Reconstruction of a Death Eater

Chapter 18 - Little Choice

When Severus woke, he was wrapped around a warm body, not a position he found himself in very often these days. Lying very still, he surveyed the room, noting the dirty windows and scrupulously clean curtains, before slowly freeing himself and sitting up on one elbow. Remus Lupin? Remus Lupin! He must have made some sort of gasp as the werewolf blinked awake and half smiled before his expression turned apprehensive.

"Sev?"

"My name is Severus, werewolf! What the hell are you doing here?" Snape demanded, scooting back as far as the narrow bed would allow. He refused to pull the blankets up to his chin like some Victorian heroine in a badly penned romantic epic.

"You came to me last night when you had a nightmare and... stayed," Remus said slowly, taking in the hardened light in his eyes and the distasteful twist to his lips. "What is the last thing you remember, Severus?"

"I... I answered the Lord's call... and he was angry with everyone. He used the Cruciatus Curse on everyone, indiscriminately. I... I fell but I managed to walk out and...." He broke off as a new flood of memories washed over him, horror, dismay and amusement vying for position on his brow until amazement finally won out. "Merlin protect me! I... you... Tonks is an idiot," he said finally, making Remus giggle nervously.

"Not exactly what I expected. Roger thought you might regain your memories in a rush and said it may cause you to have a headache while everything slotted back into perspective. How do you feel?"

"Like a migraine is just around the corner," Severus muttered, rubbing a temple where a vein jumped erratically. "I... Lupin, I.... Can you kill me now, or do I have to.... Oh Merlin!"

Remus sighed as he eased out of bed and found a dressing gown. Locating his wand, he conjured a pot of chocolate and handed Severus a cup, which the other wizard stared at as if seeing one for the first time. Severus looked up to meet Remus' eyes with a puzzled frown then down at the rich beverage again before managing to take a sip. Remus smiled uneasily then carefully sat down beside the dark wizard, ready to bounce up and back away if Severus reacted adversely to his presence. "Chocolate helps," he murmured encouragingly and managed a real smile as Severus glared at him but continued to sip the brew in short, sharp sips.

"Why you?" Severus asked suddenly, pinning the werewolf to the spot with hard, black eyes that demanded a true answer. "Why were you chosen to look after me while I was... incapacitated?"

"It was me or St Mungo's special ward, and Molly would not let you go there in case the Death Eaters took you while you were unable to defend yourself properly, or at all. You were frightening people and I have a private room, so you were assigned to me while I was on the sick list. You were a good, er, child, er, patient, er..."

Severus glared, smirked, then shook his head. "I can remember drawing in the library with you... and other things. I... felt very safe and protected, not a thing I am used to feeling, I do assure you. Tonks argued with me about potions, the stupid girl, and we sang a lot of songs, didn't we? I have not sung since... my mother died. I... I have not been myself, have I?"

"You survived an ordeal that should have killed you, would have killed a lesser man of a certainty. You are something special, Severus Snape, something very, very special."

A faint blush touched Severus' cheeks for a second before he frowned and bit his lip. "We, er, we were, er, intimate last night, weren't we?"

Remus nodded cautiously. "I... you came to me, I did not take advantage, I swear," Remus promised faithfully.

There was a long silence as Severus ruminated on this, then he nodded slowly. "I... remember. You have cared for me, for all my needs, even when I was totally helpless and incapable of even taking care of the most basic bodily functions. And you made no jokes about me, simply dealing with my incapacity as a matter of course." Severus stared at the bowed honey-blond head in amazement, a deeper and more certain feeling stirring in his mind and heart. Reaching forward with long, thin fingers, he raised Remus' chin and met his eyes, a softness entering his own as he slowly leaned forward and kissed the werewolf gently, carefully. "It was not something I would expect," he murmured. The gentleness did not last as their passions caught fire, weeks of interaction finally reaching a gestalt of adult emotions too complex to analyse in a fraction of a second.

They made love as equals in the early morning light, both giving and taking completely, sharing their bodies and worshipping each other with unstinting joy. Remus had never felt so alive or complete, his whole being concentrated on the single person who made his world perfect and beautiful. The wolf, only days from the full moon, rose to take dominance, the need to bond and mate becoming urgent.

Severus lifted his head to stare at the golden eyes glowing in the face that seemed more wolfish in the early light, his sense of Legilimency reaching out to enter the man's mind and look the wolf in the eye. It was not a savage beast as it had been the last time he looked at it, but a protective, nurturing pack mate who would kill or die to protect him from any harm. Seeing the beast as a friend and ally, Severus acknowledged it and bent to kiss Remus firmly as he entered his body in one smooth thrust. The wolf took Severus to its heart, enfolding and accepting him; accepting the mating bond, accepting the tall, thin man as his mate forever.

They slept, curled around each other, the bond they had created growing firmer and more entrenched, more permanent and binding, at least on Remus' part although it did not bind Severus in the same way. When he awoke some three hours later, Severus rose carefully so as not to disturb the sleeping man who looked even smaller and frailer in his vulnerable position. Gentle fingers smoothed a curl away from Remus' brow and a faint sigh gusted out as Severus straightened. He knew what he had to do, what he had to accomplish to make himself a perfect spy once again and to keep his beautiful mate safe.

Slipping into his clothes and gliding from the room, Severus made his way downstairs, noting the hole in the wall where Mrs Black's picture had been. He ghosted into the kitchen and surprised Molly at the stove, making something that smelled delicious for dinner.

"Oh, Severus, you startled me. Is Remus sleeping still? This close to moon he should be gathering his strength, he had such a bad time last month," Molly chattered as she stirred the stew.

"Yes, Remus is sleeping, but I cannot stay; I have to get back to You-Know-Who and show my front again," Severus replied heavily.

Molly whipped around to stare at the tall man, seeing the hardness about his mouth and the tightness in his eyes. "Severus, you... you are yourself again, aren't you? Oh dear, how is Remus taking it? I... you haven't--" She broke off, unable to continue as the black eyes turned flint hard.

"Thank you for your care and concern, I... appreciate it," Severus replied stiffly but before he could continue, Remus burst into the room and skidded to a stop, relief flicking across his face when he spotted Severus.

"I was worried," he muttered, ducking his head. "I... you were gone."

"I have to go back, there is a faint sense of curiosity in my Mark, and I need time to prepare myself to face the Dark Lord again. After all, he is as good at Legilimency as I am, perhaps even better in some ways," he added sourly as the werewolf approached cautiously and stood very close, not quite touching, but....

"Can he hurt you, will he hurt you again? Do you really have to go back and face him so soon?"

Severus turned away and strode off, back toward their room, away from the audience that was slowly assembling as the inhabitants of 12 Grimmauld Place came down for lunch. Remus hurried after him as he thrust the nearest door open and whirled around to confront the werewolf with a grim face. "I am not a fool, Remus Lupin, nor a child to be coddled and protected, regardless of the past few days..."

"...weeks..."

"...weeks," Severus acknowledged from between gritted teeth. "If I go back to Voldemort smelling of wolf and orange-blossom - even figuratively - he is going to destroy everything we have, everything we have shared. Tom Riddle always was a jealous creature and his time as a disembodied soul has only intensified the very worst of his characteristics. He is a genuine monster, Lupin, the like of which this world has never seen, and I feel I am partially responsible for creating him. He dabbles in demon sacrifice and blood rites. If he is not stopped, he will destroy the world; not just our magical world but the whole of the earth. I love you and care for you, but you are merely one man against such a terrifying fate. As much as it will destroy me, it is a small sacrifice to make if it will bring about his downfall before he grows any stronger. I hope you can understand, and perhaps forgive me."

Remus whined, biting his lip as he watched his mate pace the threadbare hearthrug in short, jerky strides. Intellectually he agreed with Severus, but emotionally he was being slowly torn apart. "What will you do?" he managed to ask past the obstruction in his throat.

Severus stopped and stared at him, sorrow and anguish softening his features for a moment before he straightened again. "I must gather everything we have shared and wall it away in the deepest recesses of my mind where it will be safe from discovery. I hesitate to brag, but not even Tom Riddle managed to penetrate all my defences, even when we were..."

"...lovers?" Remus asked, no accusation in his voice, just sadness and loss.

Nodding slowly, Snape moved forward and carefully wrapped a long arm around the smaller man, pressing his slim length to his heart for a final time. "Yes, many years ago we were lovers as well as friends, and I worshipped the ground he walked upon without thought or distinction. But then he turned, cutting up his soul and feeding it to demons to gain more power, using others' souls in ways that were abhorrent to any thinking man. So, I lost respect for him. You know what they say about a love gone sour? Yes, well, I suppose I am a cliché case." Severus snorted derisively; self-disgust colouring his tone as he eased the smaller man away from him. "So you see, my dear wolf, I have a history of destroying anyone and anything I love, and I fear that I would destroy you if it was necessary to accomplish my goals."

"If 'destroying' me would save you, then that's okay, but Severus, never trivialise what we have had, even if you do not remember most of it." Remus warned as he straightened away. "I love you, and I always will. Do what you have to do and we'll talk again, once this stupid war is over. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Severus nodded sadly and watched as the wolf left before hurrying away himself.

~~*~~

"Did you hear, Professor Snape is back to his usual nasty self again," Ron muttered to Malfoy out the side of his mouth as they shouldered past each other in the hallway.

Goyle snarled wordlessly and Pansy gave Hermione a push in passing that ricocheted her off Malfoy's shoulder. Then the two parties were past each other, heading in opposite directions. Hermione felt the crackle of parchment in her hand where Draco had passed her a note but was not brave enough to look at it just yet. She felt eyes on her and glanced up to meet Harry's knowing smile, a faint answering smile of her own just touching her lips.

The note asked her to meet him in the library that evening after dinner, and she was there in plenty of time to see him push around the stacks and into their small island of solitude and privacy. He wasted no time on formalities, grabbing her around the waist and twirling her around in silent exuberance. "Did you hear that Uncle Severus has recovered all his faculties again? He is all better!" the usually supercilious boy said with real joy in his eyes. "He flooed into Malfoy Manor this afternoon, still weak but getting better, my father said in his note. It seems he managed to find a medi-witch who was a Dark Lord sympathiser to look after him once he crawled away from the meeting. I'll get the rest of the story if I go home for the weekend, but so far it seems to be holding up."

"Oh, I'm so glad for you," Hermione gushed, laying her head against his chest and hugging him tightly. "Now you can relax a little, can't you?"

Draco drew a deep breath then blew it out gustily. "No, now the worry changes to another sort. Now I have to hope that Uncle Severus is strong enough in his mind to resist the Dark Lord's Legilimency, or we are both toast. I have to hope the Dark Lord doesn't look into my head and see just how much of a part I played in Uncle Severus' disappearance. In fact, I had better be sure I don't come under the Lord's eye in any way because what is in my head, even just being here with you, is enough to get me and my family killed."

"Then we must not do this again," Hermione said decisively, pulling back from him, but he refused to let her go.

"It's too late to go back, Wild Hair; it was too late when I went into that week-long training session with you lot in the Room of Requirement. All I can do now is stay away from as many meetings as possible and pray the Lord does not demand any explanations from me. It sort of destroys my usefulness as a spy, but better to lose some information than give the Lord what I have in my head."

"Can you avoid the meetings?"

"Well, that's where I hope Professor McGonagall will come in useful," Draco said calculatingly, as he eased them both into chairs, retaining a hold on her hand. "I want her to forbid me to leave the school under any circumstances; in fact, I want her to forbid most of the students to leave. I don't know what excuse she can give but she really needs to get one happening before my father calls me out and all the plans are disrupted."

"And will he call you home?"

Draco sighed again. "I just don't know," he confessed heavily.

~~*~~

The letter was sent out on rich, heavy parchment to every parent of a child in Hogwarts. The main train line between Hogsmeade and the south had been attacked and destroyed by Death Eaters. In itself, this was not terribly significant but, when taken into account with a lot of other recent incidents, the school board had decided to cancel all student activity over the next twelve months. At first they had planned to close the school completely, but after due consideration they decided it was probably safer to have the students protected by the magical defences around Hogwarts than isolated and vulnerable in their homes. No child would be granted weekend leave from school during term time, and all Hogsmeade weekends were cancelled for the duration. No child would leave the Hogwarts grounds unattended by either a parent or a teacher. The Hogwarts Express would no longer run between Hogwarts and London. Instead, each parent had to floo in and pick up their child, then they would both be flooed directly to their home from the Great Hall, or in the case of Muggle-borns, to the nearest Aurory and from there be escorted home.

"What does she think she is doing?" Pansy complained bitterly as she read her copy of the letter.

"Saving the hoards of ickle kiddies from the nasty old Dark Lord, of course," Draco drawled sarcastically. "Well, that puts a crimp in my weekend plans. I can't see my father or mother flooing into this place to get me, can you?"

Crabbe snorted, Pansy giggled and a few seconds later Goyle got the joke and laughed along uncertainly, not sure why Draco's parents would be reluctant to get him.

In Gryffindor there was a similar sense of uneasiness, but for a different reason.

"My parents are going to go spare," Hermione said flatly, her frown thoughtful. "How on earth am I going to explain it to them?"

"You can always floo home with us and meet them at the Burrow," Ginny said generously, chewing the end of her quill thoughtfully. "Mum and Dad won't notice a few extra bodies around the place, and I know Mum gets on really well with your mum."

"Looks like I'm here for the duration then," Harry chuckled, scribbling another sentence on his Divination homework scroll. "Well, I can't see my aunt or uncle taking kindly to me turning up with an Auror escort for the holidays, nor coming to get me out of school for the weekend, can you?"

His friends laughed uneasily, but no one disagreed with him as they all turned back to their homework to hide the small hints of triumph they felt. Professor McGonagall had risen to the occasion magnificently!