What do you mean I'm a girl?!

Part 5: Plots

McGonagall stepped out of the chamber, closing the door behind her. She spoke a word and the amulet embedded in the wall slowly rose to the surface, letting her pick it up and replace it around her neck. McGonagall turned around to make her way back up through the winding maze to Knockturn Alley. She shifted into her animagus form and made her way back to Diagon Alley. Once in Diagon Alley, she looked around until she spotted an empty alley where she could change back into her human form. She cast a quick cleaning charm over herself to get rid of the grime she swore she felt sticking all over her skin. She then strode into the street and headed for Flourish and Blotts to find Harry.

McGonagall entered Flourish and Blotts, which was full of people with stacks of books blocking part of her view of the crowd. She was craning her neck, trying to spot a small, auburn-haired girl in the crowd. Suddenly, she was startled by a voice in her ear. "Looking for something?" a very familiar voice purred in a low and velvety tone. McGonagall started at the sudden sound and just barely managed to keep herself from jumping out of her skin. Snape would be insufferably smug and smirking for the whole week if he got a reaction out of her.

"Now, Severus..." McGonagall started, turning around to face Snape and give him a piece of her mind. However, she trailed off, closing her mouth rather abruptly with a click as she noticed the rather sheepish looking Harry who she had been searching for, standing right next to him. McGonagall stared blankly at Harry in shock, her mind whirling wildly with all the implications. Snape looked like the cat that got the canary, the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

"What... how?" McGonagall managed to get out faintly.

Snape positively... grinned, an expression on his face never seen before by most people. "That's for me to know and you to find out."

McGonagall looked faintly affronted. She huffed and gained her composure back quickly. "Well then, if there's nothing else, we should get back to Hogwarts." She marched out, Harry and Snape following behind, Snape still looking immensely pleased with himself. They all flooed back to Hogwarts.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

Harry dumped his bags down upon reaching his dorm, which was empty except for his presence and sorted out all of his purchases. Most of it consisted of clothing, which was sent to the house elves for cleaning before use. He flopped down on his bed and considered the most peculiar day he had had. First he had woken up to find himself changed into a girl thanks to a family curse no one had seen fit to tell him about. Although he could see why no one had thought it was necessary to tell him about it. The conditions of the curse were such that he would not have been expected to be afflicted with the curse. His mother would have to be related to the Potter line for him to get it. And since his mother had come from a Muggle family, it had seemed highly improbable that he would have the curse, but yet he did, as was evident now.

Harry frowned. There was something about the whole situation that seemed slightly off but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it. Professor Snape seemed to know more than he was letting on and he just couldn't accept the explanation that some relative somewhere up the line might have gone into Muggle society. That just seemed too... neat to be true.

Harry was sure that there was much more hidden beneath the surface, the only thing was, how would he dig it out?

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

McGonagall strode up and down her office, frowning contemplatively. She was extremely curious how Snape had managed to figure out that Harry had turned into a girl. As far as she knew, only herself, Dumbledore and Pomfrey were aware of James predicament when he was in school. She could always ask him, but from the smug look on his face earlier, she didn't think he would explain it to her satisfaction. He had always liked keeping his secrets to himself and occasionally dropping maddening little hints. McGonagall shrugged. She would try anyway... and if he didn't tell her, well... all the more fun trying to squeeze it out of him.

McGonagall left her office for the staff room where she knew she would be able to find Snape having his dinner there. With only a few staff and students left at Hogwarts, they usually didn't use the Great Hall for meals, but normally had meals in their own rooms or dorms.

As expected, Snape was in his usual seat, reading a book whilst absently eating from the plate in front of him. He was so engrossed in the book he didn't even look up at her entrance. McGonagall sat herself down in a chair directly opposite him and waited. Ten minutes passed by and he didn't even look up from his book. She cleared her throat loudly, impatient with waiting.

"What do you want, woman?" Snape finally deigned to notice her existence.

"Where did you bump into Potter earlier at Diagon Alley?" McGonagall asked, deciding to lead up to what she wanted to know.

Snape huffed, "I'll have you know that he bumped into me with his usual tendency to be clumsy. He came hurtling around a corner with no regard as to who might be coming from the other side and sent all of my things flying all over the place. He was just fortunate none of those things were breakable."

"But how did you recognize him? It's not like he actually looked like his usual self."

Snape looked at her condescendingly, "Surely I am not blind. Even with Potter's... change, his features bear a certain resemblance. Since I know that he has no female relatives of his age, hence I concluded it must be Potter himself."

McGonagall arched an eyebrow and looked disbelieving, but choose not to push it any further.

Snape rose from his seat. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to retire to my quarters for some peace and quiet," he eyed McGonagall meaningfully and swept out of the room.

McGonagall tapped a finger on her lips speculatively. He had, as usual, given her something that was plausible; yet, one could tell that it was not the whole story. "Tight lipped old scrooge."

McGonagall straightened up and grinned positively fiendishly as a wonderful idea came to her on how she could get back at Snape and solve Harry's problem on explaining his female presence. "Hmmm, Mr. Potter, how would you like to be Professor Snape's daughter?" she cackled evilly, her laugh echoing around the empty staff room in a way that would have frightened even Snape had he been there to see her.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

Snape strode out of the staff room, mildly irritated at being disturbed from his book and yet pleased that he had managed to predict McGonagall's reaction correctly. She had come to probe his mind, suspicious of how he'd come by information only available to a limited few.

Snape smirked. Very few were aware of the fact that the Snape and Potter families were remotely related to each other, as the two families had kept it rather quiet and never mentioned it to any but family and close friends. His mother had told him about the curse when he was thirteen but he had thought it just an old story. At least until he had an encounter with James Potter, and found out that it was true after all.

Snape recalled one of the most... interesting events in his life, many years ago...

It had been a Hogsmeade weekend, which would usually be filled with frenzied activity on the week before by Potter and his cronies planning items to purchase for use in their pranks. However, they were more subdued than normal, with only Lupin and Pettigrew visible in class. Potter and Black were suspiciously absent and missing the entire week. This made Snape very suspicious. Surely they were not planning some new trick on the Slytherins? They did from time to time but they couldn't be so stupid as to do it now, when they could be caught and visiting privileges taken away?

Snape shrugged. You never knew with Gryffindors. The more rash ones tended to literally jump headfirst into hot soup without thinking of the consequences. Black was certainly one of those. Potter... well, Potter did have some degree of subtlety, but at times he seemed to just blindly follow Black's example and land into trouble as well. Being very curious, Snape decided to snoop around and find out what Black and Potter were up to.

He borrowed Malfoy's invisibility cloak in order to better stalk Potter and Black without them being aware of his presence. The week had passed without any unpleasant surprises for the Slytherins, which lead Snape to conclude that the two must be plotting to pull off whatever they had thought of during the weekend, when most of the students were at Hogsmeade. Snape had to admit that it would be an ideal opportunity. He planned to wait until most had left for Hogsmeade and then sneak into the Gryffindor dorm. He had managed to find out the week's password through waiting just outside the portrait to the dorm, wearing the invisibility cloak and spying on those who went in. However, in all that time, he never saw Black or Potter.

Snape waited patiently for most of the students to leave, making a loud and cheerful din as they did so. When most of them had left, leaving only a handful of students who were either unable to get permission or were simply not interested in going, he donned the invisibility cloak and slipped out quietly to the Gryffindor dorm. He gave the password to the portrait and slipped in.

What first hit him was the amount of red in the room. It seemed almost obscenely cheerful and perky. Ick. The common room was devoid of any human presence. Snape shrugged and headed for the boys sleeping quarters. Surprisingly, it was also empty. Snape frowned. Surely they couldn't be in the girls sleeping quarters? He looked anyway. It was also deserted. Snape headed back down to the common room. Potter and Black had not left for Hogsmeade, however, Lupin and Pettigrew had gone. Snape pursed his lips thoughtfully. Where else could they be? In a huge and old castle like Hogwarts, there were plenty of secret corridors and rooms, and he wouldn't even know where all of them were located much less be able to check in all of those.

Snape felt rather disconsolate. He could just feel in his bones that there was something suspicious about those two but he had not managed to sniff it out. He folded his arms and looked around, wondering what prank he could pull off on the Gryffindors to make up for his time wasted and yet not cast suspicion on himself. He was just about to cast an itching charm on the bedding when the portrait opened.

Snape immediately choose a nice dark corner to stand in where he could see everything. Even with an invisibility cloak on, he wouldn't want to be bumped into and give the game away. Standing in the middle of the room would bring about the necessity of moving around the room and making noise whilst doing so.

Black popped in and ran up to the sleeping quarters, checking the whole place. He then ran back down and opened the portrait again, "It's alright, there isn't a single soul around."

A girl suddenly appeared out of nowhere as she shed an invisibility cloak. She had reddish brown hair and a petite form. Snape assumed she was one of Black's countless girlfriends. But the thing was, where was Potter?

"It's a good thing they've all left for Hogsmeade. I was starting to get bored, cooped up in that room with nothing to do but homework," the girl said, sitting down in a chair. Her voice was vaguely familiar somehow.

Black grinned, "Yep, just your bad luck it had to be this week, huh? Or else we could have gone with Remus and Peter to Hogsmeade. The joke shop has this absolutely fabulous new trick that I've been dying to get."

The girl smiled, "Yes, well, there's always the next time. Anyway, I think the change back will be sometime tonight." Snape's ears perked up at that. Polyjuice? No, couldn't be, most students botched up the potion as it took extremely delicate skill and mastery. It was extremely expensive too and sales of it were recorded so they couldn't have purchased it either. If anything, it must be some kind of glamour.

Snape waited patiently and listened as the two chatted on inane matters. Suddenly, the girl clutched at her stomach, an expression of discomfort on her face. Black looked panicky at that action. "It's happening now?" he asked. The girl just nodded. Snape edged forward a little to see better what was happening.

The girl gasped and her features... rippled and changed in a way Snape had never seen before. Her hair shortened rapidly into her skull, changing into from reddish brown into black. Her features broadened out and rapidly transformed into a very familiar face. Potter. Snape barely managed to stifle his gasp of shock. Black immediately started fussing over Potter once the change was complete.

Snape watched the two make their way up to their beds and smiled slowly as he slipped silently out of the Gryffindor dorms. Now this was interesting. It would seem that cousin James was afflicted with the Potter curse. And all this time, he had thought it just a story... Ah, the possibilities...

Snape came back to the present with a start as Peeves cackled somewhere overhead and threw something at Mrs. Norris. He shook himself out of his musings and continued on to his chambers.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

Part 6: Daughter Dearest

Harry was eating his breakfast in the common room when he heard a slight tapping on the window. He rose from his seat to let in the owl hovering outside. It seemed that Pig was still able to recognise him despite his new appearance. Pig flew in, hooting excitedly with a letter in his claws. Harry took the letter from him, gave him an owl treat and settled down to read it. As expected, it was from Ron.

Ron wrote about his holidays at The Burrow and complained about how Fred and George had been testing out some of their new tricks. They cooped themselves up in their rooms day and night and only came out for meals. Explosions, weird smells and coloured smoke all originated from the experiments they were carrying out in there. Ron and Ginny had been staying far away from any suspicious looking sweets or items lying around the house.

As usual, Ron invited Harry to visit them and added that they would be going to Diagon Alley to purchase supplies for their seventh year sometime next week. He had already told Hermione and she had agreed to come along to shop for supplies together. Ron finished off his letter by asking Harry to get permission from Dumbledore and to reply soon.

Harry smiled, visualising the fun they would have. He just hoped Dumbledore would get back soon, failing that he would have to go to Professor McGonagall to get permission. Harry chewed absent-mindedly on his lip as it occurred to him that he would have to take into account the timing of his monthly change. He would normally stay at The Burrow until the school year started. This meant that should he visit the Weasleys, he would undergo his change and have some trouble concealing it from Ron and the rest of his family.

Harry frowned, finding himself caught in a dilemma. He genuinely wanted to visit Ron. However, he simply couldn't imagine telling Ron or any of his other friends about the curse. He would probably die of embarrassment. Harry brushed an annoying tendril of hair out of his eyes and tried to think of a solution. A charm or glamour would be very difficult to get exactly right, and it only fooled the eye and not the other senses. It also required a lot of energy and repeated castings, and of course, there was the Ministry of Magic prohibition for students to practise magic during the holidays.

Harry brightened up as he hit on the perfect solution. Polyjuice! He could keep some of his hair when he was a male and use it in the potion. He would look just like his normal self, and it didn't involve any spell casting so the Ministry wouldn't be able to detect it. Now his only problem would be how to brew the potion. Hermione had brewed it for them in the second year and he didn't think he would be very good at it. He supposed he could try asking Professor Snape... but he decided to hold off asking until he got permission for the visit from either Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall.

After finishing his breakfast, Harry took his invisibility cloak and headed out of the dorm with the intention of finding either Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall. Even though there weren't many people in the corridors, he still didn't want to run the risk of being exposed to plain view. There still were the portraits and resident ghosts who might spot him and wonder what a strange girl was doing wandering around Hogwarts. He had been too panicked by the sudden change yesterday to think about that possibility and had just wildly rushed out without thinking of the consequences. Today he was being more cautious.

Harry went to the gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office and started guessing names of various sweets until he stumbled on the current password. He entered the office to find it empty of any human presence. Fawkes was the only one in the office, sitting on his perch and preening his feathers. On Dumbledore's desk was the same old note that just briefly said that he would be away for a few days, with no explanation given for his absence. Harry scratched Fawkes' head absently as he read the note, wondering what was the reason behind Dumbledore's absence. It looked like he would have to ask McGonagall for permission after all. Harry patted the phoenix goodbye and left Dumbledore's office, heading for McGonagall's office.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

Snape was reading in his office when his train of thought was disrupted by a loud knock on his door. He scowled irritably and slipped in a bookmark to mark his page. "Come in," he said, raising his voice.

The door opened to reveal McGonagall on the other side. She strode in jauntily and sat down in a chair opposite him. Snape arched an eyebrow, half-amused and half irritated at the intrusion. "To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your company, Professor McGonagall?" Snape enquired. He picked up a glass of water on his desk and took a drink from it.

"Well, as you are doubtless aware, there is a need to explain Potter's presence as a girl. After much thought on the matter, I feel that the best way would be to pass him - uh, her, off as one of the Professor's daughter. The most ideal person for that job would be you, Severus," McGonagall said as she smiled in a rather unpleasant way.

Upon hearing that last statement, Snape choked on the water he was drinking and coughed. McGonagall helpfully pounded him forcefully on his back as he tried to regain his breath and only ended up making things worse. He waved her off, coughing and spluttering.

When he finally regained his breath and equilibrium again, his face was flushed and he looked on the edge of having a heart attack. "You want me to pretend to be Potter's father?" Snape exclaimed incredulously.

McGonagall nodded. "I believe that is what I said, Severus. Getting a little hard on hearing lately?" she asked sweetly.

Snape spluttered, his normally pale skin a blotchy red. "You must be mad, you dotty old cow! You're bloody out of your mind!"

McGonagall leaned back in her chair, looking calm and faintly smug. "I think not, Severus. Looking at this logically, almost all of the Professors already have children, and occasionally show off pictures and brag about them. Trying to pass Harry off as one of their children is simply not feasible, they would have passed around dozens of pictures by now. Most of their children are also too old, having long finished school and embarked on their own careers. The only exceptions are Hagrid and you. Hagrid is ruled out because of his obvious heritage, which leaves only you. Besides, you are just the type to keep your personal life under tight wraps, which would explain the sudden appearance of an unknown daughter," she smirked at Snape.

Snape glared at McGonagall. "No, absolutely not! I will not tolerate all the gossiping and speculations. Find another excuse," he snapped harshly.

"Well, you think up one and let me know," McGonagall countered.

"Just keep him hidden away for that period of time," Snape retorted.

"Every month? There still is the possibility of something unexpected popping up and his identity might be accidentally revealed. It's best to think up a reasonable excuse for an unknown girl to be regularly visiting Hogwarts. Passing you off as her father is still the best way. It could be put out that she lives with her mother and comes to visit you occasionally once a month."

Snape tapped his fingers irritably and racked his brain for an idea. None came to mind. He huffed sharply and scowled at McGonagall. "What if I still refuse?" he asked.

McGonagall smiled deviously. "I still have the pictures of you from the last annual staff party, when you were all dressed up in that pretty little black dress and three inch heels... do I need to go on?" she gloated, knowing she had him.

Snape turned a bright red at the reminder of that fiasco. He resisted the impulse to drop his head on the desk. "I always thought you were too much of a Gryffindor to resort to blackmail, McGonagall. Fine, I'll do it, but only under great protest," he grumped.

"I'm so glad you have finally gotten around to seeing things more clearly. I'll let Harry know, and you can start thinking about possible names for your new daughter," McGonagall beamed at him and stood up. She bustled out of his office, leaving a mortified Snape behind.

"Sweet Merlin, what have I gotten myself into?" Snape moaned and slid down his chair wearily.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~

Harry stood outside McGonagall's office, his invisibility cloak over his arm and knocked on the door. There was no response. He waited a while, and then knocked again. There came the sudden sound of someone clearing his or her throat behind him. Harry jumped, startled, and turned around. It turned out that the person standing behind him was Professor McGonagall.

She smiled at him. "Looking for me, Mr. Potter?" she asked.

"Uh, yes, Professor. I wanted to ask if I could visit the Weasleys next week. I just got a letter from Ron," Harry said nervously, handing the letter over to McGonagall.

McGonagall read the letter, her lips pursed. She looked up from it and handed it back to him. "Well, I don't see why not. Wards have been erected around all the homes of employees of the Ministry of Magic. It should be safe enough there. You will have to go by Floo, it'll be safer that way."

"Thank you, Professor," Harry said, smiling.

"You are welcome, Potter. By the way, I have found a way to explain your presence as a female. At least that way you will still be able to move around Hogwarts when you have your monthly change."

"That's good news, but how?" Harry asked.

"We will be passing you off as Professor Snape's daughter," McGonagall replied smoothly.

Harry gaped, positive he must have been hallucinating. "Uh, I didn't quite catch that, could you repeat that again, Professor?"

"I said, that you will be posing as Professor Snape's daughter," McGonagall repeated, a distinctly amused expression in her eyes.

"But, but..." Harry stammered, feeling as though he had been hit suddenly by a ton of bricks.

"I have already talked to Professor Snape and he has agreed. It would be best if you go and talk to him, arrange the specific details so the two of you can stick to the same story. He's in his office now, and he's not doing anything urgent at the moment, so you can go and see him now," McGonagall said.

Harry was speechless. He felt like gibbering wildly from the shock. Snape and father were two words he never would have thought to hear in the same sentence. To be told that Snape would be his father? He felt devastated, traumatised. He would never be the same again. He had the urge to run shrieking down the corridor. A small voice in the back of his head pointed out that he was over reacting and if he didn't watch out he'd be throwing a hissy fit soon. Harry ignored the voice of reason completely, banishing it to the back of his mind. He would throw a fit if he felt like it and so there. It would be any moment now, as soon as he got over his initial shock.

He was mildly aware at the back of his mind of McGonagall saying that she had things to do and telling him again to go see Snape. He nodded absentmindedly, most of his conscious thoughts still fixated with horror at the idea of being Snape's daughter. McGonagall went into her office and Harry started walking automatically, not really aware of which direction he was headed. He finally came back to his senses when he realised that his legs had somehow taken him to Professor Snape's office, and he was currently standing in front of his office door.

Harry shook himself out of his daze and pounded on Professor Snape's door. If he had to suffer through this, he would make sure that Snape would suffer right along with him. After all, misery loves company. Harry smirked, thinking of all the opportunities to torture Snape and repay him for all the indignities suffered over the years in class. He pounded even louder on the door.

~ ~ o ' o ~ ~