Shadow on My Heart

Shadow On My Heart

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Harry Potter. Still admire J. K. Rowling? Of course!

A/N: Many thanks to Verity Brown, for expert beta skills.

Chapter 2: A Slight Change in Plans

Early in August, Severus was busy going through the class store cupboard. Diligently inspecting the ingredients, tossing out anything that was no longer useable and rotating in fresh stock. Normally, he would simply chuck anything that was no longer up to standard in the trash; however, this year he was being asked to save and set aside the unusable leftovers. He was told that Hawkins would be using the items to teach the first years proper preparation techniques. He had initially grumbled about it, but the truth was, it made sense to let students practice on the leavings, as opposed to using the top quality products. Owing to the fact that he enjoyed the prospect of no longer teaching the lower years, he did as was requested. Each evening he piled the doomed items in a box near the door and each evening Hawkins collected it.

Since their surprise reunion a month ago, he had rarely seen her. Now that she had moved into the quarters off of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, he was surprised that he saw her no more frequently. She was ignoring his existence, making it a point to only be in the dungeons when she was positive that he was elsewhere. At first he didn't really care, but the few times he had seen her, mostly for meals, he teetered on the verge of talking to her. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she laughed at Flitwick's jokes or discussed plants with Sprout. Often times she walked the grounds with Hagrid, helping him tend to the creatures in his care. The breaking point was the day she tramped into the castle bearing a bucket with a squishy, silvery lump of tissue in it.

"Can ya carry it down alrigh' there, Miss Callista?" Hagrid asked, smiling as she nodded. "Thanks again for all yer help. Feel free to come 'round anytime, now."

"Thank you so much Hagrid for allowing me to join you. I hope I have a reference book on the correct method of preparation for this." She continued down the corridor carefully lugging the bucket, nearly crashing into Snape.

He tossed her his best sneer. "Look where you're going, Miss Hawkins!"

She briefly threw him a nasty look and continued on her way. Snape asked Hagrid, "What on Earth does she have in that pail?"

"Oh, tha' be the afterbirth o' a unicorn, that would."

Severus blanched. "Unicorn placenta? How the bloody hell did she get that?"

"One o' the dames tried to drop a foal today an' had a bit o' trouble. Callista helped turn it and it was delivered jus' fine. The mare let her keep the mess. Righ' excited 'bout it she was, Callista that is, goin' on 'bout how it's so very rare." Hagrid shrugged his massive shoulders.

Snape leaned against the wall for support, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. Unicorn anything was difficult to come by. The hair and sometimes hooves or horn were used only rarely. The blood of a unicorn could stop death, but one had to be desperate to use it. The blood from the placenta was recognized to have the healing properties without cursing the user to a half life. He had certainly never used it or even seen it himself. His thoughts became furious: If she botches the preparation, I swear I'll kill her!

Within moments, he managed to get to the dungeon, to discover that she had the appropriate book out and was laying out all of the materials. He fixed his gaze into a cold, unconcerned mask as he strode over to the workbench. She continued to ignore him, concentrating on her work so completely that she could have been the only person in the room. He glared at her, waiting for her to ask for assistance. Once she picked up the scalpel, he had no choice but to break his stony silence.

"Do you know what you are doing?" he said huffily, as she continued to bisect the mass. "Miss Hawkins, I said-"

"I heard you. Now go away and don't bother me while I'm working." She spoke to him in a tone of utmost calm.

"If you do it incorrectly, you will foul it up."

"That won't happen if a certain obnoxious berk will remove his overly large nose from my business. I can read, you know. Besides, you of all people should be certain of my skills," she muttered in a quiet voice, as she continued to delicately cut.

She had him, and he knew it. He growled in frustration. "What methods are you using?"

"The blood will be distilled and concentrated before being sealed in crystal vials. It seems to have the longest shelf life and be the most versatile. The placenta itself will be air dried in cotton casing. Satisfied?" She went back to her work, laying the pieces on a wire rack so the blood drained into a glass beaker. "It was amazing, you know, seeing the foal come into the world. It was so innocent and pure. Life is such a gift."

Her words sank into his brain. She was hinting that he didn't fully appreciate life, Severus was certain of that. The things he regretted most about working under Voldemort were the many times he had taken lives. Each murder ate away at his soul and robbed him of part of his humanity. The tortures were even worse; at least for the most part, the killings were over quickly. Sometimes at night, he could still hear the pleading cries of the victims. Callista had been right to leave when she did; for all he knew, she was on the list of those to be killed. If he had been the one chosen to do it...

"There, that should be all, until the pieces drain out," she said, mostly to herself, as she removed her soiled work gloves and cleaned the work area. "I'll need to come back later to wrap the pieces in the casing and finish the prep on the blood. The whole process should take about six to ten hours. I guess I'm in for a long night. Professor Snape, I'll try not to disturb your evening."

"See that you don't," he snarled at her retreating back. He swooped to his desk and read down through the list of tasks he needed to complete before the start of term. Unfortunately, he found the only thing to do was wait until the students arrived. Perhaps he could spend the evening with the Dark Arts books, devising lessons for the N.E.W.T classes. They had already seen the three Unforgivable Curses, thanks to the impostor Moody two years ago. He could demonstrate them again. Potter and Weasley were in the class; possibly his aim could be off just a little? He was a suspected Death Eater; no way would anyone from the Ministry believe it to be an accident.

"Professor Snape, sir?" came the squeaky voice of a house elf. "I is having a message for you from Headmaster Dumbledore."

Severus took the parchment.

Severus,

There has been a slight change of plans. Please meet me in my office at 4 this afternoon.

Albus Dumbledore

"Hope that change of plans includes the sacking of Miss Hawkins or the expulsion of Harry Potter," he grumbled sourly. Not bloody likely.

At a few minutes before four o'clock, Snape was climbing the staircase to the headmaster's office. Inside, he could hear the rise and fall of voices. Upon opening the door, he was mildly surprised to see Hawkins standing there, hanging her head contritely, face reddened with embarrassment. There was only one other time he had seen her so chastised.

Callista stormed into the castle slightly ahead of the young Potions professor. She was furious that he had the gall to deduct points from Gryffindor. Since the beginning of the term two weeks ago, she had expressed how much she was beginning to like him, in spite of his grubby appearance and unpleasant demeanor. She had made it very clear that she admired his brilliant mind in the Potions lab, and appreciated his helpfulness when she did research. Right now, however, she was fuming over the fact that he had just pulled rank on her. Severus could sense that she was working up the nerve to vent her spleen on him, when they were met in the Entrance Hall by the headmaster.

"Professor Snape, Miss Hawkins, what is the meaning of this?" His eyes were devoid of their usual twinkle.

Callista opened her mouth to say her piece, but Severus cut her off. "Headmaster, I was patrolling the grounds and I found her down by the lake, sitting out in the open."

"Is this true, Callista?" he asked; his strict gaze seemed to quell her temper.

"Yes, sir," she whispered, a perfect picture of contrition.

"What were you thinking, dear girl? You know it isn't safe for anyone, especially you, to be out alone on the grounds."

"I couldn't sleep. I was hoping the night air would calm me," she whispered; tears of shame at her foolish action formed behind her eyes.

"How did you get out without Mr. Filch or Mrs. Norris noticing you?" the headmaster demanded quietly.

"I waited until Mr. Filch passed and, well, I slipped Mrs. Norris a bit of chicken." She looked up at her uncle through her thick lashes.

"You bribed his cat!" Snape was shocked. Yes, that was the kind of thing James Potter would do.

She looked at him and lifted her chin, "I didn't bribe her; I fed her."

"Callista, please go straight to your dormitory. I'll speak with you later," the headmaster said with a tone of finality.

"Yes, sir," she said quietly. Callista had only gone a few paces when she turned and asked in a sweetly innocent voice. "What about my detention, Professor Snape?"

Before he could answer her, Dumbledore replied firmly, "That will be discussed when I speak with you later. You are dismissed."

Once she was out of earshot, Severus asked, "Why did you override my authority, sir?"

"Severus, do you know who her father is? No? He is a ministry official heading a special task force for the capture of dark wizards. Even though I would, of course, vouch for you, I don't think it is wise for you to be seen alone with her, and that includes periods of detention. Things such as that could be misconstrued. She will serve her detention with either Professor Blackburn or Professor McGonagall." He surveyed the young man intently. "What are your intentions toward my niece?"

"Excuse me, sir?" He had no intentions.

"I know it must be difficult for you, Severus. Many of the students are only a few years younger than you are; however, you are now a professor here and any social contact would be entirely inappropriate." He lowered his voice. "Have you had any contact with Voldemort?"

"Severus, I see you are right on time. As I mentioned in my note, there has been a slight change of plans. I have decided that you will no longer be teaching Occlumency to Harry." A slight smile tugged at Snape's lips. "Callista will be taking over that part of his training, as well as the hand-to-hand combat. Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alastor will assist her."

"Are you sure Miss Hawkins can manage the task?" he asked flatly, making it a point to sound as if she wasn't in the room.

Callista frowned angrily, and Dumbledore spoke in his usual soothing tone. "I'm sure she is more than capable, after all Professor Hawkins learned from you. Don't look so shocked, Severus, I am well aware that you taught her when... it was a necessity. While she is not as skilled as you are, I'm sure she will be able to manage."

Snape smirked. "Will I have anything to do with Potter's training?"

"Yes," said Dumbledore softly, as Callista tensed, "you will be teaching him some of the Dark spells that would work best to his advantage for defending himself."

"I don't see how this is a good idea at all," Hawkins said, fighting to keep her voice controlled. "You have already allowed him to rape the poor boy's mind, and now you are going to let him corrupt Harry's soul as well! James and Lily would not want this for their son!"

Snape whirled on her, his rage finally getting the best of him, "How dare you stand there and pass judgment on me! You have been in hiding for the last fifteen years; I have been doing my best to keep him alive. Yes, I have been forced to do many terrible and disgusting things, things that will haunt me always. While you may find me abhorrent, I can assure you that I was never a rapist. As for teaching him the Dark Arts, there isn't anyone else."

"Callista, I'm sure that James and Lily would want Harry to be able to defend himself, no matter what." The old man put his arm around her shaking shoulders. "Severus, I am trusting you with his safety. Don't let us down."

Hawkins squared her tiny frame and faced Snape. Her voice was tight as she spoke. "If I lose one more person to the Dark Arts, I will kill you myself."

"Is that a threat?" he asked. "Remember that I have killed before, Miss Hawkins, something you know damn well you could never do. Everything you were taught was for defense only. You and I both know you refused to join Auror's training because in your heart you are incapable of that kind of hatred. I have committed enough sins to condemn me for eternity. Believe me when I say that I view my death as a release. If you need me, Headmaster, I will be in my quarters."

Severus swept from the room without waiting for Dumbledore to dismiss him. As he stormed down the second floor hallway, he became aware that Sir Nicholas was floating behind him.

"Dear me, Severus, where are you off to?"

"I have many important things to do, Sir Nicholas," he snarled without pausing.

"What could possibly be more important than what you have left behind?"

Snape continued on. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Surely, you must be overjoyed to have the lovely Miss Hawkins back. She was more than just a student to you."

Severus stopped dead in his tracks. "What are you insinuating?"

"Nothing that isn't common knowledge among the ghosts. You didn't really think that the Bloody Baron was beyond a bit of gossip, now did you?" The ghost went on with a laugh. "Miss Hawkins was so very infatuated with the young, brilliant Professor Snape, and it was obvious that you were rather taken with her genius and beauty. We may be dead, Severus, but we still remember what love looks like!"

"That is all in the past. She detests me now, and I have long since gotten over my feelings for her. Now excuse me, I have a lot of research to do." Snape started toward the staircase, lost in thought.

A small knot of seventh year students were in the courtyard, discussing their future plans. Severus, who was stuck doing yard duty, a very unpleasant part of his teaching responsibilities, listened to them.

"I'm hoping that I'll get high enough marks to get into the Auror training program," said Allen Buxley, the Quidditch captain for Gryffindor. "If not, I hope to get an offer from Pride of Portree."

"I sent my application to Gringott's last week. I can start by working over the breaks just to see if I like it." Dana Lions turned to Callista with a smile. "I suppose you'll get in the Auror program. That's what your father's hoping for anyway. Isn't he, Callista?"

"What he wants and what I want are two different things. I prefer healing to killing." Callista shook her head. "I just don't have it in me, I guess. He was very furious with the headmaster about the appointment of Professor Snape."

"A Death Eater suspect, I'm sure." Buxley's handsome face darkened. He put his hand on the small of Callista's back.

"Daddy is forever asking me questions about him. What does he do? Is he teaching us any Dark potions? I'm tired of trying to explain to him that Professor Blackburn still teaches our class and Professor Snape is rarely there. All I've ever seen him do is mark papers for the lower years."

Dana's eyes shifted nervously to the young professor. "He was in Slytherin. My brother remembers him; up to his eyeballs in the Dark Arts, Snape was."

"Just because he was in Slytherin doesn't mean he has the Dark Mark. Besides, Uncle wouldn't have offered him a post if he wasn't sure about his loyalties."

"Well, I think he's horrid, sneaking about the castle grounds, giving the Head Girl a detention and constantly looking like he just got out of bed. He should at least take the time to properly groom himself," Dana's roommate Cera commented.

"So that's who gave you the detention!" Allen growled, pulling Callista to him. "You should be more careful, Callista. It probably wouldn't be safe to be alone with him. Mum works at St. Mungo's; she's seen what Death Eaters can do to women."

"He wouldn't hurt me. I've spoken with him while I worked with Professor Blackburn. Professor Snape was ever so polite, and he helped me with my research. I rather enjoyed his company. I thought he was, well, nice," she finished lamely.

Severus could hardly believe his ears. Not only was she defending him to her friends, but she thought he was nice. He couldn't remember the last time someone said anything good about him. WHACK! There was a sharp pain above his right eye. Something just hit him. He looked around to see a terrified, red-haired boy looking at him. "William Weasley!"

"Oh, Professor Snape, are you all right?" Callista called, hurrying over to him. "He didn't do it on purpose, sir. They were playing a game, and he missed. You're cut. Please, let me take care of that."

Callista gently dabbed at the cut with a clean handkerchief. She carefully touched the injury with the tip of her wand; he felt it heal instantly. She smiled at him. "It may bruise, but you should be fine in a day or two."

"Thank you, Miss Hawkins."

Her smile warmed his heart in a way he didn't even know was possible.

Snape yanked open the door to his office and slammed it behind him. There was no possibility of Callista ever treating him like that now. In the solitude of his office, the memory of her kindness was overwhelmed by the siren song of his dark books.