Twisted Love

Chapter 3: Nightmares and Magnets

It was quiet, eerie even, when Severus streaked across the empty, cold common room and straight to the dark entrance that led to his dormitory. Obviously, most Slytherins didn't prefer to stay at Hogwarts, which was an easily despised place as they didn't think much of the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. And the fact that Slytherins who stayed during the holidays were widely recognized as 'pathetic losers with nowhere decent to go' didn't help, either.

But none of this emptiness mattered to Severus; in fact, it rather pleased him. The silence as he entered the room, normally occupied by three other fifth years, held a peaceful and relaxing atmosphere. Even the bed, neatly made by the house elves, was welcoming him in a quiet way. Severus dropped his stack of books on the bed and began to rip off his clothes, which fell in a pool around his feet.

After a shower, he returned to his bed, feeling warm and fresh in his gray pajamas. As he removed the books and tumbled into his covers, feeling happy for the first time that day, his mind drifted to the scene earlier in the library. Just the thought of Lily Evans was enough to make him curl his upper lip in distaste. To him, she was just a Mudblood who, with all the other filthy Mudbloods in school, didn't belong here, not at all. And to top it off, she was a Gryffindor. The perfect finishing touch, he thought disgustedly. No one, not even from Slytherin, hated the Gryffindors more than he did.

When the thought of a certain raven-haired boy popped into his head, Severus' mouth tightened into a thin line and he seethed. An uncontrollable wave of rage crashed over him and made him cold all over. What he wouldn't give to strangle Potter's scrawny neck right now...it didn't even have to be this particular moment, just so he could watch him die a slow and painful death. Avada Kedavra was too good and quick for a git like Potter.

He remembered, fists clenching and unclenching, the shock and disappointment when he heard that Potter was staying this year. As if making his school life absolute hell wasn't enough, his enemy had decided to ruin his holidays, too. The wild swirl of wrath reached to a point where Severus couldn't bear it anymore. Cursing under his breath, he threw back the covers and stood, barefoot, next to the pile of books that were clumsily cluttered on the floor. He scanned the mess but met no sign of the object that he was looking for.

"Oh, shit," grumbled Severus as he dropped to his knees and began to grope for his diary. He began tossing heavy library books and occasionally pieces of clothing aside, but to his dismay, found nothing.

It took a few more minutes of frantic, fruitless searching to convince the horrified Slytherin that his diary was missing. His face now sickeningly pale, he mind flashed back to all the stuff he had written in it; his furious rant about the most evil hexes to use on Potter (this was highly helpful when he was feeling particularly enraged about the Gryffindor, equivalent to that night), snide comments about other people he hated, weary complaints, and...the ugly truth...

The truth, he reminded himself again, too horror-stricken to even breathe. He knew how much of his heart he had poured into the little black book; it was an old friend, his only friend, for that matter. Sure, he talked to some of the other Slytherins, like Lucius Malfoy, but they didn't know the truth, and he'd planned to keep it that way.

Severus' stomach lurched painfully; the diary, carelessly slipped into the middle of the book stack, must have gone flying when he had crashed into Evans. Her name now sent him into a fit of blinding fury as he recalled the incident.

"Calm down," he muttered to himself, trying to keep a cool head. "It'll be still be there. Of course it will." He didn't really feel reassured, but it was enough to clear his head. He even relaxed, when he thought about it more carefully. The library had been nearly empty and if he hadn't seen it, then it was likely that no one else had. Satisfied with his reasoning and feeling a bit better, Severus quickly dressed and slipped out of the room.

There was only one way to find out if the diary was still there.

*

"Oh, Lily, you look awful," Crystal cried out in alarm when she caught sight of her friend's face. She was right, indeed; Lily's normally rosy cheeks were ghostly pale, there were black circles underneath her eyes, and her face had a haunted, tired look that suggested she had gotten little, if not none, sleep last night. "Did you have nightmares?"

"Nightmares," Lily echoed in a strange, hollow voice. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. Even more alarmed, Crystal rushed to her side, her long blonde hair flying behind her. She put an arm around Lily and guided her back to the bed, where both of them sat down.

Crystal's blue eyes were filled with concern. "Was it bad?" she asked uncertainly as she stared at the silent tears streaking from Lily's eyes. "Do you - do you want to talk about it?"

"No," whispered Lily, her green eyes still filled with that horrible haunted look. She looked away, refusing to say anymore on the subject.

Crystal bit her lower lip anxiously, but didn't press on. Instead, she patted Lily's hand comfortingly and murmured, "It's OK, it's over now."

"No, it isn't." Lily's voice was emotionless, but Crystal could feel her friend's body shivering all over. "I'm afraid it's just starting."

*

Reading the diary was probably the stupidest thing Lily did. If she had any idea that she would regret it so much, she wouldn't even have touched it. But, as usual, her curiosity was more than she could bear, and she had ended up secretly reading the whole thing long after her friends were safely in bed.

Snape's small writing had led to some disturbing facts that had jostled her mind so much, she had been haunted all night by nightmares. She tossed and turned in bed, unable to fall into deep, calm sleep, smothered by a sinking horrible feeling that meant guilt. She now understood why Snape was always alone and miserable; if she'd gone through all that he had (she shuddered at the thought), she would have hated the world too. She felt terribly and sickeningly sorry for Snape; he had so many ghastly memories. No wonder he hated his family...probably the reason he chose to stay instead of going home...

While she was deep in thought and didn't even acknowledge her buttered toast and eggs, Crystal and Olivia traded concerned looks. On the way to breakfast, Crystal had hurriedly whispered what happened earlier that morning to Olivia, who had been in the Owlery at that time. They had both agreed that Lily was not herself, not at all. A fact that greatly worried them.

They weren't the only ones who were concerned about Lily. James had noticed the moment she walked into the Great Hall that she was unusually pale and tired. He was itching to walk over to her seat and ask what was the matter, but he had a feeling that this was a bad idea.

Just then, he caught sight of someone making his way stiffly toward the Gryffindor table. James nudged Sirius; they both twisted around their seats to eye Snape, identical smirks slowly rising. James had absolutely no idea why the greasy haired Slytherin was daring to come near the Gryffindors, but he knew for sure that he couldn't miss out on an opportunity like this.

"Did you sleep well, Snivellus?" James asked smoothly, his wand stretched out lazily as he walked. Sirius was close behind him, a look of amusement flickering in his haughty face.

Snape had pointedly ignored the whispers and glares from Gryffindors, in a furious attempt to get to Evans, who, he was sure by now, had snatched up his possession with her dirty hands. But the sound of his loathed enemy was enough to make him stop in his tracks and turn quickly, his wand whipped out. James was too quick for him though; a swiftly murmured "Expelliarmus!" later, Snape's wand flew out of his hand. Everyone at the Gryffindor table snorted with laughter as the Slytherin fumbled for his fallen wand. Sirius' laughter was louder than anyone else's.

James grinned and muttered a spell that instantly made Snape, who was in the act of picking up his wand, slide to the wall behind him and pin him there. People sniggered even louder when Snape, in a desperate attempt to get to his wand, which was only a few feet away from his reached out hands, tried to stand up, only to crash back against the wall, like the attraction between the North and South poles of two magnets. He bit his lip so hard, he tasted blood, and he threw James a look so deadly that a few people watching felt a shiver running along their spines.

"Leave him alone," someone yelled indignantly. The laughter faded as Lily Evans, a grim look on her pale face, walked firmly between Snape and James. James' smirk vanished quickly as he stared astonishingly at the redhead, who was flashing him a look of deep loathing that made him feel sick. Snape's dark eyes had also widened.

"What?" Sirius wore an incredulous expression. He shot a look at James, but his best friend was rooted to the spot, speechless.

Lily's chin quavered slightly but she turned her defiant glance at an open-mouthed Sirius. "You heard me," she said coldly. Then, without waiting for a response, she turned around and muttered, "Finite Incantatem." The invisible, springy cord strapping Snape to the wall seemed to have disappeared, as he was able to stand up grudgingly, his piercing eyes on Lily the whole time.

Meanwhile, James was still eyeing at Lily, looking as she'd slapped him, hard. But he quickly recovered and stared daggers at Snape. The Slytherin stared back with equal amount of hatred. "Why - are - you - defending - him," James spat out, his anger directed at Snape. He found it very hard to get the words out.

Everyone was waiting for Lily's reply. For a moment, she was completely miserable, lost. She wasn't sure of the reason herself. She thought about how enraged she felt when she was snapped out of her lifeless state by the sounds of people sniggering cruelly, when her eyes held the gruesome sight. Maybe it was guilt that made her furious to see Snape tormented; maybe it was because of the horrible pity she'd felt when she learned the ugly truth about how miserable both his home life and school life were. Or maybe... Stop it. She shuddered at the new, uncomfortable maybe.

"You are a worthless scum," Lily hissed, her green eyes directly upon James.

Peter let out an outraged squeak and Remus firmly got in front of Sirius, whose dark eyes were flashing with anger. Only James stayed undisturbed, his expression not even changing. "That," he said calmly, "doesn't answer my question."

"Oh yes it does, perfectly," Lily shot back, pointedly turning her back, "and you know it." Snape had his arms folded, a cold, calculating look writhing in his coal-black eyes. He was far from happy. With a deep breath, she said in a low voice to him, "Meet me in the library. I - I have something to tell you."

"Of course you have," Snape gritted out. He snapped up his wand, threw all of them a look of deep loathing, especially at James, and burst out of the room in blinding fury.

All eyes now turned to Lily. Sirius was about to make an angry comment when Olivia, quickly abandoning her seat, ran over to her friend's side and put a protective arm around her. "We - uh - have to go," she muttered and, joined by a hasty Crystal, the two of them started dragging Lily out the Great Hall.

James' brows were still furrowed from deep thought. When he reached to a sickening, most obvious conclusion, he shook his head. "That's impossible," he breathed.

"What is?" asked a senseless first year, eagerly.

The black-haired fifth year glared down at the mousy boy, towering over him. The first year let out a squeak, truly resembling a mouse now, and cowered. James rolled his eyes, turned, and walked over to his three friends, who were staring at him expectantly. No one spoke for a while. Then Remus summed up what they were all thinking.

"Things are getting bad to worse, aren't they."

*