Before He Cheats: Ginny's Remix

Before He Cheats: Ginny's Remix

Ginny Weasley was waiting at a table in Madam Puddifoot's tea shop. She was tapping her foot rather impatiently. Checking her watch, she sighed. I'll give him two more minutes, she thought. The wizarding world had calmed down since Voldemort had been defeated a year ago. Now in her final year, Ginny had started going out with a graduate in last year's class. She had kept it a secret, because her family - notably, Ron - would not have approved. She was wondering what was keeping her boyfriend tonight; he was rarely, if ever, late. He had never run this late before, and always had a good excuse.

She was so lost in thought, she didn't notice she was being addressed until a somewhat large hand prodded her. She jumped and looked up into the curious eyes of Millicent Bulstrode. Normally, the Slytherin girl was a rather angry-looking girl; there had been rumors around school that she had a Permanent Scowl Charm on her face. However, Millicent was not wearing her trademark scowl; she was looking at Ginny with something akin to interest.

"Dare I ask what you're waiting for?" asked the heavy-set girl, sitting down across from Ginny.

"Waiting on a date," replied Ginny truthfully.

Millicent sighed. "How long have you been waiting?"

"He's fifty-eight minutes late," came the response.

"Ouch," winced the Slytherin in sympathy. "It's not easy when a guy stands you up. Who were you waiting for, again?"

Ginny sighed for what seemed to her to be the umpteenth time. "Draco Malfoy."

Millicent's eyes went wide, and then she shook her head. "Oh, dear, no wonder you've been waiting," she muttered. Noticing Ginny's curious glance, she explained. "I saw him with Pansy Parkinson in the Three Broomsticks."

"What?!" Ginny snarled. "Why that...that...OOH!" With that, she stormed out of the tea shop with such vehemence that Madam Puddifoot frowned. Millicent sighed. She herself had been waiting on a date, but for only ten minutes. She decided to wait a little longer...

Ten minutes later, her vigil was rewarded. Neville Longbottom wandered in, looking around helplessly. Millicent whistled, and he bounded faithfully over. "I'm sorry I'm late, I had to find something to wear," he said quickly. He was dressed in his dress robes over what she believed to be a tuxedo. Millicent laughed.

"Oh, Neville, this place isn't nearly so formal as all that. You're attracting stares just dressing up like that," she said. Neville blushed, but an interruption came in the form of Ginny, wearing a peculiarly satisfied smirk.

"What's got you in a good mood, Ginny?" asked Neville. Ginny sat down, still smirking.

"Well, I paid Malfoy back for cheating on me," she said.

Millicent snickered. She knew how nasty Ginny could be when she put her mind to it. "Do tell," she pressed. Ginny grinned, and began:

Right now, he's probably slow-dancing with a pug-faced tramp

And she's probably getting frisky

Right now, he's probably buying her a butterbeer bottle

'Cause she can't shoot whiskey

Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool stick

Showing her how to shoot a combo

And he don't know...

***

That I drove ten nails one by one

Into the handle of his Nimbus 2001

Carved my name into that broomstick's seat

I took a Severing Charm to the twigs in the tail

Sent them to the US through the mail

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

***

Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version

Of Weird Sister karaoke

Right now, she's probably saying I'm drunk, and he's a-thinkin'

That he's gonna get lucky

Right now, he's probably betting on thirty Sickles' worth

Of that bathroom cologne

Oh, and he don't know...

***

That I drove ten nails one by one

Into the handle of his Nimbus 2001

Carved my name into that broomstick's seat

I took a Severing Charm to the twigs in the tail

Sent them to the US through the mail

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

***

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl

'Cause the next time that he cheats,

You know it won't be on me...

No, not on me...

***

'Cause I drove ten nails one by one

Into the handle of his Nimbus 2001

Carved my name into that broomstick's seat

I took a Severing Charm to the twigs in the tail

Sent them to the US through the mail

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Oh, maybe next time he'll think...before he cheats...

Before he cheats...

Millicent was grinning like an idiot, and Neville was smiling too. As Ginny wrapped up the song, the tea shop exploded into applause. Ginny bowed, then sat back down. Checking her watch, she began counting, "10...9...8..."

She kept counting down. When she hit zero, right on cue, there was a scream of rage from the direction of the Three Broomsticks. The three teenagers burst into laughter. Then, there was a shout.

"WHEN I FIND WHO DID THIS, I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!" Ginny fell onto her face in shock. Didn't she make it obvious that this was her handiwork?

"I'll go sort it out, and tell him off in the process," Ginny said. She stood, and exited the tea shop again. Millicent and Neville snickered some more.

"Vindictive, isn't she?" asked Millicent.

"This is a slow day for her, according to her brothers," replied Neville. "Ron says she takes out her frustration on something four or five times daily."

"Well, now we know why they're called 'fiery' redheads, eh?" quipped the girl. She held out her arm, asking, "Shall we survey the carnage?"

Neville smiled, and took her arm, adding, "From a safe distance, of course..."

"Well, that goes without saying," Millicent agreed. The pair stood and exited as well, and headed off in the direction of the Three Broomsticks. They saw Ginny a little bit ahead of them, and a blonde figure currently hexing anyone in spell range. Many people were fleeing the area. When Draco saw Ginny, he stopped.

"Virginia, darling, I'm somewhat in a bad mood at the moment," he said, dropping the angry voice.

Ginny looked around, noting how many people had been Stunned, or otherwise cursed. "I noticed," she said dryly.

"Someone went and ruined my perfectly good Nimbus 2001 racing broom," he complained. "I don't know who would do something like this."

"Aside from anyone you've hexed over the years?" asked Neville. "That narrows it down a lot." He, Millicent, and Ginny snickered at that. Draco's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything, as Ginny picked up the badly-beaten broomstick, and showed him the handle, where the words 'Virginia Weasley' could clearly be seen. His jaw dropped as they registered.

"You...? Why...?" He suddenly seemed incapable of coherent speech.

"Because Millicent was kind enough to inform me that you were sharing a drink or two with Pansy Parkinson," she replied.

"Millie?!" Pansy's shrill voice screeched. She was at the entrance to the Three Broomsticks, staring in disbelief at her former House-mate.

"Personally Pansy, you really need to get a lesson in subtlety. You could have just denied it," the heavy-set girl replied.

Ginny grinned. "And, as a special treat from me..." She raised her wand. Draco and Pansy gulped. This couldn't be good.

***Notes***

A songfic with a cliffhanger. Moreover, a songfic in which a character is actually singing the song. How unusual. Surprised at Ginny's temper? Don't be. You know what Ron is like, as well as Mrs. Weasley when she's mad. The idea for Millicent and Neville to come together came from my cousin Doomspark's fic "Catspaws." You can read and review that fic as well as his other works at www.doomspark.com.

I, of course, do not own anything from the Potterverse. I also do not own the song Ginny's remix is based off of, which is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats." My apologies to Carrie for Potterizing one of her songs, but hey! I though it would make a great story. If you want to hear the song (and watch the stellar video that goes with it) head on over to www.cmt.com. "Before He Cheats" was written by Chris Tompkins and Josh Kear.

Will I write other songfics? Will any other unfortunate boy feel the wrath of a maddened witch? Well, only time will tell, I'm afraid. As for Draco and Pansy's fates...use your imagination! Ciao!