Save Yourself

Save Yourself - Chapter Six

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And so it continued for the rest of the year; almost every single he would take me up to his dorms and pressure me to sleep with him, and every single time I refused. For the most part, it was rather easy; I allowed him to kiss me for a bit, but when he passed the border between harmless fooling around and intent, I immediately backed down and left the room, leaving him in his misery. There were some times when that was much harder, however – times when I was absolutely convinced he was going to rape me.

These times didn’t happen all too often, luckily, and when they did he always seemed to regain his mind after a few moments of savagery. At night, after these incidents, I laid huddled in a ball in my bed, terrified of the one time his mind wouldn’t resurface. I didn’t understand why he wanted to take things so fast; neither of us liked the other much, we were simply bound together by a contract neither of us had agreed upon. It would almost be a disgrace to love one another, an insult to all of the men and women before us who had been forced into marriage and hated it.

Draco was one of my two friend’s favourite subjects, and much to my amazement they would stay up far past midnight giggling about how they believed he would act in bed. Blaise was sure he was what she called a tiger, while Millicent was adamant on believing he was a caring partner. They went back and forth on this many nights, and on one such night I became incredibly irritated with the conversation and felt the need to put it to rest, once and for all.

”He’s a Malfoy, Millicent!” Blaise sighed, “It’s common knowledge they’re all aggressive.”

Millicent glared at the redhead, her brown eyes threatening intense harm, “But he’s so sweet! How can he not be gentle? He helped me in Potions once, and he touched my arm, and he was so gentle!”

One thing I had learned living with Millicent for three years was that she tended to repeat herself often, making her seem just a few colours short of a rainbow.

”Everyone knows they’re always gentle – until you get them naked and horny,” Blaise grinned wickedly, her statement making Millicent nearly fall off her bed with surprise.

”But…!” Millicent stammered, searching for a non-existent rebuttal.

”He’s not caring and he most certainly isn’t a tiger,” I sighed, sitting up in the bed I was laying in.

Both Blaise and Millicent eyed me suspiciously, Blaise being the one to speak; “How would you know? It’s not like you’ve ever done him.”

Leave it to Blaise to be completely dense.

”You’re right,” I eyed her, “I haven’t – and I thank God everyday for that.”

Blaise leaned forward on her own bed, green eyes glittering with curiosity, “So how can you be so sure?”

”Any guy that small can’t be good in bed,” I grinned, watching as both Millicent and Blaise’s eyes widened.

”And you would know this how?” Millicent asked, her throaty voice cutting through the silence like a knife.

I raised an eyebrow, “Do you really want to know?”

Blaise nodded vigorously, “If you haven’t been telling us something… you’d better start talking.”

I sighed, “It’s really none of your concern, Blaise.”

”You just made it my concern.”

I glared at the small girl, my anger only half-hearted.

”Fine. I’ve… talked to Draco for a while now, and he’s tried certain things on me – well, I can just feel him, ok?”

Blaise’s eyes narrowed, “Liar.”

I shook my head, “Believe me, I wouldn’t lie about something as disgusting as that.”

”Liar,” she hissed once more, “You’ve never done anything with Draco – you’re just trying to make us jealous. Why would he – a fucking God – waste his time on you? You’re ugly, everyone knows that.”

That was the absolutely wrong thing to say to me – especially since it was coming from one of the prettiest girls of our year.

”Draco’s been trying to shag me for the entire third year,” I growled, “And if you don’t want to believe me, fine – I most certainly don’t give a shit.”

”He wouldn’t waste his time,” she repeated, eyes blazing fire.

”No, you’re wrong,” I hissed, “I wouldn’t waste my time.”

Things between Blaise, Millicent, and I never returned to normal after that. I had never thought of them as true friends, but I’ll admit to missing someone to talk to.

After three weeks of their silence, I vowed to somehow prove to them I hadn’t been lying; I saw them watch me much more carefully during those weeks, and each time Draco came up to me I could feel the anger radiating off of the two of them.

They would have died rather than admit I had been telling the truth.

Shortly after the three week mark of our fight, I was sitting in the Common Room, reading as I often did, when I felt Draco’s presence come up behind me. I had been expecting it, and before he could touch me I turned around abruptly, making him step back slightly in surprise.

”Why do we always go up to your dorms?” I asked him rather bluntly, “Are you ashamed of me?”

He raised an eyebrow at my questioning, stepping forward once again to touch my shoulder.

”Of course not – I just want some privacy.”

”Privacy for what?” I asked, gesturing around us, “There are at least three couples in here doing exactly what we do each night – more even. So why don’t we just stay down here?”

He narrowed his eyes, “Because I’m sure one of these days you’ll let me go much, much farther than all of these – other couples.”

I stood up, dropping the book I had been reading on the floor next to the stuffed armchair I had been sitting in. Without warning, I stepped up to him, rising a bit on my feet, and kissed him full on the lips in view of everyone.

I heard two horrified gasps as Blaise and Millicent caught sight of us, although perhaps they were more horrified at the fact Draco seemed to have no qualms with the whole thing – rather, he enjoyed it.

I made sure of that.

That night, I allowed Draco to take me upstairs – in full view of everyone. Although I’m sure he believed I had declared to him I was ready, I still stayed adamant on not sleeping with him. I did, however, make his efforts worthwhile; hands can be useful things when one doesn’t want to get too intimate.