Shadow on My Heart

Shadow on My Heart

Chapter 1: Unexpected Reunion

Severus Snape stepped into the foyer of number twelve, Grimmauld Place for the first time since Black's death. The only reason he came was for the simple fact that Dumbledore requested his presence. Normally, Snape would have been thrilled at the thought of going there and flinging into Black's face how he was risking his life for Sirius' precious brat of a godson while Black cleaned the house. Now that he was dead and gone, it hardly seemed important anymore. Inwardly, Snape cringed at what foolish and pointless training he would be forced to give the arrogant little whelp. Dread filled him at the thought of giving up yet more of his nonexistent spare time to waste on Potter. Part of him hoped that he would be given an excuse to cause Harry pain and suffering like the brat's damned father and Black had caused. Perhaps this was the chance Severus had been waiting for. The Potions Master steadied himself before opening the drawing room door, wiping all emotion from his mind.

Potter sat beside the old man. He looked wretched, thin and pale with dark circles under his eyes. Severus thought, Has he finally realized that he alone is to blame for Black's death? No, I am sure that somehow the blame will fall on my shoulders.

There was a young woman sitting with her back to the door. Her hair fell in dark, thick waves, the kind of hair a man would relish running his fingers through; however, he was no longer a man, merely a creation of two opposing forces. Yet he wondered who she was. Ah yes, she was most likely was just another candidate for the Defense Against the Dark Arts job. Snape hated her already, for that should be his post. He alone knew what horrors the Dark Arts could inflict upon the mind.

"Severus, how good of you to join us on such short notice," said the headmaster in greeting.

The woman turned to look at him. Now he saw her face: soft, clear, ivory skin and beautifully arched eyebrows over the most captivating blue-green eyes he had seen since... No, this couldn't be happening. That person had disappeared and was assumed dead fifteen years ago. Here she was, looking at him wide-eyed and shocked. Her full lips formed his name, and his usually empty heart filled with emotion. He quickly regained control.

"I see that you remember my niece, Callista," the old man said, with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes.

As if I could ever forget her, he thought. Quickly he closed off his mind to her presence. "You needed to see me, Headmaster?"

"We need to rearrange the Potions and Defense courses for this year."

"Why is that, sir?"

Professor Dumbledore stared at him, and Snape knew that the old man was trying to gain access to his emotions. After all these years, he thinks that he can just invite himself into my mind. I feel nothing; it is as if she is not even in the room.

"I need you to teach the Defense Against the Dark Arts courses the fifth year and up as well as O.W.L. year and N.E.W.T. level Potions. Professor Hawkins has more than enough qualifications to teach the beginning levels. I'm sure you remember her from your first year teaching at Hogwarts. You took over her pre-apprenticeship when Professor Blackburn died."

It took the professor a moment to digest the words. Did that mean that starting today he would never need to watch another eleven-year-old girl cry when she failed to properly read instructions? Would he never have to mark another paper where more words were spelled incorrectly than correctly? If only this had happened five years ago, then Severus would have been spared dealing with that total incompetent, Neville Longbottom.

Snape took time to consider this option. All students who were somewhat intelligent, and an extra free period a week, as he would be teaching six classes instead of seven. Working with the Dark Arts, even if it was only teaching the defensive portion. He was sure that he would be still stuck with that insufferable know-it-all Granger, now four periods a week as opposed to two, and more than likely still have to put up with Potter and Weasley. However, Snape seriously doubted that either of those two dunderheads had managed to receive 'Outstanding's' in their Potions O.W.L.s. All in all, it might not be terrible.

"How will Miss Hawkins be able to teach eight classes? That is a very large course load, and at least one of the classes will overlap." Severus snapped his mouth shut, wondering why on earth he even pretended to care.

"Professor Hawkins will not be teaching the third year Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Who will be teaching it? Lupin?"

"No, I'll be teaching it, sir." Potter had risen to his feet. Snape noticed that now the young man stood nearly as tall as himself.

"You? Headmaster, is this a joke? Surely this little boy..."

"I'm not a little boy. The qualification for a teaching assistant is an 'Outstanding' mark at the O.W.L. level. Therefore, I qualify." Harry ground his words out in a feeble attempt to mask his anger.

Hawkins looked at Professor Snape; her eyes betrayed nothing, and her voice was even. "It would delight you to know, Severus, that he chose Defense over Potions. He qualified for both."

Potter received an 'Outstanding' in O.W.L. Potions? That was not possible. Snape felt as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs. He looked at each of them in turn. Harry had a look, in the professor's opinion, of utter arrogance plastered on his face; the old man's eyes were twinkling as he tried to again gain access to Snape's thoughts; and Hawkins looked as if he should be pleased at the accomplishment of this student. Severus knew that she was remembering the look of pride he'd had over her outstanding performance for her Potions N.E.W.T. She didn't realize that this was one student he longed to see fail.

A twenty-two-year-old Professor Severus Snape waited outside the examination room while she finished giving her N.E.W.T. presentation. If it had been possible, he would have paced a groove in the stone floor. The door creaked open, and Callista walked out, her face expressionless, a by product of the Occlumency lessons he had been giving her. She passed him, as if she didn't even see him. Snape knew exactly how her body swayed under those school robes.

"Well?" he asked, with an anxious tone to his voice.

"Well, what?" Her voice sounded innocent and slightly puzzled.

"Fine," he said, realizing that she wasn't going to tell him unless he asked the question directly. "How did your presentation go?"

"Are you sure you want to know?" Her eyes were still clear, as she met his gaze full on, revealing nothing. Her skills were nearly equaling his own.

"I suppose you became nervous, lost your head, and the examiners had to comfort you," he teased, raising an eyebrow.

She rolled her lovely deep blue-green eyes."Hardly."

They were standing so close to each other that he could virtually feel her heart beating. In a few days, she would finish school, and he would no longer be her professor. Severus reached out to place his hand on her waist. She looked up with shining expectant eyes. He lowered his mouth to her ear, whispering, "You passed then?"

"You had doubts?" she asked in a matched whisper, her lips grazing his jaw. He suppressed the urge to back her to the wall and take her on the spot.

"Never."

"Never!" he snapped. "Never in any reality could Potter have gotten an 'Outstanding' in his Potions O.W.L.! That is just not possible."

Callista stood in front of Professor Snape, smiling. Her head barely reached his chin. "Severus, you should be very proud of Harry's accomplishment. You're a good teacher--"

He cut her off abruptly. "He is sloppy in his Potions work. That is why it's impossible for him to have passed."

"I only ever did poorly in your class because you distracted me with your nasty comments. The times I did well, something always happened to my sample flask!" Harry spat.

Potter is seeking to blame me for his failings. Draco Malfoy accidentally knocked over his samples. The professor sneered at him. "Are you accusing me of failing you, Potter?"

"Gentlemen, that is enough!" Dumbledore held up his hand, ending the potentially ugly scene. "Harry, I will send you the course syllabus. You will be teaching under the direction of Professor Hawkins. You will need to submit your lesson plans to her at the end of each week for her to review. To make this easier, and give you space to work, you will share the office with her. Now, if you have no further questions, I believe we need to head down to the kitchen for dinner." Dumbledore ushered the Boy Wonder out of the door, leaving Snape and Hawkins awkwardly alone.

As the door closed, Snape turned on his heel to leave. She reached out to touch his arm; he stiffened at her closeness. Setting his face, Severus turned to her, wincing at what he saw in her eyes now. Did she miss me these last fifteen years? After all, we did not part on positive terms. The look in those eyes made him want to forget the past. Suddenly, the memory of her betrayal flooded his mind, and his heart hardened.

"I've missed you, Severus," she whispered. "I had no idea you were still at Hogwarts. I thought that perhaps you were dead by now. Being a spy carries risks, no matter whose side you're on. Uncle Albus told me everything...well, almost everything. I'll be helping to train Harry. They need him to learn hand-to-hand combat. If you would be willing, I also want to help work with him in Occlumency. He's a very gifted young man."

"He's an arrogant, self-centered bastard like his father." He kept his tone even and refused to look at her.

"He's not like James or Sirius--"

"Don't you mention their names to me. You know how cruel they were." His thoughts went back to the day he had been suspended in the air and stripped of all dignity.

"Lily stood up for you, and he's her son as well!" Callista's eyes blazed with anger and her jaw had set stubbornly. "You really have changed. I expected you to be angry with me, but you have become so bitter and hard-hearted. Perhaps I should have stayed away."

He looked down at her, making sure that fifteen years worth of pain and rage were evident in his dark eyes. "At last we agree."

She practically threw herself out the door and slammed it. Outside in the hallway, the portrait of Mrs. Black began screeching in fury.

Snape fell into the chair as he remembered the first time he saw the adult Callista.

"Professor Blackburn, I trust you remember Severus Snape?" Dumbledore said, as he took young Severus Snape around to the dungeons of Hogwarts. The young man was to begin teaching part-time in September. The classes were finishing up exams, and they were sitting in on the sixth year Potions practical.

"Ah yes, my most excellent student. How are you, young man?" the withered old Potions master greeted him warmly.

"Fine, sir." Snape gazed around the dungeon. "Part of me feels like I am home again."

"I haven't had a student who could hold a candle to you. Well, that's not quite true; Callista Hawkins is equally brilliant. She is the dark-haired one over there. I'm staying on until she finishes school. She's doing a pre-apprenticeship with me next year. Nobody takes anyone under eighteen because of the risks, but she is more than ready to do the work. An amazing mind she has. I'm sure the sorting hat struggled with where to put her. She would have fit into Ravenclaw nicely. Callista, come here if can leave your work, I want you to meet someone."

A young woman walked over to join them. Her chestnut brown hair was pulled back away from her face. Her eyes were beautiful, wide set and the most incredible shade of deep blue-green sprinkled with golden flecks. She smiled at Severus, and his heart skipped a beat. He prayed that she wouldn't remember him from his days at Hogwarts.

"Miss Hawkins, this is Mr. Severus Snape. He was my best student until you brightened the dungeons. He will begin teaching here next year, and take over when I retire next June," the ancient man introduced them.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Snape," she said, as she shook his hand firmly.

"The pleasure is mine, Miss Hawkins." He tried to sound mature.

"How is the potion coming along?" Professor Blackburn asked, smiling.

"Quite well, sir," she began, excitedly. "I decided to crush the foxglove to be able to extract the essence more quickly. I should be able to lower the simmering time, which in turn should keep the bowtruckle blood from curdling." Her entire face positively glowed with fervor. It was the same look Severus knew had been on his face every time he found a new technique. He had to admit that it only enhanced her stunning beauty.

"Excellent!" The elderly man clapped his hands together in delight.

She smiled at them before excusing herself to return to her project. Snape watched the concentration on her face as the pale blue vapor began to rise from her cauldron. Her hands ladled some of the liquid into a beaker to cool. There was no smugness, only passion for her work. She looked over at him again, fully aware that the young man had watched her every move. Dumbledore surveyed him over his glasses. Apparently, he had noticed Snape watching her as well.

Lupin walked into the room. He stood, leaning casually against the doorframe, watching Severus. He looked a bit peaky. "You never thought you would ever see her again, did you?"

"I had a job to do, Lupin. I never thought about her after she left." Severus rose gracefully to his feet.

"Yes, you did. She kept you just this side of the light all those years ago. The thought of her coming back has kept you steady ever since." His hands were in the pockets of his tattered robes.

"She made her choice to betray me. I ceased to care for her existence long ago."

"Now that is a lie," Lupin accused, crossing his arms over his chest.

"If you're finished, I need to head back to the castle." Snape side-stepped the other man as he exited the room.

"You're making a mistake. Severus, go to her. She's in the garden," Lupin told him.

Snape wished Lupin wouldn't stare at him. He just kept walking on without a sound. Soon I will be back at the castle. I will need to look over some of my old books.

Later that evening, Severus Snape sat before a low burning fire in his quarters. He had pulled out a dusty box from the corner of his closet. With an almost loving expression on his sallow face, he stroked the leather bound covers. Delving Into the Dark Arts, was the first Dark book that he had received, at the tender age of nine. His father, aware that his son was deficient in aesthetics, instead possessing a fathomless intelligence, had given it to him, saying to be sure of his loyalties. Not having any friends to encroach on his time, young Severus had eagerly read the book and become consumed by its power.

There had been many books over the years, and those that remained were in this box, waiting for him like old friends. It was small wonder that he had known more curses when he entered school than most of the seventh years. The only literature that he had ever been exposed to dealt with the Dark Arts. He wondered how it was that somehow he had managed to enter into Voldemort's inner circle while his father had not. With a hollow heart longing to be filled, he scanned cover after cover of his books.

After a long time, his eyes wandered to the clock over the fireplace. It was after midnight, and he might as well turn in. He hung his black robe in the wardrobe and tossed the rest of his clothing into the hamper by the door. Pulling on his old gray nightshirt, he yawned, hearing his back crack in several places when he stretched. He ran his fingers through his greasy hair before he settled back under the warm covers.

The night was so warm that he decided to take a walk along the edge of the lake. As he approached the shore, he noticed that someone else had taken up the same idea. Callista Hawkins was sitting on a stump, the wind was blowing through her long, chestnut-brown hair. She was wearing Muggle clothes, an odd manner of dress for one from a pure-blood family. He took another step, breaking a twig. In less than a heartbeat, she drew her wand, pointing it in his direction.

"It's Professor Snape!" he shouted, holding up both hands.

She didn't lower her wand. "What's the mass of one ounce of powdered nettle root?"

"What?" he asked, in momentary confusion.

"Answer the question, or you'll lose a body part!" Her voice had a threatening quality to it.

"Thirty-eight point three grams."

"Oh, it is you, Professor." He noted the relief in her voice, as she lowered her wand.

"If it had been an enemy, you would be dead by now! Why are you out of the castle at this time of night, Miss Hawkins?"

"I couldn't sleep. I came for a bit of fresh air." Her voice was apprehensive.

He stopped next to the stump she was occupying. How very Gryffindor of her to sneak out at night. He looked down into her lovely eyes, and seeing there was no guile there, he said, "Ten points from Gryffindor, and a detention for being out of bounds after hours. I expected better behavior from the Head Girl."

Anger and surprise shifted across her face, but she didn't dare answer him back. He was, after all a teacher, even though she knew well that he was only a few years her senior. "Would you care to escort me back to the castle? You need to be sure that I get back safely. I don't think it would look good to the headmaster if his beloved niece was attacked right after her callous, young professor sent her back to the castle unguarded."

"Touché. Professor Blackburn was right, you do have a brilliant mind," he said, as the corners of his mouth twitched against his will.

"I learned from the best," she said, lightly springing to her feet.

"Who?"

"James Potter and Sirius Black."

Severus woke with a start.

Another reason to hate her, he thought, laying back down, she was friends with them.

Sleep was elusive that night, punctuated with dreams of taunts, gentle touches and laughing blue-green eyes.