Summer Rain

Chapter 9

Harry didn't hesitate to pull Draco into his arms this time. Harry hadn't wanted to push the subject after Draco had broken down, so he let his love have a good long cry before Draco finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

After tucking a warm blanket around Draco on the couch, Harry knelt down beside him and brushed the lingering tears from his cheeks. He took Draco's hand gently and watched him sleep for a few long minutes. Eventually, though, Harry's stomach growled loudly and he realised he was extremely hungry, so he made himself some lunch and sat and continued to watch Draco sleep while he ate.

Harry wasn't really baffled by Draco's sudden change of mood. He was sick, emotional and overwhelmed by the situation. Harry himself had found himself swallowing back tears frequently since Draco reappeared, and understood that Draco must be feeling so much more fragile because of his sickness. Harry shamefully realised that he had been rather selfish since Draco reappeared and hadn't given much thought to how much Draco might be hurting also.

Harry was feeling terrible about having to break up with Lucas; he really did care for him, but his feelings for Draco were too overpowering. Harry shook his head remorsefully when he realised that Lucas never really stood a chance up against Draco.

Harry was now harbouring a sense of feeling like he was walking on eggshells. Draco had said repeatedly that he came back for Harry, and had hoped they could have a second chance, but had never clearly stated that he wanted to get back together with Harry straight away. Would he back off entirely now that Harry had split up with Lucas because of him? Would Draco be willing to step right into Lucas's shoes and fill that void in Harry's life? Did Draco miss Australia more than he'd like to admit to Harry and eventually want to go back and leave Harry all over again?

That final thought caused Harry's heart to clench painfully. He couldn't go through losing Draco all over again. Maybe it was just best for them both to cut their losses and move on now that Harry knew the truth? Was it going to cause more grief than it was worth and only end up making them both miserable?

Harry's head was spinning with thoughts and beginning to cause him a rather annoying headache. He was just swallowing the last few mouthfuls of his cup of tea when Draco started stirring on the couch. A quick glance at the clock told Harry that Draco had only been asleep for about half an hour.

Draco blinked sleepily a few times before looking around to find Harry. Harry smiled at him and Draco gave a small smile back. "Sorry about my outburst. Lack of sleep catching up with me or something," Draco murmured and rubbed his eyes.

"Are you sure that's all it was?" Harry asked uneasily.

"No, I'm not sure," Draco admitted honestly. "I haven't cried that much since my first night in Australia. However, this time I actually feel a bit better after bawling my eyes out." Harry frowned at him and then looked away, breaking their eye contact. "What's wrong, Harry?"

"I just don't understand why you chose to stay away if you were that miserable," Harry cleared his throat. "I mean, fair enough, you were threatened and all, but if I was put in that sort of position, I'd want to kill myself rather than live through pain like that. Especially all alone in a foreign place." Draco swallowed nervously and looked up the ceiling.

"I nearly did," Draco whispered and put a hand over his eyes.

"Nearly did what?" Harry asked, fearing the answer.

"Kill myself," Draco answered and then screwed his face up as if trying to stop himself crying again. Harry gasped and put a hand up to his mouth.

"No." Harry shook his head. "Draco, please? Please tell me you didn't try! You're Draco Malfoy, you're strong and stubborn and self-assured! You're too good to even think about suicide!" Harry gripped the armrests until his knuckles turned white waiting for Draco's answer. Harry watched Draco's throat work furiously, hand still clamped over his eyes. If Draco started crying again, Harry wouldn't be able to handle it.

Draco took a few moments to collect himself and they remained in tense silence. He eventually took his hand away from his face and sat up and looked Harry deep in the eyes. "It was about three weeks after I arrived in Sydney. I was renting a room in an apartment owned by a girl called Bella. I'd found the room in the local paper and had only been living there for a week and a half. She was lovely and bent over backwards to try and get through to me, but I wasn't very forthcoming with information about myself. I hadn't found a job or anything at that point, and Bella was an artist which meant she was away from the apartment a lot, leaving me alone with nothing to do but think. I probably would've started drinking heavily, but I couldn't handle the hangovers. I was eating poorly and wasn't sleeping, so I eventually decided to go to a doctor and he prescribed me a sleeping pill."

"Oh god, no," Harry moaned and put his face into his hands.

"One night, it all got too much," Draco continued. "I'd actually phoned your number, hell bent on speaking to you, but when you answered, I hung up. Hearing your voice sent me over the edge and I took the whole bottle of sleeping pills. Luckily Bella arrived home soon after and found me unconscious on the bathroom floor. She called the ambulance and I was rushed to hospital where they pumped my stomach and saved my life. She never left my side during my whole hospital stay and I started opening up to her, and also started seeing a psychologist."

"How could you do that?" Harry choked out. "What if you had succeeded? How did I let this happen? YOU COULD'VE DIED!" Harry had gone white and he was shaking like a leaf.

"NO! You will not blame yourself for this!" Draco said firmly. "I don't even blame myself anymore! I eventually learned to shift the blame firmly to the people who threatened me, and it's only them who are at fault! Look at me, Harry." Draco leaned over and took Harry's hand. Harry looked at him, eyes wide fear. "I'm back now, ok? I survived and got through it. Bella helped me a lot once I let her get near me. I told her all about you and my life in England. Turns out she was a squib, so it gave me further avenue to open up and unload some of my baggage onto her. She became my best friend and introduced me to a lot of friendly people. She was the one who took me to the club where my agent pestered me into doing a test photo shoot for him. Everything I've been through has made me a better person, and it gave me the confidence to come back for you, Harry. We should look forward to being together again; not be looking back at everything that has happened. I'm tired, babe. I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of being unhappy. Let's just take each day now, ok? You and me. We were a force to reckon with once, let's show everyone again."

Harry bit his lip and nodded hesitantly. "Ok," he murmured. Draco squeezed his hand encouragingly.

"I've been completely honest with you, Harry. I want you to know everything so we can heal together. I didn't tell you any of this to upset you, so don't be sad, alright? For me?" Draco kissed the back of his hand. Harry gave him a small reluctant smile.

"Alright," Harry agreed and Draco gave a soft, involuntary sigh of relief. "How are you feeling?" Harry asked. "Do you feel up to trying something light to eat?"

"I feel a little better. Maybe just something small to eat? I don't really know if I want anything or not." Draco pulled a face and Harry laughed.

"Well, do you feel like you will just bring it all back up once you eat it?"

"Maybe," Draco said sheepishly. Harry snorted.

"I'll just make you some dry toast and weak tea, and you can see how you go." Harry stood up and took his empty mug to the kitchen and set about making Draco's toast.

Draco watched Harry briefly, but turned his attention to the various photos adorning the room. The photos were all muggle-type and therefore not moving. A majority of them were of Ron, Hermione and the Weasley clan, with a few of Remus and Tonks scattered around and even one of Hagrid and Professor McGonagall. Draco spotted some photos of Harry's dorm mates from Hogwarts that looked to have been taken at a party. Draco picked up a picture of Harry nursing a tiny girl with a shock of curly red hair; the child was kissing Harry on the cheek and Harry was laughing happily. Draco smiled, realising it must be Ron and Hermione's daughter, Melody -- Harry's goddaughter.

Draco frowned slightly in confusion when he only spotted two pictures of Lucas and only one of Lucas and Harry together, which looked to have been taken without the couple's knowledge. Harry returned and placed Draco's toast and tea on the coffee table. "He didn't like getting his picture taken," Harry explained, noticing Draco frowning at Lucas's picture.

"Oh." Draco nodded and sat back down. He looked warily at the toast before picking up a slice, but not taking a bite. "You're a mediwizard," Draco stated, indicating a picture of Harry in his work uniform.

"Yeah, at St Mungo's," Harry replied.

"Do you like it?"

"Most of the time, I suppose. It gets stressful sometimes. I work in the children's ward and it can be hard at times seeing tiny children so ill." Harry watched Draco play about with piece of toast and waited for him to take a bite.

"Are you on leave, or something? You've been off for a couple of days now," Draco pointed out and pulled the crust off the toast.

"I've got five days off before I go back to work night shifts," Harry explained. "You don't really want to eat that, do you?" Draco looked at the toast in his hand before placing it back on the plate.

"Not really. I'm sorry, that's a real waste. I thought I felt like something, but I think it'll just make me sick if I eat it." Draco cleared his throat which set off another coughing fit. "What is it, Harry?"

"What?" Harry asked distractedly.

"You have that look on your face."

"What look?" Harry said defensively.

"That look you always get when you want to ask someone something but you are afraid of what the answer will be." Draco lay back down on the couch and covered his feet with the blanket. Harry licked his lips nervously.

"Do you want us to be back together? Now I mean, not just some indeterminate time down the track," Harry blurted out. Draco didn't even think twice before answering.

"Yes. But I feel like I've pressured you into it, or something," Draco admitted. "I feel like me turning up on your doorstep sick has made you feel obligated to hear me out when you didn't really want to, and then to go on to break up with Lucas. I can't help thinking you're still in shock from me coming back, and will realise eventually that I'm not really what you want. I was actually worried you might thump me when I came here, you were so angry."

"Oh, Draco," Harry sighed. "I thought you would know by now that I don't do anything unless I want to. Yes, I was shocked at first and really rather pissed at you when turned up here, but me hearing you out and breaking up with Lucas was not a result of my clouded judgment. I never let myself believe you would come back, so I just moved on eventually. Now that you're here, and well, still caring about me, I realised that I can have you back and do want you back. That's why I broke up with Lucas. I would've broken up with him regardless of whether we got back together or not, because after seeing you again, it was clear to me that I'm still very much in love with you and it wasn't fair to string Lucas along."

"So... so, you want to give this another go then?" Draco asked tentatively and peered at Harry from beneath the soft blond hair falling into his face.

"Absolutely," Harry said resolutely. "If you think you can put up with me."

"Oh, it will be a trial, I'll admit," Draco said dramatically and chuckled. "Do I get a kiss from my new slash old boyfriend?" Harry laughed and launched himself into Draco's outstretched arms and crashed his lips against Draco's desperately.