My Everything: The Hermione Monologues

Thank you: A huge thank you goes to Plumeria for her beta and her support and encouragement. Without her, these monologues would never have seen the light of day.

It's time to go home.

Harry's waiting for me. He's been waiting for me for sixty years, and I know I'm close to finally being reunited with him.

I'm sad to be leaving Ron behind. We celebrated our fifty-third anniversary two months ago, and we both know I'm not going to make it to see our fifty-fourth. Ron has accepted my impending death with the grace and understanding he's shown throughout our entire marriage. He knows I'm going home to be with Harry, and he told me last night he's grateful I stayed so long here on Earth with him.

I don't want to leave him. I know he'll grieve deeply for me, and it saddens me to think I'll cause him any hurt. He deserves nothing but happiness. I hope I have made him happy all these years; I hope that I was able to show him enough how much I love him, and how much he means to me. Ron Weasley is a good man - no, he's a wonderful man - and I know that I never deserved his love. Because he never had mine, unconditionally. He knows he was never the only man I loved.

I feel so blessed to have earned the love of two good men. Who would have thought, all those years ago, that three eleven-year-olds trying to find their place in the world would become so important to each other? Would play such a big role in each other's lives? I know when I first laid eyes on them - Ron with his fiery red hair, glaring at me in annoyance for interrupting, and Harry sitting quietly in the corner, trying to remain inconspicuous - that I could never possibly have imagined how dear those two boys would become to me. How much I would grow to love them both. How they would be responsible for giving me three of the greatest joys in my life - my children. How I would play the role of wife and lover to both.

When I married Harry, playing the same role in Ron's life wasn't something I ever considered. Why would I have? I had married my soul mate, whom I would stay with until we both got old and wrinkly, then when the day arrived, we would both go together.

But when I lost Harry, my world shattered. Everything I held so dear had been destroyed by the thoughtless actions of a Muggle. I also held Harry responsible. How dare he leave me? How dare he just go and die when I carried the product of our love?

I never thought I'd find any acceptance in Harry's death. My rage threatened to consume me - until Ron stepped in and helped ease the pain. He never told me to stop feeling what I did. He was just there. Holding my hand as I pushed Harry's baby into the world, then holding me tight as the grief overwhelmed me on occasion and I broke down.

Marrying Ron was the second best decision I've ever made in my life. Marrying Harry was the first.

But I'm tired now. I'm tired of living without him. He's waiting for me, like he has been for all these years. I can no longer deny that I'm welcoming the crossover from life to something else. I've lived a long and wonderful life. And I've been lucky enough to experience the kind of love they say you only find once if you're lucky - twice.

We've discussed the arrangements. Ron knows what type of funeral I want, and that I want to be buried next to Harry. Ron, when he comes to join us, will be buried on the other side of me. Proving that, even in death, the three of us could never bear to be apart.