Forever

Together we were one entity. We spoke in unison and when another looked at our entwined hands they could not tell whose fingers are whose. We did not look alike, of course; but our relationship, if you could call it that, thrived on our differences. If you found a blond hair lingering on your coat after I had been resting my head on your shoulder, you would pick it off, kiss it, and blow it away onto the wind.

Maybe that was what I should have done: blown you away to the wind, released my clumsy hold on your fragile, multi-hued wings. But I thought that it would all be okay. I was sure that I should not crush you because you had an even tighter hold on me.

Together we were one entity, but now you are gone and my other half has ceased to exist. The green eyes that sparkled in ill-concealed delight are glazed; the slim hands, which were so gentle on my skin, are still. I feel as if someone ripped apart my soul or stole something dear to me that I somehow never really possessed.

I´ve been thinking long and hard about this, Harry, and I´ve come to the conclusion that heaven just couldn´t cope without you as an angel. You were just too beautiful to remain on earth - when God made you into a mortal, the bad he put into your soul could never have counteracted the good, like it does in my soul and everyone else´s. Of course, you did bad things, but you felt so guilty, you repented so bitterly, that you were always forgiven.

Harry, I´m sorry I crushed your wings and dullened your vividity. I´m sorry that I stole your beauty and masqueraded you as mine when really you belonged to no one except yourself. But I´m not sorry that I held onto you. It is rare to find two souls that fit together properly, like ours did, without cracks or holes. Every person, I believe, is given one person who they can truly love no matter what. Many of these souls never meet, never touch. Some eyes connect on the street, or some hands clasp for a single dance, but then they separate, driven by circumstance back to their old lives.

See, Harry, we were never like that. We faced the odds together and clutched onto each other no matter what. Yes, in the end they broke us, but we put up one hell of a fight. Surely we deserve a commendation for trying?

I´ve thought about killing myself to be with you. I could fall off my broomstick, but that would be humiliating, undignified, and besides, I want to be a pretty corpse. I could slit my wrists, only I don´t like blood and red only goes with one colour - black, and I don´t want to die wearing such a drab colour. I could take an overdose, but that´s so Muggle - surely it´s been done a thousand times.

Of course, all my reasons for pushing away each method of suicide are lame. Maybe it´s that I´m too scared, or that I just want to live, to cling onto my memories. What if I should die and you aren´t there to greet me? What if everything goes black and that´s all that happens, and just like that, I´m gone? I have to live, have to survive you, if only to keep you alive in my hands.

*Flashback*

We sat, entwined, together and watched as the sun streaked its beams across the lake, setting for the night.

"It´s so pretty tonight, Drac," you told me. I nodded, pulling you even closer. "I never want tonight to end," you continued dreamily. "Why does time do this to us, Drac? Why do times like tonight have to end and retreat into memories? No matter how sweet they are, I don´t want our love to be a memory."

"That´ll never happen." I stroked an index finger down the curve of your spine, making you shiver happily. "Tomorrow, sure tonight´ll be a memory, but it doesn´t have to end here. We can make new memories and more love every day. Time can never beat us, it´s always on our side."

Then your lips were on mine again, and you tasted like poppies and cigarettes, lulling me deep into you.

Suddenly you pulled away. "Drake, I love you. This´ll never end, and I´ll be with you forever. Only time can hold us, and I know that it´ll never give up on us. Forever is what we have tonight, Draco."

Your lips found mine yet again, and we pushed each other down onto the lush grass and made the purest, most beautiful love.

But time betrayed us in the end. Somehow, though, I´m not quite ready to give up on you, and life, and memories... and I´m definitely not ready to give up on forever.