What Is This Thing Called Love?

Chapter Seven: Settling in

Hermione settles into her role as Teaching Assistant. She begins to spend more time with Severus.

(i) Please do let me know your opinion of the story. Reviews keep me writing.

(ii) The characters and world of Harry Potter belong to J.K. Rowling. I make no money from this.

(iii)This chapter is in response to the October 2009's OWL theme on 'The Dark Arts'.

(iv) And last, but by no means least, a big thank you to my lovely beta, Chelsea.

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The days passed swiftly. Her DADA lessons were fascinating. Professor Snape was an enthralling orator, and his descriptions of the inherent dangers of Dark intent were chilling yet captivating. The lessons on grounding oneself after using Dark magic so that the pulsing energy was safely released into the elements proved immensely helpful. Hermione felt that she was better able to cope with her resentment and anger over Harry and Ron's continuing silence. She no longer had bouts of intense loneliness; instead, she would ground herself by going for early morning walks by the lake and making use of the comforts of the staff room and the company to be found there.

Hermione was totally caught up in her assistant teacher duties as well as her own studies. Her days began well before breakfast and ended late at night. Every minute of the day seemed to be accounted for. Mornings before breakfast were spent preparing for the day's lessons while evenings were spent marking and even running remedial sessions for the weaker students in both Potions and Muggle Studies. After dinner generally found her in Severus' private potions laboratory, where they would both brew potions and ointments for the infirmary. She worked on the simpler potions while he made the more complex ones.

The quiet evenings of brewing were some of Hermione's most enjoyable. She had always been aware of Severus' brilliant mind, but now she was introduced to his dark sense of humour. She learned to see beyond the sarcasm and appreciate the wit directed towards her. While they waited for potions to simmer or cool, they would discuss the marking she had done or the things she had learned in DADA or Healing. Eventually, as they grew more comfortable with each other's company, they even began to tentatively speak of personal matters.

Severus was very careful to be extremely correct in his behaviour towards the young Gryffindor. He used his voice, his eyes, his intellect to draw her to him, but he did not touch her or even flirt openly with her. He knew that Minerva was observing them in the shadows, and although he knew he could easily seduce the girl without alerting the watchful Minerva, he preferred to take his time. One did not become Europe's premier Potions Master without patience and excellent timing. For Severus had decided that his seduction would be so subtle, so discreet, that it would make Hermione come to him. Their relationship would progress because she thought she wanted him, not because he had pressured her into his bed. Severus had fucked and raped enough women, even men, during the Dark Revels to know his own twisted desires, and what he desired above all else was to hear a woman, his woman, beg him to fuck her. If Hermione was his destiny, then he wanted her so desperate for him that she would allow him to do anything he wanted. He had been controlled by two sadistic masters for most of his adult life; the only place he felt he had ever had control was in his own private chambers.

Lily had been his first love, his only desire. When Lily had married Potter, Severus had been a virgin; like a fool, he had been saving himself for her. In anger, he had gone out with Lucius and fucked every woman he could, pretending that they were her, that he was getting his revenge on her. After Lily's death, there had been no one in Severus' life. He could not bear to touch a woman because she could never be Lily. After the Dark Lord returned, he had been forced to rape, to fuck, to demonstrate his loyalty, and so he had done what was required of him, but he had not taken those women, those bodies, with any modicum of tenderness. In truth, Severus had never made love. He did not know how. He could rape, he could fuck, he could even on occasion seduce, but love--he had never really made it or shared it or expressed it or had it reciprocated in any shape or form.

One night as September drew to a close, and Severus and Hermione both waited for their respective potions to simmer, they got to talking about their favourite subjects. Hermione was not surprised to learn that Severus was deeply fascinated by the Dark Arts. She was, however, surprised to learn of his long years of ongoing studies into the philosophy of magical intent and the origins of magic.

'There is so much more to magic than what is taught at Hogwarts,' said Severus passionately. 'We hardly learn anything of the Eastern philosophies, or even the Middle Eastern for that matter. Hogwarts concentrates on European schools of thought. I've been researching into the most ancient of magical practices, those practiced by the Egyptians, the Sumerians, the Chinese and the Indian mages of old. There is so much information out there. We are so afraid of the taint of the Dark that we have completely removed all aspects of Blood Magic, of Sex Magic, which are some of the most powerful gifts bestowed to man from our customs and traditions. We have removed all the magic that is reliant on the Earth and the elements from our curriculum.'

Hermione's eyes shone with excitement. 'I found a book on Sex Magic in the Black library our fifth year, but Professor Moody saw me looking at the title, and the next time I looked for the text, it had been removed. I've never really read anything about it.'

Severus nodded. 'Moody was one of the most deeply entrenched practitioners of the Dark Arts I've ever known. He worked for the Ministry, and that protected him, but his years as a Dark Wizard catcher honed his skills in the Dark Arts to levels even I have yet to reach in some aspects. You will hear Lucius speak of the horrors of Ministry torture following the first fall of the Dark Lord when he conducts his recent history seminar. That was Moody's speciality.'

'I'm sure the presentation will be stimulating. I am really fascinated by the philosophy and ideology of the Death Eaters.' Here Hermione met Severus' raised eyebrow and curious gaze and blushed furiously. 'I want to learn everything,' she said before blushing furiously again. 'First I want to learn everything I can at Hogwarts before branching out.'

Severus chuckled. 'I know what you mean. I've always wanted to learn everything, too.' Then, in a more serious tone of voice, he said, 'That was one of the many reasons why I joined the Death Eaters. The lure of learning forbidden magic, of making potions with ingredients never before within my reach, having access to something completely denied at Hogwarts was irresistible.'

Hermione nodded. She could on some level understand his decision. She, too, could not deny that she found his lessons in the Dark Arts completely compelling.

Severus, however, had lapsed into silence after admitting his desire for the Dark Arts. He knew he had probably said too much. She was, after all, the Gryffindor Princess. No matter her curiosity, she was in no way tainted.

Hermione waited patiently for Severus to continue. She had been enjoying hearing him speak of his interests, but she realised as she watched his countenance darken that he was not going to continue. Not wanting him to brood, as she had learnt was his wont, she said, 'I've always been fascinated by Potions, especially those that are considered Dark.'

At Severus' quick glance upwards, she continued, 'When I was in my second year, I sneaked into the Restricted Section and stole a book to brew Polyjuice Potion. I know you know about that incident.'

Severus smirked. He remembered her in whiskers and tail.

Seeing his smirk return, she smiled quietly to herself and continued, 'I found reading about some of the Darker potions really interesting. It scared me, but I couldn't put the book down.' Then in a more thoughtful voice, she said, 'I think that after Charms and Transfiguration, Potions is my favourite subject. There's so much scope, so much possibility in Potions.'

Severus was surprised. He was astonished that she had continued to speak as though he had not committed a great faux pas in mentioning his interest in the Dark Arts and his willing entry into the Death Eaters. He was also surprised that she had admitted to being enthralled by the scope of the Dark Arts. On a different level, he was also surprised that she had such a great interesting in Potions. Her admission about his first year speech not withstanding, he had thought she would be in love with Arithmancy. 'I'm surprised,' said Severus. 'Septima speaks of you as though you are particularly gifted, a prodigy in fact.'

Hermione blushed furiously, even though she was pleased at the acknowledgment. 'I do enjoy Arithmancy, but there is so much more to learn, and I don't think that Arithmancy stretches me enough. I couldn't just focus on it to the exclusion of everything else.'

'Well,' said Severus with a chuckle. 'You're welcome to stay on at Hogwarts for as long as you like and take on one apprenticeship after another if you so wish. We don't really get many students who want to carry on learning after they leave Hogwarts. Theoretical knowledge is seen as unimportant in the greater scheme of magical application. I know the other teachers would be ecstatic if you do stay on.'

Hermione's smile rivalled the sun. Her face aglow, she said, 'Sir, I am amazed you are being so nice and inviting me to stay on. I thought you hated me and only took me on for this year because you had no other choice.'

'Really, Hermione,' said Severus snidely. 'You must realise that a lot of what happened while you were a student was an act. I had to hate you both for being a Muggle-born and Potter's side-kick.'

Hermione nodded. 'Logically, I do realise it, but I always felt that you disliked me particularly for some reason. That's why this past month has been such a revelation.'

Severus did not know how to respond. Finally he said quietly, 'You reminded me of myself. Your quest for knowledge, you love of learning, it was so much like what I was at your age. I feared for you; I hated you for what you could become, but also, I think I felt resentful because you were not alone. Unlike me, you made friends. I could see that you weren't destined to end up alone, bitter and driven to darkness.'

Hermione shook her head. 'You're wrong,' she admitted softly, 'I was and still am often alone, even when surrounded by people. No one seems to understand me. They find my knowledge useful, but that it all I've ever been to everyone, the walking encyclopaedia.'

Severus nodded. He did not know how to respond to her candour. Honesty as an art of conversation was not often practiced among the Slytherins. It allowed opponents too many opportunities to use you. But her frankness was a welcome balm to Severus' suspicious nature.

Their evenings together allowed Hermione to gain additional insight into Severus' personality. She watched him as he brewed complex potions needed not only for the infirmary but also for St. Mungo's. She came to realise how very generous he was with his talents in Potions, for many of the people who benefited from his hours of brewing, of research were not even aware that they were the recipient of the former Death Eater's skill.

As Hermione grew more familiar with Severus' laboratory and his presence, she started to help him while she waited for her own potions to simmer or cool. She was especially moved when he trusted her to watch him brew the very difficult and touchy Wolfsbane potion for victims of Greyback's final days. She watched his long dexterous fingers as they chopped and diced, and she marvelled at his concentration as he added ingredient after ingredient at exactly the right moment. She hardly dared to breathe. She was so afraid that she would ruin the complex brew that demanded so much precision, skill and attention.

One evening, as she sat watching her own burn paste slowly simmer, she once again observed Severus brewing the much more complex salve that eased the tremors, if not all the symptoms of long-term Cruciatus damage. She let her mind drift, admiring the deftness of his hands as he prepared the ingredients and stirred the potion, his wrist movement controlled and precise. As she admired his skill, she wondered idly how those hands would feel against her skin. Would his touch be gentle or strong? Would his hands feel rough or smooth? Would he focus on a woman with the same fierce concentration he placed upon the cauldron? Where do those thoughts come from, wondered Hermione perturbed. Am I really attracted to Severus? She let her mind dwell on the feeling and realised that she did indeed find the darkness and the mystery of him not only interesting but also deeply arousing.

While Hermione was coming to the realisation of her startling attraction to the Headmaster, Severus too was spending a lot of time quietly observing Hermione. He watched her concentration as she brewed, the passion she displayed when they argued about something he'd asked her to read. He realised that he was starting to not only appreciate her curves and smiles but also her mind and her personality. He had not felt drawn to a woman on such an emotional level since his teenage infatuation with Lily. Truth be told, it made him feel rather uncomfortable, as though he were once again a callow youth. He found himself getting lost in her eyes, which were bright like Polish amber or well-matured Firewhisky, especially when they sparkled with amusement as one of his biting observations.

She was a delight to teach, now that her penchant for frantic hand-waving had subsided. The DADA sessions he ran that dealt with the Dark Arts were better for her shining and attentive countenance. Severus was rarely surprised by people, but the not-so-little Know-It-All's attraction and desire for information on the Dark Arts did make him stop short and contemplate his previously held assumptions about her.

One night, as he was going over her marking, Hermione said, 'Sir, could I have some extra reading on Dark Potions? I don't want to really brew anything, but the theory and the techniques are so different that I really would like to learn more.'

Severus stroked his lips with his index finger and thought about her request. 'I don't see why not, but you must be very cautious about falling into the trap laid by the Dark Arts. Knowledge is a fine thing, but it can lead you into something you cannot control.' Severus, of course, realised that this was a golden opportunity to spend even more time alone with the young woman. His slow, cautious steps of getting to know Hermione had thus far been successful, but he had yet to begin his nefarious seduction plans. 'I will gladly let you have some books from my personal library, but on a few strict conditions. One, you must not remove them from my quarters, and two, you must not read them unsupervised. Firstly, because we can't have the wrong person seeing you with a Dark Arts text; the gossip mill would drive us both out of Hogwarts. And secondly, if you read them in my presence, if you have any questions, doubts or concerns, we can address immediately. The worst thing you could do with a Dark Arts text is to let something that worries you fester and wind its insidious way into your subconscious.'