Speak the Truth, but Leave Immediately After

Speak the Truth, But Leave Immediately After

“Hurry up, dear! They’ll be here any minute!”

“Lily, calm down,” said James bracingly, coming down the stairs as he did up his tie. “It’s not like we’re having royalty over. Just the same people that we’ve known for years and they wouldn’t think any the less of us if the house was full of Streelers.”

Lily sighed and put down the cushion she had been smoothing out for the tenth time. “I know, I know,” she said, turning to face her husband with a guilty look. “I just really want today to go well. It’s our first dinner party as a married couple and I want everyone to see how well we’re doing.”

“They already know that. This isn’t your sister we’re having round, Lily; it’s only the guys and Remus’s new girlfriend. They never expected anything else but for us to do well.”

“The guys, maybe, but Teresa has never been here before and I just want to make a good impression.”

James wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry. This is going to be great. There’s no need to get so panicky.”

Lily smiled up at him and nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, yeah you’re right,” she said, straightening his tie. “I mean, how many times do cushions need to be smoothed out, anyway?”

James laughed at her sincerity and kissed her. Then he let go of her and walked towards the hall. As he reached the door he called back, “Leave the cushion.”

Lily jerked her hand away from it with a small guilty chuckle. Just at that moment, the doorbell rang.

“Oh good lord, they’re here!”

James rolled his eyes as his wife half-ran past him to the front door, convulsively straightening her dress and making sure not one hair on her head was out of place. After taking one more nervous look around to make sure everything was okay, Lily opened the door.

There was a flurry of sound and snowflakes as Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin and his new girlfriend, all bundled up in cloaks and scarves and woolly hats, stepped over the threshold, their cheeks bright pink from the cold and shivering slightly. For several minutes the room was filled with joyful chatter as everyone greeted each other, kissed each other on the cheek, slapped each other on the back and exclaimed over the snow. Sirius had brought a bottle of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky for after dinner. Finally, having taken many coats and accepted many compliments for her hair and dress, Lily guided everyone into the living room. James fell into step beside Sirius.

“She’s been scrubbing, cleaning, polishing, tidying, cooking and planning all day,” he muttered in Sirius’s ear. “So don’t drop so much as a crumb and do exactly as she tells you if you want to avoid carnage.”

They grinned at each other.

The men and Teresa all chatted together for a bit while Lily went to serve the dinner. After a few minutes she came back and announced that it was on the table. The guests all agreed that she had really outdone herself, and Sirius jokingly voiced a suspicion that she and James had secretly acquired a house-elf. Lily looked put out at this, until James assured her that it was meant to be a compliment.

After dinner they all trooped back to the living room, opened the bottle of Firewhisky and settled themselves contentedly on the sofa and chairs, quite happy to sit and do nothing for an hour or so while their bellies deflated. All, that is, except one…

“I’m bored,” Sirius moaned.

“You’re always bored,” said James.

“I can’t help it, I’m an active person.”

“Why don’t we play a game?” suggested Remus.

Everyone agreed that this was a good idea, and all began suggesting their favourites at once. But every suggestion brought a groan from at least one member of the party. Finally, Teresa said, “My friends and I at Hogwarts used to play a truth game.”

“What’s that about?”

“Well, you put everyone’s name in a hat and then picked them out one by one. The person who drew the name out of the hat has to ask the person who’s name it is a question, and they have to answer it truthfully.”

“That could be interesting,” said Sirius, grinning wickedly and making everyone hope to Merlin that he wouldn’t pick their name.

So Lily fetched a bit of parchment, ripped it into six pieces and wrote everyone’s names on them. Then she scrunched them all up and put them in an empty fruit bowl.

“Okay, I’ll go first,” said Lily excitedly (no one dared argue). She picked out a piece of paper. “Okay… Remus.”

Remus rolled his eyes. Lily thought for a moment, and then said, “If you could change one thing about Teresa, what would it be?”

Everyone looked at him inquisitively, and Teresa raised her eyebrows and smiled in a way that said, “Yes, Remus, what would you change about me?”

He chewed on his lower lip and he looked at her for a few moments. Then he said, “I wish she wouldn’t beat me up no matter what I answer to this question.”

Everyone laughed. Teresa punched him on the arm, realised she’d just made his point, and then sat back in her seat pretending to sulk. When everyone had fallen silent again, Lily handed the fruit bowl to Remus, who reached inside and pulled out another piece of paper. After unfolding it, he smiled for a moment before saying, “Sirius.”

“Bring it on!” said Sirius playfully.

Remus considered for a few seconds.

“Okay… out of all the girls you were with at Hogwarts…” everyone grinned at this, “…who was the first one that you actually slept with? Because your answer keeps changing every time someone asks.”

“Does it?” Sirius looked slightly put out.

“Mm. Classic sign of lying, Padfoot,” James smirked.

Sirius sighed. “Okay, you want the truth? Fine. Panita Patil.”

Everyone present gasped.

“Back the broomstick up here!” said James indignantly. “You lie a hundred times about who the first one was, and when we finally find out the truth, it’s someone we didn’t even know you’d been with at all?”

“When was that?” asked Remus, shocked.

Sirius hesitated for a moment, before mumbling something inaudible.

“Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

Sirius sent James an irritated look before saying, slightly louder, “Seventh year. End of.”

Five mouths fell open. Then a grin began to grow on James’s face.

“Hang on… are you saying that Sirius Black, notorious womaniser and extreme boaster of his bedroom exploits, was actually a virgin the whole time?”

“Don’t spread it around.”

“I can’t believe you lied every single time,” said Remus, staring at him.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to ruin my reputation, did I, it was sending a constant stream of girls in my direction.”

“With whom you did absolutely nothing.”

“Not… not nothing. Just… not as much as I said I did.”

“But…” said Peter, looking confused, “if you never slept with any of them, how come they all said you did?”

“I think because they all thought they were the only one who hadn’t got anything, and they didn’t want anyone to think they were a reject.”

Everyone gaped at him, but none more so than Lily and Teresa.

“That’s despicable! You let them think that?”

Sirius shrugged.

Lily and Teresa were looking mutinous, so James quickly suggested that they move on with the game. Remus handed Sirius the fruit bowl and, trying to ignore the still furious glares from the women, Sirius picked out another piece of paper. Upon seeing the name written on it, Sirius grinned almost wickedly. Everyone yet to be picked became suddenly nervous.

“Peter!”

Peter looked abashed. He always had the worst luck. Sirius was clearly choosing his question carefully because he watched Peter for a moment, almost like a dog watching a rabbit. Finally, the grin fired up again, and he said, “What’s that dream you keep having? The one we have to keep hosing you down after that you’ve been having since third year? What – or more importantly, who – is that about?”

James sat up straight in his chair and reflected Sirius’s grin. “Yeah, Peter, what is that dream about?”

Peter looked dismayed at being asked this. He looked for a moment like he was trying to think up a lie, but then remembered that everyone was supposed to be entirely truthful. He couldn’t very well not tell the truth, especially after Sirius did about something that had been such a big part of his life at Hogwarts.

Finally, reluctantly, he looked down at the floor and mumbled, “Okay… it’s about… well, I’m in the astronomy tower.”

“Very romantic,” teased Sirius.

“I’m always working on some kind of homework…”

“Not very romantic.”

“And then she comes in…”

“Who’s ‘she’?”

“I’ll say in a minute. Anyway… she comes in and… her hair’s always reaching right down to her waist, and her face is covered in glitter and… and she’s… she’s wearing… a…”

“Yes?” said James slowly.

“She’s wearing a… or rather several… um… veils.”

Sirius let out a loud bark of laughter that made Peter jump. “Oh my god!” he howled. “It’s the dance of the seven veils, isn’t it?”

Peter went red. James burst out laughing too, and Remus and the girls couldn’t help but snigger into their hands.

“I… I… I’m sorry Peter!” James gasped between laughs, “we’re trying not to laugh, honest we are.”

Sirius, who was sitting next to Peter, clapped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that, Wormtail. No offence meant. So… carry on.”

“Well, that’s it.”

“Oh come on, there has to be more to it than that!” protested James.

“What, you want all the minute details?”

James, Sirius and Remus all said ‘yes’ at the same time that Lily and Teresa said ‘no’.

“Leave him alone, guys,” said Lily disapprovingly.

“Okay, okay, just tell us who it is,” said Sirius.

Peter went even redder. “It’s, um… it’s P… Professor…”

“WHAT?!”

“It’s one of the Professors?” said James incredulously.

“Which one?” demanded Sirius.

“It’s not McGonagall, is it?” said James. Both he and Sirius burst out laughing again, mingled with noises of disgust.

“Leave him alone,” Lily said again, though she too seemed to be fighting a grin.

“Yes, dear.”

“Who is it?” prompted Sirius.

Peter’s answer was almost inaudible. “Professor Sinistra.”

The room exploded with laughter for the third time. Even Lily and Teresa couldn’t help it anymore.

“Well, at least she's young," said Remus at last, once everyone had calmed down. "And it's better than McGonagall."

“Don’t worry, Peter, it’s your turn to pick now, and if you get James you can at least get him back for laughing,” said Teresa.

Peter gave a small smile that seemed to be genuine. He took the fruit bowl from Sirius and fished another name out. It wasn’t James, it was in fact Teresa.

“Okay… have you… ever gotten drunk and done something really stupid?”

“Yes, Teresa,” said Sirius, leaning forward in his seat and giving her a smug smile. “Are you really as well behaved as you seem, or are you in fact just like the rest of us?”

Teresa pulled a face at him and then thought for a moment about her answer.

“Well… in sixth year after the Ravenclaws won that match against Slytherin that put them in the lead for the Cup, they held a big party in the common room. Someone sneaked in some kind of alcohol and everyone from fifth year and up ended up drunk.”

“Wow, Ravenclaws actually do know how to party,” said Sirius, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course. Anyway, after several very strong drinks, I ended up dancing on one of the tables.”

“That’s it? That’s your stupid thing?” James seemed disappointed.

“Dancing topless.”

James and Sirius’s eyes almost bulged out of their heads. Remus was gaping at her as though seeing her in a whole new light.

“You what?” he said slowly.

Teresa blushed and giggled.

“My, my, my, we’re not the little angel we act like after all, are we?” said Sirius teasingly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just stop staring at my breasts, Sirius. My turn to pick a name now.”

She took the fruit bowl from Peter. There were only two pieces of paper left now. She pulled one out, unfolded it and read the name with a broad smile.

“James.”

“Doh!”

“Is there anything big that you’ve done that Lily doesn’t know about?”

Lily looked highly interested. James looked up at the ceiling.

“Oh my, so many things to choose from!”

Lily slapped him on the arm and he laughed. He thought for a few moments, and then grinned.

“Okay, I’ll confess. On my stag night, needless to say, we got extremely drunk.”

“I thought you seemed a little hung over at the wedding,” said Lily, not sounding in the least surprised. “But then I expected nothing less with Sirius as your best man.”

Everyone sniggered, including Sirius.

“You should have seen me in the morning, I couldn’t even stand up,” laughed James, exchanging a look with Sirius, who laughed too. Lily shook her head.

“Anyway, the night before, after Remus and Peter left, Sirius and I kept on drinking…”

“You promised you were going to go straight home!” said Remus reprovingly.

“We did. We just stopped at an all-night off-licence on the way.”

They both laughed again.

“But after an hour or two we decided that technically we wouldn’t be breaking our promise if we went out again,” said Sirius.

“So we did. And, er… we kind of, um…” James was trying not laugh. “Well, Sirius thought it would be funny if we, er… went down to the Ministry and… and changed our names.”

This time, everyone let out a snort of laughter. Everyone, that is, except Lily, who stared at her husband.

“What?”

“We gave ourselves Indian names after our animal forms,” said Sirius. “I was Mr Chasestaillikecat.”

“When did you get them changed back?”

James blushed slightly. “Um… when we got back from our honeymoon.”

Lily’s jaw dropped. “WHAT?”

“That’s right,” said Sirius proudly. “You spent the first two weeks of your marriage as Mrs Groanslikeconstipated.”

There was a burst of laughter from the entire room – except Lily. She was looking mutinous. James noticed, and all traces of amusement vanished from his face.

“I’ll be sleeping down here tonight, won’t I?”

Lily nodded grimly.

-fin-