I'm Not in Love

"James! WHERE ARE WE GOING?!"

They were moving too fast! The wind was whistling in Lily's ears, trying to drag her off the broom. She screamed again, but the wind ripped the sound away before she realised she'd voiced it.

If she'd been thinking coherently, Lily would have wondered why they were climbing so steeply. As it was, her only thought was Holy crapcrapcrap! Aaaaaaaaaargh!

When they levelled out, they did so with such speed and momentum that Lily felt herself thrown forwards and almost off the broom. Only Potter's arms, circling her waist to grip the broom in front of her, kept her from descending at a rapid rate to the Forbidden Forest, some fifty-five feet below.

Lily was too scared to even tremble. She sat stock still, for fear that the slightest movement would send her falling to the hard, unforgiving ground, by way of spiky, skin-ripping tree branches.

She became vaguely aware of James' whooping. He had obviously enjoyed to suicidal pace. I'll kill him, Lily thought weakly. I'll kill him very, very dead. As soon as he gets me back onto solid ground.

She realised that James was talking, presumably to her, as no-one else appeared to have been insane enough to decide to go for a late-night thrill ride.

James repeated his question.

"Are you alright? Hey, Lily. You look cold."

If Lily hadn't been scared stiff, she would have given him a scathing look. When Lily didn't reply, James seemed to conclude that she wasn't impressed. She felt him sigh next to her ear, warm, and slightly odd against all the cold air that was streaming past them.

"If you really don't want to do this, I'll take you back."

WHAT? NOW he tells me? Lily gulped. Then, without any instruction, her traitorous mouth spoke.

"No. I'm alright."

If she had been able to, she would have slapped a hand over said traitor, but that would have meant letting go of the broom.

"Really?" said James, incredulously. He really hadn't expected Lily to go along with the date at all. He had thought that she might turn up, but that was as far as he had dared to hope.

Lily nodded her head, mutely. She was furious with herself for not taking his offer, but she was uncomfortable with going back on her word.

"Well, you still look cold," said James. He went to take a hand off the broom, in order to take his cloak off, but Lily grabbed it, and placed it firmly back where he could stop the broom from doing loop-de-loops, or whatever evil plan was going through the infernal thing's mind.

"Oh no" cried Lily, "You are keeping you hands right there. I trust even you more than I trust this broom.

James was silent for a moment. Lily slowly let go of his hand, ready to grab it again should he once more attempt to steer one-handed. As soon as she relaxed, thinking that he would stay put, James pulled her against himself, lightning quick. Lily cried out and tried to struggle back up, but James' Quidditch-muscled arm kept her in place.

"What the hell are you doing?!" screamed Lily, still struggling.

"Bloody hell, Lily, you're wobbling the broom!" That shut Lily up, and she went stiff as a board, praying that the wobbles weren't going make her fall off. The rocking and shaking subsided.

"That's better. Jeez, Lily, it's freezing up here, and you don't even have a cloak. You could get, I don't know, hypothermia. Or your nose could freeze off or something."

"Then why'd you bring me up here?" demanded Lily, though it was mainly for argument's sake. James was very warm. It was like having the common room fire place at her back. She relaxed, and stopped struggling to regain her previous position.

"Like I said, there's something I want you to see. I think you'll appreciate it." He was obviously feeling more self assured since she'd refused to return to ground level.

She glared into the bitingly cold air, which was having a lot less success at prying her from the broom since she'd leant back. Of course, that glare was meant for James, who was being very magnanimous, but she still wasn't feeling safe enough to actually turn around.

"Are you being purposefully circumspect?" Lily demanded.

"Yep," replied James, in far too cheerful a manner. Lily immediately resolved to remedy this, and set about finding a subject that would make him just a little more uncomfortable.

"So," she said, with an air of careful nonchalance, 'I hear you have a girlfriend."

She immediately kicked herself very hard, mentally.

WHAT?! Lily, are you mad? Yeah, sure, ask him about THAT why don't you?!

Don't look at ME! YOU said it!

Unaware of Lily mental screaming match with herself, James said, with eloquence unbelievable, said;

"Huh?"

"N- Nothing, never mind, it's nothing."

"No, what? A girlfriend? What's this?"

Lily heard that he sounded less complacent. This wasn't much comfort, as she was currently wishing that the ground would swallow her up. Except, of course, she was up in the air on a broomstick with no means of escaping the impending conversation. She steeled herself.

"It's going around school that you have a girlfriend, that's all."

"Oh." Lily waited.

"What?" He was obviously having trouble making sense of this, simple though it was.

"Rumour, around school, James Potter, girlfriend. People think that you have a girlfriend."

"Ah." Lily waited again. She waited for about twenty seconds, before bursting out again.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Well, do you, uh... Do you-"

"Do I have girlfriend?"

"Umm..." Lily was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

"I think, I think I would describe my current situation as 'unavailable', if that's what you mean." James spoke slowly and thoughtfully. Lily tightened her grip on the broom; it was wobbling again, seeming adopt the consistency of melting butter.

"So, you do have a girlfriend?" inquired Lily in a perfectly normal voice, once her throat would work again. Clearly, breathing in so much cold air was bad for her.

"Like I said, I consider myself to be unavailable. But," he added, forestalling Lily's aggravated response, "No, I do not at this moment in time have the good fortune of having what I would call a girlfriend. Yes, in that many words"

"Oh. But, where did the rumour come from?"

"I have no idea."

"You didn't tell any one about this did you?"

"You wound me with your mistrusting ways. No I didn't. But you never know where little ears are hiding. And this school is like a sieve-"

"If people didn't talk the walls would fall in, yes yes, heard it before. But..." Lily immediately clamped down on her wayward tongue. It was far too free, and should be shackled.

"But...?" prompted James.

"But why do you say you're unavailable?" The tongue was free! And blazing a trail of awkwardness in its wake!

James was silent for a while, and Lily began to hope that she would be spared the stickiness of his reply. Then, he spoke.

"Jeez, Lily. You should give courses on creating tricky situations."

"Tricky situation?" echoed Lily. How did this come up? They were having an increasingly uncomfortable chat concerning availability and girlfriends. After a bare second of retrospection, Lily decided she preferred this topic.

"Well, yes. I mean, if I try to evade the question, you'll keep asking it, all the more stubbornly for my reticence. On the other hand, if I tell you what exactly I mean by 'unavailable', it will doubtlessly be an uncomfortable flight."

"It already is uncomfortable," grumbled Lily. James gave a surprised bark of laughter, and Lily grinned in spite of herself.

"Oh," said James abruptly, "I think we're almost there."

So engrossed had Lily been in their 'casual banter', she hadn't noticed much of their surroundings. After a perfunctory glance about, she concluded that there was not much to notice. It just looked like cloudy blackness to her. Maybe Quidditch players had an in built navigational system, like pigeons; a little magnet in their heads or something. Lily stifled a giggle as she imaged it. Well, it would explain some of James' thick idiocy, if he had a metal head.

Because she was occupied with her pigeon/Quidditch player ideas, Lily missed the moment when the first points of light began to shine through the cloud.

"Look," said James in a hushed tone, leaning forward so he could whisper into Lily's ear.

Lily looked. And gasped.

In front of her was a shining, sparkling tapestry. A Muggle city at night, with all the lights on; all the oranges and yellows, the fluorescent blues of business signs, the roving reds and whites of car head- and tail-lights.

"Wow," breathed Lily.

"See?" grinned James, again very pleased with himself. "I told you you'd like it!"

"Wow," was Lily's response, having been suitable struck dumb by her first nocturnal bird's eye view of a Muggle city.

"They're like little multicoloured stars," murmured James. "What do you reckon they really are?"

"Lights," muttered Lily in return. "Electrical lights. Electricity runs through a very thin wire, creating enough friction for heat and light."

"Really? Electricity? Like in lightning? They have little lightnings down there?"

"In a way, I suppose. In little glass globes."

"Wow. I never knew that."

"Oh, and now we come to it," exclaimed Lily, laughing. "The whole reason you dragged me out here in the middle of the night... Oh my God! It's the middle of the night! Curfew was hours ago! I never even thought about it! Oh we're going to be in so much trouble!"

"Oh my God!" echoed James. "Lily Evans didn't even think of the rules being broken when she acquiesced to this little excursion! This is a red letter day. Or night. Hmm."

"But-! Oh no! And where did you learn a word like acquiesce?"

"Relax, after all my years of Maraudering, do you think I don't know ways to go about unnoticed? And I don't think you give me credit, Lily. I've known the word 'acquiesce' for quite along time. You've just never given me a chance to say it without sounding like a prick."

"You learnt it from me, didn't you? And you do sound like a prick! A prick with messy hair and an ego the size of Belgium."

"Oh come now, that's hardly fair, is it? The size of Belgium?"

"Yes."

"Don't I even warrant a China? Or Russia? Or the U.S, even?"

"No, no and no."

James managed to seem crestfallen, even through Lily still couldn't turn to look at him.

"Even your ego isn't as big as that of the U.S.A." James perked up again, deciding that this was, in some way, a compliment. Or at least, not an insult. Lily felt it; she was still leaning against his Quidditch-toned chest, and she felt when he sagged, and straightened again.

They were silent for a while, watching the cars headlights rove along the streets.

"They really do look like someone took the stars from the sky and stuck them on earth, hey?"

Lily looked up, where dimly under-lit clouds obscured the stars, and reduced the moon to an amorphous scythe of pale luminescence.

"Hmm," she said, by way of agreement.

~*~

The trip back to the castle was even chillier- the clouds had cleared away and moon shone coldly among stars like tiny chips of ice. Lily was even gladder for James' warmth at her back, and beginning to feel distinctly sleepy. She turned her head, ever so slightly, so it was nestled under James' chin. She was starting to doze off, but her brain suddenly seemed to wake up to the situation.

Hey, Lily, it said in and inquiring tone.

"Hmm?" murmured Lily, quietly.

Could I just ask what you're doing, you know, at the moment? Because I could have sworn you just NESTLED YOUR HEAD UNDER JAMES POTTER'S CHIN!!!

Lily frowned sleepily, and muttered under her breath, "So?"

So?! SO?! So, Lily Evans, are you stupid? Alright, just ignore your better judgement, which is me by the way. You just keep snuggling up to the 'arrogant toerag', is I believe how you put it, like a lovesick puppy.

Lily sprang upright as if she'd been stung, giving James' chin are rather nasty headbutt.

"I am not lo -!" she started to yell, before realising that James was, of course, still on the broom.

"...Ow." He sounded like he was massaging his wounded chin.

"Lily, what the hell? Were you talking to someone?"

"Uhh, no..."

She was saved from further explanation as the golden lights of Hogwarts came into view and grew steadily larger.

Lily, realising that they would now have to get down, redoubled her grip on the broom, imagining the screaming, snitch-grabbing dive applied in many a Quidditch game. James laughed, and instead of the aforementioned sharp dive, he descended in a shallow corkscrew. When they stopped, Lily was is such a hurry to get off the infernal flying twig before it started rising again that she fell over when her cold-numbed legs tried to take her weight. James, for his part, dismounted much more gracefully, and, holding his broom upright, offered a hand to help Lily off the ground. She took it, and almost flew back into the air as James yanked up.

After a moment of silence, she said, "I think you may have dislocated my shoulder."

James laughed, and Lily grinned.

"Well, I told you you'd like it, didn't I?" he said, with a sort of triumph in his tone. Not a 'Yes! Ha! I was riiiight, I was riiiight, I told you so!' sort of way, but different. More like a 'I she enjoyed it, didn't she? Whoo! Finally got it right!'

And it was true, she'd loved it. She'd lived in a decent sized Muggle town, so she of course new what electrical lights looked like, but she'd never seen them all panned out below her, twinkling and flashing like psychotic fireflies.

"Yeah... Thanks, James." She smiled up into his eyes, and though he'd been grinning all over his face at her a moment ago, he suddenly seemed to come over awkward.

"Er, yeah... You're, er, welcome..." he mumbled, as he broke her gaze and looked away. Lily hesitated, then acted on an inexplicable impulse; she leant forward, and kissed him on the cheek, just a quick little peck, to thank him.

James stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights, and Lily imagined her expression was very near to identical.

She bolted, running back to the castle, up the moving stairs, through the secret passages, gasped the secret password at the Fat Lady and slipped quietly up the stairs to her dormitory, where, through the window, she could hear the wild, exultant whoops of the boy she had just kissed.