The Test Tonks Nearly Failed

The Test Tonks Nearly Failed

“All right, Miss Nymphadora Tonks?”

“Yes? And please, just Tonks.”

“Of course, Miss Tonks are you aware of the rules?”

“Um - I can’t use my wand.”

“Correct. You may begin.”

“Yes, sir.”

...

“I said you may begin.”

“I know, but where? At that bush, or that cluster of boards made to look like a miniature house?”

“The - er - cluster of boards. And it’s a dog house, Miss Tonks.”

“Right,”

...

Crash.

“Ow!”

“Miss Tonks, this is stealth and tracking, and it’s a test no less. Please, the noise is to be a minimum.”

“Sorry, but that stick came out of nowhere.”

...

Snap.

“Oh, bullocks!”

“Miss Tonks, as I said before. This is stealth and - ”

“I know what it is, all right?”

“Of course you do, now please continue.”

“Will this count against me?”

“Of course.”

“Are you sure you can’t just pretend you’re momentarily blind and deaf for a few minutes?”

“Positive.”

“Only fools are positive.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing, sir.”

“Continue, Miss Tonks.”

“Right-o.”

...

Crash.

“Bloody hell! Where did that thing come from?!”

“It’s part of the test, Miss Tonks.”

“Yes, but must you have werewolves jump from the bushes?”

“Yes, now continue.”

“I’m seriously doubting the Ministry’s ability to create accurate situations here, any animal such as a werewolf or a vampire are going to jump out at you in daylight.”

“Miss Tonks, this is just a test, please keep your comments to yourself.”

“Sorry sir, I just can’t help it.”

“If I may add, having pink hair will not help you hide.”

“Oh, is this better?”

“Orange isn’t good either.”

“Yes well, you could have just told me you didn’t like my hair earlier instead of making all these pretenses.”

“Finish the course, Miss Tonks. You still have to get through tracking.”

“Oh, right.”

...

...

...

Crash. Bang. Snap.

“Bloody - “

“Miss Tonks, must you make such a ruckus?”

“I’m not trying to, that hex - which is fake, might I add - came from the tree. That’s not real-life.”

“Miss Tonks - “

“And that rake shouldn’t be in the middle of a forest anyway. In fact, neither should that ‘dog house.’”

“Miss Tonks - “

“And might I add that if you wanted this to be real, you could have had fake animals such as bundimuns or blooming centaurs. Things that might actually pop up at any time.”

“Miss Tonks, you - “

“You know, if you really wanted to make this seem real, you could have made a replica of a city street or something. But the woods? Really, as if I’d be trying to sneak around in the woods.”

“Miss Tonks - “

“What?”

“Would you kindly finish your test?”

“Oh, of course, but it would be much easier if it were realistic.”

...

...

Crack.

“Oops.”

...

...

Snap.

“Sorry.”

...

...

Crack. Crash. Snap.

“Oh my, was that makeshift teepee supposed to fall over like that?”

...

“Sir?”

...

“Are you all right? You’re a little pale. Let me check.”

“No, no that’s - “

Snap.

“Oh damn, you shouldn’t leave your wand there, sir.”

...

Crunch.

“Oh crikey, I’m sorry sir. I’ll buy another pair of glasses, I swear.”

“Just get away from me!”

“Sir?”

“I quit.”

“No sir, a broken wand is no reason to quit.”

“I’m not quitting because of my wand, Miss Tonks. I’m quitting for my own well-being.”

“Are you sick?”

“No,”

“Oh, then what’s the problem? You look healthy except you’re rather pasty right now.”

“You’re the problem, Miss Tonks.”

“Oh...well I promise I’m not contagious.”

“You’re going to kill us all!”

“I am?”

“Yes, I’m going to laugh when the Ministry falls apart because you accidentally pushed down one of the supporting pillars!”

“I wouldn’t do that,”

“Oh, wouldn’t you?”

“No, actually, I wouldn’t.”

“Oh good, I suppose we’re all safe now, hmm?”

“Um - can I finish my test?”

“No.”

“But - “

“You’re going to have to find another advisor to - to give you your test. Perhaps Alastor Moody, he’s gotten himself enough wards around himself he’ll be safe from you.”

“That’s not very nice, sir.”

“Oh? Not nice? And you think breaking my wand is nice?”

“Well no, but that was an accident.”

“It’s always accidents. ‘Oh no! I knocked over tree!’ or ‘Oh my, I broke the dog house.’”

“Well, they are!”

“Sure, Miss Tonks, I’m very inclined to believe that someone can be that clumsy and still survive as long as you have. In fact, someone as daft as you can survive Auror training thus far.”

“Now sir, that’s going too far.”

“Too far? You want to see too far? You fail.”

“What?”

“That’s right, you heard me! You fail. Ha!”

...

“Oh, what, you’re crying now? Am I supposed to feel guilty? You broke my glasses, I can’t see! You broke my wand, I can’t defend myself! You broke my training facility, I can’t do my job!”

“I said I was sorry,”

“Just leave me alone! Go away!”

“I can’t go, sir. I have to get my test results.”

“If I passed you, would you promise to leave me alone and kill yourself if I ever see you again?”

“I - er - I guess so.”

“Good.”

“Thank you, sir.”

...

Squick.

“Oh, was that your lunch?”

“Miss Tonk! If you’re not out that door and a hundred miles away from me in two seconds, I swear to Circe I’ll fail you and then dispose of your body.”

“That’s a little brutal, sir. It’s just a lunch – “

“OUT!”

“Yes, sir I-Have-A-Stick-Up-My-Bum.”