Comedy/Tragedy: The Story of a Doomed Existence

Chapter Twenty-Five: The Truth About Moonlight

Lily spent the winter holidays in a morose state. Despite the comments of those around her, their attempts to cheer her had little if any effect. Of course, Lily was very touched by what Alice had said, but, whenever Lily approached her with the intentions of discussing what had happened, the round-faced girl refused to so much as look at her. It was as if what had occurred in the dormitory hadn't at all. Lily wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or not.

All in all, Lily did not enjoy her break from school. She hadn't so much as lit a candle in honor of Chanukah, which was a first, but the fact remained that she just hadn't been in the mood for any festivities. She couldn't go outside because the snow had become slushy and wet. The blizzards that pounded the school's windows were not the sort of gales that students were allowed out in.

In a last attempt to cheer Lily up, Remus pulled her into a corner one evening, when James and Sirius were occupied elsewhere ('elsewhere' being defined as hanging homemade, temperamental, exploding Christmas lights from the ceiling, but Lily and Remus were all too grateful to pretend that they didn't know what their friends were doing).

"Okay, Lily, I know what you are upset about and I know that there isn't really anything that will make you feel any better. I'm not trying to cheer you up again -"

Au contraire, Lily thought, but she refrained from commenting.

" - but I want to tell you this in the hopes that I can get your mind onto something else. I know that I refused to tell you anything else about my being a werewolf, but I will."

Despite herself, Lily felt almost as though her ears were perking up in interest. Remus is the werewolf, not me, she told herself derisively, commenting on the ear movement she thought she was experiencing.

Curiously, her current depression had sparked frequent conversations with herself. She jumped out of her own mind so as to listen better to the yarn Remus was preparing to spin.

"I was bit when I was a little boy. By a male werewolf in Sherwood Forest, which is near where my family lives. I was so foolhardy...we were picnicking there, my family, and I wandered off. I don't remember how old I was, but I couldn't have been more than three or four. It's my earliest and worst memory. I got lost and night fell quickly. I was scared when I saw them. If I had run right away, then I would not have been bitten. But they fascinated me too, the werewolves. So I stayed where I was, I let them approach me. I think I came to my senses at the last moment, but the pack was already on to my scent and my running only sparked the joy of the hunt into them. How do I know what this 'joy of the hunt' is? Because I've felt it. I've chased a little boy too, and I've probably bit one."

He fell silent for a moment. Lily immediately felt incredibly sorry for him, not to mention annoyed that he was reliving this for her benefit.

"Remus, you don't need to tell me this," she told him kindly.

"Lily, don't take this the wrong way, but kindly shut up. I need to tell someone this, and I've picked you, so please don't complain about it. You said that you wanted to know - I'm telling you."

Slightly stung by his remarks, but pleased that he trusted her so, Lily shut up and listened attentively to what Remus had to say.

"As soon as they knew I was a werewolf, my family tried just about everything to cure me. It cost us not only money, but also my uncle and aunt, who left our house because they refused to associate with a werewolf. I'm not human to them. And I don't know, maybe they're right. Am I human, Lily? Are werewolves human?"

"Yes." Lily didn't have to hesitate a second. She was rewarded by a smile from her friend, though his amber eyes remained distant and hurt by the pain of his childhood.

"My mother and father continued to try to find a solution, but as to curing me, it was hopeless. None of the strange herbal remedies my mother concocted did anything, and the intensive course in self-control my father preached to me didn't do anything, since werewolves aren't in control of themselves. I would know," he mumbled softly.

"Instead," he continued, "we settled on taking me to a place where I would set no one in danger. We were lucky to live so close to the forest, because my father could take me there the afternoon before the full moon, so that I could transform in an uninhabited place, and therefore put no one in harm's way. Of course, there were always a few foolish people camping or hiking there, and my werewolf self chased and bit more than one." He hung his head in shame.

Lily reached out haltingly and patted him on the arm, albeit awkwardly, but at least it was a gesture of kindness. Remus smiled at her again before continuing.

"My father thought that there was no way I would be accepted to Hogwarts. And understandably - what were they supposed to do to protect the students from a boy who turned into a fully-fledged monster once a month? They could hardly set me loose in the Forbidden Forest; though students aren't allowed out during the night, let alone to the forest itself, there will always be people who break rules and there was no guarantee that I would stay wherever they wanted me to, anyways."

It struck Lily as a little ironic that Remus had, in fact, become best friends with the worst pair of troublemakers in the school, not to mention the two who would be most likely to plan a day trip - or, on second thought, a night trip - somewhere where there would be lots of danger and broken rules.

"So, of course, we were all both surprised and worried when I got my acceptance letter. Was Dumbledore going to put that many students in danger? But there was another letter included. A thick one. I was nervous when we opened it, very nervous."

Lily felt nervous just listening to Remus tell of it.

"But the letter explained how Albus Dumbledore, the rather alternative-thinking headmaster of Hogwarts, sympathized with me. He said that I deserved a magical education as much, if not more, than the other students. They were putting in a Whomping Willow at the school, a tree that would prevent all from nearing it unless you pressed a knot on its trunk - which, of course, you couldn't reach because you couldn't get that near. You'd have to use a jet of light from your wand or a loose branch. But no one would figure that out."

Lily agreed.

"Anyway, through some of the tree's roots is the entrance to a tunnel, a tunnel leading into Hogsmeade through a building called the Shrieking Shack. It's supposed to be haunted, but it's only me there. Because that's Dumbledore's plan. The evening before the full moon, someone escorts me down there. I go through the tunnel and into the Shrieking Shack, which is where I will transform. Because there is no one there for me to bite or chase, I hurt myself. It wasn't like that in the forest at home; I could run to get out my violent nature. But not in the Shrieking Shack; it's too tiny. So I scratch and bite myself. That's why my hair is sometimes gone after the full moon. That's why I have sores and bites on my arms. That's why I look so awful at the beginning of every month."

"Dumbledore said you should do that?" Lily exclaimed angrily. "Why everyone thinks he is so great, I will never know. Staffing people like Dulcissa and Hurley, ordering that a boy injure himself, -"

"Dumbledore is a great man," Remus interrupted, his voice rising in anger. "Don't judge him on that. Don't you realize how many changes he wants to make here? Your stupid Quidditch campaign is what he's been trying to achieve for years. He's already made it so that the Muggle-Hating Club was stopped. He fired Professor Gruemoss because of the man's horrible treatment of the creatures they studied in Care of Magical Creatures. He has been letting in anyone and everyone who deserve to learn magic. So don't judge what you don't know. He is a great man."

The boy fell silent. Lily stared at him, slightly openmouthed. She hadn't known that Remus liked the headmaster so much, and she felt guilty of the dislike she herself had held for nearly the entire year.

"I'm - sorry -" she stammered.

"Dumbledore is trying his best to change the school, but it is a long and difficult process because many of the older Wizarding families, Slytherin-based sects in particular, oppose any change just because it is change," Remus sighed, running his hands through his hair. Lily was struck by how much older than eleven he seemed, and not just in maturity or vocabulary.

His voice was no longer angry, he was just explaining. Lily shut her mouth. She let a few moments pass in silence punctuated only by soft bangs as James and Sirius set off their holiday lights before opening her mouth again.

"Remus - thanks for telling me this," she spoke softly. "You didn't have to, and I really appreciate the kindness. It was both selfless and kind of you to distract me from ...other things. You're right if you think that trying to cheer me up won't help me to feel better. And no, I'm not trying to draw attention back to myself and whatever is ailing me at the moment. I would hope that you know me better than that. And also, please keep in mind that I'm your confidante in this area of concern. If you ever need to talk, ever need help with anything, ever just need someone to sit with who knows and is trying to understand, or if you ever just need a friend, I'll be there."

She bent down and gave him an awkward one-armed hug. Somehow this felt a reason to blush, so she drew back quickly, gave him a little nod, and retreated across the common room.

As she passed him, James glared at her and then stomped past angrily. Sirius shrugged his shoulders in a mixture of confusion and lack of care as Lily passed him. Lily grinned at him; they were on the same page in this concern. She ducked as a ball on the string above her head exploded and then went back up to her dormitory to get out of the common room, which suddenly seemed a bit too small.

The next day, however, whatever strange conflicts existing in the band of Marauders had completely dissipated. Mid-afternoon found Lily and James involved in a wild game of wizard's chess. This game was partially new to Lily; she had played the Muggle version for years at home, but had never played with animated pieces before. She soon discovered that there was quite a difference.

"Queen to G-4!" James howled.

He had a habit of shouting his moves as loudly as possible; in James and Sirius's opinions, a game wasn't a game unless it was loud, noisy, and involved someone's eyebrows getting singed. As Wizard's Chess did not happen to include the latter (or the former two requirements in any sane person's opinion, but as Lily couldn't make a claim of being sane any more than her Marauder friends, she kept her thoughts to herself), Sirius kept chucking something he called 'Egyptian Snapping mints' onto Lily and James. These mints were a questionable, turtle-shaped, fire-breathing substance that made the game a good deal more interesting, to say the least. They didn't snap much - they had other forms of defending themselves.

Now, however, Sirius dropped his bag of mints onto a group of third years, all of which leapt astoundingly high when their Transfiguration homework lit on fire. But Sirius ignored them and started shouting in a tone to match James's.

"You fool! You prat! You bloody git! How could you be so -"

"Bishop to G-4," Lily said coolly. She watched happily as her own figure dragged James's queen off the board.

"- stupid," Sirius finished.

"Well, mates, I've got to be off," came a voice from behind James, who was banging his head on the table in anger at his own foolhardy move.

Lily looked across the bouncing chess pieces (James was hitting his head against the table very hard) and saw Remus standing there with a small backpack.

"Off?" Sirius looked at his friend with eyebrows raised.

"Got to go visit my mum," Remus explained without looking at anyone. "She and Dad were in Italy, but they got back early and she wants me to come visit as a belated Christmas celebration."

James stopped banging his head against the table. He stood up next to Sirius.

"That's strange," the tousle-headed boy said coolly. "Considering that you said they were in China."

"Well - I mean, they will be going to China. Next month, actually," Remus attempted to dig himself out of the pit of lies he had fallen into.

"Now that's really strange." It was Sirius who spoke this time. "Considering that you said they don't have enough money to travel more than once every few years."

"They've been saving up," Remus decided.

"Oh, right," James said. It was clear that he didn't believe Remus at all.

"Look, I've really got to be going," Remus continued. "See you in a few days."

"Yeah, whatever!" Sirius called after his retreating back. "You don't have to tell us where you're going, but we don't have to believe all of your weak excuses!"

He fell silent and moody for the rest of the afternoon, morosely chucking Chocolate Frogs at people and laughing in an uncharacteristically unpleasant tone when he managed to hit his targets. Lily was struck by how much she didn't know about Sirius and his home life, more than that his family consisted of 'conservative, wealthy arses who had sold their souls to the devil more times than he could count.'

As for James, he went to retrieve his Charms homework and spent the rest of the afternoon studying vigorously. This might not appear unusual except for the fact that he was normally far too lazy and uninterested to bother.

Lily, who was the only one of the group who knew what was actually wrong with their friend, couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy, both because he was obviously having trouble giving his friends excuses and because he would be biting and scratching himself in only a few hours' time. Though blue moons normally fascinated her, she was sure that Remus would not be very happy in the months that contained two moons like 1971's December did.

As always, the tension within the Marauders was short-lived. Strangely, when Peter returned from his holiday, there was even less strain than there had been over the break. Lily presumed that she shouldn't be so astonished by such a thing, but her surprise was probably due mainly to he fact that Peter didn't do much. He tended to eat, laugh, and eat. But he was nonetheless gladly welcomed back into the circle of troublemakers.

James and Sirius didn't even bother to be rude to Remus over his lack of information of where he had been, for which Lily was very grateful. She hadn't pressured Remus again about how he ought to tell his friends the truth, but she nonetheless worried that his friends would hold against him his lack of description.

Lily was glad when the second term finally began. She still felt guilty over the demise of the two Muggles, and it was very difficult to concentrate on living when she felt at fault for ending someone else's life. There were few distractions over the holidays, as opposed to the constant presence of homework and whatever extra credit assignments she could locate.

So, as soon as classes began, Lily dove even deeper into her studies than she had been previously, completely submerging herself in her magical education. She studied every possible form of magical spell, made self-researched and self-assigned potions, read about various people's most obscure interpretations of the choices of Arabic shamans and came to her own conclusions regarding them, and studied advanced spells for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Classes continued to get harder and harder, but Lily elevated her efforts to exceed even the teachers' highest expectations. For a while she was getting Gryffindor between thirty and fifty points a day, but the teachers soon drew away from awarding her so much on the grounds that she was simply a higher academic level than her fellow students and didn't need more points to go to her house to prove this.

To make matters more interesting, everyone in Hogwarts was back to worshipping Lily's feet again. Or that was how she saw it; it greatly annoyed her how much people wanted to talk to her and be in her presence, all because she had failed to save the lives of innocent people. She supposed that this extra attention was due to the Daily Prophet's article, but all that this discovery achieved was that Lily was now positive that no one of any brain capacity existed at Hogwarts. If she had seen that article about someone else, she would have known immediately that it had been embellished! But even the Ravenclaws, who were renowned for the span of their minds, believed what Kelsey's father had written. It all made Lily sick, it really did.

Everyone was happy for Lily. That is, everyone in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor. The Slytherins, on the other hand, did not believe the article, to put it lightly. Fully disgusted both with what was written and with the attention Lily received because of it, each member of the house had taken to beating on the small Gryffindor, both physically and verbally, not to mention snickering and whispering as she passed. Though this attention was not enjoyed at all, Lily was glad that at least they understood that what the article had written was false. However, she wisely based the assumptions of the Slytherins on denial as opposed to enough brains to realize the falsehood of the Daily Prophet. Thinking about it extensively, as Lily happened to do rather frequently, she wondered if there was any hope at all for this next generation, or if they would all be either obsessed with frivolity or submerged in the deepest, darkest corners of the dark arts.

Lily was happy to say that she had convinced Remus, James, and Sirius that Mr. Mullet had considerably overstated the events of her holidays. Of course, James and Sirius continued to pretend that she was royalty of some sort, but Lily presumed that this was just one of the many bizarre ways that the boys entertained themselves. Both were smart enough to see the truth, as much as they pretended they weren't more intelligent than cauliflower.

The only Marauder that Lily was unable to convince of the truth was Peter. He seemed physically incapable of accepting the fact that something he read in the newspaper wasn't true. After she had attempted to explain the prospect of mass deception to him a couple of times, Lily gave up. It was hopeless, and she could easily come to terms with that, though she was not content to 'explain again how she'd defeated the evil guy' over and over as Peter constantly requested. Instead she would distract the chubby boy by trying to help him with his homework. Interestingly, though he was awful in all other classes, he was very adept at Astronomy. Lily found herself wondering if in fact the dullest, least clever member of the Marauders would in fact be the one to figure out Remus' big secret.

But if Peter knew anything, he did not let on. Lily's doubt dissipated after a while; she didn't think that Peter would be capable of keeping something this gossip-worthy to himself for so long.

Even though classes were harder, Lily received strange treatment from everyone in school, and Peter was silent, things at Hogwarts were fairly quiet. Time passed quickly and with few noteworthy interruptions.

One morning, a while after the second term had begun, Lily woke very suddenly and for no apparent reason. Having gone to bed very late after studying a long book of Abstractly Relevant Comparisons Between Electricity and Magic, she was very tired and fully prepared to sleep in as late as humanly possible.

But something imperceptible nonetheless roused her, and the morning's weak light would allocate no more slumber. Lily rolled out of bed and shuffled over to the open window, gazing upon the grounds, as was now a morning tradition for her. There was something about seeing the sprawled, rolling hills and the frosted forest that helped her to wake up and prepare herself for the coming day.

The weather of January had been, though wet and rainy, fairly mild, so no snow covered the ground and there was only a little left-over frost among the Forbidden Forest's trees. As she stared at the grounds, Lily counted off on her fingers and was amazed to discover that it was already the twenty-ninth of 1972's first month. In three more days, it would have been a full month since the second term began, though Lily could have sworn that no more than a single seven-day period had passed.

Sighing in exasperation for speed at which time passed when one's attention wavered even slightly, Lily resigned herself to dressing for another Friday of lessons. A pair of ratty jeans and an itchy sweater later, Lily was down in the common room and pulling her robes on. A quick glance around the plushy armchairs told her that the Marauders were either already in the Great Hall having a food fight or not up yet and dreaming of starting a food fight. There was something about flying victuals that intrigued the boys to what Lily thought was a very unhealthy point.

Whatever her friends were doing, Lily didn't think it was worth it to search for them. Though she had discovered that girls were allowed into go into the boy's dormitories, she didn't fancy having to wrestle anyone out of bed and was no less interested by the prospect of walking in on anyone naked. Lily herself wouldn't like it if anyone of the opposite sex were walking around her dormitory and poking their noses around, so she figured that no one else would appreciate it if she did the same.

It wasn't as early as the redhead had imagined, for Hogwarts students already populated the Great Hall significantly. At least twenty of these waved at Lily to come sit with them, but she instead opted for a seat at the end of the table. The two sixth years that she sat across from whispered heartily and kept smiling at her, but made no comments, for which their younger companion was very grateful. She liked to eat breakfast in peace, to try to wake up.

Thinking of peace reminded her of what would easily ruin it, so Lily wolfed down a few scones so that she would be entirely done by the time the Marauders arrived for the day's first meal, not to mention the first potential food fight.

But, strangely enough, no loud, rambunctious boys bounced around Lily for any of the allotted breakfast period. Lily was interested and a bit confused to see how much she missed their company. Five minutes to the start of Herbology, she turned in the direction of the greenhouses. Perhaps they were planning a clever entry or wanted to be late for reasons that only they could comprehend.

But not one of the four first-years showed up for the session of pruning Fireheart Roses (incredibly evil plants that had thorns that were as hot as a branding iron). Lily knew that it was fairly common for the boys to skive off, but she was nonetheless a bit hurt. Normally they said at least something!

When Lily returned to the castle, covered in dirt and a few sores from the roses, it was in a poor mood. She was stomping toward the Great Hall when a hand reached out of a broom closet and yanked the surprised redhead inside. As she whirled around to face the people within, Lily wasn't sure whether to be relieved or angry at the sight of the four shining faces. There was something very suspicious about the expression on each countenance.

"What are you planning now?" she asked wearily. "And where were you for Herbology?"

"Calm down, Mother!" Sirius chuckled. "And we weren't planning anything, anyway."

Lily did not have to take a single glance over their guilty faces to know Sirius was telling anything but the truth. She put her hands on her hips and glared up at him.

"Okaywellseewehaveabrilliantplanandallweneednowisyourhelp," Sirius said with remarkable speed. Lily couldn't tell if he was actually nervous, or was just being purposely cheeky.

James glared forcefully at his best friend.

"Sorry, mate! Her eyes - I can't - get them away from me!" Sirius moaned, throwing his hands up in front of his face.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

"Never mind that," James said hastily.

"Yeah...but Lily? Will you do something for us?" Peter asked, oblivious to James' foot prodding on his own in warning.

Those words never resulted in anything good. Lily backed up slightly.

"Come on, Lily, it's easy!" Remus pleaded.

"What do you want me to do?" Lily asked, her voice guarded and her mind screaming that whatever she had just agreed to do was a terrible decision.

An hour, a shower, and a change of school materials later, Lily was following the four snickering friends into the Great Hall. Sirius shook his head at Lily as though to tell her Not now. Lily understood and went back to eating her soup.

She knew what they wanted her to do, and she was fully prepared to do so; she was their friend, after all, and she couldn't find anything seriously wrong with what they had requested she undertake. However, as it was the Marauders who wanted her to do it, Lily couldn't help but worry. She really didn't know whether she would be able to do what they wanted or not.

But she had until supper to think about it, so she promptly tossed the subject from her mind.