The Tragedy of Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley

The Tragedy of Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley

Act One Scene One

Crabbe and Goyle are looking smug. Neville enters the Great Hall with Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas.

Neville: Do you bite your thumb at me, Goyle?

Goyle: No, I don't bite my thumb at you.

Neville: Good, because I do not want a quarrel.

Goyle: But yes, I do bite my thumb.

Neville: Whatever, as long as it isn't directed to me.

Crabbe enters scene.

Crabbe: Goyle may not, but I bite me thumb at you.

Neville: HOW DARE YOU?!

Neville, Seamus, and Dean fights Crabbe and Goyle.

Harry enters scene.

Harry: Stop! Stop! You know not what you do! Desist at once! I'm a Prefect!

Draco enters scene.

Draco: Are you scared Potter? Afraid to quarrel?

Harry: Peace! Peace! Dumbledore will not be pleased to see a disturbance of the peace!

Draco: Dumbledore? I hate that name as I hate hell! Brace yourself!

Harry leaves the scene.

Harry: I shall fetch a teacher, so stop this madness!!

Ron enters scene.

Ron: Draco!! Harry may be a peacemaker, but not I. I shall make Slytherin pay for the discord and enmity!

Draco: Fool, I shall obliterate you to nothing!

They fight.

McGonagall enters scene.

McGonagall: I am most displeased! STOP! STOP!

Everyone stops fighting.

McGonagall: THANK YOU! Three times since yesterday, you all have disturbed the peace. If you quarrel again, you will all be expelled!! Slytherins! Come to my office right now! Gryffindors! Come this afternoon! Quarrel again, and your education will pay for the forfeit of the peace!

Act One Scene Two

The Slytherins gather in their common room for a party.

Draco: Cheers! We have defeated Hufflepuff in today's Quidditch match!

Pansy Parkinson: But we have yet to defeat the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors, my dear.

Draco: What is this I see?! I feel the presence of a Gryffindor.

All except Draco: A GRYFFINDOR?! GASP!

Ron uncloaks himself.

Ron: HAHAHAHA! I shall wreak havoc on your party, fools!

Draco: I will not endure you, Weasley, Stupefy!

Ron: Portego!

Seamus uncloaks himself.

Seamus: I too have come to wreak havoc. We have poisoned your punch bowl with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!

Dean uncloaks himself.

Dean: Now, let's bust this joint! Smoke Grenades! Or rather, Dungbombs!

Ron, Seamus, and Dean leave the scene.

Draco: I shall seek vengeance, WEASLEY!

Draco turns into a giant canary.

Act One Scene Three

In Ginny's dormitory at 3 AM

Ginny: Draco, is that you?

Draco: Sorry, my dear, I had a misfortunate trip sneaking out of my common room.

Ginny: Why are you here? We cannot pursue our romance here, for if my kinsmen... I mean my brother catches you, they'll kill you!

Draco: Will you leave me so unsatisfied then?

Ginny: Of course not...

They kiss.

Hermione enters scene.

Draco stealthily leaves the scene.

Hermione: GRYFFINDORS! Be on the alert! A Slytherin is in this room!

Ginny: How can you be sure?!

Hermione: The map! Ron! You can't come in here!

Ron enters scene.

Ron: Ginny, where is that scoundrel?! WHERE'S DRACO MALFOY?! He was right by your bed!

Hermione: He's gone! He's returned to the Slytherin Common room! We'll have to kill him tomorrow!

Act One Scene Four

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are in the Common Room.

Hermione: Ginny, how'd you like to be married?

Ginny: It is an honor I would not want.

Hermione: Let me rephrase this. On Thursday, I want you to go out with Paris, I mean... Colin Creevey!

Ron: It's a date with a student of wax!

Ginny: No! You can't make me!

Harry enters scene.

Harry: Ron! You can't make your sister date people!

Hermione: What?! I thought you've always fancied Harry, Ginny!

Ginny: Well... I've been seeing someone too.

Ron: YOU'VE WHAT?! Without my permission?! Never look me in the face again, Ginny, for I have done with thee! I mean... You!

Ginny: Hermione! You must convince Ron of my good taste in boys!

Hermione: You've been snogging someone! You've lost your innocence! Do what you must, for I have done with thee too! I mean... YOU!

Ginny turns to Harry.

Ginny: Harry! You're my only hope! Patch things up with my kinsmen!

Harry: I would if I could, but I have to go to... Remedial Potions! But here, you can meet your unspeakable beloved again one last time before you two break up. I'll lend you my invisibility cloak, but I want it back tonight.

Act Two Scene One.

Ginny is in the Slytherin Common room under Harry's invisibility cloak.

Ginny: Oh Draco! I'm afraid we can never see each other again.

Draco: Wait, these things may be changed!

Ginny: How?!

Draco: I don't know, but a potion of Professor Snape! I shall go to the dungeons and ask him for that Sleeping Potion and his advice!

Draco leaves scene.

Ginny: I shall merely follow Draco in Harry's invisibility cloak.

Act Two Scene Two

Draco enters a remote hallway on his way to the Dungeons.

Ron enters scene.

Ron: THERE YOU ARE! I shall kill you for raping my sister last night.

Draco: Me rape your sister?! Don't be ridiculous! Now get out of the way before I decide to jinx you!

Ron: I'm afraid your odds aren't that good! I brought Reinforcements!

Hermione, Seamus, Dean, and Neville enter scene.

Draco: Hey! How did you find me?!

Hermione: That's for us to know and you to not find out.

All except Draco: Stupefy!

Draco faints.

Ron: I say we kill him! Let's avada kedavra him, Hermione!

Hermione: Don't be stupid! I can't do that curse! It's too hard.

Neville: I say we just leave him here but we set a blast-ended skrewt on him, one of those 6-feet long ones.

Ron: Actually, let's temporarily take him to our common room and torture him until we find out what he's done with Ginny! But don't tell anyone, not even Harry!

Ginny enters scene, invisible and leaves for the dungeons.

Act Two Scene Two

Harry and Ginny are in the dungeons.

Ginny: Oh Harry! I know not what to do! They have brought my beloved to the common room and are torturing him.

Harry: As long as your beloved is not a Slytherin, I do see a solution!

Ginny: Yes? Yes? What is it?!

Harry hands Ginny a potion.

Harry: Go back to the common room and say to Ron, "my life is forever in your hands." This will get him all excited. Then at night, drink this poison in your dormitory. I will personally pour tomato juice on your limp body at night. You will remain like this for a few more hours looking dead. The next morning when Colin Creevey comes to see you, you will look all dead and stuff, but really, you'll just be in a deep sleep for 42 hours. They will think someone killed you. But wait, there is a flaw. Once you're dead, you won't be able to attend school anymore.

Ginny: Oh dear.

Harry: Wait... Polyjuice potion! Oh, but that's not permanent is it? No, forget it, I don't see a solution.

Ginny: Harry, don't give up on me! You're my only hope!!

Harry: Right, right. I suppose you can be invisible for the rest of your life so Ron can't see you. No really Ginny, I would help you if I could.

Ginny: Please, Harry! I'll do anything!!

Harry: Love has done weird things to you, Ginny, but if it's anything, then here, a hip flask of Polyjuice Potion.

Harry hands Ginny the Polyjuice Potion.

Harry: Drink a tablespoon every hour on the hour. If indeed you'll do anything, you'll take on the appearance of... Fleur Delacour every hour.

Ginny: Fleur Delacour?! Well, I suppose that's pretty good. Where did you get her hair?

Harry: Keep that quiet!! I er- Never Mind. I'm not saying. I'll tell Dobby to relay the message to- who is it?

Ginny: Draco Malfoy...

Harry: Okay.

Act Two Scene Two

Ginny in the Gryffindor Common room.

Ginny: Oh Ron! I beg your forgiveness! I have just gone to see Friar Laurence! I mean, Harry, and I'm supposed to say, "My life is forever in your hands."

Ron: Good! I'm glad Harry's such a good influence on you. But if you'll excuse me, Draco Malfoy has gotten into our common room again and I must see to it that he learns not to return.

Hermione: Let's tell Colin Creevey to meet you on Wednesday instead of Thursday!
Ron: Good! That's a Hogsmeade visit! You can meet him in the Three Broomsticks!

Act Two Scene Three

That night in Ginny's dormitory.

Ginny: Okay, I'm suppose to drink the potion, but what if Harry put poison in here? Oh who cares?

She drinks the potion and falls to sleep.

Act Two Scene Four

In Ginny's Dormitory
Hermione: SHE'S DEAD!

Ron: Oh woe is me! Death has replaced my heir! Now Colin is just an acquaintance to me! Death is my heir! No one can now pass on the family line! Bill and Charlie are... are Catholic priests! No! What am I thinking?! Ginny's my sister! This misfortunate day has boggled me brain!

Harry: Poor sacrifice of your selfishness, Ron! Why didn't you go out with someone, say Fleur Delacour? I hear she's getting a job here.

Ron: Fleur Delacour?! How could you mention my secret crush for her when my sister just died?

Harry: Oh I don't know. Listen, are we going to tell a teacher that she's dead?

Hermione: Oh yes! Harry, you must write a eulogy!

Harry: Where will she be buried?

Hermione: How about right here in school? She can turn into a ghost!

That night she gets buried in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

Act Three Scene One

Harry is in his dormitory.

Harry: Dobby, did you deliver the message?

Dobby: Dobby is sorry sir! I was quarantine because the other elves thought I had SARS but really, it was just a cold.

Harry: WHAT?! The letter I wrote wasn't triviality! It concerns a man's life! I must go to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom before someone commits suicide!

Act Three Scene Two

Draco is in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

Colin: No! I refuse to let you come closer to my would-be fiancé! How dare you desecrate her grave?!

Draco: Stupefy!

Colin faints.

Draco: Oh true Apothecary! Come vial, and let me die!

Draco drinks poison and dies next to Ginny's body.

Harry enters scene

Harry: Draco! You idiot! What are you doing with that poison?! Oh no! You've poisoned yourself! But who'd be stupid enough to give you poison?!

Moaning Myrtle enters scene with an open book.

Myrtle: It was I! I love nothing less than to see people suffer but Draco's prevented me from reading the play, Romeo and Juliet. So I gave him poison to keep him quiet. WHAT?! (Myrtle is reading On) Juliet stabs herself with the dagger?! This is so sad, I must flood the bathroom!

Harry: Myrtle, NO!

Myrtle begins to cry and flushes all the toilets... Immediately the bathroom is flooded.

Ginny wakes up from her coffin and pushes it open.

Ginny: Harry, where is my beloved.

Harry: Ginny! We must leave here at once!

Ginny: Why? I'm waiting for Draco!

Harry: I dare not stay!

Harry runs out the scene.

From outside you hear, Filch, the caretaker.

Filch: Aha! Flooding the toilets are you? My sweet, alert Professor McGonagall!

Ginny: Oh Draco! You died! This means I have to kill myself too! What's this? A vial of poison! He didn't leave me any at all! Okay, I'll kiss his lips. Maybe there's some poison there. No! There isn't! A dagger! Why is there a dagger in the bathroom? Oh it doesn't matter! Oh happy dagger let rust and let me die!

Ginny stabs herself and dies.

Act Four Scene One

In Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

Professor McGonagall: All are punished! Only I have lost a brace of students and-

Ron: Hey! I lost a sister! What's a student when I lost a sister?!

Professor McGonagall: Five points from Gryffindor for insolence! As I was saying, the sun for sorrow will not show his head.

Go hence to have more talk of these sad things

For never was there a story of more woe

Than this of Ginny and her Draco

Hermione: Professor, that's such a terrible rhyme!!

Professor McGonagall: Well, you can't do any better. This was such a terrible story!