Save Yourself

Save Yourself, Chapter Nine

-----

Nothing happened that night – don’t go around assuming things you don’t know about. I simply showed him the kitten I had recently acquired; there was nothing to assume about it.

The rest of the night passed uneventfully; our parents seemed absolutely delighted at the idea of the two of us spending time together, regardless of their marriages not being out of love, or even like. Even my brother, Zachary, seemed extremely happy with the idea of Draco and I’s marriage being one we could both learn to love.

The months came and went, and finally we were entering our Sixth Year of Hogwarts. I didn’t see Draco any other time during those months; my time was often occupied with lessons of becoming the Perfect Little Wife. Mother constantly instructed me on ways to make him happy, ways to keep him happy, but most importantly, ways to wrap his heart around my little finger so I could get anything I wanted. I’ll admit, I wasn’t too offended with the notion of twisting Draco to my every want and whim, but I wasn’t too crazy about the idea to take away a man’s free will. It took perhaps two weeks for Mother to finally get me to realize it was the man’s fault for falling for a woman’s tricks in the first place, not ours for causing them.

There was nothing extraordinary about Hogwarts when we returned; we both noticed a few students missing from the ranks of all four Houses, none of whom I knew personally. The list of First Years didn’t seem any smaller, however, so I wasn’t concerned.

The first two months of classes were normal and fairly uneventful, save the occasional rumors of so-and-so dating this person and this person dating so-and-so. Surprisingly enough, throughout the tangled mess of dating, Crabbe and Goyle managed to maintain their current girlfriends, the girls who had attended Mother’s party with them; Collette Eddings and Elizabeth McCaffrey. The latter I saw often in the Slytherin Common Room, often surrounded by the girls of her years and giggling over something or another. The former I had only one class with and hadn’t gotten the chance to know very well; I hadn’t a clue how she had tricked the Sorting Hat into Sorting her into Ravenclaw, however, as she seemed to be attached to Crabbe’s hip each and every time I saw them. She had been in the Slytherin dorms multiple times that I knew of – although why she had even consented to be with the stupid git, I didn’t know.

The thought they were perhaps in the same situation as Draco and I never crossed my mind.

It was shortly after my seventeenth birthday, in late October, and shorting before Draco’s seventeenth birthday, in mid-November, that my life split, for the first time, into two Eras.

It was no longer uncommon to see Draco and myself doing homework in front of the fire in the Common Room, often silent but always in contact with one another physically. While I was within his range, that year he rarely ever left me alone. I was to always be touched, whether it was a mere crossing of ankles or his arms wrapping protectively around me possessively. Draco and I were extremely possessive and jealous – I suppose in the long run, that deemed to be a very good thing indeed, but we’ll get to that later.

I was busily writing a Charms essay for Professor Flitwick when I noticed a second-year girl standing perhaps two feet in front of me, blocking my view of the fire. She was standing with her arms behind her back, timidly waiting for me to address her.

”Yes?” I asked impatiently, missing the heat she was blocking from the fire. Draco shifted slightly next to me, forcing me to remove my legs from his lap as I had leaned up against the armrest of the small couch we were sitting in.

”Professor Snape asked me to come and get you,” the girl answered, her high voice full of pride for being assigned such a task. “He asked to see you in his office, and he said for you to bring Mr. Malfoy as well.”

I raised an eyebrow at this request, briefly wondering if it was a ploy to get Draco and I out of the Common Room and into the halls during the forbidden night hours. I quickly dismissed the thought, however, sighing and shifting around to stand up and set my essay on the small table positioned in front of the soda.

”Thanks,” I replied curtly, nodding my head in a dismissal. The girl quickly disappeared, leaving Draco and I to slowly walk the length of the Common Room – silently – and into the dank stone hallways of the Hogwarts Dungeons.

It was perhaps a two minute walk from the Slytherin dorms to the Potion Master’s office, where Draco and I found him not busily writing as I had expect, but reading a piece of parchment on top of his desk.

”Professor?” I asked, sounding more than a little defensive for reasons even I did not know.

He looked up, his cool demeanor no longer displayed on his pale features. He fixed his eyes upon me and stood, setting the parchment down in front of him almost regretfully.

”Good evening, Ms. Parkinson,” he murmured, glancing at Draco, “Mr. Malfoy. May I ask you to please allow Ms. Parkinson and I a bit of privacy?”

Ever the obedient child, Draco nodded and gave my shoulder a squeeze before gracefully stepping out of the room, closing the old wooden door behind him. I then turned to Professor Snape, curious as to why he was acting in such a strange way.

”Ms. Parkinson,” he said again, “Pansy… Please, take a seat.”

He gestured towards the two nondescript chairs sitting in front of his desk as he sat down in his own high-backed armchair, his eyes locked on every move I made. I obliged, still extremely curious.

”I’m assuming you’re wondering why I called you down here at such a late hour,” he spoke, his hands placed together with his fingers intertwined.

I nodded, “Yes, I am.” I wasn’t nervous or even afraid; rather, a sort of calm had washed over me, soothing my nerves and dulling my sense of fear to almost nothing.

”Ms. Parkinson,” he sighed, leaning forward, “I fear I have some bad news for you.”

I inwardly winced; that was absolutely no way to start a conversation.

”Earlier today, there was a Death Eater attack – on the Parkinson Estate, I’m afraid.”

My eyes widened, “Is my family all right?”

He shook his head, “No, Ms. Parkinson, there were… casualties. Your Mother and Zachary were both killed.”

I can remember exactly what happened in that very instant, even years later; I felt my stomach turn to ice and I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment. Slowly, numbness like I had never experienced spread throughout my body, even as fire coursed through my veins.

All in a moment, my world had come crashing down.

”And…” I choked, almost unable to speak, “Father?”

Professor Snape sighed once more, something I had never seen him do since that day; “He was the leader of the attack, in charge of the ones who raided your home and murdered your family.”

I believe it was at that point the one thing I had always told myself to prevent the flood of emotions I knew was about to happen flashed through my mind, completely paralyzing my mind, restricting my thoughts to only those two words:

Don’t Break.

I stood up slowly and numbly thanked the professor for informing me of such an event, knowing how hard it must have been for him to say something, as my brother had been one of his favorite students and he had known my Mother during their Hogwarts years. Vaguely, I heard him ask me to sit back down, but I was already moving towards the door. In two long strides, he was in front of me, blocking the rusty old door from my view. Once again, he asked me to sit back down, and this time I knew I had no choice.

”Pansy, I can’t express how sorry I am to have to have had to tell you such a thing—please, I need to know, what can I do for you? Would you like me to escort you Madame Pomfrey? She could give you something to sleep—“

I shook my head, raising my hand to interrupt the man. “I don’t need anything, Professor, thank you. Just… bring Draco in here and tell him, or was there something else you needed to speak to him about?”

My body was on autopilot, my mind locked away in some obscure corner of my brain. I was not going to allow this man—this cold-hearted, stingy man—to see me cry. I was numb, a feeling I would be experiencing for the next several months.

He nodded slowly and summoned Draco into the office and quietly told him what he had just told me. Draco’s eyes had widened and he had gone even more pale than before, a feat I had thought impossible before that night. I must give him credit, however; he managed to hold himself together, his strength giving me one more reason not to cry.

”I’ll take her back to the dorms, Professor,” he offered after a few moments of silence, “Or would you rather me take her up to the hospital wing?”

The Professor frowned for a moment, thinking, “Headmaster Dumbledore is aware of this, of course. He recommended she stay in the hospital wing for at least a day—Pansy, is that all right with you?”

I smirked to myself; the man had absolutely no idea how to handle the current situation. Neither of them did, and to be completely honest, it showed.

I didn’t respond, the numbness I felt still control my body and emotions. Both Professor Snape and Draco took my silence as a yes, and I was quietly escorted down to the Hospital Wing, where a tired looking Madame Pomfrey assigned me a bed.

I don’t remember much about that night; my body was on autopilot and my mind had still locked itself away somewhere, unable to escape from the prison it had placed itself in. All I remember is I didn’t sleep at all; my eyes stayed open, focused out the window in the Wing, and Draco sat next to me the entire night, holding my hand and never - not once - letting it go.

Never.

-----