Perceptions of Reality

Perceptions of Reality

Lanni Weasley

If you squint hard enough, you can still see Harry - or at least a faded Harry, but with his still vibrant green eyes. Harry just stands at his bedside, hands on the end of the bed, and mouths words that you can't understand with a miserable look on his face. You wish that you could hear Harry so you could tell him that everything will be all right and that it doesn't matter (whatever "it" is), but you know that it's impossible to squint with your ears, too, so you cannot even strain to hear Harry's words.

Ginny slumps in a chair at the foot of your bed, having fallen asleep while watching you doze (or pretending to doze, at least), and she looks almost too tired to go on any longer. Her head is hanging down, making her hair fall across her face and hide its young beauty; and you feel the urge to lean over to her and brush it out of your face like you used to when you were both innocent kids without a care. It's not like that anymore; it hasn't been like that for a long time; it's been so long that you can't remember what it was like then.

Hermione sits at your other side, hunched over a book, holding your hand tightly in her right. Tears stream down her face, although she appears to be unaware of them, as she reads the book devoutly like the book will help her, even though you know she doesn't believe it. When she reads something that she likes, her brown eyes glow, and she starts fidgeting, but her eyes are dull, and she isn't moving a muscle but her eyes. You wonder what she's reading, why she's crying, and what's making her grasp your hand so tightly. (You wonder why you can still barely feel her hand on yours, even though her knuckles are turning white.)

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

You hear Hermione mutter that over and over again as she reads her precious book and squeezes your hand. It sounds like Hermione, even though her lips do not make any movement. You've read it from somewhere, although you can't recall for the life of you where and when you did. It sounds like something Hermione would read late at night, and when you mock it, she'd admonish you because apparently, it's "great, renowned literature from afar." You can't help but smile because you can even see her face.

"How long will he be like this?" Ginny's voice is soft; she has awoken, but she still looks fragile and pale from little eating.

Harry speaks, but she does not look at him or acknowledge him; instead, he turns back to you and falls onto his knees, laying his clasped hands onto your stomach, and he begs for something you cannot hear.

Hermione raises her head away from her book, and when a wind blows, it dissipates and disappears like dust, but she doesn't notice it. "The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy," she says, and you can tell that she's quoting someone. You try to tug at her hand to make her tell you who said that before her, but your hand feels too heavy and you're much too tired to do anything. You can't even understand why she said that. It doesn't make any sense to you, but since when has she ever made perfect sense?

Even though you do not understand, Ginny must because she nods her head and sighs. "I thought this was over. I thought we were through."

"We came; we saw; we conquered," Hermione replies calmly. "That, which does not kill us, only makes us stronger."

"How long will he be like this?" Ginny demands, grasping onto the arms of her chair like she's being electrocuted. "How long must he be like this? How can it make him any stronger if he cannot even live like a normal person?"

Ginny yells out in frustration, then goes completely limp, and closes her brown eyes. You watch her curiously for there is an odd expression on her face. When she opens her eyes again, however, they are not brown but vibrant green, like Harry's. She stands up, and she is taller, leaner, and even a bit darker. Her clothing is still Hogwarts' robes, but there are mental subtle changes in her face.

"No, not Harry, please not Harry!" the new red-haired woman pleads, and you immediately associate her with Lily Potter, although you're not entirely sure how Lily Potter is supposed to look and sound like. She throws herself at the foot of your bed and sobs so hard that you can feel her tears soaking through your blanket onto your feet. "Not Harry!"

You look over to Harry in distress because this new woman upsets you and scares you because you don't understand why she's screaming at you. But Harry is not there; he is gone, and you want to scream for him to come back, but you can't do that because your mouth refuses to open. You look at Hermione because Hermione always knows what to do, but you find, much to your horror, that Hermione is not there; instead, it's Bellatrix Lestrange, who is standing up, draped in her Death Eater robes, and pointing her wand at you as she laughs insanely. You look down at yourself, and you're no longer in white garments. When you look around, you're no longer in a white room but in a dark, cold room with an archway that whispers and a veil.

"I will get my revenge for my Lord, as always!" Bellatrix shrieks with laughter.

But before she can do anything to you, the floor begins to wobble like there's an earthquake. Bellatrix appears as if she doesn't notice that the ground is shaking and tearing in two, but you hold your arms out to keep your balance until the ground beneath you disintegrates. You fall into the black chasm, looking up with wide eyes and a blank face as the light from which you came starts to fade away. Deeper and deeper into the hole you fall until you land and find yourself in Potions class back at Hogwarts with Professor Severus Snape. Hermione and Harry are next to you and so is a Slytherin named Theodore Nott.

Snape speaks in riddles that you plead in your mind to understand. "Two words, my answer is only two words. To keep me, you must give me-" He whips on his heels and looks at you. All eyes are on you, especially when he points his wand at you and storms over to you, slamming his hands on your table and getting into your face. "Tell me," he demands in a dangerous hiss, "what is the solution?"

You look around the room helplessly, only to see the laughing faces of your fellow students turn into the laughing faces of Death Eaters. You're no long in the Potions classroom, but in a dungeon standing in the middle of a circle of cackling Death Eaters with Lord Voldemort standing in the front, looking superior to all. Snape still stands before you, glaring at you and making you feel unworthy of dirt.

Hermione is standing in the circle, wearing Death Eater robes but without a Dark Mark or white mask; she shakes her head and sighs, "You should've been paying attention in class; I warned you again. Now you're going to die because of it. I told you."

Ginny stands next to Voldemort, screaming and crying at the same time. You take a vague step toward her, reaching for her with a hand as she is reaching for you. But Snape steps in front of you, and Ginny's screams dissolve into nothing.

"What is the answer, Mr. Weasley?" he demands again.

You don't know. You don't know. You don't know. How are you supposed to save Ginny when you don't know?

"Your word - you have his word," an unfamiliar voice calls out. A robed figure steps out of the crowd and pulls down his hood to reveal himself as Theodore Nott again. You want to thank him, but you don't understand why he helped you.

"Theodore?" Snape steps forward. Theodore merely stares at him with empty eyes and does nothing. "Theodore, can you hear me?"

And you think, Of course he can bloody well hear you! But Theodore says nothing, and Snape continues to call for him. Soon, all the Death Eaters are calling for him, and you think they're all mad. You want to get out, but you can't because your feet have been glued to the floor by some spell.

"Ron...? Ron? Ron, can you hear me?" a distant voice in the horizon speaks. You've somehow Apparated to the beach where you stare out to the sea and watch as the sun sets behind the blue water. A breeze ruffles your hair, and you close your eyes and breathe in the fresh, sea air; the sand feels cool to your feet and soft to the touch. All that you hear is the waves lapping at your feet, and the tranquility brings peace to your soul and mind.

"The war is supposed to be over. Voldemort is dead; Harry is dead. Why did they have to do this to him, Hermione?"

"I don't know. They're angry, probably, and want revenge."

"But why Ron? Why not someone else, damnit! We were so close! What did they do to him?"

"I don't know... They just found him like this - found him lying on a deserted beach in France, staring up at the sky, talking to Harry..."

"A beach in France? Was it the same one that the sixth Horcrux was found on?"

"I think so, yes - Ron was the one that found it; I guess it makes sense why he was there."

"He will be all right, though, right? I mean, he will get better, right?"

"Yes...yes, the Healers are very hopeful. They say it's mostly just shock from the curse that's wearing off. Ron will be all right."

Silence - and the water continues lap at your feet while you sit down and rest your palms in the sand.

Harry sits down next to you in the sand and watches the sunset with you. He sighs. "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it," he tells you, and you know he's quoting without a doubt.

"You got that from Hermione, didn't you," you finally say. He smiles at you, and you laugh at him. And you know that he is all right, that you're all right, and that everything will be all right - somehow - in the end, even if you don't understand how or why. You look back at the sun as it finally descends behind the horizon of the water. Until you feel rested and reassured of the best of times, you will stay here.

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness." - Carl Jung