Comedy/Tragedy: The Story of a Doomed Existence

Chapter Fourteen: Not So Ignorant

The next morning, none of the first-years woke up until late; they had first period off and most were exhausted from being up so late. When Lily woke, she found her two friends still sleeping and saw no trace whatsoever of Hana or Leanna. Lily wondered if they had even come back from the hospital wing.

As always, the morning went slowly. Potions was a dull affair, though Lily was puzzled by one thing: Hana and Leanna did not show up for the entire class, nor were they at lunch. In fact, she did not see the two girls until mid-Charms. She was copying down notes from the board ('How to Perform a Simple Repairing Charm') when the door swung open and two girls walked in.

They looked distinctly worse for the wear: each had a black patch over the eye that had the acne surrounding it, and the skin around Hana's open eye - the one Lily had hit - had turned a nasty yellow-blue color. Though infinitely curious as to where the girls had been all this time, and wondering why each was not fully healed through Klagensteril's magic, Lily managed to refrain from any comments. Professor Flitwick, however, did not follow her example.

"Girls, you are late! And why are you wearing eye patches into class?" the Professor's squeaky voice called from across the room, where he was helping Peter to understand the directions.

"We were in the hospital wing," Leanna told him promptly with an air that suggested she was unembarrassed, though both she and Hana gave James looks of deepest dislike and she did not embellish on her words.

"Well, all right, then go sit down, girls," Flitwick squeaked.

So they had stayed the whole night in the hospital wing? Lily peered over her parchment at the girls who now talking in low voices to their friends. It doesn't matter, she decided. I don't care.

And she spent the rest of the lesson pretending not to.

It was not until that evening, in fact, that Lily learned what had really happened. She, Alice, and Lucy were sitting in their normal corner, doing normal things: Lucy fumed over her homework, Lily read A Tale of Two Cities for the third time, and Alice drew in her notebook. The round-faced girl actually did have quite a talent at drawing things, Lily had discovered now that the doodles did not all have something to do with Frank. The redhead looked up from her book and stood up, stretching. It was as she yawned that Lily heard voices drifting across the room.

The voices were clearly attempting not to be heard by anyone other than those in the group of people they was addressing, but some people had stopped to chat in front of the open portrait hole, and their forgetting to close it meant that the slight draft carried easily across the room, bringing voices on its air current.

"...can't believe the old bag is allowed to work here!"

"I know, it's insane, can you believe what happened? Honestly, what Healer is daft enough to use undiluted bubotuber pus?"

"Is that what it was? I wasn't sure...the stuff smelled strongly of petrol, and though it got rid of the acne, now I've got these knobbly sores all over my eye...thank God she let us use these patches."

"Yeah, that's bubotuber pus! What are you going to do to get back that Potter boy?"

"I think I might try..."

The voices faded away as someone came up with the bright idea to shut the portrait. Lily thought back as hard as she could - what was bubotuber pus? But she couldn't remember ever hearing about the substance, though thought it might be plant-related. She turned back to her friends, for Alice was quite the Herbology whiz and might know what Lily didn't.

She quickly repeated the conversation she had overheard to her friends, then waited to see what their reaction might be.

"I wonder what bubotuber pus is?" Lucy was as clearly as clueless as Lily was. "Well, I'm glad it hurt her a lot!"

"Oh, bubotuber pus -" A concentrated look appeared on Alice's face - clearly she was trying to remember something. A look of satisfaction came over her countenance as the thought returned. "It comes from bubotubers, naturally, and is a good treatment for particularly severe acne. It is a yellowish color, and - and it smells like petrol. Um...when it is undiluted, it can do weird stuff to people's skin. So I guess Klagensteril forgot to dilute it...honestly, why do they keep her around?"

"Hmm..." Lily and her friends lapsed into thought. Lily was wondering what Hana was planning to do to James, and still surprised that the girl hadn't realized that James was innocent.

But, strangely enough, there was no sign that James and Hana had ever broken up, nor that they ever got back together. By Double Potions on Friday afternoon, it was almost as though the event on the North Tower had been forgotten. This was indeed strange, as Hana still had to wear her eye patch everywhere and her uncovered eye was turning a nasty yellowed color.

Lucy and Alice remained perfectly sanguine. In their opinion, there was simply no way they could be blamed for Hana's misfortune. They believed that they had come away clean from the revenge scheme, and they were anxious for another such adventure. Lily remained pessimistic, particularly because James seemed to escape any blame, but she might as well have not said anything for all the notice her friends took.

"Okay, kiddies, today we're going to be measuring armadillo bile!" Professor Dulcissa told them once the bell had rang. She made it sound like some kind of marvelous treat. "Make sure to measure exactly as your instructions say, and if everyone finishes early, we might just get to start on grating trout scales!" she grinned around, and Lily was as disgusted as ever to see that most people grinned back.

A mere five minutes later, the proper notes were taken and Lily pulled her bottle of armadillo bile out of her bag. Staring at it blankly for a few moments, she felt a touch of annoyance: she had always hated how potions ingredients were taken from animals so mercilessly. Another twinge of hatred for Professor Dulcissa ran through her mind: this was a horrible thing to do, having them use their potions ingredients for no purpose at all, and wind up wasting pieces of dead animals. She felt a burning sensation in her throat, as though she might throw up, and decided to go wash her face off, in hopes of cooling herself down. As she stood up, Lucy and Alice glanced at her. The expression on her face seemed to convey the message perfectly, and both stood up to help their rather green friend.

Lily was glad that the water from the gargoyle's mouth was so cold - it helped to revive her disgusted emotions.

"Lil - are you okay?" apparently she still looked rather green.

"I'm fine...it's just all the animal byproducts...and that heinous - woman - makes us waste them. It's so disgusting..."

"Even if I'm not a rabbit like you," Lucy grinned at Lily's expression, "I still hate Dulcissa, and you're right, we shouldn't be wasting this stuff."

"I know!" a grin passed over Alice's face. She seemed a lot bolder now that she wasn't devoting all of her time to Frank. "We should get revenge on her, too!"

Lucy grinned again, but Lily looked dubious.

"Look, I'm not sure if we even got away with the Anna Banana revenge, and we have the thing going with Hurley...I don't know if it would be smart to try any more plots of getting back at people."

"So? Sometimes it's best not to do the smart thing," Lucy grinned mischievously.

"Right," Lily rolled her eyes.

"Girls, as much fun as it is to stand by the gargoyle, I'm sure you'll have even more fun working with your armadillo bile!" Professor Dulcissa grinned flashily at them across the room.

Though Lily had a sudden and overwhelming urge to sprint through the classroom and smack Dulcissa as hard as she could, she restrained it and went back to the table she was sharing with a sulky Slytherin girl, Lucy, and Alice.

When she arrived back at her table, the redhead slid back into her seat and offered a smile to the Slytherin - Tawny Baddock, she remembered. The girl did not return the favor, though she did smirk rather unpleasantly. Lily decided it was the best she could hope for and turned back to her own materials.

Strangely enough, something didn't seem right. Lily ignored her nerves and picked up her armadillo bile, beginning to pour slowly. However, this soon was revealed as a big mistake - Lily's worries were not unfounded.

As soon as the armadillo bile was dropped into her measuring flask, it sprang up again, as though it had hit something hot. In fact, it had - Lily felt the cup and was immediately burned; someone had placed a charm of some kind of - solid fire - on it. The armadillo bile sizzled on the cup and then burst upwards, where it would hit Lily, Lucy, Alice, or Tawny in the face. Lily had stopped pouring, but the bile kept spraying upwards. It was obviously past boiling, and burning sores appeared everywhere it hit them.

Lily kept seeing stars in front of her eyes; the stuff was so hot, it felt like some kind of burning metal. The world began to swirl before her eyes, colors blending and molding together to form some kind of swirling rainbow, like the oil that Lily had seen leaking out of cars at the grocer's. She was very aware of someone screaming, though she didn't know whom, and then, quite suddenly, everything went black.

The next thing Lily knew, she was in the hospital wing - for the third time in less than two months. Luckily, Madam Klagensteril was tending to someone else, so she was free to sit up, once she had managed to struggle free of her tightly tucked blankets. Why was she here?

"Oi, Lily!" a rather rigid pillow collided with the side of Lily's head. Looking around for whoever had thrown it, Lily saw Lucy - but she didn't look like Lucy at all.

Her blonde hair was as pretty as ever, and tied back into its normal braids, but it was her face that alarmed Lily. All over the girl's previously pale countenance were sores and splotches of red - they looked like burns. One of her eyes had met the inflammation as well, and had reacted by swelling shut to the size of a small melon. Suddenly, Lily remembered everything, and she realized that Lucy was looking at her with the same expression she undoubtedly had: horror and disgust.

"What happened to us?" a new voice came from across the way. Alice was sitting there, looking just as awful as Lucy did, and the same as the unknowing Lily.

"Armadillo bile - deflected off my measuring flask," Lily remembered foggily. "In Potions. The - the flask was hot," she showed her friends the burn on her fingers.

"Ooh, I'm going to kill them!" Lucy exclaimed. "Lil - you were right, they knew it was us!"

"Er - what?" Alice was still confused.

"The Anna Bananas," Lucy told her with an uncharacteristically ugly look. "They did this."

"I don't know...maybe not, maybe it was something else..." Alice remained dubious.

"No, Alice, it was them," Lily was sure of it - she was sure that they hadn't believed she was innocent, and here was the proof. Angrily - the sores hurt - she punched the pillow that had been thrown at her.

"What do you think about getting revenge now?" Lucy asked, grinning at the anger obvious in Lily's mind.

However, the redhead was spared answering when Madam Klagensteril bustled over.

"Feeling better, are we?" she asked.

Lily deeply wanted to ask her how she would feel if armadillo bile had been burned into her skin, but she managed to control herself.

"A bit," Lucy spoke cheerfully, and only Lily managed to spot the sarcasm in her voice. "But I was wondering if there was anything you could do - some kind of paste, or something - to get rid of these sores?" She blinked sweetly up at the hospital wing warden.

"I haf nothing," she told them. "Students do not normally get armadillo bile in their skin, no? So I haf nothing to help you. Just rest, then you may leave," she told them, before retreating to her office.

Suddenly curious, Lily glanced down at her watch. It was only three-thirty; they had not slept very long.

"Stupid - Gryffindors -" a voice Lily did not recognize carried down the long ward. Tawny, the Slytherin girl who had met the same fate as Lily and her friends, was struggling out of the tightly tucked blankets. "I hope you're happy!" she yelled in Lily's direction as the covers managed to tighten themselves further over her body. "I offer to help someone get back at their enemies and this is what happens! I wind up being in the hospital wing with armadillo bile on my face! Ugh!" she let out an annoyed screech and toppled out of bed, though still entangled in her sheets.

Exchanging a look with her friends - Tawny had been involved? - Lily leapt out of bed (having been in the hospital wing before, she knew how to extract herself from the comforters without causing bodily harm) and walked over to the now completely intertwined Slytherin.

"What do you mean, help someone get back at their enemies?" She spoke softly, anger coursing through her veins. As much as she wanted to fight it, needed to fight it, that little voice ran through her mind, 'I'm going to make them pay.'

In an attempt to free herself from the confusion and anger in her mind, Lily offered a hand to the Slytherin. Though Tawny eyed it warily, she accepted it after a moment and was soon on her feet.

"What's it to you?" the girl clearly didn't want to get friendly, not after Lily had attempted such an action.

"Well - it would be rather nice to know who has put us through this," she said jerkily. Part of her really wanted to lose her temper, but she shoved it down. She knew who it was - or she thought she did - but she just wanted to make sure.

"Like I'd tell you," Tawny snorted, looking down her pudgy nose at Lily. "If you'll excuse me -" she bumped purposefully into Lily as she headed out of the hospital wing, "- I've got to find someone who will get rid of this." She indicated her inflamed face and stormed out of the door.

"Thanks for all the help," Lucy yelled after her.

"So - are we sure that the Anna Banana's are behind this?" Alice asked carefully. She seemed much more cautious now that she had realized that she had been so wrong about their being in the clear.

"Yes," Lucy told her promptly.

"I don't know; it could have been them, or maybe it was Potter...I wouldn't even put this past Dulcissa!" Lily added.

"So - we'll say they did it, and retaliate, and if they retaliate back then we'll know that they were the ones who did it the first time!" Lucy grinned.

"Er - what?" Alice looked puzzled. "Well, whatever it is, I'm behind Lucy one hundred percent!"

"We-el..." Lily still felt uncomfortable, but the little voice in her mind, the one telling her that she should get revenge, took over for her more sane instincts. "I guess we can, though first I want to get these sores off of my face!"

"How can we?" Lucy asked. "Klagensteril wouldn't know how to remove this stuff, even if it appeared on her own ugly face!"

"I know that," Lily told her. "But I bet we can find something in the library."

"Hmm...I was forgetting that I'm friends with the Genius of the First Year," Lucy laughed.

"I'm not a genius, I just study a lot," Lily defended herself.

"Don't complain, I'd be grateful if someone thought I was a genius," Alice told her, a slight note of resentment in her voice. She erased this apparent bitterness by grinning widely, though Lily could still see a funny glint in her friend's eyes.

"Um - right. So, shall we?" Lily wondered if Alice were okay, but if the round-faced girl wasn't going to say anything, then she wouldn't bring it up either.

Twenty minutes later, the three girls were peering into the library through the glass door. Alice had insisted that they be cautious in relocating, as she didn't want anyone to see her mutilated face, so it had taken longer than it might have to arrive at their destination; half of the hallways they might have turned down had been blocked by groups of people.

Luckily, it being a Friday, the library was near empty. Lily wandered off through the shelves and pulled off promising books for she and her friends to look through. At Alice's request, they went into a hidden corner of the library, just in case more people did come in, and began to study.

Lucy was probably the only one who didn't enjoy what they were doing; she didn't like Herbology much. But Alice was happy as long as what they studied was plant-related, and Lily was happy as long as they were reading books.

"Here!" Alice shouted some thirty minutes later, forgetting that she wanted to stay hidden. A few nearby students gave them glares, but each dirty look was repressed as soon as they saw the girls' disfigured faces. "Read this," the girl continued in a softer tone, pointing out a paragraph to Lily.

Armadillo bile, a frequent ingredient in potions that improve aspects of mental health (Wit-sharpening Potion, Anti-Hallucination Draft, etc.) is fairly harmless to the skin.

Lucy snorted loudly. "Harmless?"

"Keep reading," Alice told her, exasperated.

However, when boiling, the potion ingredient has a very funny affect on human skin, causing boil-like protuberances that are filled with bright blue pus. However, it is highly recommended that one does not pop the boils, as doing so leaves a permanent discoloration on the skin.

In order to remove armadillo bile-based sores, one must use a simple boil-removing charm or potion. Diluted bubotuber pus mixed with an Uninflammation Potion is highly recommended, as is the Vomidemcus Charm. It should be noted that multiple applications are necessary of either one, and the sores dissipate faster when the potion is applied under leaf of Holly and light of quarter moon. The following incantation, a translated relic of South African lore, is believed to be in relation to armadillo bile removal, though such information has never been proved.

Creature of hardened shell

Bark of reddened tree

Light of faded hell

Dissipate quickly.

In fact, the South African tradition is thought to worship the armadillo - in secret, of course - though this has also never been proved. For more information on armadillos and the cultures they relate to, see chapter seventeen, page 209.

Armadillo bile is also -

"God, what is this thing?" Lucy asked, flummoxed. She turned the book so that its cover was visible, keeping a finger on the necessary page. "What's with all the - oh." She had just seen the title; Armadillos and the Lives they Lead - a Study of our Forgotten Friends. "I thought you only got Herbology books, Lil?"

"I did..." Lily had never seen the book before.

"Oh - er - well, I saw it on a shelf and thought it might be better to look through than Herbology books," Alice told them timidly. "I mean - armadillos aren't a plant, why would armadillo bile be in an Herbology book?"

Lily felt a blush creeping over her face. She hadn't even thought of that!

"Oops..." she muttered. "I must be tired, still," it seemed important to have an excuse for why she hadn't picked the right books. "Good - good job, Alice."

"Alice is a right genius herself," Lucy proclaimed. "I'm the best friend of the two smartest girls in the first year! Oh someone help me, please! Whatever shall I do? I don't - I don't belong!" she burst into loud, faked tears.

"At least you have a talent," Alice told her, though she was grinning. She seemed to be trying not to show how happy she was that people thought her a genius. Lucy stopped crying; though she was still smiling, it was rather forced, and there was an odd look on her face that told Lily that she was thinking the same thing.

Lily jumped out of her thoughts - an unusual feeling had come over her heart when Alice was the one getting things right, a feeling almost of jealousy - and looked nervously at her strawberry blonde friend. No, the girl wouldn't mention Quidditch - not when Lucy was so much happier than she had been after the tryouts. Alice would never say that -

"You're so good at Quidditch," Alice continued. Lily's heart dropped nearly as quickly as the previously happy expression on Lucy's face. "I wish I could play like that -"

"Tactless!" Lucy yelled at her. "I'm trying to forget that, can't you see, you stupid girl? I don't like Quidditch, I don't want to play Quidditch, and I don't like your mentioning it! I take back what I said before, you are so stupid!"

She slung her bag over her shoulder and stomped away. This time, no tears formed in her eyes, but the flushed color on her pale cheeks told everyone she was incredibly angry. Alice's eyes, on the other hand, filled with crystalline tears.

"I'm - stupid?" she asked Lily sadly. A tear trickled down her round, full cheek and into the crevice next to her nose. She wiped it away carelessly, but another soon took its place and she gave up trying to keep the salty liquid away.

"No - Alice, of course you aren't!" Lily exclaimed. "You knew what book to get, you're smarter than I am by far!" another twinge of unexplained jealousy. "And, look, maybe you have the slight character flaw of not thinking about what you are saying before you say it, but that's okay!" she wasn't sure if she was going about this right; she had never cheered anyone up before and wasn't sure what she should say.

"I speak - hic - without thinking?" More tears.

"No - that's - I mean," Lily was slightly flustered; what should she say? "Lucy is just touchy on the subject of Quidditch, you know why!" she patted her friend's arm gently. "You are brilliant, Alice, don't ever think otherwise. Lucy just - well, you know her better than me - she hides her feelings, but when you push the wrong button -"

Alice rocked back and forth now, drops of misery splashing down her front and a faint whimper coming from her throat.

"It would be like - I would do the same thing, if you mentioned my liking James," Lily said desperately, pleading that Alice would stop crying. At the same time, however, she felt a sparkle of annoyance in her mind. Just thinking about Potter... she shook herself mentally and continued speaking. "And you would do the same thing if Lucy or I liked Frank."

Finally, the tears began to slow. Alice glared up at Lily from her damp cheeks.

"I - don't - like - Frank," she spoke jerkily, through tightly clenched teeth. "He's stupid - and, and a traitor, and I don't like him!"

Lily was glad that she could keep a hold on her tongue in situations such as these. She smiled at Alice, and nodded, not wanting to take any opinion. If she said she hated Frank, Alice would certainly come to his rescue, and if she said she liked him, Alice would also become mad.

Alice sniffed hugely and looked down at the book Lucy had dropped on the floor.

"Shall we check this out?" she asked Lily, a faint smile on her still damp countenance.

"Yes, certainly, but we should also look for books on the potion and the charm it mentioned - Uninflammation and Vomidemcus, I believe - so that we can determine how to get rid of this."

"Good thinking," Alice told her.

It did not take very long to find the necessary volumes and check them out; soon the two girls were headed back through the halls to the Gryffindor common room. Alice had offered to carry the books, something Lily took as kindness until she saw how Alice had the books balanced - so that no one could see her face. More annoyance rolled down her spine. Honestly, why did Alice care what everyone else thought? The girl's blue-gray eyes saw where Lily was looking.

"I don't want anyone to see me like this," she explained, grinning.

"Why do you care?" Lily asked her earnestly. "Why does their opinion matter?"

"Well - they're my peers, you see how they look at you!" Alice wasn't exactly watching her words. "They look at me like that too - sometimes - and I hate it! I don't deserve it at all, I don't think, and I'd -" she saw the look on Lily's face, as though the redhead were now working very hard to prevent herself from speaking. Tightening her resolve, Alice continued, "I'd like to be - to be popular. I don't care that you think it's a waste of time," she told Lily as the girl opened her mouth to let loose the diatribe she could no longer conceal. "It's not. This is my life for the next seven years, I want people to see me as nice, and kind, and smart, and, and funny, not as they do now!"

Lily was surprised at what Alice said - it seemed most unlike the girl. But, thinking back, Lily realized it wasn't - opinions mattered to Alice, wasn't Frank a good example of that?

"Well, Alice, if you are so set on being popular," Lily spoke in an icy tone that she unfortunately recognized as Hana's normal speaking voice, "it seems to me there are two things you need to do. One," she held up a finger, "Stop being friends with me, because I'm clearly tarnishing your reputation. Two," another finger went up, "make sure that you do your best to not be smart. Just wanting to be popular means you are well on your way!"

She snatched the books from Alice and walked off in the opposite direction of where they had previously been headed.

The funny thing was, Lily wasn't only mad at Alice because the girl wanted to be popular. A sudden thought ran through her mind, as though an inner voice were speaking. It was her thing to be smart, not Alice's! Alice got to be the - Lily paused for a moment, thinking. What was Alice's signature trait? Alice was kind, certainly, but so was Lucy...and Lily presumed that she herself had at least a few compassionate bones in her body. Alice was - well, she obsessed about Frank, but that was hardly a signature trait, and hardly a fair way to look at the girl. She was - she was loyal, Lily presumed, but that had never really been put to the test, and the way it looked now, Alice would sacrifice even her friends, or the girl who had thought they were friends, for something as fickle and unnecessary as the opinions of 'popular' people.

Lily snorted angrily and glared at the portrait in front of her - a very large, bald wizard with a basket full of eels at his feet. She quickly averted her eyes from the mass of swirling black sea creatures and instead turned down the next hallway. She realized that the books were in her arms, and decided she might as well consider whatever needed to be done to remove the boils on her face. She had half a mind to leave them - let Alice see how little she cared about the opinions of others! - but the fact remained that they hurt, a lot. An empty room nearby caught her eye, so Lily turned inside and set the books on the large, squashy armchair inside. Once all items were removed from her arms, Lily looked around.

The room was very tiny and circular, with the armchair she had found at the center and a red rug with blue designs stitched in circular patterns. The walls were bare except for a tiny shelf with a set of candles on it and a moving tapestry of a window. Lily looked out of the 'window' and saw that it was at the moment depicting a vegetable patch experiencing a light summer shower.

Lily discovered it was quite pleasant, sitting in the room and listening to the fake rainstorm splatter down. She flipped through the books they had gathered, learning about the potion and the charm that would aid her in the eradication of the painful sores. She even managed to forget about her little spat with Alice. The hours passed at unbeknownst speed, and Lily finally decided to try the charm; the list of ingredients for the potion had a very specific and somewhat unobtainable aspect, so instead she chose to try the simpler charm.

"Demo Vomicus!" Lily said loudly and clearly, pointing the wand at her own face. Nothing happened. "Deemo Vomeecus!" she tried again. No result. "Demoo Voomicus! Deemo Voomicus! Demoo Vomeecus! Demo Vomicoose!" Nothing. "Back to the first?" she asked herself. "De-mo Vomi-cus!" A slight sensation spread over her face, but when Lily prodded the surface of her countenance, she could still feel the painful sores. "De-mo Vowe-mi-coose!" This time the unhelpful cooling sensation spread again, but she felt a slight ebb in the pain, though again the boils would not disappear.

"Maybe I'm not waving my wand right?" Lily considered, peering over the pages of the large spellbook still on the chair. "Hmm..." she repeated what seemed like the correct incantation, a long with a wrist flick she thought might help. Lily let out a yelp of surprise when her wand emitted a long stream of silver-and-blue sparks. Feeling the top of her slightly singed ponytail, Lily pouted. "Why won't it work?" she asked angrily. Along with her anger, the annoyance she felt for Alice returned full swing, along with the self-doubt and unexplainable, pounding jealousy.

"Having some trouble?" a voice came from behind Lily.

The redhead yelped more loudly than she had when the wand let loose sparks, dropped her wand with a clatter, and spun around to face the door and her intruder.