Found

I remember it like it was yesterday. The sight that grazed my eyes was shocking, but surprisingly no tears came. I should have expected it really, after all that was said and done. But somehow it still hadn't managed to sink in yet. In a way there are moments in my life that I can pinpoint exactly. Memories that seemed to jump out at me; that were so vivid it was almost as if my mind was telling me that this was part of a chain of events.

My mind was sorting out the memories. Figuring out a conclusion of what happened to him. That would have led to his to his catatonic predicament.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I set you apart.

It was the last night of term in my 6^th Year, and we had just finished making love. My head was on his stomach, while my fingertips were tracing patterns delicately on his smooth pale thigh. I was blissfully happy, and earlier on in the day I realised something, I think this was the turning point in our relationship.

I don't fall in love very easily. Yes, I have crushes, and yes I have lusty thoughts, but what other sixteen-year-old boy doesn't. To find love? Well, that was a different matter completely, but somehow I managed to find it with him and I told him so.

I told him while I was still tracing patterns that I loved him. His body tensed, he shut himself down, recoiled and shoved me off him. The only thing I could do was lay sprawled on the bottom of his bed, naked and shivering from the lack of heat that his warm body had provided

I was shocked, who wouldn't be? You have just laid your heart and soul on the table, waiting with your breath held for him to say those simple words back. He didn't, He just sat there, looking at me with his grey eyes, his lips pressed into a tight thin line.

We argued that night. But it was different from how we normally argued because he held all the cards this time and I was left with nothing. He asked me why I did it, why would I say those things to him. Why was I fucking up our relationship.

By then the anger and the hurt had settled in taking over, I answered icily that I had indeed fucked up this joke of a relationship, where in his eyes two people who are antagonistic to one another, who fuck each other almost daily, are just that in plain black and white. No tender feelings whatsoever.

Now he was the one that looked taken aback, with his hair all mussed up and his eyes flashing around the room for possible exits. He must have realised how ridiculous he was being.

I asked him why he couldn't say those words back to me. I guess I had pushed him to his breaking point, where the metaphoric glass shatters; his reply was devastatingly simple:

"I don't love you, Potter."

I told him, in my anger and pain that he should fuck off and become a Death Eater because they don't have hearts, that he should fit right in there. He could enjoy being someone's ventriloquist puppet, just pull a few strings and, hey! Look at what a good sheep he is.

I left him that night.

Figures that the one time I told him he should do something in my rage, he actually went and complied with my wishes. News moved fast and one day in the summer holidays I got a letter from him, telling me that I should be happy now. But I wasn't. I still loved him and just hearing that from him almost broke my heart.

Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions

Oh lets go back to the start.

I never wanted to be a hero; to be placed so high I represented everyone's unreachable pedestal makes life hard to bear He was the first person to see me as me. Not some superhero, saviour of the Wizarding World, or the Golden Boy of Gryffindor. He just saw me as Harry, and for some inexplicable reason that was disturbing. I had built an image of myself and one day he came and destroyed it, making me feel stripped to the bone. He would probably be the first, last, and only person to do this to me.

So this, in a way was my fall from grace. The boy who lived couldn't even hold a relationship down.

All summer I thought of him. I wondered if he was still alive, if he was still the Draco that I had fallen in love with. I got my answers pretty soon.

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard.

When we arrived back from the holidays I knew things had changed between us. We were both different people, and as I reflect on it, the idea of us working things out and being together was just wishful thinking on my part. He had learned how to kill people over the summer; I had learned how to deal with loving someone who could never love me back. It hit me just how different we both were. We had both grown up, we couldn't be the Harry and Draco of last year. We were the Harry and Draco of now, and somehow we managed to get through all of our final year without being with one another.

Tell me you love me,

Come back and haunt me.

The whole school knew something had happened between us, but they just thought that we were enemies, and very bitter ones at that. We were painted black and white. He was the bad guy and I was the good guy. There was no room for grey.

Nobody said it was easy,

Oh such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be so hard.

The war was over.

Voldemort was finally dead. I had been expected to kill him, but in the end it wasn't me that did it. Strangely enough it was Snape who did, he was tired of being a puppet, he knew that he would never be free from Voldemort, even if he were dead. So he made a plan and set it into motion. He cast a very complex charm where if the caster of it died then the recipient would die too. Voldemort in his stupidity cast Avada Kedavra on Snape and well....

Snape always was a very clever man.

The last time I talked to Draco was a week after the war was over; enough bitter words were said to one another throughout it. But I still loved him.

We were all attending the funeral of Snape, and I spotted him sitting there; the only thing about him in motion was his blond hair blowing in the crisp autumn wind. He looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, which I really suppose he did. His father, his mother, his friend, and his Lord were all dead and yet he was still there alive and unscathed.

I waited until the end of the service to pay my respects to Snape. He had been a great man and in a way he had freed me of my former unwanted title. I could now live my life the way I wanted to. I knelt down and I placed a Moonstone on his grave.

I stood up and brushed the decaying leaves off my robes. When I looked up, He was there watching me. He closed his eyes and after a few seconds opened them again, offering me a half smile that almost gave me the impression that he didn't infact want to smile but he knew that he had to anyway.

That smile was asking for forgiveness for the past year and a half. I smiled back and nodded, but in my heart of hearts I knew that it was still over between us. Our paths had been made and were set in stone. We had but to follow them now.

He closed his eyes once more and inhaled. Even to this day, I still have no clue what he was thinking about. When he opened his eyes again a decision had apparently been made.

Draco walked up towards me and cupped my cheek, the pad of his thumb running softly along my bottom lip. He leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on my lips before looking deeply into my eyes.

Even then I still loved looking in his eyes. People think that they must shine with colours, that they can't be just grey. A colour so plain for such a beautiful man's face. But in reality there was nothing special about them, they were just ordinary. When he looked at me however it wasn't ordinary that he made me feel happy.

.

The trance for those few seconds I had been given staring into his window to his soul was broken. Like we both now were. His eyelashes lowered, more than likely ashamed of how little restraint he had left.

I thought he wasn't going to stop when turned his back to me and started walking away. But he turned his head around to me and spoke in the quietest voice I have ever heard him use:

"Goodbye."

And I let him walk away.

No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm going back to the start

Going to the Manor was strange; everything was quiet. Dead. The strange thing was it was Summer and the trees were barren and the ground dry. It was like an omen.

The reason why I went there, on that exact day, is still a mystery to me. I just had this urge to go and see him one more time. To prove to myself that it was well and truly over. That the last nail on the coffin of our past had been sealed. What a funny play of words I chose to use then. I guess this is where I started telling you this story.

His funeral was held three days after I found him. It was sunny on that day, and I was the only person there apart from the priest, who of course was a wizard. After the Priest had left I placed a Moonstone and Rose Quartz on his head stone. And whispered goodbye to him.

The Ministry official said it was suicide and I knew they were telling the truth. He had hung himself with his Slytherin tie.

Always the one for irony.

I guess he felt like Avada Kedavra was too easy for him, after all of the things he had done.

When I think about it now, I should have been kicking and screaming.

But I wasn't.

Wishing that I had gotten there a day earlier that it wouldn't have happened.

But it did and I can't change that.

Not even with a time turner. He wouldn't have wanted that, and I respected him, loved him enough not to do it. The reason why was this. He had done so much wrong to people that he figured there wasn't anything good he could do.

But there was.

You see he left me a message, something he knew I always wanted to hear. Almost as if he knew I would be the first one to find him. I guess if he couldn't say the words to me when he was alive, then he could at least tell me the words when he was dead.

The Message was a simple one.

'I love you, I'm sorry.'

We were both sorry.

I loved him with everything I had, and now I at least know that he loved me back.

So, this was the end of our story. Sometimes I wish it would be like the fairytales, you know happy endings and all that crap that you seem to see in most stories these days.

But this was my story and I didn't have the happy ending that everybody thought I would have had with the perfect mate.

I just had an Ending.

Fin