Perfect

Snow was falling. Small, near-invisible flakes were coming down, quietly covering the landscape outside his dormitory window. They stuck to the window itself, partially obscuring his view of the winter scene.

Remus sighed and looked away. He had no idea why he was so depressed. It had been such a good prospect for a winter break, too. His seventh year at Hogwarts, and the only chance he had ever really had to spend some sorely needed time by himself had finally happened. Almost all of the Gryffindors had gone home for the Christmas holiday. The only ones left were himself and Sirius.

That knowledge in and of itself was enough to make him whoop with delight. In a very controlled, subdued manner, of course. He had been wary at first of being left alone with Sirius, but then again, when had it ever been different? He had been in love with Sirius for almost as long as he could remember, and there didn't seem to be much point to it all. Sirius was a ladies' man, through and through. He had gone through girlfriend after girlfriend, never staying with any one longer than a couple of weeks. Some of them he seemed to like better than others, but all of them had one thing in common that Remus, himself, could not claim. They were female. It was a simple enough thing, being male as opposed to female, under usual circumstances. Unfortunately, the circumstances Remus had unintentionally thrown himself into could be described as anything but usual.

Sirius would never want him. It was as simple as that. They were both guys, and although that was far from a problem to Remus, he knew that the topic was off-limits to Sirius. So Remus lived with his unrequited love, felt sorely like a character from a badly-written romance novel, and said to hell with it all.

It wasn't that he had never been particularly romantic, but he always liked to think that if he ever fell in love, the person he loved would feel the same way about him. Not for sentimentality's sake, rest assured, more for simplicity and practicality. Remus was a simple and practical man, far from the sentimental person he had, at one point, wanted to be.

So it was with more than his fair share of disappointment that he realized he had been depressed all through winter break. He hated feeling sorry for himself, but that's just what was happening. James, Peter, Lily, and even Snape had gone off to spend Christmas with their respective families, and here he was, alone and pining on Christmas Eve.

He shook himself abruptly. How pathetic was he that he was going to let a little thing like loneliness get him down? True, he was alone, as Sirius had gone off god-knew-where earlier that day. They hadn't even really spoken to each other for most of the break. Sirius seemed distracted, and Remus just didn't like having to hide what he wanted to say all the time. So being apart from Sirius was not the problem. Well, essentially, it was the essence of all of his problems, but it was not the problem at hand.

No, the problem at hand was that Remus was moping in his room when he should be downstairs, enjoying the Christmas Eve feast with everyone else who had stayed. Yet he just couldn't bring himself to go down there and act happy so that no one would worry about him. He hated being worried over, and he knew he would have to smile and laugh when all he really wanted to do was go to sleep and forget everything that had been on his mind.

Just as he was getting up to get changed, a knock sounded on the door.

"Moony?"

Remus swallowed thickly. Bugger. He hadn't been expecting Sirius to be back yet. It was only just after eight. He had been staying out of the dormitory until after Remus had gone to sleep almost every night so far. Why was he back so early now?

The door opened cautiously, and Sirius tilted his head in. His hair was just as disheveled as usual, curling slightly around his face. He startled as he saw Remus standing there.

"Oh, um, I didn't know you were in here."

Remus looked at him. "You called my name."

"Well, yeah. But you didn't answer."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No, you don't have to apologize. It's your room, too, you know," Sirius said, lightly. Remus swallowed once more. "So, uh, I was just wondering why you weren't at dinner."

"I wasn't hungry." Remus' stomach growled audibly. He ignored it.

Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable. "Oh. Okay," he replied. He seemed distracted. As usual. Remus fought the urge to sigh. Sirius was always elsewhere these days.

"Did you want something else?"

Sirius looked surprised at the question. He looked straight at Remus, and then his eyes skittered away. "No, I..." He stopped suddenly, and visibly shook himself. "Yes. Yes, I did want something else."

Remus was vaguely surprised. "Oh. What?"

"Umm... why don't you sit down?"

Both of Remus' eyebrows raised at this. "What?"

Sirius walked to stand next to Remus' bed and gestured to it. "Sit."

Remus rolled his eyes and obliged. "Fine."

There was silence for a good minute. Then Sirius began pacing in front of Remus' bed. "Look, Moony, I've been thinking a lot lately." He stopped pacing and looked slightly away from Remus. "I..."

"What?" Remus asked, after a few moments had passed and Sirius seemed unwilling to continue.

Sirius visibly paled. "I... I could use a glass of water right about now."

Remus rolled his eyes, and glared at him. "Then go get a glass of water. That can't be what you wanted to tell me."

Another silence, and this one was uncomfortable. Remus shifted, and slowly he began to feel uneasy. Sirius must have something important to tell him. What was it? What could it be? He had never acted like this before, not even that horrible time in fifth year when Sirius had announced that he'd been disowned. What could be causing him more stress than being disowned? It had to be something horrible.

Oh, bloody hell. He wished James was there, so that Sirius could confide in him. James always knew how to handle these sorts of situations. He had a natural affinity for people, and his friendship with Sirius was renowned. They were as close as friends could possibly be. They told each other everything, and Remus was sure that James would know how to handle Sirius like this. Remus knew that he couldn't handle this because of what he wanted to, which was kiss Sirius lightly and tell him everything would be all right. Remus wanted to tell him that he would always be there, no matter what, and that whatever happened, no matter how bad it was, they could get through it together.

Of course, if Remus said that, he was quite sure Sirius would throw a fit, punch him, and then hex him for good measure.

So he said the only thing that came to his mind.

"What's wrong, Sirius? Did I do something?"

Sirius looked right at him. It made Remus feel uncomfortable. "Did you do something?" He laughed quietly. "Not intentionally."

Remus' insides dropped. Oh god. He had done something to Sirius. What had he done? What had he done that was so terrible that was making Sirius act this way?

A thought occurred to him then, and he at once wished it hadn't.

Sirius must have found out. That must be it. Oh god, oh no, oh bloody hell. Sirius knew that he liked him, and he was getting ready to end their friendship. That was it. It had to be.

"I'm sorry," Remus said suddenly, before he could stop himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I-"

"Moony!" Sirius looked surprised, and immediately sat down next to Remus. "No, I didn't mean it like that. You haven't done anything wrong. If anything, I should be the one apologizing." Sirius' face hardened. "But I won't. Not for this."

"Sirius," Remus whispered. "Just tell me. Whatever it is."

Sirius looked... resigned? Depressed? Defeated? "You won't like it."

"Just bloody tell me!" Remus shouted.

"I love you!" Sirius shouted back, eyes tightly shut. "I love you."

The silence seemed to stretch on and on. Remus thought it would go on forever until Sirius spoke again.

"Right then. I'll just go."

"No," Remus said. He grabbed a hold of Sirius' sleeve before he could get up. "I don't understand. What do you mean, you love me?"

It was a fair enough question, Remus supposed. His voice was thick when he asked it, and his throat was tight. But it needed to be asked, because he had to be sure. Sirius could have meant any number of things, and Remus needed the clarification.

Sirius laughed, and it was anything but humorous. "What do I mean? God, Remus, I mean I love you! What the bloody hell do you think it means?"

"I don't know," Remus returned in a level voice. "That's why I asked."

"It means I want to be with you!" Sirius looked beyond emotion. "It means I think about you all the time! It means I want you with me and I want you to want to be with me! It means I can't think about anything else, and every single bloody time you look at me I can't stand it! That's what it means!"

Remus blinked slowly. Sirius was breathing hard, and he looked wild and untamable. Then Remus smiled, and it was Sirius' turn to blink.

"Oh. All right then. I was just checking."

Then Remus leaned forward and kissed Sirius, gently. It was just a brush of lips on lips, nothing much in the way of kisses. But it was electric for both of them.

Sirius gasped. "Remus? I-I don't-"

Remus laughed. "Stop looking so shocked. You must know that I love you, too."

"You do?"

"Obviously."

Sirius smiled. "Obviously, my arse. It wasn't obvious at all!"

Remus chuckled. "It was obvious if you had been paying attention."

Sirius had a huge grin plastered across his face, but he seemed willing enough to engage in banter. "I think the whole problem is that I was paying you too much attention."

"Not nearly enough." Remus looked at Sirius carefully. "But, Sirius, I just need to know..."

"What?"

Remus swallowed and continued. "What about all of those girls you keep going on about?"

"What about them?"

"Well," Remus said, and stopped. It was hard to find the right words. "Am I just..." He trailed off again, unable to finish the question, but Sirius got the message anyway.

"Oh, no, Remus. You're not like that at all." Sirius looked embarrassed. "In fact, to be completely honest with you, I didn't really like any of them anyway."

"Really? Why not?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Because, you git, I've been in love with you."

The sudden assertion made Remus blush. "Oh."

Sirius laughed. "Yes. 'Oh' is right."

"Well, then, why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Sirius looked at him directly in the eyes. "I thought you would reject me."

"What?" Remus asked. "Sirius, how could you think that?"

Sirius smiled ruefully. "Well, it's not as if it's something easy to do, admitting that you love someone. I just didn't want to ruin our friendship in case you were... not interested."

Remus reached his hand up and held onto Sirius' hand. He entwined their hands together with a surprising ease. "Of course I'm interested, you prat."

Sirius blew out a breath. "Good." He smiled then, a pure and unabashed smile that made Remus' heart stop. "Great. Really, really great." He laughed, and Remus felt himself fall even more in love. "Damn."

"What?" Remus asked.

"I owe James a galleon."

Remus' eyes narrowed. "What? Why?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "We had a bet going, see. On whether or not you'd... you know."

Remus' jaw dropped. "You and James made a bet on whether or not I was in love with you?"

Sirius laughed.

"James knows?!" Remus asked, in a high-pitched and slightly hysterical voice.

Sirius squeezed his hand slightly. "Of course James knows. Who else could I ask about what I should do? I couldn't bloody well talk to you about this, and Peter is rather unhelpful in romantic situations. Of course I told James."

"Of course you did."

Sirius sighed. "Moony, you don't get it. I was really, really," and at this point he paused for effect before continuing, "really over the moon for you, no pun intended. Still am, actually. But I didn't think you would ever return my feelings, and so James had to listen to me whine constantly about you. I think he made the bet just so I would be forced to do something about it, so he wouldn't have to listen to me anymore."

"Oh," Remus said. He attempted to digest all of the information he had just learned. Sirius liked him. James knew this. They spoke about it often. It was a rather large shock that two of his best friends had been keeping this from him. "When did this all start?"

"Huh?" Sirius asked.

"You talking to James about me. When did that start?"

Sirius blushed. "Around the end of fifth year."

Remus blinked, uncomprehendingly. "You liked me since then?" he asked in a rather small voice.

"Actually, I liked you before then. That's just when I started telling James about it," Sirius replied. He laughed nervously. "I only started talking to him when it became desperate."

"Desperate?" Remus repeated. He was in a bit of a daze.

Sirius nodded. "Oh, yes. It was getting desperate."

"Oh." Remus looked down at their hands, which were still entwined together. "Is it still desperate now?"

"Nope," Sirius said, smiling. "Now it's perfect."

Remus was a simple and practical man. He enjoyed things that were uncomplicated and sensible. Being with Sirius seemed both.

"Perfect?" Remus echoed, blushing slightly.

"Oh yes," Sirius said. He leaned closer to Remus. "Perfect."

It was a good thing he was not a sentimental man. If he had been, he might have done something drastic, such as jump for joy or tackle Sirius onto the bed. As it was, he did the only thing he could think of.

Remus let his lips graze over Sirius' once more, slowly coaxing a kiss from him. Remus smiled as he felt Sirius hand move to cup his neck. Sirius had been right, he mused. It was perfect.