Healing

Healing - Part Four

Harry huffed as he entered the Gryffindor common room. It was, amazingly enough, deserted. Either everyone was still down at dinner, in the library, or already in bed. He didn't care; he was just glad for the solitude and peace. He moved to occupy the chairs right in front of the fire, and sat staring at the flames, thinking.

What he had felt down by the lake was sudden and, for him, scary. When had it changed? How had it changed? All during dinner, sitting right beside her, everything felt normal. Then, not even an hour later, he was looking into her eyes and feeling something that was anything but normal. Hovering over her, so close, even though he was upset, scared and confused, Harry had wanted to kiss Hermione. Hell, he still wanted to kiss her.

"She's my best friend." Harry stressed to himself, hands clasped together so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. "And if we're together, it's only going to increase her chances of being a target..."

This is what killed him. The thought of her possibly dying had been enough, even when she was just his best friend. Too see her dying in his head over and over, knowing he was and would be the reason why, and feeling like he was going to explode if he didn't just hold her was driving him insane.

All of it was almost too much to take in at one time. Sirius' death, his capture and escape, then falling in love with Hermione...how was one boy too handle all that emotion at once?

Harry couldn't help but smile. Now he sounded like Ron. God, there was Ron. He was his best friend (thank Merlin that would never change), and he was in just as much danger. The two people he was closets to could be taken from him in an instance, just like his parents were taken from him, just like Sirius was taken from him...

Stop it, Harry, an all too familiar voice rang in his head. Stop worrying about what you can't control.

"I can't control this," Harry whispered towards the fire, as if he were responding to something Hermione had actually said. "I can't stop worrying and I can't...I can't stop feeling like I love you."

"Love who?" someone asked innocently.

Harry spun around quickly, and nearly fell out of his seat. Standing in the middle of the room, looking completely oblivious to the fact she was in the wrong common room, was Luna.

"Luna, how did you...why are you...where did you come from?" Harry asked, flustered. He stood up and looked around to make sure no one else was around. How embarrassing, to be heard while confessing his inner secrets to himself.

None of this seemed to faze Luna. "I'm from a town not far from Ronald's home. I'm glad you're talking to me now. It would make it very hard to do my task if you were still ignoring me."

"And, what task would that be, Luna?" There was something unnerving about how calm she was. Wasn't she still upset over what he had done?

"Professor Dumbledore has sent me to bring you to his office." She offered no more and no less.

Harry scratched his head, trying to think if there was any reason Professor Dumbledore would summon him to this office at that time of night. He hadn't done anything wrong, that Harry knew of. If it were an emergency, Harry would think Dumbledore would send someone other than Luna to fetch him. No, Harry couldn't think of a single reason that Professor Dumbledore would want to see him, and it must have shown on his face. Luna provided him an answer without him even asking.

"Professor Lupin has received your letter, and he's ready to talk to you now."

That fast? Harry had just returned from the Owlery a few minutes prior. How could have Lupin gotten the letter, responded, arrived at Hogwarts, and have Luna sent to find him in that small amount of time? Even by wizarding standards (being unable to Apparate in Hogwarts) that was impossible. Maybe he had used the Floo Network.

"Is, Professor Lupin here?"

A small smile passed over Luna's face. "He's waiting for you in Professor Dumbledore's office. Professor Lupin has other matters he must attend to tonight, so it's important that we leave now." She turned and started to walk out of the portrait hole. Coming to his senses, Harry caught up with her quickly.

"Er- Luna?" he asked as he stood beside the portrait of the Fat Lady.

Luna stopped and turned to Harry, looking as if everything that had happened between them in the past few weeks never occurred. Harry's gut rolled in guilt, and he shuffled his feet uneasily.

"I want to apologize for throwing away your necklace. I've not been myself lately, but that was no excuse to be cruel. I'm sorry."

It took a moment, but Luna presented him with a smile that made her face glow. "Great sorrow tends to make us do things irrationally. Yet, I took no offense to the disposal of my gift. Simply, I wept over the seeming loss of my friend. I'm glad Hermione was able to make you well again."

As Harry followed Luna to Dumbledore's office, he couldn't help but wonder exactly how Hermione made him well.

***

"Ron? Ginny, what are you..." Harry stopped and his breath caught in his throat. "Hermione? I...what's..."

"Good evening, Mr. Potter." Professor Dumbledore stood from behind his great desk, taking immediate control of the situation. It was awkward for Harry, after the last few weeks, to walk into the Headmaster's office when it was full of his friends, unaware of why they were there.

"Good evening, sir," Harry replied, eying a red-faced Ron, a sullen-faced Ginny, a calm Professor Lupin, and Hermione, who had her head facing in the opposite direction. He said nothing else because, honestly, he hadn't a clue where to go from there. The entire reason he wanted to talk to Professor Lupin was sitting on the other side of him.

There was a mysterious spark in Professor Dumbledore's demeanor. Like he was almost being mischievous, yet innocent at the same time. "Professor Lupin and I were having a conversation and then your friends arrived to talk to me. Not but a few moments later, Hedwig was tapping on my window with a letter tied to her leg, which was addressed to Professor Lupin. I felt that since we were all trying to get a hold of the same person for apparently the same reason, a group discussion might be a nice idea."

All eyes were wide and shadowed with fear (save Dumbledore, Lupin, and Luna's), and it became very evident that the idea was anything but nice. In fact, it seemed like a very bad, bad idea.

"Come now, there's no reason to be afraid. You all have come with good intentions and honest concern. There is no reason to keep anything you could say to me and Mr. Lupin from your closest friends." He provided a good point, but still it was an uncomfortable situation. And in uncomfortable silence they sat, Professor Dumbledore standing patient, until Hermione's weak voice broke.

"I've been concerned over Harry for weeks now. Exhausted, and out of other ideas, I thought that maybe talking to Professor Lupin would be something worth trying. Seeing as to how, Harry might need somewhat of a...father figure...to talk with, more than anything else." The normally confident and outspoken Hermione had her head down, twiddling her fingers, looking more nervous than Harry could remember her looking in quite some time. An overwhelming urge to hold her coursed heavily through his veins and nearly knocked him off his feet. She was sad; he was the reason why, and he couldn't stand it. If he could help it, he resolved unconsciously, he was going to make sure she was never sad again.

Professor Dumbledore smiled graciously. "Thank you for your honesty, Miss Granger. Mr. Weasley, Miss Weasley, Miss Lovegood, do you have anything to add, or does Miss Granger's sentiments sum yours up as well?"

"It's what I was thinking," Ginny responded honestly.

"I've felt the same for some time," Luna added.

"I came because she made me," Ron said, pointing his finger at his sister. Ginny's eyes narrowed on him, but he shrugged. "What? I think Hermione was doing well enough on her own. Look at how much he's improved since dinner, already!"

Hermione was blushing, Harry was even a darker shade of red, and Professor Lupin's lip was twitching upwards. Ginny smacked her brother hard on the arm and growled as he rubbed the tender spot.

"Sometimes, Ron, I think you've got about as much class as a Jarvey."

"Well what did you want me to say? I was being honest with everyone. You dragged me all the way up here against my will and then you expect me to pretend that I felt we needed to send for Professor Lupin straight away..."

As their bickering increased, Professor Dumbledore shook his head, that look still about him. "Oh, young sibling rivalry. It reminds me of the days of my youth, when my brother Aberforth and I would take long walks in the woods and discuss the influence of Merlin during the Dark Ages and whether trout had the choice to swim upstream, or if their biological makeup dictated their fate. That is, however, irrelevant to the situation and I beg you to focus your energies on why most of us have gathered here. Mr. Potter, why is it that you wish to talk to Mr. Lupin?"

Looking straight past Lupin's expectant face to Hermione's curious, sad eyes, Harry couldn't bring himself to say it. Not in front of all these people, when he wasn't one hundred percent sure of how to even broach the subject with Hermione privately. If he admitted his feelings, it wasn't going to be in front of this lot.

"I'm sorry, sir," Harry replied. "It's much too private."

Dumbledore nodded his head in understanding. "Then I shall inform you all of why I have called Mr. Lupin to my office this evening. I, too, have been concerned with Harry's behavior as of late, and felt that guidance from a wiser individual closer to the situation than I could possibly be would be good for Harry. I also felt that should anyone else in the room wish to talk, seeing as to how the times have been difficult, doing so with a trusted adult that was not a school professor would be best. I realize, however, that this might not be comfortable for you young ladies, so I have also summoned...Ah!" The sound of someone cursing loudly almost echoed through the room, and all eyes turned towards the door. "Here she is now."

A bored looking wizard in a pointed hat entered a large picture frame just beside the door. Everyone knew that one of his other portraits resided beside the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to the Headmaster's Office. "Miss Nymphadora Tonks has returned, Professor Dumbledore. She has, as I presume you've realized, forgotten the password."

"You may inform her so she may enter. Thank you, Professor Bones." Dumbledore waved his wand as the wizard disappeared, a comfortable arm chair appearing between the two empty chairs Luna and Harry would have been occupying and Lupin's. "Please, Miss Lovegood, Mr. Potter, have a seat."

Luna moved to sit down, but Harry stood rooted. He didn't want to talk about what he was handling in front of all these people and if only Professor Dumbledore gave him permission, he would have Lupin and he go somewhere else to talk in private. And did he want to talk soon, because the sad looks Hermione kept passing his way were tearing his heart apart.

Professor Dumbledore motioned for Harry to sit, but before Harry could refuse, the heavy office door opened and in walked one of the youngest members of the Order of the Phoenix, a Metamorphagus known simply as Tonks because of her atrocious first name.

Her hair was still bright pink and spiky, but her eyes were a pretty shade of blue and her nose seemed a bit smaller than the last time Harry had seen her. She was grinning ear to ear, almost like she didn't have a care in the world. It was, actually, nice to see someone who could wear a genuine smile.

"Hiya, Harry! Feeling better, I hope. Professor Dumbledore's filled me in on what's happened this summer and school term, naturally. I'm so sorry for everything. I still can't figure out how my wretched Aunt and Uncle got past Dumbledore's safety measures..."

Dumbledore instantly held up a hand. "Thank you, Miss Tonks. Please, have a seat. You too, Harry."

It was until Tonks was seated, and Harry realized that Dumbledore really wanted him to have a seat, that he did so. He didn't look at anyone except the Headmaster. He didn't know how much longer his resolve to not cry would last if he kept looking at Hermione.

"Now that we've all assembled, and shared, I think I must make me other intentions clear. Harry, I know this is a very uncomfortable situation for you, and you'd rather be anywhere but here, but I find this matter very important. These people around you are among the closest confidantes and companions you have. Two of them are your very best friends. Your private matters are yours to share as you will, but these times are hard, and what you've experienced this summer is a part of the war we are all tied into. I feel that it might be in all of our best interest, for you to share with us what exactly you went through."

Harry stared at Dumbledore; he couldn't possibly be serious, could he? Tell everyone about his torture? He hadn't even wanted to let Dumbledore know, but he understood the importance of his knowledge. He had told Hermione because he couldn't bear keeping the secret from her anymore. And Ron and Lupin, well he could see telling them. But Ginny, Luna, and Tonks?

Hermione was trying to hide the fact she was crying.

For a brief moment, Harry was glad she started crying. It drew the attention away from him, for the moment.

"Hermione?" Tonks stood, nearly tripped, but regained her composure and approached the young girl carefully. She put a hand on Hermione's shoulder. Hermione's crying turned into sobbing.

Tonks turned to Dumbledore. "May I take her somewhere more private, Professor?"

Dumbledore nodded his head and motioned to the door. Tonks took her by the shoulders and helped her stand, leading her to the door. Harry watched Hermione go, wishing now that he could take those tears away. On impulse, when she passed by, he reached out and took her hand. Hermione opened her eyes and looked at him. They stilled for a moment, just looking into each other's eyes. Then, softly, Harry squeezed her hand and motioned for them to continue. She gave him one last look, then followed Tonks out of the office.

"What was that about?" Ron asked, puzzled by the exchange.

Ginny closed her eyes tightly, and her elbow next to Ron was twitching. Thankfully, no one answered his inquiry.

"Mr. Potter, I leave the matter entirely up to you. All I can do is give you my suggestion." Professor Dumbledore sat back down in his seat, his hands folding together in front of him.

Harry stared for another minute, until he realized that everyone else was staring at him. There was no way to avoid the situation. He could claim ill of mind, but he would eventually have to tell them what had happened. Might as well get it over with...

So Harry launched into the tale without warning and without scrapping off any of the details. He told everyone about how he had awoken in the middle of the night to what sounded like Dobby struggling in the bushes outside his bedroom window. Thinking the house elf had come to visit him again, he went out to the garden, but not without his wand. Just in case it was something of a different matter, he was going to be ready.

When he reached the garden, he bent down to look in the moving bushes, and saw two large eyes peering back at him. So it was Dobby, he thought. He told Dobby to be still, and he would pull him free. Without much other thought, he reached in and grabbed a hold of what he thought was Dobby's arm. As far as he could figure at that time, it was a doll of sorts that someone had turned into a Portkey, because a second later he felt that jerk behind his navel that was accompanied with the Portkey experience.

He didn't know where he was when he finally got there, but he was very aware of the fact that there were two Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort standing there and that in the shock of the moment, he had dropped his wand in the garden. There was no fight on his end, because he knew it was pointless. After a few minutes of Lord Voldemort's ramblings on 'victory at hand', Bellatrix and her husband, Rodolphus Lestrange, were given permission to torture him in any way they saw fit as long as they didn't mess with his mind. He wanted that privilege for himself, later.

Somewhere in the curses and mad laughter, Harry blacked out. His dreams were complete darkness, and that was the one thing he was thankful for. Later, when he woke up, he felt all the pain they had made him endure, but saw none of the physical marks that should have been there. It was all clearly in his mind, and then it made sense. They were torturing him in a way that would drive him insane much quicker.

That night, they let him rest. Lord Voldemort said he had plans for him in the morning, and he didn't want to wear him out 'before all the fun begins'. The next day he was placed on a chair in a white room, and the mental images began.

Harry gave them only brief descriptions of certain sights, and none that dealt directly with them. He let them know, however, that they had been included in the fold.

"I don't know how I escaped, though." Harry kept his eyes on his hands, keen to not look at anyone. He could hear Ginny crying. "I felt drained and utterly helpless until all of a sudden, it felt like strength had risen up in me again. I closed my eyes, started running towards the wall, and the next thing I was on a strange street I had never seen before. I thought I saw a Death Eater coming for me, so I fainted to get someone else's attention. Luckily, though, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were right there and they...saved me. You know the rest from there."

Ginny wasn't the only one crying. Tears rolled out of Luna's eyes, though she seemed mostly composed. Professor Lupin had his face in his hand, and Professor Dumbledore sat quietly up front, droplets soaking into his long, white beard. Ron never was much for emotions along these lines, but he was crying in his own fashion. His eyes were blank, his face was a ghostly shade of white, and his mind was obviously dwelling on everything Harry had just said.

Harry felt relieved. Amazingly relieved that they all knew now what had happened, and why he had been acting so bad lately.

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated all of you," Harry whispered when no one else had spoke.

"Oh, Harry," Ginny blubbered as she stood and then threw her arms around his neck, in a fashion that reminded him greatly of Hermione. His heart stung. He wondered how she was doing. "We're sorry we've been prats about the situation, too. We knew you had a hard time, but if we would have known how hard, well I wouldn't have been so snotty."

Ron snorted, but they knew it was more on impulse than down right rudeness. "I'm sorry, too, mate. That's awful. Bloody awful."

"We should have been more sensitive," Luna chimed dully. She looked shell-shocked.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, we are all very sorry. I thank you for being brave enough to share you story. I do hope, however, that we will all remember that as far as the rest of the Hogwarts student body is concerned, this is still our little secret. It's for Harry to share as he will, from now on. And speaking of such, I think we should join the rest of the students in getting ready for bed. Mr. Weasley, Miss Weasley, Miss Lovegood, I take it in good faith that you can find your ways back to your respective dormitories. Mr. Potter, I will allow you time to talk to Mr. Lupin. I do believe that there is an empty classroom just at the end of the corridor where you can make yourself at home. Thank you and, good night."

The group stood, bid Professor Dumbledore goodnight, and then made their way out of the office and down the steps. When they reached the bottom, Lupin stood back as yet again, Ginny attached herself to Harry.

"Mum has been beside herself with worry. She's owled me twice a day to ask how you've been, and she's done the same to Ron. At least now I can tell her you've been making progress and that hopefully, you'll be better soon."

"Come on, Gin," Ron said as he gently tugged on her arm. "Give him some space. He doesn't need to be smothered and he needs to talk to Professor Lupin."

"If you insist on being formal, Ron, I would prefer you call me Lupin, instead," the former professor said from his position.

"Sorry, Pro- Lupin. Come on Ginny, let's go to bed." Ron made sure his sister was at least five feet away before he clapped Harry on the back, like he had just won another Quidditch match. "You know...if you need anything...you know."

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, I know."

Ron gave his own head a nod, once to Harry, and once to Lupin, and then lead Ginny down the hall. Harry heard her sniffle until she was out of sight.

"Are you ready to talk then, Harry?" Lupin stepped away from the wall, a small, sad smile on his face.

He didn't know if he was or not, but it was now or torture himself waiting for later. "Yeah, Pr...Lupin."

Lupin put an arm around his shoulder and started them towards the classroom. "To you, Harry, it's just Remus."