Sin

-Spies, Coldplay-

For thirteen years I waited. Patiently, anxiously, warily, there are so many ways one can wait. And so I waited. I waited for his return, when I would be forced back into my life of false servitude. When I would be made to be a spy again.

When I joined Him, I was young and foolish. I was seeking respect and power. I was ambitious. I suppose that´s why I was eventually put into Slytherin [though the hat had suggested Ravenclaw because of my quiet, studious habits]. Most Snape´s were sorted into Slytherin, a few Ravenclaw, and on the rarest of occasions, Gryffindor. But never Hufflepuff. It wasn´t a big deal about me being in Slytherin. Unlike some families with legacies for being Slytherin´s. As well as legacies for black magic. Unfortunately I made "friends" with those families infamous with being involved with the Black Arts. I knew my parents would disprove. My family, though always neutral, leaned more towards the "light" side.

Which is why my parents never knew about my joining Him, joining his Death Eaters. They eventually found out, actually, but by that time it was too late.

I remember the night I went to Dumbledore for Asylum. That´s the night my father discovered my loyalties to "My Lord."

Like all horrific events, that day happened to be beautiful. A clear September night, brisk, but the warmth of summer still lingered in the cloudless sky. "My Lord" had summoned all his Death Eaters that night. We met that night at Malfoy´s house, well; château is more like it. In the Welsh countryside. We had been called, I was told, to get information from a man in the top rankings of the ministry. He wore a nondescript sack over his head, and I idly wondered who it was. And so the man was tortured. He swore, he swore to every deity, that he knew nothing. He was neutral. But still the man was tortured, screaming in pain, screaming about the injustice of it all. But he never let a secret pass his lips. Finally, when "My Lord" was finished, he looked around the room. After contemplating whom to choose, his lips twisted into a sadistic grin. He called me up, and told me to finish the man off. Grabbing the man roughly by the forearm, he lifted him up. The man wobbled his legs, which were shaking from the fresh pain inflicted upon him. If possible, "My Lords" smile grew more sadistic as he removed the sack covering his victims´ head. I gasped. Once again, he urged me on to kill the man, he was of no use. I hesitated. And I was asked, what is the problem, do, kill the man. I looked up into the dark eyes I had inherited. They glistened with disappointment, but he bravely nodded. I remember what he whispered to me, right before I killed him "I love you, Severus."

That´s the night my father died. I killed him. After Our Lord dismissed us, I vomited up my dinner in one of Malfoy´s perfectly manicured plants, I apparated to the gates of Hogwarts, and ran as fast as I could to the Headmaster´s office. Upon entering, I once again managed to throw up. Albus sat me down, tried to sooth me, and I confessed my sins to him. All my sins.

That´s the night I swore my allegiance to Albus. I became a spy that night. One year later "My Lord" was killed by the most unlikely of people. He was finally brought down at the hands of a mere infant.

But he wasn´t gone. I knew better than to hope such silly things, such wistful thoughts. And so for thirteen years I waited for this night. The night of "My Lord's" return.