The Moon Will Shine

Oh, the moon.

I have always loved the moon, and I still do love it. I suppose it was because of what went along with the moon: midnight adventures, being with the best friends a bloke could ever have, and the freedom to live.

Now the moon brings sorrow and pain and worry and grief. The moon always seems too hard to deal with, especially after...

After...

I CAN'T say it! It's too painful to think about!

The moon always shines brightly whenever I let myself dwell on the past and the should haves and the could haves and the why didn't I's. It shines--bright rays of reflected sun, not even powerful in its own right. I don't like the sun, not that I see it now, but I didn't before because that's when the adventures are over and the truth is shown. Or isn't. Isn't shown. Isn't shown. Isn't shown. WHY?

You know, the moon was bright on the night...

On the night... On that night. The moon shone on me, and the moon made me realize what I had lost. No more adventures.

Oh, how I wish that night was a bad adventure, and we could just shake it off and laugh, and be punished, and I wish it was just us going back to the dorms before McGonagall found us.

McGonagall never found us, no, never, she wouldn't dare! We were great, we were invincible! James, oh James, he was infallible and brilliant and he would never have left me!

Damn this place; it is a crazy place. Everyone yells and screams about all the nasty things they have ever done, all the lives they have ever ruined, and they relive it every night without any happiness.

Not me, oh not I, never me! I am innocent, truly innocent. What, what was the horrible thing that I did? Why am I here in this psychotic prison? The most horrible thing - I convinced James and Lily to let Peter be Secret Keeper! Now James and Lily are dead. I knew if I could lead Voldemort to me, then they surely wouldn't suspect Peter, the Peter who gave them away.

"GOD DAMN YOU, PETER! I WILL GET YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ALL OF US!"

It's cold. I hate it here so much, because here I am unable to take care of him. He probably thinks I am the murderer, but who am I to argue? I am the murderer. I ruined his life! Just...what if I would've been the Secret Keeper?

I know what would be happening! I would be at James and Lily's house, celebrating Harry's ninth birthday, letting him ride my motorbike, secretly letting him cast spells with James' wand, and I'd be there and I'd be his Godfather. I'd love him as if he was my own son. I do love him as if he was my own, and that is why it hurts so much. Oh God, that I'm not there taking care of him!

"I'M NOT THERE FOR HIM!"

It's so painful. They, everyone thinks I killed them, and Peter, and the Muggles.

James loved all things Muggle. Every since he discovered Lily everything Muggle fascinated him. Everything! And James would show off and ask Lily to do something with him all the time. He loved her, truly loved her. I think Lily loved him all along. All along...

"GOD DAMN IT, PETER! GOD DAMN YOU! RUINED! RUINED! RUINED! I'LL NEVER SEE JAMES AGAIN!"

And Remus, poor Remus. He's all alone now, and it's a full moon tonight. Moony is all alone, when we could've had another adventure. I could've been Padfoot, and there would be Prongs but there would be no Wormtail. He ruined it. Peter doesn't deserve to have adventures, especially not with James.

I wonder how Harry is doing, right now at this moment. I wonder how his life is, I wonder who got to keep him, I wonder if he's really happy. When Harry was a baby, he looked like James, but he had Lily's eyes. Such a bright green, and unnaturally so, but wonderfully beautiful. I wonder if Harry is living well, and if he's tall, and if he's playing and running and laughing. I wonder if he is happy, and I wonder if he knows that he lived when his parents didn't make it. I wonder... I wonder if he knows I'm the one responsible for him having no parents.

"The Dark Lord will reward me, and he'll know I was his faithful servant."

I should not be in here with them, I shouldn't be...

Dumbledore was here when they locked me up. Old Dumbledore, staring at me with eyes I wasn't accustomed to. He wasn't benevolently smiling at James and me for blowing up something, he looked like he hated me, Dumbledore looked like he wished I were dead. Dumbledore blamed me, too. Everyone blamed me...

I want to be there when Harry kills Voldemort! I want to be there to hold Harry after, and I want to tell him that he avenged his parents, and that Harry can do whatever he wants now, because Harry defeated Voldemort!

I know Harry will kill Voldemort, and as much as I would love to be the one to do it, I won't. Harry is Voldemort's equal, and Harry will be Voldemort's undoing. I want to be there for that. I want to be there to laugh at Voldemort in his face.

Because Voldemort saw to it to kill James and Lily on his own. He did it himself, and I want to be there when Harry goes after him.

And you know what? The moon will shine whenever Harry defeats him. Him, the man who killed them... If he is even a man. If Voldemort has a soul he can be defeated!

James. I loved James. He was the brother I always wanted, and he let me live with him, to let my dream come true. When I went home with him, and lived with him, and that day, we were truly brothers.

I just wish... I just wish he were alive with me here today, but since, since he cannot be, I want to be with him. I want to be with him so we can be brothers again. I know that is what James would have thought. Yet, I cannot. There is Harry. I am going to be there for Harry.

Oh, look at the full moon; it's going to shine the night I leave, the night I finally will get to see Harry.