me.

"Get a grip, Draco dear, you're beginning to sound like a nagging husband!" I laughed, hoping he would too, so I could go back to the common room without being forced into some melodramatic long winded conversation.

It doesn't matter what I do, I thought, he has to marry me anyway. And, maybe I can toughen him up a little. Nothing like a little jealousy to draw out someone's anger!

Blaize Zabini was a Slytherin boy in my year, who, unlike Draco, seemed very happy with our arrangement. He was content to keep it a secret, he knew what would happen to him if anyone found out he had more than just a tutorial interest in Draco Malfoy's girl. That's what I was now. In our fifth year, trying to grow up, trying to get ready for the O.W.L.S., Draco suddenly wanted to be around me constantly. He never told me he loved me, never discussed his feelings for me, even though I knew because of the veritaserum I'd given him earlier that year.

He simply took our relationship for what it would eventually become; husband and wife. I knew a time would come, when he would want a physical relationship with me, and I didn't want to behave like some child, who didn't know anything about love- making. I wanted to know more than he did, I wanted to be in control. But, I wasn't about to soil myself with this sweaty, groping boy. I was just testing the waters. The better I am at this, I thought as I removed Blaize's hand again, the more Draco will want me.

"Blaize....." I had broken away from him, and tried to stand up. He placed both hands on my shoulders and pushed me back down. He looked longingly into my eyes and whispered,

"Pansy, you're driving me crazy!" He was red now, almost angry. "We've been sneaking up here for months, and you'll only let me kiss you!" He was massaging my shoulders a little too deeply, his hands were beginning to hurt as they dug into my shoulder blades. I tried to get up again, but he laughed softly and pushed me back down.

"Come on, pans, don't leave yet. I want to talk to you about this. Surely, you feel for me what I feel for you! Don't you want to take this further? Aren't you frustrated with just kissing me?" He looked incredulous, like, of course I felt this way. He thought I was just too embarrassed, or prudish, I couldn't decide which, to bring it up myself.

This arrogant boy looked up at me as though waiting for me to fling myself on top of him and ravage his body. I'd had enough of this, my patience was lost.

"Look, " I said, standing abruptly to catch him off guard in case he tried to stop me again, " I don't know what you're thinking, and frankly, I don't care. This, "I gestured toward him, and around the room, "Means nothing to me. It's just a little fun, or at least it was until you decided you needed to 'take thing's further' and muddle yourself up with emotion." I rolled my eyes at him and turned away.

I smoothed my hair, and examined myself in the pocket mirror I always carried in my robes. Wiping my mouth, which was swollen and red from his urgent, rough kisses, I tried to wipe away the excess lip gloss that had smeared across my face.

He was standing now too, and he stepped around me so he could see me.

"Are you saying that you have absolutely no feelings for me?" He asked in disbelief.

"You catch on quick." I said simply. I put my mirror back inside my robes, and turned to leave when he called after me.

"Too bad Draco doesn't know what a heartless, cheating shrew he has for a girlfriend! It would be terrible for you, Pans, if he were to find out about us." He was smirking at me, daring me to respond. His dark eyes were gleaming with mischief.

I turned around slowly; my mother was taking her to turn to bat. I felt inside my robes for my wand, and clutched it tightly.

"Are you threatening me?" I started to pull my wand out before he spoke again, and I stopped.

"Me? Threaten you? The Great Pansy Parkinson, girlfriend of the even Greater Draco Malfoy? I wouldn't dare!" Dripping sarcasm, he brushed his dark hair out of his eyes, waiting for my response.

Damn! I thought, why couldn't he just be content with what we had, instead of turning into some ungrateful child, begging like Oliver, "Please, mum, could I have some more?"

I had two options. Both were unpleasant, but so was the whole situation. I could perform a memory charm on him, make him forget that we'd ever been intimate. But, I was still having a little trouble with that one, and even though I didn't care about this boy, I didn't want to cause any permanent damage. My other choice was far more suitable for the occasion. He was threatening me, I'd threaten him right back.

"And who do you think Draco would believe? You, a stupid git that he's never liked and couldn't understand how you got sorted into Slytherin, anyway? Or, me? The girl he loves, and trusts? That's a tough one......." I pretended to be thinking really hard, and I sneered at him.

"If he even thought that you were cheating on him, he'd never trust you again. And, he'd make your life miserable." He was yelling now, and on the last word, realized that he was being too loud and through clenched teeth hissed at me. "He'd tell everyone that you're nothing but a whore and you'd have to leave school!" He spat.

I laughed viciously and snapped at him, "Don't talk about things you don't understand. You have no idea what Draco and I mean to each other or where we're headed. And some stupid little boy with a crush isn't going to ruin it. " My hand was on the door knob now. I'd had enough.

"And, I would seriously reconsider your decision to tell Draco about us. Remember, Draco can be mean, but I'm far more spiteful. You think he'd make my life hell? It would be a walk in the park compared to what I'd have in store for you. Tell me, how do you feel about the full body bind?"

I laughed again, and just as I opened the door, I turned back to him. His face was white with dread. Everyone in the whole school knew that I could do that hex superbly, now. I'd practiced it so hard, I even put ol' Millie in the hospital wing for a month.

"Just keep your mouth shut, and maybe if I feel like it, I'll tutor you again sometime." I smiled then; an evil smile borne straight from my mother's rigid face.

I was just outside the entrance to the common room, and I stopped to smoothed my robes down again, and my hair. Concentrating so intently on appearing normal, I didn't even hear him come up behind me.

"Where were you? I've been looking for you for hours!" Draco grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around.

"I-I-I...." Of course. The stuttering would have to start now, wouldn't it? Deep breaths, "I-I- was tutoring Blaize. I told you that at dinner!" I said it a lot more defensively than was wise, and I knew instantly that he didn't believe me.

"I went down to the dungeons, and you weren't there."

"We were in a different class room, change of pace, you know." I shot a look at him, and I could tell there was a great storm brewing behind his eyes. I knew he wanted to believe me, if I'd been a better liar, and not stuttered like an idiot, he wouldn't have asked more than the first question. But, he knew something wasn't right.

All of a sudden Blaize came into view. Strutting like a big man down the corridor, he ambled toward us, and Draco glared at him. Blaize ignored Draco, and turned to me,

"Thanks again for all of your help with potions, Pansy, really, I don't know what I'd do without you!" He winked at me. And, I knew it would simply be a matter of time before he let his big mouth get carried away and ruin what had been a perfect arrangement. He giggled then, like a child, for what seemed the tenth time that evening, and ducked lazily into the portrait hole.

I turned back to Draco, convinced that at any moment he would start with accusations again.

But, he only looked at me with great disappointment. He hadn't caught me, and he had no proof. But, deep down, he knew. He just didn't know why I did it.

12.

Our O.W.L.S were only two days away. I'd studied so hard, I was convinced I would die very shortly of exhaustion. Charms, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, I had them all down. I was tired, but extremely prepared. I'd just finished another marathon session in the library and was heading back to the common room. The corridors were dark, and only the lights of the candles hanging on the walls, flickering slightly due to the breeze, led the way home.

I had just turned to the hall leading to the common room, when I felt a powerful jolt from behind. Whatever it was had knocked me over, spilling my bag full of books all across the hall. I'd stopped myself from hitting the floor face- first with my hands, and as I picked myself up, I saw blood on my palms. I began to wipe my hands on my robes, when I heard a menacing laugh behind me. I spun around, reaching for my wand, when suddenly his arm shot out, and yanked me by the hair into a room across the hall.

It had all happened so fast, I felt the searing pain in my scalp before I was able to extract my wand, and then he threw me viciously onto the floor, and turned to lock the door behind him.

"Been having a good time, lately, Pansy?" Blaize spat at me. He was red-faced and wet with perspiration. I'd never seen him so angry. His chest was heaving, and his eyes were wild, never leaving mine. He didn't blink once.

"Oh, me?" He was sarcastically answering a question I didn't ask, like he was going mad.

"I'm fine; just getting back from another long and painful night in the hospital wing!" He shrieked at me, his eyes blaming me for all that he'd been going through these last couple of weeks.

He was referring to the treatment he'd had to endure since the night Draco "accidentally" found Blaize and me in a classroom on the second floor, definitely not studying. But, what Blaize didn't know, was that I was prepared for Draco to find us that night, and I had set up quite a show in preparation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Two Weeks Earlier~

We'd been sitting outside, somewhat hidden by a large Oak Tree just on the edge of the Lake. I was playing with a blade of grass, and staring out at the glassy surface in front of me.

"Why do you have to tutor that idiot tonight?" Draco whined at me, his head in my lap, legs out straight, crossed at the ankles.

"We take the O.W.L.S. in two weeks, and he really needs my help. Besides, it does help me too. It's just like going through my notes!" I smiled at him, putting my plan into motion.

The time had come to end things with Blaize. And he hadn't seemed too receptive of the idea when I'd suggested it the last time we were together. He became angry, threatening to tell Draco. I soothed him, and told him just to forget about it. If he wouldn't go willingly, and I was running the risk that Draco would find out anyway, I'd just let Draco catch us. But when Draco finds us, I thought mischievously, he'll see only his faithful girlfriend, trying to fight off a very desperate, angry Blaize. And, Draco will never believe a single word that comes out of Blaize's mouth after that!

"Well, how long do you expect to be? Not after ten again? You're looking so tired lately, and I don't want you wasting any of the energy you've got left on HIM!" He was staring up at me looking hopeful, and probably thinking that he'd won me over.

"I won't be that long, I booked the Transfiguration room, the one on the second floor, and I've only got it until 9 P.M." I said, as casually as possible. I knew, because I knew him, that he'd go there that night. I'd never told him before where we were studying, and I knew he wouldn't be able to resist sneaking down in his father's old Invisibility Cloak, finally getting a chance to see what we were up to, when we were alone.

"Oh-oh" He sputtered, I could see the wheels turning in his head, "Oh, good. I want you to get a good night sleep." He said it with a little too much concern, and I knew that he'd taken the bait.

I ruffled his hair, and we got up to go down to dinner. When I left the common room later that night, to tutor Blaize, Draco was still sitting by the fire, ostensibly to study, too. But, I knew he was waiting for me to leave, so he could spy on us.

When Blaize entered the classroom that night, I was there waiting for him, having arrived fifteen minutes early. I was nervous, and I could feel my dinner rumbling around in my stomach. He stomped in, not looking at me, and slammed his books down on the desk next to me. This was how it always started. He'd come in, heave his books down, and pretend to go about studying Potions until his excitement would get the better of him. Then he'd turn to me, and begin to stroke my hair, and I knew what would be coming soon.

We'd been speaking about Potions for five minutes, when all of a sudden the door to the class- room eased, cautiously, open. No one was there.

"Who's there?" Blaize called out. He got up, and ran to the door, poking his head out, and looking up and down the hallway. Seeing that there was no one out there he shut the door, and came back, grinning.

"Must've just been the wind." He was still grinning at me, and slowly shut his Potions book. He rolled a quill along his fingertips, and gave me a long, flirty look.

Show Time, I thought. I was ready for this. When he continued staring at me, and reached his hand out to touch my hair, I didn't miss a beat. Looking aghast, I pulled back aggressively, and scowled at him.

"What do you think you're doing?" I said, highly shocked that he would dare try and touch me! Don't over do it, Pansy. Just stick to the plan. I exhaled slowly, praying that I wouldn't start stuttering.

He looked surprised, then embarrassed. I was standing now, slowly taking steps backward, when he jumped up, and reached for me.

"What am I doing?" He was shouting. "What are YOU doing? Why are you acting like this? Like we've ne-"

Time was of the essence and I didn't dare let him get that last part out. I drew my wand, and poked him hard in the chest.

"I don't know what's the matter with you, but you'd better not even THINK of touching me, you ugly, slimy git!" I said with so much conviction, I almost believed it myself.

"You whore!" He spat at me. He began to charge me then, like a bull seeing red, when all of a sudden I saw a silvery swish out of the corner of my eye. Draco pounced on Blaize, knocking him over. Blaize's wand fell out of his hand, and rolled across the floor. Draco, much stronger than Blaize, held the weaker boy down with one hand, and reached for his own wand. He pointed it straight at Blaize's heart, and whispered to him, his eyes wild with anger.

"Think you can just come in here, and do whatever you want to MY girl friend? You're even stupider than I thought you were!" Draco had him pinned to the floor. I stood back, cowering in the corner, admiration for Draco stretched tightly across my red face. I thought my mother would've been extremely proud of me at this moment.

"But Dra-" He tried to defend himself, but just as he began to speak, Draco drew the wand back, and bellowed,

"Grimanto!"

In a shock of yellow light, Blaize disappeared, and in his place sat a very large, slimy slug! It began to scurry away, but Draco reached for it, and picked it up in his hand. Smiling down at it, he got up, and walked calmly over to the teachers' desk. He picked up the water glass that always sat there, and placed the slug underneath it, for the teacher to find in the morning.

He turned back to me then, and in two fast strides he was across the room, and holding me in his arms.

"Are you alright?" I could feel his breath, hot on my face. He was staring down into my eyes. I felt panicked, that I might say the wrong thing just then. I resolved to say nothing. But simply looked right back into his eyes, nodded, then buried my face in his chest. We walked back to the common room, his arm around my waist; my head on his shoulder. He walked me to the door that led to my dormitory, and pulled me aside. His eyes darted around, making sure no one would hear us.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Everything has been so tense at home lately. Things aren't good. Dad won't give me any details, but something has gone wrong. And I think he's afraid of something, or someone. " I knew he was talking about Voldemort. My dad had been acting strangely, too.

"Don't worry about it. Your father can take care of himself." I put my hand on his arm, and looked into his pale slate eyes.

"Trust me. " I said, and then trying to change the subject, "Thanks for tonight."

His face instantly contorted into a ball of rage. "I'll make that sod regret EVER trying to touch you! Just wait!"

~
And he had. Over the course of the next two weeks, Draco and his cronies performed every hex imaginable on Blaize. Turned him into all sorts of nasty creatures. Petrified him, tripped him every time he stepped into the hallway, gave him the full body-bind, jelly legs, everything! When he came to the Great Hall for meals they would all disguise their comments through conveniently timed coughs.

"Git!" Cough, cough.

"Slime ball!" Cough, cough.

"Sod Off!" Cough, cough.

It had gotten so bad, I couldn't remember the last time I saw him in the Great Hall at meal time. I wondered, briefly, if he was just sneaking to the kitchens to steal food after hours.

~
Back in that dark classroom now, he frightened me. He had me cornered, and I could tell that Draco and the rest of his friends had pushed Blaize past his breaking point. He was glaring at me, and I could tell that he was about ready to vent all of his frustrations on me. I reached for my wand, but he grabbed my arm.

"Don't even think about it." He spat, and reached inside my robes for my wand. He snatched it away and tucked it inside his own robes. He pushed me back down on the floor and stood towering over me, before he grabbed a chair, swung it around, and straddled it.

"I've been practicing my counter courses, you know, and I thought you might want to see how good I've been getting!" He said, his voice high, and desperate.

"Look, I don't know what you plan on doing, but if you have any sense at all, you'll stand up, and walk out of this room, without another bloody word!" I said trying to sound confident. I was thinking fast, and without my wand, I had to intimidate him.

"If you think this is bad, just wait until Draco finds out about you knocking me down, and pulling my hair! And, threatening me!" I dared him.

He smiled at me then; A wicked smile. His whole face grimaced with hatred as he stared at me. I was the source of all the grief he'd had to endure, and as he pushed his hair out of his eyes, I was truly afraid. My breath was coming faster and my heart felt ready to explode right out of my chest. He arched an eyebrow, and very casually said,

"What makes you think Draco will ever find out what happened to you?"

13.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh," It didn't surprise me in the least that I began to stutter. Without my wand, I was no match for him. He'd proven only moments ago that he was more than capable of picking me up by my hair, and throwing me across the room. My hands were still bleeding from where they'd hit the floor, and my head throbbed in the spot where he'd pulled a whole handful of my hair out. I had to think, and I had to keep him talking, if I could form a coherent sentence, that is.

"Wh-wh-wh-what a-a-a-rre y-you g-g-g-g-going to do?" I stammered, and glanced around the room, searching. I didn't know what I was hoping to find, but I definitely couldn't make eye contact with Blaize. In part because I was frightened, sure, but also because I knew his anger toward me was justified. I tried to dismiss the guilt.

He looked stunned that I was sputtering so badly. When we were together during his "tutorials" I was either all business, or all play. I never showed him any emotion, and certainly not fear. Looking delighted that he'd had this kind of effect on me, he smiled depravedly and said,

"Tell me Pansy, are you st-st-st-stuttering because you're scared?" He laughed at his own joke, and I stayed silent, thinking. He still had me covered with his wand, and I was afraid the wrong comment would certainly provoke some horrible hex. I just didn't know how far he was prepared to go to punish me.

"No-no-no-" I was too frightened at the way he was looking at me to say anything more.

Deep breaths, just think and stay calm.

If I screamed, he would hex me and run out of the room before anyone caught him. If I tried to attack him, he would probably just laugh, and bounce me on the floor like a rubber ball. I had only one option left. I had to outsmart him. Under normal circumstances, that would be a piece of cake. I was a prefect, after all! And, I hadn't started sneaking off to snog with him because of his great wit! He was just a pretty boy, and I liked them pretty. But now, standing before me, he was ugly with hatred, and my heart was beating too fast and I couldn't catch my breath; Not to mention the stuttering. I didn't know what to do. I felt helpless.

"Well, I've never known you to be scared of anything, Pansy!" He put emphasis on my name, taunting me. I was still trying to figure out how to get out of the room, and didn't answer him. He looked at me expectantly, and when I didn't say anything, he practically ran to me, and stopped just inches from my face. His breath was hot, and smelled of cabbage. Undoubtedly due to one of the tonics he'd had to take in the hospital wing that day. I looked down, still unable to meet his eyes.

"How about now? Scared?" His eyes were still wild, and cloudy. I had to say something. I was afraid of what would happen if I remained silent. He was so close, I could feel his chest heaving next to mine; Feel the heat coming from his body.

"O-of course not!" I tried to sound confident. He had dropped the hand holding his wand to his side, and suddenly I knew what to do.

"Why would I be afraid of you?" My voice rose slightly, and I arched any eyebrow up at him. I was looking deeply into his eyes. My mother was slowly emerging.

"Because any minute I'm going to torture you for what you did to me. I never thought I'd be capable of putting the Cruciatus Curse on anyone. But, I think if the rest of the school knew what you REALLY were, you'd definitely be classified as a Dark Witch!" He hissed, and raised his wand. My heart stopped, briefly. But, then I thought better of his threat. He was bluffing. I knew him well enough to know that he was too much of a coward to do that spell. And, it was very difficult, where would he learn how to do it, anyway?

Thinking fast, I put my hand out to defend myself, and clutched at his robes.

"Please, no. I'm so sorry for what happened that night! And, for everything that's happened since then! " I spoke slowly, and with great sincerity. I needed him to think of me as the victim.

"Draco's been, er, rough with me before, and I was too scared to tell him how I felt about you." I purred, and clutched his robe tighter, pulling him toward me.

He dropped his wand again, and his face softened.

"What are you playing at?" He was still suspicious, and he tried to take a step back, but I drew him to me, again.

"You didn't really think I wanted them to do all of those terrible things to you, did you?" I asked innocently. He didn't answer, so I pressed on.

"When I tried to defend you, he told me I could never speak to you again, and if I did, er, well, I'd regret it." The look on his face made me want to stop and pat myself on the back. Not a single stutter.

"You-you tried to defend me?"

"That night he caught us, I had a suspicion that he might show up, and I knew it would be worse if he thought that anything was going on. That's why I tried to stop you when you touched me! I knew he was in the room, hiding under his invisibility cloak! I didn't want you to get hurt!"

He pulled me into his arms then, and began rocking me back and forth. I smiled to myself, my face pressed to his chest.

I would like to thank The Academy for all of their support..............................

"I'm so sorry I hurt you tonight!" He said quickly, and lifted my chin, so my eyes met his. I wiped the smile off my face, and nodded weakly.

"I knew, deep in my heart, that you felt something for me. But I was so angry with you, because I thought you were behind it all!" He said, relief flooding his face.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I could never do anything to hurt you!" I wrapped an arm around his waist, and began feeling around inside his robes. My other hand caressed his cheek. I slowly retracted my wand, and took two steps back. He didn't realize I had it, and the shock on his face when I cast the spell made me laugh out loud.

"Expelliarmus!" His wand shot out of his hand, and I caught it. He quickly tried to grab it from me, but he was too late.

"Petrificus Totalus!" I shouted, and silver light shot out of my wand. He went rigid, and fell flat on his back.

I tucked both wands into my robes, and turned back to him, lying quite still on the floor. I gingerly rubbed the cuts on my hands, which were still bleeding and fingered my sore scalp.

"You stupid git!" I spat and kicked him in frustration. "Did you really think I was going to let you throw me around, cut my hands, pull my hair out, and then just fall into your arms?" I kicked him again. His eyes were darting around, shocked, and, I was happy to note: fearful.

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret," I leaned over him, my mouth inches from his. I brushed his hair out of his eyes, licked my lips, and said seductively,

"I knew that all I had to do was turn on the charm, and you'd be too stupid to see through my façade. That's your real weakness, you know, you let your -" I gestured down at his groin- "do all the thinking.

"It'll be your down fall, you might want to work on that" I laughed mercilessly, and skipped out of the classroom, humming, trying to drown out my mother's voice, shouting in my head,

"You did it! You knew how to trick him! You're just like me! Just like me! I know how to get what I want from a man, and so do you! The apple doesn't roll that far from the tree, huh, Pansy?"

14.

I was still congratulating myself for my superb performance with Blaize when I entered the Common Room, and spotted Draco sitting by the fire He looked utterly exhausted from studying. e was pale, and his hair hung in his face, no trace of tonic. I went to sit down with him, when I remembered that my bag, and all of my books were still out in the hall. I was so preoccupied when I finally got away from Blaize, that I completely forgot them.

I started to retreat, hoping Draco wouldn't notice me as I quickly turned around.

Too late. He looked up, and smiled weakly when he saw me.

"There you are." I turned slightly, and walked toward him. I bent low enough for him to kiss me on the cheek, and felt the ever present tingling when his lips lightly touched my face. Amazing, I thought, as I lowered myself into a chair across from him. He'd only ever kissed me on the cheek, but every time he did, every time he so much as touched me, I had this incredible sensation. It was hard to explain. It was as if I'd suddenly walked out into the sunlight after being in a cave for so long. Like donning a cloak made of comfort and happy memories.

"How was studying?" He yawned, and stretched his arms high above his head.

Please, don't notice that I haven't got any books, I prayed silently. I didn't feel like lying to him just then.

"Oh, you know the usu-" But, I stopped when I saw the shocked look on his face.

"What happened to you?" His voice laden with worry.

"Oh-oh, it's nothing, really. " I just then remembered that the cuts on my hand were still bleeding, and my hair was thrown into a thousand directions. I felt a bruise beginning to form on my cheek from where I hit the floor in the classroom. I must've looked like I'd been in a fight. He was beside me in less than a second. My hands shot up to my head to smooth my hair, but when I did, he gasped, and jumped back.

"What's that? Blood?" He grabbed a hold of my hands, and examined the cuts. He was staring at me, expectantly.

"Well, what happened to you? Did you fall?"

I was tempted to say yes, I'd fallen. But, when he was holding my bloody hands in his, so concerned for my safety, so loving and very much not like his father, I just couldn't lie to him.

I was wrestling my mother down now. If I'd let her take control, she would've lied, with great ease. Anything to ensure that Draco didn't become angry, or upset; the perfect wife. But, I was fighting her, and she was going down. And, every ounce of goodness inside me was screaming to gush out. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him about the veritaserum, and about Blaize. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How sorry I was for everything.

"I-I-I-" I sputtered. And, I was defeated. He dropped my hand when I began to stutter, and mum surged back to life.

"I-I f-fell on that staircase with the trick step!" I tried to sound as light-hearted as I could, it was no big deal.

"I didn't realize I was bleeding!" Sounding surprised at this discovery as I inspected my hands.

Inside, I was crying. I hated myself at that moment. I hated myself with passion and energy that frightened me. I was repulsive, a cheating, lying, despicable whore and I didn't deserve him. The year before, I thought we were the same. Basically, we were. But there was one difference between us that was steadily growing. He was fighting to rid himself of all that was learned from Lucius, with small successes. But, my mother had a strangle- hold on me. Every time I tried to fight her, I lost. Except when he touched me. When he touched me, I felt capable of anything. Even escaping her.

A light bulb went off in my head, as I sat there, gazing into his pale beautiful eyes. He wasn't weak. He was young, and greatly influenced by his horrible father. But, he was fighting. I was the one who was weak. I, who hated weakness above anything else. Could it be that I pretended to hate weakness, simply because I knew deep down that I was weak? I was too weak to fight against becoming my mother. I was too weak to fight both my parents about the arranged marriage. I pondered this, and made a mental note to do some serious soul- searching in the very near future. I was suddenly too tired to think.

"Well, it doesn't look too bad, " He said slowly, "But, I think we'd better go down to the Hospital Wing, so Madam Pomfrey can heal those cuts. "

"No, no, it's not that bad, see, " I tried to wipe the blood off with a tissue, but the cuts persisted to gush crimson and heavy drops could be heard splattering on the floor. He gently lifted me out of the chair, and said,

"Come on. No fighting, now, let's just go and get you taken care of." I was suddenly drained of all the energy I had left in my tired body as I let him carry me down to the hospital wing. The adrenaline that had been pumping earlier that night, had all but knocked me out.

We passed by my bag on the floor, just outside the classroom where Blaize had attacked me. Draco started to ask me what they were doing out there, but I stopped him before he could get it all out.

"Oh, I was carrying them after I fell, my bag split open. But, then I kept dropping the books, so I just left them here, thinking I'd retrieve them later." I was whispering, as my head lay gently on his shoulder, empty, and too tired to say any more, or lie convincingly.

~

Madam Pomfrey did a quick spell that healed my hands completely. She said I looked like I'd been through a train wreck, and vowed to tell Professor Dumbledore the very next day that the trick step needed to be repaired immediately. It had, after all, sent so many students her way in the past few years.

"Here, take this dear, " She was pouring a sleeping draught down my throat. "You look like you haven't slept in days! You will stay here tonight, and get a good night sleep!" She exclaimed as she turned to Draco.

"Come Mr. Malfoy, let her get some rest. You may see her in the morning." She was leading him to the door, past a bed with the curtain half- way drawn. Draco must've been able to see who was in the bed, because he stopped, and turned to Madam Pomfrey.

"Is he still in here from earlier today?" He asked, slightly amused at his own brilliance for hexing Blaize so badly.

"No, he left right after dinner. But, then just before you and Pansy came in, Professor Snape levitated him in here. He's been petrified! Only gone for an hour, before he came back, hexed again!" She stopped to suck in a breath before continuing, "I'll be speaking to Professor Dumbledore about all of these hexes going on out in the hall, as well! That boy's been in here so much these last couple of weeks, the house elves automatically send his food tray here!" She said with great impatience as she tried to push him toward the door.

"Where was he when he was found?" His curiosity now peaked.

" Inside a classroom down the hall from your common room, I believe. Now, really, you need to get back to dormitory!" She pushed him out the door, but in the last second before he was out in the hall, he turned suddenly, and gave me a questioning look. Then he was gone. She locked the door behind him. The sleeping draught was beginning to take affect, and I found myself drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

15.

I awoke the next morning, groggy, my head aching. Sunlight was streaming in from the window above my cot, and I couldn't see. My stomach was rumbling with hunger. I could hear what sounded like two people whispering a few cots away. But, I couldn't tell who they were. I laid there for a few minutes, trying to find the strength to sit up and let Madam Pomfrey know I was awake, when suddenly I was able to grasp what the voices were saying.

"........the last six months......." This voice was frightened, and his words were coming out in great gasps.

"What do you mean the last six months?" The other voice hissed viciously.

I heard a slight struggle, and what sounded like a heavy blow being thrown. The one with the frightened voice cried out in pain. I still couldn't see clearly, but I was very much aware whom the voices belonged to and what they were talking about. I was struggling to say something, anything really, to get Draco's attention. But my voice, stubbornly, would not work. Ha! It serves me right, I thought. If he finds out the truth this way, my mother won't be able to put any lies into my mouth to dissuade him. No vague excuses, no out- and- out falsehoods. I closed my eyes, and sighed in resignation of the inevitable. It's finally going to happen.

"Since she started tutoring me!" Blaize cried.

"Did you and she ever have-"

Blaize cut him off and squeaked, "N-no! No! It was nothing like that, just a little snogging!" Blaizes' voice was high and desperate.

"What happened last night?" I could see now, and Draco had a hold of Blaize's arm, twisting it until it looked like it might just come right out of the socket. His platinum hair was in his face, as he bent over the smaller boy. Blaize, crying openly, wasn't struggling against Draco. He was too frightened.

"I'd had it." Blaize looked down, his face turning scarlet. "I couldn't take it anymore. You," He almost spat, but thought better of it, "And all of your friends, hexing me every time I turned around. It was unbearable! It was all her fault, so I was going to make her pay!" His words were hurried now, "I waited for her outside the common room, and when I saw her, I grabbed her, and pulled her into a class room. I was going to hex her, until...." He stopped, this last part was just too much to recount.

"Until what? What happened?" Draco demanded, and when Blaize didn't speak, he twisted his arm again.

"Ow! Oh, alright. She made out like she liked me, and was really sorry for everything. But, then, when I, uh, hugged her, she grabbed her wand out of my robe, and petrified me. " Blaize looked completely deflated

"Well, it's nice to know I'm not the only one she likes to make a fool of." Draco laughed softly. I heard Blaize exhale, apparently thinking he was off the hook. Wrong. Another blow, and Blaize screamed in pain.

"If you ever, EVER, tell anyone about this, I'll kill you!" His nose was inches away from Blaize's frightened face. "If any one finds out about you and Pansy, I'll kill you!" Another twist of the arm, another shriek of pain from Blaize, and Draco swept out of the Hospital Wing, without even a backward glance at me.

~

I didn't want to leave the safety of the hospital wing. What would he do now? Go, and cheat on me? Scream at me? Give me the silent treatment? Beat me? I wished now that I had said something. Not knowing what he would do, armed with this knowledge, was far scarier than a row would've ever been.

"I really don't feel well, I think I might have a fever!" I lied unconvincingly as Madam Pomfrey came to inspect me. Just an hour after Blaize was excused, and I was exasperated, and desperate, but she saw right through me.

"Nonsense! You're taking the O.W.L.S tomorrow! You need to get back to your common room and study!" She picked up my clothes, and handed them to me.

Pointing toward the door, "It's just nerves Miss Parkinson, you'll do fine! Shoo!"

I hung my head as I walked as slowly as possible out the door. It was Sunday, breakfast was over, and most people were outside studying in the sun. It was a beautiful June day. Not a cloud in the sky. I hoped, beyond anything, that Draco was outside with everyone else, as I climbed through portrait hole. I stopped just inside the door, and peered around for any sign of Draco.

"Thank God, " I said out loud. The common room was deserted. I hurried up to my dormitory, and noticed, upon arrival, that all of the books and quills that had fallen out of my bag the previous night, were lying neatly on my desk. I was too nervous to study, I began taking off my clothes to have a bath, when fear struck my heart at the sound of his voice.

"Feeling better, dear?"

Draco was lying on my bed. His hands behind his head, ankles crossed. He looked quite relaxed.

I'd taken my shirt off before he spoke, and I hastened to cover up, as I whirled around to face him. My heart was pounding. At that instant, I knew I was done for. The stuttering would begin momentarily, once I was able to locate my voice.

"Now, now, no reason to be modest, Pansy!" He sprung off the bed, and tugged at the shirt I was holding to cover my breasts. I jumped two feet backward, defensively holding my arm in front of me.

"Really, Pansy, I would've thought an accomplished girl like you would have no trouble showing me a little skin. You didn't seem to have trouble showing it to Blaize. " He said the last bit with so much venom I instantly thought of a serpent hissing.

O.K., he has every right to be angry with me. Just let him get it out. Let him do whatever he wants.

I was thinking fast now,

'Tell him Blaize was lying' my mother whispered in my ear.

'Shut up mum, I can handle this myself.'

She wasn't going away that easy though, 'If you tell him the truth, your life will be ruined, he'll never marry you'

Her voice reverberated in my head, like a church bell being struck on the Sabbath.

'he doesn't have a choice. I'll admit everything, and then spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I love him, I can't lie anymore!'

The little battle I'd just had apparently showed on my face, because Draco was staring at me, looking deeply confused.

I took a deep breath. "Alright. I'll tell you everything."

16.

"I know you're upset." I said slowly, and he scoffed.

"No, really? What would give you that idea?" He screamed, and grabbed both my arms. He began to shake me violently, but then, just as suddenly, stopped. I got the impression that he was trying to drown out Lucius.

I backed away, and felt a hot tear splash down my cheek. There's nothing worse than being confronted when you know you're wrong. I was wrong, and I had to make things right.

I was still covering myself with the shirt and I sat down on my bed. I looked up at him, and was barely audible.

"Please don't hurt me. Just let me explain. " I was pleading now. I felt like my whole future was at stake. He was embarrassed that he'd been so rough with me. He gave a short nod, and sat down across from me to listen.

I can do this, I thought, as I looked into the handsome face of the boy I was supposed to marry. I knew that if I touched him, I'd be able to get everything out without having to fight with mum. But, I didn't think he'd be too happy with me if I tried to touch him just then. Just a hunch.

Deep breaths, no stuttering. "I'm sorry you had to find out from B-" I started to say Blaize's name, but thought better of it-" I mean, I'm sorry I'm not the one who told you. " He just stared, expectantly, waiting to hear more.

"After I've finished telling you everything, I don't expect you'll want to speak to me again but, before that happens, I want you to know something: I love you. And, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. " I was looking down at my feet, I'd never said that before. We'd never said that before. He looked surprised, but then just as quickly, the scowl returned.

"Just tell me. " He said softly, but he was still angry.

"I hated the idea of us being forced to marry. I hated, excuse me, I hate my parents for taking the most important decision of my life away from me. But, last year when you took me to the Yule Ball, I realized that they had made the perfect match. I used to be scared of you, you know, "I half- smiled then, "but that night, I knew when we were dancing, that it just felt right. Holding you, touching you. I'd never felt such powerful emotions. But then I overheard you and Marcus, and I was angry. I thought you'd been lying to me. I thought you only asked me because your father made you. " I took a deep breath, this next part would surely infuriate him.

"When you sent me that owl the day before we went home, informing me that you were coming to dinner, I ran down to the dungeons and stole veritaserum from Snape. I poured it into the bottle of wine my mother served with dinner, and you all drank it. " I was utterly, totally vile. He quite agreed, I gathered from the disgusted expression that now crept slowly onto his face. But, I wasn't finished. I had to get it all out, while I had forced mum down.

"I asked my father why I had to marry you, and he gave me the same old story, 'pure- bloods have to marry other pure- bloods' and so on. " I omitted the part about Lucius not thinking Draco was a good son. And, that he beat his wife. I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already had.

"What did you ask me?" He said suspiciously.

Exhale, and whisper. "I asked how you felt about Me."

"What did I say?" He said slowly.

"You told me you loved me. You said you had always loved me, even when we were children. You knew we'd be together someday, " Fat chance of that now, I thought miserably,

"I asked if you would be unfaithful to me, and you said it was expected of you. You started to say something else, but you didn't get it all out, and then the veritaserum wore off. " He was thinking back to that night, I could tell, and it dawned on him.

"I knew something was off that night. The food had been steaming one minute, and cold as ice the next. " He didn't say anything about the "loving me" part of my confession, and I wondered why, briefly, before I continued.

"My parents might be forcing us into this, but my mother has a greater power over me. I don't know how it happens, but I find myself thinking like her, and doing things I know she would do." I dropped my head in shame. I'd never told a soul about the constant battles I fought every day.

" I saw our future, and I was scared. I would turn into my mother, a spiteful, mean, cat and you would become like Lucius. And, we would have pretty pure- blood babies, and I'd never be happy, because we'd be just like them. You would cheat on me, and I would have to silently endure it. My father cheats on my mother, you know, and he's just horrible all the way around. But, she puts up with him, just so she can live in a big house, and have loads of galleons. " I turned my back to him, and put my shirt back on, I was getting cold.

He didn't say anything. He was trying to take it all in.

"So, you thought I would cheat on you after we were married, and your way of paying me back was to cheat on me, now?"

"I'm sorry. I guess, subconsciously, yes, that's what I thought. "

"Is that it?" He stood now, the anger returning to his face. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

"Just that I meant what I said before. I love you, with ever fiber in my body. I don't want us to be like our parents when we're married. I want us to be happy. " I was looking him straight in the eyes, but he wouldn't return my gaze.

"Well," Amusement played on his lips as he spoke, "You betrayed me. You lied to me. You let that disgusting sleeze- ball touch you. And, all because you expected me to cheat on you. We have to marry in two years, fine; we know we have no choice. But you just blew any chance of being happily wed. That night, when you gave us the veritaserum, if I had finished speaking before the potion wore off, I would've told you that it's expected of me to be unfaithful like my father, but I would never do that to you. I loved you, Pansy, and like you, I wanted us to be different from our parents. I could never trust you now. " Great disappointment suddenly turned to vengeance.

I nodded my head sadly, I expected this. It was all my fault. I wasn't strong enough to fight against my mother, and in the process I had destroyed any chance we had for happiness, together.

"So, you wanted something different than what our parents have, but you didn't trust me enough to believe that I could do it. Fine, we'll play it your way. Let me tell you how it's going to work from here on out. " He was at the door, his hand on the knob. A sneer spread across his face.

"You will do what I say, when I say. You will not speak to any other guys. EVER! You will be submissive, and obedient, just like your mum, "He added viciously. "And, if you misbehave, I'll inform your parents of your misadventures with that git." He dropped his hand from the door, and strode toward me, still sneering.

He bent down, and kissed me so roughly I thought I tasted blood. Our first real kiss.

17.

"Which Giant did Taurk the Chief Goblin kill in 1232 during the Battle of Austria?"

I'd been stuck on this question for the last ten minutes, and the answer just wasn't presenting itself. I scribbled something, which I knew to be incorrect. I sighed, and put my quill down, resolved to just forget about it. Last one. I was finally done with the O.W.L.S. Thank God.

I looked around the room, and saw that we had at least ten more minutes left in the hour- glass. I put my head down on the edge of the desk, and shut my eyes. I was exhausted. As if the O.W.L.S. weren't difficult enough, I thought miserably, I'd had to endure Draco's contempt for me all week, too.

After he left the dormitory that day, I sat in a hot bath for hours. Silently crying, and cursing my parents.

'You idiot girl!' My mother hissed in my ear.

'No mother, it had to be this way. I couldn't keep lying to him.' My mouth twitched as my thoughts swirled inside my head. I sank into the hot water, hoping I could drown her along with myself. Now, nearly five days later, she still wouldn't shut up.

'You could've talked your way out of it, y-ou could've told him Blaize was lying. But, oh no, somewhere in your adolescence you developed a conscience, and it's becoming a nuisance!' Mother spat at me from deep inside my soul.

'We could've been happy if I hadn't listened to you! He would've been different! Now, he's going to treat me worse than Lucius treats his own wife, and he's already started to act like a bigger bastard!' I slumped further down in my seat, my face growing hot as I recalled the events of the past week.

Millie and Clara were worried when they came into the dormitory that night when Draco and I had "talked". Draco had been hexing first years in the common room, and was just being a horrible prat. When they asked him where I was, he grunted incoherently at them, and turned away.

"He just wasn't acting like himself! He's was being really mean to everyone!" Millie said as she stepped out of her robes, exposing a very portly mid-section, and reached for a nightgown.

"Oh, I know!" Chimed in Clara, heaving herself into bed. "I haven't seen him act like that for at least two years!"

"Did you guys have a fight?" Millie asked me as I put my hair up, and climbed into my own four- poster.

"Mind your own business." I said hotly, and pulled my curtain shut. I didn't want them running off, gossiping, and Draco finding out. I didn't want to make him angrier than I already had.

"Well-" Millie started to say something, but Clara stopped her. Clara had seen, on more than a few occasions, just how nasty I could be when I didn't want to be bothered.

The next day Draco and I had walked, silently, to the Great Hall together. Not too close and definitely not touching. We ate breakfast, silently, together and walked to our first O.W.L., silently, together. He didn't want anyone to know anything was wrong, in case his parents were watching us, but he didn't want to make things too easy for me, either. When other people were around, we behaved normally, but the second we were alone, his facial expression would change, and he'd become someone else. Someone who didn't much care for me. He regarded me like an insect he was trying to brush off. He wouldn't even make eye- contact with me.

That's how it went all week. He ignored me when he could, and grudgingly endured me when he had to. I was counting the minutes until school would be over. I couldn't wait to go home and escape the evil looks he was prone to shoot at me, now. I had to get out of there.

"Aaaauuuugggghhhhh!" Someone in the room had fallen, and let out a terrible scream.

My head shot up, and I looked in the direction the shout had come from. Oh, I thought with disgust. Of course it was Potter. Anything for a little attention. Professor Binns glided over to him, as did The Examiner. I heard them whispering fervently, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. They picked him up, and led him out of the room. Probably gets an Outstanding just for showing up, I thought, as I picked up my quill and parchment, and marched to the front of the room to hand in my paper.

I walked back to the Common Room, slowly. Draco had ditched me just as we got to the entrance and ran outside with Crabb and Goyle. I was becoming bitter, but No, I told myself with determination. I deserved this treatment. The phrase, 'You reap what you Sew' popped in my head, and I laughed to myself as I climbed in the portrait hole.

I lay down on my bed to take a nap. I'd packed my things the night before, greatly anticipating my leave. One more day, I thought dreamily, as my eye- lids became heavy, and I drifted off to sleep.

I woke to a great deal of commotion going on down in the Common Room. I could hear shouting, as I slowly raised myself out of bed. I looked toward Millie and Clara's beds. Both were empty. What time is it, I thought as I yawned, and reached for my robes. It had to be late; the moonlight was streaming through the window.

I entered the common room to find fifteen Slytherin's standing in small groups of three or four, each having heated discussions. I saw Draco talking to Crabb, Goyle, Millie, Clara, and another boy, Nott. When I entered the room, everyone stopped and stared at me. What in the world was going on?

"It's OK, she needs to know, too." Draco addressed the group, and everyone went back to their own conversations. Draco motioned me over.

"What's going on? Why is everyone shout-" I stopped when I saw Millie's and Clara's tear- stained faces.

"Millie what happened-" Draco cut me off.

"Listen, because we haven't got a lot of time." He said heatedly, clearly angry.

"My father, your father, and everyone else in this room's fathers' were arrested tonight at the Ministry of Magic. I don't know what happened, exactly, but they've all been sent to Azkaban."

My heart stopped. I'd known this day would come for almost a year. My father was acting strangely after Voldemort returned. I knew there was something going on, but he certainly didn't tell mum and me any of the details.

"What will happen to them?" It dawned on me then that I really didn't care. I hated my father. He could rot, but I couldn't say that in front of these people. Millie and Clara were visibly shaken at the idea of their own fathers' incarcerations. And, God only knows what Draco would've said if I spoke my mind just then.

"We don't know anything yet. But I have an idea it has something to with Potter." Said Draco, taking charge.

Suddenly an owl swooped into the room from the open window overhead. It stopped directly in front of Draco, and dropped a rolled - up piece of parchment on his head. It fell to the floor, and he quickly bent down to retrieve it. He opened it up, and scanned it with great anticipation.

"Who's it from?" Bellowed Crabb.

"Shut up, and let him read it." I spoke hotly, and turned my attention back to Draco. He was looking at the note with great disbelief. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a corner, out of ear -shot of everyone else.

"My mother says that she and I are to stay at your house, per the instructions of my father."

18.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-" Oh, sweet Jesus.

"WHAT!" Draco snapped at me.

"If you can't even speak properly, then just keep your mouth shut!" He hissed, and glanced quickly around the room to make sure that no one was listening.

Suddenly all of the tension and grief I had been carrying around with me all week came spilling out. My eyes filled to the brim with hot tears, and I put my head down as they came gushing out. A great sob rose heavily in my chest, but I suppressed it. Deep breaths....

"Wh-what do you mean, 'come to our house?'" I whispered from somewhere beneath my hair, which was completely covering my tear stained face.

"Just what I said, " He snapped impatiently. "My father was allowed to send an owl home, before they were transported to Azkaban. Our fathers' decided it would be best if my mother and I stayed with you. Apparently, the reporters are already swarming the Manor, and your house is un-plottable. So, we shouldn't be bothered there. " He softened a bit, then. I was still whimpering, and apparently he thought I was scared for my father, because then he said,

"Don't worry. The dementors have already left to serve the Dark Lord. They'll be out of Azkaban in no time. " He said, but he didn't seem all that happy at the idea.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't give a damn if my father ever got out of Azkaban. I hated him, and I knew that my mother would, secretly, be happy about this. I knew that it was the money she cared about, not him. Oh, she'd put on the mask, and pretend to be grieving, but if you looked just close enough, you would see tears borne of joy, not pain.

"Who's coming to get us at the station?" I don't know why that mattered, but I wanted to keep talking to him. He was actually being nice, and he seemed to have forgotten to hate me just then.

"That's why I said we didn't have a lot of time. Fudge told Dumbledore to use a port -key and send us home immediately. I was planning on going to the Manor, but I guess I'm going with you. " He seemed repulsed at the idea of spending an entire summer locked up with only me, and our mothers'.

"Go pack your things, " He ordered and turned to the rest of the Slytherin's.

In the same commanding voice: "Dumbledore will be here any moment with Port Keys for everyone to go home. Get your trunks' and get back here immediately."

Most of the girls began to cry, and the boys were too intimidated by the way Draco was taking charge to say anything about his bossy tone. They did as they were told and scattered toward their dormitories'. I continued to stand there, thinking about my father, and mother. How would mother behave in front of Narcissa and Draco? How would I behave around Draco, when we were alone? And, worse, how would he behave toward me?

"Pansy!" I snapped back to attention.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" He shouted now that everyone else had gone.

"Didn't you hear me? I said go get packed!"

"I already packed-" I said defensively.

"Well, are you going to go get what you packed, or do you want to just leave everything here?" I was so stupid. I turned and walked quickly to my dormitory.
~

It had all been a blur by the time we got home that night. Dumbledore came nearly seconds after I had heaved my trunk down the stairs. Everyone was chattering. Angry faces contorted to sad ones. Most of all: we were scared. Narcissa was already at the house when we arrived, at nearly 5 a.m., looking extremely tired, yet more relaxed than I'd ever seen her before. Her pointed face seemed lighter, and younger than it had in years. Mum was the same; she was wearing a dressing gown, her hair half up, half down, in a thousand different directions She'd obviously been sleeping when everything had happened, but she definitely had an air of peace I'd never seen in her before. The only thing that surprised me was that she was behaving this way in front of Narcissa. They were in the family room, lounging on two large squashy- looking chairs. A bottle of wine, and two half-empty glasses sitting on the table between them.

We entered the room, the house elves struggling with our trunks behind us. Draco walked purposefully toward his mother, and when she saw him, she squealed with delight and drew her son into an enormous bear- hug. When he finally pulled away from her, I was startled to see they were both crying, and smiling!

I looked questioningly at my mother. She beckoned for me to come sit down, and when I did, she tried to hug me, too. Something she hadn't done in more than a year. I pulled away from her, and looked back and forth between them all.

"It's O.K. you know, " My mother said reassuringly, " This should've happened a long time ago. Narcissa and I have been slaves to those abusive, cheating, bastards! Now, we're finally quit of them!" I couldn't believe it! My mother, the same woman who would cut out her tongue rather than disparage her husbands' good name in front of anyone, was giggling like a teenager!

"Wh-what if they get out?" I asked quietly, to no one in particular. Draco and his mother were hugging again, still crying. Mum was awkwardly trying to stand up, the effects of the wine showing as she stumbled to gain her composure.

"Even if they get out, they can't come here!" Narcissa had broken away from Draco, and was looking at me with great affection. I knew, then, that Draco hadn't told her anything about the fight we had.

"She's right, you know. Your father made ME Secret Keeper! He couldn't find this place if he were standing right outside!" My mother was practically laughing as the words spilled out of her. Father made her Secret Keeper so Voldemort couldn't read his thoughts, and find our house to use as a head- quarters for all of his dirty work. My father wasn't nearly as loyal to the Dark Lord as Lucius was.

"He's really gone!" Draco was looking into his mothers' eyes, great relief now showing on his face, as well. He turned to me suddenly, to smile, but just as quickly turned away, remembering to hate me again.

Narcissa grabbed Draco's hand, and smiled slyly at him. Then, she grabbed mine, and gave me the same weird look.

"We've made a decision tonight. " Narcissa said, nodding in my mother's direction.

"We know how unfair it was for us to arrange your marriage. While Sara (Have I ever mentioned my mum's name is Sara?) and I do believe in the sanctity of blood, we have both been in your current predicament, and we want to give you the choice we never had."

WHAT? Had I just heard her correctly? Draco and I didn't have get married? I glanced over at him to see an equally surprised look on his face. Not happy, just surprised. I sat in shocked silence as she continued beaming at us.

"Our marriages' were arranged, and while they were obviously economically sound-, "She gestured around our posh family room. My mothers' face glowed, reveling in the compliment. "-there was never any love. We don't want to do that to you. Of course we prefer if you marry someone of pure- blood-"

"Of course!" My mother chimed in.

"But, we really just want you both to be happy. Pansy, -" She said, squeezing my hand,

"I'll always think of you as a daughter."

My mother nodded her head eagerly in agreement. She was acting like a completely different person. I was dazed, and I couldn't speak. Neither could Draco. I knew I would start stuttering.

"Wh-wh-wh-"

They all just laughed, but not in a nasty way. They were all simply overjoyed at the prospect of their new lives, Lucius and Theodore (That's dad) free.

"Wh-what are we supposed to do now?" I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't know if I was talking about Draco and I? Or mother and I? I was practically delirious.

"Whatever we want, from here on out, dear girl!" My mother slobbered and stooped in front of me, exuberantly kissing me on top of the head. Out of all the strange things that had happened that night, you know, dad going to Azkaban, no more arranged marriage to Draco, the thing that was taking my breath away was my mother's behavior. It was like all of the bitterness, and anger washed away, and in their stead stood a woman with hope.

"Well, Narcissa, I think it's time we retire, and you both should do the same!" My mother yawned; she wasn't really ordering me like she used to, she was casually offering a suggestion. She grabbed the bottle of wine, winking at both of us, and stumbled up the stairs, humming to herself. Narcissa grabbed Draco again for another bear- hug, and whispered to him,

"We're free! " She said with great happiness. Then with a determined look, "He CAN'T EVER hurt us again!" A single tear rolled down her pale cheek, and she hugged him again.

"It's O.K. mum, I know, I know-" He murmured. She pulled away from him. And when she was standing at the door,

"I hope you two will choose to marry each other. Such a beautiful couple........." She gave a far- away look, and trudged up the stairs to one of the many guest rooms.

"I'm going to bed." He said without looking at me. I sucked in a deep breath. He was so happy only seconds ago, but now, when it was just the two of us, even the joy at having Lucius locked up wasn't enough to make him forget what I'd done to him.

"Don't you think we should discuss this-" I trailed off. I was amazed. They just told us we didn't have to get married; an idea that had taken me five years, and counting, to get used to. And, he hadn't said a word about it.

He slowly turned at the bottom of the stair- case.

"What's to discuss? You heard them, we don't have to get married. End of story. " Then he walked slowly up the stairs to bed.

19.

I awoke the next morning, wet with perspiration, my eyes stung, and my mouth was dry, and I realized, wide open having just let out a terrible scream. After just a few hours of terror- filled sleep, I was wide - awake, and scared.

In my dream, Lucius and dad had been quietly making their way up the stairs, they crept into their wives rooms, and slaughtered them. I heard the death curse boom inside my head. Then they came into our rooms, and forced Draco and I out of bed. I was crying, and shaking uncontrollably. My father had a hold of my arms, and he was giving me the look, except now his face and eyes were bright red, his hair a brilliant shade of glossy black. He was the devil, hissing at me.

"I'M YOUR FATHER! YOU WILL DO WHAT I SAY!"

Then everything went smoky, and I couldn't see them anymore. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes, and watched the smoke rise high above me. We were at the back of a small chapel, and Lucius, who was now an albino, with green hair, sticking straight out in all directions, and dad, a red, fiery dragon, were pushing Draco and I up the aisle. Their high- pitched laughter behind us as we struggled against them, finally forcing me to sit straight up in bed, and scream.

I sat on the edge of bed, my breath becoming slower, and steadying, willing myself to get up, and go eat something. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast the day before. I was still dazed and weak, and as I rubbed my puffy eyes, my mother came sweeping in the room. She was wearing the same long dressing - gown from the night before, her hair pulled up in a knot on top of her head, looking puffy eyed too, but still glowing all the same. She had a breakfast tray in her hands. A single red rose, coffee, and toast. My mother had obviously made this herself. The house elves would've made a breakfast with myriad breads, bacon, sausage, eggs, and fruit. Like they always did on my first day home from Hogwarts.

She sat down next to me and put the tray on the dresser. She swept a strand of chestnut colored hair out of her eyes, and said softly,

"I have to tell you something, Pansy. " She paused, and her eyes brightened a little. She didn't have to be scared anymore.

"I-I'm so sorry for the way I raised you." Never in my life had I thought those words would come out of her mouth. Tears were streaming down her face, but I was too shocked to say anything, or to move.

"Your father was a horrible husband. Cheated on my constantly, even brought one of his whores home when you were just a baby! Thank God you were too young to remember it." She said, wiping her face.

"We had a really bad row, and I threatened to leave, and take you with me. It was the only time he ever hit me. Square in the jaw, I bled like a stuck- pig for two hours before he finally stopped it bleeding. " She remembered, her voice sour with bitterness.

"He put me under the Imperius Curse for a while, until he realized that I couldn't take care of you while under it. He began following me around, threatening me, telling me how stupid, and ugly, and fat I was. That, if I left him, no one would take us in, and we'd be forced out on the street. He couldn't hex me into staying, so he terrorized me. He would criticize everything I did, until I just broke down, and decided to do it his way. For your sake, I bided my time. I knew that his affiliations with the Dark Lord would be his down- fall. I waited, and finally my patience has paid off-. " Her voice broke, and she turned and pulled me into her arms.

I felt my face getting wet, crying now myself. I had no idea any of this had happened. I found out last summer about the cheating, but I didn't realize how much he had controlled everything. I had thought, naïvely, that they had been co-conspirators in my torture. Her part came unwillingly, though, and I realized that in the same way I thought she was controlling me, he absolutely controlled her. She pulled back, and looked at me through tear- filled eyes, waiting for me to say something.

"I-It's O.K. mum, I know, I'm sorry I din't make things easier for you. I had no idea-"
She cut me off.

"I know you didn't. I made sure that you thought everything was O.K. I never wanted you to know about any of it, but now- now he's gone. Forever. " She smiled then, and I did too.

Everything was going to be O.K.

The next few weeks were some of the best in my life. For the first time, mum and I got along so well, it was like having a big sister. She wasn't angry about everything, or constantly yelling at me. She was happy. And, we laughed together more than we had in sixteen years. Narcissa and Draco kept to themselves that first day back, hiding out in the family room. I didn't know what they were talking about, but they seemed excited every time I glimpsed them that day. Almost like two children, finally running away from home, like they always planned. I thought that Draco and his mother must've suffered Lucius together, unlike me and mum. She tried to hide everything.

It dawned on me that our mother's weren't that old, in fact. Both had become pregnant soon after marrying at eighteen, and were now only thirty- four! They never had any fun. They found out about their own marriages much in the same way that Draco and I had. It loomed over the seven years at Hogwarts like a shadow, and then they went straight to these men, whom they hated. After the initial shock their new- found freedom created, they began to thoroughly enjoy themselves. Cabin fever would set in soon enough, but for the first few weeks, we were all children.

Three days after we got back, I was in the kitchen at dawn, trying desperately to break the charm on the cabinet that housed all of my favorite sweets. I couldn't believe that in mum's euphoric state, she still hadn't gone for the sweets that dad had forbidden either of us to have too many of. Oh, mum and Narcissa drank plenty of wine, I thought jealously, but I couldn't get a tart to save my life. Sweets had always been a weakness for me. I had tried every spell I could think of, and was getting frustrated when I heard a soft laugh behind me.

I spun around, scared, and saw that it was Draco. He hadn't said a word to me in the two days since we'd been here, and now he was standing in the doorway, smirking at me.

"What do you want?" I said defiantly, turning back to the cabinet. If he was still angry, fine. But this was my house, and he couldn't hurt me here. If we had to, we'd just stay out of each other's way. The knowledge that I didn't have to marry this boy, who obviously despised me, was like a huge burden had lifted off me. I made a mistake, he didn't want to forgive me, and now we could go our separate ways, like normal people, instead of being forced to produce a family together. Well, we could go our separate ways when the whole mess with our fathers' was cleared up, anyway. For now, we'd just have to endure it.

"You don't know how to break that charm?" He smirked, and walked toward me, grabbing my wand out of my hand. He simply flicked it, and handed it back to me.

"There you go, now you can get all of the sweets you want, and get big as a house for all I care. " He laughed again, and started to leave but I wasn't going to let him get away with this anymore.

"You can go to hell!" I spat at his back, watching as he quickly turned around to face me. His eyes danced, he didn't get challenged that often, and certainly not by me, poor -stuttering- Pansy.

"Go to hell?" He said sarcastically, "I thought I was already there!" He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand, like he'd just forgotten something important.

He puffed out his chest, standing just a foot away from me.

"I may be happy that my bastard father isn't around to beat me and my mother anymore, but I don't have to be happy that I'm stuck here with you! Mum said we can't even send owls! I won't get to talk to any of my friends for two months!" He was angry, and resentful. "Or practice quidditch!" He shouted.

"They're only doing this for your protection." I was angry, too. How ungrateful could he be?

"If you stay here, he won't be able to get to you, or your mother! Stop being a selfish brat!" I seethed, but didn't stop.

"Oh poor Draco!" I mocked, "Your father's gone! You've been hoping this would happen ever since you were a child, but that's not good enough, is it? You're mad because you won't get to have long, intelligent conversations with Crabb and Goyle!" I snorted at the thought of Crabb and Goyle even being able to spell the word conversation. Or intelligent.

"Shut your mouth, you cheating, lying-" He shrieked at me. But I cut him off.

"No, you shut your mouth! You started it! I was in here, minding my own business, and you thought you'd have some fun, just because you're bored without those two thugish friends of yours! Sod off Malfoy, and just stay away from me!"

I stormed out of the kitchen, the tarts all but forgotten.

20.

No one else was awake yet, so I left the house through the back door, and went out to the lake that sits behind our house. I was angry, as I plopped down at the edge of the cool water, and put my toes in. I skipped stones on the surface, and waited for the sun to come up. I always did this when I came home. It was the only place they didn't bother me. It was where I went to think, and right then I just wanted to be by myself.

How dare he? I thought, as I searched for another smooth stone. He thinks he can just come here, and treat me like that, in my own house? My mouth was twitching, and I felt my face grimace.

'He doesn't want to be here, he's just frustrated', another voice popped in my head; A soothing voice. 'Just leave him alone, he'll come around', the voice said reassuringly, 'after all, you still love him'. And, I knew the voice was right. That's why I'd been so angry with him, I did still love him, and I couldn't stand the thought of him hating me. Even though he could turn his feelings off like a faucet, I couldn't.

My mother wasn't the only one who had changed in my fathers' absence, though. The night he was taken away was the night that I felt my soul finally breathe to life. I had been like a bewitched puppet for so long now, occasionally finding the strength to fight against my master. But, now it seemed we were all free to do as we wanted. The restraints removed, I was able to love Draco for the simple pleasure of loving him. Not to make babies, and validate blood lines. It only made me want him more. But pride wouldn't let me go to him, and beg forgiveness that I so desperately wanted him to grant me. Especially now, after that nasty little chat. I stood up, and yawned, smiling back in the direction of the house. He could be such a child, I thought to myself, and laughed.

I should've told him about the quidditch field back here, I thought, as I turned toward the patch my father had built years before, when he thought I'd be born a son. It was a rather large field, but no one had ever used it. And, it was horribly over- grown. Nothing that couldn't be fixed with a flick of my wand, I thought sheepishly. The sun was rising now, and I closed my eyes as the light invaded the darkness that was surrounding me.

When I headed back into the house, I went to the kitchen, remembering the tarts. They were all in there now. Narcissa was sitting at the table, drinking deeply from her coffee mug. Mum was instructing the house elves on what was to be served that day for meals. Draco sat beside his mother at the table, engrossed in the Daily Prophet.

"Pansy! You're up! Good-" She turned back to the house elf- "We'll breakfast in here, something light, please!" She said cheerfully, and I could tell the house elf was still shocked by the new- found happiness my mother had acquired. Sara Parkinson had never uttered the word 'please' to a house elf in her life.

"Yes Mistress! Right away!" The elf scampered into one of the larger pantries and set to work. My mother grabbed her Witch Weekly from the pile, and sat down across from Narcissa. Only one seat remained, on the other side of Draco. Oh, what the hell, I thought, and lowered myself into the chair next to him.

"Hey, " I said, as I looked at the pile of mail, "I thought we couldn't send owls! What's all this?" I gestured toward the envelopes and magazines on the table.

My mother smiled, "I'm sorry dear, only Narcissa and I can send owls. And, only through Dumbledore. That's part of the charm. But, if you want to send something, just give it to me. You can't, however, send anything to any of your friends whose parents were, er, business associates of your father. Do you know what I mean?" She asked timidly.

Narcissa put her mug down, and laughed heartily. A laugh I'd never heard come out of the normally reserved woman.

"Oh, Sara! Don't sugarcoat it! Pansy, Draco, -"She turned to us, "Don't send anything to friends whose parents were death eaters. It's not safe. Understood?" Simplicity.

"No problem, " I said smoothly, as I reached for a tart, and the Witch Weekly my mother had dropped. I didn't care about speaking to Millie or Clara over the summer. I didn't send a lot of mail, anyway, so this didn't bother me.

"Fine, " Said Draco dejectedly. He scanned the paper for a few more seconds, grabbed a piece of toast, and walked quickly from the room.

"Draco, it's for your own good!" His mother called after him, but he didn't answer. She turned back to both of us, and offered a weak smile.

"I'm sorry for his behavior. He's not used to being locked up like this over the summer. Normally, he's outside all of the time. He'll get used to it." She shook her head, and grabbed the Daily Prophet. I finished my tart, and casually said,

"We could clean up the old quidditch field out there for him. No one's ever used it, and I bet he'd like to spend time out there, practicing!" My mother was beaming, and Narcissa nodded in agreement.

"He would! We'll go inspect it after breakfast! Pansy, what a wonderful idea!" Narcissa smiled at me.

"Er, yeah, no problem." I said awkwardly. Oh, well, maybe if he wore himself out on his broom all day, he'd be too tired to torment me.

After breakfast, the three of us walked to the edge of the lake, and crossed the narrow bridge that led to the quidditch field. The grass was over - grown, and the gold hoops were rusted with weather and age. Long vines grew everywhere, almost concealing the entrance. The bleachers were faded and falling down.

"This will be perfect!" Narcissa clapped her hands in amusement, and suddenly withdrew her wand from deep inside her robes. My mother did the same. Thirty seconds later, the field was brand new. The golden hoops shone in the morning sunlight. The grass was bright green, and perfectly manicured. The bleachers had been pained white, and stood strong and tall. It was smaller than the field at Hogwarts, but just as magnificent. I loved magic, I thought and laughed as my mother said to me,

"Thanks for helping! I thought this was your idea!" She laughed too. I hadn't done anything to help. Narcissa was walking away as she called over her shoulder,

"I'm going to get Draco, he's going to love it!"

Mum and I just stood there, taking in the new field. We'd never played quidditch before, but both of us appreciated the game. Narcissa was back ten minutes later, dragging Draco by the robes, smiling in our direction.

"Look! I told you! You'll have this whole place to your self! Unless, of course Pansy wants to play!" She winked at me, she knew I had no idea how to play quidditch!

Draco sucked in a breath as he took in the field.

"You've got bleachers!" He said running over to inspect them. He ran around the whole field, and I could tell how happy he was to have something fun to do. He came barreling toward us, and almost knocked his mother over as he hugged her.

"This is great! I can't believe you did this!" His whole face was light.

"Well, I helped clean it up, but I had no idea this place even existed, until Pansy mentioned that you might want to use it!" She said slyly, she was still hoping for us.

He looked at me then, and I was suddenly embarrassed at the way my hair must've looked. I hadn't brushed it in three days. But, he wasn't looking at me with disgust, as I expected him to, he smiled.

"Thanks, Pans." The nick- name for me he hadn't uttered in almost two weeks. His face blushed scarlet, and he looked down at his feet.

My face was growing hot too, "No problem. " I tried to sound casual.

"I'm going to go get my broom!" He said with so much excitement, I couldn't help but smile in return.

He stopped twenty feet away, and turned back to us.

"If you want me to show how you how to play, later, I could, Pansy." And, then he ran straight for the house, without even waiting for my response to his offer.

Narcissa looked, knowingly, at my mother, and they both broke out into laughter.

21.

"Alright Pansy, it's just us girls now, " My mother said as she poured three glasses of wine.

My mother, Narcissa, and I were lounging in the family room after dinner one evening a month later. Draco had spent the entire day, as usual, out on the field. After a few days of practicing by himself, he learned how to conjure some other players so he could play a real game. Now he only came in the house once a day after lunch to gulp down a sandwich, and then head straight back out to the field for more. I hardly saw him, but when I did, we tried to be friendly toward one another. It was my sixteenth birthday, and the women decided I could have some wine after dinner.

Mum handed me a glass and said, "What's going on between you and Draco?" My mother, ever the gossiping teenager these days, giggled. She and Narcissa had been asking me this question for weeks, but I really didn't know, and never gave them a straight answer, either way. And, that was the truth, I didn't know. We didn't really talk, but there wasn't any animosity anymore. It seemed that we were both waiting for something to happen.

"Now mother, "I said as I grabbed the glass of wine from her, and took a long drink. I loved wine, on the few occasions I was allowed to have it.

"I've told both of you-" I wagged an accusatory finger at both of them- "I have no idea what's going on. He spends all day out on the bloody field! And then he comes in too exhausted to speak, and heads straight for bed!"

"Well, you're sixteen now, surely you know how you feel about him?" Narcissa, the co-conspirator, winked at my mother, finished her glass of wine, and was now pouring a second.

I felt my face burning. "I don't know. Part of me thinks I love him. The other part wants to see how many-" I paused, trying to find the right muggle expression- "Fish are in the sea!" We all laughed. Narcissa looked slightly hurt, though, and I decided it was time to tell them the truth. I finished the wine in my glass, poured another, and delved into the details of the events that had transpired at school that year. Whenever I said Blaizes' name, I winced.

"You know, I did the same thing to Lucius in my sixth year! The only difference is, I hated Lucius, and it was just my way of making him suffer. "

"Subconsciously, I was trying to make Draco suffer, because I figured he was just going to cheat on me after we were married, anyway! So, I made - out with that little git! And, now Draco hates me. " I finished quietly. My head began to feel light, but I looked at them expectantly, desperate for advice. I'd been wanting to ask someone what I should do, but I just didn't have the courage.

Narcissa looked serious then, and said

"Pansy, I know what you were thinking, because I thought the same thing when I was your age. But, knowing Draco the way that I do " She smiled at the thought of her cherished only child,

" I know that he will never be like his father. He's seen too often the ways in which a cheating man can ruin the lives of his family. And he told me he would never do that to you. Even when Lucius was still directing our lives, Draco would only put up with the torment for so long before he would break down, and try to defend himself. Lucius beat him mercilessly on those occasions. It was all I could do to keep my sanity. For years, I planned ways to kill the man. But, now, the Dementors will have that great pleasure. " She said solemnly, and I took a large drink before saying anything.

"Do you think he still loves me? Even though I- I did what I did?" I asked her, and my eyes wouldn't focus, I was having double vision, and feeling warm.

"I think it will be difficult for him to forgive, he's very stubborn you know, but when love is there, it's hard to ignore, no matter how angry you are. " She said wisely, and I started to have visions of different scenes in which I was apologizing to Draco. I started giggling, what was going on? I couldn't keep a single thought in my head, and everything I thought about was funny. Then, I thought of Blaize, and was suddenly angry.

"I can't believe I was so stupid to let that idiot touch me! Uugghh!" I spat, and drunkenly continued, "He gave me absolutely no tingly sensation at all! Draco gives me a tingly sensation every time he touches me!" My words were slurred, what had I just been saying? I couldn't remember, because there was a great warmth spreading through me, and my head seemed so light, it swayed slightly. It was a lovely feeling. All warm, and tingly, just like Draco. I was getting tipsy. Good, I thought, I'd never been drunk before, and now, as I took another swallow of red wine, I wanted to keep drinking, and sustain that wonderful feeling.

I saw my mother and Narcissa exchange quick glances, and then turn away from each other, suppressing giggles.

"What? What are you laughing at?" I said, now lying flat on my back, staring up at the rotating ceiling. I felt like I was flying. My mother couldn't hold it in anymore,

"You! Silly girl! We're laughing at you!" She tilted my chin up, to look into my eyes, and as though it were the funniest thing in the world bellowed:

"YOU'RE SNOGGERED!" They both erupted in giggles, falling over each other as they sat cross- legged on the couch.

"Why, Sara! I can't believe you allow your barely sixteen year old daughter to get drunk in front of guests! " Narcissa said with mock concern, and continued to giggle, out of breath now.

"I'm a terrible parent, I admit it! Please, Narcissa- " She suddenly took on a look of great fear- "Please, don't tell my husband!" Then fell directly onto the floor, laughing even as she bumped her head on the table in front of her! They were pretty funny, all lop- sided, and tangled together, laughing, and I couldn't help but start chuckling myself.

"What's the matter with you three?" Draco was standing in the room, for how long I didn't know, but he'd obviously just come from the quidditch field. His hair was damp, and his face, arms and legs were pink from another day out in the hot sun. He held his broom in one hand and looked from mum and Narcissa, to me, questioningly. He suddenly started backing out of the room.

"What have I just walked in on? Not a bunch of girl- talk, eh?" Then he saw the bottle of wine on the table, and frowned. Narcissa and mothers' giggles were finally beginning to subside. Clutching their sides, they tried to stand up, only to fall backward onto the couch again, the giggles returning instantaneously.

"Draco!" Narcissa said in sing- song kind of voice.

I was looking at him now, and I had a feeling I'd never had before. I wanted something. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I wanted something from him.

"What's the matter with them?" He asked me. I tried to sit up too, but fell back, and started to giggle again.

"Oh, just a little too much wine. " I lifted my head up and looked at him. He was so handsome, and he'd grown into such a - a man! I was staring at him, and he looked back at me, still frowning.

"That's great! Just great! You three sit here, all day, getting drunk!" He slumped into the chair next to mine, and let out a deep breath, muttering something to himself. The ceiling was still spinning, but the feeling I was having was growing, and I licked my lips. We sat there in silence for twenty minutes, I was afraid to say anything, I didn't want to sound like a drunken idiot. Mum and Narcissa had been whispering back and forth, giggling incoherently, and finally, Narcissa let out a great snore. They had both passed out. Mums' head on Narcissa's shoulder, the bottle of wine still perched in her hand. They looked quite peaceful.

I jumped at the sound of Narcissas' snore, and Draco laughed softly.

"Alright, I guess I have to be the parent here, " and he raised his wand, and said,

"Locomotorcorpus!"

Mum and Narcissa levitated in the air, and Draco directed them both up to their rooms with his wand. When they were safely tucked away in bed, Draco asked me,

"So, how much have you had to drink?" He pointed at my wine glass, now empty again. I rolled my head over to look, and contemplated. Had it been four? Or five? I didn't know. I didn't care either. It was my birthday, and he hadn't even said 'happy birthday' to me all day! And, I was sixteen, after all, practically a grownup!

"It is my birthday, you know!" I said, gripping the sides of the chairs, in an attempt to sit up. After the second try, I shut my eyes to block out the spinning images in front of me, and braved the sudden lurch in my stomach as I tried to arrange myself in the chair.

"You're not of age! You're only sixteen, we can't drink until next year!" He was acting like a parent, and it pissed me off.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dad, did I forget to ask your permission?" I asked sarcastically, and reached for the bottle, not even bothering with the glass, and took a swig. I arched an eyebrow at him, amazed at the confidence the wine was giving me.

He just stared at me for a few seconds, and then burst out laughing.

"You're right! I'm sorry, you're right. I don't know what that was about, I'm just not used to seeing my mother drunk, and I took it out on you. Sorry, " He repeated, he was trying to stop himself from laughing at my outburst, and had wiped his eyes, when I smiled at him, and thrust a full bottle of wine into his hand.

"Happy birthday, Pansy." He took a long drink, and handed it back to me, still smiling. I'd had enough, just then, and gave it back to him.

"I've already had a few glasses, you've got some catching up to do!" I said in a voice I didn't know. I was happy, and my voice wasn't timid, but booming, and slightly husky. I didn't want to be sloshed when he was sober. I resolved not to drink anymore until he'd had as much as I had. Then, I wouldn't care if I acted like a fool. I wanted everything to be as it had been before. But, above all, I wanted him to be kind to me. And, treat me like a friend.

That's all we have left, I thought sadly.

"You never answered, how much have you had?" His lips curled, and he shoved his still damp hair out of his eyes. A gesture I had always secretly adored, and I felt the warm feeling spread down my thighs. I shivered, slightly.

I propped my head up on one elbow, and gazed at him.

"Oh, four or five glasses. " I said seductively, and then started giggling again.

"You're drunk." He said flatly, but winked, and took another long swig off the bottle. He stood up, and walked over to the mantle, and looked with interest at the family photos that hung there. He was still holding the bottle. He smiled to himself, and pointed to one of me after my first year at Hogwarts. My face rounder, and unformed. My bright blue eyes too large for my face. I was wearing my Slytherin robes, and smiling as I stood daintily at the bottom of the staircase. Behind that smile, though, was a very unhappy little girl.

"I can't believe how much different you look now!" He said, and quickly sipped at the bottle.

"I know! I look at myself in the mirror, and can't believe how different I look, and that was just four years ago. " I drew my legs up under me, and sat like an excited child at a birthday party. The euphoric feeling was back, as I shifted my weight, and the warm feeling was steadily getting hotter.

"You look a lot different, too. I'm glad your hair is shorter, I was so afraid you were going to keep slicking it back like a blond helmet!" I said jokingly. His eyes were dancing as he stood next to the fireplace, one arm slung casually up on the mantle, the other fixed on the now empty bottle of wine. He'd just consumed at least six glasses in just 5 minutes.

"Oh, you think so, huh?" He said, flirting too, and his face flushed, the evidence of alcohol and hormones.

"Well, at least I d-d-d-on't st-st-stutter. " He said, and laughed, when I started giggling. Being able to joke about our flaws was a big step for us, and I found myself relaxing into the warm feeling. He plopped down across from me. His eyes were flashing as he leaned forward to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes. He brushed his hand against my cheek as he withdrew it and my heart fluttered, as his eyes searched mine.

Something was going to happen. Something I had been hoping would happen for the past month. Everything had suddenly become clear that evening, and I didn't think I could help myself in fighting the feeling any longer.

22.

He grabbed both of my hands and pulled me closer to him until our knees were touching. His lips barely moving,

"Did you mean what you said that day- when we fought?" He asked quietly. He was touching me, and the affects of the wine now coupled with the tingling I always felt when he touched me were making my head swim. I couldn't think.

"Did I mean what?" I rubbed my thumb on his fingers, and admired his handsome face.

"Did you mean it, when you said you loved me?" He asked, offended that I didn't know what he was talking about.

I pulled my hands out of his, and leaned back so I could look him in the eyes. I had been waiting to have this conversation for two months, and I wanted to do it right. I wish I wasn't so drunk, I thought as I took a deep breath.

"I meant every word I said. I do love you. Even more, now that I don't have to. I have no excuses for what I did, I only pray that you will forgive me. " I said with as much sincerity as I possessed. I dropped my head slightly, and held my breath. My heart was pounding so loudly I was sure he could hear it.

"I knew you did. I just wanted to hear you say it. " He said grabbing my hands again, and pulling me closer. His lips were inches from mine. We'd never had a moment like this and the tension was driving me crazy with anticipation.

"I love you too, you know, " And then he kissed me. He moved toward me so slowly it was like being in slow motion, watching my own dream. When his lips touched mine, so soft, so strong, I went weak. My whole body was on fire, and a spot hidden deep between my legs throbbed urgently. I collapsed on top of him, my breath rapid, as he fell onto his back. I shifted my weight on top of him, and found his lips, forcing them to mine. I trembled as his hand went under my dressing-gown, and massaged my back. His tongue darted in my mouth, and the throbbing between my legs was making me shake with pleasure. I felt him harden underneath me, and I pressed myself deeper into him as he moaned. I put my hand on his chest, and slid it down his stomach, until it was resting on the button of his pants. I felt my lips swell with each urgent, frustrated kiss, and I fumbled with the button, desperate for release. Suddenly, he stopped kissing me, and reached for my hand.

"No, Pansy. Not like this. " He put his hands on my waist and lifted me off of him. I sat back in the chair, and held my head in my hands. I hadn't had anything to drink in an hour, and I felt the affects wearing off. The warm feeling suddenly was chilling me to the bone.

What had I been doing? I really am a whore, I thought as I shook my head back and forth with embarrassment.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I was surprised I wasn't stuttering. I swore to myself.

"No, no. You have nothing to be sorry for. " He was sitting across from me, and he reached for my hand again. His slate eyes were still dancing.

"I've dreamed about this moment for a long time. I don't want to remember it happening like this. " He nodded toward the wine bottles. Then he smiled crookedly,

"I want it to be exactly as I dreamed. Well, actually, there have been several different versions-" He blushed slightly

"-but, one thing has always been the same."

"You've had fantasies about us doing - THAT?" I whispered, my lips curling with excitement at the thought.

"Sure, I mean, we were supposed to be getting married, I knew we'd do it someday. " He whispered his voice low, and flirty.

"And, I suppose the one thing that was always the same was that we were married?" I said leaning forward, my chin in my hands.

"No, the one thing that was always the same was that we weren't in shouting distance of our mothers." He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. I laughed then. Of course, I had completely forgotten about them.

"And, we were never drunk, and sloppy. Which, I'm afraid I am both. " He hiccupped, and we both laughed.

"I know what you mean. " I said lightly. My head was aching, and I really wanted to lie down. I stood up, swayed, and grabbed his shoulder for support. He held me up, as he stood himself. He swept me into his arms, and carried me up the stairs. I rested my head on his shoulder, and felt sick, but happy. Draco was carrying me up the stairs. Draco loved me. Draco had envisioned us sharing the greatest act of love, and had been bold enough to tell me about it.

I hope this isn't a dream, I thought and felt my eyelids growing heavy. He gently put me in bed, and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Good night. " He turned to leave, but I reached for his arm,

"Stay. " I was drifting toward sleep, but I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to be near me.

"We'll get into trouble-"

I reached toward my nightstand and fumbled around for my wand. When I found it I held it up and whispered,

"Alarm, Seven a.m." And dropped it back onto the nightstand. "They won't be up before seven, you can sneak back to your room and they won't know. " I grasped his shirt, and pulled him down onto the bed, to lie next to me. I felt him struggling to remove his pants, and shirt. I took off my dressing -gown and inched closer to him in only a tank- top and panties. He rolled onto his side, to face me, and I opened my eyes.

"Hold me. " I whispered, and felt his arms go around me. I pressed my body against his, and felt his heart beating next to mine.

"I really love you Pansy. There could never be anyone else for me. " He kissed me again, and held me closer.

"I love you too. " I rolled onto my back, and put my hands behind my head. He stayed on his side, propped up on one elbow.

"It's strange. It feels almost like- destiny. " I laughed weakly,

"I never thought about it before. But, now it seems like I knew even before my parents told me, that you would always be a part of my life." I turned over again to face him.

"I know, " He admitted, "Whenever you touch me I get, like a-a-"

"A tingling sensation," I finished for him.

"Exactly. It just feels- right. " He whispered excitedly.

"I feel it too. It's like a shock!" He kissed me again, and I began to feel the warmth return, only making my exhaustion more apparent. We lay there, for what seemed like hours. I closed my eyes and whispered,

"Face it Draco. We're supposed to be together. Our marriage was arranged long before our parents came along." And, I believed it then, as he held me. I felt blissfully, perfectly happy. He sighed, and I felt him drift off to sleep, muttering something about stars.

23.

He began sneaking into my room nearly every night after that. Sometimes, we would kiss, and fool around. Other times, we would just lie there, and talk all night, until the sun peaked through my curtains first thing in the morning, forcing him to return to his own room down the hall. I didn't press the sex issue, and we had silently resolved not to do anything in such close proximity to our mothers. We'd just have to wait until we got back to school. Our mothers' knew something was up when they caught me sun- bathing out on the quidditch field while he flew high above me, a dozen apparitions all over the place. They both snorted with disbelief when I stuttered something about it being the best spot for sun.

"Oh really? I would've thought that lying by the lake, as you've done for the past sixteen years, would be the best spot for sun!" My mother looked at me knowingly, and Narcissa just laughed. She was becoming a good friend to me.

"Just leave the girl alone, Sara, when she wants to tell us about it, she will. " And, as a side- note to me said,

"And, if possible, please let it be soon, we're starving for information! About anything!"

I knew exactly what she was talking about. Not being able to go anywhere, or do anything, was taking its' toll, on all of us. Draco still practiced quidditch every day, so I had a lot of time on my own, unless I wanted to hang out with Mum and Narcissa. Which I did occasionally, but spending all day, every day, with your mum and one of her friends, will make even the most patient girl in the world want to start throwing things. I desperately wanted to go to Diagon Alley to buy new robes, and quills, and such. But, all of our purchases were to be made by the house- elves. I had subscribed to every magazine I could, including muggle prints, much to mums' displeasure, and I still found myself bored every day.

The first month had brought us together, to celebrate. The second month tested everybody's patience, at least once a day. Mum had snapped at me for eating the last of her favorite cereal. Narcissa snapped at mum for taking the Witch Weekly, and losing it. I snapped at Draco one evening when he thought it would be funny to place that blasted charm on the sweets cabinet, as I had begun to call it. I didn't think it was funny. I just wanted a bloody cookie.

"It's just a joke! Jeesh, get a grip Pansy!" He said as I sighed with impatience, and dug in my robes for my wand, trying to remember that counter curse he had demonstrated so long ago. I tried four different spells, and heard him behind me, sniggering at my failure. I spun around, my wand now directed at him.

"Just do the damn counter curse! Mum bought Fudge Krollys! And, I want one! Now!" I shrieked, and I could tell he thought I was overreacting.

"Oh, alright! You don't have to get so angry!" He flicked his wand and I nearly ran into the cupboard head first, forgetting to open the door as I charged it. He fell on the ground, laughing at the sight of me, a wild animal, charging down her food. I fell onto the floor also, laughing at how funny this must've looked. I had a brilliant idea. I sat up, reached in for the fudge covered cookies, and took one from the package. I turned around and smashed it directly onto Draco's forehead. Then I laughed like a crazy person at the sight of his hair and face all covered in brown fudgy, goo.

"Now, that's funny!" I said, and continued laughing. He joined in after a second, and wiped his eyes.

"You think so? Well, wait until you see how funny this is!"

Then he took the excess fudge that was in his hand, and promptly smeared it across my face! We were rolling on the floor when Narcissa came into the kitchen, and stopped dead in her tracks. She took in the scene, and let out a great howl at the sight both of us, covered in fudge, giggling, like children who had just been caught having a food fight.

Things were tough, only having the other three to talk to, but we still tried to make the best of things. Very soon, Draco and I would leave for school, and Narcissa and mum would have only each other.

~
Draco was sitting on my bed as I packed the last of my things into my trunk. I sighed as I shut the heavy lid, and plopped down next to him.

"Can you believe we're leaving in, like, ten minutes?" I twirled a strand of hair, and checked to make sure my wand was in my robes.

"It's weird, but to tell you the truth, I can't wait to get the hell out of here!" He laughed, and I did too. Things had been feeling very claustrophobic lately.

"What do you think they'll do without us here?" Mum and I, and Narcissa and Draco were a family, now.

"Let's just hope the house- elves keep buying wine!"

"They'll probably end up killing each other- Oy!" I called for the house- elves to come get our trunks, and glanced around the room once more to make sure I had everything.

"When do you think they'll get to leave the house?"

"Mum says they're trying to work something out with Polyjuice Potion. Then, they can leave whenever they want. They could leave, now, you know, because of the Fidelius Charm. But, I think they're too scared." After The Prophet reported the death eater's escape, three weeks earlier mum and Narcissa went a little crazy. Their whereabouts were unknown, and we were all tense because of it. He got up from the bed, and looked down the hall.

"I know. Mum was so jumpy those first few days. Kept poking her head out the window every two minutes!"

"They're both better now, but I shutter to think of how they're going to get along without us here." I said sadly.

"Well, hopefully, they will be able to use Polyjuice Potion. Being locked up in one place, with only one other person to speak to, would make anyone go nutty. " We were following the house- elves down the stairs to the Muggle Taxi mum had called for us.

Obviously, the women couldn't take us to the station. I was beginning to feel nervous. We would be leaving the house for the first time in two months. The four of us stood there, smiling awkwardly, while the muggle loaded our trunks into his ill-equipped car. Mum grabbed me and pulled me to her. My arms automatically went around her neck, and I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Be careful, the minute you get in that car, place an Inturberance Charm on it!" She was crying too.

"And, walk straight to Platform 9 ¾! Don't dawdle!" Narcissa said as she reluctantly let go of Draco.

"Don't worry, mum, we'll be fine! Just, take care of yourself! Send me an owl everyday!" I grasped her hands once more, hugged Narcissa, and pulled Draco into the waiting Taxi. I knew we had to leave, we only had thirty minutes to make the train. They stood in the circular drive waving, and weeping until the car was out of sight.

The taxi driver was eyeing us suspiciously as Draco ducked his head and began whispering,

"You know what's really going to be tough? Sleeping by myself!" He winked at me and I felt myself blushing.

"Yeah, too bad the stairs collapse when boys try to walk up to our dormitory! Hey-" I just had a thought- "How did you get in to the dorm that - that day before the O.W.L.S?" I didn't say why he'd gone up to the dorm, it was still a very sensitive issue.

"I levitated myself up to your window. " He replied smoothly, turning his head forward. I could tell he didn't like having to think about that day.

"We'll be O.K., right?" I asked, changing the subject. He put an arm around me, and smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine." And, then he kissed me. "I didn't think of it until just now, but I suppose I could levitate myself up to your window every night...." His lips curled, and I got excited at the thought of sleeping next him every night at school.

"We couldn't with stupid Millie and Clara right there!" I said disappointedly.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but if the temptation gets to be too much, we could always put them in the hospital wing, for a couple of weeks!" His eyes lit up, and I laughed so hard, the driver jumped, and the car jolted forward. We were thrown to the back of our seats.

"Easy, muggle. " Draco muttered, straightening himself. The driver started to say something, but Draco gave him a menacingly look, and for a sixteen year old, he did it very well. The driver's mouth clapped shut, and his eyes shot to the front. He was silent as he unloaded our trunks, and barely let us step away from the curb before he shot out of there. My eyes were looking in all directions as we heaved our trunks onto the trolleys, and headed for Platform 9 ¾. We didn't even hestate as we stepped through the barrier, and breathed sighs of relief upon entry to the other side. We'd made it. We were safe.

"Oy- watch where you're going!"

I was so relieved to have made it across, that I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going. I got a mouthful of messy black hair, and knocked into the owner a split second later, both of us falling to the ground. I pulled myself off of him, and stood up. Draco was by my side, and glaring at the three faces that now stood before us. Potter picked himself up, and squared his shoulders to stand directly in front of Draco. They were the same height.

"Tell your clumsy girlfriend to pay attention when she's walking through barriers, Malfoy!" Weasley yelled at Draco. Draco started to yell right back at Weasley, when I put my hand up to silence him.

This was our sixth year at Hogwarts. The first five years, our fathers' told us who to be friends with, who our enemies were, and it had inevitably been Potter who filled that latter station. His little friends, Granger and Weasley, were just part of the package. But, now it was our sixth year, and Lucius Malfoy and Theodore Parkinson weren't around to call the shots anymore. Our mothers' had changed, for the better. So could we. It was a brand new year. And, really, whether Potter knew it or not, we were on the same side now.

"Sorry, Po- er-Harry-, for running in to you. " I smiled, this was awkward. I'd only ever insulted Harry Potter before. They all looked stunned, and even I was a little surprised at myself.

"Pansy, - what?" Draco mumbled, completely bewildered. I arched an eyebrow, and grabbed Draco's arm,

"Well, see you Hermione, and Ron- in the prefects' compartment, that is! Bye, Harry. " I smiled crookedly again, and pulled a very stunned Draco Malfoy to the train. As we stepped onto the train, I heard Granger say,

"What was that all about?"

Draco said about the same thing once we entered the deserted prefects' compartment.

"Look, we only hated them because our fathers' said we had to! I don't want to keep doing anything that they think is right! Nothing! I want to forget they even exist!" I was exasperated.

"I'm finished believing everything dad said about Voldemort being great, or any of this pure- blood business.... " We'd discussed this before, and I knew it was going to take a little while for Draco to get used to the idea. He was so stubborn.

"We agree on the issue to question our fathers' beliefs', " He checked to make sure the door was completely shut.

"But, if you think I'm going to start kissing Potters' ass.........you're out of your mind!"

"Why should you kiss his ass? I'm just saying, maybe if we try to get to know them.... Think about it, Potter and his little friends are the reason why our mothers' are so very happy right now! Potter sent the bastards to prison! Come to think of it, maybe we should kiss his ass!" I wrapped my arm around his waist, and giggled.

"That's true...... You know what's funny? I'd bet Potter thinks we hate him more, for doing that! Think we should thank him for doing us the favor?" At least he was joking now. It meant he was warming to the idea. Draco had always been jealous of Potter, and I knew it would be a cold day in Hades before the two were best friends; but maybe there was room for a healthy rivalry, instead of the all- out contempt they usually displayed for one another. The compartment door slid open and Granger and Weasley entered, looking at us cautiously.

They sat down across from us, and the tension was so thick I thought I could cut it with a knife. Hermione pulled a book out of her bag, and began to read. Ron looked out the window. I was filled with compulsion to see what these two were really like. I knew Granger was a mud- blood and a brain, and Weasley was poor. Other than that, they were mysteries to me. These people whom I'd hated, for no reason at all, except my fathers' meddling.

"What class is that for?" I gestured down at Hermiones' book, and she looked taken aback that I had spoken to her. Then, she slammed the book shut, and eyed me suspiciously.

"Alright, Parkinson, what do you want?"

"Just trying to make conversation!" I replied casually. This was going to be difficult.

24.

"I trust everything went smoothly this summer?" He asked politely. He already knew the answer, of course, but the old man never wanted his students to think he was prying.

"Yeah, it got a little cramped toward the end, there, but we're alright, so I guess that's all that matters. " Draco answered. We were in the Head Masters' office after the feast that night.

"When you need to send anything home, I will ask that you bring it directly to me. " Professor Dumbledore's eyes narrowed slightly behind his half- moon specs.

"You'll trust that I won't be snooping through your correspondence. "

I grinned at the idea of him feverishly rummaging through our parcels the way Umbridge had done the previous year. I'd always thought him to be a senile old fool, per the prompting of my idiot father. But now, as I sat there looking into his tired blue eyes, and craggy face surrounded by waist- length silver hair, I was filled with the comfort that only a wizard of Albus Dumbledores' stature could instill. He embodied the spirit of true greatness and for the first time in six years, I appreciated his presence at Hogwarts.

"We'll be safe here, won't we?" I knew he was the only wizard Voldemort had ever feared, but I wanted him to say it. He stood up, always an impressive sight, and surveyed Draco and me like one- time enemies, now fighting on the right side.

"You are safer here, than anywhere else on earth. There are more spells, and enchantments protecting Hogwarts than you could possibly imagine. " Totally convincing. I realized that I was holding my breath, and exhaled loudly.

"Do not worry, Miss Parkinson. Check in with your mother once in a while, and remember to study hard. We'll make it through this, together. If either of you need anything, do not hesitate to ask."

"I know you say we're protected, and I do believe you. But, just out of curiosity, can you think of any foreseeable reason why our fathers' would want to come here?" Draco had been quiet since we were brought up to the office, and now I understood why.

"I must confess, I have no idea why your fathers' would try to come here. Having taught both of them myself, they are more than aware what I am- capable of, so to speak. " His eyes twinkled, no trace of malice, he was simply stating a fact. He leaned toward us slightly, as if we weren't the only ones in the room, and said conspiratorially,

"But, rest assured. There is someone at this school, who is very adept, you might say, at tracking the movements, and thoughts of Lord Voldemort, and his followers. " He looked solemn, and confident.

"Who?" Draco's eyes widened with curiosity.

"You only need know that this person will be able to alert me of an upcoming attack, well in advance. " He smiled again, and I was suddenly tired. After he dismissed us, we walked slowly down to the dungeons. I could see that Draco was still trying to figure out whom Dumbledore had been talking about.

"Who do you think it is?" He asked as we entered the noisy common room, and made our way over to a vacant couch by the fire.

"I have no idea. But, we'd better be careful what we say around here." I whispered as we sat down next to each other. I glanced nervously around the room,

"Damn!" We'd been spotted my Millie, Clara, Crabb and Goyle, who were now making their way toward us.

"Hi Pansy!" Millie bellowed. Had her voice gotten deeper? She sounded like a baritone! I caught sight of Clara, and stifled a giggle. She had managed to grow even more hair above her prominent upper lip. God, I hated these people.

"Hi. " I said flatly, and turned back to Draco. Crabb and Goyle beat me to the punch, though, and squeezed between us on the couch. Definitely not big enough for all four of us (Barely big enough for Crabb and Goyle by themselves. They'd gained at least fifty pounds in two months!), I slid off the end of the couch, and glared at the beasts.

"Have you talked to your dad?" Crabb slobbered at Draco. Just like a big dog.

"Don't talk about that here, you idiot!" Draco barked at him. Crabb looked hurt, but clapped his mouth shut. He was used to this treatment. I sat down, huffily, at a nearby table, Millie and Clara in tow.

"What's his problem?" Clara asked me, bewildered at how abrupt Draco had been with Crabb.

I flipped my hair, and rolled my eyes at her.

"Do you really think it wise to talk about family business, here? Around all of these people? Crabb and Goyle should just speak when they're spoken to and shut up the rest of the time. " I hissed in their direction.

"Oh, well- I guess I never thought of that. " Clara said, looking at her feet. And, then her face lit up.

"Did you see Potter and his little fan club at the feast? He was trying to act all humble when those first years' asked for his autograph! "

"Yeah, like the 'boy who lived' could be humble about anything!"

They both turned, expectantly, for me to join in on the Potter- bashing. I waved my hand at them impatiently. After having a whole summer to get used to the idea that I was, finally, in charge of my own life, the last thing I wanted to do was revert back into old habits. Especially, for some reason I wasn't quite sure of yet, that habit.

"Talk about something else. " I caught Draco's eye, and we both smiled sheepishly.

I talked to dad tw-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH! DIDN'T YOU JUST HEAR WHAT I SAID THIRTY SECONDS AGO?" I had grabbed a lock of Clara's hair, and was viciously pulling her toward me as I screamed in frustration. The whole room went quiet, and everyone was staring, open mouthed, at the scene. Clara was blubbering, and trying to remove the section of her hair that I was holding tightly in my closed fist. I let go, and turned to them all.

"What are you all looking at? Mind your own business!" I spat, but they continued to stare, and Draco got up from his seat.

"Didn't you hear what she just said?" He said it quietly, too spent to yell, but his point was taken. Everyone in our house, including the seventh years', were scared of Draco Malfoy, and they turned away suddenly, the noise resuming its prior level.

"I'm going to bed. " I couldn't stand there when everyone was stealing glances at me. I hated being stared at. I put up my hand out like a stop sign when Millie and Clara stood to follow me.

"Unless you plan on going directly to bed, and not babbling all night long, don't follow me. " I patted Draco on the arm awkwardly, and gave him an "I'm sorry to be leaving you here, with them" look. He rolled his eyes, and kissed me quickly on the cheek.

I was still seething at Clara's stupidity when I pulled my dressing gown over my head, and jumped into bed. I mean, Jesus, our fathers' were escaped prisoners! What kind of idiot just starts talking about it in public!

Draco and I really needed some new friends.

25.

By nature, I am not a very warm person. Emotionally, I mean. I wasn't trying to make a conscious change and I wasn't on a mission to be some bleeding heart do- gooder. I was just trying to figure out who I really was. In the course of two months time, my entire out- look on life had changed. It went from 'planned like a garden party', to 'anything goes'! I found I was ashamed of how badly I had treated people here, based solely on my fathers' beliefs'. I was ashamed of the friendships I had made for the same reason. I noticed that most people from other houses scowled at me in the halls, and the Slytherins were only nice because they were all too scared of Draco to ever insult me. Having a conscience had made me very aware of how hated I really was. The best time in my life had suddenly turned dreadful.

I was afraid that one of the biggest mistakes I had made, had been to torment Hermione Granger. I was second, only behind her, in all of our classes, and this year we would have almost all of our N.E.W.T.S together. I knew from class that she was brilliant, and the wild rumors of how she had helped famous Harry Potter thwart Voldemort on more than one occasion, had always secretly intrigued me. Millie and Clara were good only for baseless gossip, and a little teasing when I was in the right temperament. I found myself really missing mum and Narcissa. Sure, they were older, but they were great for long talks. And, I really found myself longing for a friend.

It was Halloween, and everybody was feeling restless in our last class that day. Potions wasn't nearly as fun as I remembered it to be from previous years. I didn't care if Snape was head of my house, he was a greasy, miserable person. And the fact that he was so clearly biased against the Gryffindors, was starting to irritate me. In my opinion, Snape was just another symbol of the life I had been forced to live before dad went away. Any respect I had left for the man dissipated when he started to harass Neville Longbottom for the tenth time that day.

"Really, Neville! Do you suppose you should even continue taking my class? It seems, after six years, you are still at a first year level! Just give up, boy!"

Snape sneered at the quivering Neville, and waved his wand, the blue liquid in the cauldron disappearing. Crabb and Goyle laughed openly at this, and I spun around in my seat to face them. In a strong, clear voice I did something I'd never done before.

"I wouldn't laugh. Yours are the same color!" I pointed at their cauldrons and grinned widely when their faces dropped. They looked at each other, both questioning why I was sticking up for Neville Longbottom.

"Is that so, Crabb, Goyle?" Snape swept over to their cauldrons and tut-tutted when he saw the royal blue liquid swirling around inside. When he wrote a zero next to their names, I smiled again, and he caught my eye.

"And, tell me, Miss Parkinson, why are we so eager to assist our house mates failing today?" His lips turned up in a menacing smile, and I knew he was angry because I was making Slytherin look bad. Regardless, I couldn't help but take the bait. I really didn't care what he thought anymore.

"My eagerness has nothing to do with their failing. I'd say it's a result of the fact that you waste half the class, pestering everyone who sits on that side of the room." I pointed my wand at the Gryffindors, and a loud gasp shot up through the students. I felt Draco pinch me hard on the leg, in an effort to shut me up. Snape's jaw was on the floor. I locked eyes with him, and arched an eyebrow.

"Detention!" He was still shocked that I had challenged him, but it was time to leave and he couldn't say anything more as everyone began filing past us. Draco, Crabb and Goyle left the room without talking to me, and I had just packed my bag when I heard someone squeak in front of me. I looked up, and found a very red- faced Neville Longbottom standing awkwardly in front of me. He was fidgeting, and he kept glancing at the door, like any moment he just might bolt away.

"Um-er-er- thanks, I mean, for getting him to leave me alone. " he whispered, and then jumped back, afraid of what kind of reaction he was about to receive. He really was sweet, I thought, and grabbed my bag, leading Neville out of the room.

"No problem. It's just really unfair, isn't it? The way he's constantly badgering you about everything! I mean, no wonder you have trouble, with him scowling over your shoulder the whole time!" He looked at me skeptically, and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was being sincere or not. Suddenly, I just had to tell someone how I was feeling about everything. I pulled him into a deserted room, and locked the door behind us. He began to tremble.

"Oh, no! What are you going to do now?" He was edging toward the door, and I was very sad that this boy was so sure I'd just tricked him.

"Listen!" I said, grabbing his arms.

"I'm not trying to pull anything. I doubt you'll believe me, but the truth is, what you and your friends did that night when you went to the ministry, when my father went to prison, was the best thing that's ever happened to me! I don't know if you had the misfortune of meeting him that night, but he's a despicable, horrible man. And my mother and I are far better off without him in our lives. " I took a deep breath, I had just confessed to a virtual stranger that I hated my own father. He was still skeptical, but he softened a bit.

"Really? I mean, you're really glad he went to prison?"

"I was glad he went to prison, yes, now he's escaped, and who knows where he is. But, I mean it, whatever you did, to get him caught, saved me. I've been a slave to his wishes my whole life." I said miserably. I sat down on a chair, and looked up at him through tear- filled eyes.

"I'm sorry for all of the things I used to do to you. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I wanted someone to know the truth. I can't say anything about this in front of my- my friends. " I began to cry, and he kind of patted my shoulder.

"It's O.K., you'll have to forgive me, here, I just never, in a million years, thought that you would ever apologize to someone like- well like me. "

I wiped my eyes, and stood up. I couldn't believe I cried in front of Neville Longbottom. It did feel good to get that off my chest, though, and I was grateful that he was so nice about it.

"Thanks, for listening to me. Come on, we'd better get going, or someone will think I've hexed you. " I wasn't really joking, but he laughed anyway. We walked back out to the hall together, and parted ways almost immediately, bumping into each other as we went in opposite directions. Him, to the Gryffindor common room, where he would most likely relate what had just happened to anyone who would listen. Me, to the Slytherin common room, to collect my thoughts and get ready for the Halloween dance that was to be held later that evening.

~

I entered the dormitory, and was surprised to see that Millie and Clara weren't already there, getting dressed themselves. They usually started before me, casting all sorts of spells in an attempt to improve their looks. Fat lot of good it did them. I took a hot bath, and spent two hours arranging my golden hair in a thousand curls softly falling all around my face. Blue robes this time, to match my eyes. Antique diamond and sapphire necklace and earrings of my grandmothers' completed the picture. Not bad, I thought as I studied my reflection in the full- length mirror I had brought from home in my fourth year. I thought about how Draco and I would look together that night. We so seldom got dressed up, and I was always so attracted to him on these occasions that I couldn't help but smile in anticipation of dancing with him later that evening.

~
I noticed that I was getting strange looks from all the Gryffindors as Draco and I danced around the Great Hall. Not the usual contempt, more like curiosity now. Forget about them! I urged myself as I pulled Draco closer to me, and drank in his scent. We hadn't had any time alone since we got back to school, and I was feeling the familiar warmth spread down my thighs. I realized that I still hadn't seen Millie and Clara. They hadn't come up the dorm to get ready, they weren't in the common room, and they didn't appear to be here anywhere, either.

"Hey, have you seen Millie and Clara?" I whispered in Draco's ear.

"Hhmmm. Come to think of it, no, I haven't seen them anywhere. I hope nothings wrong. " His eyes were dancing with mischief, something was going on.

"Is something wrong with them? What have you done?" I put my hand on his back, the anticipation growing.

"What would you say if I told you that poor Millie and Clara had a horrible accident with a bat- bogey hex, and will be in the hospital wing all night?" He was fighting to smile, and the excitement I felt when he said that became too much. I grabbed his hand, and dragged him out of the Great Hall. Out in the entrance, I kissed him passionately, and pulled away from him gasping for breath.

"Don't you think you should be levitating somewhere right now?"

He grabbed me by the back of my head, and pulled me in for another urgent kiss. And, with that he walked out of the building. I ran full speed toward the dormitory.

26.

I let out a sigh of relief when I reached my dormitory and saw that he wasn't there yet. I ran to the mirror and started pulling out the ribbons that held my curls back, and shook my hair out, letting it fall in golden waves down my back. I took off the necklace and earrings, and my dress robes. I stood there in only bra and panties, staring at my reflection. At some point, I'd grown into a woman, and not realized it. My breasts were large and firm, my waist small, and my hips had grown curvy. I'd grown in height too, and stood 5'8' tall. My legs were long and trim leading down to delicate ankles. I knew I wasn't the most beautiful girl in school, but I was happy with the way I looked. I heard a great intake of breath, and spun around, fumbling to cover myself up.

"Draco! You scared me!" I let the sheet I'd covered myself with fall to the floor, and his eyes roamed over my body with a look of approval as he crawled through the window.

"My God, I can't believe how perfect you are!" He walked toward me purposefully, and pulled me in his arms. His lips lightly brushed my hair, and face, finally finding my lips. I sighed as my arms went around his neck, and he pressed his body into mine. My knees were going weak, and my whole body seemed to be tingling as his hands worked up and down my sides, lingering on my lower back, and then reaching down further. I knew what was going to happen. I wanted it to happen. I wanted it to happen with him, right then. He broke away from me, and began peeling off his own robes, revealing a finely muscled chest, and arms. My eyes grew cloudy and I licked my lips. I stepped toward him again, to lure him into another passionate kiss, when he turned away from me, and walked all the way around my bed, stopping directly across from me. We looked at each other, the huge four- poster bed between us. We silently agreed, and lay down, on our backs, side by side on the soft bed. I pulled the covers up to my chin, suddenly chilled. He turned over on his side, and inched toward me.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked in a serious tone.

"Of course!" I said breathlessly.

"Don't you?" I added, nervous now, that he didn't.

"It's the only thing I've been thinking of since that first night at your house. " He admitted.

"I don't want to pressure you, we've got time, and only if you're su-"

"Draco, I love you. " I said simply, cutting him off. I moved toward him until I could feel his heart pounding next to mine. I looked deeply into his eyes while I spoke.

"I know that you love me. I know that someday, arranged marriage or not, you and I will be together. What we're doing right now, feels right. Everything about us feels right. I want to make love to you. " I said with so much conviction he smiled, and nodded in agreement, words failing him.

His arms went around me, and my legs tangled with his. I rolled on top of him, and his hands were on the clasp of my bra. He removed it quickly, much to my surprise, and then reached for the line of my panties. I lifted up, slightly, so he could pull them down, and he slid them off my ankles, kicking them on to the floor. It was my turn, I reached for his underwear, and pulled them off too. I was lying on top of him, and we were both completely naked. His body was hard and smooth, smashed against mine. He began kissing me again, and I shifted my weight, so I could feel how hard he was underneath me. My breath was coming in short gasps now, as I felt him caressing my sensitive spot with his fingers. I pumped my hips around him, and felt him tremble as he guided his way into my wet folds.

The pain only lasted for a few minutes, and he was stationary, waiting for me to tell him to continue. I felt my muscles relax around him and I moved my hips up and down. He was holding me from behind, when he suddenly rolled both of us over, and came to rest on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him like a pretzel, shaking with pleasure as he pumped into me. I couldn't think about anything but the wonderful feeling that had taken over my whole body. He gently stroked my breasts, and I felt the sensation growing deeper, almost painful. I looked into his eyes, and could tell he was ready for the same release. Our hands interlaced as I felt an explosion between my legs. It was greater, and more consuming than anything I had ever known. My whole body shook with anguish, and I rolled my head back and forth on the pillow, repeating his name over and over again. When I was finally able to focus again, I saw his eyes growing wider, and then he couldn't control it any longer. I felt his release as he groaned loudly, and then collapsed on top of me. We were both wet with perspiration, panting like thirsty animals.

"That was incredible!" He said between gasps. He rolled off me, and I tried to stand up, but saw that I was too weak, and crashed back down on the pillows.

"Oh my God. " I said, trying to untangle my hair.

"If I had known it was going to be like that, I don't think I could've waited. " My breathing was slowing down now, and I felt my heart rate steadying. I finally got up, my legs wobbly, and he laughed behind me as I stumbled into the bathroom to clean myself up. When I emerged five minutes later, he was sitting up in bed, covered at the waist by the blanket, looking extremely relaxed. His eyes were closed, and a smile was still evident on his face. When he heard me coming he cracked one eye open, and admired my naked form as I slid into bed, next to him. I sighed happily, as I sank down on the pillows, and felt myself drifting off to sleep. More content, more peaceful than any other night of my life.

27.

I felt no shame when I walked into the Great Hall the next morning, and sat down next to Draco. He was laughing, and talking animatedly with his friends, and I turned my head so no one would see the smirk plastered on my face. He smiled wickedly at me, and went back to his conversation.

Of course he's happy, I thought as I took of bite of toast smothered in jam. He said last night that he had been thinking of doing nothing else since last summer. It must've been like, a triumph, for him. For me, though, it was the ultimate turning point. Not the whole 'Now I'm a Woman' cliché, either; it was making love to Draco that finally convinced me, once and for all, that he and I were compatible in every way, we loved each other, and would be married one day.

Even though I never asked him if he told anyone about us, the awe- inspired looks Crabb and Goyle kept shooting at Draco that morning, more adulated than usual, told me that he had. That really didn't bother me, I knew that they wouldn't say anything to any one else, in fear of Draco's retribution. And, I didn't care what those two oafs thought of me anyway. No, what was agitating me, was not having a friend of my own to tell. I wanted to whisper breathlessly, recounting the feelings the event had stirred up inside me. I wanted to giggle, and sigh, and blush. I wanted to be the recipient of the same admiring looks Draco was getting from his friends. I was tempted to write to mum and Narcissa, but quickly dismissed the urge. I could tell them a lot of things, but not this. There was something perverse about telling my mother THAT. The idea of telling Millie and Clara, who had the biggest mouths' in the entire school, was ludicrous. I might as well have made fliers and passed them out in the halls between classes. It was utterly depressing knowing I didn't have a single, trustworthy friend.

~

I wasn't payig attention. I was still feeling sorry for myself, and my thoughts were rapped up in my own misery, when Professor McGonagall's sharp voice pulled me back into the classroom.

"Pansy! Are you going to answer the question or not?" She had apparently been saying my name for more than a few seconds, and everyone in the room was staring at me. I knew what was coming.

"I-I-I-I....." Please, I thought desperately, just repeat the damned question. McGonagall knew I stuttered. Surely, she wouldn't let me sputter for too long.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh" I heard the sniggering start on the Gryffindor side of the room, and felt my face growing hot. Deep breaths. Wasn't I ever going to get over this?

"Co-could you repeat the question pl-pl-please?" I said to my desk. The laughter was getting louder and I thought my face might burst into flames at any moment. McGonagall sighed with impatience, she waived around a piece of parchment.

"Your Fall Project, Pansy! " She said, exasperated, and waved the list around again. "What is your project? I need to know now, so you can pick partners before the end of the week. " She shook her head, and put the end of her quill to the parchment, waiting for my answer.

"Oh, uh, I'm attempting Animagus Training. " I said quietly. People were still giggling at my little stuttering performance, but when I said this, everyone went silent. And, still staring at me they suddenly started whispering.

"Very well, Miss Parkinson. You've got a lot of hard work in front of you. " She wagged a finger at me, and scribbled something on the parchment. Class would end in just a minute, and everyone began to gather their things.

"Quiet! This class is not dismissed until I say it is! " Silence. God, she was frightening! Only Professor Dumbledore could command such rapt attention from the students.

"Now, I hope you were all listening to each other's choices for projects. You'll need to find a partner with a project similar in difficulty level to your own. It will do you no good to pair up with someone who's chosen a weaker subject matter. I'll need your partners' name by the end of the week. Now, you are dismissed." She waved her hand at us, and we began to file out of the room.

I walked absentmindedly to lunch, contemplating who I would ask to be my partner. I hadn't been paying attention, unfortunately, and I had no idea what anyone else was doing. And, I had chosen the most difficult project on the list. Becoming an Animagus was supposedly the most difficult transfiguration one could perform, and took years to perfect. It was also highly dangerous. Who else could be doing anything as difficult as Animagus training?

My answer came in the form of a sharp tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find none other than Hermione Granger standing, imperious, in front of me. Potter and Weasly were behind her, scowling.

"Are you really doing Animagus training for your project?" She asked skeptically.

"Weren't you in class just now?" I snapped at her, turning back around, and walking away. I was already having a dreary day, I didn't need a nasty encounter with them to make it worse.

"Wait-" She caught up with me at the door of the Great Hall, and blocked me from going in. She tossed her mahogany hair, and glanced nervously back at Potter and Weasley who had stayed at the other end of the hall, obviously at her instruction.

"I didn't mean to be- abrupt. " She said quickly, and I exhaled. So this wasn't going to be another one of her famous diatribes? What did she want?

"The only reason I wanted to know- well obviously, I mean- we should be partners. " She was looking everywhere, except in my eyes. I couldn't tell if she was nervous or if she just hated me and the idea of being my partner made her sick. It didn't surprise me that she also chose Animagus Training.

"Yeah, I guess we should. There isn't anyone else doing it, then?" I nodded back at Potter and Weasley. For the first time, she smiled at me.

"Are you kidding? They're doing turtles!" I laughed with her, but it was self- conscious, and I stopped almost immediately. There was something very intimidating about this girl. But, something genuine, too, and I felt like, maybe, we could've been friends. I got the feeling that apologies would be entering my future again, as they had done with Neville. I expected skepticism, but at least the door was open now.

"Listen, I really think we should start tonight, you know, go over notes, and then I think we should start working on the-." She was talking fast, obviously excited at the prospect of how much work we had ahead of us, but Potter cut her off as he and Weasley walked toward us.

"Hermione, come on! We're starving!" Weasley was rubbing his stomach, nodding his head fervently in agreement.

"Let's meet in the library tonight, after dinner. " I said quickly, trying not to catch their eyes. I shifted my bag onto my other shoulder, and mumbled goodbye, as I walked in the opposite direction.

I ran into my dormitory, and flung myself face down on my bed. Tears formed in the corner of my eyes, and I didn't care as they streamed down my cheeks. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. My chest had contracted so tightly, I couldn't even breathe. I was in love with a handsome boy. A boy I loved, whole- heartedly. But, even that love was not a substitute for the joy a great friendship can bring. Twenty or so words, exchanged awkwardly with a girl I wanted to be my friend had brought me to tears. It was loneliness, in its truest form.

28.

"All I'm saying is, you'd better be careful. "

Draco was wringing his hands, and glancing nervously around the empty, cavernous library. The candles on the tables illuminated his face, and I couldn't help but think how handsome he was.

"What are you talking about?" I said, distracted, and pointedly looked at the hourglass on the table next to us.

Hermione and I had been meeting three nights every week over the last two months to study Animagus Training. She was late tonight, which was not like her. She usually got here long before I did, and stayed well past closing. I had grown to respect her brilliant mind and quick wit even more than I had thought possible. We never spoke of personal matters, but there was a silent pact between us. We would get through this project together; preconceived notions, and all. Draco, however, didn't share my newfound opinion on open mindedness. There were still little skirmishes with Potter and Weasley in the halls, but at least Draco fought his own battles now, instead of relying on Crabb and Goyle to bail him out. He slowly ran his fingers through his hair, and settled his gaze on a stain on the table between us.

"I just don't understand why you have to make such a spectacle of your new- friends." He spoke quietly, and I understood, then, his motivation for this latest lecture. I reached my hand out to his chin, and directed it up so I could look into his eyes.

"Listen to me, now, because I'm getting tired of this. We've both spent our entire lives doing what's expected of us. " I was talking through clenched teeth, and trying to keep my voice low. I wasn't angry, I just had to make him understand.

"And now, for the first time, I don't have to worry about who's watching me, or what my father will do to me. I don't have to pretend to hate people just because of who their parents are, or how many galleons they have in Gringott's. I don't have to feel like a prisoner. And, neither do you. " I was speaking more forcefully than I intended to and Draco sat silent.

"I've always been fascinated by Potter, you know." I admitted, my face turning scarlet.

But, still he said nothing.

"Think about it. " I glanced at the door way again, before continuing. "This boy-, hell, baby rather, vanquished our fathers' master! Supposedly the greatest wizard of all time! And, not just once- but four times-" He cut me off.

"You don't really believe all of those rumors, do you?" He asked, skepticism all over his face.

"Of course I do! I heard dad and Lucius talking about it once-"

"WHEN?" He practically shouted, and I grabbed his arm in an effort to quiet him.

"Last year, before school. Voldemort DID possess Quirrell in our first year, and Potter, Weasley, and Granger found the Sorcerer's Stone, and stopped him from returning! And then, your stupid father put that diary in the Weasley girls' things, in an attempt for Voldemort to get his body back, and Potter prevented it then, too! And, then when he killed Diggory after the Tri-Wizard Tournament Potter escaped from him! I- HEARD- YOUR- DAD- SAY- IT!" My voice was trembling with anger. Draco's eyes widened with disbelief, but I gripped his sleeve tighter, and continued.

"Everything we've been taught has been a lie! My mother practically said it last summer! I'm not wasting anymore time hanging out with those two idiots, Millicent and Clara, just because I'm supposed to. I hate them. And, I genuinely like Hermione. I finally found another girl who doesn't like to giggle! And, I don't care what anyone thinks, they can all sod off!"

"I agree with you to a point. But, I just can't help but think that our fathers' are out there, and we haven't seen the last of them. " His eyebrows were furrowing, and his anger at my tirade had changed into fear.

"What does that have to do with me studying with Hermione?" I tried to change the subject. He wasn't the only one who was afraid of seeing his father. I had nightmares about it all the time, but I chose not to tell anyone about my greatest fear. I didn't really have anyone to tell anyway.

"What if- well what if, Voldemort does take over, again? And, we have to go back with them, and they're angry about what we did in their absence?" I had a vision of Lucius kissing Voldemorts robes, praying for forgiveness upon the Dark Lords return.

"They can't get to the house. Mum and Narcissa are fine. They can't get in here because of Dumbledore. We're all safe. " I was now stroking his arm, instead of gripping it.

"I love you. I want to marry you one day. But for now, I just want to enjoy our last year and a half in school. I want to be a kid. I want to make some real friends, and try to forget dad and all of that. " I smiled but his face dropped suddenly, and he pulled his arm back. He rested his forehead on the edge of the desk, and his voice was muffled as he spoke.

"I love you too. I don't want anything to happen to you. To us. But, after school, where will we go? We can't go to your house. I don't want to spend my honeymoon in such short proximity to my mother. " I knew he was smiling, even though I couldn't see his face.

"We'll have to go into hiding, or something. We'll never be able to live freely as long as they're on the loose." He said sadly. I started to tell him that we would figure it out, but just then, the door to the library burst open, and Draco's head snapped up. I spun around, and saw a mass of brown hair, and black robes running toward us.

"Pansy! Draco! You have to come with me, right now!" Hermione was panting, and she started to shove all of my books back into my bag.

"Hermione, what's going-" There were tears in her eyes, as she jammed the last of my quills into my bag, and slung it over her shoulder. She grabbed my arm, and began pulling me out of my seat.

"We haven't got time! Just, come on! Both of you!" She said over her shoulder, still dragging me.

I don't know why, but I didn't argue with her. She was obviously scared, and I knew then that my worst fear had come true. My head was blazing with questions, but I let her drag me all the way to the headmasters' office. She bent over, and grabbed her stomach, still panting.

"Melon Meringue" She said, out of breath.

The gargoyle that served as the entrance slowly slid back, revealing a stone staircase. We ran to the top, and I nearly tackled Hermione to the floor when she stopped abruptly at the door, and knocked hesitantly. A booming voice told us to enter.

Dumbledore, tall and imposing, his white hair cascading down his back and face, looked gravely at Draco and I as we entered.

"What's going on?" Draco started, but the headmaster raised a withered hand and Draco clapped his mouth shut. It was then that I noticed Hermione standing off to one side of the room, right next to Potter.

"What's he doing here?" I motioned toward Harry, but the headmaster raised the hand again, and I fell silent.

"Do you remember at the beginning of the year, when I told you about a person at this school who could inform us of Voldmorts' movements?" His eyes narrowed as he spoke, and I knew.

"The scar!" I pointed at Harry, and Dumbledore nodded.

"But, does that mean that he can see into Harry's mind, also?" My head was swimming. It made perfect sense. Dumbledore nodded again, sadly this time.

"What about the scar?" Draco, apparently, did not understand.

"Harry and Lord Voldemort are connected by the scar on his forehead. It allows Harry to see into the Voldemort's thoughts, but, as you correctly guessed Miss Parkinson, it also allows Lord Voldemort to see into Harry's. Mr. Potter has gone to great lengths with Occlumency to block him out."

"So, why are we here? What did he see?" Learning of Harry's abilities was fascinating, but it also frightened me. Harry stood up, and walked around the desk, to stand next to Dumbledore. Harry looked questioningly at Dumbledore, who merely nodded at him.

"I saw them plotting out in the forest. " He looked out the window at the black shield that served as the entrance to the Forbidden Forest.

"There were about five of them, Voldemort, and both your father's too. They want to take you two from the school." I could see the scar tingeing pink, and he grabbed his forehead in pain.

"Harry!" I heard Hermione's voice, but I couldn't see anything. My father was less than five hundred feet from the castle. I thought I might faint, when I heard Hermione speak again.

"Harry! Tell them EVERYTHING!" My eyes focused, and I looked pleadingly at Harry. Draco's face had drained of all color. He was chalk white as he looked back and forth between Dumbledore and Harry. Harry hesitated, but Dumbledore nodded again at him to continue.

"They want you two for some kind of ritual. I couldn't make out the name of it, but I know that it has something to do with a human sacrifice. "

29.

I was flying. Flying just below the clouds. The wind whipped through my robes, and burned my face. But, I was smiling and laughing. I had gotten away. The moonlight served as a guide as I flew higher and higher through the clouds. The wind all around me kept getting louder and seemed to be making strange sounds. The adrenaline pumping through my veins had drained me of all my energy. I wanted to stop. But, no, I couldn't. I had to keep going. I couldn't remember who I was escaping from anymore. I was so tired. But the wind kept getting louder and I could just make out the sounds.

"PANSY!"

"WAKE UP!"

"WAKE UP, PANSY!"

My eyelids slowly opened to reveal three distressed faces just inches from my nose. Hermiones' hair came into focus before the rest of her did, and I felt her grab my hand, and pull me up from the place on the floor where I was sprawled. I had fallen flat on my back, and I could already feel the bump forming on the back of my head. I was numb and the whole scene felt like make- believe; they were all moving in slow- motion. I realized I had sat down, and slowly turned my head to see Draco sitting beside me in a trance. He didn't appear to be breathing. He sat stone- still and just stared out into space. I turned my head back to them and tried to concentrate. Had I just fainted? What was going on? I couldn't remember how to speak. I tried, but then

"Harry, perhaps you should explain-" Dumbledore had turned to Harry, but I noticed that the look in Harry's eyes was mistrustful as he surveyed Draco and me.

"Professor, are you sure we can trust........" He broke off, and Dumbledore slumped down in his chair, spent.

"Harry, I know that your history with Mr. Malfoy has not always been- pleasant, but surely you understand why its' necessary for he and Miss Parkinson to be informed-" Dumbledore narrowed his eyes at Harry, and they seemed to be having a silent conversation. Harry's eyes furrowed in rebellion, but he nodded slowly anyway, and turned back to Draco and me. He held his hand over his scar as if protecting himself and opened his mouth when the door creaked open, and Minerva McGonagall's head appeared.

"Headmaster, please, come quickly! Children, would you mind leaving-"

"No. The children will stay here. " He stood up, and walked toward the open doorway, and turned back to us.

"Behave yourselves." Then he vanished through the door.

Draco seemed to have come out of the trance and was slowly shaking his head back and forth. He got up from his seat and faced Harry.

"What do you mean, 'human sacrifice?' What do they want with us?" Draco's voice shook with fear, and he locked eyes with Harry.

"Calm down." Hermione said assertively, as she made her way to stand next to Harry.

"I think we should wait until Professor Dumbledore gets back, before we say anything more-" Harry added.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Draco shrieked at both of them.

"He just said that Voldemorts' right outside, with MY FATHER, planning to kidnap us, and there's going to be some kind of sacrifice! And you want me to calm down! Are you mad?" Draco's eyes danced like a storm, as he began to pace back and forth.

"The truth is, there are certain, er, aspects of all this that really isn't any of your business. You aren't members of the Ord-"

"Hermione!" Harry was shaking his head at her. Apparently, she had something she wasn't supposed to. She shot him a nasty look, and continued.

"What I mean is, we didn't really know what side you're on. " She said, desperation heavy in her voice. She looked guilty.

"What do you mean 'didn't'? How long have you known about this?" My thoughts were swirling around inside my head, but evidently I was able to form coherent sentences again.

Harry and Hermione exchanged nervous glances before Harry spoke.

"A month."

"WHAT?!" I heard Draco say at the same time I did.

"I couldn't make it out at first. " He didn't seem in the least apologetic.

"I knew they were doing something, but it only became clear that they were in the forest last week."

"A week? They've been out there a week, and you- you didn't say anything?" My voice cracked, and I felt my face growing hot.

"What? Were you waiting for them to kill us, before you felt we were worthy of your trust?" Draco spat.

"I didn't realize that you two weren't in on- whatever it is they're planning, until they mentioned the spell involved. " Harry matched Draco's coldness.

I looked back and forth between all of them. Draco and Harry were ready to pounce on each other, and I understood why Draco was so angry. Anger was far more appealing than fear at the moment. I turned on Hermione.

"I suppose you finally convinced him to warn us, then?" I hissed at her.

"How could you? After all the time we spent together, and you didn't trust me enough to warn me that my life was in danger?" My eyes widened, but she jutted her chin up in response.

"We didn't know how you were involved. We couldn't risk it. " She crossed her arms in front of her.

"Actually, it was Neville who convinced Harry to go to Dumbledore. " She added.

"Neville? Why would Neville tell you to go to Dumbledore?" Draco broke in, but never took his eyes off Harry's. They were having a pissing contest. Both determined to be the bigger man in a time of crisis.

"Neville has been saying for ages that you'd changed. He said that you told him you were happy about your father going to prison. I just didn't believe him until I heard what they were planning to do to you. " Harry looked worried for the first time.

"Tell us. What are they planning on doing?" I had resolved to sort this out later, and move on to more important things.

"I'm not entirely sure, but Dumbledore acted like he knew what they were doing-"

"Indeed, Harry, I do believe that I know what they're planning for Mr. Malfoy and Miss Parkinson. " Dumbledore glided through the doorway, and we all turned, expectantly. He sat down in his chair, and we followed suit, and sat down across from him. Draco was grasping my hand.

"I will ask you to remember that everything said in this office is to be held in the strictest confidence. " He paused to look at each of us before continuing.

"The reason Voldemort and his followers are attempting to break in here, and remove you two-" He gestured toward Draco and me.

"-is because of an incantation he wants to perform on himself- called Nivacandor. He needs the blood of a child, a child born to those who are still children themselves, a child with purewizard blood, a child not a week old. " He spoke slowly, and simply. But, if I was supposed to understand why they wanted to kidnap us, based solely on that explanation, we were in trouble. I started to protest, when the hand was raised for silence.

"-I have learned recently, that your parents arranged for you to marry each other after you leave Hogwarts?"

I saw Hermione's eyes widen and her chin drop in response to this. She had probably never even heard of arranged marriages still happening in the twentieth century, being a muggle-born. None of the books she read would talk about it. Draco saw Hermione's astonished face, and shot a look at Dubledore. He didn't want to talk about this in front of them.

"It's been called off." I offered weakly. My head was in my hands. Just get to it, already!

"I don't think your parents had anything to do with that decision. It is my belief that Lord Voldemort planned on using the first born child of one of his followers, many years ago. But, alas, Harry thwarted him before he could carry out his plans."

I just couldn't connect the dots. Too much had happened in the past few months. Too many surprises. Too much fear. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Pl-ple-please- Professor. Just say it plainly."

"Alright. " He took a deep breath,

"Lord Voldemort had planned to sacrifice one of you when you were born. But, you were born too late, and he had his encounter with Harry. None of his followers are young enough to bear the child, and most of the children of his followers are not as- ah- talented as he might've hoped. Apparently, he felt a child conceived by you two, in particular, would be of great use to him, indeed. This child he would sacrifice, and his or her blood would finally complete his efforts at immortality. This incantation will make him impenetrable to any spell. He will, in every way, become immortal. "

"Bu-bu-bu-" For the first time in his life, Draco began to stutter.

"How can he sacrifice a child that we don't even have yet?" I heard a small, squeaky voice say, and realized it was mine. I bit my lip. I would not start crying now. I had to be strong.

"I don't know how they're planning to -ah- achieve that part. But, knowing Voldemorts' ruthlessness, I wouldn't put any act of deviance past him. "

"What are we supposed to do? What can we do?" Draco was babbling.

"Professor McGonagall has informed me that Peeve's spotted what looked like someone wearing an invisibility cloak, down in the entrance hall. As you, Draco, and you, Harry, are the only two students in the school to possess one, it would lead me to believe that we have intruders at Hogwarts." His ultra calm tone was unnerving, as he casually relayed this bit of information.

"They're here? Oh My God!" I knew I had fainted before I hit the floor.

30.

It only took them a few seconds to revive me this time. Draco was fanning my face, and pulling me up all at once. My consciousness came back quickly, and I instantly remembered why I had fainted. My lips began to tremble. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop the tears now.

"They're here?- They're here- in the school? RIGHT DOWN STAIRS?" I began to shake, and Draco had to steady me. My face was instantly wet.

My fathers' face flashed inside my head. He was the dragon of my dreams from months before. He was giving me the look, only his eyes were bright red, and he snarled like a wild animal. Then I thought of my mother. Had she known this? Had she known that they were planning on killing me when I was an infant?

"Do not be afraid. They can't get in here. And, all of the teachers are searching the school as we speak. " Dumbledore's soothing voice interrupted my thoughts.

"We will catch them, but just the same, I think it best if you two were to leave. " He walked around the side of his enormous desk, and retrieved a small silver goblet from inside a drawer.

"I'll be sending a letter to your mothers' tonight. " He was casting a spell on the goblet as he spoke, and he motioned for Draco and I to stand up. But, Draco wasn't nearly as calm about the whole situation as Dumbledore was.

"But, what are we supposed to do? Go into hiding? Be trapped in that house forever?" Draco asked incredulously. I saw Harry make a sharp movement at Draco's words. I looked at him questioningly.

"What?" I asked Harry suspiciously. Did he have more to say? Was there something else?

"No-nothing. It's nothing. " He said shaking his head. Dumbledore looked at him knowingly, and nodded sadly.

"Mr. Potter has been in your position. I believe he may be sympathizing with you Miss Parkinson, that's all." He had read my thoughts. He turned back to Draco.

"Mr. Malfoy, you will need to stay at the Parkinson's until we get this sorted out. You know you are safe there. In addition to the Fidelius Charm, I have taken the liberty of casting some other charms on the house to protect you. One of which, I know you will be most pleased about" I thought I saw his eyes twinkle slightly. He was motioning with his withered hand, again, for us to join him.

Draco and I looked at each other. All I wanted to do was get out of there. Right then. I couldn't stand the thought of being so close to my vile father. We nodded, and stood up hand in hand.

"I will keep you informed. If you need anything, anything at all, your mothers' will know how to reach me." He thrust the goblet toward us, and said,

"On the count of three."

"Wait!" I said, and withdrew my hand from the goblet.

"When will I be too old, to have this child- that Voldemort wants?" I had the sinking feeling that Draco and I would never see Hogwarts again.

"The child must be born before your eighteenth birthday. Now, please, hurry!" He was grabbing my hand now, the urgency of the situation overcoming his normally impeccable manners.

He counted to one. I locked eyes with Hermione. I was saddened that she had really thought I was planning on helping Voldemort attack the school. I guess, after five years of burning hatred toward one another, it would take more than just a couple of nights in the library together to convince her that I really wasn't as evil as she thought.

"Two." I looked into Draco's eyes, they had turned dark gray with worry.

"Three."

With one last look around the room, we placed our index fingers on the cup.

~

In a swirl of light and smoke we landed, with a thud, in my living room. I opened my eyes, and jumped up at the sight of mum and Narcissa springing toward us like cats. I felt a jumble of arms around me, and tried to pull back, I was being suffocated.

"Mfhum!"

I shouted for her to let go, but mum was pressing my face into her chest, and speaking gibberish, and it came out muffled. She finally released me, pressing tiny kisses on top of my head, and I fell back into the squashy chair behind me, gasping for breath. She was on her knees a moment later, holding my hands tightly, and crying. Narcissa and Draco were having a bit of the same, I could tell, when I heard Narcissa choke up, and start crying. Mum took my face in her hands, and practically whispered.

"I want you to know something, right up front. I don't want there to be any misunderstandings. " She stopped crying and looked me square in the eye.

"I had no idea about any of- any of the things Dumbledore told you tonight! Nothing! When I read that blasted letter, just moments before you got here, I wanted to kill the man! And- and- I was so afraid- that something might happen to you- I practically had a heart- attack when I heard the sound of the port- key, and knew you were safe!" She lunged at me again, and I let her envelop me in the giant hug, grief and weariness washing over me.

"You're all I have left, you're all I have left..." She kept saying over and over, and I leaned back in the chair, and closed my eyes. The only thing I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep up in my bed. All of the questions that I had would have to wait. I had to get out of there. I didn't want to think about anything else. My head ached, and my limbs were weak as I tried to pull myself out of the chair.

"I have to go to bed now. We'll talk in the morning. "

My voice betrayed how weak I was and sounded confident. No one argued with me. I saw that Draco was on the chair in the corner of the room, Narcissa hovering over him. I took the steps up to my room slowly, and when I finally lay down in bed, my mind wouldn't allow sleep to come. My thoughts were consuming me, as each new scenario presented itself. I had visions of Voldemort breaking in here, taking us, and forcing Draco and I to consummate! I did the math in my head. If the baby had to be born before I turned eighteen, and that would be in a year and a half, then Draco and I would have to conceive the baby at least by next October. Nearly ten months away. Not such a long time, I decided finally, yawning, and turning over onto my side; my legs drawn up at my sides.

And, maybe they'll catch them before that, and Draco and I could go back to school. I let this last thought carry me away into a dead sleep.

31.

I awoke to find Draco's arms around me. The soft sound of his breathing on my neck gave me gooseflesh, and I rolled over trying not to disturb him. I silently turned my face up to his, and was surprised to see him awake, staring down at me. Neither of us spoke as we looked into the others' eyes. I was still half asleep when my most vivid memories began to flood my head as I drifted off, and felt my eyelids flutter.

Visions of Draco bullying me when we were children. Learning about our arranged marriage, and going to school to find that he didn't like the idea any more than I did. Alienating myself from everyone. Turning bitter, like mum had been before dad left. Being petty with Blaize. Finally realizing I loved Draco, and sharing the greatest act of love, together. Learning to ignore my first impulse, because I now shunned all that my father had taught me. And now, this latest bit of torture. My own father would've killed me when I was a baby, simply to please Lord Voldemort! His first born, only child! I'd never hated him as intensely as I did that night.

~

"Breaking into Hogwarts was a really stupid thing for your father to do. " Mum was pouring milk into a glass at the kitchen table the next morning.

"They must be getting desperate." Narcissa concluded, sipping her coffee. Draco was sulking at the counter, and I knew he didn't like the idea of having to be here. Especially, in the winter when he couldn't even use the quidditch field. I looked thoughtfully at the orange mum was holding in front of me, and wrinkled up my nose. I really wasn't hungry. She shrugged her shoulders, and dropped it back into the bowl in the middle of the table, then plopped down in the chair next to me.

"We need to talk about this at some point. " Mum grabbed the Witch Weekly out of my hand, just as I had picked it up, and shook her head.

"What do we need to talk about?" Draco asked,

"I thought we were all informed last night, right?" He feigned interest as he looked back and forth between mum and Narcissa, and tried to grab the Witch Weekly I had dropped, but Narcissa slapped it out of his hands.

"Ow! Whadja do that for?" He rubbed the back of his hand, but Narcissa gave him a hard look.

"Sara is right. We need to talk about this. Dumbledore has given us another- option, one we didn't have last summer. " Narcissa glanced at mum, who was fighting the smile trying to spread itself across her face. And, then I remembered what Dumbledore had said the night before.

"What did he do?" I bit my lip, we had to have some bit of good news, right?

"Well, even with the Fidelius Charm protecting us, Dumbledore thought that placing the Paltrav Charm on the house, would make us all a little more comfortable!"

"Isn't that the one where you get to move the house?" Draco gave the most generic description of the Paltrav Charm I had ever heard, and I couldn't help but chuckle. He looked at me, annoyed.

"Well, isn't it?" He searched the room, trying to find some kind of support, but it was only a few seconds before mum, Narcissa and I erupted into good- natured laughter.

"Yes, dear, it is the one where you get to move the house. " Narcissa said, wiping the tears from her face as she spoke.

"No wonder you only got an Acceptable on your Charms O.W.L.!" I ruffled his hair, and laughed again.

"Fine, make jokes. I don't care. Just tell me what's so great about being able to move the house." He demanded. But, grinned at me all the same.

"What's so great is that we can move the house ANY-WHERE! Anywhere in the world! And, not just the house, but the entire estate!" The wheels were turning in my head, and I was excited as I thought of all the places in the world I had always wanted to visit. Now we would have that chance!

"Anywhere? Like, we could go to an island somewhere?" He asked skeptically. Narcissa and mum bobbed their heads up and down in response.

"Of course! And, we don't have to settle anywhere either! If we get bored with the islands, perhaps we'll go to the mountains!" Mum said, her voice full of energy.

"And, Narcissa and I talked about it this morning. We know that you two don't feel comfortable here, being around us old fogy's all the time! We have a surprise for you!" She and Narcissa locked eyes, both full of mischief, as they walked through the backdoor that led to the lake behind the house. Draco stared after them, then turned to me,

"What have they done, now?" He said shaking his head, but grabbing my hand, and pulling me out the door to follow them just the same.

What I saw when I stepped through the door took my breath away. The bridge that served as the gateway to the quidditch field had been modified. It now broke off into a fork, midway over the lake, and went in another direction. This new section of bridge led to a small house on the other side of the lake. It was a white, two- story clapboard, with a wrap- around porch, and two rocking chairs sitting right next to the bright green door.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-" Draco smiled at me, and put his hand over my mouth. I stopped trying to speak, it was pointless, anyway.

"Is-is that for us?" Draco pointed at the house.

"Yes." They said in unison, then broke into great whoops of joy.

"Bu-bu-but we're only sixteen! We're minors! You don't mind if we sleep- in the same room?" I almost said bed, but stopped. I still couldn't stomach having that conversation with my mother.

"We remember what sixteen was like." Mum said knowingly, and she caught Narcissa's eye, and got serious.

"We trust you to make your own decisions. I don't think either of you have really been children for a long time, now. Your fathers' saw to that. But, WE want you to be comfortable, and if you feel uncomfortable living in your own space-"

"NO!" We both said at once. And we looked at each other again, and smiled. I couldn't believe they were doing this. I just couldn't believe it.

"Are you doing this because you think we're going to be here for a long time?" I asked them.

"We're doing this because we don't know how long we're going to here, and Narcissa and I are finally at ease with each other in the big house. You remember how irritated we all got with each other last summer, don't you?"

I grinned.

"Yep. I see your point."

"We just thought it would be nice for you to be able to retreat to a place of your own. You'll see there are two bedrooms, but we won't pry into your business. There's also a kitchen, and living room, all furnished of course. Oh- come and see it!" Mum grabbed my hand and we filed over the bridge to have a look.

It was furnished just as comfortably as the big house. The drapes and furniture were all soft neutral colors. The chairs were plush, and comfy looking. Mum and Narcissa gestured here and there to nick- nacks and paintings they said were family heir- looms from both families. The kitchen was tiled in yellow, and looked sunny from every angle. I couldn't imagine being unhappy here, I thought as they led us upstairs. There were, indeed, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a sitting area. It smelled new, and fresh. Like the morning air before the sun comes up.

"Well, what do you think?" Mum asked.

We were back at the big house, now, finishing breakfast. Draco was strangely quiet, and hadn't said much during the tour, or since we'd been back in the kitchen.

"It's great, mum, Sarah. It really is. I guess I'm just trying to take it all in. " He said without looking up from the table.

"I was supposed to be in double potions, right now. " He added sheepishly.

He was right. Hogwarts was a million miles away. And, we were here, and our mothers' were practically forcing us to live together! Everything was totally bizarre and surreal as I looked out the window, and saw the house, mine and Draco's, sitting innocently at the edge of the lake.

"We know that it'll take a little time to adjust. " Narcissa said gently.

"But, we thought maybe going somewhere warm for Christmas might cheer you up! How about Australia? Or Greece?" Mum said hopefully.

I had completely forgotten that Christmas was next week! It seemed like such a trivial detail in retrospect to the last twelve hours.

"Australia would be fun." Draco said, and I knew he was warming to the idea of no homework, or classes. Ever again. And, we had our own house. I kept coming back to that point!

"Well, the next ten months aren't going to be very much fun, no matter where we are. " I said slowly.

"What do you mean, dear? Ten months?" Narcissa asked me. Mum looked bewildered, but the dawning on Draco's face told me he knew what I was talking about.

"For the spell. Dumbledore said the baby has to be born before I turn eighteen. That's nineteen months away. Do the math." And they knew that I would be anxious until the clock ran out for Draco and I to conceive the child that Voldemort would murder. After that time, I would be too old, and the baby would be of no use to him. Just the same, though, I started to have doubts about the logic behind giving Draco and I a house, all to ourselves. What would if happen if I did become pregnant? Would Voldemort know? Would he be able to get the baby? Deep breaths, Pansy. I resolved to think about it later.

"Let's not worry about that. " Mum said soothingly, and she put an arm around me.

"The best thing we can do, is to just try and forget about them. Dumbledore will let us know what's going on. He seems confident they'll catch him soon, or at least some of the followers. We can only hope your fathers' are among them." She squeezed my arm, then let go.

"Well, Australia, then?" Narcissa said pleasantly, as she grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill.

"We'll let Dumbledore know to move the manor as soon as possible. This time tomorrow, we'll be on the beach!"

She scribbled something I couldn't see on the parchment, and rolled it up, tying it to the leg of the owl that had just appeared. The owl hooted softly, and swept out the window.

~
In less than an hour we got a reply back from Dumbledore. He would move the house in just a few minutes. We would be down on the southwestern part of the continent. One of the most beautiful beaches in the world would be right outside our door step. Mum finished reading his letter, and realized there was another letter attached. She examined it, and then handed it to me with a look of curiosity on her face.

32.

'Dear Pansy'

I wish that I had the opportunity to do this in person, but as Professor Dumbledore has explained to me, it's not possible.

I owe you an apology. I feel terrible about not telling you and Draco sooner. When you left last night I did a lot of thinking, and realized that, subconsciously, I had become what I hate most in this world: prejudiced. I knew that there was a change in you, but I still didn't give you the benefit of the doubt. It makes me sick to think of what could've happened if we didn't speak up when we did. I am truly sorry.

I know that you probably won't forgive me. I don't know if I would be able to if I were you. But, I want you to know that if you ever want to respond, or need anything, I'll be here.

Take care of yourself, and Draco.

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger

~

I stared at the letter for a long time before saying anything. Mum was looking expectantly at me.

"Well, who's it from?" She said impatiently.

"It's from a girl at school. " I folded the letter in half and put it in my pocket.

"Who?" Draco looked suspicious.

"Hermione" I said quietly.

Mum didn't know who Hermione was, but Narcissa did. She'd heard stories from Draco about the little mud- blood friend of Potters' who was a know- it- all, and top student in our class.

"Hermione Granger?" Narcissa blinked. "I didn't know you were friends with her. " I couldn't tell what she thought about that, her face was completely passive.

"I'm not. We were doing a project together for Transfiguration, and she neglected to tell me that Potter was having visions of Dad and Lucius and the rest of them- plotting to kidnap us out in the forest!" I spat, my temper heating up.

"What did it say?" Draco asked, angry too.

"That she's sorry, more or less." I said simply.

"Well, good. She should be sorry!" Mum breathed. "I can't believe that they knew all that time, and they never said anything! Harry Potter should've at least gone to Dumbledore! He could've told them that we aren't helping that monster!" She waved her hand in the air for emphasis, and just as quickly, her whole face changed, and she was on to more important matters.

"You two!" Mum was pointing at Draco and I.

"You heard what Dumbledore said! We're moving in a few minutes. Now, I'm sure it'll be fine, but just the same, we might want to be sitting down when this happens! Let's go to the living room!" She was ushering us out of the kitchen, Narcissa in tow.

~

White sands, and crystal clear water were just the thing to make me forget everything. We arrived on our own beach, not a single person in sight. The manor had transformed to accommodate our new environment, and there were now Palm Trees on the grounds, green grass surrounded by an endless desert to the east; aquamarine water to the west. Tropical plants grew around the lake that separated the small house from the big one, as I was beginning to call them, and everything on the estate seemed to acquire that salty, sea- air smell that I loved. It was so strange that I could walk out the front door, and watch the ocean rage, a mere twenty yards away, which I did every morning, and evening. Draco was in his element. No books, no classes, no Potter or Weasley, no worries whatsoever. He had his quidditch field, he had the beach, and he had me.

We spent that first night in paradise in the same bed, sleeping. We were both exhausted, and too tired to even speak. I knew that, very soon, we had to figure out the sex issue. We just couldn't afford to be careless. If it was going to be too tempting to sleep together, without 'sleeping' together, we'd just have to do the separate room thing; Which we did, right after I forced Draco to talk about it a few days after arriving. Much to my surprise, he agreed with me, and even better he had a plan.

~

"We can't take any chances. " He said soberly.

We were sitting on the porch of our little house, rocking slowly in our chairs as the night skies enveloped the pink and orange hues left over from the day. My stomach, uncomfortably full from the enormous dinner Narcissa had made. I watched with great anticipation as the stars crept onto the sky.

"I think we should sleep in separate rooms. " I said, tearing my eyes away from the stars, and looking at his profile. He nodded solemnly, but said nothing.

I knew how difficult it was going to be. We couldn't be together, like we had gotten used to back at school. We had to reacquire innocence, not a simple feat, for two teenagers, basically left alone to their own devices, in one of the most beautiful spots in the world. The idea was growing more impossible, in my mind, with every passing thought. I laughed suddenly, and caught Draco by surprise.

"What?" He said, but was smiling at me.

"I was just thinking that, maybe separate bedrooms won't be enough of an impediment. " He laughed, and grabbed my hand.

"Well, maybe this will be. " And, his eyes sparkled brighter than any star in the sky as he slid the ring onto my finger.

I gasped with astonishment; it was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. A platinum, antique- setting, with a large princess- cut diamond in the center. Every angle I turned my hand seemed to make it glitter, and twinkle even more. I felt the tears form in my eyes, and found I was speechless as he rose out of the chair, and knelt in front of me. He was still holding my hand, and as I looked into his eyes, as best I could with salty tears blurring my vision, I knew that everything would be o.k. He was the only memory from childhood that I wanted to allow into my future. Even knowing that it was all arranged for sinister reasons, I was still grateful for the one good decision my father had ever made. He chose Draco. And, now for the rest of my life, I did too.

"Pansy, will you do me the honor and privilege of becoming my wife?" He wasn't really asking. He knew he didn't have to. We'd made this decision a long time ago, when we finally succumbed to our own feelings, and our parents' wishes.

"Ye-ye-ye-" It was no surprise when I sputtered, but I still became frustrated, and with a deep breath shouted:

"YES!" He cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me gently on the lips, brushing my cheeks and hair. He pulled back and looked at me.

"I just thought we should do it right. All of it. We aren't married yet." He observed. "We'll just have to wait until the wedding." He concluded and then smiled sheepishly, and I understood. He was trying to be honorable, and it only served to further my desire for him at that moment; the best in my life.

"And, when will that be?" I asked, my hand inching up his arm. I wanted to touch him, and hold him, but he pulled back, knowingly.

"Five hundred and forty-seven days." He replied matter-of-factly. I bust out laughing, and leaned back in my chair, looking up at the stars and down at my hand every few seconds.

"We're getting my married on my birthday?" I joked.

"That's convenient! Now you'll have no excuse for forgetting our anniversary!" I closed my eyes, and l listened to him chuckle.

"I suppose I won't. And, you can't either!" And, he looked toward the ocean again, his face becoming serious.

"If you want me to move into the big house, I will. Or you can. Either way." I was so happy, I didn't want to think about it just then. I only wanted to relish in the joy that had taken over my body.

"Let's just sleep out here tonight. And, we'll figure that out in the morning. " I glanced down at my ring, smiling instantaneously. I pulled my wand out of my pocket, and flicked it. Two large green sleeping bags appeared on the white sand a few feet in front of the porch.

"We'll just stay here, and then on your birthday, we'll get married. After that, we're leaving. We'll go wherever we want!" He had it all planned out.

"And, maybe sooner. Dumbledore could catch them, you know." He added thoughtfully.

I grabbed his hand, and pulled him out of the chair. I led him down to the beach and waiting sleeping bags. I plopped down on one, and lay on my back, to look at the stars. He stood for a moment, watching the waves move farther and farther away from the beach, before he lay down, too.

"I love you, Draco." I said dreamily, and fell asleep.

33.

'Dear Hermione'

You were most correct in your estimation of my ability to forgive you. I didn't want to, at first. But, like you said, being prejudiced clouds your better judgment. It was very difficult for me to come back to school this year, knowing the horror I was in store for. My father had escaped from Azkaban, I was held prisoner in my own house all summer, and I was suffering from nightmares, very similar to the one you witnessed the night I left Hogwarts.

I was also ashamed of myself. I was raised with traditions that you know nothing about. Just like I have no idea what it's like being raised as a muggle. Every decision I have ever made has been influenced by my father. And, most of the time, the decisions about my life weren't left up to me. Including marriage, as you learned. The night that my father was taken away, my mother and I finally came to life. The burden of living a 'respectable-pure-blood wizards' life was lifted. I now spend my days praying for his capture, or murder, whichever comes first. Do you have any idea what it feels like to wish your own father dead?

I realize that until now, you knew nothing about all of this. Simply put, I hated you because I was supposed to, and you hated me because I was a nasty cat to all of you. I apologize for that. In retrospect, I realize how suspicious my sudden change- of - heart must've seemed, especially after what happened last year with my father. In a parallel universe, you and I could've been great friends, I think.

I wanted to thank you for your apology, it would be nice to have someone to write to while we're locked up here. Please, let me know what's happening, if you can.

Pansy

Draco and I had yet to tell our mothers' of the engagement. We wanted it to be the right time. Which we had plenty of at the moment, obviously, but mum and Narcissa had honed their daily duties into tight schedules filled with gardening, cooking, muggle crafts, cleaning, and anything else they could think of to take their minds off their wayward husbands. They claimed to be so busy, they didn't have time to lay on the beach and loaf, like I did all day. We would tell them soon. I also didn't feel that Hermione was worthy of hearing this news, either. I didn't know why I was writing to her, except what I said in the letter, I was getting lonely, and a pen- pal, no matter who it was, would not come amiss.

The wonderful world of Hogwarts seemed so distant. Even though I didn't have any friends, it was the building itself that always amazed me. I loved the paintings, and the feasts. I loved my classes, and learning new magic. Deep down, I knew I wouldn't be returning. I knew that life was behind me now, and all I had was Draco, and mum and Narcissa. But it seemed like such an empty existence. Hiding, waiting, creating new ways to spend my time. I was only sixteen, but I felt like I had a life time's worth of angst, and troubling memories' to contend with already. I felt old. Even the shiny ring on my finger, which I only wore when I was alone, couldn't take that feeling away.

The first six months were the hardest. I moved into the big house the day after Draco proposed, and cried for hours on the bed I'd slept on my entire life. Looking around the room, I grew even more depressed. It was a stranger's room. Filled with books I never read, trophy's I'd earned because my dad had bribed the judges to give them to me, stuffed animals that I never played with. And, now I was confined here for God knew how long. All that was missing were the symbolic bars on the window.

I watched Draco play quidditch during the days, alternating my sun- bathing so I wouldn't get scorched. I read my magazines, and waited impatiently for news. By June, one month before my seventeenth birthday, we hadn't heard anything encouraging. Dumbledore wrote weekly, and basically said the same thing in every letter, they were hunting everywhere, we were safe, don't give up hope, blah blah blah.

No, it was Hermione's letters that were filled with real information, which I eagerly shared with my fellow inmates. I only found out years later how much she risked every time she sent a letter. Dumbledore didn't read her mail, and if he had, he would've been furious. She told me what missions were being planned, and how they were tracking Voldemort down. She even told me about the visions Harry had. They seemed to be getting more and more violent as time progressed. And, more people were murdered every day. Even the muggle world was aware of the Dark Lord, not that he was a wizard of course, just another mass- murderer. He was all over the news, and people were ready to riot if something wasn't done soon. The ministry's for both sides were getting desperate, and the mood was right for a rebellion.

Summer drifted on and time stopped for us in paradise. We were like zombies as days became nights became days. There were times when I forgot why we were confined there. We had successfully avoided alcohol so far. We knew the drunken binges would become habit, and didn't want to sit around like lushes all day. But, on my birthday mum decided we needed to have a little fun. We sat out on the beach drinking heavily from open bottles of wine, reminiscing, and dreaming of a time when we would be free. The sun sank below the edge of the ocean, and the waves crashed against the shore as Draco and I took a walk down the beach.

"Do you think we should go somewhere else?" He asked, his face in deep concentration as he contemplated this idea for himself. He had grown solitary, and mature over the last six months, but he had drank a lot that day, and he stumbled as he walked along next to me.

"Maybe for Christmas, we could go somewhere with snow. I miss snow, and leaves that aren't the palm variety. " I giggled, and realized I was tipsy, too. I collapsed onto the beach, and sank my toes into the wet sand. He walked on, not realizing I had sat down.

"Draco!" I called after him, and he turned around, confused, and shuffled toward me. His face was partially hidden by the night, but I knew he was smiling, anyway. He plopped down next to me, and inched closer, until our bodies were touching. He put his hand on my shoulder, and leaned forward to kiss me. It had been so long since we allowed ourselves to be close like this. In the previous months we clung to small bits of asexual affection, typical of old married couples. Now, as his kisses grew more passionate, my body reminded me that I was seventeen, and there were some urges I couldn't control no matter how hard I tried.

'Stop!' a voice screamed in my head. 'Stop, before it's too late! You can't! You know what could happen!' I went through all of the usual arguments in my head, like I did so often these days, as a constant reminder. But, as he laid me down on my back, and his whole face became framed by the stars, I forgot why we weren't supposed to be doing this. I didn't care anymore.

His hands were peeling my bathing suit off, and I felt my hands doing the same thing to him. He trembled as he exposed new bits of flesh, and then he stopped.

"We can't. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. " He covered me up again, but I grasped his arm in protest. My eyes were closed, and I found I couldn't open them.

"Please, just keep touching me. I've missed you so much. " I plead, and he relented. He bent and kissed me again, and soon the aching became too much for both of us. With each touch of his gentle fingers, I couldn't help but reciprocate. The wine and the heat, and the loneliness, had come to full circle. We needed an affirmation of life; something to remind us we were both still breathing.

We made love on the beach, oblivious to the ocean, and the stars, and the horrible mistake we were making.

34.

"We have to tell someone!"

"Why? Until we know for sure, why worry everyone?"

"But-"

"Besides, we did it before, and nothing happened! I refuse to think about it, until we have to!"

I was adamant. I didn't want to tell anyone we were engaged, and I certainly didn't want to tell mum and Narcissa about this. We weren't children, after all. We didn't need to run to them every time we made a mistake. We didn't need their lectures, or worse, running off to Dumbledore. If the worst had happened, and I was pregnant, no one in the world could know about it but us. That was one thing I was sure about. But, Draco was totally panicked, convinced that Voldemort would somehow know.

I couldn't be! I just couldn't be! I tried to convince myself.

By October, though, I wasn't so sure. I counted the days, and realized that it had been almost six weeks since Draco and I had our unfortunate tryst on the beach, and I hadn't gotten my period yet. If I was going to have a baby, it would be due in April, three months before my eighteenth birthday, and well within the parameters for the spell Voldemort wanted to carry out.

How could I have been this stupid? I chastised myself, as I sat down on a patch of sand, hidden by a large swooping palm tree. I had just gotten a letter from Hermione, and I wanted to take my mind off my mess for a little while. Hermione's letters were not cheerful, or full of gossip. They were matter-of-fact accounts of what was happening with Voldemort. Before I opened them I imagined they said that everybody was dead, or captured and we could come home. But, they never said this.

'Pansy'

I know Dumbledore plans on telling you and Draco, but I felt compelled to write to you as soon as I could. Hogwarts was closed early this morning. I'm writing this on the train, going home. Death Eaters broke into the school last night, no doubt looking for you, and killed Neville Longbottom and three others. Twenty of them stormed the school while we were in the Great Hall for the Halloween Feast. Neville tried to block them from coming into the Hall, and they killed him. The spell ricocheted and hit the Ravenclaw table, hitting three first years. It was awful. Everyone started screaming, and tried to run. Luckily, Dumbledore and the other teachers were able to fight them off before anyone else was hurt. Your dad, and Lucius were among them, but no one believes they'll stay in Azkaban for long.

I hate only writing you with bad news, but these letters have been a bit of solace for me in the past months. I don't know what we're supposed to do now. Everything seems totally hopeless. I hope you and Draco are safe. Please keep in touch.

Hermione

I sucked in a deep breath and felt the tears burning down my cheeks a second later. What else could happen? I thought miserably. It was the fourth time that Hermione's letter had served as a death notice. Three members of the Order had been killed over the last year fighting Voldemort, but I was horribly saddened by Neville's death, much more so than the stranger's she told us about in the past. Neville was such a sweet, kind- hearted boy. I always imagined him to be a bumbling professor one day. Not anymore, I thought sadly. My head was buried in my chest, and I was whimpering, so I didn't hear him sit down beside me.

"What's wrong?" He demanded, automatically suspicious. I hadn't told him about the other thing yet, and he was always asking.

Without a word I passed him the letter from Hermione. He read it quickly, and set it back in my trembling hand.

"Jesus Christ." He said softly.

I continued to cry, and he put his arm around my shuddering frame. Mum and Narcissa must've seen us huddling together, because all of a sudden they were running from the Big House toward us.

"Draco! Pansy! Come on! Right now!" They came to a halt when they reached us, panting, and began grabbing for our arms, trying to pull us up from our spots on the beach.

"Mum? What's wrong? What's going on?" Draco asked as his frantic mother tried desperately to pull him up. She relented, and placed both hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eye.

"We'll explain later! Get up, NOW!" She screamed, and I knew she wasn't angry, but frightened.

Mum caught my hand, and yanked me upward. They dragged both of us into the house, slamming the door behind us as soon as we were all in.

"Give me that!" Mum snatched the letter from my hand, and scanned it.

"It was a hoax!" She waived the letter around frantically.

"They broke into the school as a diversion. Those weren't really Death Eaters that were arrested!" Mum was talking fast, and dragged me around the family room while she tried to prepare to move the house again. Narcissa was holding a very wobbly table in place with one hand, the other firmly held Draco's trembling shoulder.

Mum counted to three, and a huge vacuum began sucking the manor up from the ground, leaving the palm trees and ocean where they stood before we arrived. We were spinning, and the vacuum grew louder, and more powerful. The furniture slid from one side of the house to other, paintings' fell off the wall, knick- knacks shattered on the floor. It lasted for only thirty seconds, and then all was completely still, and considerably colder, I could tell already.

I ran to the window and was blinded by a sea of white. White, snow covered grass, trees and mountains. Not a stitch of color anywhere in sight. We could've been at the North Pole.

Mum smoothed her hair down, and with a deep breath, bellowed a charm, and the house began arranging itself back in order. Narcissa finally let go of Draco's white knuckled hand, and sat down, taking deep breaths.

"It-was-a-hoax!" Mum panted, sitting down.

"They broke in as a diversion, to get to the headmasters' office, and find Dumbledore's Penseive. They were trying to find out where he sent us. " Her breath was ragged, and short.

"Bu-bu-but they can't find us. No-not with the Fidelius Charm over the house. " I stammered.

Mum, and Narcissa exchanged dark looks, and Draco's frightened mother spoke up.

"The smaller house was added after the Charm was cast. It's exposed." She said.

"We didn't know. We didn't know." Mum said in the voice of a mad woman.

"Well, then get rid of it!" Draco shouted.

"I'm afraid- it's a bit late for that!" A high- pitched, cold voice boomed inside the house. I turned, and saw my very own nightmare coming to life. Lord Voldemort, flanked by Lucius and Dad were standing outside the doorway.

35.

My life flashed in front of me, and I felt my chest caving in. There were flashes of light all around me as the door exploded into a million pieces, and the force of it knocking all of us to the floor. I landed behind a couch, banging my knees on the hardwood floors, as I heard my father speak. I hadn't heard his voice for two years, and it seemed like the voice of a stranger.

"Well, well. " He spat viciously as he surveyed the room. I was crouching behind the sofa, and he hadn't seen me yet. He fixed his gaze on my mother, who had gone white.

"Aren't you happy to see your wife?" Voldemort hissed, and then broke into laughter.

"Sara." Dad said softly, and at first I thought his tone was gentle, until I allowed my eyes to travel up to see his face, and I knew then, that he was very angry. Just as my mother was about to speak, he grabbed her by the hair, yanking her upward, and pulling his wand from his robes.

The green light from the spell hit her squarely in the chest. She dropped to the floor, dying instantly.

"Mum!" I cried, and leapt out from hiding spot. My father reached for me in the same way he had reached for my mother.

"Ah, ah, ah! Not quite so rough Theodore." Voldemort said passively, "We need this one alive." And then he laughed in the same high pitch squeal that I heard outside the door.

My mind was reeling. My mother was dead on the floor. Her eyes open, wide with fear. I looked around and saw that Draco and Narcissa were on the floor also, rocking each other back and forth, crying. Lucius stood above them, a cruel smile playing on his lips. My father and Lucius had a look in their eyes that I didn't understand at first. And, then as my father yanked on my arm, pulling me to face Voldemort, I realized that he and Lucius were both under the Imperius Curse. They would do anything he told them to.

"Now, girl. I happen to know that you are with child. Were you aware of this?" He spoke slowly, and his tone had suddenly become serious, instead of mocking as it was moments before when he watched my father kill my mother. She's dead, oh my God. She's dead. I heard her voice in my head 'Be strong, Pansy.'

"I am." My voice was shaking, but I wasn't stuttering. I suddenly felt strong. I had to be. Draco was covering Narcissa like a wounded animal. I had to fight.

I had a card to play: They couldn't kill me. Just as I felt a little rush of confidence, I realized that even though they couldn't kill me, they could kill Draco.

"And, do you know why I want your child?" He was slightly taken aback, because I wasn't scared. I kept glancing at mum, and I knew I had to be strong.

"I know why you want the child, and I'm willing to talk to you about it. " I said calmly, but in the next instance, I felt my hand rummaging on the floor, looking for something I had seen fall when the house was moved. At last, I felt the cool handle being enclosed by my trembling hand. I stood up again, facing Voldemort.

"You've taken my mother, if you do anything to Narcissa or Draco, I'll kill myself right here, right now!" And the knife in my hand was now jabbing at my belly.

Voldemort looked from dad to Lucius, but they were zombies. He settled his dark gaze on me, and I couldn't tell if he was impressed by my bravery, or impatient. He flicked his wand, and I held my breath, waiting to see if I had pushed him too far.

36.

I saw the silver drift from his wand, and realized it was a sleeping spell. I don't even remember hitting the ground. When I woke up, I couldn't see. There was blackness all around me, and I got the sense that we were traveling. My arms and legs were pinned to my sides, apparently, he had also used the full body bind to keep me in place. A curtain was lifted, and light suddenly came streaming into the place where I was being confined.

"What are you doing up?" Lucius' snide voice surprised me and I realized that we must've been in a muggle car. The curtain was separating the front and back seats. I couldn't remember anything. I didn't know why I was there.

"I-I don't know." I stammered, and continued to try to look around me. It was then that I realized that dad was in the back seat with me. Lucius and Voldemort were in the front seat. Lucius dropped the curtain back into place, and the blackness took over my eyes. But, I could feel dad, now. Sitting beside, breathing heavily. He was still under the spell, when it seemed that Lucius was more aware, he was driving after all. Knowing that my father was beside me suddenly made me recall the scene I had witnessed at the house earlier. Mum was dead. I started to whimper, thinking of her lifeless body sprawled on the floor in the entryway to the house. Killed by her husband, my father. But, I had been strong. I still didn't know what my strength had yielded, because I had no idea where Draco and Narcissa were. They could be dead, too. And, then the whimpering became full on sobs. The curtain was lifted again.

"Shut up!" Lucius said coldly. "I can't stand crying!"

"Where is Dr-Dr-Dr-"

"My, my Pansy." Lucius said in that same cold voice. "I would've thought that stuttering had been stopped by now, surely!" Suddenly his fingers closed around my throat, and he pulled me nearer to him. My father didn't even move.

"You needn't worry about that coward and his bitch of a mother!" He spat. "They couldn't help you now, even if they wanted to!" He laughed then, and I heard Voldemort laughing too, but I couldn't see him, and I didn't understand what Lucius meant.

"Wh-wh-wh-"

Suddenly Voldemort turned around, and the slits he had for eyes began to twinkle as his speech enveloped me.

"Rest assured little girl. They aren't dead, just as you requested. They're thinking has been- ah- altered, you might say." He turned back around and the curtain was replaced. The bumps in the road made me sway and every time I felt the heat coming from my father, I felt ill. I knew that Voldemort had placed some kind of curse on Draco and Narcissa. But, I didn't know what, and I didn't even know where they were. I rummaged around in my robes, and found that my wand was missing. Of course they wouldn't leave me my wand. Not that I was a match for any of these wizards anyway.

I was feeling really sleepy, as if the blackness surrounding me was making me tired. I yawned, and closed my eyes, a continuance of black. I drifted off to sleep again, until it seemed days had gone by, and I felt the car stop.

37.

When we emerged from the car, Lucius and Voldemort walking, and Dad carrying me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, I caught sight of Draco and Narcissa. Something was different about them. They were pale, and their eyes seemed cold.

"Lord, what am I to do with this?" My father stopped, and posed his question to Voldemort, as if I were an object.

"Set it down inside the manor. I'll deal with it. " He replied coldly.

Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco followed behind, and my dreamy state inhibited me from talking to them. My fathers' arms were around my waist, and I could barely breathe, for how tight he was holding me. My head flopped against his back, and I saw Draco and Narcissa smiling all of a sudden. I knew they were under some sort of spell, then.

I didn't know where we were, and the light of the day was disappearing, while the dark took over. We seemed to be in the country, even from my odd angle, I could tell there was nothing except a house in the distance. No other people, no other buildings. Just a house, old and decaying.

When we reached the inside, my father dropped me on the floor, and turned around, waiting further instructions. Draco, Narcissa, and Lucius walked through the entry way, and waited also. When Voldemort finally entered, they all proceeded to follow him into the next room, which turned out to be an old, musty living room, replete with moldy furniture, and the distinct odor of cat urine.

"COME IN HERE, GIRL!" Voldemort's voice shook the room, and I obeyed, still sleepy, not really understanding yet.

"Sit down." I sat on the nearest couch, the stuffing having come out, and the leg nearly falling off.

"This is how it's going to work." He was sitting across from me, the others listening raptly to his speech. I looked at Draco, and it seemed he didn't even know me for the distant look in his eyes.

"You will stay here until the baby is born. Then, I will take the baby to fulfill my last spell for eternal. That's it. After that, you can do as you please. Leave, or perhaps stay here."

What made him think I would ever stay there? My thoughts were beginning to focus, and then

"You might want to stay here, because Draco will be here. And, I know how much you do love him." He had read my thoughts. I remembered then, that if he was reading my thoughts, perhaps Harry was reading his.

Voldemort laughed, the high-pitched laugh, more like a hissing serpent.

"Do you think I do not know about Harry Potter's ability to read my own thoughts, little girl? Of course I do, and I know just how to manipulate Potter, too. Don't you worry about that."

What did he mean, Draco would be here? I wasn't speaking, because I knew I didn't have to. Voldemort would reply to my thoughts.

"Draco's body will be here, it might be of some comfort to you." Voldemort laughed again, and raised his wand in Draco's direction. I felt my mouth drop open as the green jet of light shot out of Voldemort's wand, and headed straight for Draco's chest.

38.

Just then I felt my legs moving in the same direction Voldemort had his wand aimed. My brain was sending signals to my body to reach out, to save Draco, no matter the cost.

'Just get to Draco!'

My mother was screaming in my head, and everything slowed down. I remembered she was dead as I planted my feet directly in front of Draco. I replayed the scene of her murder as my arm brushed across Draco's expressionless face just in time to take the fatal spell, hitting me directly below my stomach. I saw the look on Voldemort's face, unbelieving, and a moment later, cursing.

I thought I was dead. I had to be dead. I knew that spell. I knew what it had done to my mother only hours before it hit me. I saw nothing. No dead relatives, no God. Just blackness, no sound, nothing. But if I was dead, I couldn't still have conscious thoughts, could I?

BOOM!

BOOM!

I sat bolt upright and felt a flurry of hands, and screams coming from everywhere. Someone was pulling on my arm, and when I was able to squint through the heavy smoke, I knew it was Hermione.

"Get her out of here!" Dumbledore's thunderous voice filled the room, and the flashes of light coming from various wands blinded me again, as Hermione pulled me through the room, and outside. I shut my eyes and bent over at the waist, clutching my aching stomach. I was gasping and panting and then

"Oh my God!" Hermione's voice trembled. I opened my eyes, and saw that she was pointing to a spot between my legs. Streaks of brownish blood covered my legs, and I knew what had happened. I knew then, why I wasn't dead. I sucked in my breath, and felt the nausea begin down in the pit of my stomach. I knew I was going to vomit, and a second later, the front of my robes were splashed with the horrible bile.

"Oh-oh-oh-oh." I fell to the ground, and Hermione was beside me instantly, rocking me back and forth.

"Draco, Draco- where is he?" My voice sounded foreign, and I looked desperately at Hermione.

"They're still inside." She said quietly. "Don't worry. Don't worry-it's going to be fine.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. My mother was dead, my unborn child was dead. Draco was probably dead. I didn't give a damn if my father was dead, I hoped he was. Him, and Lucius, and Voldemort. Trying desperately to put off the pain for a little longer, I was struck at that moment with great waves of anger, hatred. I hated them with every fiber in my body. I prayed that they would die, and Draco would live.

Dumbldeore emerged a moment later, heaving himself through the door, and being helped by Harry Potter. I looked behind them for a sign of Draco, but I didn't see him.

"He's dead." Dumbledore said gruffly.

Who was dead? My voice wouldn't work. I couldn't speak. I didn't see Draco, but I didn't see Voldemort either.

Just then I saw a flash of platinum blond hair coming through the door, and I promptly fainted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke nearly ten days later in the Hospital Wing back at Hogwarts. Hermione was on my left. Draco on my right. And, Harry was across the aisle. Voldemort was dead. Nobody thought he was still capable of death, but he was. Dumbledore found out from one of his informants where Volemort was bringing us, after he got to the house, and found my mother dead, and me, Draco, and Narcissa missing. Dumbledore brought Harry, Hermione, and several other members of the Order of the Phoenix to rescue us. Dumbledore killed dad, and Lucius, and Harry killed Voldemort.

Hermione and Harry were still sleeping. Draco turned toward me when he heard movement from my bed. And we laid there on our sides, looking at each other, not speaking. Too much had happened, there were no words. He reached his hand out, and I held it gently. I cried silently, looking into his slate eyes, grieving for my mother, and our baby.

Voldemort was dead. Our father's were dead. We were free. Freedom came with a very high price, though, and neither of us ever forgot the sacrifices and the horror we witnessed just to survive. We were married seven months later, right after graduation. Narcissa was the only family member present.

Fifteen years later, Draco and I are still happy and getting ready to send our oldest daughter, Sara, to Hogwarts. When we were packing her trunk, she asked me how Draco and I met. I omitted certain details, obviously, but delighted her, nonetheless, with a story of antiquated traditions, and arranged marriages.

End.