Unspoken Dreams

Unspoken Dreams

In my dreams the snow beneath our feet is the silk sheet under our bodies. The distant smouldering ruins of Hogwarts are nothing but the dying embers of the hearth. A full moon is rising behind your raven head. The warm, celestial glow captures your features in perfect likeness. In the light, I can see your face tilted towards mine, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. I whisper softly into your ear to see the smile stir on your sleepy face. For a moment I am entranced. Nothing exists beyond this moment; nothing matters but you. The four walls of my mind keep out the demons as the angel sleeps beside me. I am at peace in this sanctuary of dreams where the real world fades to an illusion and the battle never comes.

He stands upon the fresh snow with his holly wand drawn. Around him the trees sway in agony, tormented by the unrelenting wind. He closes his eyes a moment and the emerald spark is gone. I lose sight of his soul. "Come back to me," I whisper softly to the wind, hoping for it to carry me away, away with my unspoken words.

~*~

In my dreams the light from my wand is the moonlit lake, pooling against the darkness. The snowflakes that fall upon my skin are like your butterfly kisses, so beautiful yet so fleeting. The coldness of my body dissipates under your gentle caresses. Every part of me yearns for you. With a shuddering breath, I close the distance between us. You sigh softly, closing you eyes. I stroke your silver-blonde hair slowly and savour the warmth of your body. Only you can shield me from the chills of the night.

"Scared Potter?" he drawls.

The dream ends abruptly as I fall to the ground, gasping for air. My eyes focus on my surroundings as the pulse of my heart quickens with anger. He is standing there before me, face determined. The tip of his black hawthorn pointed at me with such steady hands. He courts death without fear, without regret. He waits for the end to come as if there was nothing to live for. I hate him with those steel grey eyes so full of derision.

The words in my mouth turn to dust. So the dream goes on, unspoken. So I will say.

"You wish." Instead.

~*~

The darkness thickens as the moon retreats behind a blanket of clouds. I feel my body shake with apprehension. Slowly we move in circles, leaving our marks on the virgin snow.

...You circle my scars with your fingertips. "Tell me about this one," you murmur.

"Second year quidditch...fell off my broom..." I begin, somewhat self-consciously.

You chuckle at my discomfort, not unkindly. You quieten me with a kiss. The grievance is forgotten as I immerse myself in you...

"Impedimenta!" It hits a copse of trees behind me.

"You'd have to try harder Potter, that was pretty poor. Don't you want to hurt me?" I sneer half-heartedly.

"Oh I'll hurt you alright," he growls. "Pain is what you deserve."

Your eyes move from scar to scar. "So many," you whisper sadly.

I touch your face to quell your worry. "They don't hurt anymore."

"Not even this one?" He traces the outline of the serpent.

"No," I reply, "it's fading now..." I touch the grotesque reminder of my past. "Y-You aren't disgusted by it?"

"No," he answers softly. "I could never do anything by love every part of you."

And without hesitation, you lower your lips to my marred skin. As the heat of your tongue travels through my body, my mind loses clarity. I gasp at the gentleness of your touch. Yes, Harry, please. Heal me, cleanse me, make me anew. Save me from myself.

He raises his head again to look at me, the emerald flakes in his eyes shining all the brighter in the candlelight.

"I won't let anything hurt you ever again."

And I believed you.

~*~

He mocks me with his grin as my spells lose their precision. Again and again he evades me like a shadow that cannot be caught. But he doesn't understand my pain. He cannot see the wounds on my body or feel the prickling tears that fall upon his every scar. I have no wish to hurt him because it is killing me in return.

The heat travels through my body like an engulfing fire. I can scarcely breathe. You teases me with that sly smirk curling about your lips.

"Are you sure you want this?" you ask, already knowing my answer. We need not exchange words for they serve no purpose. The truth resides within us and there they will always remain. He pulls me closer still and I cannot help but shiver in your arms, the world is falling away from my eyes. I surrender my senses to you the way I surrendered my will. I long for him in me, to make me complete, to keep me warm. In you I seek solace; in you I am home. Without you life would be but a torment, a mirror to the agony of my loneliness. So I cling to you like a frightened child, too afraid to wake up, too afraid to let go.

"Promise you won't leave..." I begin, my throat constricts painfully.

Your silver eyes greet mine with equal sincerity. The beat of your heart echoes through my body. You brush my lips with yours until the tension in me flows away. Then you begin to speak, "I won't ever leave you."

In the darkness, we find each other. Our fingers interlace and become inseparable, like our entwined bodies under the bejewelled night sky. I'm scared to fall asleep lest the ghosts of dawn come to steal you away from me.

~*~

I don't hit back as the spells fly toward me, blinding me with pain. The taste of blood rises in my mouth as I crumple and fall upon the soft, pillowing snow. In the distance I can hear his footsteps hurrying towards me. At last, he comes to me. At last, it's not in my dreams.

"Why don't you hit back? Why don't you defend yourself?" he cries furiously. "Get up!"

I smile weakly as I hear the wings coming for me, beyond the abyss. "Come closer Potter, let me look at you," I hear myself say.

He kneels before me with tears in his eyes. I can feel the warm droplets fall upon my numbing skin. I cannot see them anymore, those sparkling green eyes that never ceased to mesmerise me. Only darkness now, the threat of oblivion looms ever closer. But I won't tell him that I cannot gaze upon him one last time.

"You're just as I remember you," I whisper softly, "in my dreams."

~*~

His head rests in my lap as my tears flow without end. They splatter onto his ivory skin like rain hitting the window. The colour fades from his eyes; even greyness can fade. I cling to him like I do in my dreams, not wanting to let go.

"This is exactly the way I wanted it to end," he whispers. "Here, with you."

I feel the emptiness before I see you're gone. For a moment I lie there without moving, thinking that my awakening is a dream. I close my eyes then open them slowly, expecting to see you there beside me, still sleeping peacefully in my arms. But then I wake, a second time that morning, and realise it had all been a dream. You were never here.

~*~

I wake to find to find myself alone in the void. A place to cannot follow. I call out to you in the darkness. In the eternal prison I wait, I wait for you my love. Always. It breaks my heart to see you sad. Down by my grave where you rest, draped across my headstone. Don't weep my love. It's too late now for me to close the distance between us. But be patient for there is eternity. And death heals all wounds. Think of me and I will wait for you.

I awaken in the real world to find him gone. The dream fades with the darkness as the light burns me from the inside. I never dream of him again, nor feel his caresses deep in the night. He is no longer of this world, and I am no longer alive.

~*~

I am coming for you.