Harry Potter and the Shadow War

Chapter 8 - Confessions

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were sitting on the floor in the eating area of Delenn's suite, discussing their options. Delenn and Lennier had withdrawn so that the four of them could speak freely.

"I'm not really sure how much use we can be," said Ginny. "I'd like to help, of course, but I doubt that Bat-Bogey Hexes and Cheering Charms are going to be much use in this situation."

"Not only that," agreed Harry, "but we're also limited by what spells we can remember and those few books we managed to bring."

Hermione was busy searching through the book on counterjinxes that had served as Ron and Harry's Portkey.

"Why are you all so eager to risk your lives to help people we hardly know?" asked Ron at last. "Are you all jumping on board with Harry's 'saving people thing?'"

At this, Hermione looked up from her book, eyes flashing dangerously.

"It's more than that, Ron, and you know it," she said. "Maybe we don't know them well, but they don't know us either, and they took us in when they didn't have to. I think we owe them something."

"Maybe," continued Ron stubbornly, "but does it have to be this drastic? I mean, are we really going to just get on board some spaceship and go to battle with God-knows-what?"

"Why not?" Ginny challenged. "It's not like we haven't done it before. Well, except for the spaceship part. Besides, maybe fighting the Darkness here will help us to do it back home."

"But that's the point, isn't it?" Ron replied, jumping to his feet. "I just want to find a way home. Is that so wrong? Can't we even debate this before we jump into the dragon's mouth?"

"I think we are," Harry murmured, but he was ignored by all but Ginny, who only looked at him helplessly.

"Why must you always be so obstinate, Ron?" Hermione retorted, standing also. "Just because the rest of us think it's a good idea, you have to oppose it."

"That's not true! I just think we should give it a little thought, that's all!"

They were at it again, Harry thought. He had tuned it out by the time the argument descended into name-calling, but a new voice caught his attention.

"Enough." It was Delenn. She had approached unnoticed, no doubt drawn by the shouting. Her voice was not loud, but its tone was sharp, and Harry had the impression that she was accustomed to being obeyed. For the first time, she reminded him a little of Professor McGonagall. The two combatants stopped their fight immediately and turned to her in surprise. Harry and Ginny got to their feet.

"I have been speaking with your friends," Delenn continued, "and we have agreed that this behavior cannot continue."

She looked at Harry and Ginny significantly. Harry didn't know what to do, but Ginny took the cue.

"She's right," she said. "It's been going on far too long. We want you two to tell each other how you really feel."

Ron and Hermione shifted their gaze to Harry and Ginny, both looking startled and even a bit frightened.

"What-what do you mean?" stammered Ron, beginning to turn red.

"You know perfectly well what we mean," replied Harry firmly. "You are going to stand there and say nice things about each other."

"I don't think you'll have too much difficulty," Ginny added dryly.

Harry reflected for a moment that this was beginning to look something like an old-fashioned duel. Ron and Hermione were standing facing each other, several paces apart. Harry stood beside Ron like his second, while Ginny was Hermione's second. Delenn was the moderator, trying to make certain that the rules of engagement were observed.

"I want Ron to go first," said Hermione stubbornly.

"Harry, I can't do this," whispered Ron, turning to Harry with a panicked expression. The color had now drained from his face, and his freckles stood out starkly against the white skin.

"Yes, you can. We aren't leaving this spot until you do. Just - start with something small."

Ron swallowed, and then took a deep breath. He didn't look at Hermione, but he did manage to speak.

"Er-Hermione, I was really impressed second year when you actually advocated breaking school rules to make the Polyjuice Potion. Good job brewing it, too."

"During the giant chess game in first year, when you sacrificed yourself so that Harry and I could continue on, I thought that was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen anyone do," said Hermione. In her typical, logical fashion, she seemed to be selecting events in chronological order. At her words, some color came back to Ron's face, and he straightened up to his full height.

"It was really brilliant the way you smacked Malfoy that time in third year," he said, gaining confidence. "I reckon you wouldn't have done, if it weren't for the stress of taking so many classes and all, but it was great! I even forgot to be angry with him!"

Hermione looked down but took a step towards him.

"I do appreciate your trying to defend me to Malfoy in second year, the first time he called me, well, you know. Even though I didn't really know what he meant, and even though it didn't work out so well."

"Didn't work out well? I was burping slugs for a day and a half!" Ron paused. "I'm sure I'd do it again, though. I have my own reasons to hate Malfoy, of course, but somehow, when he insults you, I lose all control and act like a complete idiot. I know it's stupid. You're a lot more capable than I am, but I still feel this insane need to protect you."

Ron shrugged and fell silent. Hermione just looked at him for a moment, a soft expression in her eyes. Ron had been looking down, but as the silence continued, he raised his eyes and met her gaze. Something seemed to pass between them. Then Ron took a step forward and broke eye contact.

"I'll never forget the way you stood up to Sirius Black in third year," said Hermione at last. "You thought he was a murderer, and you must have been in terrible pain from that broken leg, but you defied him anyway. That was...amazing."

Harry winced a little at the mention of Sirius. He still wasn't over his death.

Ron took one more step towards Hermione, looking more confident but still nervous.

"You looked really pretty at the Yule Ball," he said. "I'm sorry I never told you."

"Thank you," Hermione whispered, and she looked as though she were trying not to cry. She took a step forward so that they were now fairly close to each other.

Harry was becoming distinctly uncomfortable with the turn this conversation was taking. Desperately, he looked over at Delenn, catching her eye. She nodded first to him, then to Ginny. As she then began to withdraw from the room, Harry took that as a cue to exit. He and Ginny followed Delenn to the kitchen.

***

Ron didn't know why he'd put this day off so long. It was really going quite well. Hermione hadn't slapped him or walked away yet, which had to be a good sign.

"I'm really sorry I missed that last Quidditch match last year," Hermione said. "I didn't know what would happen, and Hagrid is so hard to say no to..."

"You and Harry already apologized for that," Ron reminded her, interrupting. "Besides, if we do get home, there will hopefully be more of them."

"I know. I just...would like to have been there to see it, that's all."

There was silence. Ron still had one confession to make, and it was more difficult than all the others. He didn't know if he'd ever get another opportunity like this, though, so he had to say it. He focused on a point over Hermione's head as he worked himself up for what he was about to say.

"I'm sorry I've been such a prat about Viktor Krum," he said at last. "Of course, you can write to whomever you like. I was just..." it took all of his Gryffindor courage to allow him to finish the sentence "...jealous."

Whatever Ron might have expected Hermione's reaction to be at this admission, it was definitely not what actually happened. Hermione cried, "Oh, Ron," and quickly closed the short distance between them, throwing her arms around his waist and burying her face in his chest. She said what sounded like two more syllables, but they were muffled by his clothing. Ron stood there for a moment, nonplussed, then instinctively wrapped his arms around her.

"Sorry?" he said. "I didn't catch that last bit." Hermione turned her head to the side to free her mouth for speech.

"I said, 'I know,'" she repeated, and Ron was astonished to find that she was crying. "Isn't that awful? I knew you were jealous, and I just let it go on. I mean, I never actually said there was anything between Viktor and me, but I didn't come out and say there wasn't, either. I just let you jump to conclusions..."

The words had all come out in a rush. Ron's mind was frantically struggling to process what had just been said. Although it could see up to five moves ahead on a chessboard, it tended to lag behind in this sort of situation. Ron also had added distractions at the moment, such as the contours of Hermione's body pressed against his. He kept having to remind himself to breathe. He began thinking aloud.

"You...wanted me to be jealous?" he asked. This triggered another storm of words from Hermione.

"Y-yes. I hated myself for it, but once I'd started, I didn't know how to stop. And, God help me, I even enjoyed it some of the time. I'm so sorry."

Ron thought this over for a little while. Then he looked down at her.

"Hermione, look at me," he said quietly. Reluctantly, she raised her tear-streaked face towards him. Seeing the fear in her eyes tore at his heart. Still, he had to finish this. They were so close to something important.

"Why?" he asked. He was beginning to think he knew the answer, but he needed to hear her say it.

"Because...I was hoping...oh, it was stupid!" She couldn't meet Ron's eyes, but he continued to gaze at her steadily, his heart pounding madly. At last, Hermione finished, "I just wanted you to tell me that you wanted me."

"I do want you," said Ron without thinking. He blushed almost immediately, but he wasn't about to take it back, not now.

"I - thank you," said Hermione meekly, wiping her face with one hand. Then she looked up into his face. "You're-you're not angry?"

Ron merely raised his eyebrows at her. Hermione giggled in spite of herself.

"Right. Silly question," she said. And she was right. Ron Weasley was never this calm when he was angry.

"I suppose I ought to be," Ron said, "but I'm not. Actually, I think it's rather brilliant."

"How's that?"

"Well, think about it," answered Ron, grinning. "If I can make the ever-logical Hermione Granger act irrationally, that's really something, isn't it?" Hermione smiled but wasn't ready to let it go just yet.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked. "For - for hurting you? I never meant to."

"There's nothing to forgive," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I've hurt you, too. I know I have, and if you've been feeling anything like I have, I think I understand. It's...scary."

"I know. Me, too," replied Hermione in a barely audible whisper. Ron was losing himself in the depths of her dark eyes. Some of her abundant hair had fallen into her face, and he reached out to push it back. His hand was trembling, and a shock went through it as he touched her. Hermione closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, just a little. Breathe, he thought to himself. Damn. When had she gotten so beautiful? Had she changed, or had he? Maybe a little of both. When she opened her eyes again, he suddenly felt a rush of warmth and anticipation. Anticipating...what? He thought frantically, but before he could figure it out, the moment passed. Hermione seemed a little disappointed as she looked away quickly. Ron had a distinct feeling that he had missed something. He felt the need to break the silence.

"Hermione?" he began, and she gazed at him again. "Whatever happens, I don't want to go back to the way things were. The fighting, the misunderstandings."

"I can't promise we won't fight."

"I know, but let's just try to stop before either of us gets really upset."

"And apologize if we do go too far."

"Right."

He pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head.

"I was wrong," Ron said finally. "You can feel four things at once without exploding. You just want to explode."

Hermione was silent for a few moments. At last, she responded.

"I'm sorry about what I said to you that night. I was wrong, too."

A little later, Hermione stepped regretfully away from him, and Ron tried not to think about how cold he suddenly felt.

"I suppose we ought to tell the others they can come back. All right, everyone," she called out. "It's safe to come in."

***

Meanwhile, Delenn, Harry, and Ginny stood in the kitchen area, waiting for Ron and Hermione to conclude their conversation. Ginny peeked at them now and again, curiosity apparently overcoming her sense of propriety. Harry stood resolutely with his back to that part of the quarters.

"I wonder if they'll fight less now," Harry mused.

"Oh, I don't know," replied Ginny. "I doubt it will stop completely. They're both stubborn as anything, which is bound to lead to some arguments. Besides, they might even find that they enjoy fighting with each other."

"That's ridiculous!" exclaimed Harry incredulously. "Why would anyone enjoy having a row?" Ginny looked at him pityingly.

"So they can make up afterwards," she said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh. Oh! Eww," Harry said, catching on at last. "Did you really have to mention that? This is my two best friends we're talking about!"

"How do you think I feel?" laughed Ginny, wrinkling her nose. "One of them just happens to be my nearest brother. And the other is a friend who tells me all of her 'girl stuff,' so I'm likely to hear about practically everything."

Ginny sighed dramatically and looked to the ceiling in a mock pose of martyrdom. Harry laughed in spite of himself.

"You're right," he admitted. "You do have the worst of it. I'm sure I'll be hearing stuff from Ron, too, but at least I'm not related to either of them."

"Oh, well, it's bound to be better than having them pining after each other. I got both sides of that, and I bet you did, too."

"Not really," Harry disagreed. "Ron never came right out and said anything to me, although I did have to deal with some of his jealous fits when Hermione was writing another long letter to Viktor Krum. Hermione didn't talk to me about it at all. So, other than the constant arguing, I wasn't that affected."

"Ah yes, the sexual tension," said Ginny knowingly. Harry was shocked at her casual use of the word, and he felt himself growing warm.

"The-the what?" he managed through his embarrassment.

"I am not familiar with this phrase," added Delenn. "What does it mean?"

"It's used in Muggle literature all the time," said Ginny, blushing a little in her turn. "When two people are attracted to each other but want to hide it, they create sexual tension between themselves. This can show itself in many ways, but a common one is for them to fight a lot over silly things."

"How very strange," said Delenn. "Humans are indeed fascinating. Every day, I find there is more to learn of them."

"But you are half human, aren't you?" asked Harry, grateful for a change of topic.

"Yes, but physical transformation does not replace cultural experience. Inside, I still feel like a Minbari."

That made sense. The three of them continued to compare cultures (Muggle, wizard, and Minbari) until they heard Hermione call out to them.