Trying Too Hard

Silence, and darkness - darkness so thick he didn't know if his eyes were open or closed. Harry's head was spinning and he was disorientated and he didn't, for a moment, know who or where he was.

Then, as something nearby shifted, a soft whisper of fabric, it all came slamming back into his mind - the war, the Death Eaters, the fight. Remus.

He sat up quickly and shook away the dizziness. "Remus?" he whispered hoarsely. "Are you there?"

For a terrifying moment, there was no answer, and Harry expected any moment to hear the cold laugh of Lucius Malfoy, and see the flash of green light he'd already seen far too much for one lifetime.

Then there came a weak cough.

"Harry - I'm fine. I'm here. Can you find your wand? Mine's rolled off somewhere."

Harry scrabbled around for his wand and found it near his foot. He held it up, and whispered 'Lumos'. The tip flared, and as soon as Remus' kind, familiar, scarred face came into view, Harry felt his spirits lift.

Remus smiled, and Harry couldn't help smiling back. "Did we get them all?" he asked.

Remus nodded tiredly. "I think so. Your AK got Malfoy - great shot, by the way, Harry - which I don't know if you saw, because Mulciber stunned you straight after you sent it. Anyway, I took advantage of Mulciber's shock that his leader was dead to finish him off - and then, suddenly, there was no one left. I must have passed out in exhaustion after that. I just woke up, when I heard you calling for me."

Harry's chest tightened and he felt a harsh prickle of tears behind his eyes - he didn't know if it was relief or fear or something unnamed that he didn't want to mention, but he swallowed hard and crawled over the dusty, gritty floor towards Remus and pulled him into a rough hug.

Remus' arms hovered for a moment then settled over Harry's back, squeezing hard once then letting go.

Harry sat back on his haunches and looked at Remus. "So we got them all? We're...safe?"

Remus nodded. "Yep - I think so. I just - I wish I knew what was going on outside, in the war proper - is it still going on? Has...has anyone won? I felt so useless being held captive here - I don't even know where we are."

Harry got to his feet and pulled Remus up. "Well, let's not sit here then - let's see if we can get out of this godforsaken hut, see if we can find our way back and help everyone - be useful."

He raised his wand a little, the light flowing over the filthy floor. "Look, here's your wand."

He leant down and handed it to Remus, who lit it.

The area of light around them brightened, but the shadows in the corners only seemed to darken. They walked across the floor, avoiding bodies and unpleasant sticky pools of blood - the sight no longer made Harry feel nauseous, he was hardened to blood and gore now.

They reached the stained and scratched door, but it wouldn't budge - not with unlocking charms or sheer brute force. Remus sighed. "I was afraid this might happen - the wards the Death Eaters put up to keep us in and help out are still intact. And of course, they're all dead now. I don't know how we're going to get out." He scrubbed a hand across his face in frustration.

They lit the room properly with floating Lumos globes, and tried the windows, the fireplace and even just blasting the walls, but the wards held.

Harry sat down in the dingy, filthy, destroyed living room are of the two room hut that they'd been imprisoned in for a month - it had been such an adrenaline rush, managing to steal back their wands and defeat the four Death Eaters that had been on guard - including Voldemort's' right hand, Lucius Malfoy - but now, they were trapped in the damn pathetic hut. They could die here; it would have all been for nothing!

He banged his fist on the ground in frustration, and then hissed as a sliver of glass from the debris-strewn floor cut into his palm.

Remus hurried over. "What is it? Are you all right?"

He smiled as Harry held out his hand.

"Silly boy. What did the floor ever do to you?"

He gently took Harry's hand and pulled it towards him. He pulled the glass out slowly, unconsciously stroking Harry's wrist with his thumb as Harry grunted in pain. He gently healed the cut with a wave of his wand, and Harry shivered at the white-hot tingle of the skin knitting itself together.

He looked up at Remus, meaning to say "Thank you," but the words died on his lips as their eyes locked. Harry swallowed - his mouth felt suddenly dry - and pulled his hand away, standing up suddenly.

Remus stood up too, looking puzzled. "Harry - what...?"

Harry shook his head nervously - he couldn't say, couldn't tell Remus how he felt, how he'd felt for over a year - he didn't want to ruin their friendship. Remus meant so much to him, and he couldn't do anything to risk what they had as friends. And yet...and yet...

Harry coughed. "It...it's nothing. It just hurt a bit, is all." He waved the healed hand vaguely in the air.

Remus looked unconvinced. "No - you seem troubled. There's something else...something more; worrying you than the war, and all that entails. You know, you can talk to me - you can tell me anything. I feel like I know you and trust you better than anyone, after we've spent so much time together - it kills me to think you're hiding something, that you can't talk to me."

Harry grimaced. "No! It's not that. I...OK."

He turned round and faced Remus squarely. "I need to tell you this, I suppose, and...seeing as we might...well, we're not entirely safe...look, if I don't tell you, I might never get the chance. We don't know what's going to happen to us."

Remus looked shaken, but nodded silently.

"See - I love you, Remus. As a friend, of course - I feel so close to you, and I would trust you with my life. You know that. But..." - here Harry paused and took a breath, not looking at Remus - "it's more. I'm in love with you, Remus. I want you - I can't stop thinking about you. I've felt like this since sixth year, but I never said or did anything - but since I came of age last month, I've been wanting to do something, say something - but I'm too scared. I know you don't feel the same, and I'm terrified of losing your friendship - it means more to me than you can possibly know. But at the same time - I can't carry on like this. I need - I need to be open. I'm sorry."

His voice had fallen to barely a whisper, and he was staring unseeingly at the cracked and blackened walls. There was silence. Harry looked at Remus, whose face was unreadable.

"Dammit, Remus! Say something!" Harry's voice cracked. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I won't..."

"Don't. Apologise."

Remus' voice was low but steady. With three swift strides he had crossed the room and gripped Harry's face firmly between his hands, before kissing him hard on the lips.

Harry made a muffled noise of surprise, before his eyes slid closed and he revelled in the soft feel of Remus' lips on his own as the kiss softened. He'd wanted this for so long - it was perfect. The dirty, cracked hut that imprisoned them slid away, the constant worry and fear that the war instilled in Harry faded, the ache of endless days of being held captive and tortured by the Death Eaters melted away and all there was in the world was Remus, Remus. Remus' mouth on his, Remus' hands sliding round his waist. Remus moving his mouth to Harry's ear and whispering gruffly, "I love you too, you silly boy. I'm in love with you. So much."

Harry smiled helplessly, and he pulled away slightly to look in Remus' soft golden eyes.

Suddenly Harry grinned. "I know how to get out of here."

He turned and whispered the words Moody had taught him at his first Advanced Defence lesson in year 6 that disabled general Dark wards, and both Harry and Remus felt a whoosh of air as the wards dissolved.

"We were trying too hard," Harry said simply, and they walked out of the door, back into the war, hands clasped tightly.