Three Simple Words

Sirius is dead.

Who ever knew what power three simple words could have over me? Even a werewolf's bite did not destroy me as much as these words do now. The bite penetrated through my skin, and it hurt, but this is so much worse... it eats me, slowly, from the inside, and it is pain that I cannot bear.

You told me what you thought about death, Sirius. Remember? In the Shrieking Shack. It was such a long time ago, it feels like decades, although it was only one. You said you did not fear it. I did. I feared death as I feared nothing else. I feared the end, the nothingness, the black... For me, death was a hole, a bottomless hole that would engulf you and hold you forever as its prisoner as you screamed and kicked and tried in vain to escape.

But you couldn't. It is impossible to escape death.

Then Lily and James died. They fell into that hole, that dreadful hole. I dreamt at night that they were falling, and I reached out to them and tried to pull them back to me, but I could never reach, and I heard laughter ringing in my ears, your laughter, the laughter of the person that I thought had pushed them in...

Then I met you again. I saw you again. How ironic it was that we met in the Shrieking Shack. The house that held such horrible yet wonderful memories for me.

Yes, how ironic. How extremely ironic.

And then... then you were with me again. I was whole again. My horrible thoughts and theories had been proven wrong. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, having you by my side again. It was you who brought me back to life, who brought meaning back into my life, for I had been falling apart.

You told me that, while imprisoned, that you had had time to think. Obviously. What else was there for you to do? You said you had thought about death, and the meaning of life, and how it all fit together. Just last summer, as we cleaned your old house, you told me what you had thought about.

Oh, I don't fear death, you had laughed. I don't want to die, not really... why would I? I have you, and I have Harry. I figure, as long as I've had one true friend, I've lived a good life. I've got you, haven't I? And I have Harry to take care of. I know that if I should die, that you would be there for Harry, and I could go join Lily and James. And then you and Harry would join us too, when your time came. And everything would be perfect. Like an eternal harmony.

Eternal harmony. I suppose that's where you are now. In heaven, I mean. You were always talking about how similar earth and heaven were. You said... that heaven was only about small improvements. Like seeing your friends again. Or being away from those blasted dementors. You said... and I don't know if you meant it... but you said life with Harry and me was as close to heaven on earth as possible.

So I guess you're happy. You finally got what you wanted. A home with Lily and James, and someone to watch out for Harry. You're happy, and... the hole is gone for me. For I do not fear death any longer. Your death has brought me to understand myself. Now I can live peacefully, knowing that while I fill up this time on earth, that you are waiting for me, in heaven.

And now those three simple words are exactly what they're meant to be.

Simple.