Shadow on My Heart

Chapter 17: Classroom Duels

Two weeks into the new term, storms raged both inside and outside of the castle. Severus was regretting the decision to keep his distance from Callista. They had been unable to be together since the students had returned to the school. After so many nights of having her comforting warmth next to him, he found himself incapable of sleep. The absence of sleep, coupled with a lack of profound relaxation, had caused him to become increasingly irritable. Now the Potions professor was stalking about the Potions classroom, taking out his private frustrations on those poor souls who were trapped in the dungeon for a double period.

Today he was breathing down the necks of his sixth year students. Their assignment over the break had been to research the various multipurpose poison antidotes and be able to brew one for presentation in class. Right now, the dank air in the dungeon classroom reeked with the choking fumes of several different, and a few botched, antidotes. While some of the dunderheads managed to concoct the potions more or less correctly, others had disgusting messes that were congealing foully in the cauldrons. For once, there were no explosions to deal with.

In his current foul mood, he simply couldn't understand that how, after nearly five and a half years of instruction, even advanced students could still be so very incompetent. Severus rubbed at a sore spot on the back of his neck and wondered about the possibility of making N.E.W.T. Potions an invitation-only class. Then he could hand-pick the students, taking only those who possessed a true talent for potion-making.

The professor's eyes shifted over to Potter, who was off to one side working alone. Word had it that he was still not on speaking terms with Weasley, and that Granger was wisely avoiding them both. Now the young man was squinting at the page of his Potions book as he held his breath before adding the next ingredient. Severus, as well as the students closest to the young man, braced themselves for a possible disaster. The brew hissed loudly as the steam thickened before it miraculously turned to the correct shade of green. Potter sighed in relief, as did his nearest neighbors. Severus felt the scowl creep across his face. He'd be damned if Callista wasn't tutoring Potter in Potions!

On the other side of the room, working with Hermione Granger, Ernie Macmillan was prodding the gelatinous blob in his cauldron, coming as close to swearing as he could without actually doing so. Severus swept passed him as the young man whispered to his new table mate, "I think Neville has the right idea, studying Potions independently."

The professor subtly listened in on their conversation, as he continued to ignore the ache in the back of his neck. Why would someone as inept as Longbottom even want to carry on with Potions?

"He's only doing it because it is the only way he can sit for the Potions N.E.W.T.," Hermione muttered back in a barely audible tone. "You had the heat a little too high, by the way."

"You could have mentioned that earlier, Hermione," her fellow prefect whispered in exasperation. "Still, having Professor Hawkins work with you is a grand sight better than having Professor Snape constantly waiting to pounce on you if you muck it up." Ernie prodded the floating lump. "I don't suppose that there is any way to salvage this, is there?"

What the bloody hell is Callista up to? How dare she take on a N.E.W.T. level student! Especially one who is so undeserving as to even speak the word 'potion'! Severus thought, as a flood of self-righteous anger pumped through his veins, resulting in a surge of pain in his head. Callista was clearly over stepping her boundaries. Of course, she was more than capable of teaching Longbottom, if for no other reason than that she had the patience of a saint, not to mention a death wish, considering the strong possibility that something was likely to go wrong.

"Ten points from both Hufflepuff and Gryffindor for the idle chatter. Now continue with your work in silence, or I will add a detention to it," Severus threatened, his tone hardly more than a soft hiss. He made his way to the front of the classroom and finished marking the essays that he had collected from the seventh years the class period before. He fumed inwardly about the reality that Callista had taken it upon herself to tutor a N.E.W.T. level student, when her position had been clearly defined as the instructor for the younger years. Then again, he remembered that Miss Granger had an ax to grind with Callista. Maybe that's what this was really all about.

Severus briefly brushed his hands over his eyes, noticing that the essay in front of him was sliding out of focus. The pounding pain in the back of his neck had been growing worse as the potion fumes thickened, and was now spreading into his head. As soon as the class was over, he would slip into his office and take something for the headache. The pain was intensifying and causing his stomach to churn. He was beginning to consider canceling his next class in order to get some rest. No, he would be fine; he just had to make it to the end of this class.

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During the lunch hour, Severus took his seat at the staff table. In between the double period with the sixth years and the single period lecture with the fifth years, he had managed to find the time to take a simple potion to relieve the pain. The pounding in his head had finally begun to subside to a dull ache. It was only a temporary fix; several hours of sleep was the only real cure. He must find a way to get some sleep, even if he had to resort to using the Draught of Living Death.

Callista slid into the vacant seat beside him. She took one look at him, taking in his unhealthy appearance. She averted her eyes, muttering under her breath, "Are you feeling ill, Severus?"

"Just a little headache, I haven't been sleeping well," he admitted reluctantly.

"I thought I was the only one," she said as a fleeting look of relief flashed across her face. An almost Slytherin-like smile caused her lips to twitch. "I'm experimenting with the unicorn placental blood. Would you be interested in seeing my research to date? Maybe around ten o'clock tonight? I should be finished with rounds by then."

"I don't think that will be possible, Professor Hawkins; some of us have House obligations," he said snidely between bites of shepherd's pie. The very thought of seeing her caused his frustrated body to react. He shifted slightly in his seat.

She narrowed her eyes before turning her attention back to her plate. Several minutes passed before she spoke again. "Sometimes headaches are caused by muscle tension, and counter pressure on the affected muscles can help relieve it. I know a little bit about acupressure. Maybe it would help. If you're interested, I'll be marking papers in the staff room after the last class this afternoon."

Severus kept the disinterested look firmly etched on his face. Internally, however, he was looking forward to being able to talk to her openly. Meeting her in a semipublic place seemed safe enough. His last class of the day was a lecture for the fifth year Defense Against the Dark Arts class, and she had a third year Potions lecture. Both of them had to pass the staff room on the way back to their respective offices. The other teachers rarely went in there after classes were finished for the day. There wasn't anything suspicious about either of them going into the staff room. The prospect of her alleviating his headache was quickly becoming the bright spot in his day. Besides, he needed to ask her if she was indeed tutoring Longbottom.

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The bell rang, signaling the end of the final class of the day. Severus assigned the homework and dismissed the class. He gathered the stack of parchment, tucking it neatly into his case. The throbbing pain in the back of his head was beginning to return, and he was so tired that he could have fallen asleep standing up. Hopefully tonight he would be able to sleep.

He tucked his wand securely into the pocket of his robe before he departed from the classroom.

Outside in the corridor, the students crowded the hallway, trekking back to their respective common rooms before dinner. Severus was nearing the turn for the staircase that led down to the staff room. He was about to head down the stairs when he heard his name. He seriously considered ignoring the person.

"Professor Snape." Severus stopped and turned to see Draco Malfoy striding down the hall toward him. "Professor Snape, can you spare a moment to answer a question for me?"

Severus raised an eyebrow at the fair-haired youth. He really didn't want to talk to the ferret; he had more 'pressing' matters to attend to. "I'm rather in a hurry, Draco. I have a potion I need to check on."

"Do you need an assistant, sir?" Draco asked eagerly. "Is it something interesting and experimental, by any chance?"

"No, I do not require any help, Draco. Now, what do you want?" Severus was growing impatient with the pale young man.

Malfoy watched the professor carefully. "It's about Professor Hawkins, sir. She seems to have given Darius Nightshade a detention that he didn't deserve. I was wondering if you could speak to her on the matter. She accused Nightshade of causing an explosion in the Potions classroom this morning, but Nightshade was not involved in the incident; it was Jonathan Cleary of Ravenclaw."

"I was not there to see what happened, Draco. But as Head of Slytherin, I am tired of other faculty members automatically jumping to the conclusion that it is always a Slytherin." Severus allowed an almost undetectable half-smile slide across his lips. Draco grinned at Snape. "However, before I speak to her, I will be speaking to Mr. Nightshade. If he is lying, and I will be able to tell, he will complete his detention as scheduled--and receive one from me as well."

Draco's smug look faltered for a brief instant. Severus masked his hatred of the pampered little Pure-blood prince, continuing with his sly half-smile. Draco nodded and muttered a barely respectful "Yes, sir," before turning about and marching back to his little cluster of Death Eater Spawn. With a stifled snort, Severus continued on his way to the staff room.

He glanced up the hallway before silently entering. Callista was sitting at the table with her back to the door, absorbed in the stack of parchments in front of her. He smiled deviously, quickly casting the spell to darken the room and enhance his sight. She cried out in surprise.

"Who's there?" Callista demanded, a slight tremor of fear in her voice. Severus slipped behind her, praying that she wouldn't somehow manage to hex him in the dark.

"'Finish, good lady; the bright day is done, and we are for the dark,'" he whispered in her ear before pressing his lips to the back of her neck. Callista sucked her breath in and shivered in spite of herself.

"Damn it, Severus, that wasn't funny! I could have hexed you!" Callista was shaking from head to toe.

"Finite Incantatem," he muttered, ending both of the recently cast spells. He took the opportunity to taunt her. "You didn't even draw your wand. I wonder what Moody would say if he knew you were sitting in a room, alone, with your back to the door, knowing that the man you were meeting was a Death Eater."

"You won't ever find out, because if you even dare mention that you tried to sneak up on me in a darkened room, he would hex you into next year," Callista said huffily, crossing her arms.

When he started to laugh, the throbbing in the back of his head began again. He winced at the sudden increase in pain. Callista took pity on him in spite of her annoyance. "Headache back? Sit down, and let me see what I can do."

He dropped into the chair next to her. The feel of her fingers on the back of his neck caused his pulse to quicken. Severus found himself wanting to melt into her hands. He went to lean back into her and--Ouch! He stifled an outcry of pain as the back of his neck erupted in fiery agony.

"Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, but your muscles are really tense," Callista apologized. "Here, take off your robe and coat. I'll see if I can fix this. Just let your head fall forward and....What's the matter?"

He fixed her with his dark eyes and stated the obvious. "How would that look if someone walked in, to see me half dressed, with you massaging my neck?"

She shook her head in exasperation. "It's not like you will be stripped naked and splayed on the table with nothing but a towel covering your privates. It's only your outer robe and coat, for the love of Merlin. Now, if you would rather I either leave you in pain or turn you over to Poppy...."

He glared at her as he removed his teaching robe and coat. Severus let his head fall forward, and Callista set to work on the knotted muscles in his neck and shoulders. As her fingers kneaded the tense tissues, he could feel himself gradually beginning to relax. Slowly but surely, the persistent throbbing in the back of his head began to fade. After a few more minutes, it stopped entirely.

"Better?" Callista asked as he nodded. "Good, then I want you to take a look at the notes I have on the research I've been doing."

He growled under his breath as she handed him a sheaf of parchment and began pointing out certain experiments. He squinted at the papers, trying to read the words. He came to a section were the handwriting was obviously not hers. He knew that tidy, rounded script; after all, he had read it for five years. It was Neville Longbottom's writing.

"Who is your lab assistant?" Severus asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Neville Longbottom," she answered and immediately braced herself for the impact of his anger. "He is an excellent assistant. Just so you know, I work with him in a small lab that the headmaster set up for me. Uncle Albus personally sits in on the lab sessions." She gave him a significant glare. "I rarely make the same mistake twice, Severus. I refuse to have my good name slogged through the mud because I choose to work with a student on a one-to-one basis."

"So, it's true that you're working with Longbottom?"

"Yes, and how did you find out about it?" Before he could answer, she snapped out, "Granger."

He looked at her appraisingly--gods, she was getting quick on the uptake. Then his face clouded as he asked, "Why are you doing an independent study with a student who failed his Potions O.W.L.? Longbottom has no talent for it whatsoever! The boy is barely much more than a ruddy Squib, Callista! You have overstepped your boundaries by taking him on as an independent student."

Callista waited for him to finish his tirade. She laid her hand against the side of his face, causing him to close his eyes and long for all of the rest of the world to leave them in peace. "Severus, he didn't fail his O.W.L.; he only had an 'E'. Neville wants to become a Healer, because--because of his parents. Remember them, Frank and Alice, tortured by that damnable bitch Bella and her husband and Barty? He wants to become a Healer to see if he can help them. I think he has a lot of potential. Besides, the Order needs a trained Healer, or at least someone in training. I'm doing it on my uncle's request."

"He sanctioned this!" Severus protested. When he raised his voice, the pounding in his head threatened to return.

"Before you rupture half of the blood vessels in your head, think about it logically. The Order needs people who can heal serious injuries, and Neville's good at it so far. Part of his problem is his lack of confidence. He has had to try to live up to his gran's ideal of his father. Then you were horrible to him in class, constantly intimidating him. You should be ashamed of yourself, Severus. Neville is a bright, dedicated young man, he could have been the one the prophecy--" She stopped suddenly.

"What do you know about it?" Severus grabbed her wrists, but Callista refused to look at him.

"I know you took the little bit you heard back to Voldemort!" Callista snapped. "They were babies, Severus, just tiny, helpless babies. How could you?"

Severus released her hands, fully expecting her to hex him or slap him. Whatever she did, he deserved it. He stared at his hands. At last, he dared to look up and meet her eyes. "At the time, I didn't think about anything other than how I could advance myself within the Dark Lord's service. The last thing I gave a damn about was how it would affect anyone else. The only thing I cared about was getting noticed. Lily had married James, and I had nothing and no one after we left school. I was angry and powerful and brilliant and the Dark Lord knew it. He offered me everything I wanted: power, recognition...."

"Lily was your friend, Severus. How could you do that to her?"

"I didn't know it was her child that the prophecy was speaking of. I never would have done anything to harm Lily."

"What about me?" she asked, staring at her hands. "Would you have handed me over to him, to Voldemort?"

"No, once you came into my life, I wanted to protect you. You meant everything to me."

Callista sat down opposite him, taking his face in her hands. "Severus, we can make this right. Don't you see? Harry lost his parents, and we lost our son. We were meant to protect him. By working to help him, you can right that past wrong."

"Callista, if he has any reason to trust me, all will be lost. I won't risk it," he whispered, holding her hands in his. "Besides, he is an arrogant little boy. He wouldn't accept my help now; not even if his life depended on it."

She sat there, silently staring at their entwined hands. Both of them knew that Harry's life, and the lives of so many others, depended on accepting help from all members of the Order, including Severus. The person he was least likely to trust.

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The following Friday, Severus was finishing the lecture for his sixth year Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Potter was sitting at a table on the left with Longbottom as the two feverishly scribbled notes on the various types of shield charms. He was surprised at how chummy the two had become since the end of November.

Severus couldn't help but seeing them in reversed roles. Neville Longbottom, Champion of Light, preparing to face the Dark Lord. He grimaced at the very thought. He was, however, even less comfortable with the idea of Longbottom tending to the wounded on a battlefield. The boy was terrified of his own shadow.... Well, not really; Longbottom did seem to be a bit more confident since the battle in the Department of Mysteries. He was certainly better at dueling than Severus would have ever thought him to be. According to Flitwick, Longbottom, now that he had his own wand, had been improving tremendously in his Charms work.

The professor's eyes shifted to the dark-haired young wizard seated next to Longbottom. Potter would probably be Gryffindor's version of Draco Malfoy--arrogant, spoiled, irritating. He would have still been Quidditch captain, or at least he would have been on his House team. Perhaps he would even have been a prefect. James would have indulged and spoiled him, while Lily would have been the one to remind him to be respectful of his teachers. Had Lily still been alive, maybe Severus would have made an effort to like the boy. No, that was out of the question.

With fifteen minutes left to the class, Severus announced the dueling pair of the day. The first tile was Malfoy's. The blond Slytherin strutted eagerly to the front of the classroom, staring haughtily at the rest of the class. Out of force of habit, the professor gave him an encouraging look. The young man's pale, prissy face turned in Potter's direction before he went on to attempt to stare down Granger and Weasley.

The second tile was drawn and Severus was startled to see the name "Potter" on it. Normally he would not be opposed to the possibility of either of the two little nuisances being made a fool of. But if Potter rashly used some of the Dark spells that Severus had been teaching him, Malfoy would be sure to report that bit of information back to his darling Aunt Bella. She, of course, would be more than happy to offer that straight to the Dark Lord. If that happened, then Severus knew he was as good as dead. It looked like Potter would be able to exact his revenge on him after all, providing the boy didn't hold back on the spells, as he was so apt to do.

There was, however, the possibility, albeit a slim one, that Draco could actually best Potter. Surely Draco's beloved Aunt Bella would not have let the holiday go to waste? And again, Malfoy wanted a chance to prove himself. Potter was the only other student in this class that could be a challenge to Draco. He would give the boy his chance, and find out what Bella had been teaching him at the same time. He clenched his teeth and barked out Potter's name. Excited whispers broke out all over the classroom, and Severus silenced the students with a glare.

Potter swaggered to the front of the classroom, fairly exuding arrogance. He was gripping his wand tightly in his hand. He faced Malfoy, and the two youths sized each other up. Potter's face gave away very little of what he was feeling. If he was afraid, he wasn't showing any signs of fear.

Malfoy, conversely, was openly showing how much he loathed Potter. If nothing else, the duel would be the talk of the castle for at least the next week.

"Well now, let's see how much you have learned. Mark your paces and begin on the count of three," Severus ordered coolly.

Lion and serpent reluctantly turned their backs on each other, marking off the required paces. On Severus's count, they began firing hexes. The classroom was filled with shouted spells and flashes of light. The spells were disappointingly mundane, but as the duel progressed, the two began to show signs of frustration.

"Castrare!" Malfoy shouted suddenly, causing Severus and every other male in the room to wince at the viciousness of the hex.

Potter threw up a Shield Charm, sending the deflected curse in the professor's direction. Severus just barely managed to sidestep the reflected flash of orange light. Potter fired off a Leg-Lock Curse, and Malfoy was suddenly bunny-hopping about the front of the classroom, trying desperately to stay on his feet. Seizing the opportunity, Potter disarmed his nemesis. The vast majority of the class erupted in triumphant shouts. While Severus was relieved that the duel had ended without any injuries, he was far from happy that Malfoy had lost once again to Potter. Harry slammed Malfoy's wand down on the desktop, glaring at the Slytherin.

"There's no need to gloat, Potter. Ten points from Gryffindor, for that pathetic display of poor sportsmanship." At this announcement, there were protests from anyone who wasn't a Slytherin.

Potter's mouth dropped open, and when he began to speak, it was obvious that he was struggling to keep his temper in check. "You're docking points from me because I won the duel, but he can use a vulgar curse?"

"Are you questioning my judgment?"

"Yes, I am!"

"You can now add a detention to that, Potter," Severus said firmly.

"Go to hell!" Harry shouted. The sharp intake of breath from his classmates was followed by a ringing silence.

"What did you say?" Severus demanded in fury.

"You heard me. I've had it with you and your pet ferret." Harry stormed back to his seat, throwing his book and parchment into his bag.

"You may have won here, Potter, but I'm still twice the wizard you are. So you can just kiss my lily-white, Pure-blood arse!" Malfoy spat at Harry's back, his face twisted with rage.

Without a word, Potter spun smoothly around, making a snapping motion with his wand. Malfoy fell to the floor, screaming and crying as if in terror. Severus cast a spell to lock the classroom door. Several of the girls were on the verge of tears, and the boys were at an obvious loss as to what to do. The professor knelt at Malfoy's side before ending the curse. Raising his eyes to meet Potter's, he made sure that the young Gryffindor knew that he had crossed the line. Malfoy curled into a ball, his cries diminishing to a soft whimper. The bell rang, and the class shifted nervously, praying that they would be dismissed. Severus waved his hand to unlock the door before dismissing the class and turning his attention to Malfoy, but not before noticing that Granger was immediately at Potter's side. The dark-haired young wizard turned away from her in anger.

Potter had used the Territo Curse on Malfoy. Draco would probably have severe nightmares for a week or so because of it. While it was a Dark curse, it was one that was at least commonly known. If Potter had to use a Dark curse on Malfoy, at least it had been one that he could have looked up in a book from the Restricted Section. At least it couldn't be traced directly back to Severus.

He helped the shaking young Slytherin to his feet. "Come along, Draco. Let's go down to my office, and I'll see if I have anything that will help calm you."

"Pr-professor Snape, please don't tell the Dark Lord. I-I'll be p-punished for this if you d-do," Malfoy pleaded, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I swear I won't say a word, Draco, unless I'm asked directly." For the first time that Severus could remember, he felt a small bit of compassion for a student. He shook his head. He must be going soft, and that definitely wasn't a good thing.

"Severus, what's going on?" Callista asked as she walked quickly across the room. She looked at Malfoy in surprise. "Is he injured?"

"He was hit with a Territo Curse, Professor Hawkins" Severus explained, adding nastily. "Potter did it, in case you were wondering."

"Take him up to my office. I may have something that will help." Her eyes held a gentle, almost maternal look, which surprised Severus. Malfoy, after all, hated Callista, and he had been very open about his feelings.

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Half an hour later, after Callista forced him to take Draught of Peace and performed a Cheering Charm him, Draco was a good deal calmer. She handed him a tiny flask of Dreamless Sleep. The young man improved further after a shot of Firewhisky was poured down his throat for good measure. Severus escorted the young man back to the Slytherin common room. He left strict instructions that he was to be summoned if Malfoy needed anything. He checked on the current potion in progress before returning via the internal Floo network to Callista's office.

Callista was sitting at her desk, critiquing potion samples. She seemed rather surprised to see him. "I didn't expect you to come back, Severus. Shouldn't you be in the dungeons taking care of Mini-Malfoy?"

"I wanted to ask you why you helped with Draco. It would have been just as easy to let me take him to my office or the hospital wing. You didn't need to treat him with any compassion whatsoever."

She sat the sample flask down and looked up at him with a serious expression. "I heard what he said to you about being punished. Regardless as to how I feel about him personally, he needed help, and I responded. At the time, he was just a terrified child who needed to be reassured and protected. Maybe when the time comes for him to make a decision between what is right and what is easy, he will remember that bit of kindness. Just maybe, it will make a difference."

Severus pulled her to him, pressing his lips hungrily to hers. At first she hesitated at the touch of his mouth on hers, and he couldn't understand her sudden reluctance. Was she beginning to tire of him? Did she realize that being with him was a mistake after all?

"Have I offended you, Callista, or have I worn out my welcome?" Severus asked, releasing her.

A flush colored her cheeks. She glanced at Severus through her thick lashes. "Do you want children, Severus?"

Dear Mother of Merlin, she's trying to tell me she's pregnant! Severus thought in a sudden panic, realizing that he had never bothered to use any preventative charms, nor could he remember if she had used any. He forced his voice to sound characteristically calm. "Is this something I still have a choice in, Callista?"

"Oh yes, it's just that it would be possible to conceive now if..."

Her announcement was like being plunged into icy water. He took a step back from her as if merely touching her would cause her to become pregnant. It wasn't that he was totally opposed the idea, but rather the dangerous circumstances in which they were living...

"Not now. It would be too dangerous now. Maybe if things were different, but now isn't the right time."

"I understand," she said, lowering her head. He couldn't help but hear the disappointment in her voice.

His slim fingers lifted her chin. "Callista, if things were different, you know I would give you what you want."

"Severus, you don't need to explain anything to me, and you certainly don't need to lie to me." A hint of anger had risen in her voice.

"I am not being untruthful," he protested indignantly. "You know what is being required of me. You know the risks I take every time I'm summoned. How can you even think that?"

She turned away from him; her response was choked. "Please, just go back to your quarters, Severus. I don't want to add to your burdens."

Furious, he Flooed back to his private chambers. For a fleeting moment, he considered seeking 'entertainment' in the village to help relieve his frustrations. He certainly didn't want to toss off like some pathetic adolescent. He grabbed his heavy cloak and was getting ready to leave when he suddenly realized that he would regret seeking companionship elsewhere. He had regretted it all those years ago, even though he had thought she was gone. Severus flung himself into the wingback chair in front of the fire, lowering his head into his hands. How could she think that I would lie to her about something like that? If I thought that she could carry my child and remain safe from the Dark Lord, there would have been nothing holding me back from her tonight. Callista knows how dangerous my life is. If something happened to me-- The thought ended abruptly. Is it because she knows that she could lose me that she wants to have a child? Either way, it is pure and utterly foolish feminine sentiment.

The weekend would begin tomorrow. He went into his private workroom and opened the brown cabinet. Sleeping potion in hand, he returned to his room and readied for bed. Everything would look better after a decent night's sleep.