Her Demise

It wasn't fair; it just wasn't right. All this time, he'd lied straight to my face, looking into my eyes with his own. How could he feel comfortable with such a deception on his conscience? I couldn't understand it, but I wouldn't need to. The answer to all the hurt - not just this new heartbreak - was right here in my hand. Soon, it'd all be over, everything...

"Luna, I thought I'd find you up here." Harry suddenly came bursting into the dormitory. How did he get up here? And how dare he show his face in my presence?

"This is a girl's dormitory, Harry. Please leave," I didn't even want to hear him out. As far as I was concerned, nothing he had to say would fix anything.

"What's that in your hand?" He was approaching me. Who, exactly, did he think he was?

"I believe I asked you to leave, Harry. Please, I want to be alone right now. And even if I did want to talk to someone, you'd be the last person. Who gave you the Ravenclaw password anyway?" I hoped he could hear the pain and hurt in my voice.

"Padma Patil, but that's not the point. Luna, sweetheart..."

"How DARE you call me 'sweetheart', Harry James Potter!" I shouted. "I loved you, Harry! I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything! My heart belonged to you! I don't think you quite understand the impact you had on me. You know how my life is; I'm ridiculed daily, my grades aren't good, people nick my things at the end of the year, I had to witness my own mother's death...it hurts, Harry. I've dealt with a lot of pain during my life. It's a huge burden." I stopped to catch my breath; I hoped Harry's eyes were glistening with tears, but I didn't look at his face to see.

"It all builds up, and I have to say that the last fifteen years have been hell. Not all of it I suppose, considering the time I was with you. You helped me forget about it all Harry. None of the pain existed when I was in your arms. I was protected from every hurtful thought and agonizing memory. And making love to you was beautiful, almost as beautiful as you were. My mind was blank from all the pleasure I felt. I couldn't think of anything but how wonderful it was to be sharing my body with you. It was bliss, Harry, pure bliss."

I noticed I wasn't shouting anymore, but speaking softly, leaning against the headboard, a blank expression on my face. I became aware, again, of the knife in my hand. I stoked it like it was a gem; it was my own demise. A tear started to trickle down my cheek, and Harry made to wipe it away but I quickly and sharply threw his hand away from my face.

"You promised me you'd never leave me, do you remember that? What did I ever do to you but love you? I was in so deep, Harry, you have no idea how much this hurts. I was so in love, I was almost dependent on you. I guess it wasn't healthy, but I didn't care; I had you. And why didn't you tell me before? I loved you so much; I only wanted you to be happy. If you'd told me you loved her before, I would've been hurt, but what could I do? I wanted you to be happy; I wanted to see a smile on your face."

"You could've told me. I would've let you go. Reluctantly, yes, but if you were going to be happy, then so be it. But all this time, you let me love you, let me fall so unfathomably. You watched me fall in love and you didn't say a thing. You didn't and you don't love me, Harry. But, haha, what a prat I was! To think that anyone would ever love me, Loony Lovegood, was laughable." I chuckled a little more and put the knife to my skin below my right wrist once again; my left wrist was already cut and bleeding.

"Luna, I'm sorry. I know I'm wrong, but you can't do that to yourself. You're not going to die without me."

"Oh I won't? Haven't you been listening to me? I loved you and all the hurt and pain I felt left me when I was with you. But it's all come back now, ten times worse. Now I've lost you, the love of my life, on top of everything else? There's nothing left to live for." Smiling, I kissed the knife and with the sharpest point on the tip, I cut the name "Harry" into my arm.

"Luna, don't do that! I'm not joking," I definitely heard fear in his voice, which finally made me turn my gaze to him.

"Why do I see tears on your face, Harry?"

"Why do you think, Luna? It's not that I don't care about you; I just can't love you like you want me to. I don't want you to hurt yourself. I really do care about you, I just don't love you. I have to follow my heart, and my heart is leading me to Hermione."

"Hermione Granger, huh? Then, Harry, you should've told me. You didn't have to build me up then let me down."

"Luna, I'm - I'm sorry." Now I was really making him hurt, and I was glad.

"Too late for apologies now, Harry. I won't be here for you to torture for much longer."

"Stop it, Luna. You're not going to kill yourself, and you're going put that knife down now."

"Harry, you're not going to stop me. You had the chance - you had the chance for a long time, but did you take that chance? No. It's too late now. I've made up my mind."

"I know I had the chance, Luna, and I'm sorry. I just didn't want to hurt you." Now I could hear fear and pain in his voice. I couldn't help but smile to myself a little. Now he knew how I felt.

"Ha! You didn't want to hurt me, did you? Then you should've told me you didn't love me. You shouldn't have let me fall so deeply."

"I'm sorry. I know I've said it enough times, but I am."

"I'm not as 'loony' as everyone thinks I am, you know." I was smiling and crying at the same time.

"I know you're not, Luna. Luna, please, I'm begging you, don't do this to yourself. I...I don't know what else to say."

"Harry, there is nothing else to say. How many times do I have to tell you you're too late? How idiotic, to assume that anyone would ever truly love me in my lifetime; me, Loony Lovegood. I should've known I'd be lonely and cold forever. Well you know what, Harry? It's over, I'm done being abandoned. I'm ready to be with my mother again. I've wanted to bid farewell to this world for a long time. Well, now I finally get the chance. Goodbye, Harry. Don't ever forget me." And with one large swipe, I drove the blade straight into my chest.

"Luna, NO!" I faintly heard Harry shout from the bed next to mine.

The pain from the knife lasted only a few seconds; then it was gone. My vision blurred, then went completely black. I could feel myself leaving the bed, floating toward the ceiling. I was following the rest of the witch and wizard spirits. To where, I did not know or care. I was leaving the cold-hearted world behind. I'd been dreaming of this moment for what seemed like an eternity, and it was finally real. I caught a last glimpse of the Ravenclaw fifth year girls' dormitory and Harry wailing over my body on my bed. I could dimly see the outline of a woman in the distant sky, and as I floated closer I realized it was my mother - with open arms. Finally, and forever more, I was home.

I knew now that I'd never be alone again.