Summer Rain

Chapter 16

Draco followed a stern looking nurse down the corridor towards the ICU. He had his head down and was completely trusting Tonks to lead him to where they were going. Tonks had put her arm around his shoulder when the nurse had told them that they could see Harry, and she refused to let him go.

Draco didn't mind really. He felt numb, and wasn't sure if he could stay upright alone long enough to walk to the ICU without Tonks's support. Remus walked next to Draco his other side, hands in his pockets and a small, worried frown on his scarred face. Ron and Hermione were following behind. Draco wasn't even sure if he could go through seeing Harry without being sick. His stomach still churned threateningly and he knew he must look like a wreck.

He had taken the doctor's advice and gone outside for some fresh air, though 'clearing his head' was impossible. After everything she dumped on him, she expected him to waltz outside and clear his head? The fresh air had done nothing but make him cold and shivery, and Draco had just dropped himself onto the nearest step and bawled his eyes out for the entire half hour he was outside. At any other time he would have been concerned with what the people walking by would be thinking of the sight of him, but he didn't have the notion to care this time. An elderly lady had stopped next to him and handed him a clean, pressed handkerchief and before he'd had a chance to sob out a miserable 'thank you', she had just smiled at him, patted his shoulder and went on her way.

Draco still had the handkerchief clutched in his tight fist as they made their way through the sprawling hospital, even though he had managed to stop the tears. For now.

It wasn't fair. Harry didn't deserve to have been in that car accident. He didn't deserve to be seriously injured. He'd had only gone to the Weasleys for Draco, to defend him to the people he considered his family. Why was it always Harry?

The nurse stopped at a pair of ominous-looking frosted glass doors. The sign on the door declared that only patients' immediate family were permitted during strict visiting hours.

"Only two visitors allowed at a time, I'm afraid," the nurse said succinctly. "The others can wait here." She indicated four chairs lined up alone the wall opposite them.

Draco knew it was selfish, but he stepped forward anyway. He was too distressed to care; he just needed to see Harry. He was grateful when Ron, Hermione and Tonks stepped back and sat down in the chairs without hesitation. The nurse nodded and pushed open the glass doors. Remus put a gentle hand on the small of Draco's back and urged him forward to see Harry first.

They entered a large, open area containing a wide, circular staff station in the centre. There were approximately five or six doors along each wall leading to patients' cubicles, though the staff area and the cubicles were separated by glass walls and doors, giving the staff a clear view of each patient in the ICU from their station.

The nurse continued up to the further end of the ward and approached the furthest cubicle at the end of left hand wall; there were vertical drapes drawn across part of the glass, obscuring their view of the bed, though the nurses' station right in the middle of the ward still had a clear from its position.

A quick glance around confirmed to Draco that none of the other cubicles had the blinds drawn and he swallowed heavily, trying to dislodge the lump caught in his throat.

It was late at night, so there were only a minimal amount of staff on duty. There were two male nurses chatting quietly at the nurses' station and another female nurse writing something on a clipboard outside what must be Harry's cubicle. Draco cleared his throat apprehensively, but couldn't relieve fear creeping into his chest.

The nurse looked up at the sound of them approaching, and Draco barely noticed when the other nurse who had brought them to the ward turned and left.

"Mr Lupin?" the nurse asked. "I'm Nurse Watson, I'll be the nurse in charge of the ICU for tonight, and as such, Harry will be in my care until my shift ends in the morning." Remus held out his hand and she shook it. It didn't escape either Remus's or Draco's notice that she was keeping them just out of view of the bed in the room, though the dreadful beeps of the life support machine and pumping of the ventilator could be heard through the open door and Draco started shaking at the thought of what he was going to see through that door.

"Please call me Remus, and this is Draco, Harry's partner," Remus said and Nurse Watson held out her hand to Draco, who tried to respond but his hand was shaking so badly she just patted the back of his hand instead.

"This is going to be very difficult," Nurse Watson said sombrely. "He's in bad shape, though the bruises and cuts do tend to make it look a lot worse. Just so you are forewarned, his head is heavily bandaged, and his arm and leg are in casts. His torso is also heavily bandaged from the surgery, but obviously that is obscured by blankets. The medical equipment is very daunting. Among other things, he's on a ventilator, heart monitor, and several IV lines. Do you want a few moments to prepare yourself?" Draco shook his head quickly. "Ok, are you ready?"

Draco nodded though he desperately wanted to shake his head and turn and run, but he knew he owed it to Harry to be there. He settled for making a small choking sound in agreement, so Nurse Watson motion him to move into the cubicle.

The sight of Harry like that was too much for Draco. The slow beeping of the life support machine rang in his ears, nausea swelled in his stomach and his knees buckled, sending the room spinning, but someone caught him before he hit the floor and everything went black.

o o o o o

"Draco... Draco..." Draco slowly became aware of someone calling his name and tapping his cheek slightly. He groaned and opened his eyes to find that he was propped up in a chair with his head resting against Remus's hip. His stomach lurched and he dry heaved violently; Remus held a stainless steel bowl under his mouth but Draco managed to keep himself from vomiting, despite the sick, dizzy feeling engulfing him.

Remus was standing beside him, holding him upright and rubbing his back. "Urgh, what happened?" Draco groaned woozily.

"You passed out, son," Remus said gently and knelt down to study Draco's face. "How are you feeling? You've been out for about five minutes and you're a rather alarming shade of green." Draco rubbed a hand across his forehead to try and stop his head spinning.

"I feel sick, but it's passing," Draco told him.

"Have a little drink of water, Draco," Nurse Watson coaxed and handed him a little plastic cup with ice cold water in it. Draco sipped it gratefully. "Are you feeling a bit better?" she asked.

"Er... a bit. I'm sorry about that." Draco finished the water and handed her back the empty cup, not sure what else to do with it. She gave him a wry smile.

"It's not an uncommon occurrence. It's a difficult thing to see, and we often even recommend family not see their loved ones like this, but the doctor told us you were pretty set on seeing Harry as soon as possible. It probably seemed like it happened in fast forward to you, but you were actually looking at Harry a few moments before you went pale and started having like a panic attack." Nurse Watson explained and it immediately dawned on Draco how Harry must feel during his attacks and he shuddered involuntarily. "Are you ok to see him now?"

"Yeah, I just... it was just... overwhelming," Draco muttered, he turned to look at Harry's prone form on the bed. "Can I be alone with him for a few minutes?"

"Of course. We'll just wait over there." Nurse Watson indicated to the nurses' station through the door.

Draco stood up slowly and moved around to the side of Harry's bed. Harry was barely recognisable through all the cuts and bruises, bandages and tubes. One side of his face was red and swollen around a long cut. One arm was in a cast and the other had IV lines leading into the back of his hand. Draco slipped his fingers underneath Harry's, which seemed to be the only way to touch him without disturbing any of his injuries or medical equipment.

Draco bent down and rested his head lightly on Harry's chest. He lay there for a few moments listening to the beeping and slight whooshing sound of the ventilator in Harry's mouth helping him breathe. Draco could feel tears dripping from his eyes, but he wasn't crying forcefully. He brushed the back of Harry's forearm softly.

"Harry, baby, you need to wake up for me," Draco murmured softly. "We have plans to make, lots of talking to do... and fuck it, I want to shag you silly." Draco smiled weakly and watched Harry, hoping for, but not expecting any reaction. "You know, they've put you in a green hospital gown. You have to wake up so I can tease you about wearing Slytherin colours. Please Harry..." Draco choked on a sob. "I can't lose you again..."

Harry remained unresponsive as Draco cried softly onto his chest. After a little while, Remus came over and pulled Draco gently into one of the chairs beside Harry's bed, and sat down next to him.

"I haven't had a chance before now to tell you that I'm glad you're back, Draco," Remus said kindly and smiled at Draco, hoping to distract the distraught young man. Draco wiped his eyes on the back of his hands and sniffled and nodded. "You make him very happy."

"He makes me happy," Draco replied softly. "Did he tell you what happened?" Remus nodded slowly.

"We have spoken a few times on the phone since you returned. I admit, I'm very disturbed that Molly and Arthur would partake in something so hurtful towards Harry." Remus's gaze shifted to Harry.

"It wasn't really Arthur. It was predominantly Molly and Ginny. I think Arthur was pushed into it by Molly," Draco told him and Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Even so, Harry placed a lot of trust in that family, and especially in Molly as a mother figure. I can understand why she may have felt she needed to take action -- not with any offence to you, Draco -- but what pains me the most is that even after she saw Harry's reaction to your departure, she still chose not to rectify the situation. It was Molly and myself whom Harry turned to when you left, and he was a mess. When she saw how badly he was hurting, she should have told him what had happened," Remus insisted.

"I hadn't thought about that. I suppose you're right." Draco shook his head sadly. "Harry's too forgiving; I know he'll eventually forgive them for what they did, and I'm glad of that. I don't want him harbouring any negative feelings towards people who have been good to him on a whole. But, Remus, I don't think I'll ever be able to face them again, let alone forgive them. Sure, I have Harry back, but I'm not as forgiving as him and they hurt him so much, and they hurt me too."

"No reasonable person would blame you for not forgiving them, Draco. Your job is to love and protect Harry just like you did all those years ago and I have every confidence in you that you will do so with every fibre of your being." Remus patted Draco's knee.

"Remus?" Draco asked and gave a sidelong glance at him. Remus looked expectantly at Draco, so Draco continued. "How would you feel if Harry and I moved away? I know you are close to him, and I would never you to think I was taking him away from you." Remus smiled.

"I hear Australia is lovely at this time of year." Remus chuckled and Draco looked at him in surprise.

"He told you?" Draco wondered.

"Of course not. Harry would have told you if he was going to discuss it with me," Remus assured him. "But, I'm not as silly as I look. I put two and two together. Harry mentioned to me that he felt you were missing your life in Australia and that he was curious to see where you had been living for the last five years. I suspected then that he was considering asking you to take him back there. I didn't know if he had the confidence to go permanently, but I certainly realised an extended trip was on the cards."

"He wants to move back with me." Draco picked at a loose seam on his jeans. "I had all intents and purposes of coming back to London permanently. I even got rid of all of my things, save for a small suitcase full of clothes. I had hoped Harry could be part of my life again, even just as friends. Having him back romantically is a dream come true, but it never even crossed my mind to take him back to Australia with me. Not even for a holiday. It was Harry's idea, and he seems to be serious about it. He's mentioned it numerous times."

"And you're concerned that you would be ripping him out of his happy, content life here?" Remus guessed and Draco nodded. "Draco, there is no happy, content life here for Harry. Harry exists, he doesn't live. Since you've been back, it's the first time he has been truly happy since you left."

"He was happy with Lucas," Draco argued but Remus shook his head.

"He was fond of Lucas, probably even thought he loved him, but what Harry had with Lucas was companionship, not love. Don't you see, Draco? Harry will be happy anywhere so long as you're there with him," Remus said wisely.

"But all his friends and family are here," Draco murmured.

"Yes, but we can visit anytime Harry wants us, and you can visit us here. To be honest with you, Harry is in desperate need of a change. He needs to start his life over with you in a completely new and fresh place. You also both need to be in a place away from the Weasleys at the moment. You need to heal and get back on track with each other. Together. Why not go back to Australia?" Remus smiled.

Draco sighed heavily. "He needs to wake up first," he whispered.