Wizard Wars: Return of the Auror

Chapter Three: Return Home

Now that he had calmed down, James realised how ridiculously stupid his attempt to just walk out the door like that had been. He couldn't just run down to the airport in the snow, in bare feet, with no coat, no money and no passport and expect to get on a plane. While Reiley booked him a seat on the next flight to Britain over the phone, James quickly threw some things into a duffle bag. It would be a hundred times faster to Apparate than to fly but doing it over such a long distance, especially when you're fifteen years out of practice, would run the very great risk of getting you splinched. He might have chanced it except that the Ministry would have to come and sort him out, which would be the very best way to broadcast his return to the entire wizarding world. Setting up an unauthorised Portkey or taking the Knight Bus wouldn't be much better either. So he had no choice but to take the much slower Muggle transport.

James stuffed as many of his clothes as he could into the bag and rushed downstairs again, only to be told that the soonest flight to Britain was to Glasgow but didn't leave for another three hours. So they just had to wait. Reiley faked a bad case of food poisoning to get the day off work, and they sat in the living room while James filled him in on the details, not because it was really necessary, but to try to distract himself.

"Originally, my best friend Sirius was going to be Secret Keeper..."

"Sirius? Like the star?"

"Focus, Reiley!"

"Sorry."

"Originally Sirius was going to be the Secret Keeper but we switched at the last minute without telling anyone," James agonised.

"Why?"

"We thought Voldemort would probably expect us to use him. And Sirius reckoned we'd stand a better chance if we used our other friend, Peter, because Voldemort would never think of him. Peter was never the bravest of people and not the most reliable when it came to small things, but we never dreamed he'd do something like this. We knew there was a spy in the Order but he was probably the one person who we never considered it to be. We didn't think he had it in him. He was always really passive and just... a follower, I guess. He just sort of hung around and nobody in the Order gave him a second thought. But he was close enough to me and Lily and Dumbledore to know everything that was going on." He paused and stared ahead of him without really seeing anything. "Now that... now that I think about it, he... I can't believe we never suspected him... It was the perfect position for a spy to be in... right in the thick of things but with nobody noticing him... I mean, Voldemort obviously realised it, so why didn't we? Why didn't Dumbledore?"

No one said anything for a moment. Then Reiley, trying to break the uncomfortable silence, said, "But why didn't you tell anyone you'd changed the Secret Keeper?"

"Because we didn't know who the spy was. If everyone thought Sirius was it then that's what the spy would tell Voldemort, and as long as he was after Sirius then Peter was safe and Harry was safe. Don't look like that, it was Sirius's idea, Lily and I didn't force him into it. Sirius went into hiding too."

"But if Dumbledore was head of the Order then why not tell him? You couldn't have suspected him, could you?"

"Of course not. But we only decided on the change at the last minute when we were all gathered to put the charm into effect. Sirius brought Peter with him and suggested it. There was no way to send a message to Dumbledore without risking the Dark Side intercepting it. They can read our letters, we were suspecting that someone might be monitoring the Hogwarts fireplaces - we can talk through... never mind, I'll explain later - and we couldn't send a messenger because there was no one else we could trust to tell him. Sirius and Peter both needed to disappear immediately."

"So Peter betrayed you?"

Storm clouds seemed to gather behind James's eyes. Reiley knew that look, and knew the dark and frightening thoughts that must be going through James's mind. "Yes," he said softly.

"But then... isn't everyone going to think that it was Sirius who betrayed you?"

It took a couple of seconds for what Reiley had just said to sink in. And then James leapt to his feet, knocking a few things off the coffee table in front of him, a look of pure horror upon his face.

"Oh God..." James breathed. "Oh God, you're right... everyone would think that... Dumbledore would think that, h-he'd tell the Ministry about it... Sirius could be in prison or worse..."

He turned towards the door, then back to the sofa, then to the window and back to the door again. He felt completely helpless. He swore badly as he realised there was still another two and a half hours until the flight left.

"Look, why don't you get down to the airport?" Reiley suggested. "You're supposed to get there plenty early anyway. Go through security, sort your luggage out, and then wait there. At least you'll be doing something rather than just sitting around here."

"Yeah, yeah you're right, let's go."

~*~

But it only took twenty minutes to get to the airport and then half an hour to get through security and hand in their luggage. After that they were back to just waiting around. There was a small sandwich bar in the airport where they sat and tried to pass the time. James' stomach wouldn't allow him to eat anything, so he just bought some coffee, which grew increasingly cold without hardly being touched.

"You know, even when I'm on the damn plane I'm only going to be able to wait. For twenty four hours! Why did you have to get a job all the way out here? I should have just risked getting splinched."

"Oh yeah, then you'd be in a much better position than you are now, wouldn't you?"

"At least parts of me would be there quicker."

"Mm, an arm, an eyeball and part of your upper lip."

James gave a weak smile. It was hard. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Finally, after what seemed like ten years, James's flight was announced. Taking a deep, steadying breath, they got up from their seats and made their way to the gate, stopping briefly to buy a book so that James would have something to do on the plane. People were already getting on when they reached the gate.

"Now," said Reiley, turning James to face him, "you're going to call me and let me know what happens, all right? Don't forget me just because you've got your old friends back."

James grinned in spite of himself. "No chance of that, mate." He looked towards the gate and his smile faded. "Reiley... what if they are all dead? What am I going to do? I mean, how am I supposed to cope with that? Come to think of it, what if they are alive? What the hell am I supposed to say? "Hi, honey, I'm home... bit late but oh well." What if Lily's moved on and found someone else? What if Harry doesn't want to know me? What if... what if I go back and everything's changed? It's been fifteen years and if Voldemort's still around then everyone I knew might be gone, he was picking us off one by one. How can I come back here and carry on with this life knowing how things should have been?" He looked at Reiley with despair etched into every inch of his face. "What if I've lost everything?"

For a moment there was silence between them. Finally Reiley said quietly, "What's worse, knowing or not knowing?"

James looked at him for a while. Then he pulled Reiley into a hug. When they broke apart, James took another deep breath.

"Well," he said bracingly. "I guess I'm going back."

Reiley nodded. Slowly, feeling as though he was turning his back on reality, James walked towards the gate.

"Hey!" Reiley called after him. James turned. "Good luck, Adi... I mean, James."

"Adi's fine."

~*~

The flight back to Scotland was one of the worse experiences of James's life. He was completely worn out but he couldn't sleep, his mind was too full of thoughts and worries and regrets. He was starving but his stomach was completely on edge and the thought of eating made him want to throw up. The only thing he could manage to keep down was liquids, and consequently he ended up semi-drunk on vodka, stopping only when the stewardess refused to give him anymore.

There was nothing to look at through the windows because they were travelling through cloud and the view was a solid mass of white and grey. The book he had bought just kept reminding him of everything that was happening and he eventually gave up on it. He tried watching the movie on the screen but it was just some cheesy teen horror film that made him picture all the gruesome ways in which Voldemort might have killed Lily and Harry. When it finished the tape rewound itself back to the beginning and played four more times before someone thought to change it. And then the second movie was about a man who lost his brother and set out to get revenge on his killer.

The hours dragged by. He tried to get comfortable in his seat but it was impossible. A kid behind him kept kicking the back of his seat, babbling nonsense and asking his parents stupid questions.

"Are we there yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why?"

"Because we're flying a long way and the plane can't get there that fast."

"Why?"

"It just can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Why?"

"I don't know everything, Tim."

"Why?"

James had to take a deep breath to stop himself from turning around in his seat and screaming at the boy.

About twelve hours in his body was so numb from sitting down so long that he decided to get up and walk to the bathroom just for the sake of getting his legs moving. He found he had diarrhoea. When he got back the second movie had rewound and started again.

An hour or two later they flew above a storm. Lightning flashed outside the windows and the plane shook as though they were in the middle of an earthquake. Plates and glasses rattled, children screamed, and the person sitting next to James, who clearly hated flying, was clutching the armrests so hard his fingernails were digging into the sponge, and he kept muttering statistics about plane crashes to himself.

After twenty-two hours, James was so tired he could barely move and his insides were aching with hunger. He managed to force down some of the plane food but it tasted terrible. Finally his eyes began to droop. He leaned his head wearily against the wall next to the window and drifted into an uneasy sleep, Lily and Harry weaving in and out of his dreams, crying.

~*~

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be arriving at Glasgow airport. Please make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened for the descent and that you have all your personal belongings with you when leaving the plane. We hope you had a pleasant flight."

James woke with a start in time to hear most of the announcement. Still half asleep, it had taken him a few moments to understand what was going on. Finally, he thought as it dawned on him at last, slumping down in his seat in relief. That was the longest twenty-four hours of my life. Hell, it was longer than the forty-eight that it took for Harry to be born!

Harry... He suddenly remembered why he was coming here. The anxiety that had plagued him throughout the flight suddenly hit him again and he retched, but managed to keep it in. He straightened up and put his seat belt back on with trembling hands. He looked out of the window. It was nearly dark outside, but far below he could see the vast mass of twinkling lights that was Glasgow. A gap in the clouds showed several stars and a half-moon shining so bright it might have been full.

James wondered what had happened to Remus. His despair increased as he thought of all the transformations Remus must have had to go through alone since he last saw him - if he was even still alive.

He shook this thought determinedly from his head as, with another announcement from the stewardess, the plane began its decent. James watched as the city grew nearer, the lights getting bigger and shapes more clearly defined. It had been twelve years since he had been in Britain, and a strange feeling came over James. It really felt like he was coming home. Despite the fear, a small but distinct part of him was feeling a kind of happiness he hadn't felt in a long time.

He could make out the runway below. Finally, with a small bump, the plane's wheels touched down onto solid ground. They drove along the runway for about ten more minutes, fast at first and then slower and slower until they came to a smooth, and greatly welcome, stop.

Grabbing the few things that he had brought onto the plane with him, James unbuckled his seat belt and joined the crowd now thronging the walkway. He wished they'd move faster. His impatience had increased tenfold now that they had landed, and he had a mad desire to run. At last he reached the door and stepped out into the still summer night air. It felt so strange. A day ago he had been surrounded by snow and now it was the middle of summer. He looked at his watch. It was nine o' clock. Back home that would have been nine a.m. Yep, it definitely felt weird.

To his utter dismay, he found a bus waiting outside the plane. That must mean that the exit was too far away to just run. He could almost have cried at that point. The bus seemed to go so slowly that by the time they got out he was sure he had pulled some of his hair out. He ran into the airport, picked up his luggage as quickly as he could, and then hurried towards the exit.

Now he just needed to find a place to Apparate... but Apparate to where exactly? He stopped. He had been so focused on getting back to the U.K. that he hadn't even thought what he was going to do when he got there. He had no idea where Lily and Harry might be if they were alive, or Sirius or Remus or anyone. He stood for a few moments, chewing his bottom lip, thinking. Yes... it was the only place he could go... Making up his mind, he looked around for somewhere secluded where he could Apparate.

He headed for the car park and looked around for the biggest vehicle he could find. There was a white van nearby, and he walked swiftly towards it. Once hidden behind it, he lowered the arm holding his bag, closed his eyes and took another deep breath to try and steady himself. Okay, he thought, focus, James. You remember how to do this. Just concentrate.

Focusing solely on his destination, James felt an invisible wall close in around him, pressing into every inch of him until he could barely breathe. A second later, it had gone. The sounds around him had changed. All was quiet. Peacefully quiet. Breathing heavily in excitement, James opened his eyes.

He was standing on an earth track somewhere out in the country. There were no buildings around him, just trees and grass and dirt. In the distance, he could see a small cluster of lights. Great clouds were obscuring the sky and as he stood there he heard an ominous roll of thunder from somewhere overhead.

After checking himself over to make sure he was still all there, James actually grinned and an amazingly elated feeling came over him, making him forget for a moment everything that had had happened. Slowly, very slowly, he turned around.

In front of him was a giant gateway, flanked by stone pillars, on top of which sat winged boars looking down on him out of blank eyes, like motionless sentries. Beyond them was almost total blackness, but squinting he could just make out the hulking outline of a castle on a hill, all of its windows dark. James's heart was beating very fast now.

He was home.